Last day of May

Wow...where has this month gone? Heck, where has the first part of this year gone?!?!?!? Oh well. This morning, I woke up and did the Basic Step video (one of Cathe Fredrich's)...then I did the first Biggest Loser video segment on toning and sculpting. THEN todd and I went out for a walk. We only made it about 20 minutes....the pollen was so thick that we could actually see it in the air......bad bad stuff. I've been paying the price for it all day...my eyes feel awful!

Came home...made dinner and then we went to the carnival. That was a huge deal. In previous years, we would have eaten at the carnival....bad food (ok, yummy foods...but bad for my 'new' lifestyle). We ate before hand. I knew I had three points...so I got a fruit smoothie...SMALL! (not the kind with milk...just the fruit and ice kind...yummy!!!) I feel very proud of myself for this!

Weird day

I did day one of the fourth week of the couch to 5 k program today. It was tough! This week jumped me to a 5 minute warm up walk...then I jogged for 3 minutes...walked for 90 seconds....jogged for 5 minutes.....walked for 2.5 minutes...jogged for 3 minutes...walked for 90 seconds and ran for 5 minutes. Wow......Last week I jogged 90 seconds..walked 90...jogged 3 and then walked for 3...and then repeated. So this was a HUGE jump. I did it though! Then I went to the other property and worked on the yard...I finished up what I couldn't the other day becuase it had started raining.....push mowing and raking up the piles of grass (yeah, the grass was so high that we made hay) to cart over here to our compost pile!

So your wondering why it was so weird? Well...I nibbled all day! I just couldn't seem to get enough food. I don't know if it was because I was bored (it was a slow day at work) or if it was because I worked with Deb..who nibbles all day (social eating) or if it was simply because I did work myself for like 2 hours this morning? Who knows.

A loss!

Yes, I had a loss tonight. I was a bit worried because my scales show me the same as I was last week! BUT, I lost according to the official weight watchers scale. I loss 1.4 pounds. That puts me at a weight of 195.6 pounds. I'm tickled! I'm Like three pounds from getting my 50 pound star for my weight loss at weight watchers. I've lost a total of about 107 pounds though! Woo hoooo!

I'm gonna do this the whole way. I'm looking at it this way. Each week is a battle. I find out if I won or not at my meeting. Yes, I like to win the battles, because the more battles I win...the closer to winning the war I am. HOWEVER, to win the war, I have to lose some battles! And I WILL win this war!

Worried

Ok, ok, ok, I know that every Monday I'm worried about my weigh in that is coming up. This week has been crazy, the weight just doesn't seem to be coming off. Then this morning it was looking like a maintain. I worked REALLY hard.....as in mowing with a push mower for about 3-4 hours! The problem.....I've been so hungry today! I know it's because I've worked hard and my body has used what I've eaten. I'm just afraid that I've eaten too much and I'll have messed up my weigh in. This weight stuff is enough to kill me! (ok, literally if I don't get it off!)

My muscles have been sore all week long. I've been moving and shaking it I guess. That's a good thing. I was going to work out my arms...but they are really sore now.....I naturally worked out those muscles I guess. I may go in the living room here soon and do a bit of work on my abs though. They don't hurt anymore which means I'm overdue to work them...haa haa haa!!!!!

Oh well...I'm not gonna stress about it. If it happens, it happens. If it doesn't then I'll just redouble my efforts for next week!

Should I?

Should I forgo the scales for the rest of my week. This week the scales are just way too depressing. I seem to be sitting still again....going up a bit and then down a bit! It's absolutely nutty! Yep, I was back up again today! I also didn't have time to exercise...and now that I do have time, I'm whipped!

Todd and I bought a boat today! Just a small fishing vessel....a dinghy I guess you would call it. It was an incredible deal....came with the oars, and the trailer to haul it. Todd's been talking a lot about wanting to get a boat for YEARS! So when this one came up, we just jumped on it. Ok, so you may be wondering why in the world I agreed to a boat? There is a method to my madness. You see, yes, we can get a trolling motor for it BUT I'm thinking about what a wonderful upperbody workout this will be!!!! I'll get rid of those granny swags in no time at all! tee hee hee

Still undecided about the scales.....uhhhhhhhmmmmm

Whew......I was really good yesterday and today the scales moved downward! Whew...what a relief. Seeing them go down also helped keep me on track today. EVEN though we ate at the Waffle House and then went to a diner for lunch. I had 8 points for breakfast.....and for lunch I did green beans and a salad (no cheese or eggs) with a cup of soup, all for 12 points. I went with the salad because I knew that I needed to get in some fruits and/or veggies! The salad was thankfully big, and didn't have the bad stuff on it...so I was able to wrack up some fruit/veggies! Tonight I'm making a pizza on a low cal/high carb tortilla with fat free cheese! So we are talking at the tops 3 points! That actually leaves me 2 points leftover for my fruit! I may do some carrots (raw), greenbeans, or some zero point veggie for good measure. Then tonight later if I so desire I'll have a one point fudge bar!


Now that I have prattled on endlessly about what I ate and will eat today, lets get to the good stuff. Worked out yesterday morning. Did the First Biggest Loser Workout Video....the low impact segment and also the sculpt and tone. This was actually one of my favorite dvd's to do this winter and I actually did this workout pretty regularly. So, imagine my surprise yesterday when I did this dvd for the first time in a few months. I got to work and within an hour or two I could feel my muscles all tight and a bit sore. My abs are sore. It twinges to sneeze or move...my calf muscles are tight...etc etc etc. Anyway, today got up and after breakfast, went to the gym. I was skeptical about it because of yesterday's workout. BUT, you know, I'm due for day two of the couch to 5 k thing. (amazing that I'm not sore from THAT). So into the gym I went....onto that cursed treadmill I got! I did however figure out why the treadmill seems oh so much more difficult. Number one, the wind is not in my face as I run. Number two the scenery doesn't change. BUT most importantly, I push myself ever so much harder on the treadmill. I even do my walking segments at a faster pace! But, I did it!

After my time at the gym today, Todd and I went over to mom and dad's place. Todd tilled up the lawn of their new house while I hauled dirt for them. An hour of hauling dirt...loading the wheelbarrow...pushing it up the hill....emptying the wheelbarrow....smoothing the dirt....pushing the wheelbarrow down the hill.....and then repeating the process. Yes, add another hour to my workout! Woo hooo

Todd and I then went to lunch, hit up and antique store, went grocery shopping, came home and here I am!

The question is......will I drop some more on the scales tomorrow morning????

I'm so frustrated! Last week I was doign really good with my diet and exercise. This week I'm doing the same. Really good...YET, last week the scales just dropped and dropped. THIS week, they are going UP! Go figure! Yes, I'm renewing my focus on this process! I've come way to far to give up. Not htat I've ever thought seriously about giving up. BUT I know that when my focus slips I am at risk of just kinda slipping off the program and putting on weight. I've got 34 pounds until I am considered in my healthy weight bracket. 34 pounds until I am not considered overweight! I'm just moving out of the obese category now..woo hooo. BUT 34 pounds! Sounds like a lot until I realize where I've been and how far I've already come! BUT so I'm frustrated this week! Meanwhile, the couch to 5 K thing is going well. I was out yesterday morning. I'm really amazed that I'm not sore and miserable doing it! I don't wake up and go "yippee, I'm gonna run/jog today" but I don't dread it with all my being. Kinda funny eh?

Results

Well...my home scales showed me at having lost about 5 pounds. The weight watchers oficial weigh in put me at 3.2 pounds down. I'm happy with that. I'll take it! I'm planning on working hard to not gain an ounce of that back!

Went out running today. Day one of week three! Woo hooo! All seems to be going ok with that. I'm amazed at how I'm doing with it!

It should be good!

According to the home scales it should be a good weigh in tonight! Woo hooo!

Nerves after eating

I've been planning out my day food wise. I've been following it pretty closely and eating only what I have the daily points for (I haven't used a single flex point this week...nor have I eaten any of my AP's) But, I've noticed that like after I ate and I'm sitting here in the evening, my mind kinda wonders how I'm doing. I'm nervous about what if I actually gained today? I know that if I follow my points that I won't gain..but it is still there in my head.

So, like I said; I've been planning out my food and following it pretty closely. Tomorrow I have off of work....I'm hoping that I can follow and do ok. I don't know what we are doing for breakfast. I'd prefer to eat at home...however Todd has been pushing to go to Panera Bread for a bagel for breakfast...so we may end up doing that. Then for lunch we are having BLT's (ww bread, etc etc etc) and probably soup...some of my home canned. Then we are going out for dinner. That is what worries me. I don't know what I will be having for dinner adn I don't want to blow it! I've got to be super careful! I can do this!!!!!

Saturday morning and I've got to work

Todd and I are planning on going to the gym this morning to work out. Part of me says to just go jogging on the battlefield...but it would be nice to do some weights...plus I'd get a bigger workout at the gym!

The scales showed me even lower this morning! I need to remain totally vigilant! Becuase I don't want to balloon right up like I did last week! (Realistically it should be easier for me this week. I am working on Monday, so I only have one day off to really watch myself. I usually do very good when I'm at work). Regardless, I'm going to knock this crappy weight right out of my life! So far this week I've been VERY good! Last night conceivably would have been a very heavy dinner. However, I planned out exactly what I was having.....and I ate the rest of the day accordingly. And you know what? I enjoyed dinner all that much more! I didn't go over my points. I used my points though. (No flex points at all). I'm so very proud of myself.

Evening update

I've done pretty well today. I actually have one point left! Woo hooo! I'll probably have a fudge bar later! I've also planned out what I'm eating tomorrow because mom and dad will most likely be eating with us tomorrow evening...hamburgers on the grill. I know that hamburgers will be a bit of a higher points meal...so I've laid out what I'm eating the whole day tomorrow! (Lunch is lots of zero points foods). Right now I've got it so that I will actually have 4 points to spare...oops three because I want a piece of fat free cheese on my burger! But that gives me a little leeway!

