Today’s the day

It’s Monday!   And there is no work for me today.  I have the day off!   I have plans and I’ll be on the go all day!  Just as busy as a normal day...busier probably!  

The weekend was fun.  

 I spent a LOT of time working on my dollhouse!   Much progress was made!  The nursery has been papered and flooring laid.   The living room has been started also....lots of painting happening there!   I have also started the process of making a crib.  Yes I said making!   I decided to try my hand at making my own furniture...a crib.   Hey, why not?  So all of my pieces are cut for that....and the forst step is glued and drying!!!  (Probably dry...but maybe I’ll have time to glue the next step before I head out this morning!!!). I’ve got the bug to work on it again!!!

We spent most of Sunday roaming around “The Great Frederick Fair”.    We checked out all the fair entries....roamed the barns....circled the midway...checked out the venders.   And when we had completed one complete circuit of everything, we did it again!   And again.   Until we were absolutely wiped out!!!

I chose to allow myself ONE fair food indulgence.   I chose a funnel cake.  It was good..and I didn’t eat the whole thing. 

I didn’t drink enough and it was hot!

My weight is way out of whack today.  Grrrr!  I know why it’s out of whack, but that doesn’t make it any better...because today is my doctors appointment for that appeal for my weight...to pay quite a bit less on my health insurance!

This weekend we stopped by my mom’s and I also stopped in to visit my brother as he recovers.  Recovers?   Yes he is an avid bike rider.   On Labor Day he was out riding with a group of people and had an accident.  (Nope...not hit by a car...which was my first thought when I heard he was in the hospital.).  He broke his pelvis and had surgery but is home now.  He is doing REaLLY well!  Much better than I thought he would be doing.   

But why did I bring this up?   Because I want to be like him!  (Ok, I’ve always wanted to be like my amazing brother...cuz I had one of the best brothers a girl could ever have!).  But this instance?   My brother bikes a LOT!  Day in and day out he is out on that bike pedaling mad miles!    He is in incredible shape and you can see it...but two stories highlighted it...and one in particular hit me...

The first story was about how he was in the ER and had been there for hours.   He closed his eyes and started to drift off to sleep.  And the monitors started to sound an alarm.   Why?  He was just sleeping!  It turns out that his resting heart rate is really low because of his incredible fitness level and  it set off the monitor!  Isn’t that nuts? 

But the second story is the one that got me.   The EMS that arrived after they called 911 was  trying to get my brother up and walking...advising him to ‘walk it off’. Now seriously, he rides 8000-10000 a  miles a year.  That’s a lot of miles...you don’t do that without pain and lots of aches.   But my brothers comment.  ‘I do pain for fun’. (In regards to his long rides).  And THAT is the comment that has stuck with me.   He is in amazing shape....but he runs TOWARD pain in order to get to that point.  Most of us shrink away and retreat from the aches and pains of bettering ourselves.       He runs toward the constant Aches...not the pain of a broken pelvis!). It’s a different mindset...and one I really need to ponder more fully in regards to my personal quest for health!!!

And finally..some fair pictures!

The results are in!!!

Another week bites the dust.  I am so ready for the weekend and HOPEFULLY some sun.   No, we don’t have any plans, but we will surely come up with something!!!  The work week was, well....ho hum, which I guess is good.

It was really rainy this week and I really missed my lunch break walks at the beginning of the week.  I braved the overcast and threatening skies and walked when I could, so I got in two lunch walks.  They were muggy as all get out but it felt good to walk and get some fresh air after being cooped up for days!  One one of them it started to sprinkle right at the end of the walk.  So I consider myself lucky that I didn’t get wet on my walks!   The forecast is actually not too bad for the weekend.  However, it’s been so wet that anything outside is going to be a waterlogged muddy mess, so that limits us a bit.    Sadly, the forecast for next week is not looking pretty.  Oh well.  Nothing I can do about it!!

Victories for the week:

A while back I had made a statement that I could go without a sweet treat for two weeks.   I put my money where my mouth was and actually completed the two weeks.  There were some moments that were difficult. (Honestly,  the edible cookie dough I made for Jason was the only rough thing I encountered...making it AND seeing it in the fridge for the next few days just about killed me....and yes, I’m being a bit melodramatic with the ‘killed me’ comment!). But I was victorious...I actually made it 16 days before I broke!

Lessons for the week:

Denying myself something made it a huge deal in my mind.  I was; before the ‘no sweet treat experiment’, doing fine with denying myself the sweet treats with just an occasional indulgence.  Once I started the challenge, having a sweet treat was ALL I could think about!  I thought constantly about what I was going to have when I broke my sweet treat fast.  I planned and plotted.  My mouth watered thinking about it.  It was a huge deal.   So it made me realize that for me, very definitively; restriction does not work. 

Failure of the week:

I managed to stay within my caloric range all week long.  Actually I was even at the low end of that range.  My failure...one night I wasn’t really hungry but the food was so good that I kept eating, and eating, and eating. And ended up feeling miserable and sick ALL night long and even midway through the next day.  I failed to listen to my body!

Weight

I am showing about a half pound loss.  That is with no sweet treats and staying within my calories.  But hey...it’s a loss!!!!  (The pattern is still there...I didn’t pop up on the scales last weekend but I sat and maintained all week and on Friday showed the loss..go figure!)

So, my sweet treat exile didn’t make much of a difference....(ok I did drop a half pound so it did play into it...but I didn’t have any mad loss). Thus,  I’m going back to reclaiming my quest for a healthy relationship with food.  That means sweet treats are not out of the realm of possibility...just not every day!    I’m going to keep pressing forward to make me the healthiest version possible!

Resentful

I want to lose weight.  I need to lose weight. There’s no way I can deny that I’m overweight. My work even tells me I’m overweight through a  health screening  that they do yearly.   I resent the work reminder though.  I resent it a lot!

OK, let me explain the work insurance. We have the price of our insurance which is quite pricey.  We get a ‘discount’  if we sign a statement saying that we are tobacco free and if, during the yearly health screening we either show a weight loss or we are in a healthy weight range. Last year since I was a new employee I was exempt from the health screening. This year I am subject to these rules. So my weight has been on my mind a lot and has been since my health screening.  I do have an appointment with my doctor. Hopefully she will sign the appeal paperwork so that I can still afford health insurance.

I resent this policy. Not for the reason you might think. I know I’m overweight and I know that causes health problems which is what makes the added money on the insurance. What I resent, is the fact that I am really working to overcome the diet mentality. I am really working to overcome that big focus on the number that the scales show. I resent the fact that my work is forcing me to think about it and worry about it. I resent the fact that this policy makes me want to crash diet.

I got back on track this summer and I was losing...slowly but surely.  And then this health screening came into play.  Is it a coincidence that my weight loss stopped right then and there?   Maybe...maybe not.  (I also think it might be partially due to my out of whack female cycle...along with the stress and change of focus!)

Following the health screening I made an appointment with my doctor to try to get an appeal for this added expense.  (I see her next nine day) I am worried.   I saw her a week (almost to the day that my dad died) and I weighed a few pounds less than I weigh right now.  My dad died and I gained 30 pounds, overnight.  (Ok not overnight...but within a month.). So with all this worry about the insurance and my weight,  I started to stress and I started to think about crash diets!

