Mentally ready

Tested out my new shoes.  Yes, I bought new sneakers the other day.  I bought shoes specific for running.  I used to always buy Nike, but then for some reasons I switched to Asics (they just felt better on my feet).  However, this time around I had a $40 gift card at Sears so I was tied to buying my shoes there.  They didn't have many options for running shoes at my Sears.  I tried on every pair they had.  The New Balance ones felt the best...so that's what I bought. The shoes were about $70 bucks to begin with...on sale for $50.  I used my Sears/KMart rewards points (of which I didn't have many...but 4 bucks is four bucks) and then the gift card...so I paid $6 bucks for these shoes.  I'm happy to say that they felt wonderful!  :-)   (Unlike the zumba shoes I bought and tried out last night...those puppies are going back as soon as I can get back to town to return them.)

My run today went well.   My breathing never once became choppy and harsh.  I could feel myself breathing more deeply and heavily but it wasn't that out of control breathing that has negatively affected me.  Even though my breathing wasn't out of control, I still made myself think about my breathing.  I want to totally train myself to breathe right...that's the only way I will succeed at this running thing.  And let me tell you.  I do feel alive when I'm out there working on this goal.



Today I was thinking a lot about playlists.  I threw some music on my playlist that is within my c25k app without much thought.  Today was really the first day that I got to listen to that new playlist and I was blown away.  I started my run with "I'm too sexy"  by Right Said Fred.  I ran to some Twisted Sister, "I Wanna Rock" and then moved on to Chicago "Alive again" and "Feelin' Stronger every day."   I heard some "Brick house" and "Fantasy" by Earth Wind and Fire.  I had a little "Cheers" by Riahanna (ok ok ok and I heard S&M) also.  I was pretty amazing.  They were mostly songs that were peppy which is good but they were all just perfect for me.  They were affirming to me.  I'm too sexy...I"m alive again.  I'm feeling stronger everyday.  Seriously...could it have been any better?  (totally unplanned too!)   I had one song come on....Lady Antebellum.  There is absolutely nothing wrong with Lady Antebellum....obviously, as I was willing to put a song (or two) on my playlist.  But it just didn't fit into the mood that my playlist was generating. It wasn't generating that feeling of power...that feeling of kick-assed-ness that all the other songs were instilling in my mind.  ANd with that one song (which I do like in normal circumstances) made me realize exactly how important music and what we put into our minds really is in relation to our mental psyche.  Right now I need kick ass music.  I need take no prisoners music.  It matches perfectly with my mission and my determination.   The right music helps the mental battle....and this really is a mental battle.  And with my kick ass music this morning...I'm READY!!!

After my training run I went home and rushed around getting ready for work.  I didn't time it quite right so I only had about 20 minutes to shower, dress, eat breakfast and pack my lunch and head out the door. (luckily I had already packed my gym bag for zumba tonight after work so that was one thing I didn't have to worry about.....I just had to kick Desi, our white big cat out of my gym bag so that I could grab it when I left as he had obviously decided to take a nap in my gym bag).   I showered and dressed in record time and then headed out to the kitchen. Breakfast was easy.  I had made baked oatmeal the other night.  I cut a serving size...and then my head got in the way.  I was SOOO hungry that I cut a piece and a half and chowed it down.  It wasn't until I was in the car on the way to work that it hit me that I totally ate way too much baked oatmeal.  Uhhh seriously. I had accounted for ONE piece.  One piece would have sufficed for my bodily needs.   I didn't need that extra half piece!   I know my training run will have burned off the extra calories. But I just want to scream. (and yes, myfitnesspal has already been adjusted for the extra 1/2 piece).  What's worse.....I feel like a poor bird that has eaten some dry rice and it has puffed up inside that birdy.  I'm STUFFED!  Not sick..but full!

I will leave you with a picture of three of our cats. I apologize for the unmade bed.....but seriously...how could anyone with a heart disrupt these three cats to make a bed??????    Desi is the big white boy..he will be 11 years old this year.  He spent the day at the vets yesterday..his prognosis....he has asthma.   Lucy is the calico that is at the top of the picture. She is now 16 years old. She's starting to show her age..she's more wobbly and doesn't jump near as much because her legs are just getting old.  I put steps up to the bed for her to use...however she's too proud to use them. (Desi on the other hand LOVES them).   Ethel is the little squirt on the bottom of the picture.  she will be 13 years old this summer.  She is an absolute sweet heart to humans and to the other cats...during the recent cat flea baths that have occurred at our house....Ethel is the cat that sits and watches and cries right along with the cat that is being washed.  We have two more...two youngsters.........Winnifred and Mertz. Who knows where they were during the picture session...off being crazy is my bet for at least Winni.

Reinvention

A few months back I was reaching the bottom of my rope.  I knew it.  I recognized it and I started to think in my head.  In essence I was working up my plan of attack.  I was getting myself ready to begin.   During this time I remember standing outside of my zumba class and talking to a friend.  I said one thing in that conversation that sticks out in my mind.  "I want to reinvent myself."    I wasn't happy with the life I was living.  I knew that drastic changes had to be made.  I also knew that when I reinvented myself that I wanted to do it in a way that I be svelte and gorgeous!  But equally important, I wanted to be that girl that was active and fit.  I had no clue where to begin.  I had no clue what direction to go in.  I was literally clueless.  All I know is that I had to start.  I geared up after Christmas.  I started making tentative changes in my life.  I moved the living room around to fit my exercise bike into the living room.  You see, I know from previous years that I am more apt to use the exercise bike in the living room. (that and the bike doesn't seem to be used as a clothes rack in the living room. ha ha ha).  I stocked up on good foods.  I started to track my food intake in order to get in the habit and I dusted off the password to this blog.  I made my plans and I set myself up to start.  January first rolled around and I was off.  I still didn't have a clue exactly how I was going to reinvent myself but I did know this.  Sitting back and doing nothing was not going to get me there.  To reinvent myself required action.  It required me to start.

Start I did.   I tracked my food.....I continued with zumba....and slowly things started to come around that excite me greatly.

The first thing that happened was a conversation between my manager and I.  She and I were talking about a customer of ours...he is travelling around the states.  We laugh because his accounts never show any signs of hotels/hostels/campgrounds.  We think he may be literally doing a bohemian trip...seeing the sights and sleeping in his car.  She and I both expressed a longing to explore and do something like that...cheaply see the world.  That was when I remembered the long ago dream that Todd and I have had.  That dream?   We want to do a through trip on the C&O canal.  184 miles.  We have said that we would do it in three days and camp at the hiker biker campgrounds along the canal.  I had sat down a few years earlier and thought about what I would need to buy in order to prepare us.  We already had good bikes.  We would need to make sure that our repair kits and first aid kits were completely stocked of course.  But beyond that we would need a tent, sleeping bags and a trailer or panniers to carry our gear.  We had always said that we would cart some simple food for snacky meals but just stop at certain places to eat out (Hancock, Harpers Ferry, etc...there are places along the canal to stop...every once in a while....at least once a day).   The trailer or panniers is what got me.  EXPENSIVE.  Hmmmm.   BUT in the course of the conversation with my manager, I realized that my brother had just moved to our area and while he grumbled about moving it becasue his kids were too old for it....he had brought out his kid trailer!   Of course I asked him the next day and we now have the use of a trailer and sleeping bags.  He offered their tent (as did my friend Sherry........Hi sherry!!!).  The tent will depend on who's doesn't leak (my nephew told me that theirs may leak) and size...remember we are going to have to cart this with us for 184 miles on a bike.   Soooooooo completely in my right mind I took time off of work for early September.  We have the date for the ride booked.  Now it's just a thing of making sure that we are on our bikes regularly through spring and summer.  WOO HOOO    

