Not gonna let the Stress win

 I'm not giving up!   No way.  Now how.  Not gonna do it!

I'm feeling overwhelmed by life right now.  I feel like I am being pulled in so many directions.  I know some of it is my own doing.  I mean, I don't have to maintain my youtube channel.  I don't have to even post three videos a week.  I had taken a break and when I came back after my hiatus I had said "well just one a week".  But that just grew.  I enjoy doing it and it is good accountability....but it takes time.   Of course writing here on this blog/website is non-negotiable also.   This is my place to vent, to share, to be accountable.  To focus on where I am in my journey!    But I have so much else pulling me in so many directions and I don't know how to squeeze it all in!   It sometimes just adds to the stress. 

I woke up this morning and immediately my mind registered that it was Wednesday.   And I groaned and said (to myself as Jason was still asleep), "I hate Wednesdays".  Why do I hate Wednesdays?   I hate Wednesdays right now because it is a super long day for me and I usually end the day in tears, heartbroken and just an emotional mess.  Why is it so long?  It is a typical day that starts at 5AM and is pretty much non-stop all day long."  The difference on Wednesdays is that I go visit my mom. When I take that onto my day, it just makes a long day.   Honestly, the long isn't the worst part.   The emotional battle is the worst.  

You see, my mom is in an assisted living home.  She had a stroke back in July of last year.  Her rehabilitation has gone slowly, and she is still incapable of walking on her own....or even alone with the help of a walker.  She needs someone beside her when she stands and attempts to walk.   She has come so far from where she is...but is still nowhere near being capable of living with any semblance of independence.  Watching her with her lost mobility is bad enough but no where near as bad as it is.  You see, after the stroke we were forced to face what I had suspected even before she had her stroke.   We have been confronted that mom's mental capabilities have diminished.  Much more quickly after the stroke of course.  (Or maybe she just became incapable of hiding it after the stroke).  Before the stroke when I spent time with her I noticed her memory was not there.  She was struggling with basic functions.  You don't want to face the truth...so when I mentioned it to family members, we all just agreed that she was getting older and that she didn't have to be sharp as a tack and remember everything.   

After the stroke she was still doing really well.   She was sharp, maybe a bit forgetful but nothing that made us sit back and panic.  It was a few months after the stroke that she started to really show signs of diminishing mental capabilities.  By December I mentioned my birthday was coming up and she had no clue what day my birthday was.  In January she introduced me to one of the aides at the assisted living facility and told them that I was 37 years old.  Now I wish I were...but no, I am 50 years of age!  My brother has apparently been told that he is 34 years old (interestingly enough that makes me the oldest child now I guess).  She has days where she is clear and doing well.  But other days she is just whacky in the head.  It's heartbreaking to see.    We hope to find a valid diagnosis for what is happening...and that there is some solution. (she has some other issues going on that indicates that it may be something neurological).  But until then, I (we ) deal with the heartache of watching her decline. 

Add that to the financial strain we have after having Jason off work for so many months (immediately following the purchase of our house...) and I'm super stressed!

I haven't sunk back into a depressive state again.  But I can feel the tug.  I think my salvation right now is my daily exercise and that fresh air and sunshin (today was too cold though) that I get when I take Zoey out for her walks on my breaks.  As much as it makes my day more hectic, it is probably a good thing for MY mental state!

In the meantime, I am pushing foward and working to not let the stress derail me from the healthy path that I have chosen!   I am conquer this weight....even with the stress!

Time to check in with my weight

 It was a really good week. I feel as if i was able to keep my eating under control.  I made wise choices.  I stayed within the caloric/point range that I set aside!  I did indulge in a sweet treat over the weekend, but the indulgence was the single night. Even better, when the weekend was over, I was only up by 1/2 pound!  That is a huge victory!  Typically, on weekends I am up about 2 pounds and then spend the weekdays trying to play catch up!

Healthy Habits

I am doing fabulous with the three main healthy habits that I am working on! 

I have been doing amazing with the tracking.  I am like a machine!  I have actually been taking my tracking to a new level.  I have my food tracker apps that I use. I have my garmin app.  I have this app and that app.  But I made a spreadsheet and I am putting all of my stats onto one spreadsheet.  It has been amazing to be able to see all the stats in one place....and see how they correlate and work together (or against each other!).   

I have also been doing great with my water intake.  I was a little worried because at the beginning of March I decided to start to do Intermittent fasting and to do it RIGHT.  That meant that my morning flavor packs had to go.  I was nervous, but switched to lemon in my water and it has been going great!  I typically get my 64 ounces completed by the end of my day and then switch to my flavored water (which contains my vitamin pack).   SO, with this said, I've not only managed to make an even switch....but I have also upped my water consumption from 64 ounces to 72 ounces per day!

Exercise has been rough.....simply because my leg is acting up. NOt sure what it is doing.  But I have been having pain behind my knee.  Some days it radiates down to my calf...and other days up my thigh.  I can pretty much trace the pain, so I think it is a nerve or a muscle.  Jason looked at the back of my leg and saw a lump and some swelling.  For that reason, I have lowered my intensity level on my exercise by quite a bit.  I have also tried to limit how many squats and lunges I do.  I'm here to build my body not to tear it down.   So, working through the pain and restrictions have been difficult.  But I have managed it!   I am going strong with my exercise!

Weigh IN

Last week I had a fabulous loss, and I was worried about pulling another fabulous weight loss for the second week in a row.  But I vowed to hold it together over the weekend and do everything right.  Live but manage wisely was my motto!  And I am so happy to say that I lost 2.6 pounds this week!  YAY

I am pushing foward.  I am more determined than ever!

Achy But Not Giving Up

  
A few weeks back I stepped up the intensity in my workouts!  I was feeling it!  I was sore for sure, but I was loving it!    I was doing great!   And then it happened!  My leg started to ache!  My foot started to ache!  I was utterly miserable!  Yet, I continued pushing forward with my exercises.  I was on a roll, and nothing was going to stop me!  Famous last words that I should probably never utter again because every time I say that something happens to throw me off track!   (Here is an example from many years back). 

I wasn't going to let my streak of exercising and being on track with my health goals derail me.  So I continued onward, ignoring the pain.   But the pain kept getting worse.  The pain was mostly at the back of my knee.  But weirdly, the pain would radiate down through my calf and sometimes up through my thigh.  My Tarsal tunnel nerve started to bother me. (Yes, I've had problems with that in the past also).  Literally my left side from my thigh down just hurt!   I had Jason look at my leg and his concern was immediate.  He could see some swelling and a knot in the area where I was saying I was hurting the most.  Lovely!

I agreed that if it didn't clear up within a few days that I would go to the doctor/Urgent care!.   I was really crossing my fingers because I do not like to go to the doctor!   I also stubbornly didn't want to stop exercising.  I am in a routine with exercise.  I don't want to do it, but it is part of my morning routine, and I am doing well.  I knew that if I stopped, I would struggle to pick back up that routine!   I also am part of a step challenge that is taking place in the month of March. If I gave up my exercise, I would most decidedly fail on that step challenge!  Last but not least I am also doing my Project 50!  I didn't want to call it quits so soon!  Not when I am filled with this much determination!   So with some trepidation I continued to work out!  I did NOT push myself.  I have been choosing easier workouts.  I am doing exercise videos that don't push me quite as hard.   BUT, I am still working out!  I may not be as sweaty as before, but I am still up and moving!  I am proud of me!

