A few days ago, I decided to really kick up my workouts a notch! I'm so very pleased. Yeah, my abs are so for kicking up the ab section of my workout. BUT overall, it is a great feeling of satisfaction to know that I perservered and did it, and knowing the results that I'll show for it! :-)

I'm hoping to be at my goal by December. That would be about 40 pounds to get to my 'mental' goal of 150. That's 40 pounds in 4 months. Doable? Yeah....BUT, that's not exactly the healthy recommended 2 pounds a week...that's a tad bit more than the recommended weekly weight loss. NOW....my weight watchers goal....for me to get to lifetime is only roughly 30 pounds away. THAT is my realistic goal! :-) But, as I've stated before...putting a time label on this process is a bad thing to do. Slow and steady wins the race in the long run. It's going slow, but I'm learning how to daily adjust and live my life. Tools that I'll need in order to maintain my goal weight! If I did this fast, then I wouldn't have learned all these lessons along the way!

Weigh in

I gained .4 this week. I'm not to overly concerned about it though as TOM arrived right in time for my weigh in! So it was not surprising or shocking at all. I've found that my weight at this point can flucuate up to 2 pounds each month at this time.

On the flip side...I went out with mom and dad today. Tried to order something relatively healthy. Calculated that I used about 12 points. I didn't have time to check my guess work and therefore ate a dinner based on the expenditure of my lunch eating. (Todd and I ate out tonight). Well, came home and looked up the site for Gandolfo's (where we ate lunch). Wow...I only at 8.5 points! WOo hooo! That puts me in a much better position!

Worked our really hard this morning! Did step aerobics and then some strength training. My abs are a bit sore now...but, that's a good feeling. :-)

What a way to ruin my appetite!

Ok, I have no desire at all to eat right now! A cat just decided to jump up on my desk....with a dingleberry flapping in the wind. I had to wipe poor Jodi's butt.....ewww! Poor cat. POOR ME!

I've been doing very good this week! I have been able to curb those food desires and channel them into healthy things! I've done really well.

Now, for the bad news. Well, this morning I got on the scales and the pre-ick bloat/water retention is here! I'm not calling this next weigh in a loss (haa haa haa...that would actually mean it would be a gain!) though! I'm still working just as hard to make it a good week at my official weigh in!

Had a weigh watcher bagel today with some of my homemade flavored cream cheese (yummy...and wooo hooo, healthier than the whipped flavors in the store, which are mainly in the full fat version!). The bagel wasn't too bad....it wasn't quite the same as a Panera Bread Bagel...but then what do you expect for the points! :-)

Breakfast: Weight watcher Bagel with ff cream cheese
Lunch: Salad with lite dressing (lettuce, carrots, onions, green peppers, cucumbers, and homemade croutons...which are like a half of point...!!!! oh yes, and my lite laughing cow cheese!), strawberries and some grapes! YUMMY!
For dinner I am planning on trying a new recipe. It sounds good....I'll have to try it though before I pass judgement!

Plan B

Yes, we had to utilize plan b for our day. Plan A was to go to the western section of the C&O canal and bike for a few hours. Well, I woke up and mosied to the bathroom. On the way there I noticed that it was awful dark outside. When I left the bathroom Todd broke the news to me by showing me the weather map on the internet. It wasn't looking good at all! I bit back my disappointment and we packed our gym bags. Yes, we went to the gym and had a nice workout! I'm not going to lie and say that I'm not bummed out that I didn't get to go for the ride that I was looking forward to all week...but I'm happy that I didn't let it ruin my workout plans!

BUT the biggest victory of day. We went to the Mountain Gate restaurant. I got the buffet, which in itself is pretty risky. :-) However, I was able to do very good! VERY good in fact! I felt satisfied and I didn't overeat at all! The only splurge I had was about two small bites of mac-n-cheese. Oh yummm it tasted so good. And ironically, because I only had the two bites, I appreciated it all that much more! I think before I would get a big pile of it...and the first bite or two would be so wonderful that I would keep eating..until I was so stuffed full..that I no longer enjoyed it as much! I totally ignored the bad desserts and opted for fruit and some fat free pudding instead. Quite tasty! :-)