The second thing that fell into my lap.  Running.  I've always had it on my list of things to do.  But it was my friend that spurred me into action.  I am gung ho on this running thing.  Right now I am aiming to definitely run in the Keller Williams 5k on March 23rd.   I'm also planning on running the Donut Alley Rally in August.    Sherry has a third one in Frederick that she wants to run along with her husband...so if it works with my schedule, I'll probably hook up with them and run that one.   And of course The Turkey Trot on Thanksgiving day.  Of course I want to do that one again.  

The third thing is not anything really new and it's similar to the first thing.  Todd and I both plan and want to ride Pedal to preserve again.  I have ridden this twice before.   It is absolutely gorgeous. It's through Lancaster Farmland...riding by farms and ground that the organization that this ride is raising money for is actually working to preserve.  It's a really good feeling!  The first time I rode it was in 2009.  I rode it with Donna  my blogger buddy who is now my real life, in person buddy.  (Hi Donna!)  The second year I rode it again with Donna but Todd also joined us. 

 Now the thing I"m pondering...if I can get a decent road bike...(I currently ride on a hybrid/comfort bike)....if I'm already running..and already biking....should I do a duathlon......hmmmmmmmmmm

This is going to be my new life. And honestly....I'm excited! :-)  

Inspiration and love and a wee little report

Another week down.  I am actually very happy with myself.  I nailed the exercise this past week.  I nailed the eating.  I conquered the urge to binge.  I lost 1.2 pounds.  1.2 may be smaller than I have typically been losing but I'm tickled with it and I will take it.   That makes 13 pounds since the beginning of this year!  :-)

Another tidbit of inspiration...............

Strongest Dad in the World by Rick Reilly

Eighty-five times he's pushed his disabled son, Rick, 26.2 miles in marathons. Eight times he's not only pushed him 6.2 miles in a wheelchair but also towed him 2.4 miles in a dinghy while swimming and pedaled him 112 miles in a seat on the handlebars – all in the same day.

Dick's also pulled him cross-country skiing, taken him on his back mountain climbing and once hauled him across the U.S. on a bike. Makes taking your son bowling look a little lame, right?

And what has Rick done for his father? Not much – except save his life.

This love story began in Winchester, Mass., 43 years ago, when Rick was strangled by the umbilical cord during birth, leaving him brain-damaged and unable to control his limbs.

"He'll be a vegetable the rest of his life," Dick says doctors told him and his wife, Judy, when Rick was nine months old. "Put him in an institution."

But the Hoyts weren't buying it. They noticed the way Rick's eyes followed them around the room. When Rick was 11 they took him to the engineering department at Tufts University and asked if there was anything to help the boy communicate. "No way," Dick says he was told. "There's nothing going on in his brain."

"Tell him a joke," Dick countered. They did. Rick laughed. Turns out a lot was going on in his brain.

Rigged up with a computer that allowed him to control the cursor by touching a switch with the side of his head, Rick was finally able to communicate. First words? "Go Bruins!" And after a high school classmate was paralyzed in an accident and the school organized a charity run for him, Rick pecked out, "Dad, I want to do that."

Yeah, right. How was Dick, a self-described "porker" who never ran more than a mile at a time, going to push his son five miles? Still, he tried. "Then it was me who was handicapped," Dick says. "I was sore for two weeks."

That day changed Rick's life. "Dad," he typed, "when we were running, it felt like I wasn't disabled anymore!"

And that sentence changed Dick's life. He became obsessed with giving Rick that feeling as often as he could. He got into such hard-belly shape that he and Rick were ready to try the 1979 Boston Marathon.

"No way," Dick was told by a race official. The Hoyts weren't quite a single runner, and they weren't quite a wheelchair competitor. For a few years Dick and Rick just joined the massive field and ran anyway. Then they found a way to get into the race officially: In 1983 they ran another marathon so fast they made the qualifying time for Boston the following year.

Then somebody said, "Hey, Dick, why not a triathlon?"

How's a guy who never learned to swim and hadn't ridden a bike since he was six going to haul his 110-pound kid through a triathlon? Still, Dick tried.

Now they've done 212 triathlons, including four grueling 15-hour Ironmans in Hawaii. It must be a buzzkill to be a 25-year-old stud getting passed by an old guy towing a grown man in a dinghy, don't you think?

Hey, Dick, why not see how you'd do on your own? "No way," he says. Dick does it purely for "the awesome feeling" he gets seeing Rick with a cantaloupe smile as they run, swim and ride together.

This year, at ages 65 and 43, Dick and Rick finished their 24th Boston Marathon, in 5,083rd place out of more than 20,000 starters. Their best time? Two hours, 40 minutes in 1992 – only 35 minutes off the world record, which, in case you don't keep track of these things, happens to be held by a guy who was not pushing another man in a wheelchair at the time.

"No question about it," Rick types. "My dad is the Father of the Century."

And Dick got something else out of all this too. Two years ago he had a mild heart attack during a race. Doctors found that one of his arteries was 95% clogged. "If you hadn't been in such great shape," one doctor told him, "you probably would've died 15 years ago."

So, in a way, Dick and Rick saved each other's life.

Rick, who has his own apartment (he gets home care) and works in Boston, and Dick, retired from the military and living in Holland, Mass., always find ways to be together. They give speeches around the country and compete in some backbreaking race every weekend, including this Father's Day.

That night, Rick will buy his dad dinner, but the thing he really wants to give him is a gift he can never buy. "The thing I'd most like," Rick types, "is that my dad sit in the chair and I push him once."

Take my breath away

This is the year that I am once and for all going to become a runner. OK, it's at least the year that I get this running of a 5K out of my system.  I participated in my first 5k, the Turkey Trot on Thanksgiving day.   I did it with Paula (left) and Terri (right) .   We did have bouts of jogging during that run.  But we walked a good bit of it (as evidenced by my time.  LOL)   It was fun and it got my feet wet.  I KNEW that my original goal of simply not being the last to cross the finish line in my division was not good enough to make me happy.  I wanted to actually RUN the whole thing.  I sat on that idea for a bit.  After all it was cold outside.  It's winter and I think I've already made it clear that I'm a bit of a wimp!!!!   But as you know I started the Couch to 5K program this week.  I even started it on a blustery cold as crap day.  Or so I thought.....

