Thursday, July 14, 2022

The proverbial Rug

​I was so in line and going in the right direction…and then that rug was pulled right out from under me!   Yes…the rug was pulled out from under me and it totally messed with every positive thing I had implemented in my routine.

In my last post I was so positive.  I was tracking my food and watching what I ate.  I was working in the yard and doing Zumba.  I was hot on the trail of healthy living.   Things were going to ease up with time constraints and everything was fabulous!

Our apartment lease was up on July 2 and we made the last trip down…did everything we needed to do and said goodbye to that place!   I was so excited.  No more trips to Frederick to finish up moving/cleaning.  That would free up a weekend day!  I even made the comment  out loud,  ‘things will settle down now and we will have time to breathe’.   

Famous last words.

The very next day I received the type of  text and phone call that you never want to receive.  My mom was being taken to the hospital by ambulance.   I met her and my brother at the ER…and then they decided to take her by helicopter to a hospital 3 hours away, I followed as quickly as I could.

I had eaten nothing that day until I got to the hotel at 10…which is past my bedtime (hey I wake up really early every morning…).  Too tired to wait for delivery, I just ate some pringles/potato chips  that I bought from the hotel ‘kitchen/pantry’.   The next day my food choices were no better.  French fries AND onion rings from Burger King!  Healthy eating went out the window!  Ok, let’s be honest even being cognizant of my food choices was long gone also.   I ended up driving home and working Tuesday through Thursday..and then driving back to the hospital super early Friday morning.  I spent the three days at home  spending my time catching up from house chores that I had missed during the weekend and trying to get ahead for the upcoming weekend because I knew there was a good chance that I would be back in Pittsburgh at the hospital.  I ate snacks those three days.  I have long admitted that I’m a stress eater…so of course food was consumed.  And I was busy so no Zumba…and very little yard work was done by myself…I was busy doing laundry, getting groceries, cleaning, etc.

My second trip to Pittsburgh was no better with food.  I didn’t skip meals leaving  myself super hungry this time.  I just made horrible choices.  A cookie for lunch!  Why yes, that sounds delightful!  Why not do cookies again for breakfast!!!  Fried foods?  Why yes, I think I will!  My eating was ferociously horrid during my second trip to the Pittsburgh hospital also!

Mom has since been moved to a stroke rehab back here near her home.  A 30 minute drive for me.  So much more doable for visits.  So things have eased up.  But I remain stressed and worried about her.   I’m trying to pull myself back together in terms of my health…I’m really trying.  

Seeing mom struggle with a stroke has made me think more about my own health.  My weight is not healthy.  I am heading down a path toward health problems such as strokes, etc.   I know it.  Obesity is the pathway to so many debilitating and deadly diseases and conditions.  I know that I need to fix myself. My head is not in the sand. I know I need to change.

The problem?  My mind is at war.   The battle I am fighting you ask? The choice to: Eat what I want and feel the food addiction endorphins that make me feel better right now or eat healthy and feel better in the future.    On paper it seems clear….but it’s NOT clear in my head when it comes to actually making my food choices.  

I know I will regain my footing again…I know I can do it.  And I’m not promising that things will settle down…life doesn’t seem to work that way does it?


Liz Cockrum said...

So sorry to hear about your mom. My mom had a stroke a couple of years ago and is now living with me. The stress eating is a real thing! It is a survival mechanism for our mind, body, and soul. It's hard to retrain your brain to go for the health choice when your brain is busy being worried and concerned for a loved one. Don't beat yourself up about the choices you made. Take it one day at a time with small achievements. Although I have been able to get my weight down, I still strive to stay strong and healthy and not fall back in old habits. My mom's stroke drove me to eating and exercising better. Will keep your family in my thoughts and prayersđź’—

Amy said...

Oh MaryFran I'm so sorry to hear about your mom. I can't imagine the amount of worry and stress this has caused all of you. You will get your groove back when the time is right. Trying to restrict when you are still in the throes of a major change may lead down a worse road than just not focusing on food right now.

Tiffany said...

Sorry to hear about your mom that's tough. At least she is closer now. It's hard to beat food addiction but every little step you take goes toward big changes.

jen said...

With all that’s going on with your mum I can relate to the “cookie for breakfast”. Food addiction is hard.
As for all the emotions and “the right headspace” that’s even harder.
You and yours are in my thoughts, xxxx

SANRDJ said...

So sorry to hear about mom... sending her healing thoughts and you positive thoughts to guide you through this difficult time. It will get better....

Paula C said...

Oh wow. I am so sorry to hear about your mom. All I know about those types of phone calls. Scares that heck right out of you. Yes when parents are ill it certainly makes us review are mortality. I know that I really need to get myself together and start losing weight. I am getting older and I need really focus on my health. I am an emotional eater just like you are so I completely understand the mentality that comes
With it. Give yourself a break On how you ate over the last few days. Frankly with your mom going in the hospital and worrying it is understandable. Remember we always have a do over. We can st Remember we always have a do over. We can start again. Hope your mom recovers quickly.

peppylady (Dora) said...

Sorry about your mom. I think most of us would loose are footing after a deal like that.
Coffee is on and stay safe

Kerstin said...

I'm so sorry to hear about your mom! Sick parents is one of the hardest things we deal with as we grow older. As an emotional eater myself I completely understand the way you reacted to the situation, don't be too hard on yourself. Glad she is closer now and hope you can find a balance between being there for her and looking after yourself. Sending many healing thoughts for your mom xo

Anonymous said...

Yes, life throws us lots of curves...But you know they are coming (even though we don't know exactly what they will be) and the capacity of "choice" and "will" can forego any overeating. You have the choice on how to react to evey situation.