Still at It

 ​I’m still at it in terms of my exercise.  However, I may have  been lulled into a false sense of security!  

I used to run and loved it.  Well, of course I had days where I didn’t love it.  But I did love how it made me feel.  Refreshed, clear minded, powerful and successful!  I have missed it and decided it was time to restart!  I knew better than to think that I could jump in and just run. I knew that I had to start with some semblance of a training plan.  I have used the couch to 5k thing in the past and if you trust the training it really does work.  So I found a version of that and I started and that first run went great!  I could have done double the amount they wanted.  I came home and cleaned the house with an energy that was unheard of.  I wrote about how easy it was!   It was so easy that I was chomping at the big to go on my  next run!  (Which was pretty much a repeat of the first run in terms of run/walk minutes and length)   However, run two was not quite as easy. My legs felt it a bit!  I didn’t let it stop me though.  I completed run 2….and I headed out two days later and completed run 3!

Why yes, I was wearing the same clothes that I wore in run one!  But I promise you, they had been watched! Tomorrow is run 4.   I will go out and do it…pending the weather, which is iffy.  And if I don’t do it tomorrow I’ll still be inside working out during that scheduled  time and run 4 will happen at the first available time!

Today was honestly the first time I have tracked in quite a few weeks.  I’ve just been eating somewhat intuitively.  I’m cognizant, but just haven’t kept track of calories.   Surprisingly, in the last week or two I have seen my weight start to drop.

Which brings me to my final thought for the day.  I have always been a huge fan of weighing myself everyday.  In the last month or so I have not weighed daily.   It’s been a bit liberating.  I’m not sure how long the random weigh ins will last.  I fully expect to at some point go back to daily weigh ins, but for now it’s working for me.

Why quit?

I'm a quitter.  Yes, that's me, or rather it was the old me.  It has taken me years 40 to be exact to 'get it'.  It has taken me 40 years to realize that you don't quit when  it gets tough.  You don't quit when you get bored.  You don't quit when you don't like it.  You push through and FINISH.   It started with me working to finish some of my unfinished cross stitch projects.  (I've made headway...out of the ten unfinished projects that I had last fall, I now only have 3...and that will go down to 2 in the next day or so!).  It carried through to the C25K program.  I was DETERMINED to finish it and I did!  I'm tired of being a quitter.  I am going to be the finisher from now on!

My favorite quote from The Biggest loser was a few years ago when one of the contestants realized that they were not going to win a difficult challenge so they just walked off and didn't finish it.  When the reckoning with the trainers came about the results of the challenge Bob looked at the contestant and said "What's the use of starting if you are just going to quit?"   How true!!!  

So the previous two weeks of my weigh ins I posted WONDERFUL numbers    I lost 2.9  pounds one week and the following week I lost 3.1 pounds.  Yes, 6 pounds in two weeks!   I worked my tail end off this week and my eating was spot on.  This week I posted a 1 pound loss.  I'm OK with that.  7 pounds in 3 week is AWESOME! 

The other day I officially registered for Pedal to Preserve in Lancaster, County on June 1!   The first time I did this ride I weighed about 210 pounds (give or take).  I'm 225.6.  I don't think I can get back to that 210 in time for the ride this year (how cool would that be) , but I am to be as close as I possibly can be!!  (OK, I'll be happy with being in in my 'teens' so anywhere 219 or below! 

I am realizing that my blog is being overrun with running information. ....and so utterly repetitive! Oh well....it's my blog so read on.......!!

Saturday was gorgeous!  Absolutely gorgeous.  My husband was judging a battle of the bands at a local campground park.  We had passes in and and heard that they had some great hiking trails, so the plan was to go hiking after the end of the battle of the bands.  However, that didn't materialize (Todd hadn't eaten lunch and was hungry so we went home).  I didn't let that stop me from being active.  He went out to mow and I went to the C&;O Canal and ran.  I started the run and almost immediately I felt heavy and just well slow.  I wasn't quitting.  The run quickly became a thing of 'I just want to finish the miles I had planned"  It was not a thing of trying to better my time it was simple a thing of finishing.   I ran (ok ok ok, I jogged) onward!  I started noticing that my heart rate was running higher than normal.  Odd.  Very odd. Could it have been that I don't normally run in the afternoon, so maybe my HR is higher in the afternoon?  I thought about it for a while, but then just said  oh well, I wasn't in any danger, and I wasn't struggling to breathe so I just carried on.  Eventually I checked my mileage and that's when I realized why my heart rate was higher.  I was pushing it at my fastest and while I thought I was going slow, I was actually running at a fast clip (for me).  I finished my run with 3.5 miles on the clock and my best average pace ever (I did walk a cumulative of about 30-60 seconds).   What shocked me was my fastest pace.  I just keep track of it, but I don't hold it as any set in stone thing, just basically as the fact that I for a few short seconds at least, got my body moving that fast.  I was previously tickled because I had showed a 10:00 fastest pace.  I finished yesterday with a fastest pace of 8.27.  What?   My body actually went that fast (even if only for a few seconds).  ha ha ha     So what felt slow actually was a pretty good run!!!


