Fingers on the bar and pondering some thoughts

Dang but it's cold! I guess I shouldn't complain though...I'm reading and talking to friends who are in places that are a tad bit colder than here. My problem. I'm working the drive through window...and it's just DRAFTY. Every time I send out the bucket I get a huge draft of cold air. My fingers are FROZEN! The counter heater is on...and there is a metal bar inset into the desk (don't ask my why...or what...but it's there) and it is toasty warm...so I'm sitting with my fingers curled up on this little metal strip!

I'm going to get the basics out of the way and then write about what I'm thinking about.

*got to the gym today. Exercised for an hour...then came home and cleaned the house before going to work.
*Staying within my points....and also tracking calories...just to see what's happening.
*My weight was at 197.0 this morning. The lowest it has been in over a month!

Last night I watched a movie. Well, actually it was a documentary, called Thin. It was about a group of women that were in a rehab center for eating disorders. I watched it because I'm curious. Curious because these are women that struggle with a totally different side of an eating problem. Something that I can not fathom. But I felt compelled to watch and learn about it.

Now, my husband at one point told me that he was afraid that I would lose weight and not know where to stop and just keep losing weight. I admit, I can get REALLY involved in this weight loss process...but I've always assured him that I have no desire to be a string bean. I want to be healthy.

But regardless, I wanted to watch this documentary. Food Addiction is a disease and while it is seemingly total opposite of an eating disorder such as anorexia or bulimia, I wanted to watch and learn.

As I watched this documentary, I was shocked at the efforts these girls/ladies were and are willing to take. But underlying it all, I was sitting there thinking. Oh my word. These ladies are battling the some of the same feelings and thoughts that I have. They are just taking their efforts to reach the epitome that they desire, the extreme. It was quite sobering.

One lady talked about how she would start to eat and just lose control of what and how much she was eating. Sound familiar????

In some of the scenes they showed them talking about why and what started their problems. At least two of the girls talked about how in their childhood they were told that they were fat. In one case by a doctor. In another by a mother who put their child on a strict diet and exercise regime at age 5.

But the biggest thing that I took away is that these 70 pound women honestly believed that they were fat. The one 80-90 pound young girl (aged 15) was crying because she was getting a double chin....and when she left the rehab center her goal was to lose 40 pounds. She honestly thought that she needed to do that in order to fit in with the other skinny people. Their mental image of themselves is that warped.

On therapist had a patient draw a life sized drawing of herself. THEN she had the patient stand in front of the drawing and she traced the girls body....to show how different the perception and the true body was.

Now, as I said earlier...I am in no way at risk for this extremist type of behavior. I am losing to be healthy! Healthy these girls were not! But it did make me ponder a few things about myself.

The biggest.....how is my perception of my body? I know that when I was big, I had the opposite, I didn't think I was as big as I am. But now that I've lost weight, that perception has changed. I just can't believe and grasp the fact that I'm no longer morbidly obese. I STILL pull a shirt out of the closet and hold it up thinking, "there is no way that this shirt will fit me". In essence, I have a warped sense of reality also. The question is....how does one go about actually grasping and understanding that those perceptions are incorrect. For me I think a good deal is just the fact that for so many years I had to do things certain ways that I get used to it.... stuff like, standing on tip-toe to squeeze through a turnstile...I still find myself doing it....even though I can go straight through with no problem.....panicking at a restaurant when they put us in a booth...because that means I'll be crunched up with no room to move. Those sorts of things.

I guess it just takes time!

Is it possible?

You know...I was thinking when I was watching The Biggest Loser this week. What kind of contestant would I be? I know that I would not have been tempted to take the money and run (in reference to this last weeks challenge). BUT....would I be a contestant that would whine and cry about everything that the trainer would make me do? Would I balk like that? Or would I be a contestant that if the trainer said jump 2 feet in the air, I would go 3 feet...just to get the most out of it? I'd like to say that I would be the over achiever.....and I may be....beacuse I don't like to lose. But honestly I'm not sure. But it is food for thought. :-)

If I continue on that line of thought, it makes me wonder how much more 'umph' do I have inside me. It always seems as if the trainers are squeezing out energy and work out of the the contestants that the contestants think is not there. How much harder could I push myself during my workouts? How does one push themselves past that comfort zone and into the next realm? Is it even possible????

Well, yesterday Todd and I were planning on goign to the gym while we were in town to run our errends. Life happened and we didn't make it to the gym. Did I let that interrupt my workout? NOPE! I came home and IMMEDIATELY (before I even put anything away from our shopping in town) I exercised. I did another step aerobic workout and I rode the exercise bike for 45 minutes. SO 1 hour and 15 minutes total.

Ohhh and I SOOO lied the other day when i said that I wasn't at all sore from my first day back doing step aerobics. Ohhhh yeah, yesterday morning I woke up sore sore sore! Yes, as you just read, I did the same routine anyway...eventually the muscles will relax and not hurt! Yep, still sore today...and yep, I'll be working out when I get off of work at 3PM.

My weight. Frustrating...it's not going down. I'm eating right and I've upped my exercise level (not just in how many days....but in intensity)....so I know that in time it will come off....patience is the key!

Got up early this morning. Much earlier than I needed to be up in order to get to work at 9AM. Why? Well, I had some exercising to do. I rode the exercise bike for 30 minutes and then I pulled out the step and did 30 minutes of step aerobics. I haven't done step aerobics in ages. I was surprised. I thought I would struggle a bit more than I did. Tis all good. 1 hour down!

I'm a bit bothered today. Well, not bothered but just disturbed. I have a family member (through marriage) that is planning on having gastric bypass this year. I know, from talking to friends that have had this procedure done that they went through intense counselling and diet work in preparation. This family member has had NOTHING. They are just doing the surgery...pushing this person through. I wonder at how this person will handle the major change in their life that this surgery is going to bring. And I don't mean the obvious of now they are thin. I mean the changes in emotions. The changes in their eating. Let me also say that this person is not one of these 500 pound people. They are probably low to mid 200's. If you have to change your diet anyway due to the surgery...why not just do it naturally.

Ok...that said...that is NOT what disturbs me. Yeah, I don't agree with the quick fix surgery....what bothers me is that this person has a child. I wouldn't categorize the child as fat...but the child is ....well. Some of the words to describe this child would be sturdy and stocky. NOT good words for a girl. This girl is well on her way to having a weight problem. I can see the path that she is on and it breaks my heart. And then to hear that her parent is setting an example of getting the surgery....I'm just blown away. (as a side note, a while back this parent was trying to diet and eat healthy......great opportunity to feed your children healthy foods also right??? Nope.....the children continued eating the fried foods, fast foods, junk food, while this parent ate frozen 'healthy choice' dinner. I wanted to scream at that point). I worry about this little girl seeing that this is the 'fix' and not being taught and shown a healthy way. I worry about her.

Meanwhile, the American Cancer Society is doing some kind of thing locally (technically in the eastern panhandle of West Virginia...but since my bank is based out of WV, we...in the Sharpsburg branch are included) between all the banks in that you earn points based on healthy things that you do. 3 points for each flight of stairs you climb, 1 point for each minute of exercise, 1 point for each 8 ounce glass of water, 1 point for each serving of fruit or veggies. Basically things promoting a healthy lifestyle. The banks are all in competition. There is no prize...other than bragging rights. :-) My branch...we are all excited. First because we all have been talking about being healthy...and there are people in our branch that have been saying that they need to start. Secondly, there are a group of us that are HIGHLY competative. So it shoudl be fun. The problem....we may not have a snowballs chance in hell.....we are a small branch...which means we have to work double hard ...to make up for our lack of people! But it should be good for us!

January 12, 2009 (134 of 365)

January 12, 2009 (134 of 365), originally uploaded by mfcstotler.

Took my bike in for a tune up today! WOO HOOO!!!

monday madness

Woke up today feeling oddly re energized. Unfortunately, now that I'm at work that energy is fading away into the doldrums of the day! :-)

My tongue......still numb and just weird feeling. I wonder if some of it is 'in my head'? :-)

Today is my day off of exercise. I have long ago declared my weigh in day my day of rest from exercise....it makes it easy and keeps me from 'cheating' and having more than one day of rest a week. Plus by the time that I spend the 1/2 hour getting to the meeting, the 1/2 hour getting home, (OK...I exaggerate.....but it still takes 20 minutes each way...close enough), the 1/2 hour meeting (longer if it runs over or if I chit chat afterward), and getting there early for the weigh in (I usually am one of the first to arrive...so I can beat the line and also chit chat)....so there is 2 hours! On top of a work day and the normal every day routine of things....yeah, it just makes it easier to make that my day of rest. :-)

My weight today...up a bi 4/10Th's of a pound. Now I don't honestly think that my 2 points extra of milk is the culprit. I freely admit that I ate more carbs yesterday than I normally do......still within my points (except for those pesky 2 points) but carb laden...which does have an affect. :-) So I'm cool with it. I honestly haven't lost anything in this last week. I'm pretty much exactly where I was at last weeks weigh in.....or at least very close. I'm not going to stress about it.....if I keep doing the 'right thing' the weight will drop! :-)

I'm taking my bike into the shop today....I'm going to my second favorite bike shop. It's actually closer than the one that I attempted to go to yesterday. (yes, I called and checked winter hours...they are open today!)

Is this an excuse???

I went over my points today...and blew my numbers. I'm rather disgusted as I wanted to make the 6 weeks (even though my body is NOT giving up the weight)

Oh what you may ask. Well....we live in the land of stink bug invasion. They are terrible around here. IT's terrible. And they keep getting into my house. I get rid of them and they get in again. I can't figure it out.

