Tuesday, February 21, 2023

This just Sucks!

 This really sucks!   It sucks bad and I don't like it!  Yet I have no control over it!

What sucks?   Watching your parents get old and start to suffer major issues with their health.   It was only 5 years ago that I lost my father.  It was difficult to watch him go downhill and pass away.  I thought it was the hardest thing I would ever have to face.   I was wrong.   Losing my dad was horrible.  But my father was cognizant and clear minded the whole way to the end.   

In July my mom had a stroke.  It left her quite immobilized and not in good shape.  It also brought to the forefront the true issue and that is that my mom had been failing for a while.  We saw signs and we were worried but they were always easily explained away.  The stroke laid bare this fact.   Mom is struggling cognitively as well as physically and it is utterly heartbreaking!   

It is also very stressful.   Last week there were some days and visits that were absolutely horrible for me.  I'm talking cry the whole 40-minute drive home horrible.  I came home one day and I had pulled myself together...somewhat.   I also ate.   I never binged.  But I just ate more food and the wrong types of food.  I didn't make good healthy choices.  

What in the world is wrong with me?  I'm watching my mother fail and I know that my weight is going to put me in a similar or worse situation.  I know that losing this weight is so important.  But same days the stress and the worry and the heartache overwhelms me, and I forget my own personal goals.

So, with a heavy heart, I will announce that I gained a pound last week.  I"m super frustrated about that.  

I'm not giving up.  This journey is so hard but so important!  I am worth it!   So here we go again with another week of trying my best!

In the midst of the stressful week, I took a 'mental health day' from work.  Jason is still off work so we took the dog into the mountains and explored!  It was good to be outside and clear my mind!!!  Zoey loved it too!!!


peppylady (Dora) said...

There nothing wrong with you.
Coffee is on and stay safe

Anonymous said...

Nothing wrong with you at all. You have to give yourself grace at this time. Just as your dad passing your mama is drifting away and that is sometimes worse. I know, I'm in it. Thickly. My parents have been declining on a daily basis. Falls and yes, memory issues. I can't even think of dieting at the moment. It's a pity party for sure on my end. I want to do good with eating but then I sit when everyone goes to bed and snack. BAD on my part! But we are the caretakers and it's damn hard.
I'm glad you took a day to yourself. We need them every once in a while.

Keeping your mom in my prayers and for you to give yourself the grace you deserve at this time.

Maryfran Clingan said...

Thank you!!!

Maryfran Clingan said...

Thank you! It is no fun and I am so sorry to hear that you are also going through such a horrible situation! Hugs and prayers for you and your family!!!

Amy said...

I can't imagine the tremendous stress that places on you! It's hard not to do the things that bring you comfort, even temporarily, in the face of stress. That escape to the mountains looks amazing! Glad you got a chance to get a little nature therapy! One pound is nothing and will flush away easily.