Why

Oh yeah, my Chinese lunch was DELICIOUS yesterday.  The conversation with my friend was even better!  It was a perfect lunch!   

My weight on the scales though?   Not so perfect.  I was up by about a pound and a half.   At least I know why.  Chinese food is a bit high in sodium so I'm sure it is a water retention issue.  Yes, I'm pounding the water today!

So my self mini "I Pity the Fool"  Challenge is being joined by some friends and some readers.  There is nothing to the challenge...other than just focus on the short term goal of April Fools Day.  Focus on that short term time frame and create a nice doable goal (no more than 14 pounds because anything more than 2 pounds a week isn't exactly recommended!)!   Well, for those actually 'playing along' they will be hearing me babble about progress and what is happening....and of course the weekly reminders when I have my weigh in!   

One of my friends asked what my plan of attack was going to be for this challenge.  I am going back to the basics.  Calories in versus Calories out.   Plain and simple.  I have a set amount of calories....I eat those calories and when they are gone...I am done eating, even if I run out of calories at 11 in the morning.     And by golly, if I run out of calories at 11AM, I sure as heck better exercise to earn something  small for dinner.    

Strict tracking and calorie counting!!!

Chocolate can be part of the plan......but I have to work it into my plan!!!!

Exercising will be part of the basic and simple plan.  The earned calories will give me a bit of peace as I don't plan on being a Nazi about remaining at exactly the caloric goal.  But I will be a little more loose on days I exercise.....by maybe a 100 calories or so.  I don't want to actually eat my earned exercise calories...I just want to have them in the can so that I don't have to worry so much about measuring out every nibble of food I eat. 

The other thing that came up was that I somehow started to think about the reasons that I want this.  What will losing the weight mean for me.......

1.  Awesome clothes from ANY store

2.  Energy....amazing energy

3.  Sense of pride and accomplishment

4.  Smoking hot body

5.  Health....I want to live

6.  I want to be active and not have my weight hold me back

What other reasons are out there?   Tons more I know!!!!

Why am I doing this Again?

Routine, work well when I am in a routine and things are going like 'normal'.  This week was anything but routine.  Snow (yes, again) on Monday cancelled Zumba.  Snow lingering on the ground on Tuesday and Wednesday (and remember I get off work at 6 so it's dark when I get off) kept me from running in the morning (ok and because I'm a wimp and don't run in snow and on ice).   No zumba due to fat tuesday and Ash Wednesday (the church uses the hall that we use) and well, it just blows my routine.  I ate half way decently, but there may or may not have been some brownies involved. (ironically enough, the days I ate the brownies I actually ate accordingly and didn't blow my calories).  Hopefully this week will get me back on track.

So as I struggled this week I had lots of thoughts going through my head.   I will admit that not all the thoughts were positive. One day I was getting ready to go to work and I was thinking about situations in my life and then my quest to be thin and I have to admit it.  What am I admitting?   Out loud for the world  (ok so it was just my cats in the house with me) to hear I said "Why am I doing this?"   You see, losing the weight is not going to 'save' my marriage.     It's not going to solve my financial woes.  It's not going to magically give me a career that I love.  It's not going to do lots of things.  Why am I denying myself the things I love when I'm not going to reap the benefits of my hearts deepest desire.  Why indeed!

I am happy to say that I didn't say that and just rush off to the kitchen to eat up a pan of brownies....or a bag of chips...or whatever.  I don't rightly know why not.  I think it was simply because my mind was just lethargic that day and I didn't have the brain power available to think about it so I just continued on with the path that I was on.  Maybe I did have a moment of clarity that said "continue on" .  I don't know.

Whatever the reason, this week I continued forward; pretty much on autopilot.  And then a chance encounter at a grocery store  made me step back and think about it deeply.