ANYWAY....I was sitting here on my computer tonight and I had my big 64 ounce water jug/bottle sitting here. I absently reached for it and brought it to my lips. I tilted it back and opened up my mouth........and immediately began to feel and hear a crackling in my mouth! My first thought was 'how did a piece of paper get on top of that water bottle spout'. Then I tasted the awful taste and felt this burning sensation on my tongue, even as I spit out the crackling 'piece of paper' onto my hand. Ohhh my word...it was a stink bug!!!! I ran to the sink and kept shoveling water into my mouth and washing my mouth out. I got a big glass of water and inserted my tongue into the water. Ohhh my word...the bad taste was gone but the burning sensation was still there! Todd was concerned but then started to laugh hystarically when he heard and saw me. He instructed me to drink milk. I did it. Fat free of course....1 cup.....2 points. I stuck my tongue in that milk and drank it (have I ever said that I don't really like milk??) Sadly, the milk didn't help and my tongue just burns and stings!!! It's terrible!!!!

SOOOOOOOOO......2 points over what I should have!!!!! SHUCKS!!!

This day is just turning out to be one hoot after another...first the commando incident...now the stink bug....should I just go to bed now and call this day over??????

A bust, a yummy meal, and an embarrassing lesson

Todd and I made our plans for today, a Sunday off together early in the week. We would start our day at the gym. Go home, shower and change and then head to Frederick. In Frederick, we would drop my bike off at the bike shop and stop at a music store for TOdd and to do some studio business. From there we would head to Gaithersburg where we would enjoy a meal at buca di Beppo. Well, the day didn't turn out quite as we planned.

The bust part. Frederick. I looked online at the bike shop hours and we went down based on that....uhhhh winter hours was NOT posted on the website! So they were closed. We popped the bike back on top of the car and moved on to the music store. Uhhhh they were closed also! What was up with this????

No problem, we headed to Gaithersburg. For some reason, I always get turned around when we go to Buca di Beppo.....but we finally arrived. I was halfway afraid that I'd find them closed. Thankfully they were open (they appeared to be short staffed...but all was ok). The meal was WONDERFUL. Todd and I split an Antipasta Salad and a Lasagna meal. (we got the small servings of each..which serves 1-2 people...so we were dead on with our servings). We DID have some bread too. It was scrumptious!

My weight was down a bit this morning...still a little up from where I was last week during on my weight in day but down from my weird uppage this week.

We woke up this morning and I made breakfast for both of us. I made egg and cheese sandwiches...grilled...using the most wonderful thing I've tried recently....olive oil butter spread! This stuff is incredible...first of all it helps me get my daily requirment of oil, which I admittedly struggle with. But it makes a REALLY REALLY good grillled cheese (or grilled breakfast sandwich).

So anyway, I made breakfast and we got ready to go to the gym. And here is where my embarrassing lesson starts! I went to get dressed. I opened up my underwear drawer and out of habit just started to grab the top pair off the pile. I stopped and started to think. You see, the last few days that I've gone to the gym, I've had a bit of a problem. You see......well......to put it bluntly they ride in ways that they shouldn't ride. OK OK OK, I've gotten wedgies! Exercise wedgies you might say. So anyway, I was looking into the drawer and started to contemplate what pair would best serve my pursposes and NOT ride in an uncomfortable manner. And that is when I got a grand idea! I've never been much of a 'commando' girl myself...but I started to think. If I just put on my exercise pants and skip the underwear...well...there would be nothing to ride improperly! What a grand idea!!!! I couldn't believe my stroke of genius! So off to the gym I went. I did have a momentary thought of what would happen if my pants ripped out at the seam ...but I put that thought out of my mind! I entered the gym....and headed to the elliptical machine. I set myself up and started my workout. I was amazed at how wonderful my 'plan' was working. I felt no uncomfortable 'riding'. It was great. I pushed myself on the elliptical and my time on that machine eventually ended. From there I moved over to an upright exercise bike. I rode HARD....sweat was drippin' I was going gang busters ahead.....knocking fat off of my body! It wasn't until I hit my cool down that I looked down. Now don't ask me why I looked down and noticed the crotch of my pants...but I did. Ohhh my word....it looked like I peed myself. Apparently, the underwear acts as a wick and collects the sweat and keeps it from pooling in the crotch of my pants!!!!! I had to walk out of the gym and across the parking lot looking like I had peed my pants!!!! NEVER again will I go commando to the gym!!!

These things could 'only' happen to me!!!

It's all in my head!

Last night I got home from work and made dinner. I made Southwestern Chicken. We sat down to eat and I took a bite. Ohhh it was a good batch! I took a second bite. Heaven! And that is when it started. It, you may ask? Yes, that is when I started thinking about possibly eating a second helping! I sat there chewing that second bite of food and I rationalized that second serving. Normally on this dish the second serving is Todd's lunch for the next day. But I was thinking, "ohhh what does it matter, there is plenty of food for him for lunch....he doesn't need to have this for lunch" And then it hit me.

Oh my word, I'm not even fully finished my second bite of dinner and I'm already thinking about a second serving? There is no way I'm predicting what I'll feel like after I eat my original serving! I'm just saying this because I can....because I know that if I wanted it, that there is a second serving on the counter. I'm just thinking about a second serving because this meal is so tasty and good that I to want to bask in the goodness. And of course the longer I eat, the longer I can bask!

My mind immediately went to my post that I had written here only hours earlier. I thought about the fact that 1/2 cup of ice cream satisfied just as much as 2 cups. And I realized that I was not going to enjoy a second serving any more than I would be enjoying the first serving. AND I realized once again that my desire for food is not based on hunger or my physical needs, it's totally based on my thought processes!

Like a true addict, I started to eat something. I had that first 'sip' that first 'hit' and I wanted more. I was quickly losing control.....simply because it tasted so good...I wanted to prolong and experience that good feeling.

I ate my third bite and my mind was whirling freakishly fast. But through it all I realized. Yes, this meal is quite tasty.....but it's not as if I can't make it anytime I want it. It's a meal that I usually have the makings for in the house ('tis a great meal because other than normal staples such as flour, milk and eggs....all you need is a small can of green chilies, a can of corn and some chicken breast......and since I always have tons of chicken breast here, it's literally two cans that I have to have...so it's something that I consider a staple and it's relatively healthy!)....I could make it the next day if I wanted it again. It's not as if this was the only chance I'd have this lifetime.....this year...or even this month to eat this food.

At that point, I was determined to NOT have a second helping...no matter what. I ate dainty bites of food and savored each bite of that really good plate of food! I stopped at the end, ate my fruit for my dessert. And do you know what........it really was the truth...I was completely satisfied!

***********
After dinner Todd and I went grocery shopping. I just for some reason didn't feel like going by myself this weekend...so we went last night. We got home at around 9 or so and I was running around the kitchen putting the food away. Todd had picked up a bag of the baked Doritos for himself. Now I know me. I eat one...and I just can't stop. So when he ripped open the bag I ignored him. He ate one and took another one out and literally put it up to my mouth. I kept my lips firmly closed! I knew that if I ate one, that would be the end of it. I would keep eating that night until somehow I gained control and then I also knew that it would spark me to want to eat more today..and tomorrow....until there were no more (and then I'd want to buy more).

*********
My weight is still up a bit (down .4 from yesterday though). I really do think that it has something to do with the stomach issues I've been having. I have a friend that has something similar (she's also a weight watcher) and she is experiencing the same little 1-2 pound gain. Go figure!

**********
After I get off work today at noon, I'm planning on going home and eating lunch. After lunch, the plan is to go up to the gym and do at least 60 minutes cardio. I'll then come home and clean the house (more activity)...Then I will allow myself to sit back, relax and do something fun. (read or watch a movie or whatever....until it's time to make dinner for Todd and I....and it's a late dinner as he doesn't get off of work until 8PM)

Well well well.....things are progressing along. Ploddingly I should say. I've battling some kind of stomach bug. Nothing bad enough to keep me out of work...but just enough to make me queasy and cause food to travel directly through my body! (yikes)



I was thinking this morning in the shower. (yeah, I know....scary thought...mf thinking!) I was actually thinking about an message that I read on the weight watchers boards the other day. The person was talking about their 'little' victory. They wrote that they ate icecream. They measured it out and only ate the 1/2 cup serving instead of their old serving size of 2 cups (or more). AND they were totally satisfied with the 1/2 cup. Well, first of all, that is not a 'little' victory. That is absolutely huge!!! But this morning it got me to thinking. I eat food and want the big portions totally out of habit. That 1/2 cup serving will satisfy the desire for ice cream the same way that 2 cups will do. You only need 1/2 cup to take care of the issue. Ok, so my thought processes are simple in the morning...hey what do you expect....it was dark outside and I was in the shower!



Thought I would add a few more to my list of things that I'm thankful for....



*Being able to sit in a booth at a restaurant (I'm now shocked at how big and roomy they are!)

*being able to have my husbands arms comfortable go around me! That was another deep thought I had this morning. The alarm went off and I just didn't want to get out of bed. I curled up behind my husband put my arms around him. At this I've lost over 100 pounds and he's lost about 80. I was able to comfortably put my arms around him!!! Yeah, we were able to hug each other before but weighing a combined 600 plus pounds well, we were lucky when our arms went the whole way around.

*well, I could say something like, 'we both fit in the shower together now'...but that would be way too much information! ROFL! (NOOOOOOOO He was still in bed when I left for work.....so no shared shower this morning!)

My weight is a little up today...I'm not sure why. I'm not going to worry about it though. I've been totally on target with what I've been eating AND I've actually kicked butt during my last two workouts (yesterday and today).