I wanted to crash dirt so bad!   But I didn’t.  I stayed the course but I stopped losing....however....I maintained!  With two weeks left before the appointment,  I broke my ‘stay the course’ and decided to cut sweets for the two weeks.   Yes I allowed the stress to overrule my common sense!!  

I am a week and a half into my no sweet decree.   I am determined to complete it...if even just to prove to myself that I can!  It’s a test of my willpower and I WILL win!   But that said, I resent the fact that I did it!   I was actually  working on accomplishing a healthy attitude toward sweets...and this two weeks of restriction have made me crave and think about these sweets MORE than I did before!   I am serious, I sit and think about what I’m going to eat first when I break the sweet treat-fast!  My mouth waters as I think about it!  (I’m thinking it will be edible cookie dough...I made some for Jason during this stint...and I’m very proud that I didn’t even lick the spoon!!).   

I’m working on developing a healthy relationship with food. I’m working on developing a healthy relationship with the scales.  I’m working on building a healthy life.   And I have allowed the stress and the work insurance policy to push me backwards in my learning process because they are indirectly pushing me..    I will finish off the two week moratorium on sweets (seriously...it’s only until this weekend), but then I’m going back to exactly what I was doing before.  Allowing myself the occasional indulgence...IF it works into my calorie count for the day.    Back to the basics...and hopefully back to the slow but steady weight loss!!!

Rain rain go away

Ahhh Monday....here we are again!   You keep coming back...and I don’t particularly like you!   But alas, all weekends must end.  

Weekend Shenanigans

Well honestly, we didn’t have wild and crazy shenanigans this weekend.   

We got home on Friday night... about 3 or 4 minutes before I got home the skies open and it started to pour down rain.  No worries.  Friday nights are our order for delivery,  pizza and wings night.  We stayed in and watched tv and relaxed after the work week and long days.  

Saturday....what can I say?  It poured!  Yup, all day it was a deluge of rain.  We got out and did our grocery shopping and a few other stores just for fun. But it was just a day to be lazy.

Sunday… Were you expecting anything different? It wasn’t. Rain, rain, rain! First of all;  it limits your choices on what you can do when it’s this rainy. We did get out a little bit on Sunday also but just running from the car to a building and we were drenched. Plus, this dreary weather just made us want to curl up on the couch, watch movies, and play games. So that’s what we did.

OK, I did have a bit of productivity. I worked on my doll house.  I started to sand the floor of the master bedroom and I wallpapered and laid the flooring in the hallway. (With the exception of one small piece that needs to be cut and trimmed for a quarter.).

Weigh in results

So far so good, this might be the week that I am able to smash the pattern.  I am talking about that pattern that had been happening on the scales for me. The pattern being that I show a low weight on the weekend  but by Monday I’m back up. This week, I have been able to maintain all weekend… Even this morning!!!   Quite frankly, I was worried about this morning because I ate a lot of chips last night. They were accounted  for in my tracker, but chips are high in sodium. Coupled with the sodium is the fact that I drank  very little water yesterday.  (Bad me!)

Exercise

Nonexistent. Other than getting out and walking in the mall and stores, I have done nothing. In fairness, those walks were very deliberate because we knew we needed to do something. They count right? Ha ha Ha

So, this weekend was a bit of a bust for everything except my eating habits. And quite frankly, this upcoming work week looks like it may also be a bust for movement and exercise. (Lots of rain) That’s OK, weight loss can still happen in the  kitchen with my food choices. I’ve got this!!!

Friday review

Happy Friday!   I am so thankful that this hotter than blue blazes week is just about done!   Especially since the weather forecast is calling for a break in the heat and humidity.  The week was rather lackluster in most ways that count.  Nothing exciting or earth shattering to discuss.  

Victory of the week:

About a week or so ago, I decided to go totally without sweets for a few weeks to see what would happen.  I don’t plan on doing it forever...I do plan on going back to the random every once in a while indulgence...because that is a more sustainable lifestyle for me.  But hey...a few weeks sounds doable. 

I have held absolutely firm on this.  One evening I was having a banana with peanut butter and I was so ready to drop some chocolate syrup on top.  The syrup was in my hand when I realized that the chocolate would take my healthy evening snack into the realm of ‘decadent sweet treat’.  I put the syrup back.   The hardest evening was the night that I made a batch of edible cookie dough for Jason!  I wanted to cave!  I wanted to sneak a little bite!  I struggled to not lick the beater from the mixer or the spoon.   But I resisted!   I can tell you though...that just may be the treat I break my self imposed sweet treat fast with when my pre-determined time frame is over!!!

No matter what the scales say...loss, gain or maintain...I will refrain and make my goal of two complete weeks without a sweet treat!  (It actually is longer but I didn’t start paying attention and make my official vow until last Friday)

So a victory!  A huge victory over my addictions!  

Struggles of the week:

The heat!  The heat made riding our bikes pretty much non-existent!   It made walking outside on my lunch break and my 15 minute breaks absolutely miserable.  It just sucked the life out of me (us).

Eating:

My calorie count was spot on all week long!  (With the exception of last Friday...we order pizza and wings...it’s my cheat meal!!!)

My carbs were a bit more than normal, I felt. But according to the macros workup in myfitnesspal, I was under goal most days on my carbs.

Weight:

So the big question, how is my weight?   As I mentioned previously, I gave up my occasional sweet treats, so I was excited to see my weight drop! Well. All week long I maintained and saw no drop!  

My week wasn’t a bust!  There were some definite good parts and victories!  Hopefully the cooler weather  that is forecasted will help us get back out on our bikes!  And maybe...just maybe, the weight on the scales  will finally really start to consistently show my weight loss efforts!

Fear

I wrote  about fear the other week when I was getting ready to announce my book being published and available for purchase. I touched on the concept of fear, but I knew that I had to just get out and say what I needed to say about my book and I didn’t go into depth on the fear aspect. Since then I’ve had lots of thoughts on it and I thought it was time to share.

Fear is paralyzing. There is no other way to put it, it will stop you dead in your tracks. No matter what you think it is huge. When you allow your mind to buy into the fear and except it as a valid fear you are just feeding it. By feeding it, the fear grows bigger and bigger in your mind. Honestly, you have to get to the point of saying I’m not going to let this fear rule me and rule my decisions, my beliefs, thoughts and actions. You have to say, “I’m scared senseless but I am going to do it anyway.” You have to say, “damn the fears” and go full steam ahead.

With that said, Those fears that have paralyze me? The ones that I have faced? When I faced them, it turns out that those fears were silly!!!  I conquered them all like a champ and nothing bad happened!!  I was really proud of myself actually.   And...I was also chagrined to remember how huge these fears had become in my mind!  Seriously!!!