I was in the checkout line at the grocery store and the cashier looked at me and said "Do you like this product?"  It was for Smart Ones frozen pizzas.  I actually buy them for Todd...I'm not a big fan. I told her that....said that the smart ones tend to be high in sodium but they do the trick.  They manage portion control and are quick and easy that that sometimes is what we need to avoid McDonalds or other bad places (ok, they aren't bad but it just sounded good).  We got to talking.  She is 2 weeks into her journey.  I gave her a brief history.... "weighed over 300 pounds, lost 130 some pounds, gained a few back and now working to relose".  My brief history opened up the floodgates and she started talking.  She mentioned that someone had noticed her weight loss. For some reason, it brought back a memory.

I had lost probably about 100 pounds and I was walking down the street when a truck drove by.  The guy in the truck whistled.   I jumped and looked around to see who was around, because Fat girls don't get whistled at.   Much to my surprise I was the only one on the street and furthermore, the truck was at the stop sign and he was looking at me.   I was in shock.  Serious shock.  Here I was in my mid 30's and I had had my first 'whistle'.  Yeah, I'd like to say I was graceful and smiled, maybe flipped my hair over my shoulder all sexy like.   However, that wasn't the case.  In shock, I tripped and fell down.  I KID YOU NOT!

But you see, I was whistled at. ME.  I don't need to be whistled at to make myself feel good.  But honestly, I want to be the woman that IS whistled at!  I want that.

I talked to this cashier about the energy levels I had at my lower weight.  It was amazing.  Exercising takes time but I still had more than enough time in my day to get stuff done.  I want that!

The more I thought about the whistle the more I remembered the good things about being thin.  (and some I never lost when I started regaining, but if I don't get it in line, I will be in grave danger of losing these perks)

**Clothes that fit spectacularly
**Fitting on rides at amusement parks
**Energy
**Towels that wrap the whole way around your body
**Clothes that can be purchased ANYWHERE, not just the fat woman's store...or in the fat woman's department
**Not being cramped in a table at a restaurant,
**going through a turnstile without having to squish my fat body through the tight space
**Self confidence.......you see when we feel food about ourselves, our self confidence flourishes

And yes, I could sit here and come up with a TON more  TONS

Maybe the perks do outweigh the choice of giving up what I love..

Deep thoughts and reflections

Thank you from the bottom of my heart Val! Your generosity has really touched my soul! I can't even express how much! Thank you!

I was reading blogs this morning and got to thinking about my weight and what caused me to start losing. I thought I would list them here...as a reminder to myself. You see, after losing a significant amount of weight, those ailments and reasons are pushed aside or have disappeared (some fully, some for the most part) and it's easy to forget why I'm doing this. So here goes.

1. My weight was going to kill me sooner or later. It would have been a miracle if I did not end up with diabetes, heart disease, high blood pressure and every other weight related illness known to man. I had already been diagnosed with high cholesterol and had had a few instances where my blood pressure was elevated...nothing regular thank the Lord!

2. I was sick constantly. It was not abnormal for my stomach to hurt and to spend half of the night clutching my stomach and rushing to the bathroom.

3. Knees. At the tender young age of 28 I was diagnosed with osteoarthritis in my knees. The doctor bluntly told me that the only thing that would really help was to remove as much weight as possible from my knees. I didn't really pay attention and do anything about it....and then I started feeling the pain in my hips. (apparently when the knees go, the hips sometimes follow)

4. To be able to dress how I want and not in whatever clothes I find that fit me without looking terrible.

5. It hurt to watch family member struggle with their weight and illnesses...and I knew I was following in their footsteps!

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A long time ago I realized that I lose more weight when I am completely focused on losing. Almost as if losing weight is my sole purpose in life and all else is secondary. I noticed that when that focus slipped, I started to not lose weight. ohhhh I may have maintained some weeks, but eventually I would gain.

