Saturday, March 12, 2022

Over the Hump

​I am hoping that I am over the hump of the slump that naturally occurs during a weight loss journey.   The hump for me is usually in that second  to third week of loss.  It’s that point where the excitement of the journey starts to wear off and the sheer immensity of the journey I am (once again) embarking upon hits me.  But I crossed over that hump and I’m on the other side still intact!

Week Three of my Weight Loss Journey 

Last week I wrote about my week two.  It was a seesaw of emotions for sure.  I was spot on with my efforts but the weight didn’t come back off!  In fact, I regained what I had lost in week one!  Can we say frustrating?  I tried to remind myself that my monthly  cycle was to blame (and I use the word monthly as it is more like every two months at this point….just come on and end already!).    But even knowing how my body reacts to my cycle, I was still discouraged.  I didn’t let up though.  No, I stayed the course!

I rolled into week three determined to stay strong and stay the course.  I am convinced that  my plan of lots of fruit and veggies and my weekend calorie goal of 1500 or under and my weekday calorie goal of 1300 or under is solid and a good one for me.  A nice balance of splurge and restriction.  And even though that 1500 (for me) won’t let me lose a lot of weight…it should at least keep me from gaining.  Yes for me, I typically struggle to even maintain my weight with any calorie intake 1500 or above.    I stayed strong over the weekend.  And on Monday my weight rigged itself back to what my previous weeks weigh in number had been.  I let out a huge sigh of relief and vowed to settle in for a work week of healthy eating.

I would love to say that my weekdays were all perfect. However there was a cheese incident.   One day for lunch I went to cut a slice of cheese to have with my lunch….totally accounted for and budgeted into my caloric budget.  But it tasted so delicious and I lost control of my addiction.  I didn’t lose control that day.  No I held myself to the single slice of cheese.  It was the next day that I lost control.  I ate my lunch and I did not have cheese on the plan but all I could think about was that cheese and how good it was.  I caved and had some cheese….and then some more…and well, I  ate around 500 calories of cheese!  I say around…I was eating out of control.  No counting, weighing or measuring.      I pulled myself out of my madness though.  It was a single incident during the work week.

Emotional Wreck

Jason and I went house hunting and toured some houses with our realtor.  We saw one that we liked, but there are some reservations. We are not moving on it.  The realtor advised us that that house will move fast (almost everything is selling within days).  Since we were not in love with it, we are holding off.  We are praying for the right house for us.  And in those prayers, if that is the right house, then we are praying that for whatever reason it won’t sell quickly.     I enjoyed our day of looking at houses…but stressed about finding a house and everything involved.

Work is continuing to totally stress me out.  Really badly! I am not even going to go into it the particulars.  Bad enough that I’m not able to sleep some nights with worry and the stress.  Some of their actions make me feel as if my job is no longer secure.  The things they ask us to do is near impossible.  And the instructions they give are faulty and if you ask you get three different answers, and if you ask for clarification well…it doesn’t go well.  (I’ve been reprimanded for pushing for clarification on something that was unclear and/or obviously incorrect….I’ve been on the team longer than most of my superiors…so know the program inside and out…and some of them seem to like to answer questions, not by saying ‘I don’t know but let me check’ but by making a decision on how they think we should proceed without checking with our clients or their coworkers. And in ways that I know will not work along side of other directives that we have been given).

Yesterday while we were house hunting we ended up driving through Sharpsburg, the town I lived in when I was previously married. We drove by my old home.  (My word he has it looking like some hillbilly place with junk out in the yard….ha). But that drive by sparked the conversation and memories.  And not the good memories…the negative.  And I started to cry…and couldn’t stop.  The mental /emotional abuse has obviously left scars that are still tender, just buried deep.  The biggest thing that I realized…it’s all making more and more sense.  I am just a doormat.  I am a bit of a doormat For this person in my life that I love (and I know they love me in their own way) that occasionally hurls negative comments at me.  Work that keeps pushing more and more work on me….yet seems to delight in telling me how I’m not doing enough or doing so much wrong.  (In fairness, most of my coworkers that are in my position feel the same way so this is not myself.   But I’m a doormat for my employer and they wipe their feet on my frequently.   I was a doormat for my ex husband for sure.     It wasn’t a pleasant revelation.   Even worse…..I have no clue how to not be.  I am just me…and apparently ‘me’ is a easy target for doormat status.