Sunday morning I woke up at 5:30 and I was out on the battlefield early.  I wanted to get my run in before my weekly Sunday morning walk with Sherry!  I don't know many stats about the run as my GPS malfunctioned (I have no clue what happened).  I did actually realize this fact about a half mile into my run but said 'screw it' and decided to just run to run.  I knew the route I was using would be just a hair over 3 miles so that was all I needed.  :-)   I finished it in an average time frame and my heart rate actually ran lower than normal.  Go figure.  Oh well.  (and I knew I wasn't pushing it as hard as I could during my run because of my heart rate reports). 

Running on the battlefield at sunrise makes me want to get out with my camera!!!!!!!   So home now....relaxing......I'm going to have lunch and then mosey up to hang with my family for the day.  Not sure what I'll get into whilst there!

Speed Demon

Yesterday's exercise plans got shot out of the water with the snow.  I didn't make it out for my morning run and I didn't make my evening trip to the gym that I had planned.  GRRR   I spent about 30 minutes outside in the morning shoveling and walking.  I then followed up in the evening with a 30 minute step aerobic dvd.  (which kicked my butt!).  SO I still maintained a somewhat active day.  VICTORY!  (however I caved and had a diet soda after my step aerobic workout....oh well, my water consumption was in, so it's not a bad splurge!)

This morning I was up and out the door shortly after 7AM.  Why so early?  I had a make up run to do!  (remember, yesterday's run was canceled due to snow)  I was nervous at first. MY car was covered in a layer of ice and our deck was one slippery mess.  However, the roads were fine.

Snow covered fields at sunrise

I have decided what I'm going to do to increase my speed while I run.  I have decided to run intervals. I've read different views on increasing speed.  Some say intervals, some say run up a steep grade hill and jog back down and repeat at least 10 times (which sounds like an incredibly intense workout...I will probably torture myself with that sooner or later).  Some people just say run and force yourself to better your time each and every day.  I'm going to simply run intervals.  I am going to try to pushy myself harder during my intervals, since I know that I will have a period of rest after the run.  My plan?  I still plan on running three times a week.  Two runs will be interval runs and the third run will be a straight up jog/run.  My third straight up (no interval) run will be timed and recorded so that I can hopefully see my progress.   I had actually found a great (free) app for my phone a while back, and never used it as I swung through the C25K program.  It's called RunNow.  You can set the length of your run intervals and walk/jog intervals.  You can change how it notifies you when it's time to run/walk and it notifies you when you are at the halfway mark (in case you are running an out and back).  I used it today.  My play list played just fine with this program also running....and the voice did a nice job of notifying me when I needed to change up my pace.  It doesn't have a GPS program built into that app (maybe that's because I have the free option!  LOL)  but I just turned on one of the apps that I have on my phone (mapmyride is a free one). Maybe someday soon I can afford a heart rate monitor that has that built in so I don't have to zap the power on my phone when I'm running!    But for now everything running on my phone works just fine.  I can't wait to see how I progress.  I would LOVE to be under 40 minutes for my next 5k (May 18th) but I will be happy with ANY improvement!   I will conquer this running thing ....in a few months you can just call me "speed demon!"

Lethargy

This past week has been a total lesson in perseverance.  Exercise has not come easily.  I've done it...and I'm proud to say that I did through all the lethargy I managed to  rack up just about 7 hours of exercise between Monday morning and Friday bedtime.  But it was pure will power.  It did not come easily.  It ached, my legs felt heavy and dead.  It was not good.  I took off Thursday from exercise and I was back at it yesterday...just for my run.  Oh my word...I totally fell apart during the run.  I had to stop three or four times and walk.  My breathing got so totally out of whack that I fell apart.  I also attribute my breathing falling apart on some of the lethargy in my legs.  I know that my muscles need good oxygen to be fueled and I know that I was not giving the muscles what they needed (not by choice).

Onward I move though.  I'm taking today off again.  And Tomorrow I'll be back at 'em.   We are going to do a practice 5K because one week from today we will be participating in our 5K.  I've not run a 5k yet.  I've run 2 miles....but not a 5k (which is a hair over 3 miles).  We are OK with what we are doing.  If we have to walk for minute intervals we are OK with it.  We are going to do it...and we know that each time we do do it, we will be bettering ourselves!

In Like Flynn

I don't have too much to say today.  I just am basically in the mind frame of working to keep moving forward.  I struggle with looking back and saying "I already did this journey once.  I already reached goal once.  I shouldn't be doing this again". I sit back sometimes and say "why did I not do this earlier"   All of those thoughts are negative and self destructive.  It hurts me.  So I'm looking forward and not focusing on the what ifs and should haves.  I'm only focusing on the what is going to be!



My news for the day.....well, I have a 5k that I am registered to run on March 23.  I have thus signed up for another one.  I will be running another 5K on May 18th.  That will be the first day of my vacation...what a great way to start off vacation right???   It is the Paws on the Pavement 5k in Hagerstown, benefiting the Humane Society.  What a great cause!  I'm thinking about working up a tee shirt that honors my kitty cats that I can wear while I run.  (OH my word...I think I know what I'm going to do for my tee shirt!!!   The slogan on the front.....20 paws are better than 4 ....I've got 5 cats of course! The rest will be surprise! Lets just say that I have to look through some pictures and get working in photo shop!)


