The war within

I stood poised this morning.  I was in the bathroom.  My foot hovered over the scales.  I was ready to tap the scales and step onto them to see where my weight is.   I wanted to check it so bad.  But I had made my vow earlier this week....no jumping on and off the scales due to the risk of getting disgusted as the scales do weird things.  The mental dialogue about the scales started while I laid in bed immediately following the alarms annoying chirp.  I want this so bad.  I want to lose weight and get to my goal weight so bad. I know that this is a long journey. And I know I need to be patient.  However, I want it so badly and I want it so badly NOW.   I can taste it (OK, maybe that's a bad phrase to use for a food addict...lol) I want and need the affirmation of the scales.  Yet I know that the scales don't always move the way that I think they should.  So I've vowed that this week I would stay off of them.  This is a journey and I can't expect the scales to drop all the time.  I'm in this for the long haul...and for that you don't need to weigh every day.  Suffice it to say that as long as I'm doing right, I shouldn't be concerned with the numbers on the scale!  Easier said than done.  boy, I didn't realize how hard it was going to be.  My little sabotaging mini me stood on my shoulder and screamed at me to step on the scales.  However, I made the vow....I respect my vow and I threw up my hands and turned my back on the scales.  How many more days until I'm allowed to weigh in?????  

I'm doing good today.  The C25K program allows for a 5 minute cool down walk. I'm thinking I may need to add some simple stretches afterward.  Yesterday afternoon I was just stiff.   Not really achy per se (which I'm happy about since I pushed myself further yesterday) but just stiff.  Some stretching of muscles should take care of that.

Eating...today will be my rough day.  We are going out to eat while we are in Hagerstown...after our dentist appointments (just cleanings) and that way we will avoid the valentines day rush at the restaurants.  I can do this though!   I know I can! 

On another front.  I have realized that I really need to be working on following my dreams.  I love to write.  I have things in my head that need to be written.  So I'm going to make a concerted effort to REALLY sit down and become more disciplined about writing.  For a while I set a word count goal for each day.  I made myself write a certain amount of words each day...with an allowance for one day to miss the goal each week.  It was amazing how much that discipline helped me.  It really did open windows.  The first few days were difficult, but after the first few days the words flowed like honey.  Something happened and I stopped writing daily. I just haven't been able to get back into the swing of things.  (Well, with the exception of this blog...I seem to be doing OK with writing when it comes to this blog).   I don't know that anything will ever come out of my writing.  But I do know this...I love to write and I'm happier when I'm writing.   I also know that sitting back and doing nothing means total failure.  I will be happier in 10 years if I have folders upon folders of written work that went nowhere versus sitting back and wishing that I HAD written something and wondering if I would have had any success. 

Victory!

So thanksgiving weekend 2012 is officially in the books.   I don't feel as if I ate all that horribly.  However, I did indulge in the pumpkin roll.....and I ate the leftovers for breakfast on Friday, Saturday AND Sunday.   Luckily for me the pumpkin roll is no longer there, so it is no longer tempting me by calling my name in that sticky sweet voice that gets to me every time! My weight is up.  I accept it...but I'm not ok with it.  I need to get myself in line.   No ifs ands or buts.  Other than the pumpkin roll, I ate relatively reasonably.  But relatively reasonably is NOT good enough.  I need to be doing GOOD...I need to be on target.  Relatively reasonably is OK if I'm trying to maintain.

So I started tracking today and I'm here.

Thanksgiving 2012 had me doing something that I have had on my bucket list.  I participated in a 5K on Thanksgiving morning.  I didn't set any records.  I had not trained ANY....so I walked and had spurts of jogging.  But I did it.  I did not come in last for my age division which was my goal.  SO I am pleased.

1203 67/92 Terri Houser F 52 46:35 44:52 14:29
1204 156/176 Paula Crammer F 36 46:34 44:53 14:29
1205 157/176 Maryfran Stotler F 39 46:35 44:53 14:29

The first number is where I came in, the second set of numbers I didn't come in last in my division...which was my goal.  Obviously my name, sex and age...then the 46.34 was my gun time....and the 44:53 was my chip time.  The 14:29 was my pace.   Pitiful.  But now i have something to work against.  Paula and I are aiming to do the st. patricks day run.  And we are aiming to train and really whittle down our time!

I want to reinvent my life on a few different levels...and on the health level, I want to be FIT and active!

Plans for the holidays.