Last night, went into the icecream shop here in town and I saw the receptionist from my weight watchers meeting. She laughed when she saw me! BUT, I knew I only had points for a kiddie fat free yogurt...so that's what I got. A kiddie. AND even though I really wanted the chocolate...that is not fat free. I didn't have the extra point to ante up for it! I actually did slip up momentarily though. I ordered a small size (which is two scoops.....so I asked for a split of peach and strawberry). BUT right as she started dipping it up, I came back to my senses and switched it back to a kiddie size...strawberry! Does that count as a fuit/vegetable serving??? haa haa haa. Ok, I had already eaten all my fruits and veggies for the day. So the thought didn't even cross my mind until right now! And no...I'm not lacking today either.....I ate a big lettucy salad and lots of veggies/fruit for lunch (all veggies except for the low cal/fat salad dressing, the pudding, and those two bites of mac-n-cheese.....oh and one bite of Todd's roasted turkey) It tell you...I did good!

The scales were REALLY friendly this morning! My lowest yet...EVER!

I'm actually feeling quite good! I'm satisfied with what I'm eating. Satisfied on two counts. One, I'm physically satisfied. I'm not hungry and I feel good when I'm done eating. NUmber two, I'm satisfied with how I'm doing. I did jump on the scales the other day....but as I previously stated, I know why. TOOO many carbs. But the number is dropping. Yes I dread the weeks where I show a gain...and I so don't want a gain...I have had too many of those recently while on this stupic plateau! And now that I've had pretty much a month of losses, I want to keep it that way! Crossing my fingers that TOM doesn't get in the way of the scales!

It's actually amazing. I've changed my eating habits so greatly over the last year or so. But, I've never really experienced massive hunger during this journey. I've never been weak from hungry or just ravanous! It is a true testament that this path that I'm taking is one that can be utilized for life, and not just one that will be there while I lose the weight and no longer! I think if I was hungry all the time, then I would be doing something wrong!

While I haven't been bad. I've watched everything and counted everything. However, I've been eating heavier meals that I should. Way more carbs than I should have. And yes, I know that carbs effect my weight loss efforts! I've also used about one or two flex points each day...which also effects my efforts, becasue I don't lose if I use too many flex points! Go figure. It would have to be me that has that terrible thing! The only good fact!

I woke up this morning and just didn't have the energy to exercise. At 5 my legs just felt funny, heavy and not quite achy...but weird! OH well! Todd said he wants to do DDR with me again tonight. The only problem with that....he only does it for 10 minutes and then he's done....and when he leaves my motivation to continue leaves also! AND I need to do more than 10 minutes...I should be doing 40 minutes at least! Last night I was only able to go 10-15 (ok, ten) minutes past when he quit!!! BAD BAD BAD!

Oh well! I've planned out what I'm eating today..I'm trying to stay well under my points! Because I know that after a few days of eating heavily, a low points day (right now I'm planning on leaving at least 4 points leftover...and I may try to leave more!) will help me eradicate the 1-2 pounds that I'm up since TUESDAY!!!!!

A friend made a comment about being obese, "we eat everything in excess, even stuff we don't really like." How true, how true! I think that is one of the battles that I need to win and train myself to win on a regular basis (if possible). Basically, 'if it's not something that tastes really good, don't eat it!'. I've often laughed and felt like I'm a person that is afraid of going hungry. Because I eat and eat and eat....no matter if I like it...or if I'm full. I've never gone hungry, so it can't be something like that. ANd my parents weren't the type to make us eat everything on our plate. So I know it didn't come from something that was ingrained in my head as a child or something. I also know that I'll order big...and keep eating because I have this feeling sometimes of "it's soooo goood, I don't want to waste it!" When I'm lucky enough to recognize what I'm doing, I try to tell myself, "this is not a once in a lifetime meal.....I can make it again, or order it again the next time we come to this restaurant!"

