Tenuous Hold

 I should have realized that the 'sadness' that has been prevalent in my life for the last few years was going to return.  I honestly can look back and see that there were signs of the impending doom.  However, it came as a total surprise because it hit during a time when I should be feeling hunky dory for a variety of reasons.

Lets talk about the good first. I had my weekly weigh in yesterday morning.   I was down on the scales.  I was down by another  3 pounds.  That means that in the last three weeks I have dropped 4.2 pounds. Yay me!!!!

 

The end of work last night also signified the beginning of vacation.  I normally don't talk about vacation until it's over because I don't like to announce the fact that my house will be empty while we are away. But this is a staycation with day trips and activities planned for each day, so my house will not be empty and even the day trips will have us departing and arriving home at random hours.  So yeah....vacation has arrived.  Hip Hip Hurray!

So why did I find myself standing in the middle of the kitchen last night a few minutes after arriving home from work crying my eyes out?   Well the official reason  was that I forgot the potato chips! Yes, potato chips.   I had to work until 6:15 and decided that the kitchen was closed for dinner.  so when I left work I dropped an online order for dinner.  Subs.....turkey for me.  Everything went well, I stopped to pick them up and grabbed myself a drink and then went home.  I was taking everything out of the bag when I realized that I had forgotten to grab potato chips.  Queue the tears.   

The potato chips were just the icing on the cake.   It's been a rough week for me.  I've made it no secret that I have struggled with my emotions in the last months and years.  As I sit here and type I think about some of those visits to mom in the last year or so of her life.  There were times where mom just looked at me and knew I wasn't OK.  I tried so hard to hold it together when I was with her, but I would just sit and cry.  Mom was safety....comfort.....love.    I feel like for years I was holding on by the skin of my teeth...even before mom died.....and after her death it was just even worse.    I vowed that the new job would be my new start and I've honestly been doing really good since starting my new job.   

I was confident that I had turned the corner.  I've been sleeping good and honestly just have felt so much lighter emotionally.  This past week the sleepless nights returned.  I honestly thought it was the time change wreaking havoc on my sleep.   I even thought at first that the tears last night over the missing potato chips was due to sleep deprivation, I have always been one that cries when I'm super tired.  (Although I don't feel super tired, I knew that my sleep wasn't that great.)  But as I laid in bed last night at midnight (and 1AM...and 2 AM....etc) I recognized that my issue wasn't a general issue with being on the old time zone because my mind was RACING!  I was so tired and wanted to sleep, but I couldn't turn my mind off.  And that is when I knew that the tenuous hold I had on my peace had slipped.

Breathe in.  Breathe out.  

  I can't change some things.  I can't bring my my mom back.  I can't erase the period of unemployment.  I can't change most of what causes that heaviness of my soul resulting in my mind racing.  But I CAN focus on the good in my life.  I can remind myself that it could be oh so much worse.  I can focus on the beauty in life.  

So moving forward that is exactly what I will be doing.  Focusing on the beauty of life and focusing on changing that which CAN be changed.    We have plans for our week off and maybe it was my subconscious reminding me to look for the beauty in our world but these last few days I kept thinking and saying to myself "MaryFran, get your camera out and the batteries charged so that you can take your good cameras......dive into photography during your time off".   Photography saved me once before....it forced me to not look at the negative and sadness and instead focus on the beauty in the world.  So this vacation may be a lot about photography amidst our travels.    As for the change.  Yes, I have lost 4.2 pounds in three weeks, but it should be more (especially at my current weight)......my healthy endeavors is something that I can change.  I may not be able to change what the scales say (because those things are fickle!) but I CAN change my efforts!

  

 

 

Wash Rinse Repeat

 We all know, that consistency is the key to success.   Wash Rinse Repeat....over and over and over again until you reach your goals.  But what about the wrong kind of consistency?   Wash Rinse and Repeat can also be extremely harmful because consistency with something that is not beneficial can and will create problems.

That is exactly what I faced this past week.   I didn't set any clear cut plan and instead went to follow my loosey goosey plan to get things under control. I still hold firm with my loosey goosey plan to reduce calories but not to start fanatical about it.  It should have gone swimmingly well. However it didn't and I honestly consider myself incredibly lucky to have even pulled out the maintain on the scales.    So what did I do?  I messed up my lunches, in terms of calories.

