Hard day of work

Sept. 17, 2008 (17 of 365), originally uploaded by mfcstotler.

Well, I could have used this old tractor today! That's for sure. (yes, the tractor actually does still work, but it's not mine!) I had a busy and very productive day. This morning I went over to the farm to deadhead flowers. We've been saving seeds on everything we can every year. Number one it is interesting to see how the colors change a little more each year. Each year it seems as if we get a new color that we didn't have the year before. Just intriguing! Secondly, in the case of the zinnias (which is what I cut and put in the drying racks this morning) the original seeds were given to us in a garden basket gift that someone gave us for our wedding. These are our wedding zinnias. I can't let that seed stock die off now can I? (sentimental I know). After the flower/seed expedition, we came back over here to the house and got to work. I decided to dig up the garden for next year. We moved this past spring and kept the garden at the old place as it had been re-tilled and fertilized before covering it with straw for the winter. The ground was ready and waiting. (Not to mention that we didn't have time to do our garden over here.) I decided that I was going to tackle the garden area today. Get the soil turned, so I can pull out the tiller and till that ground up. That way we will be able to spread fertilizer and our summers worth of compost and get that ground ready and fertile for spring planting! SO that is exactly what I did. I laid out our garden, (paths and walkways are measured exactly to fit the riding lawn mower through! ) and I got to digging. HOURS upon HOURS later, and I was done! WOO HOOOO. Next week I'll work on the tilling!

I do believe that my husband thinks I'm crazy though. After all that digging, I came inside and rode the exercise bike. You see, my upper body was exhausted, but my lower body, while active really wasn't worn out. Soooo I fixed that. I was beat after the exercise bike. FINALLY I showered and then I was off to the kitchen to make dinner. I had my main meal at lunchtime, burritos. They are supper yummy and extremely easy to make! Todd had worked outside all day also, and I wanted to treat him to something special for dinner. SO I baked some fish for him and made some homemade biscuits and that is what he had (plus peas and watermelon). Since I don't eat fish, my plate was full of veggies. All kinds; green beans, cooked carrots, sauerkraut and peas! Watermelon for dessert....oh yes, and I had the last of the strawberries! What a yummy meal!

My weight this morning was up to 183.0. I wasn't totally surprised. I had a good bit of pasta last night and I know that sometimes affects my daily weight. :-) Anxious to see tomorrow. I mean, I can't imagine that it will not be good after eating well today and all the activity!

Not starting out the greatest!

Woke up this morning and TOdd and I headed to town to go to the gym. I had a pretty good workout and I was relaxed as Todd drove us home. I went to get out of the driveway and realized taht I had left my keys at the gym. DUH! SO I had to run up to town AGAIN to pick them up. Oh well....at least the snafu didn't interrupt my workout! I did still have time to straighten up the house and sweep and mop the kitchen floor. (does that thing ever stay clean???)

I'm tickled pink. I was able to hold my weight loss that I showed yesterday. Today I was pretty much the same. Oh I'll be honest...I was 2/10ths of a pound down. (ok, maintained........but technically a loss...lol) SO that made me pretty darn happy! I guess that second bike ride really made the difference for me in keeping that loss on my side! :-)

Not much else to report. Eating is on target for the day. I"ve planned dinner and I should be fine, with 2 points to spare for a little snack while I watch TBL. Yeah, that is terrible that I'll eat a snack while watching THAT show! LOL

Monday evening chit chat

Got home from work today at 3PM. I didn't have anything to do so I hopped onto the exercise bike and rode for an hour. That added to my 55 minute ride this morning, and I think I've done pretty darn good. I did have a banana with a bit of peanut butter tonight...which pushes me over my points by 2 points, but I do believe I"ll be ok. :-)

Made dinner tonight. One of my favorite meals. I made Maple pecan chicken, green beans and sweet potato pudding. For our dessert/fruit I fried some apples. YUMMY! While we were eating dinner I had a grand thought. We are eating better foods by eating healthy. I used to be a lazy cook. Yeah, I've always liked to cook, but I was lazy. I did prepackaged stuff and took the easy route. I rarely do that anymore and you know what? I do not miss the prepackaged easy route!

trepidation

Yesterday evening, I was just hungry and I couldn't get a hold of myself. I had a banana with peanut butter. I actually had the points for that, so I was a-OK. But then I had a second one (about an hour or so later) and a cup of the cheesecake stuff that I made. Both were not exactly 'bad things' for me. But still, I did not have the points for them! I also had a Chinese style meal for lunch, and we all know that Chinese is super high in sodium. And if that wasn't enough, we had taco's for dinner. I did a taco salad and filled up on lots of lettuce, onions and tomatoes. I only used one taco shell (crumbled up on my salad) and about 1/4 cup of the meat (turkey). I did add a little fat free cheddar cheese, so it was pretty healthy. BUT, the sodium was high! Outrageously high for the day. So, this morning I was a bit nervous about weighing myself. I had contemplated not doing it...skipping it and going or it tomorrow. But then this morning I realized that if my weight was up, I'd know why and I would not be bothered by it at all. So I stepped onto the scales. Exactly 2 pounds gone!!!!!! Now, I did exercise, AND push mow for an hour, AND walked while shopping for a couple hours, not to mention the normal things like cooking, cleaning up and the load of laundry washed and hung on the line. 2 pounds WOO HOOO!

This puts me at exactly the weight I started with for my little 'first to lose 10 pounds challenge with my friend who's getting married in October. Whew...now I can actually start losing that 10!!!!

I've laid out my food eating plan for today. I know that because of my little splurge/binge/eat fest that I will have to be super diligent today. I know that two days of overeating (even if it is healthy options) will start to have a negative impact! So I'm set and ready for the day!

The good old sinus' are STILL acting up. Headache is back today. My cheek bones and teeth hurt...and the throat is still just feeling icky. Go away sinus issues!

Going full steam ahead

Sunday morning! WOo hooo! I woke up early and got a 45 minute ride in first thing! My weight was just about the same as yesterday... 184.8 (2/10ths higher). So that is a good thing. I've been getting some stuff done around the house....I've mowed our yard (riding mower) and I've already got one big load of clothes on the line...the second is in the wash right now. I've calculated my foods for the day. And other than make and eat lunch, I'm pretty much ready to head to town for the day. I"m going up to my parents house. I"ll be doing their mowing today. That equals to about 45 minutes of push mowing.....which in my book equates to exercise/activity! WOO HOOO! I talked to mom and she and I are going to go consider my options for a dress for a wedding that I'm going to in early October. I have a black sundress....and a white jacket that will work. I also bought the cutest black and white polka dot sandals that I can wear (if it's not too cold....). I also have a green dress...but I would like to get a shawl or something if I end up wearing t hat. Or am I going to add a splash of color to the black dress with a different colored jacket/shawl for the black dress. Decisions decisions decisions.

My sinus headache is pretty much gone......I can feel the pressure in my head, but it's not a pounding headache, thank goodness. My throat however....not good. And I've picked up a cough. NOOOOO I do not want to be sick!

Got bit/stung by something when I was outside mowing this morning.....my arm hurts like the dickens....but oh well. Nothing I can do! :-)

Well, today's foods are super high in sodium......I know it and I know that there is nothing I can do about it (well other than eat something different...but they are stuff that has been requested by my husband....so I"ll eat them. They are not all that bad for me. I'll be under my points...but for lunch we are having a Chinese style meal.....and for dinner tacos. I'll be doing the taco salad thing again....so I'll be fine point wise...but sodium..eii yiii yiiii. Hey, at least I know about it.

Just for curiosities sake, I'm dual journal ling. I"m still keeping my journal with my weight watchers points. However, I'm entering everything into fitday.com. I've parallelled some days in the past, but I"m trying to do it for a couple weeks. It seems to me that 24 weight watchers points is about 1400 calories for me. The nice thing about this dual journal ling, fitday gives such cool reports, charts and numbers for your figures! :-)

Busy Saturday

reenactors-collage, originally uploaded by mfcstotler.

Woke up today and weighed in at 184.6. I was pretty darn happy with that! I had set the alarm early enough to exercise. So I hopped onto the exercise bike and rode for 45 minutes before getting ready to go to work. I had been planning to go to the grocery store after work and all morning I toyed around with the idea of actually stopping at the gym on the way to the grocery store and getting in another work out. Well, that didnt happen.....Todd decided to go to the store with me...and with his ear infection...makign him a bit dizzy, probably not a good thing to go to the gym. BUT, after dinner tonight I asked him to go for a walk with me. We went over to the battlefield. There were reenactors encamped at the dunker church to commemorate the anniversary of the Battle of Antietam/Sharpsburg. (later this upcoming week). I snapped a few pictures. I came home and at first wanted to kick myself because I hadn't switched my camera to monochromatic/black and white. But then decided to actually play on photoshop. Above are the results!

