Monday, September 08, 2008

Thoughts, plans, goals and a little soul-searching

Let me get the bad and the ugly with first and foremost. I weighed in this morning at 186.6. YIKES! That is abominable! Utterly disgusting and sickening! That is way up! Much more than I prefer....I'm in the danger zone. (anything outside of 5 pounds from my lowest weight is danger done!!!!)

So I started really thinking deeply about where I am, where I want to be, and what has brought me to this point (long term and this short term situation). I've come up with a couple things.

The first thing is excuses. I use them way too much. If I work outside hard I use it as an excuse, "ohhh I worked hard, that means that I can have a little extra food, even though it's over my daily points". I also use the excuse in the morning. I had been so diligent about exercising first thing in the morning. I've gotten out of that habit. My excuse? "Well, Todd and I are planning on working outside this afternoon when I get off of work, I don't want to over do it". That is an excuse. There is no guarantee that we will work outside, and many times something comes up so that we end up NOT working outside or going for that 'walk' or 'ride' or whatever. I need to simply get my butt moving, do the exercise in the morning and get it over with. If I'm LUCKY, those tentative plans to work outside (manual labor/activity) or a walk, or a ride will materialize and I'll get a double workout that day! Working out twice is NOT going to hurt me!

Secondly, when my daily points are gone, I am done! No ifs ands or buts. I realized a long time ago in this journey with Weight Watchers that unfortunately, my body does not lose weight if I eat those 35 flex points. It just doesn't happen. These last weeks, I've not been bad. I've gone over my daily points by 3-5 a day. That should be's the flex points that I have at my disposal....but I gain! I can not eat them. So I need to eradicate them from my mind. If I DO eat something after that point, it sure as heck better be a zero point food item! Basically, when my dailies are done...I'm done. Period, end of story!

Next, WATER WATER WATER! The last few days I've been TERRIBLE with water! One day last week (Thursday) I was actually thirsty and I couldn't drink enough water! That is not a good position to be in. They say that by the time that you are thirsty, that you are already dehydrated! I tried to drink a lot the next day....but I don't' think I made a dent in the dehydration (just from watching for and knowing what to expect when I do start drinking and when my body does seem to finally agree that I'm giving it enough water). So Friday I did fairly well......and then Saturday came. I don't think I even drank 10 ounces of water. I did drink a can of diet Sunkist and I had a diet Pepsi at dinner....oh and lets not forget the chai latte that I had! What is up with that? Those are TREATS......a treat that I give myself when I've finished my water for the day!!! That is a steadfast rule!!! Sunday I did a little better. I did pretty much get 64 ounces down.....but I'm still watching and waiting for my body to give me the sign that it trusts me to drink enough hasn't happened yet. I'm floating on at least 5 days of dehydration......with one or two days of attempts to end that situation stuck in there. DRINK DRINK DRINK!

I guess when I look at it and if I'm honest with myself I can say that I'm tired. I get tired of being diligent. So I slip weight goes up a bit, it scares me, so I am diligent and get it back down a bit. And then the cycle starts again. I was hoping that my wager with my friend would the first 4 days, I've gained about 4 pounds! Uhhh what's wrong with that picture???? It's not the weight watcher program that is not working. It's me. I'm not working the program. Weight watchers works! I know what to do. I know what needs to be done and I'm doing it.......somewhat half-heartedly. But to have weight watchers actually work, it takes more than knowing what to do. It takes actually DOING it! Yes, it's been a good thing to see my results from this last realize that I am pretty much maintain my current weight loss. However, I'm tired of sitting on the fence! I've been sitting here way too long. I need to decide which way I'm going to go. Am I going to lose more, or am I done?

I do not want to be done......I just need to get my head totally back in the right place......100% of the time. OK, I'm human 95% of the time!


Anonymous said...

You are exactky right, WW works if you work the program. Don't be so hard on yourself, you're human 100% of the time and you need to forgive yourself. That is something that I have had to learn too, ask Michelle. :-)

You have come so far, don't beat yourself up so much. Start'll feel better.

Donna B said...

Agree with Shosh, you are human and beating yourself up could have negative results. Sounds liek you have a GREAT plan. I know how much better I feel when I get my exercise in first thing in the AM and don't have to worry about it when I am tired later in the day or want to do something else. When you reached your WW goal, you probably had a big sigh of relief that you "did it" and just need to breathe a little and get back on track. Part of the process is learning how to maintain, and that is where you are now. water......I usually don't have problems getting it in, but have lowered my coffee intake and start trying to get it in after I finish ONE travel mug of coffee. You can do it! Keep up the good work.

Deborah said...

You can do it!

You can do it!

You can do it!

Shosh and Donna B were right on.