 So what has typically worked for me is for me to plan on one full meal a day.  This is the meal that I cook for us.  (This week we had lasagna, chicken sandwiches, fish and chips (well I had leftovers that night since I don't eat fish), and pesto chicken.  Nothing out of the ordinary....but full meals...including veggies and whatnot.)  For the other meals in each day what I have found that works for me is to eat a lighter meal....honestly more snacky than anything else.  (Lots of fruits and veggies, cheese, etc)  This has ALWAYS worked for me.  It is just how I have found a way to manage my calories (or points when I was WW).   That works for me on a typical day (I will eat more for lunch if we are hiking or biking or doing something really active).  

This week I defaulted to what I WANTED to eat for lunch instead of what I knew was healthy for me.  I ate leftovers every day.....normal sized servings of leftovers!   I didn't follow the routine that has typically always worked for me and I did it  day in and day out. Yet I expect changes to occur.  Changes can't occur if I am not being the change. 

So yeah, I did a wash rinse repeat of old habits this week......and I consider myself lucky to have escaped the week with a maintain!  

 Halloween was fun.  Zoey of course looked smashing in her costume!

 

And of course I rocked out my costume.....I was a domino.  Actually all of my coworkers were dominos....but here I am as a domino! 

10 week Challenge Week 1 Recap

 I started my 10 week challenge one week ago.  The week has flown by and it is time to share my progress!  If you are doing the challenge with me, let me know in the comments how you did!

 To start with, I will go ahead and recap quickly what the 10 week challenge is.  There are 4 basic parts.  Food, water, cardio and a few strength moves to be done 5 days a week with two days of rest built in (or two days with extra opportunity to get more movement).  The strength moves are easy and focus on functional movement.(you can download the chart here)

 Cardio

I totally nailed the cardio aspect of this challenge. I got my cardio and completed each of the five 'required' week days cardio workouts.   On the weekend I didn't do any formal exercise routine but rather  stayed busy with life and yard work and other manual labor things.  (I used the push mower and did all the trim work, I weeded a LOT, I moved downed tree branches to the burn pile, took mulch from our big pile and mulched a complete path, etc.  )

Admittedly, there was a one day (Day one actually) were the cardio just about killed me.  OK, killed is rather dramatic!   But seriously, that day I was NOT feeling it and wanted to quit every one of those 20 minutes!  But I stayed consistent and completed it.  The only thing that kept me from quitting was this 10 week challenge!

While I did have my day of struggle, I also had some victorious days where I went above and beyond to complete 40-50 minutes of cardio.  Some in one sitting and once with a double workout! (Once before work and once after work, for 20 minutes a piece.)

Water

I nailed my water consumption also!  Totally nailed it.  I did so well on this that toward the end of the week I went from 64 ounces of water consumption to 80 ounces.  I did have a few issues with bathroom trips in the middle of the night on one day when I didn't get my water done early enough in the day. My typical plan for water is to drink the bulk of my water during the day and to be done heavy drinking by 5PM.  I still drink in the evening, but not as much.  This has historically always been the trick to keep me from getting up a gazillion times in the night for a potty break. I didn't do that one night this week and I lived to regret it with multiple bathroom trips that interrupted my sleep.  But I learned my lesson and didn't do that again! 

Strength

As you can see from the above chart the strength stuff is really just functional movements.   I am embarrassed to admit how difficult these have become for me.  There was a day just a few short years ago that these movements were NOTHING.   I remember when Jason and I were talking about planks one day in our early days of dating.  We did a plank challenge to see who could hold it the longest.  I lowered to a plank and  held it....and held it....and held it.  Minutes upon minutes.  No shaking, no quaking no struggle.  I just held that plank.  This week I discovered that my plank ability has disappeared.  5-10 seconds was a struggle.  How sobering is that?

It wasn't just the plank that was difficult. The sit ups and crunches were tough and the wall sits were murder.    I don't know why I was so shocked at how difficult they had really become.  If I am being honest with myself, simple functional movement in life has become quite difficult for me in the last year.   It was seemingly overnight that it became difficult for me to kneel and then stand again.   Even sitting down and standing again has felt like a lumbering chore.   It has freaked me out.  It happened overnight.  I'm only 51! I'm too young for that!  This challenge is a place to start to regain that movement!

It was difficult, but I completed my week of movement for this aspect of the 10 week challenge.  I may have had to do my planks in 5 second intervals.  My push-ups may have been the sissy version and barely a push up at that.    I may have been shaking and struggling on the wall sits and my sit ups and crunches may have not been perfect or even correct.  But I did them!

