Mind games

As I've written a few times in the last few days, I didn't have a stellar week last week.  I ate way out of control.  I admit it..  It is what it is....it's the past and there is nothing to do but to move on.  I'm not happy with it, but I'm  ok with it.   As I also mentioned, my weight was up on my official weigh in day....Friday morning.    Once again, it is what it is.....I may not like it but I need to accept it.

I accept accepted it but also looked deeply at what needed to be done to correct the problem.  I weighed myself and decided immediately what plan of action I would be taking.  Todd asked for Breakfast Pizza that morning.  My recipe is really tasty...but kind of high in calories.  One slice is about 315 calories.  I will freely admit that I have eaten 2 slices and possibly even three before.  OF all things caloric speaking, that's a lot of calories in one meal....almost my whole daily allowance!   I sat down after my weigh in and planned out my food intake for the day.  Dinner, lunch and breakfast.  I planned out exactly how big my serving would be for our dinner meal.  I planned my lunch and I got to breakfast.  I had enough calories for one slice of breakfast pizza and some applesauce.  I made the pizza and served it up.  I served Todd his typical serving of two slices and placed my one piece on my plate.  It was extremely tasty!  I fought the urge...I wanted to stand up and grab another slice of breakfast pizza so bad!  I went round and round in my head. My body was screaming at me that I needed that other slice.  I was still hungry after all!  My mind and my desire to be thin eventually won the battle and I cleaned up breakfast and went on with my morning, even though I was still a bit hungry.   About  an hour later I made a startling realization.  I wasn't remotely hungry.  I hadn't needed that slice of breakfast pizza after all!!!!

I was strict with my calorie budget on Friday and Saturday.  On Saturday that lesson of not needing food that I had convinced myself that I desperately needed was replayed.  My hunger is in m mind. I just need to remind myself that if I plan out my food with thought and care that what I plan to eat is honestly enough for my body!    Easier said than done!

So it's Sunday evening......I rocked Friday.  I rocked Saturday..and why yes, I did actually rock my eating today too! 

I didn't exercise Friday or Saturday but I was active today.  (Although I will admit that I wanted to cancel my morning walk with my friend.....seriously, it was cold out there!  I didn't...nor did she!).  So that's my next order of business....get that exercise back in line.  (ok, so I actually exercised 4 days this last week...that's not bad.)

What if a dog were chasing you?

Amazing!  That’s all I can say.  A week or so ago  I realized that I had to put a LOT of miles on my body in a very short amount of time (for me at least).  I attacked it with an optimistic hope and view.  I could do this.  12 miles a day wasn’t that bad….right?   Not a problem!   I started….riding daily, trying to knock in a few extra miles here and there with walks and runs.  I started to chip away at the mountain that I found before me.  I saw the miles that I still needed to drop away.  Yet on Monday I allowed doubt to fill me.  I was ready to quit.  I didn’t quit and I’m happy to say that I have completed my mileage.  In fact I completed it with two days to spare!!!!!!

 

A week or so my brother was talking to me.  I made a comment about hills being my nemesis.  I HATE hills.  SERIOUSLY!   I mentioned a ride a few weeks back. In this ride I attacked the hilly section of the battlefield.    I made if up the worst hills and was just attacking the gently (ha…nothing is ‘gently rolling’ on a bike) rolling hills that cropped up every time I blinked.  I mentioned my need to stop half way up the hill due to the fact that I was struggling to carry enough speed to stay upright (yes, I started to fall).  My brother had one comment for me.   “I bet you would have flown up that hill if a dog was chasing you!”

 

That comment made me think.  Yes, if my options were to ride like the wind up a hill or be bitten by a dog, I’d have to say that my adrenaline and body would not even think about how tired I was and I’d be FLYING.   (On the other hand, maybe I’d just lay there and let the dog maul me…ha ha ha….JUST JOKING)   So these thoughts were floating through my mind for a few days.

 

Then I read a book called Finding Ultra  by Rich Roll.  In this book Rich tells the story about how he had abused his body for years and on the eve of his 40^th birthday he had an epiphany and realized that he had to change his life….drastically and without delay.   He changed his diet and while the book does expound on the benefits of his chosen diet, it was the exercise that touched me.  You see, he dreamt big.  REALLY big.  He started riding and running and picked back up swimming (a sport from his youth).  He bypassed the marathons and century rides.  He bypassed the triathlons and even the Ironman competitions.   He attacked an ultraman race.   Haven’t heard of this race?   Well, lets start by saying it is an unsupported race. You don’t have hydration stations.  You have to provide your own crew.     Not a biggie right?  This is a three day race.  Day one is 6.2 mile swim in the open water followed by a 90 mile bike ride (including 6000 feet of climbing).  That about sums up day one.   Day two is a simple leisurely bike ride of …ohhh nothing short of 171.4 miles (including 4000 feet of climbing).   Ready to quit yet?   Day three is the running portion.  It’s a pretty much a double marathon…don’t know how many miles that is?   52.4 miles.  This was the premiere one of a kind, invitation only event that offered no prize money, only personal satisfaction.  (they have since added a few ‘qualifying ultraman events’). 

 

This race really isn’t about the numbers (although I know that people give heir eyeteeth to win it). It really is about beating yourself.  It’s about persevering through personal pain and the mental challenges. 

 

So anyway, this guy Rich did it.  He pushed through odds and pain that the average person can’t even begin to think about.  He ran that race not once, but twice.  He also talks about completing 5 Ironman courses in a week.   This guy was in great shape, but what spoke to me most was that he also had the mental fortitude that is needed to push through the pain.

 

“When you believe you've reached your absolute limit, you've only tapped into about 40 percent of what your truly capable of.  The barrier isn't the body.  It's the mind.”    David Goggins

 

So reading this book on the heels of my brothers comment really hit me squarely in the forehead.  It reminded me that this battle to get better at running and on my bike is a fight not in my body…but rather in my head….it’s not my body giving out, it’s my head!

Forgetful

I woke up this morning.  I had my eating plan for the day lined up.  All was well.   I was on target.  But then......somehow I forgot to eat my breakfast before heading to work.  Yes, I forgot to eat breakfast!   In fairness to my memory, I normally don't work the earlier shift, and I struggle with breakfast those days.  My body is used to waking up and relaxing an hour or so before eating.  So breakfast is the LAST thing on my mind on my early mornings.  In fact, I usually just eat a serving of fruit on these days.  In fact, that what was planned.....grapefruit this morning.  I got to work, typical to my day, I pull up MFP so that I can keep an eye on my calories and day. (I don't know why, it's not like it changes...what is planned is planned...but hey, it's working for me).  And that is when I saw "grapefruit" listed as my breakfast.  Uhhhhhh, oops.  I hadn't even thought about breakfast until I read that....now my stomach is growling and grumbling.  Seriously?   I didn't even know I had skipped it until I read it and IMMEDIATELY my stomach starts growling?   No way.....that just PROVES that it's all in my mind! 

Zumba rocked last night!   Got a good sweaty workout in!