SO how has the leg been?  I can definitely feel it during the workouts.  But throughout the day it seems to be a lot better.  I was talking to Jason last night and my remark was that "my leg just feels so tired".  It wasn't achy last night....just tired.  Which is honestly a really odd feeling to have one side of your body so tired and the other side ready to run a marathon (ok, maybe not thaat good but you get the idea!)  Jason looked at my leg and said that the swelling/bump has diminished.  It isn't gone totally....but it is looking better!

So, I am set to continue my lighter exercise routine!  Someday I'll get back to the higher intensity...in the meantime, I am just super proud that I am not giving up and that I am continuing with the easier exercise DVD's and Youtube videos.  I am also walking the dog a LOT.  Zoey and I are out there at 5AM and are out there a bunch of times a day.  I try to walk the whole time and if she is in a sniffy mood and just poking along I walk in place beside her!  I even sometimes run a bit with her! (Which she LOVES!)  Here is a 5AM picture of me!  Way too early to be outside I know!

A Change and a Weigh in

 I was thinking this week about some stuff and decided that I had to change a little bit of my plan to lose weight.  I'm not surprised though.  I mean, I have tweaked and changed my direction more times than I can count!  But change I did!  The question is if the change affected  the numbers on the scales!  

Intermittent Fasting

I have dabbled with intermittent fasting for quite some time.  It was a natural thing that happened for me before  even know what intermittent fasting really was.  I guess you can say that I was cool before the cool kids!   I have never been a big fan of breakfast so it just happened naturally.  I was all happy with my intermittent fasting.  I wrote about it plenty of times too! (as evidenced here)  All was going well!  But I never had the fabulous results that other people talk about when they do intermittent fasting.  

This week I was reading blogs and watching youtube videos and the intermittent. fasting concept came up a few different times.  Each time it was mentioned in conjunction with insulin levels.  A while back I had read a book that really resonated with me.  It was The Obesity Code by Jason Fung.  Everything in his book made so much sense to me!  It wasn't until this week that I realized (yeah, slow learner) or maybe was willing to accept that my intermittent fasting was not true fasting because of one little thing.  Sure, I wasn't eating in my fasting window.  HOWEVER, I had not given up my vitamin drink in the morning.  It is the trace minerals drink pack.  It's next to nothing!  I am a huge fan of these vitamin packs! BUt they are causing me to unwittingly break my fast way too early!

So this week I decided to try another intermittent fast.  This time I would be doing a clean fast!  No vitamin pack to break my fast!   Instead, I have swapped out my morning water with straight water with a fresh lemon squeezed into it!  Refreshing and NOT breaking my fast!    I am still doing the vitamin pack, but it is being drank after my fasting window is closed!

Project 50

On March 1 I started my Project 50 and I am doing great.  I am on track and completing every item!    I feel productive and accomplished!   I love the act of marking my tracker with my successes!!!  I know, I'm only a few days into this challenge.  But right now, I am totally determined to see it through to the end and see where it takes me!  

Weigh In

Today was my official weigh in and I was nervous.  Last weekend I indulged, and my weight actually went up!  SO, I spent my week trying to recoup from that gain!  BUT, when I stepped on the scale it showed me at a 2.6 pound loss!  Hip Hip Hurray!!!!  I am utterly tickled!  

I won't lie.  I do have to wonder what it would have been without my indulgent weekend!  It would have been spectacular I bet!  But I am not going to dwell.  I know that those indulgences are what will make this sustainable for a lifetime.  Utter restriction will NOT work long term for me!  That has already been proven! :-)

Weekend Ready

Jason has survived his first full week back at work (well, he has to make it through today but I'm fairly certain he's got it under control)!     I have survived my first week of taking care of our menagerie of animals which includes a puppy!  I feel as if I am on the go constantly.  I get my break from work and boom, it's time to take the dog out!  I rush in and see I have 2 minutes before having to be back at my desk, so I rush to flip a load of laundry or sweep the floor.  It's all go go go!  But I have also been surviving this first week!    That said....bring on the weekend!!!!

A bust and a fresh chance

 I am so excited about the month of March!  I am literally chomping at the bit to get it rolling!   Or maybe I am just anxious to put February behind me.  Whichever the case may be, I'm ready to get moving.

 Project 50

In my last post I wrote about my plan to start my very own Project 50 challenge.   I adapted some of the guidelines to make it doable for me.  I wanted it to fit my goals and my life.  I also wanted it to be a challenge for myself but yet also attainable!    I feel like I struck a really good balance with that.  I am also super excited to start!  I have a spreadsheet already set up and printed out for myself to track my progress.  I am pumped and ready to rock!  Now just to wait until day one!  Luckily, it is the last day of the month while I am writing this and thus, I start tomorrow!  Tomorrow starts this challenge!  I am feeling quite confident and capable!  Who knows, maybe when this is over, I will do a 75 hard!   But that is me feeling powerful before I even begin.  Let's get this Project 50 underway!   Bring it on!

A rough Month on the scales

February was a rough month for me in terms of weight.  I have been up a little on the scale and then down a little. It's been a virtual seesaw in regard to what numbers I see on the scale.  It's incredibly frustrating!    I am at least relieved to see that I did lose weight in February.  I am down 1 pound.   Yeah, I know...yay you dropped weight and anything other than a gain is a good thing.  But seriously?  One. Stinking. Pound?   Are you kidding me?  That is frustrating!  It is heartbreaking.  It angers me!

So, I have to be brutally honest with myself.  I have sunk back into the routine of eating spot on my plan throughout the work week.  But the weekends it's a free for all.  Ok, maybe not a free for all, but I do indulge a bit more than I should.  Last weekend I said I was going to have my sweet treat on Friday night and then leave the rest for Jason.  I was so bound and determined!   I had this in the bag!   One sweet treat and then done!

Yeah, that didn't work out in my favor.  I totally caved and cracked under the pressure.  I ate cake each night.  Yes, really!   

So t is with sadness and anger at myself that I announce that this 1-pound loss is 100% my fault!  I can't blame it on my intense exercise or water or any extraneous reason.  It was all me!

Change in Routine

Jason went back to work on Friday.  He was off 4 months literally to the day.  How crazy is that?   Zoey did not handle her daddy being gone all that time well.  She was heartbroken in the morning when he left and nothing, I did could drive her from her panic and upset that he left her.  (We spent a lot of time sitting in the driveway where his car is normally parked as she waited.)  She actually did pretty well during my work hours....kinda got herself under control and settled down.  However, by the evening she started pacing and worrying and trying to get back to the driveway.... she knew her daddy had been gone long enough.  And when he walked in the door, oh my word it was bedlam!  SHe went nuts!   