Todd asked me to get up in the morning and garden with him. SOOOO I"m planning on setting the alarm for 6AM...getting up on my own, eating my breakfast (toast and jelly...two points thanks to weight watchers bread) and then going on my jog. I'm usually out for about 35 minutes when I'm doign my jog thing. Then I'll come home and be out in the garden by 7AM! That will give me at least two unrestricted hours in the garden....getting me inside by 9AM...and I can then shower and have a few minutes to rest. NOW....depending on when mom and dad are coming to eat, I may need to put together one of the dishes tonight so that Todd can put it in the oven about a half hour before I get home....I would have time tomorrow morning instead of resting, however I'd rather not be rushed! I may actually go ahead and pat out the burgers, slice the onion (etc) tonight also.....all depending on when we eat. If we don't eat until 6, I'd have time for the basic things (just not the one dish that needs an hour and half to bake)

This running thing is quite interesting though. It's amazing. I don't want to do it...but yet when I'm done I feel so awesome! Totally crazy. Knowing that I'll probably have that awesome feeling is what is really helping me to actually get off my butt and do it...especially in the morning when I'd much rather stay in bed! :-)

I guess I could garden tomorrow morning...and run on both Saturday and Sunday instead of doing Friday/Sunday thing! I guess that wouldn't hurt me! I'm just afraid that if I don't do it, I will get off schedule and never do it again! I guess I'll have to see what time I go to bed tonight and how I feel in the morning!

I'm GOING to get this weight off! I'm going to get my weight away from the 200's! I refuse to give up and fail!

Yesterday I did so very good. I used up my points.......yes, every last one of them. HOWEVER, I didn't go over my points at all...I exercised...and I feel good about myself.

whew!

Ok, so last week I did the three days of the couch to 5 k. I jogged for one minute and walked for two minutes. Today I started week two of my 'program'. I upped the ante to jogging for 2 minutes and walking for two minutes. HOWEVER, the last 4 minutes of the 20, I jogged the whole time! We'll see how I feel tonight. haa haa haa But, as of right now, I don't feel too badly!

So, whew.....week tow has begun! It truely is amazing to me. I kinda dread going out...but when I come back....wow, the feeling is utterly amazing! I feel as if I've been washed clean!

I honestly didn't do too badly over the past week. I was maybe one or two points over each day...but heck, that's what flex points are for! There was one day that I did actually go over on my points...but I had the flex points there! Oh why am I one of these people that can't use flex points or else I gain??? Oh well...no use crying about something I can't change! I exercised 6 days. I worked in the garden for a couple hours at least twice. There is no reason that I should have gained. Yet, gain I did. I gained .6 pounds. Doesn't sound like much right? But, put that with the .8 pounds I gained last week....oops there's a pound! PLUS, it puts me over 200 again! That is the worst of it! Losing the onederland thing hurts the most!

My plan for this week. Number one, ABSOLUTELY no flex points used. NOT EVEN ONE! I'm eating straight daily points. Number two, measure out my foods! And number three, EXERCISE! I plan on exercising each morning again. I also want to try to get some exercise in in the evening also...somehow! (I will say though...that the last few months, I've been more active then I have in YEARS! I actually have the energy to move, to get up and do things!)

woo hoooo day two

Day two.....came, conquered! I'll admit, those muscles were talking to me while I was out today! BUT, I did it! AND I felt so good and proud of myself afterwards! I did my 20 minutes....1 jog/2 walk! One more day of that (the plan is to do that on Sunday.....unless we go for a big ride or something like that) and then next week knock it up to 2 jog/2 walk if I can. I know that right now I'm very ready for the jog segments to be done, but they aren't totally killing me!

My weight was down about a half pound this morning! I so want to get myself out of the two hundred range......not this one or two pounds away..that's too close for comfort!

Day 2 will soon be upon me

Rode my bike this morning on the battlefield. The muscles that I used yesterday were screaming in misery. Ok, they weren't that bad...however they were twinging a bit. I do plan on going out tomorrow morning and taking day two of my couch to 5 k. Admittedly, part of me wants to give up and skip it. However another part of me wants that feeling that I had the other day after I finished. I'm planning on getting up early enough to do it.....so I can come home....shower and get to my interview with time to spare. I refuse to use this interview as an excuse not to do day two!

My weight held solid from yesterday to today. Hopefully I drop some for my home weigh in tomorrow. If not, at least by my Tuesday weigh in!!!

Update on how I'm doing

Surprisingly, I'm not that sore....yet (maybe I should wait to write my update tomorrow morning). Oh yeah, every once in a while I move and I'm like, ohhh a little bit of discomfort. BUt nothing earth shattering...nothing lasting...and nothing more than a slight momentary twinge! I did feel a little bit of discomfort in my knees....but otherwise I think the knees will be ok for another go at this couch to 5 k thing on Friday.

Feel pretty good with myself today. I did eat something that I shouldn't have had....arrgghh Willpower willpower where art thou, willpower! But, it could have been worse! I'm determined to get that scale moving downward....and KEEP it moving downward. Not this lose for 1 or 2 weeks and then gain! No more of that stuff!

Weigh in

I had a slight gain at my weigh in last night. I gained .8 pounds. I know that some of that is water retention as it is the 'bad week' of the month for me. The ick is upon me....yuck yuck yuck. But, realistically...I just didn't do that well. I didn't journal like I should have. I just didn't care. The main reason I don't journal....because I've been bad and I just plain don't know how to mark down my food intake!

SOOOO this morning I rolled myself out of bed. Ate my oatmeal. Donned my newly designated running clothes and out I went. I did the first day of my couch to 5 k program. I did modify it. Instead of running for 1 minute and walking for 1.5 minutes. I did a run for 1 minute and walk for 2 minutes. I'm using a kitchen timer....digital thank goodness as my timer and it only does minutes...and doesn't show me seconds so this was easier. Plus, I'm a big girl. I think I'm going to have to take this a bit slower than some. I am totally amazed though at how I'm feeling now. I got back about 40 minutes ago. I feel really good. VERY proud of myself. My knees don't hurt...nor does my foot. Those were the two things that I was pretty worried about. SO far so good! :-)

You don't see many fat runners........could that be because running melts the pounds off of a person? I can only hope!

Golly Gee

Last week the weight just seemed to drop off me...this week I can't give a pound away! What the heck??? Then this morning I had a momentary lapse in my weight watching sanity. Yes, I ate 3 cupcakes. I made them for the thing we are going to tonight. I purposely waited until this morning to make them. So I would have them in the house for a least amount of time possible! I still ate THREE! (they wouldn't fit on the tray that I was getting ready.....so what to do with the ones that don't fit...why of course, you eat them!)

I haven't exercised...I so need to get back into that religiously! I'm very interested in doing the couch to 5K program. I'm not sure that my knees and feet can handle running..but I do think that it is worth a try! You don't see many fat runners, that's for sure! I know running burns mad calories...so heck. I need to print up the plan...and maybe tomorrow morning go out and try!

Movement

The scales are moving downward again! Woo hooo! I erally worked to makes ure that I got in more than 10K steps yesterday! Tonight Todd and I are going to go for a bike ride when I get off work. Then when we come home I'm gonna have ham steaks on the grill. Todd wanted pasta salad. I'm going to forgo that (that's the plan) and have veggies! :-) Woo hooo. I've already entered the ham steak, my lunch items that are in my lunch box and my breakfast. And I will have like 10 points for my veggies and such! So I'll be able to have a dessert something (probably a weight watchers sundae cup)!!!! That's exciting to me!

Tomorrow night Todd and I are planning on having dinner as soon as I get home and then going over to work on the mess some more. Joy joy.

If I can just keep the weight going down, I'll be happy!!!

Crash and Burn!

On monday morning I weighed myself and I was absolutely tickled. My weigh in was looking GOOOOOD for Tuesday. I was down 4 pounds. Yes, FOUR pounds! Things were lookin' good. Todd and I had decided to go biking, so we donned our clothes and went out. We rode for about 2.5 hours and then headed to lunch. Lunch was in the name of Macaroni's. Yep...I ate poorly. THEN that evening I had a country ham sandwhich! (Sodium city). I weighed myself on Tuesday morning....3 pounds up! ArrgghhH! Oh well, at least I had lost 4 and only gained three! And yes, my official weigh in was true to the home weigh in......I lost one pound. I'm tickled that I lost one pound though! I'm just not gonna do anything stupid like that again! (Ok, I'll try not to!)

So, I'm back trying to watch closely to what I'm eating and doing. I didn't exercise today. However I did make sure I got at least 10K steps in today! Point wise I'll be ok also!

I will conquer this!!!

How in the world is this happening?

I woke up yesterday morning and low and hehold, my weight had dropped some??? Go figure! I had my bit of temptation that I gave into on Thursday and my weight still dropped???? Last night after work I went over and worked cleaning out the mess for about 2-3 hours. I came home and made dinner. I had a snack between work and the couple hours of cleaning, but I was really hungry for a 'real' meal. So when I was cooking for our dinner (Todd was working late...thus it was later than normal for us to be eating), I just kept snitching foods.....mainly grated parmesian cheese.....craziness! HOW IN THE WORLD THEN, are the scales showing me lower yet this morning? I just don't understand it. Ohh yes, did I mention that I haven't exercised ONCE this week????? It truly is a mystery!

YUCK!

Even after just posting how good I feel when I'm in control and all that stuff, I blew it today. I woke up and just felt blah. I was short tempered with my husband (the poor guy...guess I'll have to make it up to him later tonight), I felt like just curling up and doing nothing! I didn't give in though. I went to work. My boss was running late, so it was just me at work. Now, in case you don't know...I work at a deli. Lots of food....lots of temptation. I set about getting the deli set up for another day of business and the temptation got the best of me. Yes, the salami was calling my name. I had a slice. I washed my hands and went back to work. It still called out to me. I repeated that process. Oh yes, I repeated the process a few more times! BAD, bad bad! Even while I was doing it I knew that I was blowing my day! I didn't stop! I even thought about how I would feel....the confidence thing would not be there. Did it stop me??? Absolutely not! I don't expect to be perfect...at least not every day. BUT, it still rankles when I mess up!

After work Todd and I went to our property to clean up some more of the mess that was left there by his step father. Nasty dirty mess! We are trying to salvage what we can....sending stuff to goodwill. While also saving some memories of his grandmother and mother (both of whom have passed away in the last year) and whose stuff was there. We got held up there and ended up eating dinner out. We live in the ountry and we had limited time before Todd had clients booked at the studio. So our options were few. It was either Battleview (convience store from hell) or The Red Byrd.....a diner. Yes, we ate at the diner. I didn't do too badly...until you remember that I had ohhhh 8 slices of salami earlier. I should have eaten only zero point items!!!