Food and the Scales

I did great with my eating!  I kept my calories within the proper range each and every day.   I had a few struggles through the week, but I kept it under control.  I was so super proud of myself!   So how in the world did I manage to only maintain my weight?    I was sure that I was going to show a loss!  How could it be anything else?   Yet, the weight didn't budge.  (In fairness, it didn't go up either, which is a good thing!)

How disappointing!  How demoralizing!  How utterly horrible!

On to week Two of the 10 Week Challenge

I'm not letting it get to me though.  I made great first steps toward regaining some of the mobility that has been slowly slipping away.  I have been drinking my water.  I've been exercising.  And my food has been controlled.   What I did would have been enough to see BIG losses in past years.  However, it's not working for me now.  My body and hormones are adjusting, so that means I need to adjust also.   I just need to tweak one or two things to start losing.  I can't blame it on anything other than my food this time because I've gotten all the components for success in place.  So food is where I am focusing.

My first thought was to up my protein.  I've heard protein is huge for a woman of my age.  So I did my research to see how much a 51 year old woman should be eating.  I then went to Myfitnesspal to see what my recommended daily amount was. (It was the same.)   I then looked at my past week to find out where my stats lay.   I was pretty spot on with my protein.   There may have been one day that was a bit lower.  But for the most part I was spot on.  So I knew that protein was not the issue. (However, I will continue to monitor and try to increase wherever I can.)

So that left me with my second thought.   Calories.   I have long kept my calories at a low level.  1200-1500 is my range (and honestly, I prefer to keep them 1200-1300 for weight loss).     Now immediately, I know that some people will be like 'well that is your problem, it's too low".  BUT, I have long tried to hold on to some semblance of normalcy.  I am already hyper focused on tracking my food, I wanted to retain some sense of freedom by not weighing and measuring every bite of food I eat.  So for me, the lower calorie count is my way or allowing myself to not measure everything and to not worry about counting that squirt of ketchup or drizzle of chocolate syrup.  It has historically worked for me, so I had no thoughts that it wasn't working.  But clearly SOMETHING is not working.  So, the goal for this upcoming week is to measure, weigh and count EVERYTHING.   It's possible I will need to do this long term.  However, it is possible that I just need a reset of my mental judgement for measurements and portion sizes.

Honestly, I am NOT looking forward to this.  I have always resisted losing this last piece of freedom.  But it is what it is!   I want change to occur, so that means I need to change.   Crazy that that thought of change came to me a few days ago.....and this disappointment on the scale that has forced me to look at myself and forced  ME to change.   I don't like the view of where my life is going without change.......so I will change myself to change my future!

Taking the first steps toward health: getting started

Changing is so difficult!  In my mind I can know 100% for certain that I want to change and live a healthier life!  I know what I want!  I know that the end result is better than anything that I could ever imagine.  Yet why is it so difficult to make the changes?  Why is it so difficult to take the first steps!!

It is the Christmas season.   For the first time in many years I’m totally excited about the holiday!  I was happy the last few years but this year, the first year in my own place again...with Jason....is proving to be extra magical!  We have taken the time to revisit some of the childhood classic cartoons (yup...we started watching on December 1!).   What fun memories ....and seriously...you can’t beat the classics!   We checked out the classic cartoon version of the Grinch  and that first night we also watched ‘Santa Claus is Coming to Town’.   (Amazon Affiliate links)  My dad always loved the Winter Warlock and would always sing/hum the song sung as he transformed from grouchy Mr. Warlock to nice Winter.  I never understood his fascination with the song...i guess i though that it was just really catchy.  But this year I really listened to the lyrics ...and holy moly, if they don’t speak to someone that is hesitant about taking the first steps to changing their life...than I don’t know what is!!!  (And now that I think about it, I think dad may have referenced this in a sermon once!). As the song (and speech parts)  says,  it really is OUR choice to change and it starts with one step...one foot in front of the other...and soon you are walking cross the floor...one foot in front of the other and soon you’ll be walking out the door!     Is that not so apprapos for a weight loss journey also?   Just take the first steps...

Here are the lyrics (with the speech parts included ...really...take the time to read them...but if you don’t want to read them...listen...I have a video included at the bottom!

It’s time to take ‘one step’ and put one foot in front of the other and change my life into one much more healthy and active!

Lyrics

[Speech]
Winter: I really am a mean and despicable creature at heart, you know. It's so difficult to... [sighs] really change.
Kris: Difficult? [chuckles] Why, why look here. Changing from bad to good's as easy as...taking your first step. 