That crazy fear rears it's head though (don't I have the craziest fears).  I may do this 5k alone.  I know I'll be OK if I'm on my own...but it's just that stupid fear.  I admit, I have a call out for friends to run it with me (sherry.....you can do it!...haa haa haa....ok ok ok, you are not sure that you are going to stay with this running thing, and that is ok. whatever you decide is good with me!) ...started thinking about not registering for it YET because what if no one does it with me.  But then I realized that I was just making excuses in an effort to take the easy way out.  That is NOT how the new MaryFran rolls!   I face things face on right now.  That said, I hope to run it with friends...but no worries.  If I'm alone, so be it!  Ohhh and I have already paid for my registration!  I'm IN like Flynn!

Heaving + Running = fun times

I was on cloud nine when I got to work after my walk yesterday.  Seriously.  I was feeling on top of the world.   Yeah, I did have a bit of a blister on the bottom of my foot, but that was just an annoyance but otherwise all was good.  I had conquered and won a self imposed challenge!  And then the menu for lunch was dropped on my desk.  I had made waffles for breakfast at the house before my trek into town.  (waffles with berries and a strawberry syrup).  I didn't need much food. I had planned a light lunch because of that.  But the bank was paying...so I ordered 1/2 a turkey sub.  (a little higher in calories than I would have normally chosen after the waffles, but still OK)  My manager went ahead and got the whole sub for me (it was the same price..winter special).  I wasn't upset. She talked to me before hand and I had decided that I would just eat it for lunch tomorrow....no packing alunch  needed.  It would be in the fridge at work waiting for me.  All was right in my world.  I pulled up MPF and put my food in. Uhhh, I would only have 300 calories for dinner.  But I made my plans. 

I texted Todd and had him pull a steak out of the freezer for himself.  I planned to make mashed potatoes and veggies.  I would eat a small amount of potatoes and then load up on fruits and veggies.  I was A-OK with that.   But, best laid plans.......

Todd texted me back a little later and asked if I would mind if he made some kind of stir-fry with his steak.  Well of course I didn't mind.  I was still planning on making the potatoes and veggies....but then I thought about how easy it would be to simply eat the other half of that sub since he was making his own dinner.  I knew I didn't have the calories in my budget.....well, I would if I used my earned calories from my walk and only be 10 calories in the negative.  Soooo I planned to do that and just be OK with using all of my earned calories.......my new plan was in force....at least until after I had that 1/2 sub for dinner and I started thinking about how I wanted something sweet  last night.

Ohhh yes I did.  I had a 245 calorie dessert.  245 calories that I did NOT have the calories for.  This is definitely the FIRST time I have gone over on my calories  that badly since shortly after Christmas.  I ate a total of 1764 calories for the day. (I'm aiming for 1250 a day not including my earned calories)  Hmmmm  In the grand scheme of things still not bad.  (and honestly, still in the losing range of caloric restriction even with those extra calories utilized) But not where I want to be.

On a good note, I was only about 20 ounces of water into my day when they went to pick up lunch.  When I ordered I was very quick to say "And A diet pepsi please!!!"  That is probably only the second or third time I have drank a diet soda since I restarted.  I won't lie, it tasted heavenly!    BUT...the good note?  I finished up that diet pepsi and then I went back to water and I STILL completed my water consumption goal for the day!

I refuse to beat myself up over it.  I slipped.  I've tightened the belt and I'm marching onward!  Part of the Shazam plan is realizing that these kinds of days WILL occur. (Was it just the snow and the 'off day'?  Was it part of the munchies that go along with the monthly feminine  ick?   I don't know....and it doesn't matter) Realizing and accepting that these days happen takes the pressure off when it happens. The trick is just recognizing it and knowing that it can't happen all the time.   That pressure being gone makes me just rejuvenated and ready to rock it tomorrow!

This morning I woke up and laid in bed.  I really toyed with options.  I had excuses galore why I couldn't run.  Seriously..the roads might have patches of ice...after all we did have precipitation yesterday.  Todd wanted breakfast...and I do try to play the good wife role even when I'm frustrated at things in the marriage. (and he is working tonight and I do try to make at least one meal each day).  Excuses excuses excuses.  I finally settled on the fact that I would make him breakfast (and me too) and THEN go on my run.  Today was a 22 minute straight run.....that is why all the excuses were pouring through my head.  Fear fear fear.  (I am beginning to hate that word...even as I smash it to smithereens!).   

I made a somewhat nutritious breakfast...nicely well rounded.  For me I had an egg and cheese sandwich and hash browns. (Todd had more and cooked differently..but I don't like eggs, I have to disguise them if I want to eat them).  I cleaned up and slowly changed my clothes.  I decided to run down my road this morning...it saves the time driving to the battlefield (which is only a couple miles away...but still).  I started off.  The first half of my run was marked with a malfunction of my running app (the C25K app....my music shut off and I couldn't fix it).  Not a problem...I ran without music.  I used that time to pray.  The app is supposed to notify me at the half way mark (and when I'm on my road doing an out and back run I turn at that mark).  I ran...and ran...and ran ...and finally gave in and looked at my phone.  Dang it...I had missed the half way mark notice...but the good news...I was already 13 minutes into my 22 minutes.  I fiddled with the app and miraculously got the music going again.  Thank heavens.  The music started and something that I had been ignoring for a while started to rear it's ugly head.  You see...that food that I had for breakfast was sloshing around in my gut.  Yes....sloshing and it was not a good feeling.  At about 14 minutes in I was heaving.  It wasn't much...just nasty.  I spit and kept going...without really even breaking my stride.  I won't lie....part of me wanted to quit.  But I KNEW why I was feeling queasy and ill.  It was because I ate food very shortly before going out running.  I finished that 22 minutes and by golly I went an extra 30 seconds of running...just to prove it to myself that I could!   I wasn't letting anything keep me down.       And lets just say....LESSON LEARNED!  Breakfast AFTER run...never before! (although the string cheese before a run seems to work really well)

