Vacation: the perfect motivation

I have written about motivation so many times. It’s crazy how many times I’ve probably written about motivation.   I wrote about it recently when I wrote tips for motivation   But it happens because  motivation is fleeting and ever changing.

In the past I have been motivated to lose weight for various reasons. Sometimes it was competition with a friend, once it was even a personal competition with an enemy who I didn’t want to show me up. I have lost weight to get into goal clothing. And I lost weight trying to make my ex husband love me.  I have probably been motivated by a gazillion and one different things. And that’s OK, because it worked.  

I have a few current motivations running through my mind. There are one or two things that I am not quite ready to share  here yet. But let me tell you, they are good reasons!

But a real big motivation?

We have vacation in one week!  We are planning and hoping for a very active vacation. I know that my fitness level will hold us back a little bit. I also know that my lack of fitness will mean that what I do, will cause me to ache. I am OK with that. However, we are starting to plan our vacation for next year. It’s going to be a big one.  I am not OK with passing on some opportunities that may crop up during that vacation due to my lack of fitness. Nor am I OK with pushing myself through and then aching  miserably for the rest  of the vacation. I WILL have my fitness fixed before then. How’s that for motivation?

Empowerment : Tips to find the strength to lose weight

How do we keep our heads in the game of weight loss?  Some people call motivation, some call it inspiration, desire, focus, affirmation, reminders or any number of things.  . I’m not sure I like any of those words. So we’re going to just say how do we keep our heads in the game during this long journey called weight loss.

It is really easy (easier) to keep your head in the game when you’re seeing losses on the scale. We are a very results oriented generation.  But what happens when the results are just not showing up quickly or at all? How do we stay focused on this journey during those tough moments.

There are so many things that can empower us to find the strength to push forward toward our goals. I personally have used a multitude of different ways over the years. By no means are my ways and tricks the only way. My methods may not work for someone else in fact,  they may not work for me now but they did at one time, and they may work again in the future. That said, this list is it in no way comprehensive.

1. Goal clothing.  I have personally used this methid in the past. I found a dress that had a vintage flair to it… I love 50s style dresses. I bought it, even though it did not fit. I hung that dress on my bedroom door so that every day I would see the dress and remember what I was working toward. I have heard lots of other people doing this, and it can be quite beneficial.
2. Accountability partners. Sometimes, knowing that someone else is waiting for your report is enough to keep our head in the game. It is easier to slip up and fall off the bandwagon when you know that no one is going to know about it or care about. And over the years I have use this quite a bit with various people. (Thank you Sherry, Julie, Donna and some others.). 
3. Sometimes just knowing that people are watching is enough to empower us enough to keep us on track! Tell people that you are on a mission to lose weight.  Knowing that people are watching me makes me ignore the snack table at work!
4. Weight loss meetings. I know there are different meetings out there. I have a friend that goes to a meeting at her church. They have motivational talks, a weigh in  and sometimes they exercise together. Her program is neat because if they gain they put money into a piggy bank… The money goes to missions project so it is a good cause. I personally went to Weight Watchers for quite a while. The meetings were instrumental in my first successful weight loss and the lessons I learned helped shape me and teach me so that I’m prepared for my current weight loss journey.  But the best part of Weight Watchers for me was the meetings.   There are a few different aspects of a weight-loss meeting that can come into play. The first is the fact that it offers accountability. Knowing that I was going  going each week kept me on track. A weight-loss meeting can also give us new ideas, encouragement andthe spark   needed to keep fighting for a healthier life.
5. Success stories. When I am working, focused and losing weight and happen to stumble upon a success story, I have always gobbled up the words.  It was an excellent reminder to me that weight loss is possible!  And yes, I said to myself each time, “if they can do it...so can I!” 
6. Pictures. Sometimes we can’t see our progress. Sometimes we can’t see ourselves what we really are. There have been a couple times in my life where I have had to see a picture of myself before I knew that I had to get myself on track! In Lori’s success story she talked about a picture that showed her the unhappy overweight girl. A picture that sparked her and got her  head into the game. On the opposite end of the spectrum though sometimes we can’t see our success either and when we see a picture it finally sinks in and empowers us. At the peak of my weight loss (the first go-round), I looked in the mirror and I still saw the fat Maryfran. And I had people close to me tell me that I was unrecognizable… My own dad saw me sitting on his porch while he and my mom drove up and he asked my mom who that was on his porch. But I still didn’t get it. There was one picture that cemented it for me and really helped me stay focused. My then husband one day was flipping through pictures on his computer and I happened to look over and see a picture of a woman posing for him. Immediately I got angry. Who in the world what is this Skinnywoman? (A natural reaction for someone that is in a failing marriage.). He started laughing immediately. The picture was me. 
7. Reward. Over the years I also set up reports for myself. I look forward to getting those rewards. Sometimes it was small things… A charm for my weight-loss bracelet, a new pair of shoes or something that. I wanted. For a bigger milestone losses I chose bigger. I bought a new camera for one of my large milestone weigh ins. And knowing that you will get something you want as a reward can be motivating.
8. Complements.  These are amazing when you get them and  go so far toward helping us feel empowered to push forward. I’ve had a few experiences that stick out in my mind...compliments that really meant a lot. You really don’t have much control over this one. But there is nothing like a complement on your success that motivates one to stay the course better. And it takes a while for people to notice your effort… But the compliments will help you keep up the effort. Just one word of caution, people are afraid to compliment so don’t be upset if you don’t hear the compliments!  I had people that were afraid to comment and complement me. One year for July 4 I saw friends of my parents for the first time in a year or so and they didn’t stay on the word even though I had lost about 100 pounds at that point.  The next day my mom called me and gave me the compliment over the phone. Their friends had called them to make sure that I wasn’t sick because I had lost so much weight when they found out that it was just hard work and pier effort they were profuse in there complement to my mother. There are also some people that won’t make comments simply because weight is such a taboo subject in our society. But you will get compliments, saver and treasure them.