[Chorus]
Put one foot in front of the other
And soon you'll be walking 'cross the floor.
You put one foot in front of the other
And soon you'll be walking out the door. 

You never will get where you're going
If ya never get up on your feet.
Come on, there's a good tail wind blowin'
A fast walking man is hard to beat. 

[Chorus]

If you want to change your direction,
If your time of life is at hand,
Well, don't be the rule, be the exception
A good way to start is to stand. 

[Chorus]

Winter: If I want to change the reflection
I see in the mirror each morn...
Kris: Oh, you do.
Winter: You mean that it's just my election?
Kris: Just that.
Winter: To vote for a chance to be reborn? Woo-hoo! 

[slowly]
You put one foot in front of the other, and
Soon you are walking
'Cross the floor
You put one foot in front of the other, and
[a tempo]
Soon you are walking out the door 

Put one foot in front of the other
And soon you are walking 'cross the floor
Put one foot in front of the other
And soon...
You'll be walking...
Out the door!

And now for the video ...enjoy!  

Regrouping and the trail of death

Last week was a ROUGH week for me.  I didn't do good with exercise.  I didn't do good with eating.  I didn't do good with anything health related.  I tell you...it was a rough week   I faithfully wrote about it all...that's for sure.    I wrote about my meltdown on the mountain bike trail that occured on Sunday.   I also wrote about my serious contemplation in regards to why I'm even doing this.....and why I continue to write about it and thus sharing my shame.    It was a rough week in regards to my weight loss and healthy lifestyle.

By Friday I was feeling a bit more 'secure' in where I was and what I was doing.  Not quite back in the grove yet and not quite back to making plans and talking about it.  But at least a bit more in control of what I was doing.  Luckily, the weekend came and I had opportunities to think and situations that made me ponder in order to figure out something in terms of a plan. (A loose plan!)

On Friday evening as I was leaving work I received an email from a friend.  She knew about the aforementioned meltdown on the bike trail that occured last weekend.  Her parting words to me before we both logged off our computers was this.  "Get back out on that trail.  You can do it and this weekend you will conquer it.  I believe in you."   Well then......I couldn't back out of the ride now...Julie believed in me!   The rest of Friday was uneventful.  We enjoyed our normal low key evening of relaxation and pizza delivery as we recouped from our hectic work week.

On Saturday morning I hooked up with my friend Shantel for breakfast.  We had a great time talking, laughing, sharing and reminiscing.  I wasn't happy with the selfie that we took about halfway through our time together

My face looks SOOOO fat.  I mentioned it to Shantel and we got to talking about my weight woes.  She works out each morning AND she runs a few miles everyday on her lunch break.  She is a machine.  I lamented about my long 11 hour work days (adding in the commute) and how that doesn't leave much time for exercise.   She readily agreed.   But then I opened my big mouth and mentioned how I had previously contemplated and decided to sacrifice some sleep by waking up early so as to MAKE the time to workout before my normal daily activities began.   I also readily admitted that making a plan to do it and actually DOING it were two different things and I was struggling with the actual follow through of this sacrificial plan.   She looked at me and said "MaryFran, I wake up at 5AM every day and spend about 45 minutes to an hour working out with an exercise DVD".  Well then.....my plan was only 5:30 for a 20-30 minute workout.    I quickly volunteered her to be my accountability partner and to use tough love on me.  So, my plan was Monday morning.....5:30 AM...I'm up and at the very least riding the bike trainer.

On Saturday afternoon I decided to make a graph of my weight loss. I am an old fashioned girl and like things on paper so I can see.   I chose to only put in a monthly weight....and chose the weight closest to the beginning of the month and there are definitely some gaps where I wasn't weighing in (or I just don't have any weights recorded).   Each line represents 5 pounds...so it's not spot on...but it is a true representative of my overall weight loss journey.   It was sobering...but it was also very interesting.  I can identify a major life event with EACH of the big jumps upward in the graph.  I was losing weight...and doing nicely in 2013....and then found out my husband had cheated on me and boom my weight rose. I was losing again and then started the proceedings to the divorce and moved in with my parents...and my mother bakes all the time for some markets that she sells home cooked goods at so desserts readily available ALL.THE.TIME....boom another rise.   I was holding steady and maybe even dropping a bit and then Jason and I both switched jobs which eliminated a lot of our evening walks and we were so tired that the weekends were not as active.  Boom, my weight rose.   It was very interesting to see.