I will admit...today I am filled with self doubt about my weigh in that will be upcoming on Monday.  Freaked out for some reason.  (I prewrote the first half ...about my eating yesterday, last night...and was feeling good).  However, this morning I'm panicked.  Partly because of my extra 250 calories yesterday and partly because it's looking like I'm not going to get the level of exercise in this week that I have been getting.     Deep breath in....deep breath out.  This is life.......not a race.  Accept whatever happens and move on because regardless of what my mind is yelling....I AM doing what is right, good and healthy for my body! (on a side note...I read one of Jillian Michaels books a few years back and she actually recommended that you have a higher caloric day once a week to keep your metabolism 'guessing' and burning).

That said, my eating today is totally planned out!

What am I beconing????

Friday was my day or rest from exercise.  I had actually also planned on taking off on Saturday.  However, I got toward the end of the day and dang, if I didn't just simply want to eat some ice cream.  I thought about it.  I knew that eating 1/2 cup of ice cream (fat free 90 calories) and being over by those 90 calories would not break me.  But I didn't want to.  So I got on the exercise bike for a really light 30 minute ride to earn myself some calories.  Day of rest?  Yeah, I still call it a day of rest.   (Friday was still a total day of rest...much needed and well deserved.)

Today started my new week of exercise.  I started it off with a bang.  The alarm went off early and I headed to the battlefield where I met up with Sherry.  Both of us struggled with the run today.  We think part of the issue is that both of us have this desire to run...but both of us have a bit of a mental block to running.  Because of this we are cheating on our workouts...I run on Sunday and I'm on a high so I rush through my three runs and then don't do anything.....Sherry does the opposite..pushes the runs toward the end of the week and then has them all bunched together.  Both approaches are not helping us.  (OK, they are helping because we are getting a workout...but it's not helping in terms of training to run...we need consistency.  We talked about it...and we have committed to running on Monday, Wednesday and Friday this week.  Schedule wise it's not possible for us to run together this week...but we are going to be virtually working out together....getting the runs in on the same day!

Anyway, this morning at the battlefield, we ran...we walked.  And if that wasn't enough, we then headed up to the outlets.....the Reebok store in particular.   Why in the world did we head to the Reebok store at 9AM on a Sunday morning before the store was even open?   Well, let me tell you.  My zumba instructor was holding an hour of zumba at the store.  FREE!   As if an hour of free zumba isn't enough, if you attended the hour of zumba you were given the employee discount for your purchases in the store.  40% off!   I have been needing new shoes for zumba. I had purchased running shoes a few weeks back, but really needed new shoes for zumba. 

Holy cow, have I become some exercise demon?   I'm 40 years ago and up until recently I would have never assumed that there was a need for different types of tennis shoes for different activities.  I was under the belief that if you had a pair of tennis shoes, you were good.  Now I have everyday tennis shoes, running tennis shoes AND zumba tennis shoes.  What am I becoming????? 

The sneak peak (and weigh in for a Sunday challenge) was good....can't wait until tomorrow to see the official weigh in!!!

I have a friend that has her cosmetology licence.  She's had it for a while (20 years) but always hated working in a salon.  So she just does friends and family.  Just recently she decided that she has always hated her job and that she has always wanted to follow her dreams.  She is in the process of putting a salon into her home...and she is planning on going into business for herself. She has been doing makeovers of her friends to build up a portfolio that she can show prospective clients.  She also knows that the free ones she is doing now will (and already has) create referrals for her.  So she asked me if I would be a guinea pig.  I decided to roll with it and I gave her free reign......So this is my 'before picture'.  This picture was taken within the last few weeks.  And the end results is as follows............

These two are of course the after pictures.  I very rarely take the time to dry my hair straight and NEVER take the time to pull out the flatiron (I think I dont' even have one anymore...so my hair will be back to it's normal curly state).   I'm not a makeup girl either....but hey, it was fun!  I'm not sure..but I think that I look older after my makeover. 

Fear and happiness

I decided that it was time to rejoin the gym.  Todd and I debated about which gym to go to. OK, Todd never debated...I did.  When I originally started the healthy lifestyle thing, we joined Gold's Gym.   We both liked it but we spent a LOT of money each month for the two of us.  After a few years we decided to move to a gym that was  bit closer...thus we tried out South Point Fitness.  It was small and cramped and Todd hated working out there, he said it made him claustrophobic.  We left there and switched to the ultra cheap Planet Fitness.  That wasn't so bad...for a no frills gym, but eventually as money became even more tight we dropped that (plus there was an issue with a worker and Todd that wasn't pretty and Todd complained about the gym the whole time...said he didn't like the vibe).  We went gymless for a while.   We went back to Gold's (which is substantially cheaper now).   And there have already been a few lessons that I would like to share.

