18 years and a Thank You

 I had been planning on posting this tomorrow…because in my mind I thought that my blogiversary was on January 6th.  But when I decided to go back to read the first post….well how wrong I was.  My blogiversary is actually on January 5th!

​18 years ago I decided to create a journal of my efforts to lose weight and I decided to do it on an online journal, a blog. The first post was simple.  It didn’t have grand plans.  I didn’t wax eloquent about my goals.  I simply wrote two paragraphs about my desire to get serious.   By that time I had already lost about 50 pounds and I was stalled (ironically enough at the same weight I have been at recently).    I wrote for the first few months; if not years for myself.  I knew that it was a public forum but I had no illusions that anyone would ever read my words.  Imagine my surprise to start getting comments!  I also had no clue that I would meet some fabulous people through this forum, people that I call dear friends.   I had no idea that 18 years later that I would be writing my 2,566th post as a blogiversary post.

Those first posts were sometimes lame (I’ve gone back and read this whole thing a few times so I’m being honest when I say lame and boring) but they are a great view of my triumphs and failures. Through this blog  I have been at highest weights.

And I have been at my lowest.

But this website has been so much more than 2566 posts.

I have written and gained knowledge about weight loss and fitness.  And I wrote about it in posts about Zumba.  I was even featured in the newspaper regarding my love of Zumba.  I was so happy when I made lifetime with weight watchers and I couldn’t wait to share it on here.  I shared my desire and quest to become a runner.  It wasn’t an easy process but I shared it all and I celebrated on here when I set a personal record.

It wasn’t all victory though.  I have tried to remain transparent and honest.  I’ve shared the lows (and oh have there been lows!). However painful and embarrassing, I have religiously shared them!   But through the years, I started to share more of my life.  I realized that simply talking about my struggle to not eat or my victories needed to be seen in a larger context that included aspects from my life.   So I shared my life with things like my experiences with a crumbling marriage and divorce.   I happily shared aspects of my ‘courtship’ with Jason.  I shared my struggles with my mom’s ongoing health and my father’s death. I have written about my elopement to the love of my life, Jason.   And I’ve even shared our pets!  The weight loss story is all encompassing.  Life happens and it affects our weight and our weight loss efforts so years ago I decided to share  it all!  It serves as a record my memories and accounting of this lifelong journey but it is also my accountability!

So to you, anyone that reads this blog/website; I say thank you.   Thank you from the bottom of my heart.   Your presence here was a surprise at first, I had no clue anyone would ever read this.  But I’m grateful that you found me.  You have offered me friendship,  accountability and your wisdom.  And words can’t describe how appreciative I am for each of you. 

I’m heading into year 19 of blogging. It’s insane to think about having being doing this for so long,  but I’m as determined as ever to continue writing.  It’s good for my soul!

Happy 17th Blogiversary

 Oh my word!  Has it really been 17 years?  It surely has!  I started this blog in January of 2006 and I have maintained it  ever since then, even if sometimes sporadically.  

This blog has been so much to me.  It was the outlet for me when I was first figuring out this weight loss thing. I was a large girl when I first started this blog!

 This blog was my salvation!  It was my random thoughts as I learned how to eat healthy.  It was my outlet as I figured out what plans and techniques to use to lose weight.  I celebrated my successes and temporary failures as I lost a LOT of weight.   I actually even lost down to my goal weight with weight watchers!

This blog walked with me hand in hand when I went through my divorce.  It followed me when I was falling in love with Zumba.  It was there when I  was running consistently.

This blog has also been there as I've regained more weight than I want to admit...but pictures don't lie!

This blog has been there through the good times and the bad times for sure!   I know most of the people that started out blogging when I did have left the scene, but I'm sticking around.   

I sometimes get so mad when I try to find something and can only find videos.  Maybe I'm old fashioned but I like to read my information sometimes!  So I wil continue to write.   PLUS, writing for me is cathartic.  It allows me to process things in my head.  It allows me to work through problems.  Plus, I have this weight to lose!!! It allows me to see things more clearly!  So here I am....ready to keep writing!  Lets make it to 20!!!! (and beyond!)