Ok, so what if I made this  graph while sitting on a stool in the kitchen while I watched the candy thermometer in the pan while I made a batch of fudge. (I will be freezing some of it for a quick little treat here and there.)  hey...no judgement on the fudge!  It is only right that I used/tested my new candy thermometer !!  (Amazon Affiliate link!) But regardless of the fudge...the graph really does show my journey and really makes me want to see that big downward curve to the bottom of the graph!!!!   Motivation for sure!!!!!

On Sunday we decided to head back to the trail where last week I had my meltdown   I was filled with lots of fear and trepidation!

  We grabbed the bikes and the first thing we noticed was that my tire was dead flat.   We pumped it up and headed out (the same thing happened last week and I was fine).  A half of an hour later we were at the trailhead and much to our chagrin the tire was partially flat. Again.   Grrr.   We pumped it up and did short forays from the car.  It was probably exactly what I needed....I was tired and my legs were aching....but by not pushing myself to the absolute limit, I was actually able to enjoy the ride!!!    The bike did bite me a bit!!!!  I was climbing a hill...out of the saddle and something happened and I flew off the bike.  Ok not really flew but I did leave the saddle and I did think I was going to go down.    The pedal bite into my leg and I have developed a bruise. 

So now it is 5:47 AM on Monday morning...and where am I might you ask??   I am sitting on my bike...on the bike trainer....spinning those wheels.  I will have 25 minutes on my legs today...before I even shower!    So I’m keeping my plan... you see...on the bike ride yesterday I kept vowing ‘I’m going to fix my issues and make every ride fun...even the long rides...even the hard technical rides.  But I can’t keep doing the same thing and expect different results.  The same thing..which was to be a dig through the week and a weekend warrior with exercise/activity, was NOT working...so to continue on that path was pure insanity.  So this week I’m trying something different! (If only it was light outside, I would run a bit too!)

Change...it’s hard but the efforts will pay off!

Avalanche

Grrrrr. Somehow my Saturday post didn't go live!   So I guess another day where we have two posts!!

How do I want to die???

Do I want to die at the age of 50 when my hover-round that I may have to use at that point because of severe obesity, gets struck my lightening???

Do I want to die at the age of 60, after living in a nursing home for a few years all because of complications from my weight...diabetes, heart disease, burned out knees and hips...a body that can no longer stand the pressure and demands of an obese body???

But maybe....just maybe I can be 70 years old and standing on the summit of a mountain that I just hiked....and planning on hiking a thru-trip of the Appalachian trail.

Maybe...just maybe I can be 80 years old and biking the whole length C&O canal on a tandem bike with Jason!

Maybe at 90 or 100 or even plus some  I will die. We are not immortal.  But Maybe I will be the death that everyone talks about...the 100 year old lady that was out extreme skiing and died in a freak avalanche!!  

There is no guarantee as to how long we live. I think we all know that. But there are choices that we make in our life that can influence the when and how....so my question is this....

How do I want to die??

I don't want to die when my hover-round /lark/wheelchair gets struck my lightening!  I want to go out shaking my fist at the world and living life to the fullest!  

So what does that mean?  That means that right here and right now I have to make changes!!!!   Now is the time to fix the unhealthy habits in my life. Now is the time to create healthy habits that will increase the odds of a healthy long lasting active healthy life!

I have slowly been implementing these changes.

I've been tracking my food.

I've been trying to increase my water intake (and tracking it)

I've challenged myself to 2017 miles in the year 2017 in an attempt to move more.

I'm really trying!

I want to live...and with Jason in my life, all of a sudden I want to live even more! I want to grow old with him and have a fun active life!

So this weekend I made a vow.  This weekend I decided that my quest for my steps wasn't enough. I needed to step it up.  I didn't aim big.  I knew that there were two days that I would be leaving for work at 7AM and two days that I wouldn't be leaving until 9AM.  My goal?  Exercise two times!   That is two outside runs.  Optimistically I would like to get to the gym early on those 7AM days...but I set my goal at 2 days.  I want to have a victory and not yet another failure!

This morning I woke up and laid in bed.  It was dark outside.  I knew I wasn't going out to run yet.  I laid there and relaxed. And then I started to try to reason my way out of running!  The weather was probably bad!   It was dark.  Was that a pain in my side???   

