Hanging in there

 I haven't given up on my weight loss journey.  Even though my last post was tinged with a feeling of helplessness.  Giving up is honestly not an option for me. It sounds tempting but then I start to think about how I want my life to be. I think about what life I want to live.  And when I thought of those things, it made me realize how badly I want this.  It made me tighten the reigns and not go crazy with my eating.

We had a busy weekend.  We had a handful of errands and some visits that we had/wanted to make. We didn't even have enough time for a full hike.  We did make it down to the canal and we walked for about an hour.  But that was all.   Don't worry...we got a lot of steps in while doing our errands!!!  

My eating....on Friday and Saturday was a bit higher.  My calories were between 1400-1600 each of those days.  But by Sunday I had pulled it around and my calories were quite a bit lower and down in the range that I typically like to be in (1200-1300 calories).    

My weight managed to hold steady over the weekend without going up.  So that made me happy!   

I'm NOT giving up.  Giving up is the ONLY way to fail!   Failure is NOT an option!  

And since this post is short, I will leave you with a picture of the infamous Mertz!

I want to give up on Weight Loss

 I am struggling with weight loss!  Boy am I struggling!   I came back and weighed in last week and I was all strong and mighty!  I had managed a mini vacation with a maintain.  I was invincible!  I was superhuman!  I was on top of the world....because seriously...a maintain at the beach is amazing!   I had great plans for the week!  I was going to nail the week!

I was going to .....that's the phrase you need to hear.  I was going to. 

All of my plans fell away.   I was super tired.  I had the monthly ick.  It was just a week and a half long.   My eating was actually in line!  I swear!  It was!  I tracked every bite!  My calories were sitting at around 1400 to 1600 calories.  That should be a loss!   

But it wasn't a loss.  It wasn't even a maintain!  Honestly...at one point I was 6 pounds up!   I actually ended up with a 3 pound gain. And let me tell you, I am so discouraged!  I feel totally helpless.  I feel like giving up because this journey is darn hard!

I'm not giving up....but I honestly don't know what to do at the moment.  Vacation is coming up and it is so difficult to not just say 'I'm giving up until after vacation."  But I know that I can do a fair amount of damage in those weeks and then vacation on top of that would and could be disastrous!!!!!   So right now until I figure this out.....I'm just hanging tight!

MIA from my weight Loss Journey

So in case you haven’t noticed I have been missing in action lately.   Actually  I’ve been nowhere to be found any of my social media accounts...or to be more specific I was absent from any and all participation in my weight loss related accounts.  If you stopped by, all you heard were the crickets!  Yup....I was nowhere to be found!

I wish I could say that during my absence that I was killing it on the scales and that I had managed to lose a lot of weight.  However, that is not the case.  This was purely a ‘vacation’ from the constant worry of trying to lose weight, the constant whirl of thoughts about my journey and yes, the Spector of coming back on here once again to say ‘I’m still failing at this weight loss journey thing’.   

Now don’t get the wrong idea.  My little break wasn’t great, but it wasn’t all bad.  So let’s break  it down into the  different aspects.

My weight

I actually didn’t gain any weight during this time of silence.  I actually maintained my weight during the last week or two.  Sure, there were the normal fluctuations that occur from drinking different amounts of water, higher sodium foods, etc.  but my weight stayed within the same pound or two. 

My food

I was far from perfect!  Far from it!  But somewhere and somehow in this little break, I started to naturally regain my footing with some of the unhealthier habits. Ok, let’s be honest here...the sweet treat at night is the big change!  I eliminated that.  (Ok, last night I had once piece of cake...first sweet treat in over a week! And it will be the last sweet treat  until next weekend at the earliest!  Balance!!!)   I tried to eat a simple healthy meals, especially lunches!.  My lunches were an actual sandwich with a side (be it chips, or pretzels) portioned onto a plate which I ate somewhere other than in the kitchen.  They were NOT eaten with me standing in the kitchen, the Pringle’s can open in front of me and just mindlessly eating!  I’m sure my calories were over my zone where I lose weight (for me 1200 to 1400 calories) but in a way maybe I was resetting my habits and food behaviors.

Exercise

This was not a total failure  either.   We walked every day after work.  Just a mile but at least it was something!   We also managed to get in some bike rides.  They were all on the canal and very easy (the ribs are still tender and healing) but each ride was over 20 miles! 

Ride one:

Ride Two:

Ride three:

So that was more than 60 miles of bike riding in the last week or so!! We also got about 8 miles of walking in, above and beyond the after work walks!

Walk 1, canal walk:  

Walk Two,  laps around the Hagerstown City Park:

The time off was not without thought and conversation about my weight.  There were even some tears.  Because, you see, I feel somewhat helpless.  I don’t like to be this weight.  I’ve been sore and my body aches. I know that it is in direct correlation to my weight.  I know I need to change my lifestyle and I want to it’s just so overwhelming...and difficult!  

But....we did our biweekly grocery shopping this past weekend and I loaded up on fruits and vegetables, ready to tackle this weight problem that has plagued me for years.  I am determined to lose weight.   A new month starts today. This is the perfect opportunity for a new Maryfran to emerge.  

I don’t have all the answers.  I don’t have the solution to the age old problem of obesity.  But I still have the desire to lose weight.   I still have the desire to get back to my lower weight and reap the benefits...that feeling of vitality and health.  I want a life without the aches and pains of all this extra weigh on my body. My little break has hopefully refreshed me and gave me the break that I needed to tackle this issue.  Let the weight loss journey recommence!