Did the normal grocery shopping. I came home and took care of preparing everything that could possibly be prepared in order to make this healthy eating venture as easy as possible! :-) Let me tell you, that takes time. I had to dish up two cartons of ice cream into 1/2 cup containers, cut up a watermelon, clean and cap strawberries, make lemon mousse and watergate salad (for todd), clean the grapes and something else that is escaping my memory. I also made pesto crusted chicken and homemade onion rings tonight. I've made the onion rings, but the pesto crusted chicken was a new recipe. It is definitely a keeper! :-) YUMMY!

Pain...but success

sept. 12, 2008 (12 of 365), originally uploaded by mfcstotler.

Well, this picture about sums up my day thus far. That's why I snapped the shot......thought it would be funny. Now, after having taken those pills and still no relief....it's not so funny. Last night I went to bed with a slight headache. I didn't think anything of it. I rarely get headaches anymore (surprisingly, it's one of the things that kinda dissapeared as I lost weight), but when they do come, I can usually sleep them off. So I went to bed. I woke up this morning to find that I still have a headache. Oh yes, and add a sore throat to the mix. Nothing contagious....I now know why I have a headache...sinus pressure.....and the drainage causes the sore throat. LOVELY! It's a rainy dreary day........which is causing my arthritic knees to kick up a fuss. And if those three things are not enough...the monthly ick has made it's appearance. What wonderful day! (note the sarcasm).

Excuses? Nope! I gave myself a day of rest yesterday because my body just ached and I was suffering lingering exhaustion from my marathon day of apples. But this morning, I drug myself out of bed. I got on that exercise bike and I rode 45 minutes.

My weight, dropped again......185.8. I'll take it.

Last night I never got off my butt to make my menu or do my grocery list. The biggest thing I did was pull out some ground turkey from the freezer for the chili that I plan on making when I get off of work tonight. I did bring my stuff with me today. I've made up the menu for next week. I'm actually very statisfied with what we are having this coming up week. I really do think I'll be able to navigate this week of eating at home fairly well. Some weeks Todd makes requests for certain meals that while they are super tasty....are just soooo hard to navigate.....simply becasue portion control is something that I struggle with. But anyway, grocery list is made, I just have to check a few more things at home to finalize the list and I'll be good to go.

Sitting here at work......twiddling my thumbs, hoping for the day to progess onward in a fast manner. 4 hours and 45 minutes left. I'll pull out my journal here soon. I"ve kept a hard copy of this whole weight loss journal (it actually goes further back than the beginning of this blog). I'm in the process of rereading it. It' been interesting. I forgot about certain events and happenings that are actually pretty big. Things like, if I allow a waitress to rush me, I tend to slip back into old habits and order the first thing that catches my eye, which is not usually the healthy item. And I'm remembering feeling and emotions that I had when I reached certain goals and victories. I am actually somewhat dreading the time when I get to this last year....because what a shame, I've really sat on the fence for the past year and have gone NO-WHERE with this weight loss journey. Wel, wait, that's not true. I have continued to learn little aspects and idiosincracies about myself as I progress onward in this new lifestyle. SO it hasn't all been a loss.......I've learned to 'maintain' and I can sit back and relax a bit knowing that I wil be able to maintain my weight. (not that it's going to be easy...but I can do it....as I've proved this last year).

Ok all deep thoughts and reflections are just not going to happen anymore with this sinus aching head!

My weight jumped back up to 186.6 this morning. Not too worried, I ate really late last night (uhhh 10:30PM) and TOM is right around the corner. So, I'm sure if I continue to follow the plan that things in diet world....ooops healthy lifestyle world will right themselves!

I didn't exercise today. This morning I ached something fierce. TOnight I still ache, but I'm also dead tired. BUT, I have done stellar with my eating! :-)

I need to summon the energy to work on our menu and grocery list. Our fridge is bare! :-) There is plenty here to eat...but we are just pretty much out of fresh fruit (not to worry, I have a bit of applesauce..amongst other things) and perishables are running low. :-) But that's typical for the end of the week!

Hard work ahead

Hard work ahead, originally uploaded by mfcstotler.

Well, I didn't get any formal exercise in today. But I worked my tail end off from about 9AM until just a few minutes ago (10:30). I made applesauce today. It's been hanging over my head, so when Todd told me this morning that he was going to work on the insulation (we are adding/updating some insulation at our place) I knew that I had a full day to do it. Hard work. But 3 bushels done! :-)

I stayed right within points. At one point, I really struggled. I was so tempted to get a granola bar. (we jokingly call them crack, because once you have a bite, you want more!) But I didn't. I didn't need it. I actually would have ended teh day with a ton of leftover points. But I just had a sandwich...even though it's late. I ate minimally today. I was too busy with my apples. :-)

results of day two

Well, my weight was exactly the same today. I'm not upset. Even though I chose a healthier option for lunch (doing a big salad instead of eating a gazillion tacos), it still was higher sodium foods. So I"m not going to worry about it. :-) If I continue watching closely, the weight will drop.

Who knows what today will hold. Todd and I are both off of work. However the work that we have to do here around the house is stuff that we need everything dry for and since we had a lot of rain yesterday, I"m thinking that we are not going to work around the house. Hmmmmmm what to do?????

A before and after picture of me as requested. :-)

Should I label them...or are they self explanatory? LOL






Nice little update. Day two went well. I did come up with an excuse early this morning as to why I shouldn't exercise first thing. And then it haunted me all day.....I came home and before I even ate dinner I exercised. Yea me! I have kept my eating under control. I did splurge a bit...I did have the daily points....I had a banana, 1/2 cup of 2 point ice cream, and a little chocolate syrup. That was the end of my daily points. And I am still feeling full from that snack! BUT I made it another day!

No excuses!

Sept. 9, 2008 (9 of 365), originally uploaded by mfcstotler.

have been doing much soul searching recently as I have been stuck at the same weight for over a year. This weight loss journey has been a wonderful trip, and I'm grateful for being able to say that I have lost 130 pounds. HOWEVER, I finally faced the fact that I have not been giving it my all. I have used excuses to eat more, excuses to not exercise religiously. I've decided that I do want to continue this journey. I have to continue it for me. I want to prove that I can take it the whole way and I want to see the woman that I become as I finish this exciting journey. SO this morning when I grabbed a tee shirt and realized that THIS is the one that I grabbed, I thought it was very Apropos and I KNEW that it had to be my picture for the day for the envisage 365 project. The tee shirt says, " You could ride off a cliff and die. You could get lost and die. You could hit a tree and die. Of you could stay at home, and fall off the couch and die." No more excuses!

Empowered

First of all, the lemon strawberry mousse dessert is fabulous! Very easy to make, low points! I made it for a pot luck for my co-workers one Friday...that day I gave the recipe out to my 5 co-workers at their request. On Monday 3 of them came to work and told me that they made it over the weekend. It is that yummy, and can stand as it's own dessert without the fruit. You can find the recipe here!

That brings me to my next announcement. I've FINALLY decided to start posting recipes and yummy tips somewhere on the Internet! I had toyed with the idea of doing an actual web page. And while that idea still hasn't gone away, I am not a web-page designer....and I quickly got frustrated! (I'll pick it back up someday and conquer that challenge!). Well, I finally just decided to do it blog style. I've put about 8 entries or so on thus far. Most are recipes...one is just an idea/alternative. I have a few tips and I will not be adverse to putting products on there. Anything that the self proclaimed food junkie that I am, deems good stuff! :-) So feel free to check out my food blog! I've aptly named it Maryfrans Menu! :-) Yeah, yeah, yeah, I'm not a genius when it comes to creating names! I am not a fancy gourmet cook. I cook home style with more normal every day ingredients (hey what can I say, I come from a family that owned and operated a diner for YEARS). I have always gotten so disgusted when I open a 'healthy' cookbook and see all these fancy shamncy ingredients. There is a time and place for that......but what if you don't like those things? What if you are just an average every day ordinary person that is cooking for family, and one that has some picky eaters that won't eat tofu and mushrooms just to name a few things that seem to be in TONS of healthy recipes! (yeah, I'm the picky eater...my husband eats all that stuff!). This is my answer!

OK, on to the big issues of recent days. I feel very empowered. I made it through yesterday with flying colors! I did have a bit of a problem this morning. I did not exercise. I do however plan on doing that tonight. Todd won't be home until 8 or 9, so I'm planning on riding the exercise bike when I get home...BEFORE dinner! (which will also push dinner a bit later into the evening, which will mean less time for me to have to resist getting a snack!) I made my plan for lunch, taco's were on the menu. I know that without a plan, I will eat as many as 6 tacos (I would have stopped there today....that's half of the box....my 'portion'.....and by the time you put meat and cheese and all the good stuff on each taco, you're talking about 2-3 points per taco!) I made a taco salad instead....filling up on the lettuce, tomatoes and onions (beware co-workers...it's a good thing I'm working at the drive through window today.....glass between me and my customers!) and putting minimal meat and cheese on top! I am quite satisfied, I got the taste of taco and I didn't blow my points!