As I said earlier, this list is in no way comprehensive.  There are so many ways and tricks to stay focused during this weight loss journey.   It is all dependent upon ones personality.  

Internal Dialogue

I am so strong in the morning!   I make all sorts of vows.  Stuff like , I will ride the bike (trainer) for  “6” hours when I get home.  I will never eat cake again.   I am going to do my push ups, and only eat fruits and veggies for the rest of my life!

Ok, maybe not that strong.....but this week I DID vow to ride the bike trainer 10-15 minutes.  

I also made a plan for when I could eat cake. 

I vow to run after work.

But, I am stronger in the mornings.   I wake up and I’m so determined and convinced I can ‘do it’.  I make my vows.  I make my plans!   But something happens throughout the work day.  And it’s an ugly something! 

Last night I saw a group of kids running and ‘training’ on the loop that I run here at our new place.   (girls on the run I believe).  I have loved running amongst the girls in races.  So last night I had a brief moment of thinking it would be cool to run in our place, throw on my running clothes and head out.  It was a brief moment!

I got inside after work, Jason wasn’t home yet.  PERFECT time for a ride on that bike trainer!   But no, I ate some cheetohs instead.  

Yesterday was rainy… So I didn’t get all of my walks in during my break. I did not make my step count for the day. According to my newly laid rules, no steps equal no cake/sweet treat. So when my dinner was over I sat there for a while because I didn’t earn my cake but then I started talking to myself in my head. And this is how the conversation went. You really didn’t have control over the rain and the ability to walk on your break! You did walk in the dreary parking garage during your first break and your lunch break, should that be rewarded? I think it should! I at least didn’t throw my hands up in the air and give up! Yes, my calories are in line so at least one of my criteria has been met totally and I tried for the other one… I do believe I deserve a piece of cake. Oh but I’m not supposed to have one because  I didn’t make the goal… So what about a Half piece of cake? That seems reasonable...one criteria met half of a piece....both criteria met a full piece! Splendid idea!

I ate the blasted cake… A small piece… But I ate it!
So now it’s the morning… And I’m vowing no cake tonight if both criteria are not met!   Oh and I am going to ride tonight… Famous last words right?

The only good news… Even without the bike, a run, and the extra steps… By weight dropped on the scales this morning! In fairness it could be just from my steps and activity from the weekend and Monday.

I know for me exercising in the morning is the easiest. I’ve known this for a long time. It is just not working with my schedule. And I am already exhausted when I get home, and I’m not going to bed all that late… So I hesitate to wake up any earlier. But maybe I have think about what’s more important in my life?