Temptation and a bit of a challenge

So it’s the week of thanksgiving!  Happy early Thanksgiving!   And with this holiday comes the knowledge that there will be lots of food to eat....lots of food to make...lots of food to see...lots of food to consume.   It is sooooo tempting to throw in the towel and just give up!!!  Especially this week!!!

Yes, I did just say that I am tempted to throw in the towel and give up on this weight loss thing until after the holidays.  (And I mean after Christmas...). I’m not losing weight as it is...so my natural inclination is to say ‘screw it’ and just eat what I want. However.  I don’t want to go into the new year with even more weight...I would ideally like to start the new year weighing less than I do now...but I would be happy to go in with a maintain!

So for that reason I am throwing down the challenge.  A nice Holiday (let’s just focus on Thanksgiving right now.) challenge.  It’s simple really.   (And I blatantly grabbed the idea from a blog I read.).   Four different facets of this challenge.

1.  Exercise the day of the holiday!   

2.  No bites licks or tastes while cooking and cleaning up...food must be on my plate at the table if I eat it!

3.  One serving ...no multiple plates!

4.  Take a picture of my food eaten!!!!!

Simple...but doesn’t it sound effective!   So no...I’m not throwing in the towel...I’m issuing a challenge!!!

Pulled from the Ashes

I'm going to start with a little story today.

A few months ago, I was looking through some bins of my craft items.  Now I love crafts.  I dabble with this and I play with that.  I switch it up frequently.   I get bored with something and I move on.  Eventually I go full circle and get back to the original craft.   So I have bins of craft items.  As I was looking through the bins I stumbled across my cross stitch bin.  I was appalled to realize that I had not one, not two but 9 unfinished cross stitch projects hanging over my head.  I vowed that I was going to tie up these loose strings and finish my unfinished projects around the house.  I decided to tackle the cross stitch first.  Maybe quilts will be next...who knows.  :-)     The first cross stitch took me about 2 months to complete.  That's two months of working night (at home while watching tv) and day (I'm lucky enough that I can do small projects like cross stitch in between our few and far between customers).  It is the picture that is embedded in this paragraph...sorry for the glare on the glass.    The second took a few weeks (smaller and closer to completion than the first one).  The third one was really simple (just back stitching left) and I finished that really quickly.  And then I tackled the Thomas Kincade cross stitch that I had started 10-15 years early.  I started.  I was rolling along.  I was doing it and THEN I realized that I must have put it down 10-15 years ago because of some COLOSSAL mistakes.  My edges didn't line up, my house would be lopsided, and we won't even mention the flowers.  eiii yiii yii......  Oh it was bad!  I was tempted to throw it down in despair.  This thing was messed up with a capital MESSED UP.  I didn't quit though.  I took out some stitches on the edge.  I mentally told myself add one stitch when you get to this point in the project and to deduct a stitch when you get to that point. Do such and such when you get to that spot.  It was a headache.  It was a chore for me to even pull it out and work on it some days.  I wanted to scream and cry and gnash my teeth with frustration.  But I persevered.  I pulled this from the ashes and made something out of it! It is done and honestly, to the naked eye, it looks pretty darn good. 

As I neared the completion of this headache inducing cross stitch I started to think about the unfinished aspect of my life.  I am unfinished.  I need to FINISH this process of losing weight and settle into the 'new me'.  I am an unfinished project.  Even more revealing to me as I thought about the unfinished prospect was that I realized that I have been unfinished for so many years because I would make a 'collassal' mistake and that would make me throw up my hands and quit.  Still not following me?   I am doing good for a day or two and then holy of holies we go out to eat and I lose control and order the fattiest greasiest meal and follow it up with a large dessert.  Or I binge on chips and ice cream.  I make a bad decision.  What is my natural tendency??   I quit because I made a mistake instead of stepping back and figuring out how to move forward.

Just like the messed up Thomas Kincade cross stitch project.  I am not throwing unfinished projects aside anymore. I will make mistakes in my cross stitch and other crafts, just like I will in my everyday life and in particular my healthy lifestyle.  But just like this cross stitch proved to me.....mistakes can be rectified with a little patience and juggling.  Some mistakes I could easily correct.  Some I had to substitute and some I just had to learn to live with.  But just like my life...the end result is phenomenal.



Even with all the mistakes that I had to correct.  Even with all the mistakes that I had to learn to live with.   Even with the headaches and the frustration....I'd say that it turned out pretty darn good (sorry less then stellar picture.... I literally snapped the picture seconds after I finished the last stitch)






I had decided to weigh myself this morning, even though it's not my normal weigh in day.  Why?   Well it's the beginning of a new month!  I did.  I remain exactly the same as I weighed on Monday.  WOO HOO I maintained my weight this week. I refuse to be upset about not losing!!!!   I didn't waver in my determination.  I didn't eat food that I shouldn't have eaten.  I didn't skip exercise.  I did what was right. Should I have lost.  Yes.    Guess what??? The scales didn't show my efforts today.  Who the heck cares?   The scales WILL eventually show my efforts.  The pounds eventually will fall off.  I'm doing what is right.  That said, I woke up thirsty which is a sign that I am dehydrated...and usually that bodes ill for a weigh in for me.....plus TOM is knocking on my door...I wish I could tell the monthly ick that I'm not interested and it can go away...but that's not the way of life.   This is life...and results don't always directly match up with efforts every single time you check.  They will eventually though.