Tuesday, December 16, 2008

Ok, normally I put on serious things on my blog. Serious and really pushing weight loss...but today I'm putting on something fun. It's totally NOT weight friendly...and in fact it's totally the opposite. However, when I read it, while I was laughing I started to think about how I used to have this mentality (ok, maybe not this strong..but still) and how I really didn't like the person that I was when I was that way....so anyway...read and laugh.


1. Avoid carrot sticks. Anyone who puts carrots on a holiday buffet table knows nothing of the Christmas spirit. In fact, if you see carrots, leave immediately. Go next door, where they're serving rum balls.
2. Drink as much eggnog as you can. And quickly. It's rare.. You cannot find it any other time of year but now. So drink up! Who cares that it has 10,000 calories in every sip? It's a treat. Enjoy it. Have one for me. Have two. It's later than you think. It's Christmas!
3. If something comes with gravy, use it. That's the whole point of gravy. Gravy does not stand alone. Pour it on. Make a volcano out of your mashed potatoes. Fill it with gravy. Eat the volcano. Repeat.
4. As for mashed potatoes, always ask if they're made with skim milk or whole milk. If it's skim, pass. Why bother? It's like buying a sports car with an automatic transmission.
5. Do not have a snack before going to a party in an effort to control your eating. The whole point of going to a Christmas party is to eat other people's food for free. Lots of it. Hello?
6. Under no circumstances should you exercise between now and New Year's. You can do that in January when you have nothing else to do. This is the time for long naps, which you'll need after circling the buffet table while carrying a 10-pound plate of food and that vat of eggnog.
7. If you come across something really good at a buffet table, like frosted Christmas cookies in the shape and size of Santa, position yourself near them and don't budge. Have as many as you can before becoming the center of attention. They're like a beautiful pair of shoes. If you leave them behind, you're never going to see them again.
8. Same for pies. Apple, Pumpkin, Mincemeat. Have a slice of each. Or if you don't like mincemeat, have two apples and one pumpkin. Always have three. When else do you get to have more than one dessert? Labor Day?
9. Did someone mention fruitcake? Granted, it's loaded with the mandatory celebratory calories, but avoid it at all cost. I mean, have some standards.
10. One final tip: If you don't feel terrible when you leave the party or get up from the table, you haven't been paying attention. Re-read tips; start over, but hurry, January is just around the corner.


Anonymous said...

Very funny! I think everyone ought to enjoy the holidays like that.
Which actually brings up a really good point. You should never diet until you do not enjoy life at all. It really is very important to eat a healthy diet, to exercise and get enough rest. But you also have to live. You do not need to go overboard, but it really is nice to have treats once in a while without all the guilt. Good lesson!

Donna B said...

Too cute! Someone sent this to me yesterday. Thanks for sharing!

Donnalouise said...

Hehehe A similar list was emailed to me just last week. Too funny! We all need a break from thinking about weight loss and being healthy time by time. :)

Deborah said...

Too funny. Thanks for the chuckles. But I love fruit cake, only the kind that's been soaking in rum. :o)

JC said...

How funny coming from you. I'm cracking up. Thanks for making me laugh. I really am wanting some egg nog.

Anonymous said...

That was hilarious!