I'm starting to 'train' and make sure that I'm riding my bike as I'm seriously contemplating joining Donna as she makes her first bike ride event! Yep, it would be my first event also. I've always said that I wanted to do this.....what a great way to start! So yes, very seriously contemplating...serious enough that I've already requested the day before and the day after off from work....they know it's tentative...but it's in the schedule. Todd and i have talked and if we do it, we will sandwich the day of the ride in the middle of a small mini vacation. We'll see. :-)



Today just thought I would make small list of things that I used to take for granted as normal but have since realized was not normal at all!



1. Having a towel that can wrap the whole way around me when I get out of the shower (those big bath sheets were also too small at one point).

2. Being able to walk into ANY store at the mall and find something that is in my size.

3. Not having to worry at an amusement park....I used to worry that I would be too big for rides...and actually wasn't able to ride some because of my size! (admittedly when we went to an amusement park this past summer, I still caught myself worrying about it.....and had to keep telling myself that I was of NORMAL weight and would fit into ANYTHING!)

4. having stomach aches constantly (well, today is an exception...I've been feeling icky all afternoon....and all yesterday afternoon as well)

5. being so big that my stomach over lapped my pants, causing my stomach to rub against the buttons on my pants....which resulted in huge sores on my stomach. I got to the point that I was buying huge band aids (those really big ones) and coating my stomach so that it wouldn't rub my skin raw!





The list goes on and on!!!!!

Weight watcher meeting??? What's that?????? Well, it is what I attended this morning. The news. Well, when I weighed myself at home I wanted to scream...my weight was up a bit. BUT, I still went. I weighed in at 197.4. It could have been a whole lot worse!

That's pretty much all I have to report. I'm determined to work my butt off and get the weight off.

Weighed myself today. (I didn't yesterday as i knew that it would be up because I had popcorn...with salt and a diet soda the night before...recipe for water retention!). 196.8. Going down!!!! Woo hooo!

I'm going to a weight watcher meeting tomorrow morning! According to this mornings weight, I'll show something very close to a maintain since my last weigh in! That really makes me happy! (I'm within about a pound....if the scales are true).

Nothing much happening. I'm eating healthy...but I will admit that I'm struggling. I want to eat and keep eating. I'm resisiting and doing my best to get it back under control!

Exercise....I've exercised 5 of the last 6 days! I'm very proud of myself. I will say that my legs felt like jelly after the gym yesterday! Back to the gym tomorrow for another go at it! Yeah, I've always read that you shouldn't work out before weighing in...hmmmmm. Oh well...that's how it's going to work into my schedule. I'll probably do something not as intense at the gym. We'll have to see.

The cat or healthy exercise?

Yes, that was my choice this morning. I set the alarm to get up an hour earlier than I needed to (I worked this Saturday morning...story of my life) in order to have time to get a bit of exercise in. The alarm went off. I hit the snooze button, rare for me to do in the first place. I fell back asleep and actually started to DREAM in that 9 minutes! It went off again. I got up and went to the bathroom and then stumbled toward the exercise bike. Lucy (the cat) was laying on the seat of the bike just sleeping away. SOUND asleep. Well, I couldn't interrupt her beauty sleep could I? So I went back to sleep and slept for that hour. Yep, fell right back to sleep and deep enough to actually be dreaming. Hmmm...maybe I needed my sleep! I'm not tooo worried. Todd and I have talked about either hiking or going to the gym this afternoon. This morning was just going to be an 'insurance' against the chance that we don't exercise later today. And if we ended up exercising....a double workout.

Ok....the big decision. As I've said, I'm having difficulty finding and getting to a weight watcher meeting. I've decided that I'm going to try to make whatever meeting I chose to attend regularly...be one that is at the beginning of the week. That way I have more chances to get my butt to an alternate meeting if anything happens that keeps me from going to my 'regular' one. The problem is that there isn't any one meeting now that I can definitely get to. My schedule changes at work ...and there are now no meetings that run outside of my work hours! Sooo that is the plan. AND, I'm going to a meeting come hell or high water this upcoming week!!!!! I've GOT to!

HAPPY NEW YEARS!

A week or so ago, I sat down and started to think about my goals for the new year. I've added one more but here they are!

1. I will get myself back to my doctors approved weight watcher weight. That is roughly 20 pounds (yeah, stop gasping...I've gained 20 pounds since mid august!)
2. Continue to keep the business books up to date and not procrastinate (I've done pretty good this year...but in years past...eii yiii yiii)
3. Exercise at least 4 hours each week. That is 4 hours a week or 16 hours a month or 208 hours a year. Wow...when I think of that it really isn't that bad sounding. :-)
4. Try one new recipe a week. Yes, some weeks may not have one...some will have two or three. But at the end of the year, I'd like to have at least 52 new recipes. I get really good about trying new recipes and cooking ideas...but after a month or two, I stop and go back to the tried and true recipes/meals.
5. Religiously take my multi-vitamin (and calcium) pill!

I've made a pretty good start. The other week (Christmas day or there abouts....when I first started thinking about my goals), my weight had crept up to 201.8 pounds. As of this morning it's down to 197.6 That's pretty substantial! I've actually tried out 3 new recipes this past week! Exercise.....I started up on Monday...and I've ridden the exercise bike each day for between 30 to 60 minutes each day! As for the multivitamin....well I thought about it at dinner last night and didn't get up at that point...and promptly forgot about it. And I'm thinking about it right now...at work....so I can't take 'em now! But I will start that!!!

Today at work I'm going to sit down and really look at my schedule and think about a ww meeting. I was thinking Friday morning 9AM meeting would work...it would be tight, but it could possibly work (as long as the meeting didn't run over...or traffic was not bad....or whatever as I would need to be at work a short time after the meeting was to end). BUT upon a few weeks of saying I was going to get to the Friday morning meeting and I've realized that Fridays are usually a long day for me at work.......and the thought of tacking on two more hours (1/2 hour drive in, 1/2 hour drive back, 1/2 hour meeting, 1/2 hour pre meeting-weigh in time) just made me want to cry each week. If it's the only thing that will work, then I guess I'll have to do it. However, my schedule is changing in a week or two and I may be able to work something else out. I have to see! One thing I know.....I NEED to get back to meetings! Accountability! In the meantime...I'm DETERMINED to get back to 195 before I go to whatever meeting I end up going to this upcoming week. (probably Tuesday morning) That is what i weighed last time i was at a meeting!! Yeah, if I don't get there, I won't be upset...because I know how bad it really got and how much I've worked to get it down to where it is today. (4.2 pound down in fact) But it's still the goal that I have set for myself!

The easy part of this journey raises it's ugly head

It's easy. SOOOOO easy to be strong and make vows to yourself, such as; "I will never be over 200 pounds again." It's easy to stand back and say, "Well, I journal and when my allotment of calories/points for the day is gone....I'm done. Period, end of story." It's great to be able to stand back and say, "I have no cravings" Or, "this journey has been the most fabulous and amazing journey." Or even, "I haven't struggled at all." I know...I've made these comments to myself over and over throughout this journey. They are usually made in the thick of a wonderful strong period of the journey, when all is going well. Eating seems a breeze, exercise...while maybe not loved, is happening daily...and the pounds are just melting off my frame. I'm forever grateful to those periods. Those periods of 'healthy living zen' are what have gotten me this far. Sometimes the 'zen' lasts months. Sometimes it lasts only a day. I strive to reach that pinnacle of healthy living each and every day.

I've come further than than I ever even dreamed possible. At one point in this journey I thought that I would be happy and call it quits at 220 pounds. I surpassed that mark and broke the two-hundred pound barrier. I made it into the one hundreds and I was tickled. As the numbers on the scale creeped lower and lower, and consequentially further away from the dreaded two-ohh ohh I made a vow. I boldly and openly vowed and declared that, "I will NEVER again see a two as the first number of my weight. I will never again be 200 pounds or above." The weight loss started to slow down....I made it into the upper 170's (for a few days) but stalled at right around 180 pounds. I stayed there...stuck between 180 and 185. But after months of that, the weight started to rise. 188, 189, ohhhh no, back into the 190's . 192 and 195 came and went. It progressed. Inside I was panicked. I was getting closer to that big bad number. Ohhh I celebrated when I saw it the first time....but to see it again would NOT be a celebration. About a week ago it happened. 201.8 glared up at me from the display on those scales.

I was not happy! I wanted to cry! How in the world could this happen. I had vowed to never see that number again, yet there it was! I promised myself and I broke that promise!

And that is the point of my whole post today. It's sooo easy to stand up and make vows and declarations about how well I'm doing. How easy it is. And how I will NEVER return to what I was. But I needed to learn a lesson. The lesson? As easy as it is to make all those remarks. It's ohhh so ever much easier to lose control and spiral out of control. In the blink of an eye, you are at a Y in the path. If you are not paying attention, you chose the wrong path and once on that wrong path.....it's hard to find your way back to the correct path! Luckily, I have realized that I chose the wrong path and have gotten helplessly lost after only 20 pounds. But what if I hadn't hit that big bad number which made me sit back and yes, freak out? Would it have been 40 pounds? 60? Would I have put back on the whole 120 pounds instead of just 20?

I'm addicted to food. Just because I'm in a thiner me doesn't take away the issue. I got a little of my drug of choice, food; and I couldn't stop. I think I needed to see how quickly it can, does and will spiral out of control. I hope by writing this post that it will help me remember in months and years to come, but also those of you who read it. Even if you are going strong now...please please please remember and learn from my mistakes!!!!

This morning....exercised 45 minutes and more importantly.....199.8

Goodbye flex points!

Ahhhhh a quiet morning here at work. Oops...afternoon now (12 minutes into the afternoon to be exact!)