Yesterday was slightly better.  But she still went ape crazy when he got home!  For the next hour she had a bad case of the zoomies and literally was galloping in circles around the house.  I at one time tried to stand in her way to slow her down.  She just bypassed and went under the dining room table at full speed!   She can fit NOW at 5 months of age, but in a few months, she probably won't fit!  :-)

We are trying different techniques and diversions to help her get through this adjustment.  

Zoey isn't the only one that has to adjust.  Jason and I are both adjusting to this new routine.   People kept saying "oh you will be happy to have him go back to work and get him out of your hair".   Boy were they wrong.  I didn't want him to go back!  I miss him like crazy!    SO that is one adjustment.  The other BIG one for me is exercise.  I used to have time to exercise because he took care of the morning routine for the house while I disappeared into our exercise room.   That isn't possible anymore.  So I am trying to squeeze in 35-45 minutes of exercise before he leaves.  I'm trying to walk as much as possible with the dog.  No standing outside and watching her.  Zoey and I are walking and moving.  I'm making it work for me...but it is a stretch to squeeze it in!  

Life continues

Life is continuing onward.  It's crazy. It's busy.  It's mine.  I just need to adjust and adapt to everything and keep my health first and foremost in my mind!   I want this weight gone which means I need to make the sacrifices (I'm talking to you Mr. Cake)!

75 Hard or Project 50?

I have been seriously toying with challenging myself.  Seriously challenging myself with something like the 75 Hard or the Project 50.  

  It has been quite some time since I first heard about the 75 hard.  I read about it on a blog that I have followed for years.  I remember reading about it and thinking, "What an amazing Challenge, I should do it".  But then reality sets in and I look at the 'rules' and realize that doing the 75 hard would be HARD.  I am somewhat ok with most of the items but the two blocks of exercise one required to be outside has honestly been the deal breaker in the past.  I could probably have been on board without that one rule.  Let me share the rules of the 75 Hard.  You must do the following 5 things for 75 days straight. If you fail, you have to start over at day one.

    1.  Follow a diet plan

    2. Exercise 2 times a day for 45 minutes each time.  One of those times MUST be outside.

    3.  Drink 4 liters of water

    4.  Read 10 pages of a book daily.

    5.  Take a Progress pictures each day

 I see some merit to the 75 Hard.  It would be hard.  For me the hardest part would be the two blocks of 45 minutes of exercise with one being outside.  It would be difficult.  Quite difficult.  Which of course is part of the name.  But that said, I want a challenge, but I don't want something that I will fail at within the first week.   I seriously struggle with getting in my 45 -60 minutes of exercise already due to time constraints!  For that reason alone, I have always passed on the 75 hard.  It came back under my radar again a few days back and I gave it another look as once again I was tempted.   I have decided once again to not attempt the 75 hard.   My reasons this time are once again centered around the exercise.  Yes, it would be difficult and part of me thinks it would be too difficult for me at this point in my life...but it would be hard and would be amazing to complete.  HOWEVER, my reason for NOT doing it is something different this time.   My reason is that I am not sure that 75 days straight of 1.5 hours of exercise would be wise for my body in its current state.  My body is sore.  My body is aching.  My rest days are a breath of fresh air and give my aching knees and joints the rest that I need so that I can hit it hard when the rest day is over.  For this reason the 75 Hard will still be an elusive thought for me.  Maybe someday!

In the last year I have been hearing a lot about people that are doing the Project 50.   This is something akin to the 75 hard.  But not quite as hard!    Let me share the rules of the Project 50.  These rules are followed for 50 days. 

    1.  Wake up by 8AM every day

    2.  Complete a 1 hour routine each morning with no distractions

    3.  Exercise 1 hour each day

    4.  Read 10 pages daily

    5.  Spent 1 hour each day to learn a new skill

    6.  Follow a Healthy Diet plan

    7.  Track your progress Daily in a journal

Ok, this is a bit more doable!   But I have still had misgivings.  Once again, the EVERY day exercise gives me a wee little pause.  But secondly, it's the hour each day to learn that new skill.  I think the new skill is important!  In fact I am teaching myself to knit! (Hopefully within a year or so I'll be teaching myself to Spin wool.....dog fur chiengora to be exact!).   But I have so many other things.  I wrote recently about my dreams and thoughts and my desire to finish some of these books that I have half finished.  That takes time.  If I devote 7 hours to knitting, when will I work on those books.  It was a quandary for sure!

So.  I am going to do my own version of the Project 50.

   1.  Wake up by 8AM every morning. I'm just leaving this there because why not.  But I am usually up by 5AM and consider myself LUCKY if I make it to 6AM.  

   2.  Complete the morning routine with no distractions.  Jason and I are creatures of habit.  Our morning routine is pretty set in stone and pretty unshakable!  So this one will be no issue and I am just leaving it there so that I kinda resemble the original Project 50!

  3.  Exercise total of 1 hour 5 days a week.   This is a modification.  The original Project 50 is for 1 hour every day.     In my modification, I am pushing for 1 hour TOTAL of exercise on 5 days.  If I do a 45-minute exercise video in the morning, well then, I better get my butt moving for another 15 minutes during the day.  That alone will be a challenge.  Some days that 45 minutes alone is difficult.  So, stretching that to an hour will be a challenge!  

  4.  Read 10 pages daily.   This one also poses no problems with me as I almost always have a book in progress and it is actually a rare day that I do NOT read.  

5.  Follow a Healthy Diet.  This one should be easy.   I already follow a decently healthy diet so this is continuation of that AND encouragement to stay the course and not slip up!

6.  Track my progress daily.   I track some of this stuff already, so it should be no stretch to track all of this.

7.  A New skill.   The original plan was to work on a new skill for 1 hour each day.   And as I said earlier, this is the one that has held me back from attempting the Project 50.   7 hours is a long time.  I havve no problem with learning a new skill and spending time, but I know me and I know that dedicating an hour a day would result in failure.   So I am adjusting this a bit.   I am aiming for 2 hours a week to dedicate to this new skill of knitting.  That is a much more doable number.  

Bonus activities that I have added for myself. 

1.  20 minutes of activity on my off days from exercise.  That could be a walk or hike.  It could be a long romp in the yard with the dog.  Or a spin on the exercise bike.  Something active!

2.  Since I have cut down the hours to work on the new skill, I am adding in a word count for writing. My goal for myself is 5000 words a week.  

3.  No days less than 5000 steps.  I struggle some days to get my steps in!   So this will be a challenge on some days!  (those lazy weekend days!!!!)

So there you have it.  My own personal revamped project 50!   I think it will be a stretch!    Some days and weeks  are going to be hard!   But I didn't want to coast through because then it wouldn't be a challenge!!!!

I plan to start this on March 1!   This will run through to April 19th!    At that time, maybe I will reevaluate the 75 hard!  (maybe I'll make it my own personal 75 hard   or rather 75 hard-ish!) 

Feel free to join me on this project!   

This just Sucks!

 This really sucks!   It sucks bad and I don't like it!  Yet I have no control over it!

What sucks?   Watching your parents get old and start to suffer major issues with their health.   It was only 5 years ago that I lost my father.  It was difficult to watch him go downhill and pass away.  I thought it was the hardest thing I would ever have to face.   I was wrong.   Losing my dad was horrible.  But my father was cognizant and clear minded the whole way to the end.   