15 years and going strong

15 years ago I was simply doing what I do...journaling my life and writing.   I was carrying around a not book for my weight loss journal and my personal journal and ..all...it was getting to be a lot. But I really wanted to chronicle my weight loss efforts, from the my highest to my lowest.  The ups and downs....everything!

 It was an offhand suggestion that was made to me that sparked this whole Website/blog and eventually even my YouTube channel.   What was that suggestion/comment you ask?   ‘Why don’t you use one of those online journals’. 

The aspect of using an online journal was quite different for me.  I had always used pen and paper.  I even thought about the public aspect of putting my thoughts on the internet.  But I quickly pushed down those concerns about privacy.   Afterall, who was going to find it and read my lowly journal!  I decided to continue my personal journal on paper but to go online with my weight loss journal.   Imagine my surprise when months later I started to receive comments!  But by that time there was no turning back!  I was full steam ahead!  

These last 15 years have been a whirlwind for sure!  I lost a lot of weight and even made it to be a lifetime member of Weight Watchers.

I gained a lot of my weigh back! 

I went through a divorce and I ran a few races...and enjoyed it!  Go figure!

I rode my bike...and cried once or twice.

I fell in love and got engaged. 

I’m telling you...it’s been a crazy journey!   And what is even crazier, this journey is far from over!  I have a ways to go to get back to my weight goals.   I know that the journey will never be over.  I will have to watch my weight...my food intake and my fitness levels for the rest of my life.   

This website had been instrumental though!   It (and thereby you) are my accountability through this journey.   When I don’t write, the odds that I am off track is great!  The act of coming here a few times each week really keeps me in the game!  I might be struggling but I’m still here and by writing religiously it keeps me from totally giving up!

So on this 15 year anniversary, I would like to thank YOU for support!!!

13 years and Counting: A blogiversary

How crazy is it that I have been writing about weight loss (and sadly enough gain) for 13 years!  (This weekend is the actual anniversary day.)  It has been a wild ride for sure...I have had amazing success and suffered setbacks and failures.  This is my journey and I have learned a lot and continue to learn a lot about weight loss AND myself.

So here is a thirteen year in review and some lessons learned along the way post.   (If you have been reading a while, you may recognize part of this post as a blatant steal from a blogiversary post a few years ago...I couldn’t say it any better so I copied and updated!!).  I have struggled with taking pictures of myself along the way.....a regret of mine.  (pictures are SO important on this journey) so the pictures are somewhat sparse in the earlier years of my journey!

I started this blog as a heavily overweight woman.  Here is a picture or two from that time....or rather, these pictures were taken December 2005....the closest pictures of myself I could find to the 10 year anniversary of this blog.   I was probably right around 260 pounds at this time....and had already lost roughly 50 pounds.

Not easy to see........

But I had a mission.  I was going to lose the weight.  I sadly, was losing the weight for the wrong reasons.....NEVER lose weight to try to make someone love you the way you want to be loved.  They need to love you for you and not the number on the scale or the size of your body.  It took me quite a few years to figure that lesson out. 

Right or wrong reasons, I started working  diligently on this weight thing!!!! I walked.  I rode my bike. I became a collector of exercise videos and I actually used them....EVERY DAY!     I watched everything I ate.....and guess what?   It worked!   I can see my face had started thinning out in this picture.

By mid 2007 my weight was lower than ever and I was feeling fantastic!!!!  I wasn't done  I kept moving!  I kept working it!  And the weight just kept dropping!!!

By 2008 I had reached my goal weight (as prescribed by my doctor).   Oh my word.  I can't even describe how fabulous I felt.   I was on top of the world.  I had never felt that well physically as an adult.   My arthritis in my knees all but disappeared.  I felt confident.  I just can't describe how life was...I just felt GREAT! (Size 10 shorts in the picture below..my lowest size)

I even managed to make it to be a lifetime member at Weight watchers!!!!!!  GO me!!!!!!!

I still had some weight to lose.  I was still about 15 pounds over where the BMI charts told me that I needed to be in order to be healthy.  I pushed..and pushed.   Family and friends started to worry about me and told me that my face looked gaunt and started asking if I was sick.  I knew I wasn't.  But I still struggled with self image.  I never saw myself as a thin person.  So I pushed forward.  But I can NOW see how my face was SOOOOO thin!  