My weight......dropped today from 186.6 to 185.4. I was expecting it. Yesterday I started drinking my water religiously again. And round about 4 PM, my body finally decided to get rid of the water that it was holding on to for emergencies sake. Yes, I used the bathroom literally every 15-30 minutes from 4PM until about 9PM. At that point it slowed down....but I still got up to go to the bathroom about 5 times throughout the night (I usually do not have to go at all in the night!) But it's good...my body is being flushed out! :-)Tonight I'll be on my own for dinner. I believe I can do well on my own. I'll eat mostly fruits and veggies, so no problem there.

Last minute update before bed!

lemon-strawberry-cup, originally uploaded by mfcstotler.

First of all.....that dessert is sooooo yummy! :-) (healthy too)

I just wanted to say that I made it through today. I ate healthy, I exercised and I was 100% with it. Taking it one day at a time, this was a successful day!

I'm actually even a bit excited about working the program again. I was feeling tenative about writing that...but I think that I needed to write it.

Thanks to everyone that has been there today while I did some soul-searching and self discovery!

Why?

Why did I start this journey? What motivated me to get my butt off the sofa and lose weight?



For this I will go back and retype soemthing that I wrote back before I even started this blog......



As the new year rolled around, I started looking deeply at my life. The year was 2003. I had just turned 30 years old and I was at my highest weight yet, all 330 pounds of me. I was experiencing weight related problems. Me knees were constantly hurting and making a lot of noise. There were nights when I couldn't sleep due to the pain in my knees. My stomach was starting to literally fal over the top of my pants so badly that my stomach was rubbing agaisnt the button of my pants. This led to a collection of sores and blood blisters on my protuding stomach. They would continue to rub and then bleed. FOr months I bandaged my stomach so that the raw skin wouldn't be irritated further. Bigger pants, the belly still overflowed.....it made no difference. I was noticing that I was panting and struggling when I climbed a set of stairs. All in all, my body was telling me that I was overweight and in dire straights. Uppermost in my mind though, was the fact that I had just turned 30.  I had always talked about having children. Turning 30 really hit me. When I was in my 20's I always thought, "Well, I"m overweight...but I've got youth on my side. But when I hit 30 I worried because I now had two distinct strikes against me. Both of these things would conspire to prevent me from conceiving and carrying a healthy child full term when that special time came in my life. I decided to lose weight.............
I did lose about 50 pounds at that point....and fell off the wagon. Thankfully I was able to maintain most of that weight loss until I got serious again, which was at the very beginning of 2006. Here is an excerpt from this blog from early 2006
Tuesday, January 10, 2006
Why is this so important now?
I have been overweight for years. I remember when I was young. I was not overweight. I was actually rather petite and small. My family moved from Pennyslvania to Florida when I was 12 years old. I wore a size 6...and I remember, I was so upset to go to that six. Suddenly; within the first year of moving, I gained weight. They said it was a combination of the 'culture shock' and me hitting those wonderful years that we all have to go through. However, my weight slowly crept up through high school. I went to college and it was probably one of the best times for my weight. I was always on the go.....for a while we exercised religiously at the "Y" (thanks Suzy and Rach....it was actually fun to go with ya'll) True, the Dairy Queen beckoned on the way back to the dorm...but I was so active that I was actually at one of my lowest weights in years. 214. I cringe when I see that......214 pounds was a good weight in my mind??? I left college and the weight started slowly creeping back on. I didn't work on it...I just let it happen. I had one time where I was close to my college weight...but it was due to a stressful job....NOT worth it. AND the downside.....when I left the job and the stress was alleviated....the weight returned with a vengence. When I say with a vengence, I not only returned me to my 'pre-stress job' weight...I added about 40 more pounds extra.I turned thirty and panicked! I wanted to have a baby someday. I had always had one 'strike' against me. I was big...it would make a full term/healthy pregnancy/baby more difficult. BUt I always had 'youth' on my side. All of a sudden I had that "I'm in my thirties, I'm getting old" moment. I started working on my weight...and got myself back down to my 240. I plataued....and I have sat at 240-250 for the last 2-3 years. During those last few years I've made half hearted attempts to kick start this process. However I just couldn't do it. Sadly enough, it is/was watching my mother struggle. She is a few years shy of 60 and she is struggling with her weight. It is terrible to see.....her health and her very life are contingent on her weight. I know that she has been lucky...it has only been in the last few years that these 'weight related' health issues have really surfaced. However, they are here and they are attacking! Typical mother, even as she struggles, she worries about my husband and I. She doesn't want us to go through what she is going through....and she knows it will most likely happen to us if we don't get this excess weight off.Just recently it hit me. This weight is going to kill me. Not tomorrow...or the next day (hopefully). But eventually, it could very easily catch me in it's clutches. I can't let that happen. I have to fight!For the last few years I have said..."well, if I get down to to 175 pounds I think that would be great". Just recently, I decided that was cutting myself short. Honestly, if I get there and just can't get it futher, I'm going to consider myself a sucess. However, I'm aiming more for what they "SAY" I should weigh....SO I am aiming for roughly 150... 100 pounds!
SO, where does that leave me? Todd and I still talk about having a family......even as we get older (I'll be 36 in a few short months). I still know that higher weight and poor habits could kill me. But I've eliminated a lot of the risks that higher weight brings for those issues. Now it is plain and simple something I have to do for me. Two seasons ago on the Biggest Loser Bob Harper (or was it three seasons? Oh whatever) the trainer was flabergasted because one of the pair of contestants gave up half way through a challenge and quit saying "we can't win, we'll be here forever" and they gave up. Bob's face was just absolutely shocked and his words stuck with me. They were, "why start something if you are not going to finish it". THAT is where I'm at....I started this journey, I need to finish it for me. That is the one and only reason! And it's the biggest reason a person could ever have. Honestly, this reason is probably more important that getting pregnant and having a baby or anything. I'm doing it for me!

Thoughts, plans, goals and a little soul-searching

Let me get the bad and the ugly with first and foremost. I weighed in this morning at 186.6. YIKES! That is abominable! Utterly disgusting and sickening! That is way up! Much more than I prefer....I'm in the danger zone. (anything outside of 5 pounds from my lowest weight is danger done!!!!)

So I started really thinking deeply about where I am, where I want to be, and what has brought me to this point (long term and this short term situation). I've come up with a couple things.

The first thing is excuses. I use them way too much. If I work outside hard I use it as an excuse, "ohhh I worked hard, that means that I can have a little extra food, even though it's over my daily points". I also use the excuse in the morning. I had been so diligent about exercising first thing in the morning. I've gotten out of that habit. My excuse? "Well, Todd and I are planning on working outside this afternoon when I get off of work, I don't want to over do it". That is an excuse. There is no guarantee that we will work outside, and many times something comes up so that we end up NOT working outside or going for that 'walk' or 'ride' or whatever. I need to simply get my butt moving, do the exercise in the morning and get it over with. If I'm LUCKY, those tentative plans to work outside (manual labor/activity) or a walk, or a ride will materialize and I'll get a double workout that day! Working out twice is NOT going to hurt me!

Secondly, when my daily points are gone, I am done! No ifs ands or buts. I realized a long time ago in this journey with Weight Watchers that unfortunately, my body does not lose weight if I eat those 35 flex points. It just doesn't happen. These last weeks, I've not been bad. I've gone over my daily points by 3-5 a day. That should be perfect.......it's the flex points that I have at my disposal....but I gain! I can not eat them. So I need to eradicate them from my mind. If I DO eat something after that point, it sure as heck better be a zero point food item! Basically, when my dailies are done...I'm done. Period, end of story!

Next, WATER WATER WATER! The last few days I've been TERRIBLE with water! One day last week (Thursday) I was actually thirsty and I couldn't drink enough water! That is not a good position to be in. They say that by the time that you are thirsty, that you are already dehydrated! I tried to drink a lot the next day....but I don't' think I made a dent in the dehydration (just from watching for and knowing what to expect when I do start drinking and when my body does seem to finally agree that I'm giving it enough water). So Friday I did fairly well......and then Saturday came. I don't think I even drank 10 ounces of water. I did drink a can of diet Sunkist and I had a diet Pepsi at dinner....oh and lets not forget the chai latte that I had! What is up with that? Those are TREATS......a treat that I give myself when I've finished my water for the day!!! That is a steadfast rule!!! Sunday I did a little better. I did pretty much get 64 ounces down.....but I'm still watching and waiting for my body to give me the sign that it trusts me to drink enough water......it hasn't happened yet. I'm floating on at least 5 days of dehydration......with one or two days of attempts to end that situation stuck in there. DRINK DRINK DRINK!

I guess when I look at it and if I'm honest with myself I can say that I'm tired. I get tired of being diligent. So I slip up...my weight goes up a bit, it scares me, so I am diligent and get it back down a bit. And then the cycle starts again. I was hoping that my wager with my friend would help.....in the first 4 days, I've gained about 4 pounds! Uhhh what's wrong with that picture???? It's not the weight watcher program that is not working. It's me. I'm not working the program. Weight watchers works! I know what to do. I know what needs to be done and I'm doing it.......somewhat half-heartedly. But to have weight watchers actually work, it takes more than knowing what to do. It takes actually DOING it! Yes, it's been a good thing to see my results from this last year...to realize that I am pretty much maintain my current weight loss. However, I'm tired of sitting on the fence! I've been sitting here way too long. I need to decide which way I'm going to go. Am I going to lose more, or am I done?