In July my mom had a stroke.  It left her quite immobilized and not in good shape.  It also brought to the forefront the true issue and that is that my mom had been failing for a while.  We saw signs and we were worried but they were always easily explained away.  The stroke laid bare this fact.   Mom is struggling cognitively as well as physically and it is utterly heartbreaking!   

It is also very stressful.   Last week there were some days and visits that were absolutely horrible for me.  I'm talking cry the whole 40-minute drive home horrible.  I came home one day and I had pulled myself together...somewhat.   I also ate.   I never binged.  But I just ate more food and the wrong types of food.  I didn't make good healthy choices.  

What in the world is wrong with me?  I'm watching my mother fail and I know that my weight is going to put me in a similar or worse situation.  I know that losing this weight is so important.  But same days the stress and the worry and the heartache overwhelms me, and I forget my own personal goals.

So, with a heavy heart, I will announce that I gained a pound last week.  I"m super frustrated about that.  

I'm not giving up.  This journey is so hard but so important!  I am worth it!   So here we go again with another week of trying my best!

In the midst of the stressful week, I took a 'mental health day' from work.  Jason is still off work so we took the dog into the mountains and explored!  It was good to be outside and clear my mind!!!  Zoey loved it too!!!

Weekly Weigh In

​It’s weigh in time….again.  And once again I was feeling not so confident about what the scales were going to say. I honestly didn’t have a clue what the scales were going to say.  No clue at all.  It was a complete mystery to me what was going to happen!

Scale Mystery

I have for a long time been someone that weighs myself  each and every day.   Without fail.  I weigh in each and every day.   It works for me.  It keeps me on target and on point.   I recognize that there will be natural fluctuations based on foods that I eat.  For example, I know that a meal that is high in sodium will affect me the next day.  I know that, and I know that it’s a natural part of life so I’m ok with those fluctuations.  I can see my daily weight and pinpoint the reason.  If it’s a natural fluctuation then that’s fine. But if it’s not a natural one then I can dig deeper to see what the issue is.   What did I do?  What did I not do?  What needs to be tweaked and adjusted!    It works for me.  It might not work for others but it has worked for me for quite a while. 

So then why do I have a scale mystery?  I have stopped weighing in daily.  Why did I stop weighing daily?  I stopped for the simplest of reasons…it wasn’t as easy.  My scales are in the master bathroom….and I’ve been using the hall bathroom.   The hall bathroom is small and there isn’t a whole lot of room (none) for a scale.  So it really is just ‘lack of convenience’.  I either have to undress, weigh, redress, switch bathrooms, undress and then shower.  Or I have to undress, weigh, walk across the house naked, shower.   Ok, neither one is a major issue.  One is simply more steps and the other one just means I have to be self conscious for a few minutes. But it doesn’t get done a lot of days.   And honestly, I don’t like it!

I don’t like not knowing.  I don’t like being in the dark.  I don’t like the mystery.  So I am making the commitment to start weighing again daily!   I have a feeling it will help me be a bit more on target with my eating and staying in my food budget during the weekend (weekends are my Achilles heel!)

Even without that, knowing where I am and how I’m doing will take away a wee little bit of my stress…and heaven knows I need a reduction of stress in my life!!!

Weigh In

Even with my feet I stepped onto the scales.   I was pleasantly surprised!    Very surprised!  I actually lost 3 pounds! Three!!!   AMEN!!!

That means that for the year 2023 I am just shy of having lost 10 pounds!   Go me!   

Zoey Update

Our baby girl is doing well.  You can tell she is settling in and starting to realize that this is her forever home.  We are working diligently to knock bad behaviors out of her. Things like; walking on a leash without pulling so hard that it near takes.  our arms from the sockets;  not jumping up (not good even now as a puppy that ‘only’ weighs 40 some pounds but a danger when she is full sized at and estimated 130 pounds),  and other basic safety commands.   Oh and we have thrown in a few tricks also.  She loves to shake hands….well she loves the treats she gets for it!     We have been taking her out walking at parks so she can get used to the people and dogs in life…and learn that she doesn’t run to everyone!   Some days are a pain, but we can see her progressing!

And yes….when we first got her we were firmly declaring ‘no dog on the couch’.  It only took three weeks to let her up.  (Let’s be honest…she was going to be there when we leave her alone in the house uncrated anyway!)

Dream It - Do It

I have been having some quite deep thoughts lately.  I have been thinking about where I am in life and where I want to be.  It's only natural after the year that I've had with it's up and many downs.  There have been moments where those thoughts turn darker, and I wonder why me?    I try to be a good person and do what is right and yet life seems to hand me lots of lemons.  I see other people out there on social media and other places waltzing through life and it seems as if everything goes their way. 

I know, I know, Social media is not always a true representation of everything.  Most people are not exactly forthcoming with the truth and only post the good.  And furthermore, the truth is usually only a half truth.   But it's so very difficult to see someone write about taking up painting one week and talking about their first ever painting.  The very next week I was seeing them post about how they decided to sell their paintings and they are selling like hotcakes.  Really?  That's not how my life goes for me!   I see people talking about writing their first book.  Setting up their own business.  Paying off their house early due to their side hustle.  Your name it it's out there and other people are doing it.  But yet I sit here stagnant.  I'm not making money on a side hustle.  I'm not learning to paint one day and selling it the next.  Well then again, maybe I should attempt to learn painting.  Maybe....  Ok, maybe not.  But it does make me question why things seemingly fall into place for so many while I am left floundering. 

Even as I pondered these other people and their successful ventures and lives, I realized what was different.   They had the ability to dream!    As my thoughts about dreams poured through me I experienced the familiar pangs of self-pity.  I started to think about my life and what I typically do.   When I was younger, I had big dreams.  I wanted to teach school and have a family and change the world.  I grabbed the bull by the horns, and I followed my dream to teach school.  I have written about my experience with teaching.  It left me a royal mess emotionally.  You can read about it here if you are interested.   Teaching turned out to be a failed dream.  Motherhood was also an elusive dream.  My ex-husband knew about that desire and trampled all over it.  I guess it's no small wonder that my marriage to him failed.  (I'm 50 years old now.....too old to try for a baby!  hahaha)     My two biggest and all-encompassing dreams died and withered on the vine. 

For years I was afraid to let myself dream.  I honestly had no dreams of major goals in life.  You see, if I had them, I would just be opening myself up to pain and heartache.  That is what had historically happened, so why would anything else be different.  And the while the fear of failure was and is still looming within me, I can recognize that I need to face the fear of failure and allow myself to dream.  I need to allow myself to set goals.  I need to allow myself to try!   You see, I need to not only dream it.  I need to Do it!

I have tons of projects in my life that I need to finish.  I need to put myself forward and say "I am doing it and I'm going to follow through and do it to completion."  I have had fantastic ideas!  But I've always tamped them down out of fear.   (I still love that idea to create a company to have educators dress up in historical clothing and teach lessons to elementary kids.  Learning from an actual reenactor is so much better than learning from a book!)  Occasionally, something will slip by me, and I'll do something and put myself out there.  But I never push hard to make it a true success!  