So what is the most important thing in my life? Number one for sure, It’s Jason. Before I met him I didn’t worry about how I was going to age. But now that he’s in my life all of a sudden I’m concerned about aging gracefully… I’m not talking about looks although that would be nice also. I’m talking about not needing a walker or a cane or even a wheelchair as I get older.  I’m talking about being able to be on a bike when I’m 60 or 70… To be able to hike a mountain when I’m 80… To go to an amusement park and enjoy the ride at age 90. And who knows maybe skiing at 100. There are no certainties in life. I could live the most healthy life style and still die young. But healthy lifestyle can definitely have a positive effect on how I live out my older years.  And I want every second of time I can get with Jason!   And I want those moments to be active and energetic!

I have plenty of motivation.. I just need to garner that motivation in the evening. I guess I should sit back and say at least I didn’t just eat the cake without thinking last night, there was a huge internal dialogue. Can I take that is progress?

The Good, the Bad and the Ugly

When I started casting around for a title for this post the only thing that seemed to fit was The good, the bad and the ugly.   I am horrible with titles, I know it!  If it wouldn't have made it too long I would have titled it "The good, the bad, the ugly, the summary, the plan".  And that is the order that his blog will be written in....

The Good

It's Monday, what else would the good be other than a fabulous weekend!  I worked on Saturday morning so we got a later start.  Saturday was low key for us...we hit up some stores in the afternoon and then relaxed in the evening.

Sunday we explored a big, old graveyard....on bikes.   We did not ride on the graves, when something caught our eye we would hop off and walk to investigate!!!

 

We stopped at an outdoor flea market and an indoor flea market.  On the way to the next stop an overhanging tree bumped into our bikes which were on the top of the car.   We stopped to check the bikes.  Jason got to check out an VW bus....can you see the lust  in his eyes??  He would buy one in a heartbeat if he found one and had the money!

 

Then it was on to the Hilltop.  The Hilltop Hotel is an old motel that was once probably quite grand.  It sat atop a hill with a fabulous view.....

 

The main building of the hotel has disintegrated into a terrible state of disrepair....I'm not sure it is salvageable at this point.   We are drawn to it....and stop to gawk look whenever we are in the area.   

 

 

Don't let these pictures fool you....the rest is literally crumbling.

I didn't take any pictures of the decay.  Today I couldn't find any pictures on the internet showing the current level of decay. So here is an older picture that gives an idea.

 

The really bad area has extended leftward and the whole side is exposed, you can see straight into rooms and the floors on that open section are now sagging quite a bit.   

From there we headed to the canal where we rode our bikes. We got off once or twice and looked for mushrooms.

 

On the way home we even had time to stop for a geocache!

 

It was another fabulous weekend!  Full of relaxation and yes, even though we were feeling lazy we were still pretty active!!!

The Bad

Yesterday somehow the subject of snoring came up between Jason and I.  I laughed and said 'I'm sure I snore'.  He laughed and agreed and then dropped a bomb on me. He asked if I had ever done a sleep study test.  I just looked at him in shock and said no.   Apparently the first time or two that he heard me he absolutely panicked.  He said that at times it sounds like I am gasping for air and it sounds just like his father did before he started using a sleep machine for sleep apenea!    To say I was blown away is an understatement.  He asked if my ex ever mentioned it.  'Uhhh no, well he did tell me that I snored but never that it sounded scary.....but then is that shocking my ex only cared about himself and wasn't at all concerned about my well being!'     Jason says it is a consistent problem and the worst right after I fall asleep.  He also says he will try to record it so that I can hear what it sounds like.  I know this doesn't mean I have a problem...and I'm not going to panic or say I have any issues. This is just an observation from a non medical person.  However it is someone that cares and someone that wants me to live a long time!  So not panicked but I am going to say that I'm concerned!  

The Ugly

And bear with me...this sounds whiny...but has to be said to get to the point I'm trying to make!!!