I do not want to be done......I just need to get my head totally back in the right place......100% of the time. OK, I'm human 95% of the time!

picking up the pieces...AGAIN

I did so dang good today. I kept my points under control. I ate dinner and I actually had 3 points leftover. NOT so after I had a banana with peanut butter and a sliver of the dessert that Todd made (basically pudding in a chocolate crust). ARRGGGHHH!!!!! I was so proud of myself and then I totally lost it! Where is my motivation? Where is my will power? No, better yet, what the heck am I thinking??????????????

Report from eating at a very tempting place

I didn't do too badly yesterday. We ate at really odd hours...which does kinda mess up the day. I had breakfast at a somewhat normal time. And at lunchtime I had a bowl of green beans and a granola bar. Damn, those things are like crack! We ate dinner at about 4:30...a bit early. We went to Hoss's. While we were there, I realized that why I actually liked Hoss's was for the bread bar and the dessert bar. Neither is fantastic...but they are OK in their own way. :-) Well, since I've been trying to watch, I try to stay away from those areas...but it's difficult and I often fail. Well, yesterday I was determined to not 'fail' in my attempt to eat healthy there. I chose not to order a meal. NOW, if I order I end up getting Chicken breast (usually BBQ'd) and steamed broccoli. But I decided that I didn't need the chicken....so I just got the bar. I didn't do tooooo badly. I got a huge salad......and I didn't put too much bad stuff on it...OK, just a little cheese and salad dressing but oh well. I did have about 3-5 spoon fulls of each type of soup that they had (broccoli cheese, potato and chicken noodle). and about two bites each of mac salad and potato salad. The dessert bar......I had some fat free/sugar free jello and some fat free/sugar free pudding (that was tasteless...let me tell you) and I did splurge and have a little rectangle of cake.....1 inch by 2 inches. Overall I feel as if I did well. So why do I feel so bloated and icky????

Well, the bad thing...my water consumption yesterday.....I'd say I'd be lucky if I got in 10 ounces of water! Heck, I probably didn't even drink that!

A work in progress

Work in progress, that's what I am!! I ate way too much and way to poorly last night! I know I know...I swore I was not going to. I can't even begin to describe my thought processes while I was indulging. On one hand I was disgusted with myself....on the other hand I was just blindly doing it (eating). It wasn't as if I actually came up with an excuse or anything (so I guess I did conquer that aspect from my last entry...haa haa haa) but I just ate. OH my word, I feel so bloated and icky this morning! Just plain fat! And you know what...that is the utterly crazy thing. When I was HUGE (lets face it 315 pounds was huge) I never felt 'fat'. I was fat, but I never felt it. Now that I've lost a ton of weight (well, maybe not a full ton, but 130 pounds give or take) when I indulge I feel bloated and icky. Isn't that ironic?
I'm off work this morning. A rare treat on a Saturday morning. I"m happy to say that I'm still lounging around the house in my nightgown. :-) I have always loved those days when I can do NOTHING and just read and relax and not even worry about those basic fundamental things like getting dressed! :-) So yes, even though I woke up at 5:30-6:00 AM, I came out to the living room, and curled up on the couch with my book. I finished that one (I was almost done). I tiptoed around and picked out another book to read....and I flew through that one also! I just finished that a bit ago. I got out my camera and I've played a bit, taking pictures of the cats. Desi poses for the camera. Ethel is way to interested in the camera...she wants to be sniffing it and 'helping' mommy take a picture. Lucy on the other hand HATES to have her picture taken. I can SOMETIMES snap off ONE picture before she glares at me and runs away! Jodi....well if the cat would move, she would probably take a great picture....because she doesn't care about anything....however she rarely moves (ok, she does move somewhat). I plan on relaxing a bit more.....maybe pull out a third book and read some more. But I do have to get a shower here before too long. I'm going into mom and dad's to see a friend and her husband that will be there. They are missionaries to the Philippines, teaching school in a mission school. Their departure to go back has been a bit delayed, but they ALMOST have their complete support from what dad told me last night. So anyway, Rachel is going to be there this afternoon. So I'm going to run up and see her. (she actually changed the time to coincide with a time that they knew that I Could make it). Hopefully she'll have her baby with her! It's so hard to believe that she has an 8 month old baby! I mean, I can remember it like yesterday when she was in 2nd and 3rd grade herself and I was babysitting her. Yeah, I think I should shower before I go up there! :-)

After I see Rachel for a bit, Todd and I are going to go out to eat, and then get groceries. Yep, real exciting day. I think I'm going to run into the camera shop and look for a new tripod for my camera. The one that I've been using I don't like. It's the one that we had purchased a while back for use with a different camera. There is nothing wrong with it......I just don't like it. So I'm going to see about getting a new one. :-)

Nothing else new to talk about.........so I think I'm going to head off to my next book!

Turn this around...no more excuses

Oh my word, I soooo can not be the one to GAIN weight during this challenge with my friend! I was up to 185 this morning! Ok, I actually just started to laugh in disbelief when I wrote that! I do think some of that may be water retention...I just literally could not get enough to drink yesterday. By about 3 in the afternoon, I had already drank a gallon of water....and I was still thirsty! They say that if you reach the point of being thirsty, that it's too late, you are dehyrated. My problem though...we worked outside yesterday (over two hours in the morning and aboutan hour or so in the evening)....and I kinda/sorta/maybe used that as an excuse to eat a little extra......5 points extra for the day. Yes, I journalled evey bite! But my new edict: No more eating extra! I have gathered my control about me and I'm not doing it again! I was exercising this morning (45 minutes on the exercise bike) and I was watching the biggest loser austrlian version season 2. The one guy was talking about a difference in him....how he used to wake up and his first thought was, "i want to stay in bed and sleep and not face the day" Well, I'll admit that I do have days like that....everyone does....but for the most part, I get up raring to go now....and I get up early. It used to be nothing for me to sleep until 9 or so...and be happy doing it. Now my body naturally wakes me up between 6 and 6:30. And yes, I go to bed at the same time! Crazy!

Either way...I'm through with the excuses! When my points are gone, I'm done! And that is a difficult statement to make today....we had a BIG breakfast! I'm eating only 4 points while I'm here at work (that's what I packed...that's what I'll eat....I have no problem sticking with that....). That will leave me 6 points for dinner. I can do manage that.....lots of zero pointers coming my way to help round out my meal!!! :-)

All I have to say is Julie (the friend that I have this wager/reward thing going with) ,watch your back...I'm going to stage a comeback! (even though I'm 2.2 pounds HIGHER than I was when we started a mere 2 days ago...all I can do is laugh)

I was super productive this morning. I woke up at my normal time. I immediately hopped onto the exercise bike and rode for 45 minutes. I had just finished that and had settled in at my comptuer to catch up on some emails when I heard Todd a stirring in the bedroom. I went and asked him when he would like breakfast (we had agreed last night that our big meal today would be breakfast). "NOW" was his answer. SO I went out to the kitchen. I made his coffee and went to get the bacon out of the fridge. Well, I saw how DIRTY and crudy the bottom of the fridge was. (I don't notice it as much when the fridge is full of food...but we are a bit bare right now...lol). SOOO I cleaned out the fridge! I cooked the bacon and then made us pancakes. (todd's with pecans...mine nutless) Yes, I thoroughly enjoyed the pancakes and bacon! I cleaned up the kitchen and washed the dishes. At that point I decided to do the last of the laundry. This really gets me...I've done 2 loads of laundry on Wednesday, 2 loads of laundry on Thursday and I did 2 more loads today! This is NUTTY! But when I think about it it does make sense. Already today I've worn a nightgown, workout clothes, shorts and teeshirt after my shower, and now I'm in my clothes for work! ANYWAY, two loads of laundry washed and hanging on the line. I created our menu for meals next week....and started the grocery list of the necessities to complete those meals and some other things that I know we need. I played around and took my picture for envisage365, packed my lunch and got ready for work and I still made it to work by 9:45 :-)

Todd informed that we need to pick green beans again. Don't know when exactly (either tonight or tomorrow) but that means I'll be canning green beans sometime really soon!

What will my punishment be????

tree-coming-down, originally uploaded by mfcstotler.

I did NOT exercise yesterday. Todd and I relaxed all afternoon and evening. Nope, I didn't do a single solitary thing other than make dinner. Well, I took a nap and I read a book! Does that count????