No use crying over spilled milk! Tomorrow is another day!

I've sents some feelers and applications out for a new job tonight. Hopefully something that I will enjoy and that pays somewhat decently will come my way soon! I'm still very interested in waitressing...it'd be good for activity! :-)

I had a fair day.....I stayed on plan and did pretty good eating wise. I didn't however get any exercise in. I did however walk more than 10K steps today. I so need to get back into the exercise hardcore! I know that it truely is the key to losing consistently...and decent amounts each week. At least I have the food thing down!

I am amazed though at how much my confidence takes a boost when I feel like I have control of my eating. I really have seen a difference in how I feel about myself and how I act. I am proud of myself for conquering this problem. Likewise, when things are not going, I really don't feel too good about myself. I feel like I've let myself down......in essence I guess I have...I've lost control!

I'm back in onederland! I'm so happy to be back! I lost 2.8 pounds this week. We had our normal 'big/comfort' meal tonight after my weigh in...but otherwise, I'm back and ready to roar through another week and lose some more!

Amazing!

It is simply amazing how differently I feel when I am actually doing well and staying OP. I feel proud of myself. I can tell that I hold my head higher, my confidence is totally there! Totally amazing to me.

We rode our bikes this morning. We were out about 2 hours....actually just shy of two hours! It felt so great to be outside and exercising. We had lunch (I did good), came home and we worked out in the garden all afternoon! I'm so tired I can't see straight! I'm only hoping that it pays off for me on the scales tomorrow night!

HUGE NSV

Tonight while out to dinner with my parents, my dad's aunt came in and sat down at the next table to my parents. I hadn't seen her in a while, BUT, during the conversation she actually had to ask who I was. She didn't recognize me with the weight loss! I can't tell you how good I felt!

The other thing.....it actually hit me that I can go pretty much anywhere to shop for clothes! Even though I've never looked at clothes at Sam's club before, I decided to peruse the aisles. Oh my word.....I could actually fit into those clothes!!!!!!! Amazing!

BIG day for me...discoveries and NSV's!

The weekend is finally here!

We ate late last night. I know it's not good, however with Todd's schedule, sometimes I hvae no choice. I do know that because of that, my weight this morning is probably skewed. I weighed myself at 7AM and was 200 even. I laid back down for about an hour or so....got up and showered. As I got out of the shower I decided to weigh myself again....even though I had wet hair (weighed me down a bit wouldn't you think). The hour difference...no food in between.....and I weighed 199 even. SO a pound difference.

I was so tired last night. I ran at work....a lot! We were busy. It was a good thing. I like to be busy, but yesterday, because of the fact that the gal I worked with hasn't been trained yet....means that I did a lions share of the work! Oh well...more running means more activity points earned! Haa haa haa. NOPE, I don't count work movement toward activity points! I came home and thought that I blew my points though...because waiting until 9PM to eat was rough. I knew it would be difficult so when I got home at 5PM I had a light snack. LIke 2 points. Then I got into the Laughing Cow light cheese. ARRGGHHH......and then I had a WW Strawberries and Cream muffin (yummy). That held me off until dinner. (Dinner was chicken and rice...8 points, green beans...0 points, and fruit....1 point) I had mostly fruits and veggies for lunch and my normal oatmeal for breakfast. I had already entered my breakfast and lunch into my journal and kinda just threw caution into the wind with the after work snacks and dinner. After it was done, cleaned up and eaten I came with fear and trepidation to the computer desk. I entered my food. Much to my surprise, I was only 2 points over for the day! Not bad, especially considering I had spent over an hour on my bike that morning and didn't include the AP's in my points. (Not to mention the busy day at work....and the quiz to find out how many points I need a day, I counted my work as 'somewhat sitting with some standing/ 50-50.....well yesterday...and the day before were 100% on my feet moving...which would have netted me an extra point or two if I took the quiz based on my activity at work the last few days......that's not how it works though!)

I'm planning on spending the afternoon with my mom. Todd has clients in, and this is Dad's sunday to work long hours....so we'll do something together. I'm thinking about heading to goodwill (I think they are open on Sundays). I also have to run to sam's and the grocery store. Not for much though...thank heavens! I'm hoping that mom and I can go walking or do something somewhat active. It will help mom out too!

Tomorrow we are planning on going for a nice bike ride up on the western section of the C&O Canal! Woo hoooo....I'm looking forward to it! It really amazed me the other day. The first year I went biking, that first trip of the year...wooooo I couldn't even make it a mile! This year I started with a 5 mile trip....didn't faze me. The next day we did a 7 mile trip...NO problem. Now we are planning a longer trip the third trip! Shows how much the constant exercise does to keep us in shape!

On the bike again!

Oh, it feels heavenly to be on the bike again...outside! Woo hooo! Last night after work Todd and I went out for a small ride. About a half hour ride...just to see how our bodies would handle it and all that. This morning we went out for about an hour. So far so good! HOpefully on Monday we can go somewhere nice to do a nice ride! I'm tickled! This morning was a bit cold, but otherwise a great ride!

I'm down to 198.8...still up from my lowest...but down from my last official weigh in. So, I'm happy and yet wishing I could see more progress! :-)

One more day of work and then I have two days off! Woo hooO! I go in at 11 today instead of 10. :-) (OBviously, as I look at the time on my computer...it is already 10:30!) I need to remember to put on my pedometer. Yesterday at work alone, I walked my 10,000 steps! That is good! :-)

It's working

I was 202.4 at my weigh in! My home scales are very close to the 'official' scales that I use for my weight. So I'm pretty darn tickled that my home scales are showing me at 198.8 today! That's really good. If I can at least hold onto a 198 pound weigh in for next Tuesday's weigh in, I'll be happy! Because it would at least take me within a pound or so of where I was 3 weeks ago! BUT, I'm not going to slack off......I'm gonna work hard at staying OP and try to get exercise and such in my routine this week! It would be REALLY awesome to recoup ALL the weight that I gained these last three weeks! Big goal...yeah, doable...yeah, that would be 4.8 pounds! But lets look at it realistically. I've already dropped 3.6 of them according to my scales here at the house. So that's 1.2 pounds more to go. Today is Friday (early in the day) So that means that I have 4 full days until my weigh in day...and my weigh in is later on Tuesday so I can count that as almost 5 days until my weigh in! I think I can do this!

Last night we were going to go outside and walk or ride bikes. It was overcast though so we didn't. Sadly enough though, I didn't exercise in the morning because I as expecting to do that in the evening. When my evening plans were shot out of the water, I SHOULD have exercised in the house. DId I?? NOPE. So I missed out on exercise yesterday (and consequentially, my weight was the same this morning as it was yesterday morning). We are planning again to work out after I get off work tonight......I'm hoping the plans hold! If not, I HAVE to work out!!! No ifs ands or buts!

The Blame Ultimately Lies with ME!

I can babble on endlessly about how stressful my week was with everything breaking down. Or about how I had no choice with eating out so darn many times. I can also talk about the fact that on my normal weigh in days I eat really lightly...lots of fruits and veggies. That wasn't true of yesterday. I ate at the Waffle House. I ate healthier than I normally would have (I forwent the potatoes). However I still ate a sandwich.....I also ate more during the day then I normally would have. So I think that skewed my results a bit also. However, I know that the blame ultimately lies with me. Other people can get through situations like that just fine without gaining. My willpower was what was lacking...nothing else! I am the one responsible for my actions. Situations and things in my life need to dealt with in positive manners. Not by eating and nibbling and all kinds of stuff like that! That is not healthy. I may be able to eventually make it to my goal weight with that mentality...but I won't be able to keep it off. To keep it off, I need to really learn how to deal with these situations. Easier said than done.

Meanwhile, I had also stopped exercising. Last week i was going to start....did it for two days and then fell by the wayside. So I'm starting again today. I already exercised this morning! One day down! :-)

Sometimes I wonder where my mind is!

Yes, I wonder where in the world my mind is when I'm thinking about food and my choices before and while I'm eating. It is so easy to slip into the old MaryFran and eat what I want with no regard to my new lifestyle, my weight or even how what I'm eating is going to make me feel! Last night I overindulged. No, I didn't eat awfully bad. I had a veggie plate and a side salad at the restaurant we went to. I know your thinking what's the problem. The problem is that I had the salad with the full fat salad dressing (used every last drop that they give). I had my 4 veggies.......sweet potato, baked beans, mashed potatoes and green beans. Ok, so at least the green beans were good...however I'll be the first to admit that they were swimming in grease! Can we say Carb City for my meal???? Oh yeah....3 rolls! Uhhh yeah....that would be three.....3....yes not one, not two but three rolls. WITH butter! OUCH.

I've cooked at home today for lunch.....just a small meal. I have 9 points for dinner! I can do that. I just checked and my dinner is actually 7 points for the dinner...which gives me a point for a piece of fruit with my dinner! AND a point to spare! :-)

I was so determined to get back to the exercise......uhhhhhh I was really good for about 2-3 days.....then it went down the tubes! I'm hoping that it only happened that way because our week was so crazy and wild. (company here for two days.....my brother visitning others.....etc etc etc). I know that exercise plays such and integral part of weight loss for me!

Today is a quiet day for me. Todd's working...and I've got to be somewhat quiet. So I'll be reading or playing on the computer all day. Normally I would be able to watch tv quietly...however last night our sattelite receiver blew up...literally smoking! (it wasn't even on!) So Tv is out until we can get that replaced! Now that I think about it.....this week is also a weeek to have things just break down! The dryer is on the blink (we are waiting for a call from the repair company that the extended warranty people put in a call to...at least this one is covered by the extended warranty). THEN, the screen door.....litterally the hinges broke....first the top and we didn't realize it...and that pulled the bottom ones out of whack...so after church, in the pouring rain we had to try to fix the screen door and ended up removing it. My kitchen sink....it's porcelin (how the heck to do you spell that?) ...and the porcilin literally is falling off! ARRGGHHHH We are going to try to patch it for now.....until we decide what we are going to do...how much longer we are going to live here! Lets see....I think that's it. NOPE....Todd's car is in the garage! It's been rough.