In September I started a 365 project in which I take a picture a day for a year. I made it 6 months....it became my focus. I thought constantly about what I was going to take a picture of...I thought about what I could do to that picture in photoshop. I spent hours playing around with the camera...on the computer... I read books...etc etc etc. Not that that was a bad thing....but my focus was on my photography. Is it a coincidence that my weight started spiralling out of control in October? I even started doing a monthly scavenger hunt with my camera....taking my attention even further into photography. Once again, not a bad thing......unless that focus could be better spent on something else......me.

In the last week I've been thinking. While I don't want to really stop the 365 project...I know that I need to readjust my priorities and make losing weight my primary goal. That has to be my focus...even above my training for this ride. Losing weight is number one. Luckily, the training should enhance my weight loss. :-) But my main focus needs to go back to losing the weight!

Way to go to the contestants on The Biggest loser for persevering through and completing their own half marathon! It reminds me of something that my brother talked about when I called him for training advice. He told me that distance biking (the advice is the same for running) is more of a mental battle than anything else. You have to have your mind wrapped around the objective (finishing what you set out to do) and then go for it and don't look back! He talked about how he has gone on 100 rides with people that have had little or no training (in fact he has done it some years) and how they push through the pain and focus on their objective and they do it! The contestants talked about how Tara and Sione could do it because they run 6 miles at the ranch. 6 miles is NOT 13 miles. Yeah, they may be more conditioned and better prepared than someone that doesn't run at all (yeah, some of them looked really awkward running...but hey, not all are runners and even though they looked awkward, they finished. Like I was saying 6 miles is not a half marathon...they were not prepared and conditioned to run a half marathon. So how did they finish? What pushed them to continue through the pain. Ohhh yeah, it was that mental training. They had their mind wrapped into their mission. They were focused on the goal.

I had a really difficult time holding in my emotions when the contestants went home. I hope that at some point on the show they actually come back and say (or I can find out somehow) that Ron's son (not mike...the one at home) has started to lose and that he is getting healthy. Tore my heart out! Yeah to Kirsten's sisters for taking control and losing weight in conjunction to their mother and sister being on the shoe! While my heart aches for Aubry's father (who wouldn't be bothered by a 500 pound man). I wanted to shake Aubrey. She went on the attack I think with her father. Come on...he's 500 pounds! He can't see the light at the end of the tunnel. He doesn't know where to start to change! Don't preach at him....teach him!!!! Show him where he needs to start. Hounding someone is not going to make them change!

Ok, enough of my thoughts on The biggest loser!

My weight is a little up today...I'm not sure why. I'm not going to worry about it though. I've been totally on target with what I've been eating AND I've actually kicked butt during my last two workouts (yesterday and today).



I'm starting to 'train' and make sure that I'm riding my bike as I'm seriously contemplating joining Donna as she makes her first bike ride event! Yep, it would be my first event also. I've always said that I wanted to do this.....what a great way to start! So yes, very seriously contemplating...serious enough that I've already requested the day before and the day after off from work....they know it's tentative...but it's in the schedule. Todd and i have talked and if we do it, we will sandwich the day of the ride in the middle of a small mini vacation. We'll see. :-)



Today just thought I would make small list of things that I used to take for granted as normal but have since realized was not normal at all!



1. Having a towel that can wrap the whole way around me when I get out of the shower (those big bath sheets were also too small at one point).

2. Being able to walk into ANY store at the mall and find something that is in my size.

3. Not having to worry at an amusement park....I used to worry that I would be too big for rides...and actually wasn't able to ride some because of my size! (admittedly when we went to an amusement park this past summer, I still caught myself worrying about it.....and had to keep telling myself that I was of NORMAL weight and would fit into ANYTHING!)

4. having stomach aches constantly (well, today is an exception...I've been feeling icky all afternoon....and all yesterday afternoon as well)

5. being so big that my stomach over lapped my pants, causing my stomach to rub against the buttons on my pants....which resulted in huge sores on my stomach. I got to the point that I was buying huge band aids (those really big ones) and coating my stomach so that it wouldn't rub my skin raw!





The list goes on and on!!!!!