We had some new people at my meeting last night. (oh yes!! HOW could I forget.....I lost 2.4 pounds! That puts me at 50.8 total for weight watchers!!!! AND 110 and some ounces for total!!!) Anyway, something came up about one of the guys at out at a buffet and he had brussel sprouts. The new lady turned up her nose...I laughed becuase I"m in agreement. Well, the weight watcher leader used it as a segue to remind us about the zero point foods. I started laughing......I only like two or three foods off that list! (Sauerkraut, green beans are good. SOMETIMES, I can do raw carrots and broccoli......salads are ok, ONLY if they have lots of dressing and cheese on them...which negates the zero point thing) The newer people were all sitting there with their jaws dropped, because we had just celebrated my 50/110 pound loss (yes, my weight watcher leader celebrates both numbers....although I only get awards for the weight watcher number). I looked at them and said, "I'm a testament to the fact that you don't have to eat only healthy foods, you just have to make better choices and eat less when you make that choice". And that really is what it's about! I KNOW I could eat a donut...but then I'd use up all my points and I wouldn't be able to eat the rest of the day! That's not a good choice for me! (nor a healthy one!) One girl was like, "what about pizza" I answered honestly. I eat pizza. (real restaurant purchased pizza) I just don't do it every other day or even once a week! ANd when I do have pizza, I manage. I laughed and told them that the other week I ate pizza and still lost a pound and a half. One guy jumped in and said, Oh for me it's Chinese. I laughed even harder...becuase the night after we had Pizza, we ate Chinese!

Well, I haven't done too badly this week. I did have a few days where I dipped into my flex points. That always worries me though, because I know that I don't lose as well when I use them. But, so far so good. This morning the scales had me at my lowest weight ever (I reached it once about a week or so ago and then jumped right back up). So, I'm hoping that I stay there! If I do, and the scales at my meeting weigh my pretty close, then i will be at my 50 pound for my meetings mark (110 total).

Yesterday Todd and I went out on our bikes together. Feels good! We did about an hour and went about 10 miles. Today we did about an hour and a half and did 15 miles! So I know that that will help greatly! I also have to do some canning tonight..so I'll be on my feet and moving more than normal tonight! :-) (tomatoes again!)

I was pleasantly surprised. At the beginning of the summer I went through my "not quite there" drawer of clothes! I took out one or two things that i could wear, looked longingly at the other things and then shut the drawer. Well, this summer I haven't really lost. BUt the other day I decided to open the drawer and see what was shakin'. I can now wear about 90% of the stuff that was in the drawer! AMAZING.....I didn't lose that much weight...only about 3 pounds when it's all said and done! BUT, I'm able to wear the stuff! So, at least I'm able to see some progress! :-)

Weigh in

Down 1 1/2 pound! I'm disgusted because according to my home scales, it should have been more! HOWEVER, I'm ok with it! A pound and a half is still a good week! If I can manage that next week, I'll get my 50 pound magnet AND that will put me at 110 pounds lost total! That's pretty darn good!

I remain super motivated! I actually woke up at 5:30 this morning and was out on my bike by 5:50! I rode for about 45 minutes to an hour. Came in, showered, got ready for work and was here by 7:45. I feel good that that is out of the way. I won't be tempted to skip it tonight...or forced to with all the canning that I have to do this afternoon. Yes, I've got a good bit of canning to do this afternoon. So I will be active all afternoon! That's a good thing! :-) Todd goes to work at 8PM...so have to be done in the kitchen by then...and then I'll just relax the rest of the evening! :-)

I ate my cereal for breakfast. For lunch I'll probably have fruit and a sandwich. For dinner we are having chicken (on the grill) corn (yep, I'm doing corn today as one of the things we picked out of the garden) and probably sweet potatoes (grilled).

wow

It really is amazing what you can lose if you put your mind to it. As of yesterday morning according to my home scales, I was down more than 4 pounds! I hit the lowest weight I have seen yet (on my home scales). I'm hoping to hold that number for my weigh in tomorrow. HOWEVER, I forgot to weigh in this morning so I'm a bit nervous about what my weight was today! I'm trying not to stress about it though!

I've been doing quite well with the exercise. I didn't exercise on Saturday....time got away from me and I when I remembered, I realized that I didn't have enough time to do anything before we left the house...and we didn't get back until really late. BUT 5 of the last 6 days isn't a bad track record with exercise! I know for me and my recent track history...i'm going to have to be really really tight with what I'm doing...becuase i know that I can hold together my willpower for about a week...and then it tends to go sour! That is my problem. I get it together one week...do really good and then the next week gain it back! That's not cool!!!

Looking forward to my weigh in tomorrow night. As of last week I was exactly 3 pounds from my 50 pounds. I'm hoping that i can knock that out this week! Then next week get into the 180's! Either way...i'm going to get there!

Another day down. We did eat out and had Chinese tonight. I had Empress CHicken...not the greatest choice...but what I was craving! I had a ton of points though so I should be ok.