Yeah...speaking of Todd's car. Last Thursday he had my car for the day. SO he dropped me off at work and was supposed to pick me up at 5 when I got off. Well, I know he sometimes gets involved in things so I tried to call him at 4:30 and every 10 minutes thereafter. At 5PM, he still hadn't shown up. So at 5:15 or so, my boss offered to take me home. I accepted....I would have walked the 2 miles but it was rainy. I walked in the door and Todd mentioned how I was late....I asked him, "Did you forget something?" He looked at me blankly and said, "I don't think so". I looked at him and said, "ME"! HE still didn't get it...because he still looked very confused. It wasn't until I actually said, "You have my car...you were supposed to pick me up" That he realized what he did! Nope..I'm not mad...but it sure has been fun to tease him!

Slow slow work

Why in the world does the weight come on so easily...but take so long to be eradicated??? I literally gained 5 pounds for the two days we were in Lancaster....yet it's been more than a week and I haven't dropped those 5 pounds! I have to keep telling myself that it is slow work and I don't want to rush it...I want to do it healthy and the correct way! But it really is food for thought.....oops no pun intended on the 'food' comment!

Last night got to visit with a great friend of mine from my teen years! I hadn't seen this girl in 17 years. That's soooo long! So it was very interesting.

We've eaten out WAY Too much this week! WAY TOO MUCH! It is so much more difficult to lose weight when you are eating out every meal! I'm determined to cook at home most of this coming week! First of all I have the food....second of all it is easier for me to manage food at home!!!!!

Struggling!

I'm so struggling tonight! I'm just plain and simple hungry! I can't stop eating! What to do...what to do? Ok, I know in my head to stay away from the kitchen. But that is so much easier said than done! I need strength!!!!!! Come on willpower! Come on something!

I can deal with the weight gain. HOwever, I'm having some difficulty dealing with the fact that I'm no longer in onederland! Yes...I totally and royally screwed it up! ARRGGHHHH I'm 201! I know it will come off! I'm not concerned. I'm not giving up. I'm not anything...except PO'd at myself! How could I have been stupid enough to let it happen? Anything but losing my foothold in onederland!

I haven't been exercising regularly. I got out of the habit when I had the cold while my brother's family was in town. I never got back in the habit. I'm starting that tomorrow. No ifs ands or buts! I know that is a big part of my success. I have to get all the spokes in this wheel moving in the same direction. Until then, I'm not going anywhere...at least not fast!

I think I can, I think I can!

I set a goal for myself to be at least back under 200 by my official weigh in. That weigh in is tonight. According to my scales this morning...as long as I don't mess it up....I should be under....BARELY under...but under. That is if it holds to the pattern that my home scales weigh me about a half of a pound heavier than the official meeting scales! 200.4 on the home scales! Ahhhhh soo close! But I'm letting this be a lesson to myself. I fought to get under 200.....it was a long hard battle....and after only 2-3 weeks I messed it up! NO WAY...not again!

I've been terrible with exercising. I just plain and simple haven't done it lately! I think I've exercised twice in the last three weeks! That's pitiful! While we were travelling I did at least walk a good bit....but it's just not the same! I need to make that a focus...getting back in the exercise routine! As much as I dread doing it.....it needs to be done! For me, starting the exercise routine is the worst. Once I get back in it...then I don't mind it...but the first few times, I just dread the sore legs...sore arms.....and general tiredness!

Well...it's back to work for me today. My vacation is over...boo hooo!

Results of a vacation and family visit!

Yes, the unofficial results are in. I've gained.....I've uhhh gained a fair amount. Uhhhh I'm no longer in onederland! I'm pretty bummed about it. I never wanted to see that 2 as my first number in my weight again. NEVER. ANd here I am just a few weeks later back in twooterville! ARGHHHH! I'm determined to get rid of it as quickly as possible....... nothing drastic or unhealthy of course! I'm hoping to at least hold onto onederland for my official weigh in. I'm not that far off of onederland so it is possible! I"m hoping that a lot of it is water retention....from not drinking enough and from more salty food! I can hope eh? I actually feel that I didn't eat too poorly. Yes, I did have my much coveted and dreamed about piece of Shoo Fly Pie...but I ate complete veggie meals. I ate fruit cups for breakfast...etc etc etc! Soooo that is where I stand.

It has showed me that I really don't have total control over my food yet! I've still got a long ways to go in my mental journey to losing weight!

Satisfied

I'm sitting here satisfied in more than one way. We ate dinner and I'm physically satisfied from what I ate (it's my splurge night.......after my weigh in). BUt I'm also satisfied with my weigh in results. I actually gained .4 pounds. Yes, I'm satisfied with a half pound gain. We travelled......I made better choices that I previously would have...however I do know that I made some more poor choices! My aim was to actually maintain. I didn't quite do that...but close enough that I can kinda consider it a maintain.

We are going away again on Thursday.....this time to Lancaster CO, PA. I'm nervous about that also. But I'm determined to do it!

hanging on

I'm hanging on. I actually think I've dropped on the scales this week thus far. I'm a bit concerned though because Todd and I are going to be doing a slight bit of travelling on Sunday and Monday. Then we are home for like two days and then we will be away for three more days. I'm hoping to hold onto my weight loss that I'm seeing for this week! But I'll admit...I'll be happy to come out of these next two weigh in's with a maintain! I'm going for a loss though! :-)

Meanwhile, I think things in my life are settling down a bit.....other than my quest for a different job. I'm still keeping that on a back burner...but everything else seems to be falling into place.

The other week when I hit onederland I dropped a point. It's actually pretty funny. I really don't miss that point. I've been able to manage without it just fine. Crazy eh?

Sometimes its the snail that wins!

Yes, I posted a loss this week. It was only a .6 loss....but a loss nonethe less! Meanwhile, I'm not able to exercise because I'm all congested and can barely breath under the best of conditions let alone while exercising! I have been eating pretty healthily during the last few days though! :-)

My week

Things have been going ok for me. I've had a few heavy meals here and there...but I've really watched what else I've eaten on those days and miraculously my weight is remaining pretty stable. One day I was up about 2 pounds...but I really do feel that it was water retention! I'm hoping for at least a small loss this week. Yeah, I'd like another 2 pound loss or so. But I'll be happy with a maintain or small loss! Just no gain! Ok, I'll not be happy with a small one...but I'll be ok with it!

I am really trying to keep myself fresh with this program and not slip into the 'same old same old' again. Because it's when I'm in that stage that I stop losing! I don't want to hex myself but I think my bad months of one week gain, one week lose back and forth may be past me. I've had two weeks of steady losses. That's another reason i'm hoping for a nice loss again!

Meanwhile, I haven't exercised yet today. That is bad. I know that Todd is working until about 6 and then he wants to go out to dinner. So we won't be getting home until like 8 or so. I have to do laundry then. (which I can do while exercising I'm sure). But once it gets to a certain time...I struggle with exercising! I'm going to perservere though!

WOO HOOOO

Finally, a journal entry that I'm just tickled about writing....I just can't wait to share my news! Let's see if you can guess. onederland, onederland, onederland, onederland, onederland, onederland, onederland, onederland, onederland, onederland, onederland, onederland, onederland, onederland, onederland, onederland, onederland, onederland, onederland, onederland, onederland, onederland, onederland, onederland, onederland, onederland, onederland, onederland, onederland, onederland, onederland, onederland, onederland, onederland, onederland, onederland!

Nope...I didn't gain weight....I lost 2.2 pounds....which puts me solidly into onederland! 198.2 pounds! I'm so stoked! Scared to death to mess it up and gain...but stoked!

I went in for an 'interview' at a place that I interviewed at a month ago (used bookstore). They had offered me a job then...but I couldn't work for what they offered...and they only offered part time. Well, they came back to day and didn't do an interview like they had said...they offered me the job right off the bat. I'm panicked though.......it's only 1 dollar more an hour....and will add 40 minutes of travel time daily....which will equal to roughly a tank of gas a week. SO after I pay the extra gas money...I"m only talking about $20 a week. The one good thing.....I would have access to their health insurance....after a time. OHhhhhhh I can't stand decisions like this! STRESSSSSSSSSSS I'm going to try to fight off the eating urges!

Back to my Roots!

I’ve noticed in myself that things are starting to get more stale. It’s getting more difficult to follow the program and stay OP. It has made me think about this deeply and something that my favorite weight watcher leader talks about all the time is that when things get stale and routine that you should simply start over. It made me think of how I was at the beginning……….

“I had listened intently to the getting started meeting that the leader led. Now I was eager to get home to read through the materials that I had been given. I burst into the house, dropped my purse on the table and dropped onto the couch with my books and purchases in my hand. With only a short hello to my husband I started reading. “I can do this” I said to myself as I read through the instructions regarding the weight watchers program. The further I read, the more excited I became. This plan was going to work for me. I just knew it. There was a lightness in my heart and a pep to my step (as much as is possible for a morbidly obese person) as I went to my desk and wrote the first date into the three month journal. I constantly read the books those first weeks…reviewing the information and cementing it in my head. I carried my material with me everywhere I went so I wouldn’t be caught off guard. At each weigh in I was tickled to death at the weight I was losing. I was anal about my journaling. Every BLT (bite, lick and taste) went into the journal…heck I was so into it that I probably even put in every sniff of food that I had! . Before I ate anything, I knew exactly how many points it was and how long I would have to work out to negate what I was eating. I was a machine and I was losing! I lost steadily for months. I was looking better and feeling better than I had in ages! I was still excited about the program”
The problem is I lost that excitement somewhere a few months back. I’m still super motivated…..but I stopped being so religious about writing down exactly what I ate, sometimes even fudging the books a bit (ie well, it was SMALL…so I’m sure it was only one point versus two for a normal size portion). The weight loss slowed down drastically also! Looking back and trying to fix my problems so that I can continue to lose weight (and get past this 200 pound mark…that I’ve been trying to break for it seems ages) I realize that I need to go back to the beginning. Make the program fresh and new. Get excited about it again.

I plan on continuing withe my exercise plan. That is basically to exercise 6 days a week...varied things each day. I also want to spend some more time online reading about others (journals) who are on the same journey that I'm on. I want to read success stories....and see success pictures. I need to read my books and my materials front to back again. In fact, I may need to buy the new books...just to have them. New books would be fresh....especially since the books are different now! I'll have to see if I have the money to do that though!

weigh in results

Ok, I should just copy and paste my email from a few weeks ago! I lost nicely...2 pounds...and that put me at 200.4 pounds! Not quite close enough...but a loss nonethe less! Happy on one hand....sad on the other! REALLY afraid that I'll screw things up and gain again...or NOT make it to onederland next week! ARRGGHHH!