This mountain bike thing is one of those instances where fear threatens to overtake me. I’m afraid of hurting myself. I am not naïve enough to think that I’m never going to go down on one of these mountain bike trails… And by go down I mean wreck. Slowly though, I have noticed something. I will be out on a trail and well maybe not handling it like a champ, I am holding my own at least. But then I allow my fear overtake me. And that is the exact minute that the bike ride becomes difficult. That is the exact moment that I began to struggle with the ride!  The fear paralyzes me and convinces me that I can’t do it. No I’m not saying if I was fearless that I could handle every feature on a trail, quite the contrary I know my limitations. However, when the fear takes over in my mind it diminishes the skills that I do have.

Fear is a crazy thing. We all face here at one time or another. The question is this, are we going to push through and conquer or we going to shrivel up and let that fear BD hindrance that makes our life not as full and complete as it could be.

Healthy Living

Happy Monday!  No work for me today...so it really is a happy Monday!

Once again, we have had a lazier weekend.  We had been planning on going away for the three day weekend but our plans fell through.  It was probably a good thing. One night I slept in a few hours later than normal..and then napped on and off through the day!  It was just one of those weekends again I guess.  I'm still in relaxation mode.....so no utterly deep thoughts today!

My weight has thus far held steady and is maybe even dropping a bit.  I'm pretty happy with that.  (Even the holding steady part!).  I am still weighing myself daily though.  It works for me....it's a habit and a touch point for me...I know every morning how I am doing!  The 3 pound range is working for me.  I do NOT like my weight to be higher than my lowest weight, but I am ok as long  I'm in that three pound range.  There have been one or two days where I popped over that three pound range and it really made me focus on what I needed to do!  While I want to be losing consistently, I am happy with this plan!  It keeps me focused and it is setting me up for a LIFETIME of maintenance!

I am really working to make a plan that works for me.  One that I know will be doable for a lifetime...that's why I'm NOT giving up pizza and cake.  That's not doable for a lifetime.  I tried it before and I lost weight, but I regained because it wasn't doable for long term.  So I have adjusted myself away from total deprivation to something that may be a slower loss, but will benefit me in the long run.  Some things though, worked for me....so I'm slowly trying to reinstitute them. 

When I started to think about some of the things that I was doing when I was losing.  One of them was that I was part of challenges.  I was a part of some challenges at various places....one of which was in the community forums on Myfitnesspal.    (and a few other places).  I recently joined a challenge...but it's harder for me to get the pictures taken that I need for that challenge.  (I know...excuses.)  But it made me start to think about myfitnesspal.  I wondered if they still did stuff.   I finally made my way to the community forums and checked it out.  And what did I find?  Golly Gee!  They  have some community run challenges!   I joined the Biggest Loser challenge. It is individualistic...and also team based.....so hits both fronts.  It only requires me to weigh in on MY chosen day!   There are mini challenge options....simple stuff like posting daily if I track and exercise.  I couldn't wait to start!  So I am working on that now too!

Jason and I had a long talk yesterday while we were out and about about my weight.  He is an awesome guy and offered to refrain from having the sweets and snacks in the house...or to hide them. I honestly said NO....I don't want him to have to hide and sneak food.  The food issue is MY problem!    I did honestly ask him to help me get in at least 20-30 minutes of activity each day. I will talk myself out of doing it....but if he is there gently encouraging me to join him....I will most likely drag my sorry butt out!    He is on board 100% with that plan and that cry for help....but not before reminding me that he doesn't need nor want me to lose weight.  He loves me just like I am!  But he did say he is on board so readily because he wants me to be the healthiest version of me!  Yup.....I tell ya....I found me a good guy!

So that is where I am at......working a weight loss challenge......having the love of my life offering to help me in any way possible.  And just slowly working at this thing called HEALTHY LIVING! (nope, not a diet!)

The battle in my Mind

I was driving to work the other morning and started to think about where I am in this weight-loss journey and I was filled with mixed emotions. I have mixed emotions about where I am, where I’ve been, what I’m doing and everything. For me, the best way to work things out is by putting you down in black-and-white. So here goes.

I am still immensely proud of myself for what I have accomplished in the weight-loss arena. How many people can say that they were once over 300 pounds and lost down to where they were considered healthy and the perfect weight  (according to my doctor I was right in line) I am proud of that fact. But, on the flipside I am embarrassed to be the weight that I am right now. I know that the weight regain is all my fault. I can attribute stress of a divorce, changes in life, and a whole variety of other life situations as reasons why I regained…excuses.   But I am the cause!  What conflicting emotion!   Pride wars with self shame!

I want to lose this weight fast! Who wouldn’t. I did the restriction thing before, and it does work. (Obviously since I lost well over 100 pounds). I’m not restricting my diet this time, well  I’m not instituting major restrictions.  Consequentially, the weight loss is much slower this time around. I am not having the 2 to 3 pound loss each week like  I had the first go round with this weight loss journey.  However, I am also still eating pizza, ice cream, cakes and candy.  It’s just in moderation!   It’s slower.....much slower!  But that is where my mixed emotions come into play.  I have a friend on weight watchers who lost about 10 pounds in August!  (Go Julie). I have lost 12 pounds...in JULY and August!    I vacillate between the desire to knuckle down and strictly  re-strict and lose this weight  fast (relatively) and the desire to stay the slow and steady course. I have chosen this course simply because the fast (faster) way worked short term, but it didn’t teach me how to live and still have a balance with the foods I love.  (Cakes, candy, pizza, etc).

Now if I have learned anything from writing a weight loss blog over the past 13 years, I have learned that best laid plans are subject to change!   I have written extensively about a belief or idea only to a year later do an about face and go down a different path.  Life changes, our bodies change as we age, our circumstances change and with those changes come alterations in our plans and beliefs.   I’m ok with that. What is working today may not work tomorrow.  Right now, even though I am vacillating in my emotions on my path, I am continuing forward with the belief that my path is teaching me long term eating habits that will set me up for a lifetime of healthy eating along with a healthy weight.   

So the warring emotions?   Let them battle...I’m still pushing forward on my chosen path!   Health is the end result, that’s what matters!!!

Victories from this week:

* I made cheesecake on Sunday...I ate NONE!

* I made cookies on Thursday....I didn’t stuff myself full of cookies!!!!!(in fairness I had two..maybe three...small cookies)

Trouble spots this week:

* I have discovered a delicious edible cookie dough recipe.  (I sometimes wonder if it’s even worth my time as I’ve been eating raw cookie dough with eggs and unbaked flour since I was a wee lassie).   It’s hard for me to resist when we have it in the fridge!   We finished up one batch and I was asked to make a second batch!  Yeah I didn’t say no, I made it...I ate it!

* I have in the past dealt with a sore aching hip..the pain radiated down the back of my thigh.   That has reared it’s ugly head!!!!

Lessons learned this week;

*Just because I love something that tastes delicious (like the edible cookie dough) I don’t have to have a huge serving.  I can easily make more...at the very worst I would have to pick up an ingredient at the store which would delay the treat by a day at most!!! (Who am I kidding, I always have the stuff to bake something!). There is NO need to eat a ton....a small bite or two would be sufficient to satisfy my taste buds!!!  (The first bite is the aha moment anyway!!)