I started  youtube channel.  Much like I this blog, the youtube channel is an accountability tool for my weight loss journey.  I have reached about 800 subscribers.  People that joined at the same time as me have 4-5 thousand subscribers.  (You can reach monitization at 1000 subscribers).   I'm not saying that those people are making a ton of money, but it would be nice to make something for my little side hobby.   (I'll keep doing that and this blog because it is good for ME regardless of money).  

I wrote a book.   I have it published on Amazon.com.   I am quite proud of the fact that I did that.  I put myself out there on a very small scale.  I sold a few copies here and there.  But I never pushed it or promoted it.  So, it really was just a dream that I started but I never really DID!  But what about all those things that I have thought about and never done.  Those things that are a glimmer of a dream, but I've been too afraid to finish. 

20 years ago, I wrote a children's book.  I did it as a joke but an elementary school teacher that I knew read it and begged me to publish it.  Yet the book sits in a folder in my file cabinet gathering dust.   When I was at the pinnacle of my first weight loss attempt and basking in the glory of my weight loss transformation, I started to write a book on losing weight.  Not the particulars about how to lose weight, but more on how to get your mindset right.  I've picked it up and written a bit more here and there.  I just recently glanced at my outline, and I am SO close to being done.  A few times over the last few years I have thought about finishing it.  But it continues to sit in its three-ring binder.   I also started a book that I refer to as my 'diet-ventures'.   It's all those funny and crazy things that have happened to me during this mission to lose weight and be healthy.  Yet, the idea and the writings that I have sit in a file on my computer.    What is wrong with me?   

I'm afraid to Dream It and I'm afraid to DO it!   

Last year though, something changed for me.   I saw something about a miniature competition.  I love my miniatures, and something prompted me to enter the competition.  I worked on and off all year long.  (Mostly off until fall when I realized that I was nearing the deadline).  I actually followed through.  I had a dream that I was going to do something worthy of submission and I followed through and did it.  I didn't back off. I submitted my entry!  I did it!   I am still waiting to see if I won...or even got any honorable mentions.  But that's ok.  I had a blast doing it.  I followed through.  I dreamed it. and I did it!  

It is time to not only dream, but it is also time to actually do!   What does this mean for me?  Well, I'll be continuing to write here.  I like writing here.  This is my accountability and my place to write out my feelings and thoughts.  It's cathartic for me.    But what else does it mean?

1.  The Children's book - It means finding an illustrator.  Or maybe actually trying to illustrate it myself?  (ha).    

2.  The Weight Loss book - Finish those areas that need written (it is probably 90% complete in its writing) and start to reread and fine tune and get it proofread.  Ultimately, get it published.

3.  The Diet-Ventures - Finish writing the ventures.  I am probably 1/2 way through writing it.  Edit/proofread and of course published.

4.  NOT drop the ball on promotion for these books when they do get to the publishing stage. And yes, most likely they will be self-published again which means I have to do more marketing myself. 

5.  That miniature contest that I entered for 2022, well I already have the base and made the commitment to submit an entry in 2023!

6.  Commit to building my YouTube channel.  Give it a serious go to see if I CAN build it and if could be something more than an outlet for my personal accountability.  Man, does that mean have to get brave and post it on my Facebook page and let the world see it also?  I have historically kept not only my YouTube channel private and separate from my friends and family (of course Jason knows....and some other members of my family also know, but as a general rule, not many people in my real life know! Likewise, I didn't make it public knowledge about my book that I published.  Fear of letting others see me fail!)

I think that's enough for now.  In fact, that's not too bad for a gal that has been afraid to dream for ages!  Or maybe I should say been afraid to dream and fail!  

it was only

​I had another week where I felt like I was mostly on plan with this healthy living thing.  I also just felt like I was not going to lose any weight.

My week

I was on point almost the whole week.  I had one weekend day where I was a bit higher and a bit over my food budgets but for the most part I was spot on.  I am following the WW plan and that gives A person some weekly points for this extras…and I like to think to ‘live’ so I was actually ok.  

My water consumption was a bit spotty.  I made my goal most days but missed it a few times.  

Exercise I blew it out of the water with a victory!  I did great!  I even upped the intensity with going from aerobics to step aerobics!  It is amazing how something as simple as adding a step up and down makes a difference.  I was doing Zumba and other cardio workouts and many of the steps are similar…except for the step up and step down that is incorporated.  It makes a huge difference in intensity level!!!   I’ve been having a blast!

So my week was mostly victorious in terms of the healthy habits that I have been working to incorporate into my life!  So I have no clue why I was so nervous about any weigh in!

Stress

When will the stress bus leave me alone?  It’s been one thing after another…some things linger…some come and go.   

*Mom’s stroke and her rehab and current t state of course lingers.  

* I had that situstion with my work that started last July with uncertainty about the stability of my job and if I would have a job after the beginning of October

* and of course let’s not forget Axe Boy and his run in with an axe….and of course his long time off of work (he is still off work…it will be at least 4 months off work before he goes back…if he goes back after his next doctors appointment.  

So I’m still struggling with the stress of mom and  still stressed about Jason’s injury and the ongoing single paycheck family status for us.  The work thing righted itself and my job remained secure.   Until Friday when they called us into another meeting.  My current team is now being disbanded…”they are trying to find positions for everyone…but no guarantee and in fact maybe you should look for a job.”  I’m stressed!   

Weigh In 

So I had my weigh in.  I only lost 0.6.  I lost a stinking half pound!   Only a half pound for all my hard work!  What is up with that!   It’s super frustrating!  I wanted to scream with frustration at the scales when I saw my piddly weight loss.  

Even as frustration poured through me, I kept telling myself ‘it wasn’t a gain’.   The only failure is a gain!  A maintain is a victory.  A loss of even an ounce is a a victory!   So being disappointed by a half pound loss is stupid.  But it’s human!

It’s Only

Even as the disappointment settled within me, I turned to closing out my January and calculating my total loss for the month.   I ended the month with a 6.6 pound loss.  Once again I felt disappointed because I wanted more.  And 6.6 seems so tiny.  But then I started to think about something. 

6.6 pounds in one month…if I lost that every month this year…where would I be???   Not good at mental math?  That disappointing monthly total multiples by 13 is 79.2 pounds!  What!!!!   It’s only 6.6 pounds and it would equal 79.2 pounds.  That would put me very close to goal weight….by Christmas!!!  All for a disappointing 6.6 pounds each month. 79.2 is not disappointing!

That made me think about that 0.6 pounds.   If I just say I lost a half pound….that is shameful right?   But in a year ‘only’ a half pound would equal 26 pounds!   That is not shameful at all!  I’ve gained 10-15 pounds in one to two weeks!!!   

So instead of saying ‘it’s only’ we need to look at the long term and see about how it adds up in the long run!!!

Stepping Up

​Where does time go?  I’m telling you!  I blink and the day is gone!  Life is gonna slow down at some point right?