I've gotta do this! It will be difficult though. The ick (TOM) will be hitting sometime this week...and honestly I'm just wanting to eat eat eat right now. I could go into the kitchen and make another meal and eat it all! Part of my problem....I saw some cheese in the refridge while making dinner...and had some.... 3 points down the drain for something that wsn't that overly filling. Yummy, yes it was...but filling...no! Otherwise I would have been just fine and dandy with points..and I would have been able to have popcorn or some snack! But noooooo I had to have cheese and use my points. And I'm so afraid that I'll mess up and gain this week that I'm almost afraid to eat! Zero point items...hmmmmmm nope...I can't hack sauerkraut at 8:30 pm....nope...nor green beans...or carrots....hmmmm no zero point foods sound good right now. Ok, if I had my choice.....hmmmm this is hard, I've just sat here for a minute or two trying to think of what I'm actually hungry for...what I would want to eat if i could have anything.....uhhhhmmm. Wow...you know, maybe this is just boredom and lonliness speaking in me telling me to eat! I can think of things that I would eat if i gave myself the go ahead...but to actually say I'm hungry for them...nope. Hmmmmmm now isnt' that food for thought?

Baby steps!

Well...the scales are slowly inching down this week. I like it this way. Sometimes when you get on the scales every day and there is not movement...no matter what you are doing it gets a bit disconcerting. This week however, each day I can see a little improvement in what the scales are saying. Yeah, I'd love for there to be a huge drop...but in my experience, those huge drops sometimes don't stay that way....the little inching stuff usually stays off!

I've been trying to watch very closely to what I'm eating. We are going out to Corsi's tonight...and i'm planning a low point lunch for me. I am saving many more points than I actually need for dinner...because I don't want to blow it anywhere. I'm also trying to watch my points more closely because I'm still not up to par with my exercising...what with my foot and all. So really my weight loss this week will mostly be attributed to straight up healthy eating! I know that 2.4 would be almost a miracle for me to lose this week... ( of course, this morning I was 201.0). I would be tickled to get into onederland. However, I'm not going to be disappointed if I don't get there. AND I'm not going back up if I don't. I've gotten back on the bandwagon...renewed my thoughts and processes. I'm being more anal about journalling EVERYTHING that I eat! I was getting lazy and journalling only ALMOST everything. That is not going to get me anywhere in this journey! Total honesty is the only thing that will help/allow me to reach my goal! I'm so close. My target weight range for weight watchers is 151-158 pounds. So we are talking 43 pounds until I'm within my weight range! That is SOOO doable! I mean...heck, I've done about that since I started weight watchers alone!!!!! Not to mention all that I lost before weight watchers! I've been saying 50 more to go...but 43 sounds oh so much more closer!!!

Report of a 2 point evening

Well.....I had planned my two point evening out. I planned on having green beans (zero points). sauerkrout (zero points), cooked carrots (one point), pears (1 point) and I originally was going to do a two point sandwich (weight watcher bread, smart beat butter, and a teaspoon of jelly). But, todd wanted garlic bread..so I did a three point piece of garlic bread instead. Thus, my dinner consisted of 5 points. Not too bad. (I had already planned to forego what Todd was eating...steak and baked potato....I just don't like that meal...so it worked out well). We ate early.....so late that night I made popcorn....with a little cheese and smartbeat spray butter....three points. I was very satisfied....and I was only six points over for the whole day. That means that I've only used 8 flex points for the whole week! Now...I did exercise that forty-five minutes, mid-high intensity and earned those four aps....so I know that technically I probably only used 2 flex points....but I'm just gonna count 6...because I didn't measuer the parm cheese that I put on the popcorn!

The scales were not adversly effected today...so for that I am happy. Knowing that though...I know that I hvae to be VERY good today. I think having one little day where you mess up is bad....but doesn't affect the weigh loss. But if you string more than one day like that together...eii yiii yiii

Report pf a 2 point evening

Well.....I had planned my two point evening out. I planned on having green beans (zero points). sauerkrout (zero points), cooked carrots (one point), pears (1 point) and I originally was going to do a two point sandwich (weight watcher bread, smart beat butter, and a teaspoon of jelly). But, todd wanted garlic bread..so I did a three point piece of garlic bread instead. Thus, my dinner consisted of 5 points. Not too bad. (I had already planned to forego what Todd was eating...steak and baked potato....I just don't like that meal...so it worked out well). We ate early.....so late that night I made popcorn....with a little cheese and smartbeat spray butter....three points. I was very satisfied....and I was only six points over for the whole day. That means that I've only used 8 flex points for the whole week! Now...I did exercise that forty-five minutes, mid-high intensity and earned those four aps....so I know that technically I probably only used 2 flex points....but I'm just gonna count 6...because I didn't measuer the parm cheese that I put on the popcorn!

The scales were not adversly effected today...so for that I am happy. Knowing that though...I know that I hvae to be VERY good today. I think having one little day where you mess up is bad....but doesn't affect the weigh loss. But if you string more than one day like that together...eii yiii yiii

Did it...done it!

I did it today with eating. I stopped at Blimpies on the way home today (todd couldn't go with me this morning ...so I said I'd grab lunch on the way home). Well, I THOUGHT about calling him to have him look in the book so I could get something other than my normal sandwich. Of course I know the points for the good old normal sandwich. Well, I didn't....I decided to go with a wrap...I mean, wouldn't you think a wrap would be better than a sub??? Came home...ate it up...and then checked the points. Yep....15 points! Oh yeah....I had a little 1 oz bag of cashews...for 4 points. I was still hungry after my 19 point lunch...so I had a 100 cal pack that was 2 points! Thus taking lunch to a whopping 21 points! Breakfast was oatmeal...3 points. So I have an earthshattering 2 points left for dinner! Wow....

So, that isn't bad enough. I tried to at least compensate for my stupidity error. So I started exercising.....about 45 minutes into it (thank heavens I at least got 45 min in) I actually fell off the step while doing step aerobics.....yeah, my foot isn't doing too good right now. It's not broken....and it's not swelling too badly...so hopefully it won't take long to heal! BUT, what's up with me and weird injuries. Last week it was a cyst that was all weird....the weekend was my shoulderblade (ok, the muscle)...now this?? I can't say that I've been exercising too much...because I've been doing very poorly with exercise lately! Arrgghhhh

A wow moment

I was writing an email to a friend and we were discussing a little pig out session that she had had in terms to eating..... I responded with.

"I'm not surprised about the mini-pig out session. Your stress levels...with crazy flako and with Kaid being sick they've got to be sky high! The good thing (ok, you know me....gotta find the good in something) is that you were able to look back and recognize what caused you to eat....you are looking at it objectivly and honestly. AND you didn't let it get you down! Knowing that.....when you start to boil mad over "flako" or start to worry more about Kaid (continue to worry I should say) then you can look at your experience with the eating and hopefully resist! I know for me, SOMETIMES it helps if I put into thoughts exactly how long...or how much...or at what intensity I would need to exercise to actually break even on something that I'm eating. Wow...that was just a light bulb for me. I was doign that in early fall....in my mind calculating every thing I ate into how much exercise would be required to cause it to wash out. I've been trying to figure out what in the world has been different. You see...until about Thanksgiving I was having pretty steady weight loss. After thanksgiving....it's been this seesaw weight loss/gain thing. I've said that I don't think it's a plateau...but something has altered....maybe that is. Because I know when I was playing that trick in my mind....I was better able to resist eating because I don't like to exercise....."

That was Truely a light bulb moment for me. Maybe that is what has changed! I am going to try to really think that way!

Meanwhile...I think the scales are starting to move downward again! Woo hooo

It'll be ok

Yes, it will be ok. I gained 2.2 pounds this week (actually over the last two weeks). Am I disappointed???? Highly. But, at least I expected it. I refuse to let it get me down though. I'm just going to redouble my efforts and get it off! I know I can do it!

Rough week

Didn't make it to my weigh in. Granny took a turn for th worse and we spent all of Tuesday at the hospital with her. I actually had all of my stuff to go to my weigh in....even though I knew that the scales would probably show me up a bit. Granny passed away at 5:20 and I would have had to leave the hospital and go almost right to my meeting. But, I thought it would be poor taste to drag Todd to my meeting less than an hour after his grandmother passed away. So we didn't do that. The biggest problem though this past week....Todd has been craving the comfort foods.....which means that I'm eating comfort foods. Eii yii yii. I counted points for all of the days....except for one...the actual day of the funeral. Up until that day I had only used 2 flex points so I'm not too worried. I've been good since then also.....

However, the scales are not being kind! It is showing me up about two pounds! ARRgGGHH

Then early this week my foot started bothering me again...the pea sized lump was back....joy joy. So i went to the doctor...it's nothing but a ganglion cyst. So I esaed up for another day and went back to exercising a day or so later. Within two days my shoulder blade muscle.....is killing me. As in brings tears to my eyes when I move. So I'm on the sidelines with exercise.......and it's ticking me off!!!

I plan on going to my tuesday meeting......and weigh in. I'm going to take my knocks and not worry about it. The weight WILL come off!

Preparing for my last February weigh in

We did make it to the gym. I had a pretty good workout...but I was TIRED TIRED TIRED when it was over. Yes, triple tired! I'm also seeing a remarkable difference in how my body is reacting to the work of shovelling and physical labor. In previous years, I'd (we'd...Todd was in the same boat as I) start shovelling...work for 15 -20 minutes and be exhausted...breathing hard...and have to go in the house for a break. This year is a totally different story. Yeah, after moving the heavy snow, my back is sore...but physically I'm not bee tired and exhausted. It is really neat to see how my body is more conditioned now. Kinda cool
I'm so disgusted...because without eating anything bad......and doing everything seemingly right (all my water...all my healthy foods....no cheating....exercise) I've gained 2 pounds this week! ARRGGGHHHH Yes, I know it will come off! I'm hoping at least one pound is gone tomorrow night for my official weigh in!
I'm actually hungry right now. I may head off to read in bed....I won't be as tempted to go to the kitchen and get something to eat if I'm in bed! It seems to work. I've actually got no points left for the day. I do however know what I did at the gym and I actually have 8 AP's that I earned today taht I could use. But honestly I think my wanting to eat is pure boredom. Actually I think it's simply because I'm sitting here and I know there is food out there! :-)

Tired

So, it seems that my weight has gone up this week....the day after my weigh in...and hasn't gone down! ARRGGHHH! We are talking about 2 pounds! This is so not good...I want to be in onederland soo bad! SOOO this morning, I decided that I was goign to workout twice today. I did a HARD step aerobics...for 45 minutes late this morning. Mid afternoon I went out and shovelled the 8 inches of snow for about an hour or so. Then after dinner I did a 30 minute moderate intensity workout. I'm sore....well, not really sore...but I can tell that physically my body is tired!