Weigh in

I have been holding steady at my current weight.  Not losing...not gaining.   I want to lose but I’m ok with the maintain.  After the crazy month of fluctuation this is a welcome relief!  Maybe my body is finally adjusting to whatever was causing the weight craziness!!!

Weekend plan

We have no major plans as of yet.  We have talked about going away.   Plus there are a few line items that have to be done (laundry, groceries, house cleaning) and a few line items on the list that are a want (shampoo the carpet, wash the quilt on the bed).   We have talked about wanting to do something fun and unless life gets in the way that’s a definite!!!   Time will tell!!!

Frog or Prince

I have been struggling with something. It is not really weight related per se. It is however totally related to me and my emotions. We are talking about fear specifically about going public on a short book I wrote. 

Fear is crazy...I have feared losing weight..and it HAS sabotaged my weight loss efforts.   I know when I fear a trail on the mountain bike I struggle and ride horrible.  When I’m fearful I don’t have as much success.   When I’m fearless....life opens up.  So how does this pertain to now???

A few years back I had written out my online dating experience as it happened, ending up with a cohesive chronicle/book.   I’ve always had this thought in the back of my mind of doing something with it, but I never really knew what to do.  And in the honesty,I never  have the time to really pursue anything too heavily. A few months back I decided to self publish this book on Amazon. I spent a little bit of time here and there on my weekends and I had some other people spend a little bit of time reading it.  Eventually, it was ready to roll. But then, I was overcome with fear and I didn’t do anything!!!

I have written some things before and published under a pseudonym and it wasn’t a big deal… No one knew it was me…no fear!!!  But this time it was totally different, I would be publishing a nonfiction piece under my own name. Everyone that read this would know this was my work. Talk about fear? Huge!

 A week or so ago I was talking to my friend Sue and mentioned that I was about  to pull the trigger and go live, but I was so fearful.  She gently encouraged me but I still didn’t come clean with the world!   But then last week I saw and heard a few quotes about fear and I knew that I couldn’t let my fears rule me any longer.  

So without further ado.  I announce the self published book written by yours truly!!!   It is available in print or as an ebook through Amazon.  (Through the link above if you want the easy method).  :-)

Frog or Prince by MaryFran Clingan. 

Weekend slug

Noooooo. I don’t want the weekend to end!!!  I am dragging on this Monday morning!!!!   We had a really low key weekend, which is what we probably needed. Our low key weekend gave me some insight to the weigh in pattern that I have been seeing, so that was good!  But in the grand scheme of things, my eating was horrible!!!  So without further ado, let’s get into the nitty gritty of my weekend!

An Indulgence

Friday at work I developed  a bad headache that drove me to the cafeteria looking for caffeine.   I found caffeine...and a chicken salad sandwich and...

It didn’t help...I really needed a second package to take the ache away.   But...I didn’t get it!!  I just ate the one package!!!  And boy was it delicious!!!!  I don’t feel guilty...do you know how long it’s been since I indulged in one of these???  My favorite candy???   The important thing is that it was ONE package...and I was done.  I didn’t buy more over the weekend...one and done!!!  (Oh and even with the caffeinated drink...I still made my water goal for the day!  I drank the soda alternately with my water while at work!  And I already had almost three down by the time I got the soda!!)

Bike riding

We actually hopped on our bikes on Friday evening and did a small jaunt on our local path.  We had skipped Thursday and felt like we should go on Friday to make up for the skipped day.  I can slowly feel my legs getting stronger!  

We didn’t sit on the bike the rest of the weekend!  No big ride like normal!   On Saturday we just felt like slugs and had no energy to do anything more strenuous than to walk through a store or two!  What happened on Sunday?  We had family obligations.

Slug activities

As I mentioned.  We were total slugs!   On Saturday we did our errands and went into a few stores. It was early on that we knew a bike ride was not in the cards for us. So we instead hit up the antique store near us and then went on a search for a retro game system!   We ended up buying the Sega retro system   It’s so neat to play the old games!  I see another purchase or two in the future, the Nintendo version and the Atari version!

 But other than that, we relaxed on Saturday. (And played video games)

Sunday we hit up another antique store, visited my mom and spent some time at Jason’s parents house to celebrate his belated birthday.

Of course we had to try on the fun hat at the antique store!

Food

Well, let’s just say that my food was delicious this weekend!   It included fried macaroni and cheese, pizza, French fries (baked), edible cookie dough, chic-fil-a milkshakes and of course birthday cake.  I had veggies and healthy things also!

Weight

I actually smashed the pattern of my weigh-in’s this weekend!!!   Yes I did!  It wasn’t all good.  I never dropped to my Typical Saturday low weigh in weight. My weight stayed steady through out the weekend.  Im actually happier with that than with seeing the really low weight on Saturday just to see it pop back up by Monday!  

Some theories about why?

* We didn’t ride this weekend!  I have been wondering if the intense hard ride on the weekend is affecting my weight!  

*I drank no diet soda this weekend (typically I drink a fair amount on the weekends)

Who knows...but I’m going to try to keep the diet soda away!   And the biking...well that’s returning!!!

Sometimes, you just have to listen to your body and be a slug!   Sometimes our bodies need the rest!!!  Next weekend is a three day weekend.  I’m already counting down!!!!

I’ve Got This

Happy Friday!

I am so ready for the weekend!   My weekdays are long (my work day is typically 11 hours if I include the commute in the time). So by this time of the week I’m more than ready for the weekend.  But, being a Friday it is the perfect time for a recap of my week!   So here goes.....a little bit of everything!

Biking

We have ridden every evening but one this week.  The reason for the missed day?  My commute one day was extra long due to hideous traffic so I got home a half hour to 45 minutes later...so it was already well past 6:30 when I got home....that coupled with a headache on Jason’s part just doomed that night!  We go as soon as we get home. And while we drag ourselves out the door to go, we always talk about how good we feel for having done it!   I’ve noticed the inclines getting a bit better....and I think part of that ‘hard’ feeling is in my head!  

Eating

My eating this week has been spotty.   I was so determined to smash the pattern  on the scales.  When I did everything right over the weekend and my weight STILL spiked up, I got disgusted.    We all know what happens when disgust takes over right?   No?  Well for me, I give up and eat what I want to eat!    Now, I didn’t totally give up!!!  So that’s a plus!  I still tracked.  I didn’t blow my calories by a ton....in fact I was still within my ‘large’ range of  allowed calories.  (The large range is is 1200 to 1600 calories a day....but I prefer to keep it down near 1200).   Where I slipped up?  I added in more carbs...my favorite!!!  Carbs are not a friend of weight loss efforts for me!   Hey I tracked, that’s something, right???

Weight

So my weight was up three pounds most of the week.  I wasn’t too upset about the three pounds...it’s within my 3 pound range that I am ok with ...in terms of weight  fluctuation. Not happy with it because I want it to be low...but I’m accepting of it!!   The one day though I popped up to 5 pounds higher.  It scared me...and it was definitely NOT ok.   And that scared me into cutting the carbs and getting things back in line!   And happily the weight dropped...it’s still three pounds higher...but at least I’m back into that three pound range!!