I went for my bike ride yesterday after work. I was going to go for one today but it was 102 degrees outside so I decided to skip it. Instead I did Dance Dance Revolution after we got home from dinner. I feel good about that! We are hoping to go for a walk or bike tomorrow morning before it gets really hot out!

Epiphany

Yes, I had an epiphany last night at my weight watcher meeting. It wasn't anything the leader said. It wasn't even anything relating to the topic of last nights meeting. It was from something that one of my friends/fellow weight watcher said while we were waiting for the meeting. Typical of our group of people that attend my meeting, as we all arrive we share the happenings of the previous week and how we did weight wise. The gal that usually sits beside me had maintained and even though she wasn't upset that she maintained (she realizes that anything other than a gain is a success) she was disgusted because she is about one pound away from being at goal! She looked at me and said, "I'm so tired of paying....if I can just get to my goal I won't have to pay anymore." One of the other gals then did make goal last night. i also realized that next week will mark one year of weight watchers meetings. All of a sudden it hit me. I've piddled around these last SIX, yes SIX months. Oh, I've been here half heartedly one week and then throwing caution to the wind the next week. But it's been about six months that I've been only half heartedly following the plan. I've paid for six months of meetings and what did I do with it? I piddled around! Six months.....that is 24 weeks! Using the 2 pounds per week (which is what I had been previously losing on average) that would have put me at 58 pounds! That is a far cry from the 5 pounds that I did lose in reality! Honestly, that makes me want to cry....because 58 pounds is actually even more than I need to lose to be at my weight watchers goal weight........and even more than I need to lose to be at my personal goal weight! I could have been there already if I had focused my attention and energy! I could have been sitting in those meetings for free as a lifetime member!

No more playing around. I'm either in this 100% or not at all! I refuse to waste my time, focus, energy and yes money on something that I'm not 100% behind! AND, I feel rejuvenated and ready to be on the lose weight bandwagon 100%! Hopefully in 6 months I'll be at goal!

Still kicking

It's been a while, but i've not fallen! Not to far at least! I'm still struggling to get in the exercise. I'm happy to say that I have ridden my bike a few times and walked once this week. That's a good thing at least! My weight is about down to my lowest point. So I'm happy about that! Course, it's been three weeks for me to get it there. BUT at least I'm there.

Right now my problem is eating out. I do relatively good at home. BUt when I go out, I just kinda go hogwild! We are probably going to go out to Hoss's tonight. I'm hoping that I can maintain some control. No...not hoping. I'm GOING to maintain control of my eating! :-) Plus, eat really light for lunch so that I have the points for dinner!

I've been able to regain control! PRetty much. I did sneak a bit today...but I don't think it will knock me off target. Now, I will say that I was dropping weight pretty rapidly...but now I'm kinda sitting still again...but that is because TOM is right around the corner (oh joy). BUT anyway, overall I'm pretty proud of myself!

Wowzers!

I did very good yesterday. I'm actually pretty stunned at how much the scales have dropped in the last few days. On Sunday or Monday (not sure which day) they were up at 198.4. I was hoping that a lot of that was water retention, becuase toward the end of alst week I was not at all diligent about drinking my water. So on Monday, even though I wasn't having the greatest day I tried to start getting my water in...and Tuesday also. So yesterday I weighed myself and found myself to be at 195.6. I was tickled....because even though MOnday and Tuesday were not good eating days, I was able to drop some weight (surely water). Yesterday, I did everything eating wise right (no exercise though) SO the your wondering about the scales today? Today, they were at (are you ready?) 193.6 That's like 5 pounds total!!!! And two pounds for yesterday alone!!!! That's pretty amazing. That puts me pretty close to where I was before I started gaining the other week! (before the week of July 4th!) I've got my eating for today planned out (with 6 points unused and unaccounted for...for that snack or whatever that I want tonight! Mostly fruits and veggies for me....good for me, and keeps my points low

I'm back

I've noticed that I've been not as active in my blog. I can see how that has directly correlated with my food journals. I haven't been keeping them up. Either one. I know that when I'm not journalling (either on my blog or in my food journal) that I don't do as well weight wise! I've tried half heartedly to write down my foods...but it just hasn't happened! Last night when I went to bed I just knew that I HAD to do this. I hadn't weighed myself in a few days...and I knew that I was up to 198.4 at my last weighing. All of a sudden, while I was shoving my face full of food, I realized that I could put myself over that 200 pound mark very easily! It scared the livin' out of me! That to me would be beyond awful! So, I awoke this morning KNOWING that I was going to be good. No if's and's or buts. I also told a bunch of people about my problems. Hoping that the accountablity will help! Thus far I've done pretty good. I've got my lunch planned (fruits and veggies) and my dinner planned. SO I'll be well within my points! I KNOW that today is the day that I'm going to turn this around.