We'll see how tomorrow is on the scales! A girl can hope!

Weigh In Happiness

I went to my meeting. I am tickled pink to say that at the meeting I weighed in at 200.2 pounds! I soo want to be in onederland! The next day, my home scales showed me up! And I haven't gone down since! It is sooo darn disappointing! I want the scales to go down! I refuse to be upset about it...although I'm having to fight it! I think it's good for me to weigh in every day...but when something like this happens it is upsetting!

Thank you ICE!!!!!

OK, let me tell you, ice is pretty darn heavy to move! We got hit with the storm that ripped through a good part of the northeastern US. We were in the part that started with snow...and then after about 12 hours or so of snow...changed into an ice storm. I would have quite honestly preferred the snow for the whole time. My husband was sick with the flu...so I was stuck with all the clean up work by myself. It iced/sleeted/whatever for about 12 more hours after the snow. Joy joy. Well, after it was all over, I headed out to shovel. First of all, the ice had come down and effectively barred me from opening the screen door. (design flaw, let me tell you). I had to crawl out a window (it was either that or jump off the roof of the porch). I got out and commenced with the wonderful work of shovelling. 3-4 hours later, I was exhausted. I gave up and went back inside. (my cars were still not shovelled out at this point). I made plans to wake up early and go out and work in the morning.... Well, I did wake up early (for me...) and went out. Too late, the ice was even more solid!!! It was atrocious. I went back inside and waited for the lane to be plowed out...and then went back out and spent 2 more hours finishing up around the cars! I'm sooooo darn sore!!!

Well, the good news.....this morning I weighed myself (hey, I do it everyday) and I was down a good bit! (I didn't eat a ton yesterday and worked my ass off...). My loss puts me less than 2 pounds from onederland! I want it soooooooo bad! I weigh in at weight watchers on Tuesday nights...so if I can hold onto that loss...and maybe add a little more I may be able to squeek it out.....or at least be soooo close! SOooo thank you ice! Oh yeah, when I came in defeated this morning...I had worked myself up to shovelling in the am and getting a good workout...so I did a 35 minutes exercise dvd...and still went out later and did the 2 hours of shovelling. I know that it would have to be a HUGE weight loss to do it...but I want to give it my best shot!

Bad thing though...with Todd being sick, my meal plan has gone out the window...so it's requiring me to think a whole lot more about what I'm eating. I plan our meals a week in advance...and then I'm able to know my points that I'll need for dinner for each day...it helps.....but eii yiii yiii! OH well, I'll suceed anyway!

You know...yesterday I didn't drink my water...or all that I should have...in fact, my hands were swollen this morning (my rings were all too big...so I bought a cheap wedding band to wear...but it fits perfectly....as in when I retain water, the ring doesn't fit.....i'm not wearing the ring right now). And I still posted a big loss.....hmmmm NOPE NOPE NOPE....I'm not going to get my hopes up!!!! I'm just going to do the best that I possibly can!!!

Easier Said Than Done

Yes, I was totally serious and completely motivated when I wrote that last entry. I wish that I could say that I had followed it to the tee. I did exercise on Tuesday morning...and actually shovelled snow for a few hours today...working up a sweat while I did it! (I'm sore now) So I can honestly say that I've gotten in some exercise! However, I don't feel as if my eating is totally under control yet! I didn't eat much today...but my husband was sick...and that kinda puts a damper on eating in the house!

I know that I just need to keep plugging away. I ended up not going to my weight watcher meeting last night.....snow and inclement weather! I'm keep track of my weight here at home...I would have been up...by about a pound or two! I HAVE to get that off!

New Start

Ok...this is crazy...todays post is a new start..and that is the name of my blog. Oh well, it can't be helped. As I'm sure is easy to pick up in recent entries, but I've been doign a lot of introspection with regards to my diet and eating lifestyle. I've slowed down with the weight loss in the last few months....quite honestly since Thanksgiving. And that's not a bad thing...I've lost about 6-8 pounds in the last two months...which isn't anything to sneeze about. HOWEVER, I feel like I've worked the program and those results don't match with someone that is really working the program. SOOO, I've looked and I've discovered that I have become complacent with the program....I've become complacent with my workouts...often chosing the easy workout that I keep for those days where I am literally wiped out. The problem...I started doing that easy one EVERY DAY! I've decided to commit to renew myself and make a fresh start! I've been sitting on the fence! No more! I want this so badly....it is now a matter of mind over matter!

Stand Still

Yes, for the last month or so, I've been pretty much at a standstill. Yes, I've had weight loss...I've gone down about 8 pounds I guess since Thanksgiving. I guess that's not exactly a standstill. HOWEVER...for someone that has been following the program for 2.5 months...you'd expect more than 8 pounds! Well.....I admit that I've eaten some extra stuff. And it seems to be getting worse. My impulses are just going crazy! I've been struggling with exercise....quite honestly since we were on Vacation....THANKSGIVING! It's just been so hard to get into the routine. I make plans and say that "I'm gonna do it" Yet, the next day comes and I fail. Well, not technically. I have done DDR religiously recently...because doing any other exercise is like 'too much work'. That's not gonna cut it! I know it! And I feel guilty doing DDR.. I like to keep DDR for those days when I do want to move some...but I don't want a really heavy workout. Or the days that I just can't hack a really heavy workout! This shouldn't be everyday! I was falling back on the good old standby....ddr tonight. I did about 5 minutes or so and I just sat there and it hit me. If I never break out and force myself to do it...I never will get back in the routine of doing it! SOOOO I went and found tennis shoes (that is the beauty of DDR...bare feet....), put them on and there I was with my step out and I was doind step aerobics again. Yes, my legs were feeling heavy by the end of the program. But I feel good. I also did a good bit of thinking while I was goign through the various steps. I NEED to exercise religiously! I've proved that I can eat and maintain...within a few. HOWEVER for me to lose, I need to be exercising! I think it is for a combination of reasons. One...exercise is just..well a plain good fat burner! But secondly, for me I think when I am sweating my guts out...it makes it just a tad bit easier to say..."heck no, I'm not eating that extra bite....that would negate that hard work I just did...or that I will be doing!!"

Hopefully my revalation will make it easier for me to make this a good habit again...instead of one that I am just putting in the easiest time that I possibly can!

Stand Still

Yes, for the last month or so, I've been pretty much at a standstill. Yes, I've had weight loss...I've gone down about 8 pounds I guess since Thanksgiving. I guess that's not exactly a standstill. HOWEVER...for someone that has been following the program for 2.5 months...you'd expect more than 8 pounds! Well.....I admit that I've eaten some extra stuff. And it seems to be getting worse. My impulses are just going crazy! I've been struggling with exercise....quite honestly since we were on Vacation....THANKSGIVING! It's just been so hard to get into the routine. I make plans and say that "I'm gonna do it" Yet, the next day comes and I fail. Well, not technically. I have done DDR religiously recently...because doing any other exercise is like 'too much work'. That's not gonna cut it! I know it! And I feel guilty doing DDR.. I like to keep DDR for those days when I do want to move some...but I don't want a really heavy workout. Or the days that I just can't hack a really heavy workout! This shouldn't be everyday! I was falling back on the good old standby....ddr tonight. I did about 5 minutes or so and I just sat there and it hit me. If I never break out and force myself to do it...I never will get back in the routine of doing it! SOOOO I went and found tennis shoes (that is the beauty of DDR...bare feet....), put them on and there I was with my step out and I was doind step aerobics again. Yes, my legs were feeling heavy by the end of the program. But I feel good. I also did a good bit of thinking while I was goign through the various steps. I NEED to exercise religiously! I've proved that I can eat and maintain...within a few. HOWEVER for me to lose, I need to be exercising! I think it is for a combination of reasons. One...exercise is just..well a plain good fat burner! But secondly, for me I think when I am sweating my guts out...it makes it just a tad bit easier to say..."heck no, I'm not eating that extra bite....that would negate that hard work I just did...or that I will be doing!!"

Hopefully my revalation will make it easier for me to make this a good habit again...instead of one that I am just putting in the easiest time that I possibly can!

Weigh In!

Well, somehow I squeezed out a .6 loss this week! It wasn't looking good earlier this week! I wish it was more...but a loss is a loss! I have 3.8 pounds to hit 200 pounds! I sooo badly want to be in the one hundreds! I know I'll get there! Not getting there is not an option I'm willing to accept. So I know I'm gonna do it! The question is when!!

I have an interview for another job tomorrow after work. I hope it goes well..and that job is something that would work for us! It would be nice to have health insurance again! Not that Todd and I run to the doctor for every ache and pain. But I'm tired of living in fear that we are gonna need it and not have it! Thus far, we've had only small issues to attend to! (However I just had a prescription filled for this rash that was $100...generic!!! OUCH!) So overall it's been ok...we've actually spent less paying directly out of pocket than I would have spent if we had been paying for the premiums on the insurance...so it's worked out well for us thus far. However like I said, I'm just scared!

After weigh in is always my free meal...night. SO, I've eaten a nice heavy comfort foods meal! And like always, I enjoy it totally...and then promptly feel guilty for it!

No panic attacks allowed!

I'm trying to remain calm and tell myself that I didn't do anything wrong this week. It may just be one of those weeks where I don't lose and I don't gain. I'm getting tired of this cycle though. But I refuse to panic and obsess about it. THus..that's all I'm gonna say about the subject.