My Plan

I’m still happy with my plan and my efforts.   I know that in the long run that this is the best route to long term success.   I know that I could  heavily restrict and give up all forms of cake, pizza, ice cream or whatever and have incredible success.  I could eat salads every day. I did it before...it works, I lost a LOT of weight.   But it also fails.  Just look at me and you can see it failed...I’m overweight...obese really!!!   It failed because it didn’t teach me how to manage everyday living....long term.   There is nothing wrong with salads every day...if you love them every day!!!   I love a good salad...but not every day.   Some days I love a good cheesy slice of pizza.   For me the restriction just   took away things I love.  The love of those things never went away.  I didn’t eat cake...but I still loved it!   So this time, I’m slowly figuring out how to have the things I love (in moderation) yet still lose weight and be healthy!!!!   I’ve got this...even during weeks when I feel helpless and lost like this past week!!!

Kitten or Lion

I was in the shower this morning and wondering what in the world to write about today.  Seriously, what can I say?  My weight is up....still.   What more could I say?   I was down about it...and about my eating from yesterday.   I was really tempted to just chuck the idea of writing a post today. And then I saw a pack of small pocket packs of tissues (or whatever they are called...purse packs???).   I decided to take a picture and just call it a day.   But as I took the picture, strength grew from that deep place inside me and I knew what I needed to write.

First of all, let’s talk about my weight.  I haven’t smashed the pattern and yesterday I was hungry at work. I had a smashing headache.  I caved and went to the cafeteria.  I didn’t stick to a simple sandwich, I caved and got chips also.  Once I got to that point, I just didn’t care and when dinner came I didn’t care.  I tracked and I was still only at about 1600 calories. But there was a fair amount of carbs in my day.  (Ha...fair amount...how about a LOT).   I honestly didn’t care!

I cared this morning when it came time to step on the scale and I showed myself up in terms of poundage.  Self disgust and self doubt crept into my mind.  My weight has been dropping at a rate of a measley 2/10’s of a pound each week.  I probably just ruined that by eating all those carbs and the extra calories yesterday.  Why bother anymore!  I was feeling like a weak helpless kitten!

That is when I was tempted to chuck this week’s Wednesday post.  I didn’t want to give it up...it’s a habit and i hated to pass it up.  But, what could I say?  

As I was grabbing my phone from beside my bed I saw the three pack of tissue packets.  I decided to share my tissues.    A few weeks ago my friend Sherry sent me an email with a picture of some tissues because of what it said.   I loved it and when I saw them myself, I purchased them.   I dropped them on my nightstand and forgot about them...until today.

The first pack of tissues.

Find your fearless.   Immediately I put that in perspective with my current struggles.  I am so fearful...fearful that my slow and steady plan won’t work.   Fearful on the mountain bike trails (sometimes..other times I feel free as a bird).  And I feel fearful of the scales.  Im fearful of sharing my writing with the world.   I’m fearful of NOT knowing how I am doing...so I weigh every day.  (And I’m glad I do...it has shown me the pattern...if I only weighed on Wednesday’s I would not see the fluctuation and the lows and highs...I would just see it as a consistent high).  I’m fearful of never getting this weight off!  

Find my fearless....easier said than done...but it’s time to really search for fearless!

The next tissue pack?

Seize the moment.   There is no better time than now to make myself healthy.  Right now...every moment is a chance to seize the moment.   I may have indulged yesterday...but I have right now to do better.

And the third packet, the one that made me buy them?

Well then....believe in yourself.   Along the way I changed my blog title  o beliefinmyself. I need to remember to really believe in myself...in all ways of life!

It’s time to stop being a weak helpless kitten and instead roar like a lion!!!!

changed my blog title

This and That

Why oh why do the weekends go so fast?????   Or maybe I should be saying, why can’t I be independently wealthy so that every day is like a weekend???   Another weekend is in the books and it’s back to work for me. So this post is a bit of this and a bit of that...riding, weigh in results, cleaning and organizing and whatever else comes to mind.

Bike Bedroom

We have designated the den/second bedroom as the bike bedroom.  It’s also kinda the junk room.   Don’t know where to put something?  Drop it into the den!  It gets junked up quickly!   The dining room is also a quick easy place to dump stuff (shoes, helmets and  whatever else!). This weekend I decided to organize and try to find a home for some of those items that end up just sitting around.  So I worked on the den.   Really I just rearranged one or two things and put some stuff away.  I also added a rack for hanging packs and a small shelf.

Behind the door on the right is two more bikes.  You can see the black shelf on the right by the bikes...that’s what I added.  The bike helmets sit on top of that shelf.   (They were in the car so they didn’t make the picture). The next shelf down holds my hiking boots, my road bike shoes and the chin guard attachment for Jason’s helmet. The middle shelf holds two bins...one holds knee pads and elbow pads and the other holds random bike parts that we use more frequently than the parts that are in the bin in our storage closet.  The bottom shelf holds  both pairs of Jason’s hiking boots.  It works perfectly and really adds a sense of organization and order to the room!!!  The other big change?  Was the rack for the bags.

We have a nice place to hang our hydration packs...and to let the bladders dry! (And a close up shot of the shelf!). I want to get a rack to stack our bikes.  My brother has a wooden one...it leans against the wall and  has space to two bikes .  (Not the wooden one...but the affiliate link gives the idea of what I’m looking at.)  The road bike would be hung high and out of the way. And in that way we would be able to eliminate some of the floor space that the bikes use.  (Although we will probably keep the old trek on the trainer!)

Riding

We did get out and ride.   We rode at Little Bennett Park again...but in a different trail.  LOTS of climbing.  Lots of tree roots.  Some rocks to navigate. A lot more technical than I am used to!  I did have to get off to walk around one or two things (mainly because I let my fear get to me) and I did have to walk up some inclines.   I was experiencing some weird cramping in my stomach throughout the afternoon (even before we started...so that made the ride a bit uncomfortable.)  But, I felt refreshed at the end...and sore!

Hydration packs

The  hydration packs worked wonderfully!!!!!  We definitely loaded them up and strapped them on!   They say nicely on our backs.  The water didn’t slosh around messing up our balance.  And it was SOOO nice to be out and know that I had 3 liters of water with me...it allowed me to drink when I wanted and not have to conserve!

Weight: did I break the pattern?

So, the pattern I wrote about the other day.  Where my weight is low on Saturday...and on Sunday pops up, and takes until about Thursday to start to drop again?  It was its lowest on Saturday. (By 2/10’s of a pound).  On Sunday it was still low.   I was cautiously optimistic!  And this morning?  I have popped up three pounds!   

In fairness, I did eat more yesterday.  I ate 1600 calories....which is NOT three pounds of overeating!!!  Oh and I also did mountain biking for 1.5-2 hours...which the apps (MapMyFitness And myfitnesspal) say earned me 2000 calories.   So the extra food should not be an issue!!!!!

I am so bummed!  Grrr!   But I’m still within that three pound ‘it’s ok fluctuation range’  so I’m ok...just confused as to why!!!  I’m thinking it has to do with the riding.   Because typically we ride on Saturday’s and my weight pops on Sunday.   This week we didnt ride on Saturday...and my weight didn’t pop on Sunday.   But when I rode on Sunday my weight popped on Monday.  So that’s my current theory!!! 