I really don't have too much to say. I am coming to a conclusion to a test that I have been conducting. Right around the beginning/middle of November I was talking to a weight watcher buddy. And we were talking about how I had never been really able to eat my flex points. It seems as if anytime I eat them, I gain...or maintain on a few rare occaisions. Well, we were talking and I was lamenting this fact. We concocted a scheme in which I try to eat my flex points each week. And not just judge it on a single week or two. Try it for at least a month. I did. I do not like the results. Yeah, I've indulged here and there......but for the most part, I've been withing my points allowance (if I include those flex points). SOOOOO with a sad heart, I'm going to try to knuckle back down to the daily points and ignore those wonderful flex points. I will miss those 35 flex points!

I was reading a blog this morning (katschi) and I picked up on a line that she wrote. It was 'Make yourself proud of the choices you make today" That got me thinking about how when I am totally in control and make really healthy choices, I feel so proud and on top of the world! All of a sudden I started to think. Ok, so I'm trading that food 'high' for a prideful 'high'. That seems to be a pretty good tradeoff. Now to just continue to implement it!

Ok ok ok ok. Let me talk about weight. As we know, I started my 6 week challenge earlier this week. I was so good. And then I weighed myself (either Christmas Eve or Christmas morning) and yikes, my weight was 200.4! I ate healthy. I exercised but my weight was up. No excuses though. I looked at my journal. Could see really nothing out of whack, so just chalked it up to this bumpy ride and vowed to continue on. Well, of course Christmas day while much better than previous years was not the greatest eating wise.....I ignored the scales yesterday and vowed that today I would own up to the 'badness'. 201.8. YIKES! But that is my figure. It's going DOWN from here!

The morning after pill!

Ohh if only there was a morning after diet pill! :-)

I am doing ok with eating thus far today. I am working a long day, so I was up early and ate some cereal before packing my lunch for work. Yesterday when I was preparing Christmas dinner I purposefully fixed tons extra vegetables than we needed. Why? So I would have leftovers! So into my lunchbox for today....green beans, corn, sauerkraut, fruit salad and a wasa cracker. I'm so on track! Oh wait, I did throw in a treat. I grabbed a jello rice pudding / tapioca (can't remember which) thing....so a little sweetness, but not a lot of calories! I'm doing ok. No, I didn't exercise today. But I plan on starting SOON!

So this morning I logged on and started reading the new blog entries. I got to this one and I was so moved. It is about the christmas binge. Seashore writes that she indulged in the holiday food. BUT, she was honest with herself and actually tracked everything that she ate. NOW, I have to be honest. I track my food. My food journal is on the bar in the kitchen (in it's own little handy dandy tin to keep it from getting lost on those days when the bar gets piled high with junk...yeah those days/weeks). I enter everything. BUt I have to be honest...yesterday I started tracking. I got as far as cereal----3 points and then at the end of the day I simply wrote on the page Christmas with a smiley face beside it. I read this post and stopped dead. I wanted...no I needed to see where I stood....so here it is. (thank goodness for that christmas pass for the challenge!)

Breakfast- cereal - 3 points
Lunch- Mom's stuffing-15 points (estimate...probably low)
corn- 2 points
green beans- 0 points
baked beans- 3 points
jello cake- 5 points (thank heavens a healthy version)
sauerkraut- 0 points
Dinner roll- 4 points
Small amount of promise butter- 0 points
Sweet potatoes- 5 points
Fruit salad- 2 points
Small slice of pumpkin bread- 4 points
Ginger bread cookie- 3 points
Dinner- Turkey salad - 4 points (made as healthy as possible)
Natures Own bread- 1 point
Jello cake - 5 points

We are talking 53 points. Yes, my points are estimates while I sit here at work. But At least I faced up to it! Next thing to face up to...the scales! :-)

Christams day reporting

Day 3 of 42

MERRY CHRISTMAS!

Ok, I totally used my 'free day' pass today. I went REALLY heavy on veggies thought at our big meal! The bad stuff.....stuffing. I LOVE LOVE LOVE my mom's stuffing/dressing (I asked her to bring it to the meal). I really only get it twice a year. Once at Thanksgiving and once at Christmas. I indulged today. Lets see I had one dinner roll. I had a piece of pumpkin bread and a piece of jello cake. Really the stuffing is the bad stuff. Some of the veggies were more starchy 'bad' ones....corn and sweet potatoes. (because I had the sweet potatoes, I didn't touch the mashed potatoes).

I'm feeling stuffed though.

After we ate, I cleaned everything up. It was easier to put everything into the fridge. But after everyone left and it was just my husband and myself, I did something that was VERY difficult for me. I threw out the leftover dressing/stuffing. Dumped it! Why???? Well, as I stated earlier, I love my mom's stuffing and I would have LOVED to have eaten the leftovers. But would that have been the wisest thing for me to eat? NO! Unequivicably no! So I got rid of it! While I was doing that I also looked at what was left of the jello cake. There was quite a bit left. I cut out one more piece for me and put it on a plate. I asked my husband if he wanted some (he said no..that he wanted the rum cake that was left here....I'm not as tempted by that). SOOOOOOOO I dumped that cake into the garbage also! Got a cake server and served that yummy delicious cake right into the garbage can! Yes, that cake is low fat, light, whatever you want to call it. BUT it is a huge temptation for me. And if I would eat piece after piece of the cake, then it no longer is a wise choice.

So, I got rid of the temptation items. Straight into the garbage can they went! I'm ready to move on and get this weight loss show back on the right track!

The 6 week challenge begins!

1 of 42 (days of the 6 week challenge that is) So far so good. I'll have to be careful when I come home from work tonight as I tend to do poorly when I'm home alone in the evening 'fending for myself' in the kitchen. Yes, for some reason when I'm making a meal for my husband and I, I tend to do ok. But when I'm alone...eii yii yii, I just keep eating and eating! Plus tonight (or maybe tomorrow morning, I'll be doing a bit of baking). I can do this. I am sooo not going to mess up on day one!

Ohh yes, and in other news. I actually exercised this morning. 55 minutes on the exercise bike. Let me tell you...this is I think only the second time I've exercised since thanksgiving! (family visiting, crappy sickness, vacation eiii yii yiii.....only the sickness would have been a valid reason not to exercise). Onward and upward!

challenge

Read in Katschi's blog today that she is challenging herself. This is something that she wrote...

"I'm recommitting myself to strictness for the next 6 weeks while I'm off work. I think it builds character and I'm very curious to see how that kind of dedication pays off in weight loss results. Would you like to do this challenge with me? TOTAL commitment with NO EXCUSES accepted!!! The Boy is able to do this when he's in training mode. I so admire this strength of mind and would like to develop it in myself." It's informal ~ you're accountable only to yourself. If you're interested in pushing past your present limits you've set for yourself, I'd love to have you along for the ride.Ok, since it's the season, I'm giving a pass for Christmas Day and New Year's Eve but THAT'S IT!!! Even on those 2 days though, try and restrain yourself :)"

Sounds like a good plan to me....and since I'm trying to turn my 'trend' around.....perfect!

Fear

Yes, I was quite fearful to get on the scales. On Friday morning I weighed in at 198.6. I ate way too much food on Friday at that work Christmas party. (tis ok...it helped me get some things into perspective). But I was really nervous to step on those scales to see what the damage was. I knew I was going to be up. And I didn't have much wiggle room before I tipped the scales over that 200 mark. Quite nervous! But this morning I did it.....and the grand total was 197.4. WHEW! Moving down!!!

I have been doing much better the last few days. I will not lie and say that I am 100% on plan. I am eating within my points, but I feel as if I'm not getting all my veggies. That is my goal for this week!!! Oh yeah, and another goal for this week......start again with my multi-vitamin. I have fallen off the band wagon with that too!

Full circle

Spent some time thinking last night. Thinking about my food and the path that I've been on. You see, I was hot on the trail of good health and losing weight until last year. I can really almost pinpoint the exact moment that I started having difficulty. It was at my work christmas party. Sooo, a year has gone by. I've struggled all year long. In the last month or two, I've not only struggled, I've gained. I'm not happy with this..but I can't do anything about the past. All I can do is look at the past, reflect, learn and move on.

SOOOO, how can I pin point the 2007 work Christmas party. Well, I had been doing really well. But my co-workers were insistent that I join them in eating that day. I can't lay the blame on them...but they did egg me on to eat. And then eat some more. And then eat more still. One of my co-workers talked to me a few days later and apologized for her action, Even though she didn't egg me on like some of the others, she was sorry that she didn't tell them to shush. In fairness, the one gal that was so excited to see me actually eating was a gal that eats junk food CONSTANTLY and wears a size 2....I think she plain and simple did not understand. That said....I'm still to blame! BUt from that point, I struggled. For about 9 months I maintained...and then I started to gain. I think some of the last few months of gaining has been basically eating in frustration because I was not losing. During the months of maintaining, I was never really off the plan...but I was skirting on the edge. The good thing.....I know how to maintain. But I was frustrated and it was easy to say, "well if I'm not going to lose, I may as well eat what I want." And I started to gain.

Yesterday brought the 2008 work christmas party. Yes, I ate. I'll admit that I ate way too much. And last night (actually while I was still at work yesterday evening) it hit me....full circle. I'm determined that yesterday's party marks the end of the last wishy washy year of weight loss efforts. Where one year's party marked the beginning...I want this years party to mark the end.

So last night I was thinking some more about all of this and I've come to the conclusion. For the time being, I can't even nibble on certain things. If I start...even if it's a tiny piece of cake....I will keep going back for more. (yesterday I had a small piece of rum cake.....small piece. Ok, so that's not so bad...but that put the taste in my mouth...and I kept going back for just one more tiny piece......over and over!....ok, three pieces of cake). Ironically enough, I don't crave cake or sweets. It's only after I have 'indulged' and had a piece...THEN I want another piece! Chocolate...don't want it...but if I eat a piece...I want another piece. So why do I even start???? And that's my point. Why should I? I also know that there are situations where I can have a piece of cake or a treat. But in closely monitored instances where there is only the option for me to have that one piece.