I have decided that my way that I sign off of emails a lot of times Think Thin...is so utterly immportant in this weight loss journey. I have to keep my ultimate goal..reasons and dreams in the front of my mind at all times. If it is in the foremost part of my mind, then it will be there side by side with the temptation. AND I can see which one is more important to me. I can't make that decision if I don't have those mental images in ready and waiting to go head to head! That way, when I do decide to eat a little something I've weighed the options..and the possible consequence (a little more time to get to goal) and I can thus have no guilt about it later! SOOO my motto is THINK THIN!

Rough Time

I'm really bummed. It is taking all I have to not just throw in the towel and say 'to heck with it' for this week. The scales keep showing me going up. It's not TOM..so I shouldn't be having a gain. My points have been relatively close...enough that I've only dipped into my flex points by a few. IT shouldn't be a gain. And it's disgusting me! I'm trying not to focus on it and just keep doing what I'm doing..I know that it will come off eventually.

However, it seems of late that I'm having a good loss...and then a maintain...and then a good loss week,..and then a maintain week. Occaisionally I'm throwing in a gain week...followed by a REALLY good loss (basically equals out to a maintain week and a regular loss week.) That's disgusting me also! I somehow have to break that cycle!

With my probable maintain/gain this week, I probably won't make onederland by Valentines day. It really sucks! I'm so close and just can't break that barrier! I've been up and down since Thanksgiving...and been within 10 pounds of it the whole time! It's killing me!!!!!

Deep thoughts

I just wrote something in an email that really struck me. It's profound...ok at least to me!

A bad day or eating is not a failure...it is 'life'. Stop thinking that it is! We're going to have those days. The failure is if we let that one day of eating freedom turn into two days...or three, or a week! How we react to these days is what will make or break us! We need to learn how to emotionally suck it in, put it in the past and move foward! I know, I know, it's easier said than done!

I lost 1.6 pounds this week. I'm pretty happy with that! However, I'm pretty ticked off with myself.....because I came home and gorged myself on food. But I need to keep my thought from above in my head....the failure will come tomorrow if I continue gorging myself (or even in a few minutes or an hour) Maybe that's why what I wrote was so profound to me...because it really touches me and what I'm feeling right now!

The end of the weekend!

Well...after being so excited about my weight, it is rising again. Nope, I'm not upset. Afterall, I expect it...it's one of the bad things about weighing myself everyday. I have however been able to think about my last few days...the days that I actually went back up on the scales...and I can say that one day I had lots of sodium and the other lots of carbs. SO there you have it!

I've been having a blast trying new recipes! There are so many really good recipes out there! I'm trying to chose healthier options and also go more natural ingredients. There is nothing wrong with eating the prepackaged stuff...I just don't thnk it's as healthy for us!

Great thought to keep in mind

I'm part of a group that is motivational and supportive while I'm losing this weight. One of the gals went to her weight watchers meeting and came back and shared something her leader said. It is such a good thing to remember that I'm going to post it on my journal!

"She stated on the weeks we have a loss ... that's great. We have learned what needs to be done. On weeks that we have a gain, we too need to learn from that too. Each of our bodies are different. What works for some, doesn't for others. The whole process is learning what 'our' body needs.

But then she stated .... If we didn't do what needed to be done and had a loss what did that teach us? ... That we could cheat (as in ... not eating as we should) and not be punished on the scale. Well that is EXACTLY what I had been thinking lately. Over the holidays, I did overeat (I mean I REALLY ate more than I knew I should) and I lost each week (only .2, .6 and .8, but a loss is a loss) but one (which I gained only .6). So here I was thinking ... I can eat and still lose. I couldn't get that thought out of my head.

But when she posed that question, it had me thinking ... What did make me lose those weeks? It was me ... I have changed!!! I looked back in my journal(not that I had been keeping that like I need to either) ... I was still exercising, I was drinking my water, I was getting in all my fruits and veges, I was making healthier food choices like only eating half a slice of pie, smaller portions of things, by passing on things that were a normal part of my everyday eating (like not eating mashed potatos but eating the dressing and home-made noodles my mom only makes a couple times a year). "

I'm not sure how I'm doing right now. I think I'll be able to post a loss this week. Unless I do something royally stupid to mess it up! I'm hoping that I already dind't. I got home from tonight and carried all the groceries into the house. I started the dinner and finished putting the groceries away. It was 6:30 at that point when I realized that the dinner had to be in the oven for 45 minutes! I hadn't eaten since noon. I grabbed a sweet and salty bar...and then a 1 point weight watcher cake. Yes, healthier options, however still something that I really didn't need, nor did I have the points for it! I did exercise a bit after I ate!

Lesson in Healthy life eating!

Tonight I learned a few things. We've been trying to eat at home a lot more. It is for a couple reasons....we can save money by eating at home, we can control portions better, we are eating healthy foods...and more natural foods when we eat at home. So last night we decided that we were going to eat out tonight. I looked forward to it so much. It was such a treat. Well, we went to a nicer place. Yes, it was pricier...but it was soo good. I ordered a dinner. My food came and my first inclination was "this isn't going to be enough". The food was perfectly portioned as ONE serving...and not this massive amount of food. This dinner didn't come with a salad. I ate it and enjoyed every bite! AND, because Todd and I had eaten healthier options we were able to split a dessert! It was such a treat! I didn't feel stuffed...just satisfied when we left! I came home and exercised and just calculated my points for the day...I'm only 2 points in the hole....AND it will be the first two points I've used this week out of my flex points! I feel so very happy with my choices! I managed everything and was able to treat myself! THat's a pretty good deal! I guess that's how this lifestyle thing is supposed to work!

Friday Musings

My home scales are showing me down from where I was on Tuesday (weigh in day). SO I'm pretty happy! I just need to stay focused. A few weeks ago, I had a nice reading on the home scales and got complacent and gained it! I've got to learn to be diligent ALL the time! If I'm going to reach my goal and maintain that goal, I've got to learn to be on gaurd!

I've been buying some of the weight watchers snack stuff, the desserts (which I can do pretty well with). But I've been also buying the muffins and cakes. The cakes are one point. I know that I may have that left to eat in my daily points...however when I have them in the house, I need to learn to manage and not have one a day! That can't be good for me! Let me rephrase....the cakes are what I want one a day on. The muffins I can have a little more self restraint on....they are three points. I know that I don't lose as much when I eat a lot of high carb foods. It is just a fact.

Excuses or Facts?

I lost .4 pounds....so almost one half of a pound gone! FOREVER! I'm not too upset about it. Number one because it is a loss....even it if it is a small loss. But, it could have been worse. I'm getting over the 'ick' (TOM) and I was sick for a good portion of the week. Not sick enough to lose my appetite, unfortunately. Sick enough to stay in bed for two days.....and sick enough to stop exercising. I'm struggling with trying to get back into the swing of exercise! That's the goal for the week!

So, did I just fill us up with excuses or facts? I'd like to say facts and I refuse to feel like it is excuses. It is a fact of life that some weeks I'm not going to lose as much weight because of outside forces. I'd say I had a few outside forces!

What a week!

This has been a crazy week for my diet/lifestyle change. I ended up sick....that cold that I tried to ward off just didn't stay away and I ended up sick....flat on my back on the sofa. This means no exercise. Unfortunately, my appetite was not affected...so I just wanted to eat and eat and eat! I tried to keep it under control...however with the no exercise in conjunction with that, I'm not sure how my week will be. Oh well...no stress and worries! I knew this wasn't going to be easy every week! I knew that there would be little bumps! I'm just getting tired of all these little bumps I've been hitting lately! Oh yeah, I started to feel better and bam...the ick hits! (TOM). Double wammy this week. I guess though that it is better to get it all done with and out of the way ONE week instead of stretch the misery into two weeks!

No matter.....I WILL perservere!

Weigh in!

Weighed in tonight with a 2.2 pound loss! I'm tickled pink! I was thinking a maintain! Or at the very best a small loss! So I was pretty shocked at my loss! I'm pretty confident that I can have another loss this coming week....as long as I don't screw it up.. Because I wasn showing less on my home scales a few days ago and bounced up...so I should with patience go back down easily! I'm not even going to let the ick get me this month!

Skinny thinking versus fat thinking

I was at work today and Deb, the gal I worked with ran next door to the library. SHe came back with a few Hershey 100cal bars. She gave one to me and one to Russ. Well, Russ ate his and then tried to take my 100 calorie chocolate bar (which I'm saving for AFTER my weigh in). He said, "You don't need it, your skinny!" I just started laughing becuase I'm still considered obese! (ok, 10 pounds less and I'll be considered simply overweight...) I've got about 50 pounds more to lose! And yet he called me skinny! (he's overweight himself...and when I commented on his skinny remark he was like, "to me you are") But it made me think about and the remark that I made back to him...which was "I may be skinny but I've still got a fat girls brain" How true how true! And it is making me think....how can you break the 'fat thinking' cycle? Will I ever get past it...will I ever truely feel thin?

Good quote!

A quote from Kim Lyons from The Biggest Loser Workout 2 is "Pain is temporary, but quiting is forever." That has really struck me every time I've heard it! It goes along with my musings on Lance Armstrong. But it can also be the sadness I sometimes get over not being able to eat exactly what I want...or the quantity that I desire. But those feelings will pass.....but if I quit, it will be a forever thing.

I'm struggling...I don't see the results that I want to see...at least on my home scales. What is getting me is that three days ago, the results were right there on the scales....and now the results are no longer visible! What the......

Revelations

I've noticed, just recently ...when I've been gaining and losing those same three pounds over and over. (and I've done it in the past also). That I post a nice loss....then I get complacent, relaxing my gaurd. And it's all downhill from there. Becuase once I relax my gaurd, I don't make the right decisions...because I'm "treating myself" or "just once won't hurt" or whatever excuses my little 'fat' brain thinks up. So I gain. The next week I'm motivated and I eat healthy all week....and lose....and that next week once again I get complacent! Yes, I must be a slow learner...I just figured this out! :-) It is however a long road....but I can see a difference in how I feel and my family sees a huge difference in how I act and my countanence.....so it is very well worth it!

I bought myself a good digital scale. At least I hope it is good! I know that when I get to the maintain stage that I will need to be religious about stepping on the scales. I will need to know if I gain weight...because if I start gaining, then I need to pull myself back to the program. I also know that my dial scale is nice...but I need a very precise scale to really watch when I'm there! AND I need to be in the habit of doing it already!

100 pounds!

I started my weight loss journey and started tracking my weight on my home scales.......according to my home scales, this morning showed me at a 100 pound loss! Ok, that's over a few years...but still!!!!!

