Victorious Failure

 Have you ever had a time where you were victorious but still a failure?   That is where I am at right now!   while back I threw down the gauntlet!  I was determined to lose weight. I was going to embark upon a 12 week challenge/plan.  I vowed to use the upcoming 12 weeks to slay the pounds from my body.  I came out swinging and I was going to take no prisoners!   

I actually started the challenge out so strong. I was smashing my goals.  I had set a overall goal to lose 2 pounds a week and I was meeting my weekly requirements.  I was on fire!  Nothing could stop me! And then I hit the 3rd week and I hit a bit of a road block.   Yes, week three was not as successful!   I was determined to not let one rough week get me down.  So I kept pushing forward.  And I recovered and lost nicely the following week or two.  Then I hit another rough patch. And so the challenge went through the first six weeks.  Two steps forward one step back.  I was still progressing so I didn't worry about it!

But then the second half of the challenge came....the last 6 weeks.   And oh my, the rough patch started to settle in like a burr on the back of a donkey!   I would have momentary glimpses of loss but then I would settle into weeks of maintenance.  My weeks played out with mostly maintains but an occasional loss and even an occasional gain.   It was frustrating.  It was infuriating.  It was disheartening!  I felt like an absolute failure!   I wanted to crawl under a rock  and hide, because you know that chronicling a weight loss journey on a website and on youtube is embarrassing when you are not being totally successful! I was such a failure! 

And then one day in the shower whilst in the midst of my pity party had an epiphany!  This thought was profound.    I started this journey and vowed to lose 24-25 pounds.  I knew at that point that there was no way that I was going to reach that goal, short of developing some made sickness that caused me to lose an overabundance of weight or without cutting off my arm or leg!   Neither option of course is or was desirable.  So I knew that I was doomed for failure.  But then I realized.  I may not reach the 25 pounds, but how much DID I lose?    Sure, I failed at my attempt to lose 25 pounds....but did I succeed at losing ANY weight?   Did I lose anything?

At that point I realized that I was not a failure.  My body just chose to lose it in a different time frame than my mind wanted me to lose.   I was actually victorious because at the end of the challenge I am able to say that I did lose weight!  I lost more than 12 pounds!    

I could have continued to dwell on the fact that I didn't meet my goal and thus was a failure.  But I am choosing to dwell on the fact that I am down more than 12 pounds! That is more weight than most people lose in a year!  That is more weight than I would have lost had I give up and not even tried.   Those pounds lost make me victorious indeed!!!!

Weigh In Time // Week 6 of the 12 Week Challenge

I have managed to make it 6 weeks in the 12 week challenge that I set for myself.  6 weeks in!   I’ve not given up or wavered in my dedication for the last six weeks.   It hasn’t been easy.    I haven’t always been successful.  But I’m still here…showing up for weight loss each and every day.

My weight has been fluctuating crazily the last week or so.   Last week, my Weight was up.  I was not at all happy.  But I wasn’t deferred.  I have goals and plans. And I want to reach those goals.  I am worth it!  I was going ho to move into the new week and smash it on the scales.

The week was actually a whole lot more difficult than I expected.   I weighed in 2 pounds heavier last Monday for my official weigh in day.   By Tuesday that number was up by two more stinkin’ pounds!   Yes…I’m two days I gained 4 pounds.   My calories were NOT that far out of control….I was eating closer to 1500 calories.   It was totally disheartening and then I had that one day where I just gave in and ate my stress about the scales.  (Yes, i bought into the self perpetuating cycle of eat..gain…eat to feel better!)   Luckily as I wrote last week, when I wrote about my NSV I was able to gather those reigns.  And the weight started to drop.   By Sunday, the day before my official weigh in I had dropped all found pounds and even 1.5 pounds extra! I was super excited!   But on Monday morning when I stepped on the scale for my official weigh in I was back up.   It showed a loss of 2.2…exactly what I had gained last week.  So I recouped that.   That is a relief.  But where did my extra loss go??!

So, for my 12 week challenge…I made a graph.  The green line shows the projected weight I have to lose to meet my goal.  The black (the more jagged line) is my actual weight loss and I chart my loss twice a week.    You can see that I am now ‘behind’ on where I need to be in my weight loss for this challenge.  Not far.  Literally only 1-2 pounds.  This goal is still doable!  It is actually very doable because the goal weight is by my vacation and the 12 week challenge and graph ends a week or so before vacation so there is a bit of wiggle room there.  But not much!   Not matter…I am already 9 pounds lower than I was 6 weeks ago at the beginning of this challenge.  I’m sure I will be even lower by vacation…and that is the win!  (Although I really want to be that lower weight!!)