A few years ago (10 years or more) I left a job that paid pretty decently and took a much lower paying job.  I had hopes that it would help my failing marriage.  I did it to get away from working second shift and to be closer to home.  It worked for us in that  my paycheck was not our  only income and the insurance was pretty decent. ($150 deductible and then a 90/20 plan).     In the ensuing years things  changed.   The insurance deductible is now $3000.  And  while I always had good reviews and was given more responsibilities the pay never increased.  "No raises this year" , "there is a hiring freeze so even though we are moving you up to a higher level position you won't get the pay increase" and then "someone left and we aren't filling the position so we are divvying up the work....so we are adding this responsibility to you".  So my pay stayed low....abysmally low!   When my marriage ended I had to move in with my parents because, well it's not exactly easy/possible to survive on a job that is only a tick above minimum wage.   Yes, I look for work and apply.  Yes I have a college degree.  No, teaching is a closed door for me.  This isn't the post for why...but I have written about it on this blog.....  

So all of that to say that I work a full time job where extra money is something that is scraped from the leftover pennies.   The two major car repair bills in December and January crippled me financially.  Buying a pair of tennis shoes is a hardship....buying bras is a hardship (seriously good bras are so expensive...why??? I lucked out and found three on a sale rack a few months ago....not exactly what I wanted but they were my size and with a good percentage  off and at $10 a piece I took them!!  But I so desperately needed bras that those three bras get a lot of use and I need more!).  

To say that finances stress me out is an understatement.   I wake up in a panic thinking about my car that has over 200k miles on it. I worry a LOT about it!

So with money being tight....it's no shock to realize that the health insurance with that super high deductible is a health insurance that I can't afford to use.  

I am however grateful to have a job....even though I am dissatisfied with the pay, the insurance and a multitude of other things pertaining to this job.

And that is the ugly.....because even if I wanted to have this snoring/gasping for air thing checked.  I can't afford it!!!

The Summary

I may or may not have a problem.  I'm not going to worry myself sick over that also.   I can't.  It would only be counter productive.

I started to think about blogs I've followed, stories I've read and situations I've heard of.  Weight can very well affect sleep in a negative way.  

Heck maybe it is the spring pollen and Jason was just tired when he said it happens consistently!

A visit to the doctor is not going to happen at the moment!

Weight loss seems to be my option for attacking this possible issue. 

Wow, did I just get a huge motivator thrown into my lap???  Wasn't I just saying the other week that I was searching for something to continually motivate me?   I was looking for an event like a concert or a trip....

The Plan

The plan is this and its simple.   Lose weight!!!

I know how to do it.   Calories ingested versus calories spent.  Simple in theory.

Now I just need to do it!!!!!

Wednesday weigh in day

Yes, today is my official weigh in day!  It was actually a pleasant weigh in day!  I am down 2.2 pounds.   It puts me firmly back where I was  a week or two ago before my weight popped!!!  (WHEW!)  I was nervous to step on the scales though!  Last night I started eating and just ate WAAAAAY too much food.....I lucked out, and I know it. 

Yesterday I didn't get my extra walk in.....the weather was stormy!  So that was a booo!   But luckily I had gotten my run in early in the day when it was just hot and muggy!   

This is the outside at about 1PM

A few months ago when i was with my Friend in South Carolina for the Cooper River Bridge Run, I had an epiphany and then when I shared that with my friend, she and I set some goals for ourselves.  

My goals were as follows....

My Goals

1.  Beat personal record for 10K which is 1:19  (all running...no walk breaks   this is )  This pace is very close to my PR for a 5K....so it would be nice to go below that pace!   (The PR pace is 12:23 for the 5k and 12:45 for the 10K)
2.  Weight at or  below 180 pounds (51.6 pounds)
3.  Exercise consistently 3x's a week
4.  Track food each day
5.  Stay accountable all year long...checking in on Wednesdays
6.  get totally off diet sodas (again)
7.  take a picture of progress every 10 pounds
8.  large reward will be something fun (extra day, neat site seeing venture, something) at Charleston next year when we smash the 2017 Cooper River Bridge Run

I have consistently managed all of these things through different apps and programs.  But I decided to keep track of everything in one spot......so I went old fashioned.  

I still use the different programs that work for me (Mapmyfitness, myfitnesspal, etc).   But I am compiling everything into one notebook and it's working for me!   

The numbers beside the days of the week are the calorie count, the first number being the amount of calories I ate and the second number being the net calories once my exercise calories are added in.