Lesson number one.  I was talking to the guy that signed us up.  I mentioned that I was doing the couch to 5k training program and that it was working, I wasn't fast and it wasn't by any means pretty, but I was doing it.   He looked at me and his words were "I think it's splendid, you've already lapped everyone that's sitting on their couch!"    You know....that is totally right!   I sat around for so many months and years of my life and I let myself be lapped over and over again. Why?   Fear kept me down.  I was afraid I would look retarded.  I was afraid I would fail.  I was just afraid.  But you know what....sitting on the couch doing nothing is what I SHOULD have beeen afraid of!  I am up and moving.  There is no way in hell that my actions will hold me back......the only thing that holds me back is inactivity!

Lesson number two wasn't really a lesson, but rather just a thought that flitted through my mind.  Today is  bank holiday, so of course I'm off work.  We decided to head to the gym.  After my workout I went into the locker room.   And that's when I realized.   I don't fear the gym.  I will go and push myself and feel confident that I'm doing my best.  What I fear?  I fear the locker room.  I always chose a locker that's off in  corner and hope and pray that the area will be uninhabited when it comes time for me to change after my workout.   And eii yii yii..the showers???   ~~shudder~~    So today I walked into the locker room.  I set my stuff down and walked over to the sinks so that I could take  look at myself.  You see, I was trying to figure out if I could forgo taking a shower after my workout (when I used to workout at the gym I only showered at the gym once.....fear you know.....even though it's irrational and I know it!) I walked to that mirror THREE times....dreading it.  But I knew that we had some plans and errands after the gym and I really needed to do something......greasy sweaty hair is not a good pretty sight.  After my shower, I started to think about it.  Seriously?  What do I fear?  It's absolutely NUTS!    I'm not going to live my life with irrational fears.  I'm going to push myself and the world better as hell watch out because I'm going to emerge from this cacoon strong and ready to kick ass!
 OK upon rereading this for a quick edit, I just realized that lesson one and two are both me facing my fears.  Interesting.
I've been saying that our happiness has to come from inside and not due to any amount of exercise or weight loss.  I've said it can't come from a job...or a spouse...or material possessions.  It really does come from within.  Apparently George Washington felt the same!

BRRRRRR

Ohhh my word.  It was cold!  I woke up before the alarm this Sunday morning.  I laid in bed and thought about my planned run.   I checked the weather.  Holy cow wind chill of 12 degrees F.   Seriously?   That's cold!   I even got up and looked out the window to make sure everything was clear. Didn't appear to be icy!  But for the most part I laid in my toasty warm bed.   I never wavered in my determination though.  I knew that when the alarm went off  that I would bound out of bed, get dressed and head out the door to meet my friend Sherry for our Sunday morning run and walk.   So the alarm went off.....and just like planned I rolled out of bed and started to bundle up!   Yup, I went out jogging at an ungodly hour on a Sunday morning in the bitter cold.   Did I mention that it t was COLD!  Normally we do our training session and then walk some more to chit chat.  However, have I mentioned the cold???   We did our run, chit chatted for a few scant minutes and we headed home.  My hands and body is still chilled an hour later! (OK, I haven't hit up the shower yet...soon)   

The run actually wasn't all that bad with the cold.  (ok, who m I kidding....lol)   My eyes watered the whole time.  Looked like I was crying in misery...but no, I felt ALIVE!   I particularly love this picture because you can see a tear rolling down my cheek!  Sherry and I decided to go into the week blind with no clue of what we were running......I just looked it up. 
5 minute warm up.
Run 3 minutes
Walk 90 seconds
Run 5 minutes
Walk 2.5 minutes
Run 3 minutes
Walk 90 seconds
Run 5 minutes
5 minutes cool down.
The first run was a bit rough.  My breathing never got out of control but it just wasn't right.   I tightened up my focus and the following three runs I was able to do better.  :-)  I'm getting the breathing down.  :-)  

I'm actually very happy that I am learning to run in the bitter cold. If I started in the summer by the time it started to get cold again I would probably wimp out thinking I couldn't do it....that fresh determination wouldn't be there to push me out into the cold like it is right now.   In theory, I will run through the summer and when it starts to get cold again I can know that it's not as bad as I fear....and will know that I can do it!

As for my weight.  I'm just holding steady.  Not really dropping.  It's frustrating but I have looked back.  I know different things to focus on and tweak.  I'll figure this out and this weight WILL drop sooner or later.  The scales are just slow in getting the memo that I'm putting in the work and effort to lost the weight!

Choices

I've been thinking a lot lately about choices. In particular, I've been thinking about how we make our choices and what shapes our choices. So many of our decisions are based upon our life experiences and upbringing. The circumstances that surround us. But really, aren't those things really just excuses for not owning up to our choices?