I have been doing Zumba and some dance aerobic classes through some YouTube videos.  I’ve gotten some good workouts but seriously, I have upped the intensity of my workouts this week.  I did it inadvertently.  Late last week I was thinking about my trunk of fitness stuffZ. I dug in and found my old exercise workout dvds!  I also found a whole bunch of other stuff.  I will probably pull that out at a later date.  I was excited about my old friends, the dvds!

The first dvd I popped in was a step dvd by Cathe Freidrich.   I remembered that I really liked her style.  The way she leads is easy to follow.  Through her videos I never felt totally lost.s. Maybe one step behind on occasion but her calling of the steps is so spot on that it is rare to miss a step!     I was once again hooked on step aerobics!  Sadly enough, I got rid of all of my VHS exercise tapes…so I only have one of her videos!  Im kinda bummed out about that.  Eventually I will have to add more to my collection or just pay the monthly fee for her website.  I will most likely just buy the dvds as needed.   

I also did a straight aerobic dvd.  It wasn’t as high intensity, but it served its purpose…and it was so crazy to listen to the dvd after years of it being in storage. Im telling you…it was like visiting with old friends!

Needing something different I was trying to find a Cathe step class online (nope she doesn’t have much in the way of a complete workout posted on YouTube).  I somehow stumbled upon CDornerfitness on YouTube.  Here style of leading is spot on and she calls everything a step ahead just like Cathe so that she is easy to follow.  (At least the two workouts that I have done thus far!).   Best part about it?  She posts full workouts for free.  Like she has hundreds of workouts.  Lots of step…but lots of other styles of exercise classes also!  Yay!!   What a find!!!  https://youtube.com/@CDornerFitness

So Zumba…and these other videos I’ve done have been good.  But adding the step totally upped the intensity!  I am sweating harder from the exertion with the step aerobics.  I am more sore (muscle achy sore) after the workouts also!  Love it!  

I had a bad feeling

 We had another busy weekend!  When will things slow down?  Will they ever slow down?   It was a good week overall though!

Zoey

We had another fun week with our puppy.   We have had her for three weeks now and she is settling in.  She is a bit of a ham and comes running up to the camera, so I have to be sneaky with pictures!    When we got her, she was right at 32 pounds (at home weight).  She went to the vet a week after we got her and she was 34 pounds.   SHe went back to the vet this past week and she is now almost 42 pounds.  My girl is growing like a weed!

She is learning lots of new things.  Important things actually.  We continue to potty train her.  She is pretty good with that.  She just needs to figure out how to tell us she has to go potty.  She goes into the kitchen and stares at the door, but that is not a feasible method since we can't see her if she is in the kitchen.  So currenty we are jumping up and running to look to see if she is staring at the door.  We have jingle bells on the door which we rattle each time she goes out.  SHe has rattled it two times on her own and we have immediately taken her outside but she just plays out there on those trips.  SHe will get it....I hope!   She is also learning to not jump up on us.  As a puppy (albeit a big puppy) it's not too bad, but she is growing and will be well over a hundred pounds.  We can't have that much dog jumping up on us.  We have been working on how to walk on a leash without pulling our arms out of the sockets.  Newfoundlands are noted for being awesome at pulling....so it is her nature, and we are trying to break her of that.  We have been talking about getting her into drafting......pulling a cart.  But that won't come until she is at least 18 months old and her body is done growing and her bones and muscles are ready for it!  She is doing well! 

She enjoyed the 4-5 inches of snow that we got on Wednesday.  She was running and leaping in the air.  I honestly think that may have been one of her best days thus far in her life. 

Exercise and food

I have been doing great with my exercise and food.  I have been super consistent with my tracking.  I track each and every bite that I eat.  I have managed to keep my points within my target range for al but one day.  The day that I wasn't in my range was calculated and planned.  I also have my weekly points so that is what I used to cover my overage.  So I did great with eating.

Exercise I also did fantastic with.  I have remained consistent with my efforts and have exercised each day that was planned.  I did take some time off over the weekend to allow my body to heal.  I plan on doing that again this weekend.  My legs feel heavy and cumbersome, so I know it's time for a bit of a break!  I will still be walking the dog and doing other stuff...just not squats and jumping jacks and whateer else the youtube workout videos throw at me!  

Weigh in

I was nervous about this weigh in.  SO nervous.  I have not been weighing myself daily like I used to. It's not that I don't want to.  It's simply that I have been using the hall bathroom and my scales are in the master bath.    So it was with fear and trepidation that I stepped onto the scales this morning.  Sadly, my fears were founded. (Don't ask me how I knew that it was not going to be a good week on the scales...I just had this gut feeling.)  I gained a pound.  

I am bummed.  No gain is ever welcome.  A maintain is hard enough to bear, but a gain?

I am telling myself that it's ok.  I know that I lived a healthy and fit life this past week and that the scales WIL catch up.  My main goal is to be fit and healthy and i did that.  The numbers on the scaes are a bonus whenever that happens.  The main thing is to stay consistent!  I'm not letting that number on the scale derail me from the good that I am doing!  So full steam ahead!

Have my cake and eat it too

 I am still at it!  My absence did NOT mean that I have fallen off the bandwagon.  It did not mean that I have given up and started to shovel food into my mouth at some insane rate of speed!  Nope, my absence is simply that I have been busy!  I have continued to work my healthy living plan and I'm doing well!

Healthy Habits

I continue to work on the healthy habits. I feel like I am nailing them.  I have some slips to report, but overall, I feel as if I'm doing great!

 I am continuing to track all of my food.   I do great with this!  I am able to keep myself within my food budget most days.  I usually have one day on the weekend that is a bit higher, but I'm actually really cool with that!  I have always adhered to a 'cheat day' mentality.   Even though I hate the word cheat....I have a day where I kinda do what I want.  I don't worry about the calories or points.  I feel as if this is important for the longevity of this lifestyle.  I know for me saying that I will never again eat pizza or that I will never have cake again is utterly preposterous.  That is not sustainable.  I also know from experience that I can abstain and lost weight.  But when I lose the weight I will dive back into those unhealthy options and unhealthy habits face first.  So I am working to learn to have my cake and eat it too!  So I did have cake over the weekend.  I did have a day where my points were kinda high.  And that's ok!

I am continuing to work on getting at least 64 ounces of water each day.  I am pretty consistent with this now.   I don't have to give it 'too' much thought.  So it really is becoming a habit!  I am still flavoring my water.  I use a trace mineral vitamin packet in the morning.   I have been doing that since before Covid .   At first I was more sporadic but once covid hit, I became quite consistent with that.    I also use flavor packs for my water throughout the day.  Each packet flavors one bottle or 16 ounces of water.  I use one flavor packet to flavor a 32 ounce container of water.  SO not too bad.  I am working toward eliminiating that flavor packet and only have my morning vitamin packet.   In time.  Right now I"m just happy to be getting my 64 ounces of water even if it is flavored.   