This moring, my weight was up to 183.2. 4/10ths up. I've been REALLY thirsty though.....don't know why. I've been drinking well over my normal amount of water. So that probably has a lot to do with that! And if not...no worries. Tis all good. :-)

This morning, I stumbled out of bed. I refused to look at the exercie bike....and didn't even look out onto the back porch to see my outdoor bike. I was NOT exercising. My heart just wasn't in it. I settled in at my computer for a relaxing morning. (I mean, hey, why not continue with the relaxation eh?) It wasn't more than 20 minutes until I heard Todd enter the kitchen. And I heard that voice that I love so much.... "Lets go out an work on some trees this morning". Well, who am I to say no. So out I went. We worked outside for about two and a hafl hours. The picture is of one of the trees as it came crashing down to the ground. For safeties sake, I always move way far out of the way when a big tree is coming down so I grabbed my camera and snapped the whole process. I have about 15 picsof it comign down...quite interesting. I may go onto photoshop soon and see what I can do with that! :-)

Todd and I may go outside tonight and work a bit more. Most of the trees that we are taking down in order to put up the sheds have been taken down. SO I think we are going to do prep work on the ground for the sheds tonight.....and then Saturday and Sunday (we are both off...woo hooo) we are going to put up at least one shed! YIPPEE!!!! My screened in porch will be cleared out of some of the storage stuff! I can't wait!!

Weigh in thoughts

My weight is down a bit more today. After reading other peoples responses and thoughts on the scales and weighing every day. I do agree that one can become obsessed with the scales. I think for me, I become even more crazy when I do not weigh myself every day. I stress more when I don't know! I understand that there are daily fluctuations and such, and I'm actually OK with that. (I get more frustrated because I'm the same weight that I was a year ago.......although as I've stated in previous posts, that is actually a very very good thing).

In talking to a friend today (another friend that is losing weight...not the one that I have the bet/wager with) we were talking about our daily weigh ins and the fluctuations. We are going to set goals for ourselves each week......send them to each other and on the 'goal day' we are going actually evaluate our weekly weights as a whole group instead of 7 individual days. This will also give her accountability as she no longer attends WW meetings. :-)

In other news, it's Wednesday...and here I sit at work. Someone is on vacation so my day off got cancelled. Oh well. Todd had some meetings in town this morning (I'm missing my first Wednesday of the month lunch out with mom). I get off at 3PM. The plan is to get out in the yard and work some more on taking down some trees and clearing some land. If Todd is not feeling up to it (he's got some kind of sinus issue...or ear issue....and no, he's refusing to go to the doctor) I'm going to go out and plot out our garden for next year. This year we left our garden at our old place.....we hope to have it at our new place next year. If I can, I'll start digging and getting the ground ready very soon! That way come spring I'll just have to pull back the straw, it will already have been composted (I'll do that this fall), and I'll just have to do some light tilling and she'll be ready to plant. So that is my exercise for the day!

Catch up!

Oh wow! I could have sworn I wrote something in here yesterday! Man, just goes to show you what a little time off of work does to a girl!

Yes, I had off from work yesterday as it was labor day. I actually started my day by heading up to my parents house and mowing their three properties. I beat it home and spent some time doing some things around the house (vacuuming, cleaning, mopping, two loads of laundry on the line, etc etc etc). And then I set up a table next to my desk so that I can work on some scrapbook pages. I'm so utterly far behind and I know me...if I don't have a place set up to work regularly, I'll just keep piling up and every once in a while pull everything out and rush through some pages...and I don't like the results! So I set up a scrapbook area next to my desk. It makes my 'office space' a bit cramped...but I"m actually really happy with it! I'm actually tickled because I know that I am happiest...(I have some type of inner peace or something ) when I"m allowing my creative self to flow. :-)

I scrapbooked most of the afternoon and made dinner (one of those dinners that you have to start 3 hours before it's time to eat...but ohhh so yummy). After dinner Todd and I went back into the yard to work some more....I think this past weekend we took down a total of 6 trees!

My weight. Yesterday morning, after all of that manual labor, I was exactly the same weight! This morning I was 183.2 pounds. Who knows what tomorrow will bring. Not overly worried about it. (actually I expect up a bit).

Well, I have a friend that is hoping to lose 10 pounds by early October. That is gonna be a tall order...but with persistence she can do it. BUT the problem..she like me is kinda stuck in a rut. We are both sitting at roughly the same weight....we try and it doesn't move so we get discouraged and eat. SO after she told me about her self goal, I started thinking. Hmmmm could we make it a competition???? SO I emailed her.......we've agreed......whoever loses the most weight by October 6th is the winner....the loser will fork over $20. Not a lot...but hopefully some friendly competition will spark us to try our hardest!

Lets see........anything else????? Nope!

Sunny Sunday

Surprisingly my weight stayed the same....well almost (2/10ths of a pound up) from yesterdays weight. I KNOW that it was salt. I had lots of salty foods yesterday. But that's not why I'm shocked. You see, I kinda had a problem with the fruit dip that I made yesterday when I got home from the grocery store. I uhhhhh....ate the whole batch in one sitting. Yep....the whole darn batch.

Today, I've gone over my points. I've eaten mostly fruits and veggies though. :-) Not to mention that I worked outside, hard manual labor for 6 hours today. So I'm sure I"ll be OK today. The worst that today may bring me is some water weight. Although I did drink and drink and drink all throughout the day. :-)

Not much new to report. I FINALLY for the first time since March was able to say that I was caught up with all the chipping and shredding (using the wood chipper, making mulch). But, as soon as I turned it off, Todd asked me to help him....and we took down about 3 more trees....I organized the limbs and cut wood into two piles. Firewood pile and a pile to be chipped. (We don't have a fireplace so it's not like we need tons of firewood). I won't be able to start chipping that pile for at least 2-4 weeks. IT chips better if it's dry. I got a bit of sunburn on my shoulders today as I as wearing a tank top. Lets see...I got pretty much caught up on laundry. Tomorrow I"ll do towels and sheets...but for the most part I'm caught up. :-)

Tonight I'm just hanging out, Todd and I just finished watching a movie that we had started last night (that I fell asleep on). I"m just playing on photo shop, messin' with some pictures. Just playin'!

Sunless Saturday

The sun is not shining this morning. It's a pretty dreary day. Oh well. I wasn't planning on many (any) outside activities anway. It's a normal Saturday. Work until noon, go home and eat lunch and then head to town for the normal errends. Today I just have to go to Target and the grocery store. WOO HOOO. :-)

My weight dropped again this morning.....down to 183.6. That's 1.4 pounds down from yesterday and 3.8 from two days ago. Who knows what's happening. But hey, it's going down! Tha's all that matters!

thoughts on my current status

Is it even physically possibe for someone to lose 2.2 pounds in one day? That's what I did. Who knows....who cares. I'm just going to continue 'working the program' an whatever happens happens. I worked so hard to make lifetime (just got it a few weeks ago..thanks to a doctors note) and now I'm stressed about keeping it. It's not worth it. If this is my bodies sweet spot, the weight that is 'perfect' or my body, then it's ok. I'll just bow out of going to the meetings. It truely isn't worth being stressed over, constantly wondering if I'm going to be 'under that mark' and worried about it. It's ok. I know the program. I can do continue this on my own. That said, am I giving up? NO, I'm still going to try to get my weight to shift downward. Optimally, I would LOVE to continue going to the meetings. And I can look at my body and see that there is more work to be done. But if this is where God wants me...then I'll stay here....and even if I don't atttend the meetings (due to my 'sweet spot' weight being right on the line of where I can be to maintain my lifetime status) then I'll be forever grateful for weight watchers for helping guide me in the correct direction and giving me the tools to continue this for the rest of my life.

I've been at this weight for just about a year now. It's really frustrating. For most of that time, I've exercised religiously, 6 days a week. (there have weeks here and there that have seen me fall off the exercise band-wagon, but never for long...and few and far between). I've made healthy choices with my food. (yeah, this is a lifestyle, I've splurged here and there also). But lets look at this in a healthy light. I've kept a whole lot of weight off for a YEAR. I didn't balloon back up 30 pounds and then lose it to get back to where I am now. I've kept each and every pound off. Well, within my preset 5 pound allotment. (I decided a while ago that I would be ok with my weight flucuating up 5 pounds from my lowest). I've only gone over that 5 pound flex allotment 2 or three times. Once was last year at christmas...it was a week of christmas parties coupled with a a surprise birthday party for me...oh and a mini vacation the same week. And then this week I'm over my 5 pound allotment. How far over......maybe 2 pounds. Nothing major. Just enough to freak me out! If I look at this realistically, I've managed something that many people can not do. I've not only lost 130 pounds...I've kept it off for a year! (135 if you take the low end of my five pound radius). The longer I can keep it off, the better my odds for doing it for a lifetime. How can I not be totally excited about this!

Not much new in normal 'life' stuff. Things are still backwards crazy for me. Life will just not let up. But all I can do is keep going full steam ahead and hope that someday (soon preferably) that things right themselves!

Kick in the butt

I woke up this morning to hear the rain pitter patter on the roof. The rain has finally arrived. They say that it's supposed to rain straight for the next 3 or 4 days. I actually don't mind the rain, there is something about a rainy day that is good.