My brother and his family are in for the holidays. I know I'll be eating more with them...and running quite a bit more than I normally do. That is a recipe for weight gain. Just the eating with them can be bad as I'll be subject to eat whatever is there. However, I've determined that I will NOT gain...and in fact that I will lose over this holiday (ok, at least lose what I so easily gained last week!) Therefore, I've come up with a plan. Here is the plan. As of right now, it is the plan in it's entirety. However, of course as time changes and progresses I may add to the plan. :-)

Eating, Food and Caloric Intake Plan

Plain and simple, I'm going to be careful. I'm going to be religious about what I eat. I talked to mom this morning and she told me what we are having for dinner tomorrow night. I'm ok with that. On Saturday night I could eat it..however what she is having is not a favorite of mine..and I don't want to ante up the points to eat it. So, I'm going to leave there when they sit down to eat...and I'll go home and make Todd and I a healthier dinner option. :-) (Todd works until like 7 or 8PM...so it will work out perfectly). I was talking to mom about the eating stuff this morning and asked about Christmas dinner. She has always been very willing to work with me to make sure that there are healthy options for me. She asked me what I wanted....I gave her a few options of foods that I could eat without worrying about. So I know I'll have some of those there. I also expressed my desire to not have a full sized plate at the dinner table for the Christmas meal. I want to have a smaller plate. That way I will not be so tempted to fill it up to the brim. Well, let me rephrase that. I may be tempted to fill it up to the brim...but if I do, it won't be with as much food. PLUS, I'll be tricking my mind to think that i'm eating a heck of a lot of food. On Monday, Christmas eve, I haven't formulated a plan....I'll be off work that day...so I'm not sure what will happen. But on Wednesday and Thursday I work in the morning...until 12. My plan as of right now is to continue to pack my lunch...I'll either eat it on the way up to town...or eat it when I get there. Yes, I know that mom would be more than glad to feed me. However, I don't need to eat the chips and the dip that they will have out on the table...nor the cheese and heavy fatty lunch meats. So I'll be better off on my own. Plus that will give me a little more wiggle room in order to actually enjoy dinner with the family.

Exercise and Activity

Here is the blow by blow plan for the next half week or so.

Friday- there are two different plans for Friday..depending on how my day shapes up. The original plan was for me to run some stuff up to mom's house on Friday morning. I was going to go to the gym and then drop that stuff off....then come home to go to work by noon. I was also going to make a quick stop at the local drum shop in order to pick up something for the business. HOWEVER, with bubby and Cindy coming in tomorrow...I'll be going up tomorrow night for sure. SOOOO, if Todd runs up to Drums on Sale today, then I will not go up to town until tomorrow night. If I still have to go to Drums on Sale tomorrow morning, then I will continue with the original plan. SOOOOO Friday's workout is either at the gym....or an hour at home...either jogging outside or with a dvd.

Saturday- I work Saturday morning at 7:45. It would be too early to do anything outside...so I will awaken my hour early and workout in the living room with a dvd.

Sunday- Our church isn't until 10:30. I will therefore have time to get myself up and exercise. The tenative plan right now is to get my butt outside and jog for a bit. (weather permitting)...if not, either the exercise bike or a dvd.

Monday- The gym is open from 8AM until 4 PM. I will be visiting the gym on Monday!

Tuesday-Christmas day- My plan for the moment is to wake up....go up to mom and dad's house to open presents and then to go for a jog up at mom and dad's house between presents and the meal. Once again, this is a weather permitting deal. If I have to (if the weather looks miserable) I may have to wake up super duper early and exercise before I leave home. I've also talked to Todd and we are planning on going for a long walk after we eat our Christmas meal.

Wednesday and Thursday- I work from 7:45 until noon each day. Therefore, if I wake up an hour early I should be all exercised up by the time I 'start' my day. That should work well.

Friday- I'll be back to working either 10-6 or 12-6 (I can't remember right now)....so I'll do something in the morning.....basically back to a 'normal' routine. I'm assuming that Alan and Cindy will be leaving to go home probably Friday.

So, there you have it...my plan to be healthy this coming week! I'm determined to get through this week without having the scales go up! I want them to go DOWN...and they will!