There was one day where I did not get my water.  I got up to about 32 ounces of water and prepared my next 32 ounces of water. I was going to take it with me when I went to visit my mom.  I was about 30 minutes down the road when I realized that I had left it on the kitchen counter.  Ooops.  I didn't get home until about 8:00 or 8:30 and I was NOT going to chug 32 ounces of water before bed. (We go to bed early as the morning alarm goes off at 5AM and I"m usually up before that).  I dind't want to have to get up numerous times to go to the bathroom.  THat's annoying for me....and Jason who has his sleep interuppted when I get up out of bed.  It wakes up the bird...who needs sleep so he is not a jerk!   AND it stirs up the puppy who sleeps in a crate in our bedroom.   And when the puppy gets stirred it means a trip outside.....it's winter and cold!  So I readily gave up my perfect streak of water consumption.   The good thing?  I was right back at it the next day and I"ve not looked back and didn't let that one day mess me up!

Exercise has also been going really well!  I have been exercising consistently!  I have even added in some strength training!  GO me!   My steps have suffered a bit.  The first to weeks of the year I was doing GREAT with getting my goal of 8K steps a day.     A lot of that was procurred during my exercise time. (I do youtube videos......).   I was doing great!  BUT, I knew that I needed to work on some resistence training.  So i backed off on my cardio videos and added in some strength training videos.   The problem?  Strength training doesn't give me the steps.  I didn't hae the time to add the strength training in on top of the cardio.  So I opted to back off on that goal and be more well rounded in my workouts!  

So the healthy habits are going really well!

Puppy life

The puppy is doing well.  She is so cute!  It's cold outside though!  It's miserable to take her out sometimes.  We didn't think through the fact that we don't have a fenced in yard!  So we have to be out with her!   She has bad separation anxiety anyway!  So even when we try to put her on the lead and go inside and watch from the warmth, she just comes to the door and cries.  Yeah, breaks our hearts also!  So outside we go in the cold. (and rain on a few occasions). 

Axe Boy

Jason is still not back to work.  His foot is slowly healing and at his last appointment the doctor was surprised that there seems to be more function than he originally thought Jason was going to get.  This leads him to believe that the tendon was possibly NOT cut the whole way through OR that it was cut but somehow the ends have fused together on their own.  (The MRI was inconclusive.....it looked as if it was severed but it was not a 100% certainty.)  So the doctor wanted Jason off for 6 more weeks.  (he still is in PT to get more function to be able to actually do his job).  He goes back to the doctor on Feb 13.   His being home is nice.  I like having him in the house while I"m working and spending my breaks with him.  It is also perfect timing to get a puppy since he has time to work with the puppy.  It's not perfect timing financially as we just bought a house.   At least Jason can drive now himself.  The first two months or so were rough as he couldn't drive and I was waiting on him hand and foot as he was supposed to be off the foot 100%.

Weigh in

I have been weighing myself on Fridays.   Surprisingly, I have been staying away from the scale most other days. FOr me this is weird because I have always been a daily weigh person.  And some days it drives me crazy because I am in a state of panic about what my weight is doing.  (I don't torture myself; I just go and weigh myself that day for a check). This past Friday I weighed myself and I was down more!  I have lost 7 pounds since the beginning of this year!     I have the momentum and I am determined!

The days are just flying by!  I blink and it's the next day.    I am still trying to do it all and juggle everything.  Some days I feel as if I'm failing miserably and some days, I feel like I've got this thing called life licked.  I'm trying to not let life get to me.  I'm trying to not get overwhelmed.  I'm just trying to take one day at a time!!!

An Extreme Way to get steps!

Here we are and we are already closing out the second week of the new year!   Let me tell you, it has been a super eventful first two weeks of the year!   I've been killing it with my weight loss efforts.  We added to our family.   It's been....well it's been nuts!

Exercise

I have been absolutely killing it with my activity levels this year!  At the end of December I started to get things ready and lined up.   There wer some changes with furniture coming and I was losing my dedicated spot in the living room to do my exercises and really spread out.  So, I got a tv and made a nice spot for myself in our nearly empty family room.  (Nope, not much furniture in there yet).  We also got some bowflex adjustable hand weights.  I used my money from work (they give a certain amount of money each year that we can spend toward something fitness related....weights...bikes...fitness watches....gym memberships, etc).  So I knew that come the new year that there would be NO EXCUSE!    I also joined a step challenge on Youtube.  My personal goal is 8K steps each day.  That doesn't seem like a lot...but for someone that was struggling to get past 3k steps and whenever I managed to get to 5K I thought it was a big deal.  Thus, you can see that 8000 steps is ahuge thingfor me!   I started on the first of the year and I have been absolutely slaying the exercise/activity!  There is only 1 day that I have missed my 8K steps!  But when I average it out, I am KILLING it!   I have also chosen to do some type of formal exercise every day!  And the only days that I have NOT done something in terms of formal exercise are days where my steps are already through the roof.   BY formal exercise I mean a workout video....zumba, walking video....something like that.     My steps have increased and while my legs hurt the first few days, they are slowly getting better!   I was so determined to get my steps that I went to the extreme!   

New Family Member

About a week ago, Jason came flying into the office. He had found a Newfoundland puppy!   Now let me backtrack a bit.  I have ALWAYS known that Jason wanted and planned to get another newfoundland.  His first newfoundland had passed away before I met Jason and on one of our first dates (I think it was date number two) we actually had a conversation about my feelings toward big, slobbery, hairy dogs.   (I wonder if he would have halted and had no further dates if I had said that it would be an issue.  HMmmmmm )   So I have always known that it was just a matter of time before this would come to pass.  While we lived in our apartment he talked about it and actually switched to other dog breeds. (our apartment had a 40 pound weight limit for animals).   We finally got our own house...with land and I knew he would ramp up the talks!  Recently he had started talking about a rottweiler.    I knew it was coming soon.  I have even laughed and said "I expect you to come home from work one day with a puppy int he car...something that you run into in your travels to peoples houses".    So when he came flying into my office I wasn't surprised!  We went to see the puppy that night and the next night we welcomed a 33 pound newfoundland puppy into our house!

Meet Zoey. She was born September 19, 2022 and currently weighs 35 pounds. (She will weight over 100 pounds when she is full grown).

So there has been lots of dog walking in the yard. (the yard is not fenced).   OK, maybe getting a puppy is a bit of an extreme way to get more steps!  

Eating and Weigh In

My eating has been doing really well.  I have been tracking EVERYTHING and I've been managing to stay within my points budget most days.  I have had a few bobbles.  But I have always said that I am not striving for perfection, I am aiming for sustainability! What I have done the last few weeks have been perfectly sustainable!

So how have I done on the scale?   Well I have dropped just about 5 pounds in 13 days!  I had a moment of disappointment when I stepped onto the scale and saw a loss of just shy of 2 pounds for this week.  I wanted more!  But 2 pounds (1.8) is quite respectable and is a very healthy rate to lose weight!  So I will take it!

Life is still extremely crazy.   I'm trying to shuffle so much. I'm stressed about so many things.  But I am determined this year to take care of myself first and foremost!   Thus far I'm winning!

Happy 17th Blogiversary

 Oh my word!  Has it really been 17 years?  It surely has!  I started this blog in January of 2006 and I have maintained it  ever since then, even if sometimes sporadically.  

This blog has been so much to me.  It was the outlet for me when I was first figuring out this weight loss thing. I was a large girl when I first started this blog!