This is working for me right now.......Next week it may be something different!   That is one thing I have learned on this journey......we are all different and what works for one person will not work for another person.  Furthermore, what works for me today may not work for me next week because of the natural fluctuations in life!   This journey requires us to roll with the punches!   I'm rolling and I'm going to ponder some more of that major epiphany that I had on that trip!   I lost track of that epiphany.......I may have to spend some time today really revisiting those thoughts and some of my reasons for this journey! (No, not at all even thinking about giving up.....just gathering my motivation up around me!)

Weekly weigh in

Wow....Lets just say that this week has been NUTS.

Wednesday I made it to work.....but I have to be honest and say that I probably SHOULD have stayed home.  It was a ROUGH day to get through.  My head was HEAVY and in fairness, thank heavens it was a SLOW day because I rested my head quite a bit. 

I DID weigh myself though in the morning.   Are you ready?     I weighed in yesterday at 225.8.   That is a 6 pound loss!   Go me!

I'm cautious about celebrating.  I have been sick.  Not puking sick though...and I have eaten.  With the exception of one day (Tuesday) I have actually eaten right at my caloric goals.  I've been spot on...accidentally it almost seems.  I ate what I wanted... and put my food into my tracker each evening and surprisingly, my food intake has remained right at my goal.  GO ME!!!

So 6 pounds lost!   Thank you Jason....hiking 3-4 miles up a mountain and then 3-4 miles back down a mountain apparently did the trick.  And the difference this week?  I didn't come home and screw it all up by eating like a starving pig!

Jason has told me that if we can hike religiously on the weekends that the weight will drop.   I think he is right! 

Meanwhile....I have less than one month before the Cooper River Bridge Run.  That is a 10K on April 2.   I had been starting to run again.  But then missed last week due to those massive blisters.   This week I can barely walk, let alone run.   I'm starting to get nervous!!!!

Oh heavens....if I can hike AND run 2-3 times a week imagine how healthy I will be!!!!!

We talked quite a long time this past weekend about hiking and fitness and eating healthy.   We are both in our forties. He talks about being out of shape.  I'm DEFINITELY out of shape and need some fine tuning (aka to lose weight).    The best motivator?  Our age.   I don't want to be bedridden at age 60 or 70  or even 80.  I want to be the 70 year old that is running marathons, teaching zumba classes (like the amazing zumba instructor Anita that I have talked about so many times), competing in triathlons and thru hiking the Appalachian trail.  Not that I WILL do any of those things.  But I want to have the OPTION to do them.  I want to be fit enough to enjoy my life to the bitter end.    Jason talks about running into a trail runner a while back on a hike.  He stopped to chat with this man....who was 70 years old and running a mountain trail....UPHILL.    Jason said "I hope I'm like you when I'm your age'  and the guys comment was 'Start now and you will be"    

Now is the time!   

(And just for the record...the scales dropped again this morning!!!)

Top of the list!

II keep telling myself that I've got to do this. I've got to get myself on track and finish what I started.  I am still working on finishing projects around my house.  I started this 'finish up unfinished projects back at the end of 2012.  I have done quite well and have finished quite a few projects.

  I've finished quilts. 

 I've finished cross stitch projects. 

 I've been doing well.   But I have started to falter on the MF project.  You see, I'm an unfinished project.  My weight loss is NOT finished. I need to finish this just as much as I need to finish all these craft projects (and yes, I have a few brand new projects lined up for as soon as I deem myself caught up...but I WILL NOT put a stitch, or lift a pair of scissors or buy anything new until I'm caught up!)

So I have been thinking deeply about finishing my projects....namely the project of myself.   I've vowed to do it.  Finish and then strut my stuff to be a hot chickie pie!

Today I ws sitting at work and a message came through on facebook from my zumba instructor. He message read something like this.  "Hello.  I know that you've lost quite a bit of weight and you have utilized zumba as a means to help you in this quest.  I have been contacted by the Herald Mail (our local newspaper) to try to find someone to write an article about for the lifestyle section of the paper."   I was at work and somewhat bored, so without thinking I responded to Anita and shortly thereafter was corresponding via email with the reporter that was writing the article.  Before I knew it, my 'interview' was completed via email.   I then received the news that a photographer would be contacting me to have my picture taken for the article.  Uhhhhhh  this is really real.  