I went out to the living room and started messing around on my computer. I just switched my adobe photo shop program (from one adobe photo shop to another) so that I can utilize the organize/catalogue feature. I'm pretty excited about this as organizing my pics has been something that I've wanted to do for quite some time. But I digress. I sat out there trying to talk myself into getting up and getting on the exercise bike. It just wasn't happening. Todd came out and he mentioned going to the gym. I think he picked up on my lack of motivation, it would have been hard to miss. When he suggested moving the canning shelf into the house (he painted it out on the screened in porch yesterday) I jumped at that! ANYTHING to avoid the gym. Well, whatdya know...the paint was still wet. SHUCKS. SOOOO off we went to the gym. I exercised for 60 minutes at a pretty high intensity. Yeah yeah yeah....felt good.

My weight...up 2/10ths of a pound. Now there is absolutely NO reason on earth why I would be up today! This is just absolutely crazy! Meanwhile, I sit here just feeling bloated and miserable. Yeah, I feel bloated and icky. There is no easy reason why I would be retaining water. I've been drinking my water. It's not that time of the month, I haven't eaten super high sodium foods. It just makes absolutely no sense. *Edit* I just had a new thought in the past I've eaten and I feel no effects of being 'bigger'.......but oh my word, I feel so 'fat' and bloated. Is my body finally willing to tell me when I've gained a little??? Is my body finally willing to say "stop"?????

Other than that, not much new happening here. Oh yeah, I joined in on a project....to take one picture a day of anything I want (something that defines my life, my day, my emotions...) for a year. Should be an interesting montage when it's done.

***I went ahead and went to the meeting. I liked the leader. She was upbeat and very willing to talk about her vices. It was obvious that she understands the struggles that occur in a long haul of weight loss. That is important to me. It was a fairly large group of attendees also. I guess I would estimate that there was about 20 people (remember, my meeting was just cancelled because it died away to pretty much no one). They were all talking amongst themselves pretty well. Seemed a bit cliquish but I"m sure that is just because I was on the outside looking in. I think I would be OK at that meeting. :-)

***I didn't get any exercise in today. Well, I did work in the kitchen for hours on end. I canned a bushel of pears and a half bushel of peaches. Does that count?

***My weight. I am really stumped. My weight has gone up again. There is absolutely no logic behind my weight! I''m way way way up! Devastatingly up! As in 187 pounds. I"m up like 5 pounds in the last few days! WHAT in the world??????????

***Life continues to scream obscenities at me. Just getting tired of it all......but I see no end in sight to the issues.

Should I????

My weight is up. What more can I say?

I'm just having a really rough couple days. Something came up, a personal issue that will remain un-talked about in this blog/journal. But this issue just hit me super hard. I feel as if the rug has been yanked out from under me. I just want to curl up in a ball and let the world pass me by for a bit while I recover. Unfortunately, that isn't the way that life works. I forced myself to be super productive this morning. I did two huge loads of laundry and have them out of the line, I prepared banana slices for dehydrating (they are dehydrating as we speak), I made banana muffins (no fear, I put pecans in them....I don't like nuts so no temptation there). I made a full breakfast for my honey. We went for a walk. I cleaned and vacuumed the house. I also made it to work on time at noon. And here I sit. Work is VERY slow today....I'm trying to stay busy so that I do not dwell on this issue. That's easier said than done.

Meanwhile, I'm really debating....do I try another weight watcher meeting tonight? Is it even worth my time with the way that I'm feeling? After the fiasco of a meeting that I went to last week I'm actually sorta dreading going to another meeting. (nope, not going back to the one from last week). I know that I sooo need to go to a meeting. I need to find a meeting that I can call my own and feel a part of. I need to get myself back under control. But to go when I just feel like crying??????

sympathy for those struggling with addictions

Wow, I must have been a heck of a lot more tired last night than I thought. I was at my computer and I had actually composed (in my head) what I wanted to write about on here. And this morning it hit me when I sat down here at my computer at work......"I can't remember actually writing/typing my entry." I literally had to go look at my blog to see if I had written and entry yesterday. NOPE! Dang, I'm losing my mind! Well, upon further thought....it's already gone!

My weight...still holding steady. I am however at the top of my 5 pound range that I seem to stay within. So I have to be really careful! I am actually somewhat amazed that I'm holding steady. My eating of late has not been all that great. Ohhh it hasn't been terrible, but I've not been eating as healthy and as on point as I could be eating. I've been exercising, and I use that as my 'excuse' as to why I'm eating more. I say things like, "well, I'm eating this extra such and such, but I exercised today so it is a wash when it comes down to it." Well, my eyes were just opened by a somewhat innocent remark from a friend. If I want to lose the weight, I need to stop doing that. Exercise is NOT an excuse to eat more. Not while I'm trying to continue to lose weight. Yeah, I know that some days when I have a killer workout, that I may actually end up eating a bit more, my body will need it. BUT not on a consistent basis. For a while I would eat something and automatically calculate exactly how much exercise I would have to do in order to work off what I was eating. I did this especially with some of those 'special foods' or anytime I went above and beyond the planned intake of food. I need to get back to that. Because let me tell you, when I would realize that I'd have to ride my bike for such and such time, or walk for umpteen hours, or whatever.....the food just didn't seem worth it anymore!

Yesterday, I was very active. We got up and did the whole gym thing. However when that was over we went to Williamsport. This past weekend was the annual Canal Days there. Now Williamsport isn't a huge thriving metropolis or anything...but we parked in the middle of Williamsport and walked down to the basin (on the canal). We walked around down there a bit before getting ready to head up to the park at the other end of the town. We actually were going to pay the $1 a piece and ride on the trolley up to the park (they had a trolley running back and forth all day). We waited for the trolley, but when it came, it was full of people and there was no room. SOOOO we decided to use shoe leather express. We talked about it...and how we should have opted to walk in the first place. So we got to the park and did the whole circuit around the park. We stopped to talk to some people that we knew but we were on our feet the whole time. :-) Not to mention some shopping.....and the grocery store(and putting it all away, cleaning and preparing the fruits and veggies....and dishing out the ice cream into individual containers and all the prep work I did on the food when I got it home!)

While we were out in our travels yesterday, I saw a sale on bathing suits. Now I have a bathing suit.....but uhhhh it's a size 24. Teee hee hee. I used that one last year. I don't have a place to swim regularly...so this is pretty much really only at a hotel when Todd and I are travelling or something, and it's more a relaxing swim and sit in the hot tub, so I've just held onto the suit with one hand and gone with the flow. BUT, this sale.......they didn't have many options for me....but $8 bucks for a suit that normally cost $40 or $50 (these are suits that I've looked at all summer because $40-50 is still a good deal in it's own right). I couldn't pass it up. The problem you may be asking???? Well, they didn't have my size...yeah yeah yeah, like I even know what size I would wear. OK seriously, I'm wearing most size 12 stuff. They only had the suit in size 8. I bought it. I told Todd..."if I never wear it, then someone at goodwill will have a brand new suit...and we will have just made someone very happy" Well, I brought it home and just for a laugh I tried it on. I know that bathing suits have a little leeway for sizes. Yeah, the suit is tight...but if I had to wear it tomorrow..I could. Crazy crazy crazy....does this mean that I may actually get down to a size 8??????? Even if it is just a bathing suit???????

We have a family member that has a drug and alcohol problem (on my husbands side of the family). He's been totally sober for the last few years....living in a 'safe' setting. He moved away from that setting on TUESDAY into a place of his own. But just on Saturday night he went off on a binge...called us all drunk (and yesterday also). In the past I had no sympathy for him when I heard about it. But you know what.....having come to grips with my own addiction and how much of a pull it has on me.....I actually really feel bad for him. Yes, he is in control of his own destiny and I do not condone it at all...but how many times to I fail with my own addiction to food? Over and over and over. Yeah, I have to confront my addiction numerous times each day and an alcoholic can take steps to avoid the temptation totally....but when I fail, it's not life threatening (generally speaking) ..it means I gain a few pounds. I just actually could really empathize with his situation, even while we were telling him on the phone that if he doesn't get himself straightened out, our support that we give him will end immediately. But it was just really interesting to view it from the perspective of having now freely admitting that I have an addiction also.

Woke up early this morning and rode the bike for 45 minutes. My calves are sore now. I guess it's a combination of yesterday and today's exercise. Who knows!

I'm determined to stay 100% on this plan today!!!! No ifs ands or buts!

Green beans in my future

Well, yesterday while healthy food options for the most part, I did manage to eat too much at that darn potluck. I did have a sliver of cake and about 20 regular chips and then about 3 or for teaspoons full of chicken salad. The fruit dip that I partook was fat free (made by yours truly) so that wasn't bad. I did have a bit of veggie dip...which I'm sure was NOT fat free or even low fat though. :-( I just felt terribly bloated after this. On mostly fruits and veggies. Crazy!

