Overwhelmed and a bit of dreaming

​I am so overwhelmed with life right now that it is ridiculous.   I am moving by 5am every day and I usually don’t sit to relax until the last hour before I go to bed, and even that is interrupted with constant things to do.  I want life to slow down.  I want to have time to do fun things.   Yet somehow my time is sucked up with a gazillion other things!  I kid you not, I was deep cleaning the kitchen at 5am the other morning…it’s when I had the time.

So yeah, the quilt that I was so excited about making?  I haven’t had time to work on it in months!

And it’s sad because you can see that I have more than half of the lonestar completed!   Dollhouse stuff   I’ve been busy with that right?     Well no, none of that either.  The last thing I did was back in late December when I worked on the library. 

I’ve found a bit of time to read, usually in the middle of the night while I can’t sleep!  Or a random few minutes here and there.    I haven’t had time to create and edit a video for YouTube in ages.   I struggle to find the time to post on here.  I have a draft of my reading for the last 30 days..it has a list of books, but no reviews written.  No time!

Work has been crazy lately…which doesn’t help matters. I think it will continue to be busy for the unforseeable future, but hopefully the crazy will disappear!

I have been enjoying a period of freedom from weight loss.  I’m not hyper focused on tracking or monitoring or anything.  I’m cognizant of what I’m eating, but not obsessing.  That’s a welcome change after the last gazillion years.   I’m not gaining, and slowly (like really slowly) seeing the numbers on the scale start to trend down.  I need to get focused a bit more…but I’m happy with the lack of obsession!

So I’m here.  I’m not out of the game with weight loss, but maybe, I’m learning to eat intuitively?   Maybe?  Dare I dream?

Back and Forth

Things with my weight loss journey are just sorta sliding on with no thought or effort from me.  

I have not really done anything for my weight loss efforts recently.  Oh yeah, I’m aware of what I’m eating and doing.    But I’m not consciously trying to ‘do the right thing’.   I guess you could say that I’m just eating intuitively.  Trying to eat when I’m hungry and just ignore food when I’m not.  (And believe me...for a food addict...ignoring food is difficult!).  Maybe that is what the grander plan of this period of just sitting back has been.  (And yes, I pray quit a bit for guidance and direction and help for this weight loss journey!). Maybe I had to sit back and learn (re-learn) to listen to my body.  To follow the signs of my body in regards to what and when I eat!    I’m far from being a master at it, but I think I have done well.  Seriously....read this little vignette from this past weekend and you tell me if I’m doing well!

One night this past weekend we ordered Chinese.  And I didn’t order any spring rolls.  Jason asked if there was any reason.  I honestly said ‘I’m just not overly hungry’.  Jason’s eyes  grew wide and he immediately reached over and jokingly felt my head as if checking to see if I had a fever. Ok, he was probably seriously checking!  I can’t remember what he said but it was something to the affect of ‘that’s just so out of the ordinary for you to one, say you aren’t hungry and two to actually heed the signs.  

I have still not started to track.   Believe me. I wanted to.  I planned on it.   But I kinda forget to do it.   I am out of the habit and need to restart that habit.   As I wrote this I realize that I am somewhat curious as to where my calorie count has been.   I think I may work to not change what I’m doing, but track my food.  That might be interesting.  But in the long run I know that where I AM eating in terms of calories, I will have to cut back because I’m NOT losing weight.

I don’t talk about it much, but I am still hot on the trail of meeting my yearly challenge to propel myself 2021 miles in 2021.  I wrote about the challenge Here if you are interested.  I recently crossed the halfway mark. 

We had a nice weekend.  It was a quiet one.  We didn’t exactly do anything crazy.  Lots of errands and lots of relaxation.  About the only thing we did activity wise was an hour or two of walking in the big (and old) graveyard near us.  

So what is my weight doing?  I already alluded to the fact that I’m not losing.    Well, my weight is on a seesaw in a two to three pound range.  I pop up but then effortlessly go back down.  It’s a weight I am NOT happy with.  But I own it.  It’s my weight and I know that by owning it I have the power to change it!

Intuitive Eating

What to say today?   It's the new year and I am on track thus far.

A few weeks ago I wrote about how I view eating.  It started when I began to really notice that I was hanging out with a new friend and he was not ruled by food. That spurred me on to think more about how I eat.  How do I eat???   I eat simply because the clock strikes 6 which means it's dinnertime. The clock strikes and I start to salivate. This is not healthy at all

For years when I first started watching my weight, I didn't have a clue how to 'read the signs' of my body.  Intuitive eating was not a viable option.  I thought about food from the time I woke up to the time I went to bed.  (and probably dreamt of it too!)  When I started to eat, I just wanted to keep eating.  I ate myself into a food coma so many times.  I had to come up with a solution.  I did.  I became a regimented Nazi in regards to when and what I ate.   I lost the weight by regulating my meals. I had always been a person that breakfast.  I switched up and ate breakfast religiously.  I tracked it, but I ate every meal....I was totally regimented.  I ate like clockwork.  When the allotted calories for the meal was done I stopped eating until the next meal. It was as simple as that.

But you know what?   Lately I have realized that I'm not exactly always hungry when it's lunchtime.  I'm not always hungry at dinner time.  I've tried to start listening to those signs.  Am I eating intuitively?  I guess so.  Not hard core, just trying to listen to my body more.

On January 1 my friend "J" and I went to the Smithsonian Air and Space in Chantilly, VA and somehow lunch time came and went.  We weren't thinking about food, we were enjoying the museum and the companionship of each other.  Food was the last thing we thought about.  We did split a Kind Bar that was in my bag at one point and that was really all I needed or wanted.
Admittedly, when I got home......I was hungry.  But I didn't totally indulge and eat too much.  My calorie count on myfitnesspal was totally in line with where it needed to be and I went to bed happy with my day, happy with my eating and totally satisfied and NOT sick!

Whatever this is...I'm going to roll with it.  As much as possible, if I'm not hungry, I'm going to forego eating.  And if I'm not overly hungry but eating is kinda out of my control, then I will just eat small portions.  And yes....I will continue on the 'when the calories are gone, I stop eating....that rule is just golden!


I  snuck a peak at the scales yesterday and I am looking good for my official weigh in this week!  I just have to keep it up!  And if I can hold onto that weight....and maybe go lower it means that I am on track for my Valentines Day challenge weight!!!!!!!