Relieved....just a bit

We are coming to the end of the week and what a crazy week it has been!   Vacation, breakdowns, return to work, new toys, weight gain and healing just to make a few!  Seriously, this week was nuts! 

We grudgingly came back from vacation on Sunday night.  We could have extended that vacation a few more days and been so happy!  But alas, life responsibilities called.  So back home we came.   Mertz was happy to see us!  The fish too!  (Yes the fish was excited....the hermit crabs didn’t even notice we were gone!).  Ok the fish was probably just hungry!  Mertz really missed our company I think!  Poor lonely kitty cat!  I wrote about the mini vacation in my last post here   But at the end of this post I will include some links to a few videos that I posted about the vacation.  There is one that gives a brief overview of the whole vacation and three other videos that really show in depth some of the places hat we visited.

On Monday, I weighed myself. I had gained 10 pounds in 4 days!  Crazy!   I had hoped that it was water retention!  I am happy to say that my weight has dropped...and right now I am sitting about 3-4 pounds up.  That is still too much and doesn’t make me happy, but it is easier to accept 3-4 pounds versus 10!!!   I am still hopeful that my weight will continue to drop a bit as water weight drops off since I am still on prednisone and will be through Monday.   

My leg that had some poison/bug bite that got infected is doing well.  I have completed the full course of antibiotics and the wound area looks really good.  

What a difference!!!

On Monday my old laptop died.  I knew it was coming for a while and been fighting the laptop for a while.  It was slow...sluggish and crashed a lot.  I was limping along.  I had actually almost purchased a new one a few months ago, so I had already done research and it didn’t take me long this week to hit the buy button when the old one went belly up.  I also purchased what I hoped would be a temporary fix for the old laptop so that I could extract my files.  Both the fix and the new computer arrived on my doorstep on Wednesday evening.   The fix worked!  (Thank heavens) and the new computer is a dream!  I also bought a lot of new software...my software was old old old.  So I upgraded to a newer version of photoshop and I decided to switch from my old video editing software to adobe premiere.  So I am learning a new software.  Should be interesting!  My videos may be a bit rough for a bit as I figure it out. But I can already definitely see a huge difference in the quality output!   See if you can tell which two were created with the new software/computer and which two were on the old software/computer from the links below!

In the midst of all of that, Jason was called back to work after being furloughed for three months. He went back on Wednesday of this past week.   Yes, it was just about three months to the day that he was off of work due to this virus.  So we are trying to adjust to a new routine.  It is a routine of me working from home and Jason going to work.  It is also a routine where he won’t know always be able to walk with me after work.  I’m on my own and responsible for my own motivation to get out there and walk!  (Yikes...I’m not good at that!)   Mertz was so upset the first day he went back to work.  She literally followed me around.  If I went to the bathroom she walked with me.  She was my shadow and was never more than a foot or two away from me. It has been an adjustment.  Even though I have been working at home, Jason and I have been in very close proximity for almost 24-7 for the last few months.   We were happy and had absolutely no problem being near each other almost constantly....but man it’s weird not being together now.

I have walked a wee bit after work...a few days at least.  But I’ve been so caught up in the computer woes (I also tried a fix on the old computer on Tuesday..that didn’t work). So between the death...the attempt to fix...the actual temporary fix.....getting my files safe and sound....waiting for the new computer delivery....setting up and learning the new computer...well, I let my fitness goals I had set for the week fall aside.   There are no ifs ands or buts,  I am hitting it hard for this next upcoming week!  

It was just a crazy week all around!  But craziness is a way of life! We are surviving and moving forward.  We are happy for the weekend.  We have no real set in stone plans, other that get groceries. Who knows what the weekend will bring!!!!  Crazy or relaxing...we are ready!!!

The video for the weekend in its entirety

A video about the Trans Allegheny Lunatic Asylum

A short video on the Museum of American Glass

A video about our visit to an abandoned town

It is all interconnected: this is not just about my food intake

The foot bones connected to the....I just want to sing that song as I wrote and edit this post!!!

Everything in life is interconnected.  I used to only write about food and exercise.  But I slowly started adding other stuff.  While it made my blog much more interesting  (probably) it also was done because I started to see how other aspects of my life were playing a role in my quest for health...it isn’t just a simple thing of food and exercise. 

Our romantic relationships play a part.  

Our work environments play a part.

Our families affect our quest for health.

Sooo many things affect our quest for a healthier lifestyle.

Now you may think I’m a slow learner, but it never before clicked in my head that it’s a two way street.  Those things affect my healthy living.   But did you know that my healthy living (or lack there of)  affects those things also??

I have for MONTHS been struggling with sleep.  I fall asleep just fine.  But come around 2 or 3 in the morning I find myself wide awake and I can’t get back to sleep!  On weekdays it’s annoying because I don’t have to wake up until between 5 and 5:30. (So am waking an average of two hours early). But it is infuriating on the weekends!  When it is 5 or 6 hours before I would probably normally wake up!  I tried it all the tricks in the book.  I had almost just accepted it as the new norm.  (Grudgingly so!). And I rejoiced on the occasional nights where I slept the whole way through!  But then this arthritis knee pain recommenced and the fear sparked me to get my butt moving.  All I have done is add a one or two mile walk or a short 5 mile bike ride.  (On weekdays and whatever comes up on the weekends.). But EVERY night since I have started, I have slept without that struggle.  Oh yeah, I may have had one or two nights where I woke up, but I fell back to sleep.  Even on the weekend...I didn’t awaken for good until 6am!  I count that as a victory!  The only change...exercise!