Yesterday I knew I had to get my run in.  I had a few motivating factors. Of course there is the March 23'd run coming up on me.  I also knew that my friend Sherry was doing the the same program that I am doing and I didn't want to fall behind her!   The video that I posted yesterday was also a huge motivator!   If he could do what he did, then I can overcome a little cold weather....a little discomfort!  So out I went.  It was getting dusky.  It was cold.  It was snowing all around me...swirling and making it beautiful.  (the path was clear)   The windchill was 15 degrees F...yes, I was outside running and walking in that kind of weather.  It amazed even me.  But while I was running I started thinking about this running thing and how I am handling it.  I thought back to the turkey trot.   I thought about how my first two runs had gone.  It was  startling discovery.   My legs were not the reason that I struggled.  I didn't struggle with running because my legs just couldn't move.  I struggled for a totally different reason.

I struggle with running because my breathing gets harsh and choppy.   I felt as if my chest were going to explode during the Turkey Trot.  My breathing was a mess and that breathing caused me to falter in my mission. It wasn't a lack of energy.  It wasn't a feeling of dead weight in my legs.  It was my breathing, through and through.    It was almost as if I started running and my mind realized it and I panicked and started to hyperventilate.    So yesterday,  I focused on my breathing.  Deep breathe in for 3-4 steps, then breathe out for 3-4 steps.  It worked!  I regulated my breathing and the time went by without my feeling like my chest was in dire straights.     As soon as I stopped my focus though, the choppy panicked breathing came back.   Focus focus focus.   I know that if I focus on my breathing that what I am REALLY doing is training myself how to breathe while I run.  I can do this!

Meanwhile, I will be signing up for the Keller Williams 5K which is on March 23rd of this year!!!!! (I'll be running for the north side...I like that course best..... in case you are nearby and want to join in the fun!)

This morning I hooked up with my partner in crime running, Sherry.   We did Day one of Week 2 together.  We have decided that early Sunday mornings will be our get together. In this way we can exercise AND have our weekly spill the beans and get stuff off our chests session.   It will keep us on target as we know that every Sunday morning we will be moving another week further in the training..and I for one certainly don't want to get left in the dust.  :-)   It was chilly again this morning.  It was Sherry's first experience running outside in the cold (and in fairness only my third).  She handled the cold  with great aplomb and realized the same thing that I did.....most of the fear of the cold is in our heads.  It really isn't that bad!



Took  a sneaky little peak at the scales.  If I can hold it together today....I'll be OK for my official weigh in tomorrow...even with that pop of weight yesterday.  :-)

NEVER GIVE UP!

If this doesn't make you believe that you can do it...I don't know what else will!

Binge

I fought.  I really did fight it.   What was I fighting?   A true and absolute binge.  I made it through the month of January and I was heading into February feeling strong.  However, with about two hours to spare at work I started dreaming about food. (cue deep dark music here)  I was hungry.   I got home and somehow refrained from gnawing the doors off the pantry while I made my planned meal.  I was home alone so it was going to be simple.  A peanut butter and jelly sandwich (yes, I ante up the calories for peanut butter all the time...I don't like meat so peanut butter is a no brainer for me) and some various fruits.  While I made the peanut butter and jelly sandwich I decided that I was going to forgo the fruit and instead had some veggie chips instead.  No, not fresh veggies cut up.......think potato chips.  I at them and I thoroughly enjoyed them too!  However, I felt guilty.  Even though I had the calories to accommodate those chips I felt guilty.  As the guilt ripped through my body, I fought with myself.  You see, I wanted to get more chips.  I wanted to add pretzels.  I wanted to add all kinds of food to my plate.  I wanted to keep eating.  I'll admit, a defeatist attitude overtook me and I said to myself, "I've already compromised my day by eating potato veggie chips, I may as well live big and indulge.  Eat eat eat. "   I stepped away from the kitchen.  I managed to avoid the binge, but it was difficult. I did go back and get a handful of dried strawberries....but they were all accounted for also in my tracker.

This morning shows me up on the scale by 1.3 pounds.  I KNOW I didn't eat that much food yesterday.  For goodness sake, I was only 39 calories over my budget. (1339 yesterday).   I also know that on the first day of my ....well....suffice it to say that when I weighed everyday I was able to track my body cycle...and on day one my weight would pop by 1-2 pounds.  SO I'm OK with it...really, I am.  OK, OK, OK...I'm fighting it in my head...simply because I didn't want to see that pop upward on the scale.  But oh well...such is life.  My plan.  Hold steady and firm.  All will rectify within a few days if I don't lost control of myself.

January was smooth sailing for me.  It all seemed to go well.  It was easy.  Like I said, smooth sailing.  I'm still going strong, but yesterday  was just a reminder of exactly how difficult this journey is some days.  I need to remember to gather strength while I'm going full steam ahead.  That strength will carry me through the 'down' moments.

Meanwhile, this weekend is going to be difficult.  Birthday celebrations galore.  My niece turns 10 and my nephew turns 6.      I know it going in.  I'm trying to figure out the best way to proceed.  I'm going to do my best, make the best choices that are available to me and carry onward!    I have already talked to my sister in law to find out what is for dinner tonight (my nieces family birthday meal) and I have my food planned out.  I have an extra 250 calories set aside so that when my niece pulls out her birthday cake I can have a nibble.  Notice I said a NIBBLE!!!!  I've got today planned.  I should be good.  I'm also planning on trying to sneak in a run somewhere between work, picking up my nephews, taking my oldest nephew to his soccer game and the family dinner.  I have this!

Thinking Thin!!!

Pulled from the Ashes

I'm going to start with a little story today.

A few months ago, I was looking through some bins of my craft items.  Now I love crafts.  I dabble with this and I play with that.  I switch it up frequently.   I get bored with something and I move on.  Eventually I go full circle and get back to the original craft.   So I have bins of craft items.  As I was looking through the bins I stumbled across my cross stitch bin.  I was appalled to realize that I had not one, not two but 9 unfinished cross stitch projects hanging over my head.  I vowed that I was going to tie up these loose strings and finish my unfinished projects around the house.  I decided to tackle the cross stitch first.  Maybe quilts will be next...who knows.  :-)     The first cross stitch took me about 2 months to complete.  That's two months of working night (at home while watching tv) and day (I'm lucky enough that I can do small projects like cross stitch in between our few and far between customers).  It is the picture that is embedded in this paragraph...sorry for the glare on the glass.    The second took a few weeks (smaller and closer to completion than the first one).  The third one was really simple (just back stitching left) and I finished that really quickly.  And then I tackled the Thomas Kincade cross stitch that I had started 10-15 years early.  I started.  I was rolling along.  I was doing it and THEN I realized that I must have put it down 10-15 years ago because of some COLOSSAL mistakes.  My edges didn't line up, my house would be lopsided, and we won't even mention the flowers.  eiii yiii yii......  Oh it was bad!  I was tempted to throw it down in despair.  This thing was messed up with a capital MESSED UP.  I didn't quit though.  I took out some stitches on the edge.  I mentally told myself add one stitch when you get to this point in the project and to deduct a stitch when you get to that point. Do such and such when you get to that spot.  It was a headache.  It was a chore for me to even pull it out and work on it some days.  I wanted to scream and cry and gnash my teeth with frustration.  But I persevered.  I pulled this from the ashes and made something out of it! It is done and honestly, to the naked eye, it looks pretty darn good. 