Then I read a post on Facebook where some people were putting their daily goals out there.   And they were aiming for 5 times this week!  Or even more!  Yeah...I felt like a wuss!!!  I posted and declared my goals...and furthermore announced my plan to run!!   Oh yeah..as soon as I did it, I kicked myself!!!

But it motivated me to get up and get dressed!!!

And then I looked at the dollhouse I am building. I worked on the porch and bay window last night...it was taped/clamped.  I so wanted to see it.  So I sat down, dressed for my run to check it out!!

Yup..looked good! 

But then I thought about the bathroom and kitchen...the first two rooms I will tackle when it is completely done.  I wanted to see how the bathroom stuff that I have would look and get an idea of the layouts!!!

I laid paper and drew some possible kitchen cabinets on the floor..

Yup..before I knew it it was 7:45...and I had to leave the house for work at 9! (my coworkers usually like me to be showered when I arrive at work..so I was really running out of time!)

I flew...because I was NOT failing!  I stepped outside and my heart stopped!

Wet!!!  It was  raining!!!   But I kept moving and got 2.2 miles in!!!

It was rough....slow...and just not a good run...but does that surprise me?  No, my previous run was on thanksgiving day!!!  That's a lot of time and I didn't expect it to be easy!  

So this weekend was another fabulous one...we tried to stay moving and active with antique shops and looking through junk!  (And antiques).  We also spent a day at Arlington National Cemetery. We walked...no tour bus for us!!!

We saw monuments....

The changing of the guard at the tomb of the unknown.....

President kennedy's grave....

President Taft's grave.....

Arlington House (General Lee's home before the civil war) .....

More monuments.....

A gorgeous amphitheater where we each took a turn and sat on the marble throne/seat.....

Row after row of graves....

And a beautiful overlook of our nations capital!  I got my steps in that day for sure!!!!

A good weekend!  The weather is supposed to be fabulous next weekend...do I smell a bike ride or a hike????

Bring on the fun!

Ahhh welcome to the weekend!    I'm not going to say much.  I am just excited about the weekend.  You see, for years the weekend was something that came along and I was so excited to watch a movie, relax on the couch and all sorts of things all sedentary in nature.  Somehow my thinking has adjusted and changed in the last few months.   NOW I'm excited about the weekend arriving because I have a run (or two) planned.  I have a walking date with Sherry.  I'm going to get my new bike checked out by my brother and hopefully get out on the road with it.  I also hope to get out the canal on my trek (riding the Trek is not contingent upon getting myself outfitted to ride the Lightspeed).   I've got so much activity that I want to do.  For some reason, it's not exercise when I think about it....it's just FUN stuff.  When did this change in my mind???     Zumba is the same, I know it's activity and exercise but for me it's just a fun part of my life.  I'm finding my groove and learning to love some activities.  I thought that was an impossibility for me!

That said, I don't want to get to comfortable because these feelings and this attitude is so new that it could change and the old MaryFran could emerge at the drop of a hat.   So I'm guarding against any possible reemergence of that old MaryFran.

My eating was in line today.  It was  my scheduled rest day.  My body didn't feel utterly tired and in need of the rest day this week.  I can tell I didn't push myself as hard this week.  That's OK, there is an ebb and flow in life.  Meanwhile, just because my body didn't feel like it needed the break, that doesn't mean that I ignored the rest day.  Nope, I still took it easy.  My body is raring to go now......bring on the FUN!!!  Bike rides, walks, runs and whatever else I can think of to do!!!!

So farewell until Monday....I have some fun to attend to!

Reinvention

A few months back I was reaching the bottom of my rope.  I knew it.  I recognized it and I started to think in my head.  In essence I was working up my plan of attack.  I was getting myself ready to begin.   During this time I remember standing outside of my zumba class and talking to a friend.  I said one thing in that conversation that sticks out in my mind.  "I want to reinvent myself."    I wasn't happy with the life I was living.  I knew that drastic changes had to be made.  I also knew that when I reinvented myself that I wanted to do it in a way that I be svelte and gorgeous!  But equally important, I wanted to be that girl that was active and fit.  I had no clue where to begin.  I had no clue what direction to go in.  I was literally clueless.  All I know is that I had to start.  I geared up after Christmas.  I started making tentative changes in my life.  I moved the living room around to fit my exercise bike into the living room.  You see, I know from previous years that I am more apt to use the exercise bike in the living room. (that and the bike doesn't seem to be used as a clothes rack in the living room. ha ha ha).  I stocked up on good foods.  I started to track my food intake in order to get in the habit and I dusted off the password to this blog.  I made my plans and I set myself up to start.  January first rolled around and I was off.  I still didn't have a clue exactly how I was going to reinvent myself but I did know this.  Sitting back and doing nothing was not going to get me there.  To reinvent myself required action.  It required me to start.