I don't mind sharing my story.  I will say it like it is.  I was fat.  I was thin.  I regained my weight and now I'm struggling to be 'thin again'.  I don't mind sharing.  What gets me is that the whole world (or at least everyone that reads the local paper) will know where I'm at.  They will know that I'm still trying and that means that I'll be in the spotlight.  Uhhhhhhhhhh  that means I can't sit on my arse anymore this 'weight loss project' has now sky rocketed to the top of the list of my priorities!  BIG TIME move to the top of the list!   Failing in privacy (or at least the relative privacy of my blog and close friends) is one thing.....failing with the world watching is unthinkable!!!!

Take responsibility

A few months back I wrote about taking responsibility for my weight loss. It wasn't weight watchers or any other system that made me lose weight.  It was me myself and I that lost the weight.  I am not knocking weight watchers or any other system.  They are great.  They provide the tools and support.  They are wonderful.  The problem comes into play when these weight loss systems become the end all be all to us.  I know that I did this in the past and while I was highly successful with the program that I chose (WW), I didn't learn valuable lessons.   I didn't learn that it was ME that did it.

This was brought up in my mind the other day.  I was writing a comment on a weight loss forum that I am part of.  Basically I was saying that by 6 that one night I wasn't sure that I was going to get my fruits and veggies in for the day.  It was a crap shot for me that day.  (It was Saturday....and Saturday was...well.....I'll get there later).   Someone posted back on there.....(and let me preface this by saying that this person was in no way being mean...and I am in no way trying to knock on them for their comment....it just sparked thought in my head)...they posted  "I'm on Weight Watchers, so I KNOW that I will get my 5 fruits and veggies a day".   Ok, that's fine....but there is that end all be all mentality that is so destructive in a long term kind of way.  Weight watchers is not the salvation.   Motivation is the salvation.  NO, you dont' know that you will get your fruits and veggies in.  Life throws curveballs.  Things happen.  Just being on the end all be all weight loss program does not mean automatic success.  Success comes from inside oneself!  The comment that would have made me happier to see....even with the weight watchers plug would have been.  "I'm super motivated while following weight watchers and I am motivated to get my recommended fruit and veggies in...because I CAN DO IT!"


Saturday.  I woke up. I woke up emotional.   I consciously made the decision while I laid in bed (I may or may not have been crying at that point) that I didn't give a flip about vegetables...if I got them in, so be it if I didn't.....big whop.  A few minutes later I also decided that I was going to screw the water consumption.  I was drinking diet soda all day.  So HA.   I was well on my way to having a 'blow it off day'.  No veggies (only the condiments on my sub) through breakfast and lunch.  Not a drop of water either.  Todd and I spent the afternoon outside working in the garden.  I was sucking down diet soda and a funny thing happened....my stomach was rebelling.  It was flipping and flopping and I felt MISERABLE.  I didn't think anything of it...but when my diet soda was gone, I wasn't thinking and the NEW habit that I've formed kicked in and I just filled my water mug and took that outside.  I started pounding the water and low and behold......I felt 100% better.  My body overruled my I dont' care attitude.   As for the veggies....uhhhh lets see refried beans at the mexican restaurant.......some lettuce and onions on my turkey sub........and can I count raspberry ice cream (soft serve) as a fruit??????  So I never recouped that decision.   However, Sunday I was back on track!  :-)

Never say never

This morning I woke up and did my typical morning routine.  I laid in bed and checked my mail.  Hey, I like my lazy morning wake-ups!   My inbox contained an email that immediately caught my interest.  It was from "Friend Extraordinaire"  (I'm naming her that because I've never really asked her permission to use her name and stories in my blog....)  I immediately wrote a long arse response to her (on my iphone too boot, which tells you how important it was to me, long responses are usually written on a computer).  The email exchange went like this.....(if you don't want to be bored with reading the email exchange, just skip the italicized words.......I won't cry too hard about you skipping my well thought out response....but promise you that it the big news is at the end!

To MaryFran 
......I'm bringing my running clothes but not hopeful..
I'm really not feeling ready for this run., My body doesn't seem to be getting used to the running. What is wrong with me. I'm pity partying tonight. I know I'm working hard, I want to see major results. Help!
                                             from friend extraordinaire

That email obviously demanded an immediate response.  So respond I did.....I poured my heart and feelings into the email....