Smash the pattern

The scales have been displaying a particular pattern with my weigh ins during the last few weeks.  I’m not particularly happy with this pattern....and I’m determined to bust through the pattern.

 What is this pattern?  I weigh myself on Saturday and it’s my ‘lowest yet’ weight....which is awesome!  But then on Sunday or Monday my weight pops right up there about 3 pounds. It sits at the higher weight until Thursday when it starts to drop....and by Saturday it’s back to the low weight...and each week usually just a hair lower than the previous week.  So I’m happy because I AM dropping each week.   I have said I’m happy with small, slow steady losses...but seriously, 2/10 of a pound or 4/10 of a pound a week?  That’s slow!!!!  (Let me add that I’m handling the ‘pop up’ on the scale so much easier with that ‘three pound fluctuation allowance’ that I give myself.  I haven’t freaked out or gotten depressed, discouraged or upset!!! So that mentality really works!!!)

So what is causing this?  It could be a couple different things.   Each weekend I have really pushed myself with exercise.  So my muscles are aching and sore.  Muscles, while they are sore and repairing themselves do retain water.  Could that be it?   OR....Typically if I’m going to mess up and not drink enough water it happens on the weekend. So half the time I head into the work week trying to recover from a day or two of partial dehydration.  That could be it.    Maybe my eating???  Last week I did splurge on Sunday...I was over on my calories...I was ravenous!  I think that’s because of the extra calories I expended...but did that affect the scales???  I do sometimes through the week splurge on a dessert...but it is accounted for in my calorie tracker (and doesn’t always happen on the weekends...sometimes it’s a weekday!!).   So I’m not sure what’s up!   It is probably a combination of it all!

So how am I going to smash that pattern?   The weekend is upcoming.   No snacks!  No desserts!!  Lots of water!!!  I will be strictly watching my food and water intake through the work week and into  next week!!!  I can’t much help the exercise and muscles...because if the weather holds, I’m not giving up my bike rides and hikes!!

The water intake should be a real joy and easy to accomplish this weekend while we hike and or bike!   Jason had a birthday last weekend.   As one of his gifts he was given a card that said ‘pick out the hydration pack you want....’ (We have been talking about getting hydration packs for a LONG time, while we were hiking a LOT !!)   On Monday night he made his final choice and I ordered it from Amazon.  While he ordered his, I made the final decision and ordered one for myself!!  Mine arrived on Wednesday!   I ordered the Raven 14 from Osprey. (Amazon Affiliate Linkl)

His came on Thursday.  He chose the Raptor 14 also  from Osprey. (Amazon Affiliate link.)

We pretty much bought the same pack...Women’s version and men’s version.   We both wanted a bit of storage for some light gear and/or an extra layer of clothes. (For when I strip the outer layer during the winter!).  We haven’t used them yet...but I’m excited to get out there!!!

We are thinking that in his tool pouch we will probably have tools (surprise) but we read a review where someone used the tool pouch (built in tool roll in its own compartment on the bottom of each pack) as a first aid kid.  So his pack will have the tools and the plan is to make my tool roll/pouch a first aid kit.   Seems wise since we are together most of the time.

More to come...and maybe a full review on our purchases at a future date! But meanwhile....let me smash this pattern of weight!!!

Empowerment : Tips to find the strength to lose weight

How do we keep our heads in the game of weight loss?  Some people call motivation, some call it inspiration, desire, focus, affirmation, reminders or any number of things.  . I’m not sure I like any of those words. So we’re going to just say how do we keep our heads in the game during this long journey called weight loss.

It is really easy (easier) to keep your head in the game when you’re seeing losses on the scale. We are a very results oriented generation.  But what happens when the results are just not showing up quickly or at all? How do we stay focused on this journey during those tough moments.

There are so many things that can empower us to find the strength to push forward toward our goals. I personally have used a multitude of different ways over the years. By no means are my ways and tricks the only way. My methods may not work for someone else in fact,  they may not work for me now but they did at one time, and they may work again in the future. That said, this list is it in no way comprehensive.

1. Goal clothing.  I have personally used this methid in the past. I found a dress that had a vintage flair to it… I love 50s style dresses. I bought it, even though it did not fit. I hung that dress on my bedroom door so that every day I would see the dress and remember what I was working toward. I have heard lots of other people doing this, and it can be quite beneficial.
2. Accountability partners. Sometimes, knowing that someone else is waiting for your report is enough to keep our head in the game. It is easier to slip up and fall off the bandwagon when you know that no one is going to know about it or care about. And over the years I have use this quite a bit with various people. (Thank you Sherry, Julie, Donna and some others.). 
3. Sometimes just knowing that people are watching is enough to empower us enough to keep us on track! Tell people that you are on a mission to lose weight.  Knowing that people are watching me makes me ignore the snack table at work!
4. Weight loss meetings. I know there are different meetings out there. I have a friend that goes to a meeting at her church. They have motivational talks, a weigh in  and sometimes they exercise together. Her program is neat because if they gain they put money into a piggy bank… The money goes to missions project so it is a good cause. I personally went to Weight Watchers for quite a while. The meetings were instrumental in my first successful weight loss and the lessons I learned helped shape me and teach me so that I’m prepared for my current weight loss journey.  But the best part of Weight Watchers for me was the meetings.   There are a few different aspects of a weight-loss meeting that can come into play. The first is the fact that it offers accountability. Knowing that I was going  going each week kept me on track. A weight-loss meeting can also give us new ideas, encouragement andthe spark   needed to keep fighting for a healthier life.
5. Success stories. When I am working, focused and losing weight and happen to stumble upon a success story, I have always gobbled up the words.  It was an excellent reminder to me that weight loss is possible!  And yes, I said to myself each time, “if they can do it...so can I!” 
6. Pictures. Sometimes we can’t see our progress. Sometimes we can’t see ourselves what we really are. There have been a couple times in my life where I have had to see a picture of myself before I knew that I had to get myself on track! In Lori’s success story she talked about a picture that showed her the unhappy overweight girl. A picture that sparked her and got her  head into the game. On the opposite end of the spectrum though sometimes we can’t see our success either and when we see a picture it finally sinks in and empowers us. At the peak of my weight loss (the first go-round), I looked in the mirror and I still saw the fat Maryfran. And I had people close to me tell me that I was unrecognizable… My own dad saw me sitting on his porch while he and my mom drove up and he asked my mom who that was on his porch. But I still didn’t get it. There was one picture that cemented it for me and really helped me stay focused. My then husband one day was flipping through pictures on his computer and I happened to look over and see a picture of a woman posing for him. Immediately I got angry. Who in the world what is this Skinnywoman? (A natural reaction for someone that is in a failing marriage.). He started laughing immediately. The picture was me. 
7. Reward. Over the years I also set up reports for myself. I look forward to getting those rewards. Sometimes it was small things… A charm for my weight-loss bracelet, a new pair of shoes or something that. I wanted. For a bigger milestone losses I chose bigger. I bought a new camera for one of my large milestone weigh ins. And knowing that you will get something you want as a reward can be motivating.
8. Complements.  These are amazing when you get them and  go so far toward helping us feel empowered to push forward. I’ve had a few experiences that stick out in my mind...compliments that really meant a lot. You really don’t have much control over this one. But there is nothing like a complement on your success that motivates one to stay the course better. And it takes a while for people to notice your effort… But the compliments will help you keep up the effort. Just one word of caution, people are afraid to compliment so don’t be upset if you don’t hear the compliments!  I had people that were afraid to comment and complement me. One year for July 4 I saw friends of my parents for the first time in a year or so and they didn’t stay on the word even though I had lost about 100 pounds at that point.  The next day my mom called me and gave me the compliment over the phone. Their friends had called them to make sure that I wasn’t sick because I had lost so much weight when they found out that it was just hard work and pier effort they were profuse in there complement to my mother. There are also some people that won’t make comments simply because weight is such a taboo subject in our society. But you will get compliments, saver and treasure them.