The scales are frustrating for sure!   But I’m not giving up.  I’m choosing healthy and nutritious foods and that will eventually show up on the scales.  I’m loving healthy.

I sadly expect this weigh in week to be more difficult.  The week should be splendid in other ways though!   Jason and I are both off work on Thursday and Friday.  That’s right, it’s a four day weekend which will be glorious!  But, weekends are more a struggle for me with my weight loss efforts. As our long weekend approaches I am sitting back and giving myself pep talks about how I can easily manage this…I just have to stay focused!  I can do it!

Terribly Lax

 I have been terribly lax on this blog!  I have not been posting regularly and I will be surprised if anyone even reads this....But I'm gonna post anyway.  I am going to post because it is good for me to have a record of my journey.  I am going to post because I need the accountability on my weight loss journey.  SO I'm just gonna do it!

Week five of my 12 week challenge is in the books.  I actually didn't do to bad with the week.  The first few days my calories were right in check!  Then I headed into a long weekend and things got a bit more difficult with my food choices. I never went totally off the rails!  My highest calorie day was right around 1500-1600 calories.  BUT....I know for my body, that is not a lose zone.   I maintained the first part of the weekend and then Monday morning for my official weigh in I showed a gain!  grrrr

I had a doctors appointment last week.  It was just my annual physical.  But I was nervous.  I had a few things that were bothersome.  But they all actually turned out to be 'nothing to be concerned with at the moment.

    * A spot on my face - the spot is just a skin/aging spot. Nothing to be concerned with.  If it starts to bleed or to grow then call them back (or visit a dermatologist).

    * The weird cough and throat clearing I have after I eat (just once or twice each meal) - This is acid reflux.  There is medicine but if it's just a simple cough or throat clear and not bothering me, no need to add medicine at this time.  (Losing weight should help this also!)

    *  My fingers swell during hikes.   This is nothing to be concerned about as long as they are only swelling during hikes and not at random times throughout the day.  (Once again Losing weight should help)

   *  The spot on my lung that was found during my bike accident from last year.   She confirmed that it was just a spot from a previous infection.

   *  She was fully in agreement with my projected 1200-1300 calorie plan and my exercise plan.   Quite happy with it in fact.

    *My bloodwork all came back great.  

So I had a good doctors visit!

We had a nice weekend.  I spent Friday with my mom.  Saturday Jason and I went for a bike ride and did our errands.  On Sunday, we worked on trying to get Kiwi used to traveling.  Yes, we are working to get Kiwi used to care rides (he doesn't exactly like them)!   Overall, we had a good weekend.

SO yes, my weight was up on Monday.  I know that I didn't drink enough water on Sunday...so I'm hoping the weight will correct itself quickly!  But if it doesn't, I know that I am on the right path to health!!!!

Week 4 of the 12 week Challenge

 I am trucking along on this 12 week challenge.   This week could have been a total disaster.  I gained last week and that is typically a precursor to disaster!  But this week I said, I'm not going to let it derail me.

Yes, typically after a bad weigh in my mind starts screaming at me and telling me to give up, it's not working!   I mean, that is the natural inclination isn't it?   I can't be the only one can I?   But yes, when the going gets tough, the weight loss plans get going.    But after last weeks weigh in I sat back and I talked to myself long and hard.  I KNOW that this 12 week challenge that I am doing is a good one.  I know that this 12 week challenge is worth the effort.  I know that my motivation is well deserved and worthwhile.  I know that what I am doing is RIGHT for my body.

So, when I showed a gain, I didn't stumble even one bit.  I just moved on and kept going in the right direction.  I didn't let that number on the scale derail me.  I didn't let it cause me to go into a tailspin of cookies, cake and potato chips.  I continued to count my calories.  I continued to exercise.  I continued to take the steps to fuel my body with nutritious food.   I stayed the course because through trial and error I KNOW what my body needs and what it responds to and I knew that what I was doing was/is the right thing for me.

But did it work?    Yes, this week I lost 2.4 pounds!   YAY!!!!

I stayed the course and I had success!!!   This week.....more staying the course!

Week Three of this 12 Week Challenge

 This week wasn't as successful as my first two weeks.   I can honestly say that I still worked the plan, but it just wasn't meant to be.  That's ok too.

I started my weight week gung ho.  I was coming off of two highly successful weeks of weight loss.  I was sure that I could carry on with the success.   I mean, how hard could it be?   It was hard....on Monday I went to eat lunch and opened the refrigerator.  What to eat, what to eat.    I didn't see many options for my normal vegetable lunch so I grabbed......a piece of leftover pizza.   First of all, That was more calories than I wanted to spend on a single item for my lunch.  But secondly, it wasn't exactly choke full of nutrition.   Two strikes against that lunch.