 This blog was my salvation!  It was my random thoughts as I learned how to eat healthy.  It was my outlet as I figured out what plans and techniques to use to lose weight.  I celebrated my successes and temporary failures as I lost a LOT of weight.   I actually even lost down to my goal weight with weight watchers!

This blog walked with me hand in hand when I went through my divorce.  It followed me when I was falling in love with Zumba.  It was there when I  was running consistently.

This blog has also been there as I've regained more weight than I want to admit...but pictures don't lie!

This blog has been there through the good times and the bad times for sure!   I know most of the people that started out blogging when I did have left the scene, but I'm sticking around.   

I sometimes get so mad when I try to find something and can only find videos.  Maybe I'm old fashioned but I like to read my information sometimes!  So I wil continue to write.   PLUS, writing for me is cathartic.  It allows me to process things in my head.  It allows me to work through problems.  Plus, I have this weight to lose!!! It allows me to see things more clearly!  So here I am....ready to keep writing!  Lets make it to 20!!!! (and beyond!)

Happy New Year

 

Closing out the Old Year

 Here it is, the end of the 2022 already!  This year has been a crazy one.  We searched for and bought a house.  My mom had a stroke.  Jason had an unfortunate meeting with an axe.  Worry about my job.  Jason being off work indefinitely.  Yeah, it's been a nuts-o year!

In December, I have started to work on healthy habits.  I've managed to get back into the habit of tracking my food.  I've also managed to get back into the habit of drinking at least 64 ounces of water!  

I also ate cookies.

And apple dumplings. 

We had a nice Christmas and enjoyed the snow storm that came a few days before Christmas.  It was neat to see our house covered in snow for the first time!

Oh yeah, and I gained weight this year.  Not a whole lot....about 5-10 pounds.  Ok, who am I kidding...that's bad enough!

As the year closes, I don't plan on making promises that the year 2023 will be fantastic.   Many of the same stressors that I have going on right now will still be around.  The hectic aspects of my life will still be around.  BUT, I am making a promise that I will work toward being healthier in this upcoming year.  SUre, I would like to say that I'll lose 50 pounds...or 75 pounds....or however many pounds.  But I"m only vowing to be healthier!  I have a few things up my sleeve...which we will discuss soon!  

In the meantime, I'm just settling in for the last few days of this ride called 2022!

Merry Christmas

 

New Habit Progress

This month of December is full of building (rebuilding) healthy habits!  I started with tracking my food ad drinking water at first.  But then last week I added a new one!  The questions is how did I do?

I continued tracking my food.  I'm back in the grove and it has truly become a habit for me to track every bite I eat. I feel happy with my assessment that it was time to add a new habit!  

 My new habit was to keep my calories/points at a good level in order to lose weight.  first day of tracking was ROUGH.  I was honestly trying to eat right and keep my points low..but that first day I was 6 points over!  Eii Yii Yii!  Luckily we have those weekly points to allow us to 'live a bit!"    But the other days, I was able to eat pretty decently and had no issues staying within my points.   Ok, lets be honest, I WANTED desserts.  I WANTED more food!  I WANTED to eat junk food.  But I didn't!  I've kept my eating right where it needs to be!

My other original healthy habit......drinking 64 ounces of water.  What in the world?  This one is SOOO difficult!  I struggled.  Oh, I freely admit that I struggled!  BUT, slowly...surely I managed to start to bring it back around.  By the end of last week, I was getting my 64 ounces of water.  I was chugging the last 8 ounces at hte end of the day sometimes, but I was doing it!  I had to default to putting some flavor packs in my water (which I try to limit) but I got it!  This habit is far from set in stone.  But I finally feel as if I have taken a step in the right direction!

So how is my weight doing?  

I honestly have no clue!  I weighed myself on Monday, the first day I started to try to eat the proper amount of points/calories.  I have not weighed myself since then.  Part of that is due to convenience.  I've been showering in the hall bathroom....my scales are in the master bath.  But a bigger part is that I haven't felt the need.  I know that my eating over my birthday weekend was horrible...so I know that on Tuesday and Wednesday and maybe even Thursday my weight was still trying to regulate after that.  I didn't want to see a higher number.  I didn't want to be demoralized!  So I have stayed away from the scales.  Maybe next week!  :-)

Christmas is around the corner.  I'm as ready as I'm going to be.  Dinner on Christmas Day should be low key and not too big, which should help with my eating!  And if it does go a little crazy, well that's ok also.  It's only one day....one meal.  Meanwhile we had an ice storm....but no snow.  Will we have a white christmas?  It remains to be seen!

Adding a New Habit

 The other week I decided to start afresh and make this weight loss thing happen.  I am tired of being overweight.  I am tired of hurting.  I am just sick and tired of it!   So I started.  Now I didn't start full steam ahead and vow to do everything right.  I made a vow to work on two habits at a time.  I vowed to work on tracking my food and drinking at least 64 ounces of water. 

The tracking has gone splendidly.  Even through my birthday weekend it was a win!  I have tracked religiously for the last two weeks!    I have gotten back into the habit and routine of keeping a record of what I am eating.  I feel as if I have done a good job with my tracking.  I tracked everything.  Honestly, I am too ashamed to even share my points /calories that I ate some days.  It was ugly!  But ugly or pretty the goal was to track regardless.  I nailed this habit setting venture.  I will be continuing to track my food!

I wish I could declare the same victory for my water drinking habit that I was/am working on.  This one has proven to be very elusive to capture.  Some days I come really close to drinking my 64 ounces.  Some days I'm rather far away.  I think that I only managed this once or twice.  This habit definitely is NOT cemented yet.  I've still got some work to do on this habit building venture to drink my water!

So I am continuing to work on creating the water habit but since I have the tracking down, it is time to add a new habit to the mix to work on.   So what is the new habit going to be?   Well it is going to be working to keep my calories/points in line each day.  I'm not aiming for perfection.  Aiming for perfection is a good way to get discouraged because life is not perfect. I am aiming for 5-6 days a week of perfection.  I am aiming to be within my points for the week (using the weekly points for WW).    So water and keeping my food intake at a correct level for weight loss success is my habits that I will be focusing on.   Now just because I am focusing on these two habits doesn't mean that I will be ignoring the tracking...that is in theory now a habit and will be continuing!

I had a nice birthday weekend.  On Thursday we ran all of our errands and went to see my mom.  On Friday we headed north and visited the abandoned coal mine town of Centralia.  This is the town that was abandoned when the coal seams/coal mines caught on fire under the town....and continue to burn out of cotntor.   (you can watch my youtube video here for some more info) Sadly for us, all the buildings are gone and it is simply roads and sidewalks that are being reclaimed by nature.  But we visited the cemeteries and soaked in the abandoned nature of this town. 

On my actual birthday we headed up the road again, but a lot closer this time.  We went to Carlisle PA and visted the Army Heritage Museum.   I have driven up the interstate so many times and noticed the army equipment situated along the walking trail but I never realized that there is a very nice museum there also.   We had a few enjoyable hours exploring the museum and walking trail. 

It was a nice birthday weekend.  Now that I am half a hundred, it's time (past time) to get my health in line!