Let me backtrack and share how I came around to this thinking. I've talked on here once or twice about my teaching experience. My last year pursuing that profession was totally horrible. The kids were not 'bad' even when they acted out in a truly horrible manner. They were products of their environment; a rough neighborhood, parents that were very young and an administration that decided that they didn't want me in their school simply because I was the wrong color.   Just recently, I started to think about those kids. They are not kids any longer. They are all in their early twenties (seriously I just dated myself didn't I?)   Maryland has a very easy to access judicial system website for cases that are public record.  I decided to pull out an old class list (I knew I had one in storage somewhere) and check their names.  It took me a while to find the paper I needed, but earlier this week I started looking.   Of the 33 students in my 4th grade classroom, 12 of them were free from having any accessible record within this state. (could be in different states and who knows what they did during their years as a minor..years I don't have access to).  There were traffic violations with at least 6 of those violators being driving on suspended licence.  I giggled at former student that had a case against him for failing to pay them metro fare and even the unrestrained unruly dog made me smile.  The paternity and child support cases made me sad because I realized that these kids were just following the footsteps of their parents...they were stuck in the cycle.  They had choices but they were not making the difficult choices and breaking free from vicious cycle that was pulling them down.  There were quite a few of my previous students that were picked up for theft....of which one of them was armed robbery.  There were a few drug charges.  But my jaw dropped two times.  TWO of my students, even though they are only in their very early 20's have been charged with Murder within this state and since adulthood.  (Murder in the first...both of them).    As bad as that year was...this breaks my heart.  Those kids HAD the world in front of them.....they could have made so much from themselves.  It was all their choice.  Those kids had choices in life to make....and so many of them have apparently made the wrong choices.   You can say 'product of their environment'....but that really IS a cop out.  They made those choices....the consequences have always been clear.  I know that they were clear...I was their teacher.  These kids told me back then that they were going to become prostitutes...we talked about consequences.  One of these kids told me that they were going to shoot me......consequences were discussed at that time too.  They KNEW the consequences....yet they STILL made negative choices that they will have to carry with them the rest of their lives.

So how does this relate to this blog and my weight loss????    Haven't I done the same thing?   I have always known that obesity kills.  I have always known that being obese would adversely affect my health.  I knew that my obesity WAS affecting me.  My cholesterol is high.  I have already blown out my knees.  Obesity has come knocking and started wreaking havoc on my body.  Yet I continued to make choices.  I tried to say "well, it's my upbringing...I come from a foodie family"  but guess what......that's an excuse!  I knew the consequences of eating.  Yet I still did it.  The choice has been mine since I was old enough to know better!  Choices.......we really do shape our lives with our choices......circumstances do not shape our lives.  It's how we personally react to those circumstances....the choices that we make that shape our lives. 

I've made the choice to be healthy and I'm not looking back.  There are no excuses.  I know that there will be days where I'm not totally on target, but it's by no ones fault by my own.  It is MY choice and no one elses.

This morning I woke up.  I didn't do much in terms of exercise yesterday and had planned to do the next day on my couch to 5 k training program.  I woke up and looked out the window to see the weather.  DRAT!  Snowy.  (as evidenced on the door of my car in the picture)  Not a whole lot of snow...just a dusting. But a dusting of snow and a nice little sheen of ice.  Ice is not something that I want to be running in.  Luckily for me, this was my 'come in late day' at work.  I didn't have to be here until noon.  I took Todd to the studio (still sharing a car...hopefully within the next week or so we will be back to being a two car family) and then went home and did a bit of stuff around the house until about 10 or so.  And then I headed off down the road.  And I did it.  Week three is complete!

I'm proud of me for FINALLY making the right choice.   As I've looked deep, I have realized that I really do like who I am.  The love affair with myself has begun again. Happy Valentines day to me!

 

Curiousity killed the cat

I'm curious.  I have to admit it.  I would LOVE to look at the scales and see if I've dropped.  After all, I had a horrible week last week.  I was up that 1.1 pound all freakin' week.  I did manage to hold onto my weight loss by only gaining 1/10th of a pound.  Yes.  I was up by 1 tenth of a pound.  I'll take it.  But I know that the pounds SHOULD drop.  I hope they drop.  I want them to drop.  However, I'm stepping away from the scales.  No scales for MF until this upcoming weekend.  You see, my curiosity could very work to sabotage me should the scales be in a fickle mood.  In the meantime, I'm continuing onward.  Eating right, exercising and just living healthy.

Today is fausnaught day.  Donut day to those who don't know what a fausnaught  is.  It's all in conjunction with Fat Tuesday.  Get your last donut before Lent.  :-)   Of course I arrive at work and a customer had dropped off a big box of donuts for us to nibble on. They smell soooo fantastic.  But I'm ignoring the donuts.  No sirree!  I don't have the calories for a donut.   OK...technically I do.  I earned calories this morning with my exercise....so I COULD eat a donut and theoretically be OK.  (I looked 360 calories for a peanut butter donut.)  But I don't need a donut.  Nope.  I'm fine.