I was able to watch my calories the rest of the day and I didn't blow my calorie count for the day.  But, that day I was a bit higher than normal.  I wasn't worried though.   Friday I went to lunch with my mom and brother and ate more than usual for lunch....and then had my normal Friday night dinner.  So my calories were a bit higher.   Two higher caloric days.  And when I say higher....I mean that I ate 1500-1600 calories TOTAL.  Not 1500 more than my planned caloric goal.  I was only 300 calories over my goal...for two days.  I continued on with my exercise plan.  I did really well.  I'm right on track with my miles.  We even got in a nice long ride on the canal on our bikes!  I'm doing great with my exercises.   Spot on!  Yet.....

This week I showed a gain of 0.6 pounds.  

I won't lie and say that I'm not bothered by it.  It is infuriating.  But I know without a shadow of a doubt that I can say that my calories and my accounting of my food and exercise was and is spot on. I didn't lie to myself.  I didn't 'forget' to count the bites licks and tastes.   I counted everything.  I did what I needed to do.  The scales just weren't with me this time.  And you know what, that's ok!  

I am here to be healthy.  Healthy is what I am doing.   The weight will fall away....sooner or later.  Hopefully sooner!

12 Week Challenge Weigh In Two

Here we are on another Monday morning.   The weekend is gone.  (Boo). The workweek is starting.(Say it ain’t so). My weekly weigh in has come and now it is time to share my week two results.

After last weeks successful results, I headed into this week strong and determined to rock out this week also and to have another nice weigh in.  I knew I could do it. I had a single minded focused.  I was determined!

I had it in the bag, right?    However, early on in the week (like for the first 4 or 5 days) I started to struggle. I surprisingly did not struggle with my motivation, I stayed firm and strong in my convictions and actions. But those numbers on the scale just fluctuated wildly like a pendulum swinging out of control.  It was frustrating and was infuriating.  I didn’t let it get to me!  I stayed strong and I did not deviate from my plan.  I continued on with my plan with little or no deviation.

The weekend came.  I continued onward.  I was so tempted to give up my weekly sweet treat.  But I wanted it and I know (from past experience) that giving it up totally is not a good idea for me because I will eventually cave and it will be in the most spectacular way…..and not in a good way for my weight loss efforts.  I carried on exactly as normal.  I tried to keep my calories low but actually had two days where my calories were up by about 200-300 calories. My weekend weights were looking slightly better, but I was waiting for the shoe to drop. I honestly went to bed on Sunday night and told my self that a gain was expected and that it was ok.  As I was getting ready for bed that night I actually looked on the mirror and said, ‘It’s ok if you gain.  You are eating healthy foods, you are eating in a calorie zone that will have to bring weight loss eventually and you are being physically active so your body is toning up and getting stronger.  Even if the scales don’t show the results, you are on the right path!”

I didn’t want to step on the scales this morning. But I did.  I lost exactly 3 pounds!  I was shocked.  The first time I stepped on the scales it showed me 4 pounds actually.  But, I had been standing on the scales weirdly (more forward than normal) so I weighed myself a second time.  And that showed the pound higher.   I weighed a third time and vowed that I would take whichever weight I received twice (or take the average if I got three different weights)   But I got the exact three pound loss two times in a row (when I was standing on the scales correctly).  Sold!   Sure I would have liked the 4 pounds more, but the three pounds is the honest weight.  (And if the lower weight was actually true, then I just gave myself a head start for next week).  And three pounds is spectacular!!!

This next week is starting and I’m motivated and determined yet again!  Two weeks of really nice success are behind me and I’m ready to make it three.  I’m not changing anything in my plan.  I’m simply planning on continuing the 12 week workout.  Is it simply the calorie count that I am consistently eating?  Or the exercise?  I don’t care what it is…it is just working!  So I’m continuing!!!!

The Towel Gap

I am a daily weigh person.  It drives me crazy if I don’t know what I weigh.  I panic.   But sometimes daily weigh ins throws me for a loop when the scales don’t do what I expect.   And when that happens I have to remember to shift my focus!

I started this 12 week challenge and I am determined to see it through.  I’m determined to lose weight and work on my fitness levels.  I’m just plain and simple determined.  The plan is simple…a set or two of basic exercises (lunges, squats, push ups, sit ups, etc)….cardio including interval training, calorie restriction and water consumption.   Pretty simple it seems but the potential for great results is astronomical!    Last week was my first week and I did absolutely fabulous!   I lost almost 4 pounds!  (You can read about that here.)  I was on fire and I headed into my new week confident that I would smash this week also.  (I was realistic and didn’t expect 4 pounds!)