As I neared the completion of this headache inducing cross stitch I started to think about the unfinished aspect of my life.  I am unfinished.  I need to FINISH this process of losing weight and settle into the 'new me'.  I am an unfinished project.  Even more revealing to me as I thought about the unfinished prospect was that I realized that I have been unfinished for so many years because I would make a 'collassal' mistake and that would make me throw up my hands and quit.  Still not following me?   I am doing good for a day or two and then holy of holies we go out to eat and I lose control and order the fattiest greasiest meal and follow it up with a large dessert.  Or I binge on chips and ice cream.  I make a bad decision.  What is my natural tendency??   I quit because I made a mistake instead of stepping back and figuring out how to move forward.

Just like the messed up Thomas Kincade cross stitch project.  I am not throwing unfinished projects aside anymore. I will make mistakes in my cross stitch and other crafts, just like I will in my everyday life and in particular my healthy lifestyle.  But just like this cross stitch proved to me.....mistakes can be rectified with a little patience and juggling.  Some mistakes I could easily correct.  Some I had to substitute and some I just had to learn to live with.  But just like my life...the end result is phenomenal.



Even with all the mistakes that I had to correct.  Even with all the mistakes that I had to learn to live with.   Even with the headaches and the frustration....I'd say that it turned out pretty darn good (sorry less then stellar picture.... I literally snapped the picture seconds after I finished the last stitch)






I had decided to weigh myself this morning, even though it's not my normal weigh in day.  Why?   Well it's the beginning of a new month!  I did.  I remain exactly the same as I weighed on Monday.  WOO HOO I maintained my weight this week. I refuse to be upset about not losing!!!!   I didn't waver in my determination.  I didn't eat food that I shouldn't have eaten.  I didn't skip exercise.  I did what was right. Should I have lost.  Yes.    Guess what??? The scales didn't show my efforts today.  Who the heck cares?   The scales WILL eventually show my efforts.  The pounds eventually will fall off.  I'm doing what is right.  That said, I woke up thirsty which is a sign that I am dehydrated...and usually that bodes ill for a weigh in for me.....plus TOM is knocking on my door...I wish I could tell the monthly ick that I'm not interested and it can go away...but that's not the way of life.   This is life...and results don't always directly match up with efforts every single time you check.  They will eventually though.

Alive!!!!!!

I've said it a few times in the past weeks about how I admire people that go outside and jog in extreme weather.  I have seen people running on snow packed roads.  I have seen people running in cold weather.  I've seen it all.  I look at them and I admire them.  I feel a bit envious actually.  I want to be that dedicated but I just struggle with it.  My house is so warm.  My bed is so toasty.  It's cold out there!   I have two friends out there that are planning on doing 5K's with me this year.  So this is the year that I turn myself into a runner.  Those two friends are lucky.  They both have access to a treadmill at their house.  I'm not so lucky.  If I want to do this I have to go outside and do it on the roads.  Yesterday I went to bed and I was determined.  I would start today.   I got up and putzed around the house.  I looked at the weather on my phone.  I looked outside.  My heart filled with dread.  It was WINDY as heck out there!  And it was COLD!  Yes, it was 39 degrees....with a wind chill more than 10 degrees colder and oh yeah, the wind was whipping at 25 plus MPH!

I didn't let that deter me though.  No no no.  I threw on a tee shirt and some exercise pants.  I threw on my socks and shoes.  I added a hooded pull over sweatshirt and then topped it with zipped up hoodie.  I grabbed my cell phone and I was off to the battlefield (Antietam Battlefield). I parked and opened the car door.  The open fields offered no windbreak for the wind that whistled against me....my car door felt like it weight 8 tons.  But I crawled out of my car and started.   The first few minutes were really chilly.  I need to add some gloves to my ensemble.  My legs were chilled with just the light layer of cloth but not annoyingly so.  After about 5-8 minutes I was comfortable with the exception of my hands.  But by about 20 minutes in I was toasty, even a bit sweaty on top and even my hands were comfortable.  Day one of C25K in the books.  WOO HOOO    I'll hit it up again tomorrow.  :-)  (yeah yeah yeah, I know a day of rest and all that...but I'll do this MY way).  There I am, double hooded and face nice and red from the nippy weather and my exertion.  There were officially snowflakes a few times...so I guess I can say I've run in the snow too!!!!!

That said, in the month of January I have added 103 miles to my virtual travel across the states.  I am still in Virginia (it is a rambling route through VA and Virginia is WIDE as all get out!)  I am currently 5.62 miles out of Scotchtown, VA!  


I went home and did a few things around the house including making lunch and getting ready for work (I didn't have to be at work until noon today).   As I drove to work one thing pounded in my head.  What word was that?   ALIVE!!!!!  I feel alive, and I like it!

Forgetful

I woke up this morning.  I had my eating plan for the day lined up.  All was well.   I was on target.  But then......somehow I forgot to eat my breakfast before heading to work.  Yes, I forgot to eat breakfast!   In fairness to my memory, I normally don't work the earlier shift, and I struggle with breakfast those days.  My body is used to waking up and relaxing an hour or so before eating.  So breakfast is the LAST thing on my mind on my early mornings.  In fact, I usually just eat a serving of fruit on these days.  In fact, that what was planned.....grapefruit this morning.  I got to work, typical to my day, I pull up MFP so that I can keep an eye on my calories and day. (I don't know why, it's not like it changes...what is planned is planned...but hey, it's working for me).  And that is when I saw "grapefruit" listed as my breakfast.  Uhhhhhh, oops.  I hadn't even thought about breakfast until I read that....now my stomach is growling and grumbling.  Seriously?   I didn't even know I had skipped it until I read it and IMMEDIATELY my stomach starts growling?   No way.....that just PROVES that it's all in my mind! 

Zumba rocked last night!   Got a good sweaty workout in!

Stress relief

How often has this comic strip happened in my past.  Throughout 2009, 2010, 2011 and 2012 this comic strip was my life.  It's actually not very comical.  Yeah, it shows me that I'm not alone.  But it reminds me of  my failures during not one, not two, not three but four long years.  Four years in which I gained 70 pounds of the 135 that I had previously lost.  Four years of feeling miserable because I had no control over my addiction, my body and my life.  No, that isn't funny at all.     I've turned it around though and I'm absolutely amazed at how incredible I feel.  I feel on top of the world.  Yeah, life still has many suck factors. But there is something to be said for taking control of something that previously was spiraling out of control.  It really does change my whole demeanor about life.  I teetered on the edge of depression for most of those four years. (OK, some friends would say that I actually fell over the cliff into the pits of depression.  LOL)  But miraculously, I got my eating under control and the depressive feelings have eased up.  The world doesn't look so bleak. 