I'm addicted to food...if I start, I can't stop. (well I can.....but it's difficult.). I would like to say that someday I'll be able to conquer this and be able to look a cake in the eye....eat one piece...or one bite and say 'that's enough'. But right now....no. So for that reason, I can't have any!

Didn't weigh myself today. Guess I'm kinda scared to. Not to fear...I will! And just because I didn't weigh in doesn't mean that I'm ready to work my tail end off (literally)!

We are not going to talk about food today. I'm eating. I'm not gorging. But I'm not living in a bubble. This is the ONE christmas party that I will eat at. Christmas is at my house and it's going to be a normal meal....heavy on veggies and only one dessert. A diet coke jello cake with fat free cool whip. Some people call these cakes poke cakes.....but regardless.....a ton healthier than some of the other options. I've decided not to stress about it.



What my topic of conversation today is going to be about is New Years Resolutions. I am part of a group of women that are committed to taking one picture a day for a year and submitting it to a central group. (see the side bar for the link to my individual pictures mf's 365 and also the link to our groups pictures envisage). Via email one of our members brought up the idea to follow a 101 things in 1001 days. Basically before you begin you think of 101 things that you would like to do in the next 1001 days. Make your list and on day one you begin working on that list. At first I thought that this was a grand idea. But then I started thinking about my obligations. I know that I need to immerse myself in the process of losing weight. It really does need to be what I live and breath (oh and eat too...haa haa haa). I am doing this one picture a day for a year. That takes some time also. I write in this blog. I have a recipe blog (at which I've been woefully missing lately). I was just afraid to really get into some other huge project that will take my time. I don't want to stretch myself too thin. AND 1001 days is a long commitment. But I just couldn't stop thinking about the premise of the plan. And that is to give yourself concrete goals for the upcoming set period. It can be used to really help push a person out of their comfort zone into a 'space' that is good. Help one grow and learn new things. I really wanted to do it. But that long committment, I KNEW that I would struggle. But then I started thinking about my New Years Resolutions. I've never really set one. I think about starting new things in the new year and I refer to my new start as a resolution. But this year, I've decided to set some concrete goals for the new year. I think a year is more managable! So I'll begin laying out my ideas here...some will be weight related....some will not. :-)

1. I will get myself back to my doctors approved weight watcher weight. That is roughly 20 pounds (yeah, stop gasping...I've gained 20 pounds since mid august!)
2. Continue to keep the business books up to date and not procrastinate (I've done pretty good this year...but in years past...eii yiii yiii)
3. Exercise at least 4 hours each week. That is 4 hours a week or 16 hours a month or 208 hours a year. Wow...when I think of that it really isn't that bad sounding. :-)
4. Try one new recipe a week. Yes, some weeks may not have one...some will have two or three. But at the end of the year, I'd like to have at least 52 new recipes. I get really good about trying new recipes and cooking ideas...but after a month or two, I stop and go back to the tried and true recipes/meals.

I'll work on laying out individual plans for each one in the upcoming days!

Well, yesterday I ate sooo badly. We stopped at McDonalds and got an Eggnog Milkshake. Now let me say that I haven't purchased anything at McDonalds in over 2 years (probably longer)...so this was huge. But I really do like their Eggnog Milkshakes...I got a small (could have had a gigantor huge one it tasted sooo good...but I did small). I made cookies for work (we have our christmas party tomorrow and we decided to have a cookie tray and punch for our customers....so I volunteered to do some cookies). Well, I ate cookie dough.....a lot of cookie dough. (ohhh yeah, I ate my allotement of calories/points just in my normal meals that I ate...so these extra things are truely extra calories that I took in). Ohh yeah, and then in the evening I made popcorn and had a diet soda. The popcorn and diet soda have so much sodium (that I'm not used to) that it affects my weight...water retention. So I KNEW that this morning was going to be BAD. (as in I'm teetering on the edge of going over 200 pounds...and I thought I would after yesterdays eating.). HOWEVER, in the middle of the night I woke up with stomach pains. Now I won't give you all the icky details but suffice to say that every hour or so I got out of bed an well, elminated some of the bad food that I ate. It happens almost everytime I eat horribly! And everytime, I realize that before I started eating healthy and was eating like that all the time, that the middle of the night stomach aches were commonplace. So this morning, still feeling a bit nauseated, I stepped onto the scale. ANd I was down almost a full pound. Oh my word. I was shocked. Nope, no exercise yesterday either.
Ok, how was that for TMI????

Now here is the question of the hour. Because we don't get these yummy treats all that often anymore, does it make us want to attack a plate of cookies with more vengenance than we would have in the past...before the altered lifestyle. Does it taste so good and do we lose control more easily because it's something that we don't get that often, or did we always fall upon a plate of cookies (fudge, cake...whatever) with a frenzy reminicent of some 'half starved, on therdeathbead

Ok, normally I put on serious things on my blog. Serious and really pushing weight loss...but today I'm putting on something fun. It's totally NOT weight friendly...and in fact it's totally the opposite. However, when I read it, while I was laughing I started to think about how I used to have this mentality (ok, maybe not this strong..but still) and how I really didn't like the person that I was when I was that way....so anyway...read and laugh.

CHRISTMAS EATING TIPS

1. Avoid carrot sticks. Anyone who puts carrots on a holiday buffet table knows nothing of the Christmas spirit. In fact, if you see carrots, leave immediately. Go next door, where they're serving rum balls.
2. Drink as much eggnog as you can. And quickly. It's rare.. You cannot find it any other time of year but now. So drink up! Who cares that it has 10,000 calories in every sip? It's a treat. Enjoy it. Have one for me. Have two. It's later than you think. It's Christmas!
3. If something comes with gravy, use it. That's the whole point of gravy. Gravy does not stand alone. Pour it on. Make a volcano out of your mashed potatoes. Fill it with gravy. Eat the volcano. Repeat.
4. As for mashed potatoes, always ask if they're made with skim milk or whole milk. If it's skim, pass. Why bother? It's like buying a sports car with an automatic transmission.
5. Do not have a snack before going to a party in an effort to control your eating. The whole point of going to a Christmas party is to eat other people's food for free. Lots of it. Hello?
6. Under no circumstances should you exercise between now and New Year's. You can do that in January when you have nothing else to do. This is the time for long naps, which you'll need after circling the buffet table while carrying a 10-pound plate of food and that vat of eggnog.
7. If you come across something really good at a buffet table, like frosted Christmas cookies in the shape and size of Santa, position yourself near them and don't budge. Have as many as you can before becoming the center of attention. They're like a beautiful pair of shoes. If you leave them behind, you're never going to see them again.
8. Same for pies. Apple, Pumpkin, Mincemeat. Have a slice of each. Or if you don't like mincemeat, have two apples and one pumpkin. Always have three. When else do you get to have more than one dessert? Labor Day?
9. Did someone mention fruitcake? Granted, it's loaded with the mandatory celebratory calories, but avoid it at all cost. I mean, have some standards.
10. One final tip: If you don't feel terrible when you leave the party or get up from the table, you haven't been paying attention. Re-read tips; start over, but hurry, January is just around the corner.

Well.....thanks to Todd I made it to the gym today. He kept gently asking me this morning "Do you want to go to the gym?" I kept saying, "No, I don't WANT to go, but I have to go." So I sucked it up and went. Whew.

My weight stayed the same this morning. I was hoping I would get a bit further away from the big two ohh ohhh but that was not to be. Oh well...tomorrow! :-)

The weather is foul right now......so the rest of my day will probably be really slow and boring here at work. Ahhh more time for surfing the internet and reading my book!

Well, well well. I thought I did good yesterday but my weight crept up even higher on the scales today as compared to yesterdays weigh in. 199 and some change. NO NO NO....this is not allowed! I have done very well today. I've eaten very healthy and totally on target today. None of this going over 200 for me!

Todd mentioned getting back to the gym...as in going tomorrow morning. I know that I need to get my butt into gear and back to daily workouts. However, I dread doing it! But I know that I need to!

In other news I'm back at work after my week off. On one hand it's nice to be back....the week off was so immensly busy, but of course it's always nice to be at home and off work. The good thing...being back at work will put me back into a routine where I can manage my eating a bit better. Not that being off is any excuse to gain...but for me, days that I work are so much more easy to navigate!

I'm back!

I am totally enjoying my day at home. I was determined to have a day at home, just relaxing. I've done a little laundry (still doing it in small spurts as the dryer guy STILl hasn't fixed it), I putzed around the kitchen and finished wrapping gifts but overall I've been just relaxing...JUST what I needed.

This past week was incredibly busy. Todd and I spent a day in DC, a day in Lancaster County PA, and a day roaming north of us that ended at a friends house for the afternoon and evening of fun. We worked in the local soup kitchen one day. One day we worked to help put on a christmas party for underprivledged kids. And then we also spent a day working and volunteering for some other various organizations. Yesterday was spent on errends that got pushed aside all week.....so it was just a plumb crazy week!!!

My weight was at one point this past week up to 199.8. I totally flipped out. That is so close to that mark that I don't even want to say out loud! I was good and dropped the number to 196 (195.8 according to ww scales). The problem....I then kinda lost a bit of control that day after the weigh in...so this morning (two days later) I was back up to 198 and some loose change. I'm not too worried as last night I had some diet soda..and that usually causes my weight to be up! We'll see. Meanwhile I'm working to bring my eating totally under control!