It was shortly after this picture that I realized that losing the weight in an effort to make my husband love me the way I needed to be loved was NOT working.  My marriage was still on the rocks, and nothing I was doing was working  (I had tried everything...not just a massive weight loss!).  I stopped caring about my weight....after all the purpose for losing weight had crumbled and proved to be ineffective. Ok, I still wanted to be thin, but I didn't want to bother with watching everything.  I didn't want to worry about the work it would take to complete my mission.  I started to slip.  

In 2009 I had done something I said I would NEVER do.....allow my weight to creep back above 200 pounds.    

By the way...I don't like the weird mouth thing going on...but my hair was AWESOME in this picture!!!    In 2009 I met a blog buddy for the first  and we rode Girls with Gears!!! What a fabulous experience and what a fabulous friend!!  I was about 210 pounds.  

Donna and I had so much fun doing the Girls with Gears Bike ride that we decided to do Pedal to Preserve the same year.  You can see that I gained weight between these two rides...two short months.  My hair was still awesome though!!!

I vowed over and over to stop the weight gain.  But I'm ashamed to say that it kept creeping up and up.

I took steps to try to eliminate the weight.  I just struggled.  I rode in Pedal to Preservethe following year, 2010  (I have no pictures of me doing it)   I had gained even more.     

I never gained everything back as evidenced in this 2011 or 2012 picture. But I had done some serious weight gain!

My salvation during this time was that I never stopped exercising.  I still rode my bike.  I had started going to zumba religiously.  I was still moving  and being active.  I was just gaining.  Weight is lost in the kitchen....NOT the gym and I was/am living proof!

In 2013  I decided to start losing weight for ME.  I didn't care what anyone else thought.  This was a mission for ME.   My weight started to drop again.  I was well on my way.   Things were looking GRAND for me and my weight loss.  I was featured in a newspaper article talking about my weight loss.  I had this in the bag I was on my way back to my goal weight!!!!!

Yup.....a picture from the article.  Not the grandest picture...but it was out there for the world to see.

Remember when I said I 'had this'?   I thought I did.  But my already crumbling marriage took a blow that no marriage should EVER have to endure.....and I lost my focus again.

I'd like to say that I got that focus back.  But I didn't. Once again I kept moving.  I was running.  I was going to zumba.  I was riding my bikes.  I was walking.  But the weight was not coming off. 

I ran in 5K's and even a few 10K's and the weight just wasn't dropping......

 In mid 2014 I started to lose weight again.......

Then my life changed drastically.  My marriage ended....and I finally admitted to the world what I had known for years!      Life was upside down and I still couldn't get a grip on it...but I kept moving!!!!  I kept pushing....but gained again. 

2015 was rough for my weight.  I regained what I lost in 2014.....maybe I needed the year to come to terms with where I was in life.  My life had turned upside down in so many ways.  I had to come to terms with being single.  I had to come to an understanding with the dating world (wow.....just wow). I had to figure out where I stood in this world.  And my weight suffered.

It took quite a bit of time....but in October of 2015  it  clicked and I got back on track.  AND....I met Jason!

I was in amazing shape.  We hiked mountains 

 And then we started to ride bikes together!

We weree on FIRE!

And then we both switched jobs in 2017. The evening walks got a lot shorter due to our long commutes.  The weekend rides and hikes happened less and were shorter also due to the lingering tiredness from the long work weeks.   We still moved...but not as much and it started to show in my weight.  I started to gain!

2018 rolled around and I was so sure I was going to be successful.  But the year turned out to be me maintaining my weight but  losing some of my fitness levels.  I saw it happening and just lacked the willpower to stop the train.  I DID buy a new bike and plan on using that new bike in 2019 to get healthy!

See, I told you...it was a journey!   It IS a journey.  It is emotional to write and read this.  It is hard to see some aspects of the journey.  But I am in awe at the journey.  I am amazed to see the confidene on my face when I was a thin woman.  It is definitely torture to see the weight creep back on and my continual lack of change.  But through it all I an see the value of the effort.

This journey has shaped me into the person that I am right now!   I am now making this journey PERSONAL.  This weight loss is for ME!  This journey is because I want to live a long and active and healthy life!    I am in control of the next chapter of this book.  I can write it as a overweight woman or I can write it as a healthy woman.  The choice is mine!   Stay tuned!