Last night at Zumba I was talking to some of my zumba peeps.  We were talking about what an awesome workout it is.  But then we segued into the other side affects that working out has.  We unanimously agreed that when we are stressed out the last thing we WANT to do is to go to zumba...however we all KNOW that it is the only thing that we SHOULD do!   We talked about the healing properties that stomping our feet and blowing off some steam in the form of exercise.  Working out is not just for our health.  It is for the whole body.   Like I said, I HATE the process of starting exercise.  I dread starting, I dread it all.  I even sometimes hate the process of exercise.   However, I LOVE the after effects. I love that wide awake alive feeling that infuses my body when I'm done.  I love the sense of peace and happiness that overtakes me.  I love the sense of accomplishment and pride.  I love love love the aftereffects.  So I keep pushing on through the hate stages because I know what comes afterward!

 

Charming myself

I have been toying with various rewards for myself.  I've thought about this and that.  I've thought about just saying that with each ten pounds I lose that I will then set the next reward.  I've gone back and forth with this for so long. And then I remembered a reward system that I had heard someone else a long time ago use.  This girl (sorry, I have NO clue who it was...I read this probably 5 years ago... on a blog) bought a charm bracelet.  Her rewards were new charms signifying her loss.  I remember thinking how awesome that idea was.  I remember being saddened because I was already more than halfway through my weight loss and didn't feel like it would be right to retroactively reward myself for all the previous pounds lost.   But the idea stuck in my head.  It resurfaced today.

You see, today I had my official weigh in for the week.  I lost 3.1 pounds.  That is 11.8 pounds since the beginning of my restart which was at the beginning of this month.  Time for a reward!!!!

I decided to roll with this as my reward system. I'm NEVER going to have another chance to reward myself this way and it will be a great reminder for me to be able to look down at my bracelet and remember my accomplishments.   I decided on stepping away from the typical charm bracelet that we all remember from growing up.  I went with a pandora style charm bead bracelet.  I didn't want to spend a ton of money to start this process...so I shopped around and bought a relatively cheap one.  I figure I can purchase a better bracelet down the line when money is not so tight.

I have decided to get a new charm for every ten pounds that I lose.  I have also decided to be open to getting a charm to signify big weight loss/healthy lifestyle events.  For example, a 5K that I actually RUN.  My first century bike ride, fitting in my engagement ring again (I had it resized smaller when I was at my low weight and have never had it resized up again).  In this vein, I got a charm to signify my starting this journey again.  I thought that what I chose was perfect because I lived in regret and doubt for so long that I never really put my all into restarting this journey.  And that just caused the regret to grow larger in my mind.  I saw this and knew that it was a perfect charm to signify the beginning of this FINAL mission to lose weight!


In case that second paragraph was overlooked, I will repeat....I LOST 3.1 pounds this week bringing my total to 11.8 since I recommitted myself!   That would mean that I am due 10 pound charm.  I chose something relatively simple.  I chose a charm that simply said "Dream"  These first 10 pounds have happened simply because I allowed myself to dream about the possibilities that lie before me if I just put my nose to the grindstone and DO IT!   I started to dream and 4 weeks later I'm down 11.8 pounds.   Dreams are what keep me motivated.   :-)


Yesterday I wrote a bit about Masala Bhangra, the new exercise dance class that I had the opportunity to try yesterday.   Miscellaneous Mom asked me how I could compare Masala Bhangra to zumba.  I figured I would explain it on here, since Masala Bhangra is not a very well known class...YET.     Basically these are two classes that are both centered around dance.  While Zumba focuses primarily on music and dance steps that are Latin in flavor.....Salsa, Meringue, etc etc etc.   Masala Bhangra uses an Indian music and the dance steps are derived from the Indian Bhangra style dancing.  So very similar in concept, but very different in beat and style.   Zumba seems to incoroporate more fitness moves and masala Bhangra focuses more on the dance. (however that could simply be due to the fact that this was an introductory class for everyone)  However, that said, my muscles were just as sore from Masala Bhangra as they are from a killer Anita zumba class.   My arms got a better workout with Masala Bhangra yesterday....they were SORE last night.  Why is this?   The Bhangra dance apparently has lots more arm movements, as in most of the hour my arms were either over my head or held out at shoulder length.  Uhhhhhh arms get heavy after a while!   The class is just as fun as zumba...basically just a different beat pulsating through the room and my body!  It's just as fast paced as Zumba. Just like a good zumba instructor, the Masala Bhangra instructor yesterday showed modifications for moves that were above some participants levels.  So the class is easily adaptable for all fitness levels. The time flew by!  I hope that there was a LOT of interest in the class for the upcoming training in March.  If there is, I will be very hopeful that a class begins near me at a time that I can attend!  On that note, my mind tells me that I'm not in shape enough to become an instructor......I know that's a crock.  However, it's on a weekend I work and I don't have the money to pay for the class.  Yes, it was that much fun!  :-)

Masala Bhangra

Today was the day that they offered a Masters Class for Masala Bhangra at the place that I go for zumba.  I went in and didn't have too much information other than watching one video and knowing that it was Indian dance based.  Seriously, I knew nothing else.  I arranged my day around the class and I arrived early so that I could get a spot in the front (I like the front, it allows me to see the instructor and thus have a better idea about what I am supposed to be doing.)  The introduced the class and the style dance and then they began.  Oh my word.  It was a workout!  Fun!   I at one point thought that I was going to have to sit down because I was pushing it so hard.  I just drank a LOT of water and pushed onward.  Fun fun fun!  I was BEAT red during the workout.  In fact, I talked after the session for a few minutes, we took a group photo, I put on my sweatshirt and jacket and gathered my stuff and walked to my car and THEN I took that picture.  You can see my face is BEAT red, even after a good 5-10 minute recovery.

As I walked into the building they were collecting money as this was a paid event for us that we couldn't use our punch cards (we buy a punch card and each class we attend we punch..when we run out of punches we buy a new card...works like a charm).  One of the regular zumba instructors (Kelsey) was there sitting with a fellow zumba girl (Karen) taking the money.  (The attendee has recently received her zumba certification).   Karen looked at me and said "Soooo, I'm dying to know.  How much weight have you lost."   Now I've been going to zumba for upwards to three years.  This girl has NEVER asked me that before.  I didn't think anything of it though and told her my results thus far (took a sneak peak and it SHOULD be good tomorrow).     She went on to say, "You came back after the winter break on fire.  You are pushing yourself and I knew that it meant that you were probably doing the whole thing."   She was tickled with my results.  She and I talked about deprivation versus eating healthy.  They are truly two different things!     It was really good to receive confirmation of my efforts.  (Sherry noticed my increased drive the first time she saw me at zumba after the winter zumba break and told me about it immediately!  :-)

Excuses meets dedication

I'm still a bit congested, but really do feel well enough to exercise.  I need to get my exercise mojo on.  Tomorrow will be easy as I will be trying out a new exercise class. OK, it's new to me..... Masala Bhangra is the name.  Hey, sounds like it could be a hoot.  :-)  It is an type of Indian Dance and I figure it will be worth a try out.    Then of course Monday, Tuesday and Wednesday are my zumba days.  So I just need to find the mojo to exercise today.