Week Three Weigh In

I had my official weigh in for my third week of this newest phase of my weight loss journey.  I wasn’t expecting much.  I have been up and down all week.  But step on the scales I did.  After all, I do it every day AND I needed to weigh in for my official weekly weigh in.  I am not a proponent of skipping a weigh in simply because I suspect it may be bad.  I want to see how bad so I can celebrate the next week when I see that ‘hopefully’ temporary gain disappear.  So even though I didn’t expect greatness, I stepped on the scale!  Ahhh I couldn’t believe my eyes.

I lost!  The weight that I had temporarily gained last week (most likely due to my cycle of ick) was gone.   Not only was that weight gone…but another pound had disappeared!   In total, during the last three weeks I have lost 4.7 pounds.  I’ll take it!!

I don’t know the answer to the Maryfran is a doormat problem, but I’m going to work on it.  My weight loss journey isn’t just about losing physical pounds.  It is about losing the pounds of baggage that I carry within me. It is about making me healthy inside and out.  I’m heading into week four of this new phase of my weight loss journey.  I’m excited to see what week four will bring me.   There may be more tears.  There may be sweat.  There may be less food than what I WANT.  But I know that I am planning to give it my all!  And in the back of my mind…I’m saying Geronimo!  Because yes, I have a real live goal/motivation!


jen said...

Well done on the weight loss in what has sounded like an emotional week.

Paula C said...

Weight loss is an adventure isn't it? I have been stuck. But I kept at it and my weekly weigh in was good. I lost 2 pounds. I just need to keep it moving in the right direction. Smart move on the house. Don't settle! When it is right you will know & it will work out. I think you need to stand up for yourself with the person you love. It is not okay for them to be cruel & say hurtful comments. Don't change yourself too much. You are a sweet & thoughtful person & we certainly need MORE people like you in this world. It wouldn't be a bad idea to brush up the resume. There are jobs out there. Where is Jason at with his new business? Maybe you should start a business together!

Mary said...

I read a book called Crucial Conversations that was helpful for work. For the person in your life who is mean, I hope you can just leave the room or the conversation. I'd want to ask, why would you think that's a good thing to say?

Lynn said...

I have bought a couple of houses that I didn't love. I love my current house. It appeared when I wasn't seriously looking. Then I left on a 2 week trip to Patagonia thinking that if it was still on the market when I got back I would buy it. It was. It was meant to be my house!

Mrs Swan said...

We have only bought one house. It was meant to be a starter house but will be an end house as well I predict. I don't know if we were in love with it but it fits the bill on things we wanted and we could afford it. We were young and had horrible credit and our rate sucks. Like we never should have been able to afford a house. Anyone that follows the collapse of the housing market in FL Taylor, Bean, & Whitaker processed our loan. We held on and even refinanced at 2 points! That was dumb. We have been here for 19 years this year and still have way too much time on the mortgage due to the refinancing. Ok a book you didn't need to read. Sorry LOL I was gonna look into something and at it to my post so you get these thoughs.
Wish i could help with work, I sure can cheer you on with the loss though! WHOO HOOO!!!!

peppylady (Dora) said...

Work Stress...
Coffee is on and stay safe

Anonymous said...

I'm sure you have heard everything about house buying!

Location! Location! Location!

Ask all the questions before signing papers!

How is are the neighbors? Do they get along with everyone on the street? Block? How many times have the owners have had run ins with anyone around them with police? Noise? Or even yard work..... sounds so silly but you never know who is right on the sides of you or around you.

Good luck!

Amy said...

As someone who began my first ever house hunt last year at this time, I feel your pain. There were some houses we wanted to see where we were one of 45 showings going through, and many were paying $20,000 over asking or paying cash, we couldn't compete. But while everyone was off playing on Memorial Weekend we sneaked into a lakehouse and we somehow got lucky. It will happen and it will be even better than you imagined. Trust me on this part, enjoy this time of not having to worry about things that could potentially go wrong on your dime. That, and not having to take care of the snow and grass are the only advantages of renting.
As for being a doormat...that's a self-worth thing. You deserve to have a job that doesn't make you feel this way. You deserve to have people treat you with respect. You can and must set boundaries as a way to show yourself kindness and as to reinforce that you are worthy of the life you want. Be honest with your feelings, people who really love and respect you will bend to your needs IF you tell them how you feel. If they don't, that means they don't truly love or respect you and THAT is your baggage, carrying the burden of feeling like you have to please others in order to be worthy of their respect. It's like that saying goes, life begins on the other side of your comfort zone. Be your own self-advocate. When that person hurts you catch them off guard by confronting them and telling them that their words don't inspire you to change but make you feel worse. And you really need a different job. Assume the culture will not change and start planning for something else. Life's way too short to be miserable!