Friday, May 28, 2021

Indifferent

I have been totally indifferent to my weight loss journey for the last week or so.   I’ve been just existing.   I know it’s not good!  I saw something today though...and it opened my eyes.


I am going to blame some of my issues are centered around work.   Work has been horrible.   As in dreaming and nightmare inducing horrible!  Yes it’s infringing upon my sleep.  Many nights I wake up from dreams about this job.  And it’s not good.


I have also been wondering about the fact that EVERY Friday night I have been wide awake most of the night, unable to sleep.  I have wondered if it was what I’m eating on Friday nights.  I have pondered the fact that on occasion I drink a soda on Friday nights.  But I think I have figured it out.  It’s none of the above.  It is the fact that I am so emotionally whipped at the end of the work week that my mind can’t relax.   I was off work today...on a Friday and I was curious about what my sleep would bring...and last night...Thursday night I was awake most of the night...with my mind racing...and dreaming about work.     ~sigh~  


food wise.  I’m not actually doing too horrible.  When I do track I find that my food is right around 1500 calories.  Not bad.  My weight is staying in a 2-3 pound range.  And I want the weight gone!!!

I was off work today.   It worked out well because I was able to spend an hour or two with my good friends who were traveling through the area!  It was a blessing!   


Before I met up with my friends, I ran some errands.  I was leaving one of the stores and saw a lady laboriously getting out of a truck.  She was huge.  She was probably my age..or younger.   She was struggling to walk.  Her partner walked slow but still outpaced her pretty quickly.   And my heart stopped.  That is going to be me if I don’t clean up my act  I’m not going in the right direction.    And let’s face it....maintaining at 250 pounds (ok I rounded up...it’s 246-248 most days) is not healthy either.  Sure I’m happy with a maintain...but  pathing about that weight is healthy. 


I am killing myself by my current apathy.  Sure, I’m not actively taking a gun to my head...but I am nonetheless killing myself with my actions.


this has to change!














14 comments:

Stained Glass Butterfly said...

So many of your posts are spot-on with what I have been thinking lately. I caught a glimpse of myself in the mirror today, and I was horrified at how huge I look. My very next thought was "This is not healthy." This is no longer about wishing I looked better. It's about the strain and damage I have inflicted on my body.

Mary said...

I've been eating way too much sugar. So far I've been outrunning it but I'm sure it's not good. Like you, work is so stressful.

SANRDJ said...

I think we all get comfortable with where we are and although we want change, it's hard to actually put the action into motion. Your job sounds very stressful. Can you take more time off and actually get a break from it. It's so hard to heal our bodies if they are constantly feeling stressors. Glad you enjoyed your "day off"! Hope you are able to sleep soundly this friday night!

Anonymous said...

I could so relate to this post. This was me almost all of last year. It was very difficult to even keep trying when I was getting no results. You cannot help but want to give up because frankly putting all the effort and get zero back? So I kind of hung tight there for a while. I just didn’t know which way to turn anymore. I would read other blogs and see the people losing weight like crazy. I saw people at work losing weight. And I just started to wonder what the heck was wrong with me? I was watching what I was eating I was out running or walking most days. I did just keep at it though. You never gave up so I never did either. I don’t think all that stress at work has been helpful. Stress is one of the most unhealthy things we have to deal with. I hope that it gets better for you at work. And don’t give up on yourself and your journey. You can do this.

Paula C

Anonymous said...

I am still a believer that the more you don't focus the more success you and everyone will have. For me I stopped looking at a pc of cake as the devil or a pc of pizza as evil , its just a pc of pizza. Now if you eat a whole pizza well then thats a different matter all around. :) From what you are saying is that you are actually doing Ok not focusing or writing about , which is a very new step for you! Which seems to be Ok for now. I do agree that seeing someone suffering with weight is tough, but as long as you don't let yourself get to that point you'll be ok..... Out of all the blogs I read and its a lot, yours is always consistent with exercise!! I mean much more than any other one. So keep it up! :)

For today you are doing ok..... and thats OK!

Mrs Swan said...

YUCK on the work dreams. That was always my ultimate sign of stress. I would dream that I was trapped at the counter helping customer after customer with no end in sight.

I assume you have a three-day weekend so hopefully, you can rest and recharge. Well, really four since you said you had Friday off as well. :)

I am sure you saw my post that we no longer have the bird. Lots of tears here over that. My dogs had a very expensive snack. Ugh. I have a hold on another one that should be ready in a week or two. I also bought a travel cage for my petless bedroom that the bird will be sleeping in and possibly in when no one is home as well.

peppylady (Dora) said...

If I didn't stuggle and still haven't figure out how to loose weight and keep it off. I could give advice. But I can listen and hopefully we can figure it out.
Question...Do you know any thing about overeaters anonymous and thoughts on the group?
Coffee is on and stay safe

MaryFran said...

Yes yes yes’. This is no longer about my size...it’s about choosing to live...and live in a way that will allow me to actually walk as I age...to actually breathe on my own. Etc! In essence this is a fight for our lives!

MaryFran said...

Yes. The sugar and sweets have taken hold of me again! That is my goa this week...to eradicate or at the very least drop back to a banana with some chocolate syrup!

MaryFran said...

I have some vacation time scheduled but it’s just not enough! I need a new job but I feel trapped at my job!!! But I thoroughly enjoyed my 5 day weekend!!

MaryFran said...

Thank you! I am definitely not giving up. I knew with what was going on over the holiday weekend was going to make it difficult. So I gave myself some grace and I plan on going full steak ahead tomorrow...my first day back to work after a 5 day weekend that included the holiday!

MaryFran said...

Thanks for the pep talk!!! I needed it! It reminded me that I need this to be sustainable and that means that there is no devil food and if I do want to eat something it’s all ok...as long as I don’t eat the whole pie! :-)

MaryFran said...

Yes! I needed the weekend to recharge! I actually had a 5 day weekend and had off on Tuesday also. Much needed big boy going back is depressing!!!

Boo to the expensive snack! Poor birdy!

MaryFran said...

I don’t know much of anything about over eaters anon. Might have to check that put! And if you and I can divide out the answer...we will be rich!!!