I woke up this morning at around 3 or 4. I really struggled with getting back to sleep. I don't know why. Finally at 5:30 or so I gave up and got ready for work (nope, didn't have to be here until 8). The question of the hour....why in the heck didn't I exericise this morning? I really should have. Yeah, I'll be in the kitchen most of the afternoon and evening working on canning green beans, so I'll at least be moving...but really, I should have exercised! Mental lapse or something.


Nope, didn't weigh myself either! I can at least say that I did NOT binge or overeat this morning! I had toast for breakfast....yeah yeah yeah...maybe not totally the low carb, bread/pasta limiting plan I set out to do this week...but hey, what's a girl to do?

Postive influence

Have I managed to positively influence my co-workers? We are having a birthday party celebration today. I had talked them into doing fruit and veggies. I brought some healthy fruit dips and such and then everyone brought in fruit and veggies (and another gal brought in the veggie dip). We did have one gal bring in a cake...NOT a huge sheet cake (over kill for an office where we only have 6 workers....and that's what we used to get..yikes...we had cake coming out of our ears) but a normal 9 inch cake! When I came in I did notice that there were some 'non-healthy' things there....chips had managed to make it to the table...and who knows what else. But you know what.......it's better than previous potlucks! WHEW! I can actually eat at this one!!!!

My weight, down a hair this morning....still up...but going back down...and I'm at the top end of that 5 pound range that my body seems to like......so I'm glad to be going back down!

Nothing much else to say. I think I have to do more green beans this weekend. Who knows what else!

binge

Ok, so I binged last night on my eating. What's up with me? Why did I want to continue to eat after dinner? Ok, wrong question...not why did I want to. I know that answer. I wanted to because I'm totally addicted to food. The question is....why did I give in to my desire? Lets see.....a peanut butter and jelly sandwich, about 1 serving of baked tortilla chips, a weight watcher sunday bar, some pickles....hmmm I'm thinking I missed something.....but you get the point! I ATE! I probably had the points for one thing (the sundae cup) . OH yes....not one but TWO 100 calorie packs also went down the hatch last night!

Ok, does it help to know that the 100 cal packs that I dove into last night are GONE GONE GONE! No temptation left there! I guess that's a good thing! (and in case you want to know...it was the chocolate covered pretzel 100 cal packs.....bad bad bad thing to have in the house!)

Yes, I exercised this morning. At least there is something positive!

Thinking that a negative may actually be very positive

My weight...up and down. Today I'm retaining some water (I would wager a wild bet that I am at least).

I get frustrated about my weight loss...or lack thereof. But in reality, I guess I should be tickled pink...because my body is holding steady at this weight...pretty much within the same 5 pound range since last November. I've been holding this weight for almost a year. That is actually a positive...and a HUGE victory in itself....how many people can lose 130 pounds and maintain for a year? Yeah, I've been trying to lose (I'll admit that some weeks it's been a half hearted attempt)...but maybe for the long term benefit, this will be best. They say slow and steady is the best and will give the best long term results! Who knows!

I was talking to a friend just recently.....one that had lost a good deal of weight...but quickly. Started looking through some pictures of her (on her website). Oh my word, she's gaining it back AND fast! BUT good news on the friend front. My friend that lost a lot of weight...ordered her wedding dress and then gained weight and couldn't fit into the dress........she can now wear the dress again. (with less than 1.5 months before the wedding, she fits back into her dress!) Congrats to her! But you know what...these stories and discoveries.....my my my...just a reminder to me about how quickly it can all be gained right back AND how thankful I am that I've been able to maintain my current loss for so long!

I tried a new weight watcher meeting last night. They closed the meeting that I was attending, and to be honest, I wasn't at all pleased with the leader there anyway. I was excited about this new meeting. It was the perfect timing for me...and the perfect place...only about 6 miles from my house!

The meeting...oh my word. TERRIBLE! The people didn't talk amongst each other. Which is something that is really a big motivational tool for me. I like the interaction of the members. That is where some of the best motivation and ideas and support comes from. I sat down and the room was QUIET as we waited for the meeting to start. THEN, the leader started. And somehow she was talking about the healthy guidelines. Now as you know, these guidelines are not just pulled out of the sky by weight watchers. They are actually the basic guidelines of eating that is recommended by nutritionists. Well..this leader started talking and to paraphrase told us that to lose weight we really need to only focus on getting in the healthy oils and the water consumption. She went on to say that yeah, they say to eat 5 fruits and veggies a day, but that's pretty much ridiculous and near impossible! WHAT???? Come on now...on an average I eat about 7 a day! By the time I'm done with lunch today I'll already have 5 down the hatch...and I'll add more with dinner! So she thinks she can just throw out the healthy guidelines that she has problems with? I would have been OK if she would have said, "I struggle with my fruits and veggies...but I'm anal about getting in my water and my oil' or something like that. She also conducted the meeting and herself in that her way was the ONLY way to do this. Rubbed me wrong. I've been doing this long enough to know that there are tons of different ways to complete this journey...and not only that..but as I journey down this path, I have to change the way I do it periodically as my body changes and adjusts! Ohhh yeah, and she didn't even do a celebration period. Not that I had anything to celebrate (I didn't weigh in)...but I get motivated when I hear of other people succeeding!!!!

So next week (Tuesday night meeting also) I'm going to swing to another place for a 7PM meeting. I was actually so disappointed with the meeting that I would have gone to the this other meeting last night if the meeting that I attended would have ended 15 minutes early, giving me the time to drive to that meeting! I'm really really really hoping that this next weeks meeting is a good one. Because if not, I'll be forced to jump from meeting to meeting depending on my schedule for the week. (My schedule changes weekly). And I really do not want to do that as I thrive on the interaction that I have received from my co-meeting attendees.

I hope you are doing GREAT!

Tuesday Tiredness

Ackkk I didn't have time this morning to try to upload the pictures...oh well. Maybe tonight! :-)

Why didn't I have the time this morning to upload a few measly pictures? Well, I actually didn't wake up until just before 8AM. Last night we stayed up late watching the Olympics. Upon getting up we got our breakfasts ready and eaten and then we headed to the gym. I worked myself out pretty hard. I only did cardiovascular today. I really need to get myself back into the strength training stuff. It's been over a week since I did any strength training. NOT good. I can usually stay pretty motivated with the cardio stuff...but for some reason strength training seems to fall by the wayside way too often! What's up with that? But anyway, I got a good hour of high intensity exercise in!

My weight. Well, I knew yesterday that I wasn't drinking enough water. I knew when I went to bed. I knew when I woke up. (my ring was tight....retaining water). So when I stepped onto the scale and saw 1 pound up from where I was yesterday I was not shocked!

I enjoyed my 'free' day of not counting yesterday. I can look back and see that other than the dessert, I was probably not too far over my points. But you know what...I'm not going to officially go back and count. Tis not worth it! (and even the dessert was split in half with my husband!) I'm remembering back to when I first really started to lose weight. I gave myself 'free days'. And upon looking back I realized that when I say free, I didn't give myself permission to eat like a starving pig or to only eat junk food. I gave myself a day of freedom from being really strict with what I was eating. I gave myself the freedom of actually trying to make sure that what i was eating was doable within the budget. I still chose wisely..I just didn't worry about it as much. And you know what...it worked for me. I stopped doing it for whatever now unknown reason....so I've decided to pick it back up! Just to see if it works for me. Who knows if it will..but I think it's worth a try!

Other than that, I'm tired. I just feel sluggish. What's wrong with this picture???

Epiphany, history, wine and a total bust!

Today Todd and I were both off of work. We decided to head north to Bedford County PA and beyond. While on the interstate I had an Epiphany. Let me preface this by saying that I've never been a huge meat eater. I know that I went through a stage when I was around 10 (this stage lasted a few years) where I ate very minimal meat. Today, on the interstate I looked over at the other lane and saw a trailer with a few cows in it. They were serenely looking out the window. Their chocolate brown eyes were so calm and it just hit me that they were heading to their death....for someone like me to eat! And All of a sudden I knew that I didn't want to eat beef anytime soon. I don't know what it is that caused this feeling. I'll also be the first to admit that I have no bad thoughts about eating chicken (I even saw chickens running around today...and they didn't bother me). I know that this makes no sense...I all of a sudden just can't bear to eat beef but I"m ok with other animals? Sooooo that was my epiphany. I've actually already figured out what I'm going to do for the few meals on the menu that are beef based for this week. Who knows what this epiphany will bring, or even how long this will last...but it has just been really stuck in my head all day!

We spend the morning at Old Bedford Village. This is a place that I had visited as a young girl and I know that it had a profound impact upon me and my eventual love of history. SO I was excited to go. We walked around and enjoyed all the aspects of history that was displayed throughout the village. (ok, I'm royally bothered, blogger.com will not let me load my pictures due to an 'internal error' blah blah blah! I'll post the pics tomorrow)

After the morning at the village, we ate lunch at a really cool old Tavern. Jean Bonnet Tavern, which is right on Route 30. The food was excellent and the building was really neat. From there we went to Helixville Winery, where we were able to sample some wines that were made on the premises (and bought some to boot). We left there and headed to the highly touted Gravity Hill. Uhhhhh what a bust! It gave me no illusion of being gravity defying....but to each his own!