To Friend Extraordinaire,

I hear you....I'm still struggling with this congestion...and the war is going on in my mind....run or not run. I know that a big part of my indecision is not the congestion/cold/sinus issues. A big part is fear because I know that today is a huge run...as you said, a rite of passage. I don't think our bodies are going to feel 'used to' running yet. We are continually pushing ourselves ...this program keeps us pressing forward.

My thought is this...when we first started we struggled with that 1.5 minute run. I remember that first time we ran together and we hit our first 3 minute run....we gasped and moaned and lamented about it ever being over....yet just a few short weeks we have accomplished 8 minute long runs. We have followed the program....and it hasn't let us down yet had it???! So lets have faith that it won't let us down today either!!

One more thought on our bodies getting used to running....we've only been at this five weeks....right now our bodies are simply trying to adjust to actually jogging....as the muscles and stamina builds we will gradually grow more comfortable.  

That all said, running may not be for you, me or us. I AM however going to see this c25k program to completion. I've started it three times before. Three times I quit. I quit when it got rough...when my body ached...when the weather got icky...etc. I need to finish it , get to that point that I really can run....just pop some headphones on and run without waiting for a walk/run cue and THEN decide about running as a hobby/form of exercise.

Pity parties allowed on occasion!!! Just don't let your pity party derail you. Major results ARE coming down our lane. We can't see them yet...but they will soon be knocking on our doorstep....we are doing everything right...there is no reason why major results will not come a knocking!!! Well there is ONE reason....and that's if we give up!

You've got this girl!! I'm attempting my run at roughly 8AM...ill let you know how it goes. I will be crossing my fingers and praying that you smash your run...and that no matter what happens on either of our runs, that we both accept that we are doing it (and that we did a hell of a lot more than we ever could have dreamed of back in January) and congratulate ourselves for our effort!!
                                              MaryFran

Yeah, I think that was an inspired email myself!  So I wrote the email, laid around for a few more minutes and then got out of bed.  And it hit me....I felt like I had been hit with a ton of bricks.  This sinus issue....really was probably now a full fledged cold.  The constant war in my head started....but then I realized that it was all excuses.  You can exercise with a cold.  I have in the past.  It's not a deal breaker.  What was the deal breaker was the fact that I wasn't sure I could do it. I mean holy heck, I was scheduled to run for 20 minutes straight! I battled with these thoughts RIGHT AFTER I wrote that email.  I felt two faced.  What a hypocrite!   Sooo, I threw on my exercise clothes....shoved a wad of tissues into the pocket of my outer layer and headed out.

~~ The warm up walk was fine....a little cold around my neck as today I didn't wear a hooded sweatshirt ...that hood really helps keep the draft out of your shirt!

Mid run

~ The little voice in my head (AKA known as the C25K app on my phone) told me to run and I started.  The first five minutes were hellish.  My thigh muscles were screaming in freakish agony as I propelled myself forward.
~  Round about 5 minutes I was in my groove and felt pretty good.  My legs stopped hurting and I was rockin' in (as much as I can in my ungraceful run...)

~I made a mistake and looked at the timer at 10 minutes and I was filled with utter self doubt.  Seriously?  I had to run for 10 more minutes!  I couldn't do that.  I'm sick as a dog, hacking up a lung (ok, it's actually still the sinus gunk that my cough is trying to get out of my body and not from my lungs), my nose is running like a sieve.....)and I'm out here in the cold weather RUNNING?   What am I thinking?   I wanted to walk.  I soooo wanted to walk.  But I didn't.  I kept going.
~ Round about minute 15, I started to believe that I was really going to do it.
~ Right around minute 18 1/2 I started to cry.  No, not in pain and misery.....but because I thought it wasn't possible.  I can't remember EVER in my life running for 20 minutes straight.  Seriously...ME?????  RUNNING????

I DID IT!  Not impressed yet???  I did it while I am sick!!!!   I set my mind to it and I did it.   Yes, I know not to push it too much while sick.  I'm not foolhardy!  They actually say exercise with a cold isn't a no no so I'm good!

update......I just got an update....my friend extraordinare has also completed her dreaded week 5 day three 20 minute run today!!!!!   GO SHERRY!!!!

NEVER GIVE UP!