So the weekend is behind me.  (They go too fast). I actually did very well with my food!   I was careful and chose my foods wisely.   I stopped and made myself sit for a while before getting a second helping.   I really did good.  I am starting to see changes on the scale.  My knees, well they still hurt but it’s not the horrible ache!   Even after a four  plus mile walk on the canal!  Yes my leg was tired and achy but it wasn’t the horrible pain!  

The good news on the walk?  We saw signs of spring!   Frogs were chirping!   Turtles were sunning themselves!   Dare I hope spring is here to stay???

Resentful

I want to lose weight.  I need to lose weight. There’s no way I can deny that I’m overweight. My work even tells me I’m overweight through a  health screening  that they do yearly.   I resent the work reminder though.  I resent it a lot!

OK, let me explain the work insurance. We have the price of our insurance which is quite pricey.  We get a ‘discount’  if we sign a statement saying that we are tobacco free and if, during the yearly health screening we either show a weight loss or we are in a healthy weight range. Last year since I was a new employee I was exempt from the health screening. This year I am subject to these rules. So my weight has been on my mind a lot and has been since my health screening.  I do have an appointment with my doctor. Hopefully she will sign the appeal paperwork so that I can still afford health insurance.

I resent this policy. Not for the reason you might think. I know I’m overweight and I know that causes health problems which is what makes the added money on the insurance. What I resent, is the fact that I am really working to overcome the diet mentality. I am really working to overcome that big focus on the number that the scales show. I resent the fact that my work is forcing me to think about it and worry about it. I resent the fact that this policy makes me want to crash diet.

I got back on track this summer and I was losing...slowly but surely.  And then this health screening came into play.  Is it a coincidence that my weight loss stopped right then and there?   Maybe...maybe not.  (I also think it might be partially due to my out of whack female cycle...along with the stress and change of focus!)

Following the health screening I made an appointment with my doctor to try to get an appeal for this added expense.  (I see her next nine day) I am worried.   I saw her a week (almost to the day that my dad died) and I weighed a few pounds less than I weigh right now.  My dad died and I gained 30 pounds, overnight.  (Ok not overnight...but within a month.). So with all this worry about the insurance and my weight,  I started to stress and I started to think about crash diets!

I wanted to crash dirt so bad!   But I didn’t.  I stayed the course but I stopped losing....however....I maintained!  With two weeks left before the appointment,  I broke my ‘stay the course’ and decided to cut sweets for the two weeks.   Yes I allowed the stress to overrule my common sense!!  

I am a week and a half into my no sweet decree.   I am determined to complete it...if even just to prove to myself that I can!  It’s a test of my willpower and I WILL win!   But that said, I resent the fact that I did it!   I was actually  working on accomplishing a healthy attitude toward sweets...and this two weeks of restriction have made me crave and think about these sweets MORE than I did before!   I am serious, I sit and think about what I’m going to eat first when I break the sweet treat-fast!  My mouth waters as I think about it!  (I’m thinking it will be edible cookie dough...I made some for Jason during this stint...and I’m very proud that I didn’t even lick the spoon!!).   

I’m working on developing a healthy relationship with food. I’m working on developing a healthy relationship with the scales.  I’m working on building a healthy life.   And I have allowed the stress and the work insurance policy to push me backwards in my learning process because they are indirectly pushing me..    I will finish off the two week moratorium on sweets (seriously...it’s only until this weekend), but then I’m going back to exactly what I was doing before.  Allowing myself the occasional indulgence...IF it works into my calorie count for the day.    Back to the basics...and hopefully back to the slow but steady weight loss!!!

Exhausted but Happy

I haven't fallen off the face of the earth.  Not at all.  I will admit to not really watching closely everything I have eaten in the last 5 days  I do have a reason though!   The reason?   On Saturday we started a HUGE project.  We built a patio.  So I spent hours upon hours out in the hot sun carting dirt (leveling the ground) then hauling a truckload of gravel from the pile to the patio, then hauling a ton of sand and a ton of paving stones.  Yes, I worked HARD.

Before the patio was built and a few of the paving stones.

The Frame built and we are starting to haul dirt to fill in and do preliminary leveling.

Completed patio (well, we have to finish cleaning off the finishing sand in this picture)

That project, while huge was NOT the only thing that was completed though.  We built a new bookshelf to put under the bay window in the library and some shelving for the closet.  I then spent hours reorganizing the library.  

Finished bookshelf under the bay window.

We also fixed a bad spot on the driveway and built a raised flower bed (more to come at a later date).   Hard, long, exhausting days.....

I knew early on that my weight was going to be all over the place.  At the beginning I was drinking water like mad, but also drinking diet soda like mad.  One day (oh yes, did I mention that it was hotter than Hades on Saturday through Monday?) I was downing Gatorade like it was going out of style.  My caloric intake was high.  I was eating about 2000-2500 calories.  However, according to the calorie counter I was earning tons for all the work.... So I'm hoping that the weight settles down and drops. Yes, the last time I glanced at my weight it was up.  I vowed to not worry about really looking at my weight until my next official weigh in...which is Monday.  I am back to work today, so I will refocus on eating the correct amount of calories AND drinking the correct amount of water (yeah, the last two days of vacation water consumption was not where it was....I was mostly drinking diet soda).

So I'm OK with whatever happens with my weight.  I know that I'm READY to knock this weight off!  I walked a bit this morning, plan to walk tonight....and I plan on getting back to running and riding ASAP!