Sadly, the scales have not been doing what I wanted.  My weigh in day is Monday for this challenge.  On Tuesday I was down by one more pound.   On Wednesday I was right back where I was on Monday and the numbers just aren’t dropping.  Or rather, they are dropping but soooo slowly.     I was .4 down from Monday’s weight today (Friday).  

It’s disgusting!  It’s disheartening.  I’m doing the exact same thing that I did last week this week! Water?  Check!  Calories?  Check!  Exercise and Cardio?  Check check!   I’ve done it all!  And it’s been spot on!!   But this week I’m not having the same success!   

I’m telling you…it’s disheartening!   In the past I would waver a bit in my resolve, since it’s not working.  But not this time.  I have vowed to hold steady.  Certainly the scales will eventually be kind and show my efforts!

It wasn’t until I was stepping out of the shower this morning when I realized that in just two weeks I could count a huge non scale victory.    In recent months I have gotten out of the shower and dried off.  I have then wrapped the towel around my body.  And I tug and pull because the towel doesn’t quite meet….yes, I suffered from the towel gap syndrome.    But in the last day or two, the towel gap has not been quite so bad…mostly gone.   Now don’t get my wrong, the towel isn’t wrapping around me with lots of room to spare.  But….the ends are actually meeting and there is no skin showing in that dreaded towel gap.  

Can you lose that many inches so quickly?   Judging from the towel gap I’d say yes, and 1-2 inches!   I am notoriously horrible about measuring myself…so I don’t know for sure.  But I would rather have the non scale victory anyway!

So while the scales may not be showing me my results this week…my body is telling me that I’m doing good!  It’s time to keep pushing forward in spite of the scale results!!!

12 Week Challenge / Weigh In Week One

It is finally here!   I can finally post a positive weigh in report!  I feel like it’s been forever since I posted something positive in regards to my weight loss!  And yes, I guess it had been a crazy long time, but today is the day!!!

A week ago I started a 12 Week Challenge.  It is the most simple of plans.  Healthy eating within a calorie goal, cardio that includes interval training, and simple exercise moves (lunges, sit ups, push ups, etc) for some strength training, and healthy amounts of water.  Really it’s that simple.  

I started last Monday.   And immediately I realized that  those ‘simple exercises’ were not quite as simple as I had thought!  They were downright difficult for me because I had let my fitness levels drop so far.  But I didn’t let it deter me.   Each day I pushed myself to compete the exercises.  And it wasn’t easy.  Mentally I didn’t look forward to it because I knew it was going to be a muscle quivering and body ache inducing time.  But I didn’t let up!  I pushed through.   My push ups are modified and can probably be barely construed as a push up…but I  see improvement even within the first week.   My jumping jacks…my knees told me in no uncertain terms that right now it’s not a good thing…so they are modified also.  But I’m out there doing it!  Each day…no other option but to just do it.  Even yesterday…a day off of work I did the work.  My intervals…my exercises and even my miles for the 2021 challenge.  Done!

But weight is lost in the kitchen and not just the gym…so what about my food?  My food was on point!  One day on the weekend I splurged with a donut…but I eat so good the rest of the day that my calories were in check.   And a second day I did go up to about 1500 calories…which when I eat in that caloric range consistently is NOT in lose zone for me. That was a calculated ‘risk’ and planned.  But overall I did great with my food.  I tracked my food before I ate it.  I knew my plan and when the calories were gone, I stopped eating.

So what happened with my weight?   Well I alluded gto the fact that this was a positive post…so yes , I lost.  But the question is this, how much did I lose?     I lost 3.8 pounds!   3.8!  I haven’t lost that much in years!  In the last umpteen years I have been happy with the half pound, or 1 pound losses.  This past week I blew that out of the water.  I nailed a 3.8 pound loss in one week!  

I know that I won’t continue to lose nearly 4 pounds a week.  I may lose that for a week or two, but I fully expect it to settle down and then I’m hoping and planning to lose 2 pounds a week. I am near 250 pounds right now, so that will make weight loss a bit more speedy for a time. As I lose it will go slower but that’s ok. I expect it and I’m ready for it!  But for now…I’ll take a four pound week…and if I repeat it, I would be tickled.  But that said , I’ll be just as happy with a loss of three pounds, or two pounds…or even one pound.  As long as I am heading down on the scales!  I am on my way!!!

Last week I shared my daily banana with Kiwi.  This week I will be sharing kiwi and cherries (pit removed as it is poisonous for birds) with my bird!