If this doesn't make you believe that you can do it...I don't know what else will!

Sparkle

Motivation seems to be a missing element in this journey.  Right now for me it's totally missing.  I get totally disgusted with myself.  I cringe at where I'm at.  I see something that inspires me.  I gather up my desires.  It is all good. I'm gung ho to roll with this.  I start.  I hold it together for a few days, maybe even a week or two.  And then I totally fall apart.  I spiral into a woman that spins wildly out of control.  There isn't one set trigger that causes me to plumment from my healthy choices.  Sometimes it's a weekend off/away.  Sometimes it's just life that keeps me eating crazily.  Sometimes it's my self worth and the fact that food is my friend...my go to when I'm feeling down.  It's like I'm being bombarded on all sides.  Voices are screaming at me to "eat eat eat"  and I cave.  The cake tasted good.  The ice cream tasted good.  Even if something didn't taste good I still chowed it down like a starving child.  It sickens me to think about what I'm doing to myself.  It sickens me to see my lack of motivation.  I lack the motivation to get up off the couch and start running.  I lack the motivation to pull my bike out and ride it.  I lack motivation.  Without this motivation I spin in circles.

I want to end this mad plummet.  I want to be thin and happy.  Just this week I've stumbled across a few blogs and posts and whatnot of people that have reached goal or are at least at a place where they are happy with their weight.  They are trained to run marathons.  They are competing in Triathlons.  They are absolutely awe inspiring because they went from overweight couch potato and have transformed themselves into women that are gorgeous.   Their bodies have responded so well to their activities...they are svelte and thin (yeah, I know they still have their body issues and some parts of their bodies may never be perfect...but seriously!).  They are active and put their exercise first.  And most importantly, when you see pictures of them......you can see the inner peace and happiness emmanating from their eyes.  It's glaringly obvious.  I chose those two to link.  However, there are more out there.  I see a spark of life that is there.  I had that spark when I lost my weight.  I've lost that spark again as I've regained.  I'm not happy......I WANT that sparkle back!!!!!!

My motivator this week is that sparkle!!!!!!!

Focus

My focus is there.  I spent the weekend reading some great blogs.  I read successes and I read failures followed by success.  I knew what I need to do and reading other people's experiences encouraged me to believe that once again I could do this. It made me remember that I HAVE done this and just need to do it again.  It also probably helped that for breakfast I had some leftover pizza and a piece of leftover raspberry cobbler.  I felt miserable, bloated and stuffed afterward.  I vowed to eat a banana...and something light for lunch.  But 2PM rolled around and I found myself eating.....you guessed it more leftover pizza and another piece of raspberry cobbler.  So then I was miserable all afternoon.  Todd came home and we had dinner at 8:30.  I made chili...with beef.  So I wasn't tempted to eat any chili (no beef for me please.....in fact the smell of the cooking meat was icky).  I did have a piece of my homemade cornbread.  I also made myself a sandwich with the last of the egg salad that I had made the day previously.  I ate half the sandwich and while I wanted to eat it all (it was yummy)....I threw it away and stopped.  Regardless, the bloated overstuffed feeling was still prevalent from my breakfast and lunch.  Lesson learned.  My body was SCREAMING at me and I didn't listen at first.....but I did finally get the message.

So today I'm focused. My food from breakfast has been entered into myfitnesspal.com. (yes, I am a weight watchers fan...and love the program, but money is really tight right now and I can't afford the meetings......I am a lifetime member, so when i get back to my goal weight, I'll be returning to the meetings to help keep me focused)  The food that has gone into my lunch box for consumption here at work has been entered into myfitnesspal.  I have a nice amount of calories left for dinner.  I have my clothes packed for my zumba class that I go to every Monday. (or that I try to go to every Monday).  I'm a little nervous about it....not sure if my left knee can stand it...but I'm gonna try it.

This morning I had Todd look at my knee.  I had him see if he could feel a knot or anything in the muscle that runs from my calf, over the back of my knee (out back edge) and up into my thigh.  The pain when I move is localized in the knee region.  But when he was pressing on the muscle, it hurt when he touched the muscle up my thigh too.  Crazy.  Not sure what is up with this.  GRRRRR  (ohhh and I took the last week and a half off....no exercise....if anything, the pain got worse.)