 That said, I was totally floored this morning.  The road I live on is a back road.  It's narrow and dangerous in the BEST of conditions.  We are plowed last and even when plowed the road remains pretty bad until nature takes care of the snow.  This morning I was driving Todd to the studio and I was coming home.  It was about 9 AM.  I was taking my road slowly because of the treacherous conditions.  And what should I see?    A JOGGER?  IN this weather!  With snow on the ground!!!   Jogging on  small country snow covered road!!   That my friends is dedication.  I can't say that I will  ever be that motivated.  However, it really does go to show that my excuse of snow/cold/weather etc etc etc is a crock of doo doo!

Enough said...today is my stay home and vegetate on the couch (or in bed at times)day and I need to get back to that activity!  :-)  (well maybe after some xbox kinect!)

Feeling stronger everyday

I saw this the other day and little did I know that it was going to have such a profound impact on my mentality later this week. Yesterday I listened to my body and did no exercise.  I was starting to feel better but just still felt sluggish and run down.  I did however have to do some work in the kitchen.  Mainly, I had to make cookies for a workshop that our business is hosting on Saturday and I had to make Chocolate covered cherries (filled with cheesecake filling) for a co-workers going away party today (Friday).  I ate my food...and then I had a cookies worth of cookie dough and a baked cookie.  I then had a chocolate covered strawberry.   Yes, I went over my allotment of calories for my day.   Yes, I tracked!

I had planned on making a few kinds of cookies.  I however stopped baking midway through my baking marathon.  Why?   Because I knew that I had already consumed too much and that if I kept baking, I would consume more.  I KNEW I would.  There was no talking me out of it.  I KNEW it would happen.  So I stepped away from the kitchen.

I am at war with myself.  Part of me wants to scream that yesterday was a total failure.  I didn't manage to stay within my 1300 calorie goal.  HOWEVER, I was only slightly over 1500 calories.  I didn't blow it and eat 3000 or 4000 calories.  I went over by 200 calories.  Which is still a respectable calorie count.  Was it what I am for?  No.   Was it terrible?  No.    So I am going to count yesterday as a victory.  It could have been MUCH MUCH worse....but I kept my eating in line to lose (just not at the rate that I normally do).  Meanwhile, I learn from my mistakes.  :-)  That is what is making me stronger!

Today...potluck at work.  GRRR   I'm really going to do my best to keep this under control today!!!  I don't know what dinner holds, so I can't even say I've got 'such and such amount of calories."   So I am being tested and I WILL SUCCEED!

Cough cough cough

Best laid plans.  Yup, that describes my 'killer workout' that I vowed was going to happen last night.  I was at work yesterday and I had my workout clothes here with me.  I was READY.  I was goign to do this.   And as the day progressed, I felt progressively worse.  My throat started to REALLY bother me, to the point that swallowing brought tears to my eyes.  My face literally hurt (insert all those jokes about my face hurting you too.....I had a brother, I can handle it).....which tells me my sinus' were really acting up.  My cough was a hacking wet cough.  I was not in any shape to exercise and I recognized it.  It really upset me to skip it.  But I'm endeavoring to live a healthy lifestyle.  Going to zumba when I feel like so miserably sick is NOT a good idea.  My body needed the rest.  I pushed through this earlier in the week and actually did a double session of zumba on Monday night and I did zumba on Tuesday also along with a jaunt on the exercise bike.  I was still feeling the effects of the cold those days but I knew that my body could handle it.  Last night, I KNEW my body needed a break.  So I gave my body a night to recover, to rest and to relax.  Will I do anything tonight?  The PLAN is to get on the exercise bike for a bit.  Will I actually do it?   It all depends.  If my body is telling me to rest and I discern that it really is what my body needs then I will heed the voice of my body.  This is about HEALTH....not just weight.   That said, I'm still eating within my calorie range!!!

A Pain in the butt

Sometimes I get so down thinking about how much further I have to go.  I REALLY want to snap my fingers and be at my goal weight.  I want to snap my finger and fit in all my smaller clothes.  I want to snap my fingers and be a thin Goddess.  I would like nothing better.  But that's not the way it works.  This journey takes time.  This journey takes persistence.  This journey takes a drive that requires focus and motivation.  Is it fun all the time?  Heck no!  Is it worth it?   Absolutely.   However, if I was able to snap my fingers I would not have learned so much about myself.  Through this process I learned and actually was able to figure out that I have an addiction to food.  In fact, I remember an 'aha moment' where I actually saw my addiction working and it all made sense to me. I made discoveries about what my body is capable of. I pushed myself further than I thought possible, often stepping out of my comfort zone.  I have learned what my body needs in terms of nutrition.  I have also rediscovered who MaryFran is.  This process is about learning.  Learning how to take care of this wondrous body that I was given.  This process is important and while I want it to speed along, I'm going to soak up every lesson I can on the way.  You see, every lesson I learn makes me stronger.  The stronger I am, the better my odds for maintaining all my results!

I'm having an interesting problem today. It started last night.  And yes, my husband had a heyday with this when I announced it.  My BUTT hurts!  OK, OK, OK....stop laughing.  It's not really my butt, but more like my butt cheeks.   I must have just pushed harder on the squats and lunges during the last few zumba sessions.  But seriously, I got into my nice firm bed last night and just the firmness on my buttocks caused that twinge of muscle pain to ripple through me.  Butt pain is very serious matter!  Will I let it deter me from zumba tonight?   Nope...I'll be there zumba-ing my heart out!

Something + Anything = Everything

The mind is a crazy thing.  Last night I was plotting out my day.  When I say plotting out my day I was planning my food and thinking about my exercise.  Zumba after work was pretty much a non-negotiable thing.  I try not to skip that too often.  But I went to bed with grand thoughts of waking up and exercising for a bit in the morning to kick start my day.  Grand thoughts, grand dreams and actually a great idea.

However, I woke up and I felt like curling up on the couch next to my cat Desi.  (Actually Desi is my husbands cat...he doesn't like me all that much, he sorta tolerates my presence).  My mornings tend to be more on the lazy side.  I lay in bed and read a bit.  I get up and mosey to the couch and play around checking all of my various on-line sites that I visit.  It's a bad habit that formed on the days that I don't have to be at work until 10.  It's one that I know that I need to break. But it's just so tempting to curl up like a cat and sleep.


However, I knew that curling up on the couch wasn't an option. So after I dropped my husband off at the studio (still sharing a car) I came home determined to get on the exercise bike and get some kind of activity into my morning.  I walked through the kitchen and looked at the sink.  There were dishes in the sink.  Yes, dishes!  Dirty ones!  Now mind you, I hate house cleaning..I do it of of course.... but a few dishes in the sink would not have caused the end of the world in my house.  I could have tacked them onto the dinner dishes tonight and it wouldn't have been any skin off my back (it was only two glasses, a coffee cup, a bowl, a plate and a few pieces of silverware).  But no....my mind just said "MaryFran you HAVE to do these dishes now!" So I did the dishes (our dishwasher is leaking and while we know that it is just the intake hose, Todd hasn't gotten around to fixing it......so I am doing dishes by hand).   Of course pushing off exercise was not a problem.