Exercise.  Did I mention that I've already exercised???  Today I set out to do Day 2, week three of my training program.  I had every intention of following the plan.  I promise!   Week three is a warm up....then a 1.5 minute run...a 1.5 minute then a two three minute runs and walks..back and forth.  It is capped off by another 1.5 minute run and equal walk.  And of course the cool down.   I started. I focused on my breathing.  I had read that it should be a 3.2 ratio.  Three steps of breathing in through nose...and two steps of breathing out through the mouth.  (that seems to be the generally accepted breathing technique for running...it apparently keeps you breathing in on different step patterns so that your body is not always doing a breath in on the same foot....who knows...).  I did the first run segment and felt great.  I walked the walk section.  I picked up my run and started on my first 3 minute run.  I felt great.  At one point I started to get a bit panicky in my breathing but I was able to quickly pull it back under control and was only out of control for a few seconds.  I caught it quickly and early enough and the breathing never became a problem.

 I walked my  first three minutes walking section....and then started running my next three minute segment.  I felt pretty good.  I wasn't fast...I wasn't pretty, but those are not my focus right now.  My focus right now is just doing it...and my breathing.  The second three minute run went by just fine....it went by so good that I kept running.  I was just curious to see what would happen.  I ran through my second three minute walk.    My program then instructed me to run again for my last run segment..the last 1.5 minute segment.  I kept running.  And since I was feeling so good when that segment was over I ran through the last 1.5 minute walk.  I ran (or whatever you call what I'm doing) for 9 minutes.  WEEEE.  I just wanted to see if I could do it.  I could.  :-)  Of course I had to take a picture when I was done.  :-)And when I arrived back at my car....I was oddly disappointed that it was done.

In this case, my curiousity turned into an epic success!

Take my breath away

This is the year that I am once and for all going to become a runner. OK, it's at least the year that I get this running of a 5K out of my system.  I participated in my first 5k, the Turkey Trot on Thanksgiving day.   I did it with Paula (left) and Terri (right) .   We did have bouts of jogging during that run.  But we walked a good bit of it (as evidenced by my time.  LOL)   It was fun and it got my feet wet.  I KNEW that my original goal of simply not being the last to cross the finish line in my division was not good enough to make me happy.  I wanted to actually RUN the whole thing.  I sat on that idea for a bit.  After all it was cold outside.  It's winter and I think I've already made it clear that I'm a bit of a wimp!!!!   But as you know I started the Couch to 5K program this week.  I even started it on a blustery cold as crap day.  Or so I thought.....

Yesterday I knew I had to get my run in.  I had a few motivating factors. Of course there is the March 23'd run coming up on me.  I also knew that my friend Sherry was doing the the same program that I am doing and I didn't want to fall behind her!   The video that I posted yesterday was also a huge motivator!   If he could do what he did, then I can overcome a little cold weather....a little discomfort!  So out I went.  It was getting dusky.  It was cold.  It was snowing all around me...swirling and making it beautiful.  (the path was clear)   The windchill was 15 degrees F...yes, I was outside running and walking in that kind of weather.  It amazed even me.  But while I was running I started thinking about this running thing and how I am handling it.  I thought back to the turkey trot.   I thought about how my first two runs had gone.  It was  startling discovery.   My legs were not the reason that I struggled.  I didn't struggle with running because my legs just couldn't move.  I struggled for a totally different reason.

I struggle with running because my breathing gets harsh and choppy.   I felt as if my chest were going to explode during the Turkey Trot.  My breathing was a mess and that breathing caused me to falter in my mission. It wasn't a lack of energy.  It wasn't a feeling of dead weight in my legs.  It was my breathing, through and through.    It was almost as if I started running and my mind realized it and I panicked and started to hyperventilate.    So yesterday,  I focused on my breathing.  Deep breathe in for 3-4 steps, then breathe out for 3-4 steps.  It worked!  I regulated my breathing and the time went by without my feeling like my chest was in dire straights.     As soon as I stopped my focus though, the choppy panicked breathing came back.   Focus focus focus.   I know that if I focus on my breathing that what I am REALLY doing is training myself how to breathe while I run.  I can do this!

Meanwhile, I will be signing up for the Keller Williams 5K which is on March 23rd of this year!!!!! (I'll be running for the north side...I like that course best..... in case you are nearby and want to join in the fun!)

This morning I hooked up with my partner in crime running, Sherry.   We did Day one of Week 2 together.  We have decided that early Sunday mornings will be our get together. In this way we can exercise AND have our weekly spill the beans and get stuff off our chests session.   It will keep us on target as we know that every Sunday morning we will be moving another week further in the training..and I for one certainly don't want to get left in the dust.  :-)   It was chilly again this morning.  It was Sherry's first experience running outside in the cold (and in fairness only my third).  She handled the cold  with great aplomb and realized the same thing that I did.....most of the fear of the cold is in our heads.  It really isn't that bad!



Took  a sneaky little peak at the scales.  If I can hold it together today....I'll be OK for my official weigh in tomorrow...even with that pop of weight yesterday.  :-)

Alive!!!!!!