The last thing we did before heading home was to go visit the Flight 93 memorial (temporary) in Shanksville, PA. It was sobering to visit this memorial and to remember the terror that we felt during those awful hours on 9-11. The picture on the left is the wall of things that people have recently brought and left. They leave them up temporarily and then they take them down, clean them up and catalogue them. The guide told us that they have more than 30,000 items that have been left in memory. They hope to use some in the permanent memorial that they are currently planning and raising money to build. The picture on the left shows the field in which the plane came down. (the only pictures it would let me post today were these. I guess that is actually a good thing...because these pictures are much more serious than any of my other silly pictures!)

All in all, it was a full day by the time you added the travel time into the mix. BUt it was well worth it to get away!!!!!

*Todd and I went for a hike this morning. It was nice to get out on a nice cool morning. Afterward we went to an outdoor fleamarket and walked some more. That was a good thing. I found a bunch of new bottles for my collection! SO I"m all excited about that!

*I push mowed my parents properties today. SO there was about an hour of walking and pushing the mower. I uhhh, had some problems. I mowed over a flower bed and took down a tree that dad planted this summer (hey, next time weed it so I can see that it's a flower bed!) And well.....the front garden hose....I uhhh...kinda ran over it with the mower.

*Mom and I went to the mall. I bought some shoes to match my vintage dress (yeah yeah yeah, the one I can't fit into yet) and I got some free panties from Victoria's Secret. Oh yeah, and a new bra. W e went back to mom and dad's place and I fell asleep and slept for about 3 hours. (Yep, great visit with my mom...lol...but as mom said, it's what I must have needed...don't you love mommies!)

*My weight dropped again today. What??? I have no clue why! IN fact, the monthly ick hit today.....my weight normally is up on a day like this. SO I have no clue. I've binged a bit tonight though, so I don't know. I just couldn't stop eating! I have stopped now...but only because my stomach is like STUFFED!

*I"m off tomorrow. Todd and I are thinking about going up to Old Beford Village in PA. I went there when I was a kid.....and I fell in love with history..and I can credit some of that falling in love to Old Bedford Village. SO I"m excited to go tomorrow. I told dad though....I'll probably be so disappointed...and my childhood memory will be a bust! LOL Todd wants to go to Shanksville since we will be in that general area (about 30-40 miles away). Who knows what else we'll find to get into!

More of the same

I wasn't going to do it, but I couldn't resist. This morning the scales showed me 'down' to 181.6. so the up part of this weekly flucuation is over and I'm going back down. What a ride!

I rode the bike this morning.....about 45 minutes of a ride. My legs are finally recovering from my marathon canning and harvesting session on Wednesday. Just in time to do it all again! Yep, there are about 2 more beds that need picked and preserved! Meanwhile, I'm seriously contemplating doing some more dehydrating/drying of produce. I LOVE dried apples. SO I'm thinking I may pick up some at the orchard very soon and dry some! 1 apple slice (no sugar added) can NOT be many calaries or points!

Today is grocery day in our household. I spent some time in the early part of the week updating and re-organizing my coupon book. Then yesterday morning I created the menu of meals for this week. Last night I created a grocery list for those meals. Todd gave me his list of wants. And today while here at work I'll just scan through the coupons to see what I have that matches the list. I'll also look through the grocery sale flyer to match up any great deals with great coupons. :-) So after work, I'll go home, grab lunch and then head off to town to the grocery shopping.

the plan

I'm just going to cut to the chase today. Stepped on the scales....182.6. Yep, that is up 4.2 pounds from the last I stepped onto the scales...TWO DAYS ago! I'm disgusted...but I knew it would be up before I stepped onto the scales. My rings are super tight denoting some bloating/water retention. 4 pounds of it....probably not...but that's the way the cookie crumbles.

Meanwhile, I'm kicking into high gear my carb down plan. I admit that I'm a carb-a-holic. I love bread and pasta! And I have known for some time that I have to limit my intake. Well...I can honestly say that I've allowed extra to creep back into my diet. SO I'm trying to focus on allowing myself a carb (bread or pasta....I'm not counting the natural carbs from fruits and veggies) once a day. So tonight is pasta....so I didn't have oatmeal or toast for breakfast. I did not include a sandwich in the lunch I packed. For breakfast I had scrambled eggs and a sliced apple. Lunch was a salad, green beans (surprise eh), and applesauce. Tonight is pasta. YUMMY! We'll see how that works. Hopefully the combination of dropping some un-needed carbs AND switching up what I'm eating will knock me out of the ballpark with weight loss!

Sometimes, I kick myself for weighing everyday. I wonder why I do it. I mean, do I really need to know each day? Well yeah. because what happens if I have a stellar week...but then boom, i start to retain water the day of my weekly weigh in! Too bad..... AND, I know me...if I don't weigh myself, I tend to worry about what my weight is endlessly!! But I only weigh Once a day. I am not one of these scale addicted people. Once a day for me!

Still bummed about the going on's in my world. But moving and poking along this course of life.

Shocker-oooo

Well, I was up on the scales. On Tuesday I was up even more. I watched my points...but still had dinner with my family at my parents house....I stayed CLOSE to my points....going over by maybe 3 points for the day. But then I came home and just went on a total binge. I had a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. I had tortilla chips (baked!). I scarfed down not one but two weight watcher cookies. Ohhh and the last 5 or 6 or six of those zero point cookies...down the hatch. Yeah.....those zero point cookies are only zero points if you eat only 2! If you eat three...it's 1 point! I do believe I may have eaten something else...I must be repressing it from my memory! I was cognizant of what I was doing. It wasn't an uncontrolled binge...I just decided to do it...and say heck with my weight for a day...and then pick up the pieces the next morning. SO that's what I did. I had no plans to weigh myself on Wednesday morning. I mean...come on now, I was 181.8 on Tuesday morning...an I binged on Tuesday night. But, old habits die hard. I decided to step on to get a true reading of where I was and what mess I had to dig myself out of. I stepped on. Heck!!!! I jumped off and re did it. I weighed myself 5 times. Exactly the same each time! 178.4. There was a WW meeting shortly thereafter (like 40 minutes after I saw my weight)...I rushed up there...my paperwork has been processed. I'm officially a lifetime member! Wednesday eating though......well, I'll get to that later!
.

This is a picture that was snapped of Todd and I at Idlewild park last week. (ok, ok ok...so that was a week ago today. I've been meaning to put it on her since then...but I just kept getting sidetracked). Why am I putting this on here? Well, because I saw it and was shocked at my face! It's like soooo thin!

On Tuesday night I was at the city park with my brothers family and his kids. I was at the jungle gym with my niece. My dad decided to join us and he told my mom later ...crying...that he totally didn't recognize me. Hmmmmm.....




After the weight watcher meeting I rushed back to the business...where we have scads of green beans planted. It was a green bean harvest day. I (ok...Todd and I) picked green beans for about 3-4 hours. We picked about 3 bushels of green beans (below is pictured about 2.5 bushels of green beans....I gave a 1/2 bushel to my mom).




So you can imagine how I spent my Wednesday. CANNING GREEN BEANS! 127 jars later and I was finished. From start to finish (including picking time) I spent well over 19 hours working..and on my feet the whole time. I sat down twice...once to eat lunch and once to eat dinner...probably 5-10 minutes each time) Nope, I didn't get exercise in yesterday. Does it matter though? My body is more sore than it would be had I made it to the gym. (picking is a matter of squatting and lunging and bending....for hours on end; canning is moving heavy canners full of jars and water....pressure canners....lugging around bushels of beans, etc etc etc). Today I'm just plain exhausted. I got VERY little sleep last night. Lets just say I went to bed just a little before sunrise. And here I am at work....bright eyed and bushy tailed!

Eating yesterday. Well, I rushed out of the house so quickly to get my official weigh in completed that I didn't eat breakfast. I grabbed a fiber Wasa bar that I ate on the way to the garden. Zero points. Todd picked us up subs for lunch. So I had a half of Italian sub with a bag of sun chips and a Diet Pepsi. And then for dinner Todd ran out and got a pizza. SO I had half of a large pizza. (thin crust). And then at about midnight I nibbled on a weight watcher cookie. With the amount of movement and activity that I did yesterday, I'm thinking that the poor food choices will not derail me too far. BUT, the sodium will get me. Oh yeah.....When Todd came back with dinner he brought me a 2 liter of diet Sunkist. YEP, by the time I finally went to bed, I had downed 2 liters of diet soda. That on top of the 32 ounce diet Pepsi I had earlier. (Diet soda has sodium!) YIKES! This from a girl that very rarely even drinks one can!!!

Today I'm all set to be totally on target with my eating. It's all planned out! Exercise will be the problem today. I'm exhausted....from not getting sleep AND muscle wise. No worries though...it's all good.