Start I did.   I tracked my food.....I continued with zumba....and slowly things started to come around that excite me greatly.

The first thing that happened was a conversation between my manager and I.  She and I were talking about a customer of ours...he is travelling around the states.  We laugh because his accounts never show any signs of hotels/hostels/campgrounds.  We think he may be literally doing a bohemian trip...seeing the sights and sleeping in his car.  She and I both expressed a longing to explore and do something like that...cheaply see the world.  That was when I remembered the long ago dream that Todd and I have had.  That dream?   We want to do a through trip on the C&O canal.  184 miles.  We have said that we would do it in three days and camp at the hiker biker campgrounds along the canal.  I had sat down a few years earlier and thought about what I would need to buy in order to prepare us.  We already had good bikes.  We would need to make sure that our repair kits and first aid kits were completely stocked of course.  But beyond that we would need a tent, sleeping bags and a trailer or panniers to carry our gear.  We had always said that we would cart some simple food for snacky meals but just stop at certain places to eat out (Hancock, Harpers Ferry, etc...there are places along the canal to stop...every once in a while....at least once a day).   The trailer or panniers is what got me.  EXPENSIVE.  Hmmmm.   BUT in the course of the conversation with my manager, I realized that my brother had just moved to our area and while he grumbled about moving it becasue his kids were too old for it....he had brought out his kid trailer!   Of course I asked him the next day and we now have the use of a trailer and sleeping bags.  He offered their tent (as did my friend Sherry........Hi sherry!!!).  The tent will depend on who's doesn't leak (my nephew told me that theirs may leak) and size...remember we are going to have to cart this with us for 184 miles on a bike.   Soooooooo completely in my right mind I took time off of work for early September.  We have the date for the ride booked.  Now it's just a thing of making sure that we are on our bikes regularly through spring and summer.  WOO HOOO    

The second thing that fell into my lap.  Running.  I've always had it on my list of things to do.  But it was my friend that spurred me into action.  I am gung ho on this running thing.  Right now I am aiming to definitely run in the Keller Williams 5k on March 23rd.   I'm also planning on running the Donut Alley Rally in August.    Sherry has a third one in Frederick that she wants to run along with her husband...so if it works with my schedule, I'll probably hook up with them and run that one.   And of course The Turkey Trot on Thanksgiving day.  Of course I want to do that one again.  

The third thing is not anything really new and it's similar to the first thing.  Todd and I both plan and want to ride Pedal to preserve again.  I have ridden this twice before.   It is absolutely gorgeous. It's through Lancaster Farmland...riding by farms and ground that the organization that this ride is raising money for is actually working to preserve.  It's a really good feeling!  The first time I rode it was in 2009.  I rode it with Donna  my blogger buddy who is now my real life, in person buddy.  (Hi Donna!)  The second year I rode it again with Donna but Todd also joined us. 

 Now the thing I"m pondering...if I can get a decent road bike...(I currently ride on a hybrid/comfort bike)....if I'm already running..and already biking....should I do a duathlon......hmmmmmmmmmm

This is going to be my new life. And honestly....I'm excited! :-)  

A change of thinking and zumba (again!)

I'll start with zumba today since there was some questions.  I stumbled upon was forced to try zumba a few years ago.  My friend Sherry had been telling me about this great workout.  She kept telling me that I just HAD to try it.  I threw up every excuse in the book.  You see, the fear that I talked about a few days ago was rearing it's ugly head.  I was afraid to try an exercise class.  I was afraid that I would look like a water buffalo on crack.  I was afraid of going in as a 'fat girl', I wanted to wait until I was thinner.  I was afraid of the unknown.  I was afraid of it all.   Sherry kept prodding...she was relentless.  She even went as far as to find a class that I could attend, even with my wonky work schedule.  (the zumba site actually has classes listed, it's great...in case you missed that link...here it is again!)  I was pressured and I was freaked out.  Remember, I said she was relentless. One day I caved and grudgingly said "OK then, I'll do it!"  I admit, that I said I'd go only to appease my friend.  I went.  I was scared.  I was nervous.  I tried to stay in the far back corner.  And guess what?   That hour flew by!  I worked up a sweat!   I was even smiling!   It was absolutely fun!  I went back the next week.  I started making friends at the class.  One night I accidentally found myself in the front row and found that zumba is even more fun when you have a birds eye view of the instructor. I fell in love with the class.  :-)  By the way....thank you Sherry!  You rock for getting me over that hump to try something that you KNEW I would love!  And this just goes to prove that sometimes we have to force ourselves to do things that scare us because we may find out that we LOVE it!