I've said it a few times in the past weeks about how I admire people that go outside and jog in extreme weather.  I have seen people running on snow packed roads.  I have seen people running in cold weather.  I've seen it all.  I look at them and I admire them.  I feel a bit envious actually.  I want to be that dedicated but I just struggle with it.  My house is so warm.  My bed is so toasty.  It's cold out there!   I have two friends out there that are planning on doing 5K's with me this year.  So this is the year that I turn myself into a runner.  Those two friends are lucky.  They both have access to a treadmill at their house.  I'm not so lucky.  If I want to do this I have to go outside and do it on the roads.  Yesterday I went to bed and I was determined.  I would start today.   I got up and putzed around the house.  I looked at the weather on my phone.  I looked outside.  My heart filled with dread.  It was WINDY as heck out there!  And it was COLD!  Yes, it was 39 degrees....with a wind chill more than 10 degrees colder and oh yeah, the wind was whipping at 25 plus MPH!

I didn't let that deter me though.  No no no.  I threw on a tee shirt and some exercise pants.  I threw on my socks and shoes.  I added a hooded pull over sweatshirt and then topped it with zipped up hoodie.  I grabbed my cell phone and I was off to the battlefield (Antietam Battlefield). I parked and opened the car door.  The open fields offered no windbreak for the wind that whistled against me....my car door felt like it weight 8 tons.  But I crawled out of my car and started.   The first few minutes were really chilly.  I need to add some gloves to my ensemble.  My legs were chilled with just the light layer of cloth but not annoyingly so.  After about 5-8 minutes I was comfortable with the exception of my hands.  But by about 20 minutes in I was toasty, even a bit sweaty on top and even my hands were comfortable.  Day one of C25K in the books.  WOO HOOO    I'll hit it up again tomorrow.  :-)  (yeah yeah yeah, I know a day of rest and all that...but I'll do this MY way).  There I am, double hooded and face nice and red from the nippy weather and my exertion.  There were officially snowflakes a few times...so I guess I can say I've run in the snow too!!!!!

That said, in the month of January I have added 103 miles to my virtual travel across the states.  I am still in Virginia (it is a rambling route through VA and Virginia is WIDE as all get out!)  I am currently 5.62 miles out of Scotchtown, VA!  


I went home and did a few things around the house including making lunch and getting ready for work (I didn't have to be at work until noon today).   As I drove to work one thing pounded in my head.  What word was that?   ALIVE!!!!!  I feel alive, and I like it!

Weird day

I did day one of the fourth week of the couch to 5 k program today. It was tough! This week jumped me to a 5 minute warm up walk...then I jogged for 3 minutes...walked for 90 seconds....jogged for 5 minutes.....walked for 2.5 minutes...jogged for 3 minutes...walked for 90 seconds and ran for 5 minutes. Wow......Last week I jogged 90 seconds..walked 90...jogged 3 and then walked for 3...and then repeated. So this was a HUGE jump. I did it though! Then I went to the other property and worked on the yard...I finished up what I couldn't the other day becuase it had started raining.....push mowing and raking up the piles of grass (yeah, the grass was so high that we made hay) to cart over here to our compost pile!

So your wondering why it was so weird? Well...I nibbled all day! I just couldn't seem to get enough food. I don't know if it was because I was bored (it was a slow day at work) or if it was because I worked with Deb..who nibbles all day (social eating) or if it was simply because I did work myself for like 2 hours this morning? Who knows.

whew!

Ok, so last week I did the three days of the couch to 5 k. I jogged for one minute and walked for two minutes. Today I started week two of my 'program'. I upped the ante to jogging for 2 minutes and walking for two minutes. HOWEVER, the last 4 minutes of the 20, I jogged the whole time! We'll see how I feel tonight. haa haa haa But, as of right now, I don't feel too badly!

So, whew.....week tow has begun! It truely is amazing to me. I kinda dread going out...but when I come back....wow, the feeling is utterly amazing! I feel as if I've been washed clean!

woo hoooo day two

Day two.....came, conquered! I'll admit, those muscles were talking to me while I was out today! BUT, I did it! AND I felt so good and proud of myself afterwards! I did my 20 minutes....1 jog/2 walk! One more day of that (the plan is to do that on Sunday.....unless we go for a big ride or something like that) and then next week knock it up to 2 jog/2 walk if I can. I know that right now I'm very ready for the jog segments to be done, but they aren't totally killing me!

My weight was down about a half pound this morning! I so want to get myself out of the two hundred range......not this one or two pounds away..that's too close for comfort!

Weigh in

I had a slight gain at my weigh in last night. I gained .8 pounds. I know that some of that is water retention as it is the 'bad week' of the month for me. The ick is upon me....yuck yuck yuck. But, realistically...I just didn't do that well. I didn't journal like I should have. I just didn't care. The main reason I don't journal....because I've been bad and I just plain don't know how to mark down my food intake!

SOOOO this morning I rolled myself out of bed. Ate my oatmeal. Donned my newly designated running clothes and out I went. I did the first day of my couch to 5 k program. I did modify it. Instead of running for 1 minute and walking for 1.5 minutes. I did a run for 1 minute and walk for 2 minutes. I'm using a kitchen timer....digital thank goodness as my timer and it only does minutes...and doesn't show me seconds so this was easier. Plus, I'm a big girl. I think I'm going to have to take this a bit slower than some. I am totally amazed though at how I'm feeling now. I got back about 40 minutes ago. I feel really good. VERY proud of myself. My knees don't hurt...nor does my foot. Those were the two things that I was pretty worried about. SO far so good! :-)

You don't see many fat runners........could that be because running melts the pounds off of a person? I can only hope!