The plan for the rest of the holiday season is pretty straight forward. I've got to navigate my work christmas party. I feel pretty confident that I can do ok with this. We also have to take my husbands uncle out for dinner sometime right before Christmas. He wants to go to Longhorn Steakhouse. I do pretty well there. And Christmas dinner. I'm having mom and dad here and I'm doing a basic dinner..lots of veggies! No trays laden with desserts! So I think I'm good for the rest of the year!

Now to get back to exercising! Because I do know that is where that's where it's at!

I am still here. It's been one crazy week. I was off from work and literally from the moment I left work last Saturday until this afternoon, I have run my feet off. I've been on the go literally from sunup to sundown (and often beyond). We have done a small amount of travelling, (day trips) and a large amount of volunteer work in our town. My house looked like a cyclone struck it as I literally was home only to sleep, shower and dress. I'm going out for dinner tonight and I've declared tomorrow a relax day. I go back to work on Monday. :-) More on my week later.

I will say that my weight has held somewhat steady over the week...up and then down...but averaged about the same.

Ok, so I lied. I did not go to the weight watchers meeting this morning. I actually got out of bed when the alarm went off. I went to the bathroom and I was actually in the shower. And then I started thinking about how cold it was outside and how miserable I was feeling (the sinus/cold thing is still with me......so it's still icky...even if I do feel super without the strep symptoms). I got to thinking about how today is a long day of work for me...and I realized that I just wasn't going to make it. I finished my shower and went to the living room where I curled up on the sofa and read to my hearts content!

I'm aiming for the Tuesday morning meeting now! Tuesdays are one of my more shorter days....so that's good!

Feeling ohhh so much better today. Most of the intense pain in my throat has eased up. Now I'm just dealing mostly with the sinus issues.....woo hoooo! I can deal with that!!!

Hopefully soon I can get back into the exercise routine. Thus far I've been able to maintain some semblance of proper eating. My weight this mornign was right at 192.6...which is down from thanksgiving morning of 197 (and loose change). So I'm pretty tickled with that. Plus, I've maintained taht 192.6 the last few days while I haven't really been careful about what i eat...other than making sure I was eating something soft that would not hurt going down the throat. (tee hee hee).

Weight Watchers is coming out with a new program next week. Should be interesting. Maybe that's what I need...somethign a little different in which to help me stay focused on my goals. We'll see.

December 3, 2008 (94 of 365)

December 3, 2008 (94 of 365), originally uploaded by mfcstotler.

Still sick. As this was day 7 of this crude, I had to suck it up and call the doctor. Hopefully the meds kick in soon! Then I can get myself back into gear with exercise too!!!!!

Tried to weigh myself again yesterday, to no avail. That stupid scale was not going to give up my weight for me. How frustrating. A new battery was put on the list of things to get when I go to town on Wednesday. This morning, just for giggles though I decided to try again to weigh myself. It worked. 192.6.

I'm actually tickled with that as I am still sick and kinda fell off the bandwagon of healthy eating last night. Not really badly...but i should have had more veggies...oh well.

Exercise...non-existant. Well, we did make it to the gym on Sunday!

Well, I think I may have gotten a step further in my dryer saga. I had called the warranty company a week ago this past sunday. The repair place was going to call me on Monday. No call. I called them and left messages. No return calls. So yesterday i called Lowes. They said that they would contact the repair service and I would get a call by the end of the day. Nothing. meanwhile, I have clothes hanging in the library and in the guest bathroom. Sheets need washed but come on now...where to hang sheets in the house???? SO anyway, I called again this morning. They contacted a second repair place, gave me the information and said their goodbyes. Before I could even hang up the phone, the call waiting was beeping. It was the repair place that lowes had just hung up with! I talked to him extensively and told him waht the dryer did AND what Todd had checked (breakers, he had a tester and the outlet is getting power, he tested the chords on the back, etc). The guy was like....'normally I come out and check that stuff...but I'll go ahead and order the part we'll need. He said normally the part comes within a week...but sometimes can be backordered (that's normal)...so hopefully next week sometime I'll have my dryer repaired!! WOOO HOOOO!

I feel as if I've done really well with my eating yesterday and today. I feel as if I made good choices and ate wisely. My weight....well, my scales were not working. Every time I tried to weigh myself I got an error message....not cool. I even walked away and tried 15 minutes later. Oh well..hopefully tomorrow.

The bad new...I"ve got some kind of sickness going on. The glands in my throat are swollen and sore. Not only sore to swallow...but sore to the point that I will yell if anyone touches my throat.

Report

Well, I weighed in this morning. At the highest in the last week I had seen 197.8. I was SCARED to get on the scales this morning because...hello...Thanksgiving! BUT, my weight was 195.4 this morning. I was satisfied with that! I just need to be really careful today and tomorrow...the last two days I'll be with my brother and his family....which offers more food temptations than I like. BUT this weight is going DOWN!

Summing up Thanksgiving

Thanksgiving Day.

I feel as if I did really good. I did splurge and have one chocolate chip cookie. But ignored all the other desserts. For the meal, I ate mostly fruit and veggies. I have to say mostly because I made a decision going into the meal. I LOVE LOVE LOVE my mom's stuffing. So i decided that i would eat the stuffing. BUT I would skip the mashed potatoes...to cut back on the carbs/starch. I knew I really wouldn't miss the mashed potatoes as I make mashed potatoes fairly often at our house...but stuffing...for some reason, I just don't make it (yeah, I have my mom's recipe and I've actually made it for holiday meals that I've hosted...but I just don't make it at other times). So pretty good with my eating at T-day dinner.

For breakfast I had my normal oatmeal....and for dinner todd and I were home so I whipped up a little pizza for us. (fat free cheese which really cuts down on points!) So all in all I feel as if I did better than good.

I did not however make it to the gym like I had wanted to (they were open between 8AM and noon on Thanksgiving day). Cindy and I did take a long walk after the meal...so at least i did 'something'.

Today I'm back at work for a long long day. After work I'm going to head to H-town to get our two week supply of groceries. (hey, I've got a 10% off the whole grocery bill coupon to use before Sunday.....i'd be a fool not to use it). So it will be a really long day by the time I calculate from wake up.....my open to close (7:45am until 6:15 pm) day of work, driving to and from h-town, the actual grocery shopping (and a quick stop at the liquor store for some wine and guiness...todd's request) and then home to put it all away....yeah....long day! I of course packed my lunch for work...but so that i woulnd't be tempted with eating something bad in town...or picking up all kinds of bad things at the grocery store. I also packed a 'dinner' for me to eat on the way to town. So I'm set.

I did not weigh myself today....I was just out of the loop. I'll check my weight tomorrow morning for sure! And we'll see what the damage or good news is!

Family means love

Family means love, originally uploaded by mfcstotler.

We exchanged Christmas gifts with my brothers family early this year as we will not be seeing them during the Christmas season. It really sucks to live so far away from those you love.

I feel like I ate too much yesterday. No use crying over spilled milk....just move on today and do my best. I'm not going to stress out over it. It's thanksgiving. I've set out on a course to chage my life...NOT live like one in a cloister. Yes, my weight is up and no I don't want to go up any further (actually internally FREAKING out about possibly going over the 200 mark) but mental happiness is also important. My plan is to eat sensibly today (honestly I really didn't eat too bad...I just felt stuffed from what I ate...and I didn't do all my fruits and veggies that I normally do). Do my best....enjoy my family and the social time that Thanksgiving provides and not worry about it. If I'm so stressed about eating, then I will not enjoy my brothers family nor the time with my parents then while it is worth it......it's not. Does that make sense? There is a balance.

rose-collage, originally uploaded by mfcstotler.

My weight is up a bit this morning, but I"m not going to worry about it....I ate perfect yesterday, so there is no reason.

I've been super productive this morning. By 8AM, I had already cleaned the house really well. And by 9:15 I had exercised for an hour and I was already out of the shower. Now, I'm just sitting around being a sluggard until it's time to go to work. I only have to get dressed (finish drying my hair if it's not dry by then) and eat lunch. Ohhh yeah, I have to do the dishes yet...but I'll do that after I eat lunch. :-)

I've been really struggling with my new lifestyle. I won't lie. I wish I could go back and live the existance of not worrying about what I'm eating. Just living life to the fullest (eating wise). Oh yeah, I know that the results of the newer me is soo much more important and actually adds so much more to my life, but I sometimes can't help buy mourn the loss of my old friend...food.

That said......I needed what is coming next....

Oh wow......I just did this test to find out my expected life age. I did it plugging in my current "new" lifestyle. There were definitely things that I can do to help my life expectancy but my life expectancy with my current lifestyle (eating healthy foods for snacks, no red meat, my current exercise levels...all of it) is 95 years old. SOOOOO just for shits and giggles I decided to go back to the start and answer the questions in the manner that I would have answered just a few short years ago.....answers that parallel what I've been crying about and wishing that I could go back to. Are you ready for my life expectancy with THOSE answers????? 74 years old. That is a difference of 21 years!!! TWENTY ONE CRAZY years????

THAT is food for thought!

I helped mom with a catering job on Saturday night...and ate WAY too many of the leftovers! I didn't weigh in yesterday...but kept it somewhat under control yesterday...not was well as I should have though...I KNOW I went over my points. SOOOO imagine my surprise when I stepped onto the scales this morning (I almost didn't) and found my weight down to 193.4 Today and tomorrow shouldn't be tooo difficult for me as I'll be home..normal routine all that. Wednesday we are celebrating Christmas with my brother and family...so I'll be up there all day...and then we are taking Todd's uncle out for dinner...so eating out. And then obviously Thursday...turkey day. Friday will once again be no problem as I work open to close (LONG day) and I usually do really well with eating when I'm at work. Saturday and Sunday I'll be back up there. So I've managed two days up there and I have a total of 4 more days of temptation. And yes, mom's house is totally tempting. She is from the school that you feed people...and that's how you show love. She doesn't mean to...but that's just how our family (my grandmother) was also.