As I said earlier, this list is in no way comprehensive.  There are so many ways and tricks to stay focused during this weight loss journey.   It is all dependent upon ones personality.  

Mind over Matter

Ahhh another weekend!  Delightful!  It is actually still ongoing as we both have a vacation day today (Monday!). But what a weekend it has been this far!  Of course the normal weekend housecleaning was done and the grocery shopping and errands...they were finished first thing so that we could enjoy the weekend to the fullest!   I rediscovered the phrase ‘mind over matter’.  We hit up some fun events, we visited one of our favorite places to go as a couple, and we have spent time together.   Oh and let’s not forget the celebration of a birthday!!!

Mind over Matter

Years back when I was running a lot, I got in the habit of literally having to ask myself ‘are you dying’, Simply because I wanted to give up when things got hard.  I wanted to give up so badly that my head told me I was dying!.  It was a constant in my head as I pushed myself harder and further each time I went out.   Now,  I can’t take credit for the question.   Anyone that watched ‘The Biggest Loser’ tv show years back hear Jillian Michaels scream at the contestants ‘are you puking or dying?  No...then keep going’   And my brother has told me on many times that it’s a mental battle...our minds are honestly convinced that we are dying!  But his advice is that  that in reality we are not dying.   Our bodies are amazing things...if things do get too precarious, then our bodies will shut down and we will pass out...which is the bodies way of re-regulating us, cooling us down, calming our breathing and heart rate...etc.  I don’t know how true that is, since I’m not a doctor.  But it makes sense.

A few months ago we went biking on a trail at the Little Bennet Park.  It was difficult on my old bike but I worked it...and walked quite a bit of the uphills.  I mentioned it to my brother.  In a brotherly way, he reminded me that I wasn’t going to die...that I should have kept riding and not walked!   Yesterday, on my new bike we went back to that same trail.   I’m not used to my bike, so at times I was quite terrified as I don’t really know how my bike will handle in certain situations.  And I almost went down...I somehow saved myself from falling into a pit of mud that I was trying to avoid. (And my bike gave me my first set of bruises as I wrestled with the bike to keep from falling in the aforementioned mud pit.).  But I wanted to ride  the WHOLE climb up the fire road (which I previously walked). And I was determined to ride the whole trail without putting my feet down.   That meant NO breaks and NO walking up the inclines!!!   I managed the fire road.  The trail...wowzer!  I was pushing it!  Hard.  I was breathing like a freight train!  I just wanted it to end...the last bit was bad.  (At one point I even muttered a prayer ‘Dear God when will it end!’  All I could think about was coming to the trail head, getting my bike an inch off the trail and laying down in the grass!  I was pushing it HARD!  So hard that from behind me Jason said ‘it’s not worth killing yourself’.  But by that point I knew I was close to the end and I KNEW I was going to complete it unless my body MADE me stop!  I counted my breathing to try to regulate the gasps for air!   I pushed!  And when I rolled my tires off the dirt trail into the grass at the trailhead I wanted to cry from the exhaustion exhilaration.  I sat on the grass for a bit...sipping water and then I was ready to load up the bikes and head home and on to our next activity.

Bike Race

Next up in the weekend fun was a bike race! No...not one in which I was participating!!!  I was a spectator!!!

It is touted as the only race of its kind in America!   I went to it a few years back with my parents and brother’s family.  Now that We live in Frederick where the event it held and the fact that Jason has  never been to the race, it was decided that we should attend.   It is a high wheel race.   Definitely neat to see.   Some riders come decked out in period style clothes.  

Some riders are on new bikes...some riders are on old vintage bikes (the oldest bike in the race was from the late 1880’s early 1890’s)

The winner just ripped it up!  In this race the riders have 30 minutes to make as many laps as possible.  The winner actually passed and lapped the second runner up!   He was strong the whole way through!!!  He was actually from Sweden, and if I understood the race announcer right, the winner is the owner of the only place that is still.  making high wheel bikes...in the world. So here is a picture of the winner.

We were not at the finish line...that was around the corner on a different block...but our spot was perfect...shaded...front line and they had speakers set up so we could hear the announcers....but we didn’t need to brave the wall to wall people that was crowding the finish line area.  It was fun...and added walking to our list of activities...as we parked way out and walked down to the town center!  And Frederick had done a nice job with their downtown area!

A Visit South

The birthday boy (ok and myself also) decided to head south into Virginia to stay in Front Royal for a night.  We have always just really liked this area.  We have spent a lot of time in this area...it’s the closest access to the Shenandoah National Park and the pretty Skyline Drive and miles upon miles of hiking!  Here is a picture from a January hike.

A second bike ride

We took our bikes to Virginia with us.   I had grand plans...I found a mountain bike trail last year.   (Sherando Park) We actually hiked it.   I didn’t remember it as being too rough...so we headed in that direction.    Oh yeah...it was a bit over my head in technical skills!  Walking it made it seem easy...but it was a bit more than I could handle on a bike!!!   I was creeping and had to walk my bike around some steep downhill switchbacks and up some technical rocky inclines.  Ohh...and my legs were shot from the day before at the Little Bemnet Park ride.  And as if that wasn’t enough. The skies that were blue turned dark and lightening started to pop in the sky.  So it was a short ride.  Luckily we cut it short as it was a downpour of rain within 15 minutes or so after we got off the bikes.

We relaxed the rest of Saturday evening in Front Royal...visiting our favorite stores and eating at our favorite choice for dinner.  

Food and weight

My weight was looking good at each weigh in.  But I am nervous about the scales...I was ravenous on Sunday!  To the point of headaches from hunger.  I ate way over my normal calorie range.  I try to keep it at 1200-1300....I ate 2100 calories.  I did burn some biking though...so that’s good!

Monday plans

We are still in Front Royal.  We will make our way home today. We plan on trying to ride today...if the weather cooperates.  It may be on the canal...the deluge of rain from yesterday (and the overnight rain that I believe we got) will have probably made the mountain bike trails too wet.  Overall though, I think it will be a relaxing day.