Reasons why I'm a huge proponent of zumba.
1.  The hour flies by. It is face paced music with a good beat that helps the time FLY by!
2.  Modifiable.  Zumba is awesome in that it can be modified.  If you are at a lower level of fitness you can tap your toes in time with the music. If you are medium level you can side step. If you are at a high level you can jump it.  A good instructor will give the modifications to the group.  Some days I am full of vigor and just rock my work out at the highest energy level.....but some days I go and I have to dial it back and lower the intensity level.  Zumba allows me to do that.
3.  Zumba is not just dancing.  It combines dance steps with fitness moves.  Those dreaded lunges, squats and jumping jacks (amongst others) get slipped into the songs choreography so that while you know you are doing them, your mind isn't screaming about it.  (yeah, it's a mind game).
4.  Variety.  Zumba has tons of different levels certifications that instructors can get.  There is zumba toning (zumba with toning sticks to help ton muscles), aqua zumba (zumba in a pool), sentao (zumba with a chair.....don't let the chair fool you, it's a KILLER workout), zumba gold (zumba that's even toned down further for people in their golden years), zumbatonics (kids I believe), etc etc etc.
5.  It's a great workout.  It has lots of work to help slim down and shape the body!  And don't we all want to be shapely???

I could wax poetic about zumba, but I wont' continue.  I do have zumba for my Xbox kinect.  I use it and like the workout.  But there is just a vibe and energy in a class that I personally love.    It's not for everyone...but I would encourage everyone to try it just once.  :-)

I have sat back on this journey and learned many things about myself.  The one thing that I've figured out but I just struggle with changing is the mentality of "I can't do that now...I will wait until I'm at my forever weight."  That was one of my thoughts with zumba....I'll do it when I get to a better weight.   You know what I'm talking about...it's statements like.....I'm not going to buy new clothes now, I'm going to wait until I lose the weight. I'm not going to go on that big vacation now, I want to be thin and gorgeous first.  I'm not going to do this or that until I drop the weight.  Well I'm here to say Why the heck not?  Why does weight have to define everything.  We have to love ourselves as we are right now.  The person that we are inside right now.  That is the key ingredient to losing the weight....loving ourselves.  You see, if we don't love ourselves, then we won't value ourselves enough to make the effort that it takes to lose the weight.  It's a vicious cycle.  We don't feel worthy of doing what we want now because we are bigger.  That parlays into our efforts to lose the weight because self worth plays a BIG roll in weight loss. And if our self worth keeps us from losing the weight, then how in the world will we EVER get to the weight loss goal in order for us to do all of the 'when I get to my forever weight' things?  I'm rambling, but I don't know how to say it better.   I'm going to endeavor to not let my excess weight (that is temporarily clinging to my body) hold me back. If I want to go to a nude beach, I'm going to say "to Hell with it....I'm doing it!"  (luckily for me, that's not something I think I will EVER say though...haa haaa haa..but if I did....)

I will leave this post with a bit of a story.....

Once there was a girl named MaryFran.  She had a pair of pants that were HUGE on her.  She got into the bad habit of not unbuttoning and unzipping her pants.  She would just pull them on and off without that hassle.  One day...lets say it was a Friday...probably January 18th, maybe the year 2013. (haa haa haa) she was getting ready to go to work and was in a rush because as typical, she had messed around with housework all morning and found herself crushed for time.  She hopped out of the shower, dried off and quickly grabbed these pants.  She pulled them up and immediately put on her shirt and then was out the door.  About 45 minutes after getting to work, this poor girl put her hands in her pocket and noticed something funny about the pockets.  She pulled and prodded the pockets trying to figure out why there was only room in her pockets for her fingers and not her whole hand.  She was so confused.  She started to look more closely at the pants and that is when she noticed.  Why yes......she had pulled her pants on and had worn them backwards for the first 45 minutes of work, even as she waited on customers!   She quickly righted the wrong of course.  But it did make her laugh so hard that she was crying (and of course she told her co-workers who laughed just as hard).........just like she hopes it makes you laugh.  (yes, this is a VERY true story!)