You know, sometimes you wonder why in the world God is doing stuff. WHy he is putting so much on your plate. Yeah yeah yeah,I know that God doesn't give us anything we can't handle...but the stress!

Yesterday I was drying a load of clothes while I ate lunch. I stopped the dryer when I left, simply because we don't like to leave stuff on while we are not at home (my husband has a fit about a crockpot!). The clothes were only half dry. I was walking through the house after I turned it off and noticed that it smelled really hot. Kinda worried me for some reason, but I sniffed and figured it was just the hot dryer smell. It was enough of a worry that I actually went back inside and checked one last time. But it was all good. SOOOOOOO.....fast forward to me once again being home and suddenly remembering that I have half dried clothes in the dryer. I swung into the laundry room and went to start the dryer. ohhhhhhh noooooo......stupid sucker wouldn't turn on. No, I am not joking!! The brand new heatpump and heating system on Wednesday..the dryer now! I checked the breaker and fiddled with that sucker...nothing. Deader than a doornail. It is almost as if it is not getting power. Now let me back and reminisce about my dryers. I bought a washer and dryer in 2000. August to be exact. I had the extended warranty....5 years that time. Used the dryer....and in SEPTEMBER of 2005 the stupid thing broke, ONE MONTH AFTER THE WARRANTY EXPRIED! (it had to be a conspiracy...I think Kenmore/Sears must have had a bomb in it to blow up right after the warranty expired) It was more costly to get it repaired, so we junked it and bought a new one. We went maytag this time....good brand. I did get the extended warranty. In April of 2007 the moter was replaced in the dryer. NOOOOO I'm just washing and drying normal loads of clothes. Heck, there is only two of us! Anyway....back to this current breakdown....I panicked. It is November of 2008. If we bought a 3 year warranty we are totally out of luck (like we ever had it in this case anyway) because it's 2 months past the 3 year mark. I did look and I can breathe a bit of a relief.....it is a 4 year warranty. Todd just ran to the studio to get stuff from the electronics workshop. He wants to double check the power supply to the washer and the connections and stuff that we are responsible for. BUT at least if it's fried, we are covered. At that point, it's just a waiting game to try to get someone here (on thanksgiving week...RIGHT) and work around our work schedules (HA)....and in the meantime, have clothes hanging all around the house drying!

Missed my weigh in this morning.....I was a little pre-occupied.

Last night I ate horribly. I worked on a catering job, helping serve and keep platters full. Yeah, I ate there also....party food is NOT health concious food.

On the good note...my brother and his family arrived safely yesterday!!!

My weight....sitting right around the same. It seems as if i'm hovering between 192 and 196. I know that some of that is me...I'm so focused some days..but then others I struggle. I haven't been to a meeting this week. I was plannign on going this morning and then last night I wasn't thnking and we had popcorn and I drank it with a diet soda. I've figured out that when I drink a diet soda in the evening, that my weight is up...I guess the sodium...which doesn't seem that high, but you know. And couple that with popcorn...I knew immediately that weighing in would probably not be the greatest of ideas this morning. And sure enough, I was up 1.5 pounds. SO I skipped it...bad bad bad...I know! I don't know if I'll be able to get there next week....with the holiday and my brother in town...but I've GOT to start going religiously to a meeting each week. No ifs ands or buts. I need it for accountability and motivation!

I weighed myself this morning. I was quite nervous. yesterday I made pancakes and turkey sausage in the morning. Chili and cornbread for lunch. Chicken and rice casserole for dinner. I had a banana with peanut butter for a snack AND a jello pudding cup. Yikes! But this morning I was at 194.8. So it could have been worse.....overall that's pretty much the same as I was last week. I need it to go DOWN DOWN DOWN!

I did exercise this morning. 30 minutes on the exercise bike!

Well.....for all that talk I didn't weigh myself today. Not because I didnt want to...but life kinda got in the way. This morning we awoke at about 5....I don't know what woke me up..but I decided to go to the bathroom. BRRRR it was cold. Todd got up at the same time (same reason I guess) and he commented on how cold it felt. He went out to the thermostat...."Uhhhh MF it says it's 50 degrees in here" It showed that it was 23 outside...and the heat pump/fan was not running AT ALL. The thermostat showed the aux heat on...but it was blowing COLD air....obviously at 50 degrees inside. Todd went out and checked the breaker on the heat pump...all was well. We flipped the indoor breaker to shut down the heating system totally...hoping to reset it. We waited, we turned it back on....Todd noticed that we had the option for 'emergency heat'....well this sounded like an emergency...so he chose that option. It ran and it was blessed warm air for about 5 seconds...and then silence......we waited for the heat pump to re-set itself again. I don't know what happened but when it kicked back on this time, the aux heat came back on and it seemed warm. The aux heat worked for us and brought us up to 'livable' temps within the next hour...but by that time, I had already forgotten about weighing in........oh yeah, I'd already also made pancakes (with pecans for Todd) and fried up a little bit of turkey sausage..

We are trying to stay closer to home because we dont' know what's up with the heating system....the guy will be here late this afternoon/early evening.

I'll take it

I had such good plans yesterday and then I went out for dinner with mom and dad. I didn't order too badly. I ordered pretty much my normal. I got a salad, a baked sweet potato and then I got a side of baked beans. My problem...the rolls....with the cinnamon butter. YUMMY! I indulged...oh yeah, I indulged in some peanuts also!

So this morning I was contemplating not weighing myself...because I assumed that my weight would be up (even if just from the salted peanuts...not to mention the bread and butter) But, I had just the other day written about how I do better if I weigh myself every day, so I did it. I stepped onto the scales (remember yesterday was 185.8) Today was 184.0! I don't know...but I'm not asking questions! I know that I will have to really watch today because I know from past experiences that I can fight through ONE day of poor choices, but not two or three!

Nope...didn't exercise this morning......just couldn't get to it. I did however get most of the laundry completed! (one more load to fold when I get home). I also put together the casserole for dinner tonight...it's in the fridge and there is a note for Todd to tell him what time it goes into the oven this afternoon. So at least it wasn't an unproductive morning...even if it wasn't what I really should have been doing!

bear nativity

bear nativity, originally uploaded by mfcstotler.

Just had to take a picture of the most adorable nativiy scene that I found and purchased. Bears!!! :-)

Mom and dad took me out to eat tonight...can't say as I did all that great foodwise. I could have done better, but it still wasn't as bad as it could have been.....ohh well, I could have done without the extra roll!!

eii yiii yiii.....I KNOW that when I dont' weigh in, I tend to 'slip'!!! This morning i was back at 195.8! ARRGGGHHHHHHHH

I'm not sure where my weight is. I didn't weigh yesterday morning...nor did I weigh this morning. Yesterday morning was by choice, this morning I plain and simple forgot until my breakfast was halfway down the hatch. This is bad. I nee to be weighing myself daily....for me it keeps me on track. I'm motivated when I see loss...and conversely, Im motivated when I don't see loss. Honestly, it's the days that I don't weigh (and lets face it.....I'm not as religious about weighing for the most part when I've been not the greatest with my eating and exercise) I tend to lose control more quickly!

Yesterday....didn't exercise. I woke up bright and early to exercise before going to work and I just couldn' do it. I reset the alarm and slept for that extra hour. And getting to it later in the day...well I didn't even sit down until somewhere near 7 or 8 pm..I was on the go all day. Oh well, you can't win them all. This is life and life will do that to sometimes!

Dropped a bit more on the scales this morning to 192.8. WHEW! I'm actually somewhat shocked with that as I woke up thirsty (not a good sign) and well..there are other factors that would make my weight a bit higher....ones that we will not go into detail here! :-) So I'm pretty happy!

At 6AM I was hot on the trail...well the exercise bike trail. Woo hoooo!!! I only did about 30 minutes...but that is 30 minutes that I did. I know that I can make grand plans to ride or exercise in the evenings, but it just doesn't seem to happen. Life and it's obligations just seem to get in the way. Oh well. :-)

Meeting results

Well, I wrote yesterdays post really early in the morning. I'm happy and proud to say that I did force myself to go to an early morning weight watchers meeting shortly after I posted yesterday. Officially, I was up 1.4 pounds.....to 194.4 pounds. (my home weight was 194.8) BUT that's not taking into effect that I had gained and gone even higher but had pulled myself back down a bit. Oh well....I'm determined that the numbers will continue downward...officially also! :-)

After my meeting, I hightailed it to the gym. I had a great workout. It flew by...thanks to my friend Sherry who I ran into at the gym. We got to talking while we exercised and the time just FLEW by! :-) I helped mom and dad move furniture and Todd and I worked outside clearing more land. (will that job EVER end???). So I was pretty active yesterday. I ate a little over my pointage but I felt pretty good about my day overall.

SOOOO this mornign I weighed myself. 194.2 That is a loss of .6 from yesterday morning. WOO HOOOO! I rode the exercise bike this morning for 55 minutes so I'm doing good thus far. I've eaten right and I'll be ok tonight I feel. :-)

Days off

Yes, I had yesterday off from work as the bank was closed due to Veterens day. What did i do with my 'landfall'? I cleaned the house, what else? The house is spic and span. I moved the furniture around so that it is basically ready to decorate for Christmas. I anticipate doing that next Wednesday as the following week is Thanksgiving. Yes, I'll be decorated before Thanksgiving. This year my brother and his family will be travelling to spend Thanksgiving with us (Christmas they will travel in the opposite direction and spend it with my brother's in-laws.....we switch back and forth every year). Soooooo since the Christmas stuff starts so soon, I figure to decorate. Actually I know from experience that if I don't decorate before they come, when they leave I feel like Christmas is partly over...and I won't have it in me to decorate. :-)

Yesterday I woke up and my weight was 195.6. This morning I woke up and I was 193.8. So that is a nice drop. Yeah water weight.....I'm so happy that you are 'departing'!