While I was washing dishes it occurred to me that I really needed to make my bed.  Seriously!   No, I couldn't delay making the bed.  I had to do it right then there was a burning need within me.  I had to do it before the cats settled onto the bed for their first cat nap of the day!  Of course, this was once again pushing off exercise but that wasn't a problem was it?  After all, there were much more important things to do!  However I started to realize that my mind was trying to sabotage my efforts to exercise. These things were not important.  You see, I don't always make my bed.  GASP!   But it's true,  sometimes it doesn't get made, and the world does continue to spin on its axis.  So why was I gung ho today?  There was only one thing.  My mind was at war with itself.  Crazy eh?????   I made that bed...determined to go straight to the exercise bike afterward!



Best laid plans though......Of course I had made my discovery about my self sabotaging, so I was thinking about exercise.  And that made me think about zumba......and it reminded me that I didn't have my clothes out for zumba. I pack my clothes and take them to work.  Even though there is time for me to go home to change between work and zumba (about 15 minutes), I know that if I go home I would NEVER make it back out the door.  So of course I took a few minutes to pull out my workout gear.......My mind at this time TOTALLY knew what was happening.  Instead of letting it beat me, I vowed to not let it get me down!   Even as all these thoughts went through my mind I decided that I had to get pictures of my day for this blog.....GRRRR that took a few more precious minutes of my morning.


No fears though.  I STILL got myself onto that exercise bike!!!   It wasn't a long ride.  It wasn't a super strenuous ride.  However, I wasn't aiming for distance and I wasn't aiming for super strenuous.  Tonights zumba is my kick A$$ workout!  This morning was simply to get my body moving.  To do SOMETHING. Any kind of activity was what I was aiming for.  Because 15 minutes or 30 minutes is SOMETHING.  You see, if  you NEVER do it;  you will never get there.  Something, anything equals everything!

I'm still rolling.  Determination rules every step I take.  Failure is NOT an option!!!!!

Happy

I think a big part of this journey is being happy with where I am now. I can look back and remember when I was thinner. Remembering how good thin felt is a positive thing. Remembering how bad fat feels is also good. But I can not dwell on the should haves, could haves and would haves. I'm where I am right now and that is all that matters. Comparing myself with the me from 2008 or 2010 or even 2012 is self destructive. Likewise comparing myself to the gal that stands next to me at Zumba or the woman I see walking down the street is self destructive. I am where I am and I have to be happy with it right now. The past is just that...the past. The future though....that's wide open!!!

Thinking thin and very happy with myself!!!

Ohhh and three weeks into the new year and I have lost 8.7 pounds thus far!!! 3.3 pounds this last week!!!

Sick and tired and some gorgeous cats

OK, so I'm just feeling sick and tired.  Literally.   I have been on the go all day. And I'm just whipped.  My sinus' have been draining and my throat is raw and that rawness is causing a cough.  (or maybe I've got a cold or something and just refusing to admit it..I'm sticking with a little sinus drainage).  So I've been sucking on the Halls today.  Dang, I wonder how many calories those things are per lozenge (isn't that a fun word....lozenge lozenge lozenge)???   If those darn Halls threw me over my calorie count today I'm going to be one made cat lady!   CRAP!   each one of those drops are 15 calories!  Shucks!  I've had maybe  5 of those suckers!....that's what I'm counting.  So 75 freakin' calories wasted!!!  That...that's a half piece of cake!   Or maybe a whole apple (a big one)!!   I've been robbed!!!!!! 

Even with my halls cough drops I am still OK on my calorie count today.  I have NO CLUE HOW.  OK OK OK, I DO know how.  Let me recap.  This morning Todd and I went to town early.  We stopped at Waffle House.  I REALLY wanted a Texas melt (egg bacon and cheese...it's one of the only times I break my pork ban...for that sandwich) and hash browns.  But the sandwich alone is something like 750 calories.  I opted instead for a waffle.  I drank water and I had no hash browns.  Todd and I did our thing in town.  I took him back down to the studio (remember, we are sharing a car......very interesting to share a car...but surprisingly it's going well).   I almost immediately turned around and headed back to town to be with my family.  I got to congratulate my niece for her GREAT scores at her gymnastic meet yesterday.  I got to visit the museum in my 5 year old nephews bedroom.  (Lots of interesting artifacts....things like his Halloween costume, his favorite Christmas card....highly interesting things) and I got to talk to my extremely intelligent 12 year old nephew (I had to pretend I knew what he was talking about half the time.. ha ha ha).   And then we went out to eat.  Yes, the kids usually get to pick on Sundays...so we went to .....are you ready?   McDonald's!!!   I planned ahead and got a small fry and a grilled chicken snack pack wrap (although I get tongue twisted when I say that).     We hit up Sam's Clule and then we went and I bought a new mattress. I'm HOPING that a better mattress helps my back issues.  I needed a new mattress and box springs desperately.  My brother helped me get it with his truck.  Everyone came down to my house and it was a few minutes of out with the old and in with the new.  Then we all traipsed out into the woods for a brilliant winter walk.  I let them take out my metal detector and they had fun as we hiked.  :-)     After they left, it was dark and I had to set up my bedroom. (I upgraded sized bed also....so things had to be shuffled a bit).  I put my new sheets on the bed and then took a shower.  I finally sat down to eat something but my sore throat is just taking any desire to eat (swallow) out of me so I just had an English muffin and jelly.

Some of the cats seem to approve of the new bed and sheets (the sheets were an incredible deal at Target....and the plum color is so fun!) Of course I had already tried the bed out and read a bit in bed, so it didn't look all neat and proper when I took the picture.   

Lucy and Ethel giving their stamp of approval to the new bed.

When I first made the bed Ethel pulled her normal stunt of running under

 the sheets as most cats love to do. However, instead of playing

 under there, she curled up and took a nap!

 

 

So more a lot more carbs than normal.  And few few veggies and fruits.  But still within my calories!!  That is  victory! 

 

THINK THIN!

A change of thinking and zumba (again!)

I'll start with zumba today since there was some questions.  I stumbled upon was forced to try zumba a few years ago.  My friend Sherry had been telling me about this great workout.  She kept telling me that I just HAD to try it.  I threw up every excuse in the book.  You see, the fear that I talked about a few days ago was rearing it's ugly head.  I was afraid to try an exercise class.  I was afraid that I would look like a water buffalo on crack.  I was afraid of going in as a 'fat girl', I wanted to wait until I was thinner.  I was afraid of the unknown.  I was afraid of it all.   Sherry kept prodding...she was relentless.  She even went as far as to find a class that I could attend, even with my wonky work schedule.  (the zumba site actually has classes listed, it's great...in case you missed that link...here it is again!)  I was pressured and I was freaked out.  Remember, I said she was relentless. One day I caved and grudgingly said "OK then, I'll do it!"  I admit, that I said I'd go only to appease my friend.  I went.  I was scared.  I was nervous.  I tried to stay in the far back corner.  And guess what?   That hour flew by!  I worked up a sweat!   I was even smiling!   It was absolutely fun!  I went back the next week.  I started making friends at the class.  One night I accidentally found myself in the front row and found that zumba is even more fun when you have a birds eye view of the instructor. I fell in love with the class.  :-)  By the way....thank you Sherry!  You rock for getting me over that hump to try something that you KNEW I would love!  And this just goes to prove that sometimes we have to force ourselves to do things that scare us because we may find out that we LOVE it!