Musings about my weight loss

I've been thinking a lot recently about my weight loss and my emotions. I've been stumped as to why I cry a lot when I think about it. I've come to the conclusion that I'm just so saddened by what I allowed to happen with my body. I basically commited a huge crime against my body. I allowed my weight to skyrocket to over three hundred pounds. THREE HUNDRED pounds! THat is 50% more than what my weight should be. I haven't had to lose just a few pounds...I have to lose a grand total of HALF of me! HALF of my starting body weight! That's incredible. No, that's despicable! I will also admit that some days, the thought of having to do this and watch everything I eat for the rest of my life is just so daunting that it saddens me. To realize that if I lose control for one week that I could start spiraling out of control again is just so scary that it moves me to tears! I miss eating what I wanted to and not worrying about every bite. I miss not having to journal every bite I eat. I miss it all....EXCEPT for my weight and the accompanying things that went with it...clothes that were too tight....being short of breath by just climbing a single flight of stairs....etc! Oh yeah, the benefits definitely outweigh the negatives, but I can't help being sad about it!

A while back I read Lance Armstrongs book...the first one. One of the things that I got from it was that his attitude had changed about training and riding his bike (obviously for the better since he went on to win Tour after tour). He alluded to the fact that when he was out training and even riding in the races that the pain was inconsequential. He had already lived through much worse pain AND the pain meant that he was alive and well. It made it easier for him to push through that pain to complete and do what he needed to do! I remembered that this morning whenI saw him interviewed on CNN...and all of a sudden it hit me. I need to exercise and workout with that mentality. No, I can't say that I've beaten down cancer and I've felt the pain and ravages of cancer....and I hope that I never do. BUT, each time I work out I should think about the pain that COULD come my way if I don't take every opportunity to strengthen my body through diet, exercise and healthy living. The pain of a strenuous workout should be welcomed and embraced simply becuase of what they are giving back to my body! And hopefully this new lifestyle will stave off some of these terrible illnesses (dibetes, blood pressure, etc etc etc)

Meanwhile, last night I was sooo craving something sweet and cakey! So I made a diet coke cake. It was yummy. Yes, I at one point shovelled cake into my mouth like a person starving. I did however get control of myself AND realized taht the cake in the kitchen was going to be too much temptation for me in the coming days. SOOO I packaged it up into packages containing two pieces (one for me and one for Todd) and I froze the packages and kept out enough for dinner! Out of sight, out of mind! For me, it is a temptation when it is out on the counter....impulse eats! This is frozen...and safe from those impulses....at least until I have another TRUE craving!

I was apprehensive when I stepped on the scale this morning....afterall, I had gorged myself on the cake. Before the cake eating I had ridden my bike for 30 minutes. BUT after the cake eating I did DDR for 45 minutess. Surprisingly enough, my weight was the same as yesterday morning! I do however know that I need to stay soooo on plan today! I don't want to use my flex points or anything today. I want to have a VERY good day! After yesterday I need to! Because I'm sure that two days in a row and the weight would start to rise! And that's NOT gonna happen!!!

I'm trying to stay back in the swing of exercising daily! I've done pretty good so far this week. I truely think that is where my weight loss is really based from! Yes, the eating is ultra important...but eating healthy alone .....very slow!

Weigh IN

I was scared....my last week as I've stated in previous posts was a little bit of a roller coaster ride. I lost big last week...and I celebrated. No, I didn't go out and have a whole cake. Heck, I didn't even have one piece of a cake. BUT, the choices that I made for the first 4 days after the weigh in were not good. I stayed within my points...but I did it by eating really odd. I would use 1 or 2 points for breakfast in the morning..... I ate one or two pieces of fruit for lunch...giving me a one or two point lunch. And considering I have 27 points for the day, I was ending up with Roughly 22 points to eat for dinner. That caused me to pull out all stops and eat what my heart desired. Yes, I stayed within my points...but it was lots of carbs (bread and potatoes) and very few fruits and veggies! And half way through the week, I saw that my weight had risen. Yes....like two to three pounds. It scared me. I didn't want to regain those same three pounds one more time! Heck, I'd already gained and lost them like 3 times! Anyway, I got myself in gear and tried to eat more wisely but I just feared it was too late to change the course of my week....I mean, three days to turn around 4 bad ones. So it was with fear and trepidation that I stepped on the scales last night at my meeting. I was hoping for a loss....crossing my fingers for a maintain....and praying that it wouldn't be a gain. I remained EXACTLY the same! I was so tickled! I know that I have to stay focused this week though. Becuase historically this last month I have had weeks were I maintained or lost or gained .1 or .2 and the next week I gained. I have to stay focused and really OP!

I'm proud that I turned myself around. I would have been pretty devastated to have gained again. I know that I would have caused it...but I'm so disgusted with the way this past month has gone....it's been a rocky road and an emotional one!

A nice ending to a bad start!

Half way through this past week I took stock and realized that I was eating out of control. Well, let me rephrase that. I was eating within points but I was making bad choices that made up those points. Around THursday I did this reevaluating and changed the rest of my week to make it healthier! I'm proud that I was able to pull it back together. I think it's a bit too late though for my weigh in. Am I going to give in...nope. I'm just going to stay strong for the next week!

I think one of the things I was doign wrong...I was eating so incredibly light for breakfast and lunch that it was leaving me 20-22 points for dinner. WAY too many....so I was able to have the 'bad' things but stay within the points. Not good!

Tonight I'm going to a meeting in which they always have dessert. It's a small group....so I know I most likely won't be able to resist. I do however have the flex points available...AND I have 8 AP's that I earned and haven't used today!

I still haven't gone back and read my 2006 entries. it think I REALLY need to do that. I think it will be good for me to reflect and see what worked...how I felt...what I was doing and how my body and pychee responded to it all!

OUCH

Exercised last night with the new Biggest Loser workout dvd. I've had the first one for some time and have used it....and liked it. So I was anxious to get the second one and use it. Last night was the big night! I chose about 50 minutes of stuff. Made it through the whole way through. Felt good, yep...worked up a bit of a sweat. Life was good. Wondered if it was really doing much....although I could feel it a bit during the squats and lunges. HOWEVER...today...eii yii yiii...sore sore sore! When I did it last night I didn't have my handweights handy so my arms didn't get the workout that they should have. SOOO tonight I worked out my core and arms!

Struggling right now...I really want to eat but have no points left! I've gone over by one point...however I did earn 2 AP's today (not many becaue 20 minutes of cardio...mod intensity and 20 minutes of weights....) I'll make it though...it's 9:30. Todd and i are going to head to bed to watch a movie in about 25 minutes!

Ate pretty good. Healthy stuff. I tried to curb my hunger about an hour or two ago by eating a clementine (actually 2....one point). It didn't work....I ended up eating a 100 calorie pack here a little bit ago. I'm proud that I tried the fruit first though!

Mental picture worth a thousand...

Tonight after dinner I was cleaning up the leftovers. I had decided to throw away what we weren't eating as it was something that wouldn't hold well...and neither of us would actually eat. SOOO....Todd had left and gone back to work and I found myself with the pan in my hand with a spoon greedily eating what was left in the pan. THe whole time I was standing over the garbage can poised to dump the contents. I was berating myself the whole time to dump the stupid contents....and I eventually did....but not before eating what probably amounted to an extra portion. Accckkk...where did my self control go???

Mental picture worth a thousand...

Whew!!!

I haven't eaten too utterly badly the last two days. BUT, I could have eaten better. Yes, I give myself a little leeway after my weigh in to eat 'what I want' and get it out of my system. However, today I kept mentally berating myself saying things like, "you would lose faster if you dind't do that" and "You sabataged this weeks weigh in....you may as well quit for this week". I know I need to break from that attitude. This diet/lifestyle is a change in how I think and how I eat and how I live my life. I REFUSE to deprive myself. I need to stop beating myself up for having those foods that I really love everyonce in a while. I need to keep telling myself that I'm not indulging very often and that when I do that it is not going to through my weight loss in a tail spin. The only thing that will throw it into a tailspin is if I do it ALL the time....and constantly!

That said...I was exercising earlier tonight (ok, I finally rolled myself into the living room and exercised at 9:15...just got done....it's 10:15.) and as I was exercising it came to me that all my XL clothes are starting to fit loosely! Inconceivable to me. Literally inconceivable. This from the girl that was wearing 3X clothes...some of which were tight! My mind is just having difficulty really accepting this. I know I've babbled about it a lot lately...it is just so mind boggling for me.

A New YEAR!

I can't wait to see where this year will take me in my weight loss journey! I plan on being at goal before the year is out! That is roughly 50 pounds! Well, that 50 pounds would take me to the top end of my my goal weight. I'm actually shooting for 60 pounds! I'm happy to say that this week I was able to lose 4.6 pounds! I've actually once again recouped my gain! This makes it the third time that I've lost these three pounds in a month! Lost...gained...lost...gained...and now lost again...WITH an extra pound lost! I refuse to gain those pounds again! PLUS, I'm 8.6 pounds away from being 200 pounds. Onderland is right around the corner!!!! I'm so close that I can taste it! Well...maybe I shouldn't use a food analogy! tee hee hee

Seriously though, I'm excited to see what this new year brings in my weight loss journey! I'm excited yet frightened. I was walking through the mall today and stopped in the clothing section. I was actually frightened of shopping. I know that my pants size is a solid 18..but that I can wear some 16's. However I was fingering the tops and this incredible feeling overcame me. I have no clue what size I am on the top. THEN it hit me. I was in the womens sizes....the fat ladies clothes. I've shopped there for so long (since I was about 13) that I dont' know anything else. I looked toward the 'regular' sizes but just couldn't make myself walk over. Yes, I know, I should have danced my way across that aisle and marched into that section because yes, I can wear a straight up xl now....and in some cases a Large. I didn't go. Maybe it was nostalgia. I think honestly it is fear of the unknown.

It just hit me....I need to stop thinking like a 'fat' girl. Yes, I've been overweight for more years than I care to admit. But I'm losing it....for the first time since I was in EARLY high school, I'm ready to shop (almost in some cases) ANYWHERE my heart desires. And sadly, I feel like an imposter. That's the best way to put it....an imposter. I couldn't go over into the normal sizes because I still think fat!