You know.....when it rains it pours. The dog at the farm/studio passed away today. We are really bummed!

Thank heavens I have off tomorrow. I feel as if today was the same as a full week! Longer!

On a different note. I had a super healthy meal tonight. I made Szechaun Chicken Stir Fry. YUMMY.

Today is a super stressful day for Todd and I. I'm not going to go into details here, but suffice to say that we have a lot riding on this day! I'm sitting here at work and worrying about things that I have no control over....which is pointless I know. But that's easier to say than to follow.

I did not weigh myself this morning. Yesterday, while I did walk quite a bit....I KNOW for a fact that I was really dehydrated. I was dying of thirst at one point. Toward the end of the day, I had picked up a headache. I'm almost 100% positive that it's because of my lack of drinking. What did I drink? In the morning with my oatmeal I had 'maybe' 8 ounces of water. I didn't have anything else until lunch (which we ate at about 1:30 or so)...and that was a diet coke. I drank about 3/4 of the bottle. NOTHING else until we got home at about 8PM. And then I downed 3..count em...THREE cans of Diet Sunkist! Does carbonated beverages count??? I know that the sodium in those drinks will also have an affect on my weight today (I've noticed that they always do)....so we'll hold off.

However, this morning on the drive in to work (ohhh the whole 2 mile drive...yeah yeah yeah...I COULD ride my bike..but it's a winding country road and it will be dark when I get off of work!) I thought about how I need to shake myself out whatever diet lull I'm in (oh wait...I don't call this a diet....but you get the point) and get my butt in gear and get myself back down to my goal weight so i can STOP PAYING FOR WEIGHT WATCHERS! I did it....and thoroughly enjoyed those two or three free months until my weight sky-rocketed!

On to the bad news of the day. Yesterday morning...early in our sojourn in DC, I was walking and my foot flipped out. I'm not sure if my ankle simply turned (it does that) or if I stepped wrong on something uneven to cause my foot to twist...but regardless I hurt my foot. Todd knew it happened and I forced myself to continue walking. This is a common thing that happens to me....my foot twists quite commonly...it usually hurts for a few minutes and then the pain subsides. So I just told him to continue walking and it would be all right. I didn't want to tell him that while it did ease up some.....it continued to bother me all throughout the day. Granted I was on my feet the whole day (this happened within an hour or our arrival in DC). I hoped that it would ease up some after I was off of it. I was wrong. That was my first thought this morning when I woke up and my foot moved....it hurts. FU...........DGE!!!!!!!!!!!! (OK, that was for anyone that is a fan of The Christmas Story...you know..Ralphie...You'll shoot your eye out......one of my husbands all time favorite movies.....one he could and does watch OVER AND OVER again).

So there is where I'm at.

white house

white house, originally uploaded by mfcstotler.

Didn't weigh myself today....nor did I eat all that well....nor did I do any formal exercise. Does it count that I walked ALL day???

Woke up this morning and both Todd and I just knew that we wanted to do 'something' or go 'somewhere' today. We didn't want to stay at home. We began running through options in our head. Manassas Battlefield, Monocacy.....should we do the official tourist thing and stay in Sharpsburg and officially tour the Antietam battlefield (living here you tend to take the historic significance for granted). The list went on...the Baltimore Maritime Museum, the aquairium, The Cass railroad in West virginia, New Market, VA, Lurray caverns? We went round and round. We finally settled on driving toward DC and hopping the metro and spending the day on or near the mall. We hit up a few things (the White house visitors center, THe Holocaust Museum, THe Hirshhorn, and we briefly stopped into the National Art Gallery). All in all it was a good day and good to get away...it helped me forget about my worries that have been keeping me 'down'."

The bad thing.....the cafe where we ate our lunch...I caved and had a dessert...YUMMY!

Lets seee.......

**I didn't weigh myself today. I just plain and simple didn't feel like it!

**Even though I felt not at all charitable this morning toward this 'journey' to lose weight....I did get on the exercise bike and ride for about 30 minutes early this morning (before I even went to work)

**Currently working on taking all of our old pictures (digital) and pulling them into the photoshop elements organizer. The pictures stored on my computer are done....just started the ones stored on Todd's computer. Yikes....how'd we get so many pictures! It's gonna be fun for me though to go through them...look at them all. (also a headache on some...trying to figure out where and who!)

**Still just feeling blah....snap out of it MF!!

The life of a cat

The life of a cat, originally uploaded by mfcstotler.

Not much happening here today. My weight as up this morning. I didn't do to badly today....but then again, not that great with my eating. My positive for the day.....I did 70 minutes of exercise!!!

duldrums

I'm still feeling really blue and well, miserable. I know that some of it can be attributed to the monthly ick, which has arrived on my doorstep. But I will also say that usually I feel down UNTIL it starts and then once it actually arrives I'm ok. Not this month. SOooo I just want to sit here and cry. Not doin' it.......why? because I'm at work.

I should be jumping up and down for joy. This morning I was getting ready for work and I was in the closet looking for something to wear. I just couldn't find anything that interested me. I looked up on the shelf and saw a corduroy skirt that I bought on sale last year, in a size 10 (hey, that's all they had). I tucked it away because I couldn't' wear it. Something possessed me to try it on this morning. I did and guess what I'm wearing to work. Yep, a size 10 skirt. No, I'm not a true size 10...but it's a size ten that I'm wearing right now.

As for my weight 192.0 this morning. Typically, if things are true to history, the ick weight will drop off in about two more days. I'll be anxious for that. If I'm lucky it will drop me back into the 180's! :-)

Worked out at the gym for almost an hour and a half yesterday and I did get on the exercise bike this morning and rode for just shy of an hour....so I'm working on it!

reflection of change

reflection of change, originally uploaded by mfcstotler.

As I've pondered where I am in my weight loss journey, I started to think about how much I've changed. So a reflection of my image was fitting for a picture, even though that wasn't my original intent. Is it even more fitting that it's a reflection in a cooking pan????

My weight was up a bit this morning. It could be any myrid of reasons. It could be the delicious Apple strudel that I made yesterday. It could be the hot dogs that I roasted on the fire last night, salt city. Or it could be the fact that the wonderful (note the sarcasm) ick should be here within the next week or so. Hmmmm.

Apple Strudel......ok, so yesterday morning I decided at the last minute that I wanted to try my hand at apple strudel. So I read a bit about apple strudel online and whipped one up. Let me say, it was super tasty! I actually did have the points for it. (I think...I need to work up the points today).

The Hot dogs. Todd decided yesterday that he wanted to cook a steak and potato over an open fire last night. Now I'm still on my ban of beef products...so a steak was out of the question for me. So I got to thinking..what's the next best thing over an open flame...HOT DOGS! Nooooooooooooooo. I bought turkey dogs....100% fat free. But, even though they are fat free they are still high in sodium. So I fear that may have affected my weight. OOOPS....I forgot, we also roasted a few marshmallows (which I forgot to put into my daily food log.....uhhhh ohhhh). We forwent the chocolate and the graham crackers though! (I did have them...but we decided to just go with marshmallows to save calories/points).

The ick....well.....there need be no explanation for that. That is self-explanatory.

So, we woke up early this morning. We got dressed and headed out. By 8AM, I was done voting and Todd and I were on the canal taking a nice walk. We were out for about an hour and a half. Fall is such a wonderful time of the year!

Monday duldrums

Sherrick Trail, originally uploaded by mfcstotler.

I may be quiet...but I'm still plugging along in this journey. ON saturday and Sunday both, Todd and I went out hiking. The picture above is from the trail that we hiked on Sunday...don't you just love the little log steps that they put in on some of these trails (this one is from the Sherrick trail on the ANtietam Battlefield). On Saturday we walked the C&O Canal. This morning I rode the exercise bike. :-)

Just writing that last paragraph I'm blown away at how blessed I am that I have two national parks within walking distance from my house. And parks that are peffect for hiking, walking, and bike riding!

My weight is down to 191.2 from the 193 that I was at on Thursday morning.

I don't have much to say today. I"m feeling a bit blue.......

Weighed myself this morning. I did so with some fear and trepidation because I have eaten over my points value each and every day. But I'm down to 191.8. So that is 1.2 pounds in the last two days. I'll take it!

Last night I curbed my nighttime eating desire by eating tic tacs. It worked!!! I know I used to eat the WW fruities in the evening when I felt the urge to eat......I forgot about that trick. IT WORKED! WOOO HOOO!

I got up an extra hour early this morning and I hopped on the exercise bike. I knocked out 45 minutes. I was watching the biggest loser (australian season three). They had the contestants doing some type of drills on the treadmill...run and then a walking recovery. Well during the recovery they asked questions. The one question was "name one thing you like about yourself". The first guy rattled off "I'm a funny guy" but then they got to the next girl. She just stood there and you could see the blankness on her face. She really didn't' have a clue as to what to say....and she couldn't think of something. It got me to thinking.....how many overweight people put up this wall of 'fatness' around themselves and they stop (or can't ) see the good in themselves. I think is some ways that I have in the past and honestly even in the present experienced this. I think where I"m at now is that I can see the good stuff but it's sometimes hard to believe the looks part because I still struggle with seeing myself as a thinner person.