Reasons why I'm a huge proponent of zumba.
1.  The hour flies by. It is face paced music with a good beat that helps the time FLY by!
2.  Modifiable.  Zumba is awesome in that it can be modified.  If you are at a lower level of fitness you can tap your toes in time with the music. If you are medium level you can side step. If you are at a high level you can jump it.  A good instructor will give the modifications to the group.  Some days I am full of vigor and just rock my work out at the highest energy level.....but some days I go and I have to dial it back and lower the intensity level.  Zumba allows me to do that.
3.  Zumba is not just dancing.  It combines dance steps with fitness moves.  Those dreaded lunges, squats and jumping jacks (amongst others) get slipped into the songs choreography so that while you know you are doing them, your mind isn't screaming about it.  (yeah, it's a mind game).
4.  Variety.  Zumba has tons of different levels certifications that instructors can get.  There is zumba toning (zumba with toning sticks to help ton muscles), aqua zumba (zumba in a pool), sentao (zumba with a chair.....don't let the chair fool you, it's a KILLER workout), zumba gold (zumba that's even toned down further for people in their golden years), zumbatonics (kids I believe), etc etc etc.
5.  It's a great workout.  It has lots of work to help slim down and shape the body!  And don't we all want to be shapely???

I could wax poetic about zumba, but I wont' continue.  I do have zumba for my Xbox kinect.  I use it and like the workout.  But there is just a vibe and energy in a class that I personally love.    It's not for everyone...but I would encourage everyone to try it just once.  :-)

I have sat back on this journey and learned many things about myself.  The one thing that I've figured out but I just struggle with changing is the mentality of "I can't do that now...I will wait until I'm at my forever weight."  That was one of my thoughts with zumba....I'll do it when I get to a better weight.   You know what I'm talking about...it's statements like.....I'm not going to buy new clothes now, I'm going to wait until I lose the weight. I'm not going to go on that big vacation now, I want to be thin and gorgeous first.  I'm not going to do this or that until I drop the weight.  Well I'm here to say Why the heck not?  Why does weight have to define everything.  We have to love ourselves as we are right now.  The person that we are inside right now.  That is the key ingredient to losing the weight....loving ourselves.  You see, if we don't love ourselves, then we won't value ourselves enough to make the effort that it takes to lose the weight.  It's a vicious cycle.  We don't feel worthy of doing what we want now because we are bigger.  That parlays into our efforts to lose the weight because self worth plays a BIG roll in weight loss. And if our self worth keeps us from losing the weight, then how in the world will we EVER get to the weight loss goal in order for us to do all of the 'when I get to my forever weight' things?  I'm rambling, but I don't know how to say it better.   I'm going to endeavor to not let my excess weight (that is temporarily clinging to my body) hold me back. If I want to go to a nude beach, I'm going to say "to Hell with it....I'm doing it!"  (luckily for me, that's not something I think I will EVER say though...haa haaa haa..but if I did....)

I will leave this post with a bit of a story.....

Once there was a girl named MaryFran.  She had a pair of pants that were HUGE on her.  She got into the bad habit of not unbuttoning and unzipping her pants.  She would just pull them on and off without that hassle.  One day...lets say it was a Friday...probably January 18th, maybe the year 2013. (haa haa haa) she was getting ready to go to work and was in a rush because as typical, she had messed around with housework all morning and found herself crushed for time.  She hopped out of the shower, dried off and quickly grabbed these pants.  She pulled them up and immediately put on her shirt and then was out the door.  About 45 minutes after getting to work, this poor girl put her hands in her pocket and noticed something funny about the pockets.  She pulled and prodded the pockets trying to figure out why there was only room in her pockets for her fingers and not her whole hand.  She was so confused.  She started to look more closely at the pants and that is when she noticed.  Why yes......she had pulled her pants on and had worn them backwards for the first 45 minutes of work, even as she waited on customers!   She quickly righted the wrong of course.  But it did make her laugh so hard that she was crying (and of course she told her co-workers who laughed just as hard).........just like she hopes it makes you laugh.  (yes, this is a VERY true story!)

Zumba weight gain

I was thinking about zumba yesterday.  I started zumba-ing myself almost three years ago (I think February or March will be the exact 3 year mark).  I was roughly 210 when I started attending zumba.  I was in great shape.  I was jogging upwards toward 30 minutes without stopping.  I was riding my bike religiously miles upon miles each week.  I started with one zumba a week and quickly progressed to 3 zumba sessions and even some double sessions (back to back classes when I could handle it) I was extremely fit.  In the last three years of zumba, I somehow allowed myself to go from 210 pounds to 252.8 (that was my highest and my new years day weight for this year).  Other than a few exceptions I did zumba religiously. (exceptions.....when I pulled my lower back out in 2011......the chest pains of late 2010....etc etc etc).  I rarely skipped.  It has been a constant in my life.  Yet I found myself gaining.  How could that be?  I ate badly.  I had weeks where I was totally on track with my eating, but I had weeks where I ate candy and desserts....because 'one piece of candy doesn't really hurt too much does it'?   Of course one piece turned into two, followed by some potato chips and then topped off with a piece of cake. I was not in control of my eating.  And that is the crux of the matter.  You can lose weight without exercise.  The food we are putting into our mouths really is the key to it all.  (well, unless you are exercising 5 hours a day or something ridiculous).  The good thing?   If something keeps us from exercising???   We can still lose based solely on diet.  It's not a two way street.

Sadistically Sore

I have been rocking my workouts. I've been trying to push myself in my workouts....push myself to the next level, really give it my all!  I can feel it in my muscles.  Muscle aches have been my constant companion of late.    Lets see, there was Zumba Sentao on Monday night.  Don't let the Zumba Sentao description kill you.  Zumba centered around a chair.  Chair exercises...easy peasy right?   NO NO NO, think push ups, planks, squats, all while you are 'dancing' around.  It's crazy hard and the muscles twinge after a session.  (you know it's a good workout when your instructor comes back the next day and says "Is anyone else sore from Sentao last night, because I sure am!"   And this is a lady that leads upwards toward 30 zumba classes a week...at age 65)  Then I went to zumba on Tuesday night.  I left my class on Tuesday night and felt vibrant and full of energy so after my quick dinner, I hopped on the exercise bike!    Therefore, since I was off work on Wednesday afternoon, I decided to go for broke.  I went to the early zumba class at 5:30.  I pushed myself through that hour and five minutes (she went 5 minutes over...and yes, I'm counting those five minutes).  I had a ten minute breather and then I started my second sixty minute class (5 minutes over again).  So 130 minutes of hard core jumping, squats, lunges, toning.  I got home and my muscles were shot!!!!  I was plumb tuckered out.      I woke up this morning and felt twinges in my arms, my legs and most of all, my abs!  Weeeeeee   I hate the pain, that first feeling of moving and just wanting to groan.  However, I just want to grin every time these twinges hit me.  I LOVE the feeling of the twinges.  It's a badge of pride that I ache.