I talked to mom this morning, she said that Cindy called yesterday to talk about when they are coming. They are packing their car tonight...and will leave early tomorrow morning. She said at 4AM...so that the kids will sleep for a good portion of the trip out here. Of course Riley was telling 'grandma' that they should actually leave at 3AM to 'make the trip faster". Of course if you are asleep for one extra hour, I guess it would be faster. tee hee hee

I'm so ready for christmas. Last night I wrapped the last minute things (namely the gift to mom from dad...I actually got it about a week or so ago) and the cat treats. I put together a little bag (little as in the size of a bag from Bath and Body Works...the smaller size)...in it is the few small gifts that I wrapped yesterday, the replacement outfit for Alex (becuase I bought a 12 month size and apparently that may be too small), and few other odds and ends...stuff like batteries for toys that need them...etc etc etc. So that is ready. The gifts are already stored up in Hagerstown at mammals house...so they just need to be carried across the street to mom and dad's new house. Woo hoooo!

Tonight I have to decortate some cookies...for the cookie bouquets that I'm making. I should be ok with the eating of cookies. I shouldn't have any problems resisting tonight. Regardless...I'll probably pop some gum into my mouth while I work....so I'm not tempted to 'taste test' anything! I've found that I do it almost sub-conciously! I also want to put in a batch of bread Todd works late tonight..so I'll be on my own for dinner. Therefore my dinner will be pretty light. That's good! I'm so determined to get this weight gain gone! I'm not sure what exactly I'll have for dinner. Lately I've been craving peanut butter and jelly sandwiches....so there is a pretty darn good chance that a pb&j will be on the menu tonight. Cooked carrots??? Hmmm......well...time will tell what I have for dinner tonight. :-)

Holiday plans and new years goals

The good ol' weight is still up there. I've decided to go to my meeting tonight. HOWEVER, I'm not going to weigh in. That way in the back of my mind I still have this 5 pound deficit that I need to face. If I go ahead and face the music..then I'll get the five pound deficit over with...and then if I only lose 2 pounds over the next few...I'll be like, "woo hooo, I lost two pounds"..when in reality, I've gained 3 over the time period. BUT, now, if I only lose two...I'll have to come back and face the scales...and I'll be super motivated because I won't want to come back and say "I've gained three pounds." Yeah, it's the same...but I'm trying to play a psychological game with myself. I'm setting out a challenge! :-) We'll see how it works. The other thing.....my meetings are on Tuesdays. It is difficult for me to get to any other meetings...with my work schedule...and the fact that the meetings are about 15 -20 minutes away from my house. So with christmas being on Tuesday...and new years also...that puts me at a chance of not making it to a meeting until jan. 8th. And that is a pretty likely chance...since Alan, Cindy and the kids will be in for the holidays. SOOOOO...that actually gives me three weeks to eradicate this 5 pounds. I know that I most likely won't be making my 175 pound goal....uhh yeah, a miracle could occur...but it's not likely. So I'm shooting to at least be back into the 170's by New Years.....or by that 1-8-08 weigh in at the lastest! So that is my plan! :-)

Wow...it's hard to believe that Christmas is just one week away!!!!! Where has time gone! And 2008 is just two weeks from arrival!!! Woah!!!!

This year has been a particularly difficult year for weight loss. It seems as if I've taken two steps forward...two steps back! Very frustrating! BUT, I guess when I look at it...I lost about 25-30 pounds. If I can do that again in 2008...then I'll be at or very near my goal! So that's not too bad. Yeah, I'd like to make my goal by my anniversary...which would be slightly less than 2 pounds per week. Realistically I'm going to shoot for the beginning of June.....which makes my weekly pounds that I need to lose to be about 1.25 pounds! That is actually doable...even with a bad week here and there! To do it by my birthday...next December...I hav to lose .59 pounds a week! So there you have it...my hopeful goal (be at goal by my anniversary), my realistical goal..(be at goal by June 1st) and my "I'll kick myself if I don't make this goal" (be at my goal by my birthday!) Conversally speaking....I have to lose .74 pounds a week to be at my goal by Julies wedding.

Speaking of my goal. I don't know if that is a plausible goal for me. I've chosen 150 pounds. However, I'm very cognizant of the fact that 150 may not be a good number for me. I could be so lucky to get to 160 pounds and find out that 160 is the perfect weight for me.....or I could be very unlucky and find out that 150 is still a little high for my body type.....so that goal is kinda subject to change......

Size wise...I think my goal is about an 8-10. But that is all guess work...I have no clue!!!!!

Holiday Manifesto

Saw this online and it was a good reminder! It would work for any special occaision!!!
1) it's ONE DAY out of the year. So have anything (within reason), and don't stress. Enjoy it.
2) Savor foods that are particular to that holiday, and skip anything that you don't really care as well as things that are always available throughout the year - ie. the bread basket, cheese tray, etc.
3) Remember: one day means back to good habits the next day - no excuses.
4) Go for a long walk after the meal!