I will not forget the mind over matter lesson!  I experienced great joy and satisfaction from pushing myself and conquering what I set out to do!  My body is responding to my efforts.  My legs grow stronger and my endurance builds. I will be back to the mountain bike park that we visited near Front Royal. I will conquer it.  It may not be next week...or even next month.  I have some skills to learn and some comfort to gain on my bike...and a bit more endurance to build.  But mark my words, I’ll be back...with a vengeance!

Overweight and Healthy

Healthy? Me? No way!! I weigh 240-some pounds (dropping though)! Take one look at me, I am not the vision of health. However, when a coworker had to come up with one word to describe me, his word was healthy.

The paranoid side of me immediately jumped to the negative. I’m healthy and robust… A healthy eater… Healthy sized… But in all honesty, I am pretty sure this coworker didn’t mean it that way. (This is obviously not the nasty coworker.) His comment really made me think about and evaluate  where I am in this journey.   Guess what, I am pretty healthy. My weight may not show it at the moment, but I’m pretty healthy.

So what makes me healthy? What made this coworker classify me as healthy?  Even at an o see weight?  I came up with a few thoughts.

1. My water consumption.   I always drink a fair amount at work. I drink multiple bottles of water. Most people sit with a soda on their desk. Of course some do sit with a bottle water at their desk but the water level never changes. OK, so that could be a reason why he called me healthy. 

2. My food.  I don’t order out with everyone… I stick to fruits and vegetables. I don’t go down to the cafeteria every morning and get a muffin, waffle or other breakfast foods. If I need something… It’s usually a fruit or vegetable. OK… That’s a very healthy habit that would get me classified as a healthy person. 

3. I am not the only one that  walks on their breaks and lunches. I am however probably one of the only few that do it consistently.  I walk every  day possible.  I am also pretty sure that I am the only one on our team that keeps tennis shoes and socks in my drawer to make my lunchtime walk more pleasurable. Yeah, that’s pretty healthy.

4. When asked what I do on any given weekend… I mention bike riding or hiking if that’s what I did. Most of my teammates mention shopping, movies, watching TV… OK I do those things also, but I usually get at least something active into my weekend.

5. Throwing into the mix is the fact that I don’t call out sick all the time….I never have at this job. I don’t sneeze and cough and hack while at work… I don’t limp around or talk about my aches and pains. So at first glance it does appear that my body  is in pretty decent shape also.

I am not discounting the fact that my weight is very unhealthy. But in the grand scheme of things…there are five healthy things versus one unhealthy trait, and not even a trait...more a a characteristic. I guess we can see which side the scales are tipped on.  Definitely the healthy side wins out. Isn’t that crazy to think about?

I’ve called myself a fit fat person in the past. Even while overweight, I ran a lot of races. I even rode some bike events while overweight. I did Zumba classes…High intensity...multiple classes.  I was overweight but I was pretty active. It’s the truth… You can be fit but still be fat. The fit though should eventually eradicate the fat.

So even though I am overweight… I guess I can call myself healthy. That is a totally new way of thinking for this 200+ pound girl.

And my quick update.  I have ridden my bike EVERY DAY this week!  My muscles (and butt) are getting used to the new bike and bike seat and I can feel a difference in my legs and how I feel...just from 5 days straight of riding.

My weight...

Last week: 242.4

This morning:  241.6

Loss this week: 0.8

Total loss: 78.4lbs

Loss since restart in June:  13 lbs

My weight was up for most of the week.  I wasn’t happy...but I just kept following my plan.  And it’s back down.   The ‘range’ plan is working well for me.  As long as I am within spitting distance from my low weight (3 pounds is what I’m aiming for) I am ok!  

I am concerned about this weekend...we have a three day weekend..a bit of traveling...and a birthday celebration. So my eating may be out of whack!!!   I should be active though!!!   

Eating our emotions

Some interesting days!   I had some revelations  about the stress eating cake to light during the last few days  as I continue to process the issues at work and how I handled them on Thursday night when I chose to not indulge in excess food.   And of course i have now lived with my new bike for a few days...

Eating our Emotions

An update on how things are going at work?  So the stressful situation at work is obviously still there. It will be there until either I switch jobs or this other employee  leaves the team/company.  Friday and Monday were much better....she didn’t show up for work.  Furthermore more of my coworkers talked to me and told me how they are behind me 100% and confirmed my suspicions that this other person is just highly jealous.  That makes it better..somewhat. But in the morning my stomach still clenches tight waiting for whatever fresh hostility would be coming my way, because I’m sure it will read it’s ugly head again....sooner or later .  I am relieved when she is MIA (which she is quite often!).  

Ok ok ok, enough about the update...what about my revelations?   On Thursday night I wanted to eat but I chose to not eat my emotions.   (And yes I was proud of myself.).  On Friday morning I wanted to dive headfirst into some kind of amazing food as I worried about the day to come.  But I didn’t!   I didn’t because I realized a few key factors.   

* I recognized that my desire to eat all sorts of food was a coping mechanism.   A very unhealthy coping mechanism. This coping mechanism is to eat my emotions....food will bring me comfort. Af least that is what my mind tells me.  I recognized the desire to eat for exactly what it was....not as true hunger  but as an effort to eat my emotions.  

* I recognized that eating my emotions would only delay this process of losing weight.  If I was LUCKY it would cause me to have a maintain on the scales. But an indulgence would most likely lead to a gain in the scales.   I sooooo did not want that!!  

* Once I recognized the previous two things, it was an easy conclusion to realize that caving to the desire to eat my emotions would only lead me to be more stressed...because I would then have the stress of the scales not moving on top of the work drama stress.  

* In conclusion, the biggest  shock of them all?  I got as much comfort....ok more....from the arms of Jason wrapped around me holding me tight as he listened to everything.   So seriously...find a good man (life partner) and problem solved!   Sorry ladies...Jason’s taken!   Now just to remember this lesson next time...no food, hugs from Jason instead...no food, hugs from Jason instead...no food, hugs from Jason instead!  (How many times do I have to repeat this until I remember it!!)

Food

I have been on target with my eating.   I had one minor bobble on Sunday night.   I made muffins for work. 

I ate some.  It was totally accounted for and I remained within my caloric goal!!!!

The beautiful bike

We rode on Sunday...a nice long ride!   On Monday we started a new habit!   We got home and immediately took the bikes out on the local little path!!

Granted we weren’t out there long.   But that was my fault.   The trail was flooded and I didn’t want to get my bike dirty!!!

On Tuesday we repeated it!  But this time the water had receeded and I deemed it ok to take my little beastly baby onward!   

It’s amazing how good I feel from that extra exercise in the evening!!!

Weight

My weight was at a low this weekend...and it has popped way up.  I’m disgusted.  But I’m ok with it.   Well not ok with it...but not distraught about it!!!  I think the biggest thing for me is the mystery of why!   Why has it popped up?   I know the first day was because I had inadvertently gotten dehydrated.   But that was taken care of.  The next day was the muffin day...was it the carbs?   But that was a few days ago.  I have ridden and excercised more so my muscles are getting a workout ...could that be it???   I just know that my weight is standing still at this higher weight.  I’m not giving up...the scales will catch up to my efforts!!!!