Now for the surprising thing. I did my morning weigh in (yes, I try to weigh in daily). I was 195.6! I don't know how...but I'm not going to look a gift horse in the mouth! NOR am I going to do anything do jeopardize that weight! I want to take my weight back down to where it was before I gained that weight at last weeks weigh in! I've decided to not weigh in this week. I'm making it a personal challenge to weigh in next week at either my last weigh in weight (which was 2.4 pounds higher than my lowest) or lower........my biggest wish is that I'm down to my lowest weight again! But I'll be happy with a 'maintain' or better! :-) I was afraid that if I skipped my weigh in this week, that I'd be tempted to be bad again and skip another week! BUT, I know I can't do that....so I made it a personal competition!

No control whatsoever!

I've had no self control whatsoever in the last week or two! Even as I'm eating seemingly out of control (although still better than I would have done a couple years ago), I'm berating myself for doing it. I'm disgusted with myself and I hate it! But I keep doing it. It makes me ill when I think abou it!Every day I say, tomorrow is another day. I start my day with grand plans and then something happens to blow me out of the water and ruin my plans!

I've been very open and honest with some friends and the people in my challenge group. I'm hoping that that will help to keep me 'honest' and on the straight and narrow!

WOW!!!

Wow, the last two weeks have been....uhhhh not that great! I've been besieged with July 4th, then our party at our house a few days later. Then Alan and Cindy were in so I was eating out a LOT with them! (plus the goodies that mom had in the house for them were starring me in the face). THEN Todd and I had some vacation time...in which we did a bit of travelling (day trips). Bombarded! I have gained! I can however claim that I did better than I would have in recent years. I tried to chose healthier options. When I did knowingly chose a bad option, I kept it at a minimum. SO it could have been a whole lot worse!

Meanwhile, all that is behind me. I'm moving forward and I"m going to WIN! I'm determined! I've calculated my breakfast and lunch and I'm on track! Dinner will be a salad.....with a 2 point dressing (maybe three if I put a little extra on it), no cheese or croutons (I will have the points if I so desire the croutons though)......So I'll be well within my range of points...even adding in a serving of fruit tonight! I'll even have a few extra daily points to 'play' with!

Holiday weigh in

Ok, ok ok....I can't really blame it all on the holiday and the ensuing parties! It was me....pure and simple it was me. I just totally lost control! I ate things I shouldn't have! And I paid the price. I gained 2.4 pounds! I know that I can't let that happen! I need to kick myself into full gear and start losing more consitently. I KNOW I can do it! I know that it will take self discipline and will power on my end to do it though!

I thought about my day yesterday and I figured it out. For lunch we ended up going out for fast food. That threw me in a tailspin for a couple of different reasons. One of which is that it's not healthy for me. SO I went and I pondered the menu and chose what I thought would be the best options. As I was eating though, I calculated it all in my head and was sick to calculate that what I was eating was probably about 15 points or more! SOOOOO through the afternoon, I just kinda went wild with the brownies, rolls and icecream (not to mention the dinner that I had at mom's). I thought I screwed up and adopted the attitude of 'well, I messed up, I may as well enjoy the rest of the day also!" What made me even more sick......after I got home, I pulled out my eating out companion guide and looked up my meal. It was only 8 points! I didn't mess up at all! In fact, I did pretty darn good...THERE! How ironic is that?????

The scales at least did show me down a bit today....I don't know how though. I can only assume it is because I worked out yesterday morning and I played with the kids all afternoon long. That's my best guess! I'm still up...but hopefully by tomorrow I can be a bit further down so as not to post like a 3 pound gain! I'd rather not have any gain...but if I'm gonna have a gain I'd like it to be as small as possible!!!!!!

Control? What the heck is that? I say this because I have absolutely NONE! I was trying so hard today. AND I did got until I saw the wonderful bakery rolls....and 4 rolls later...and all I could think about was icecream! (Yes, I had the fat free ice cream also.) OUCH! CONTROL CONTROL CONTROL! I need some control!

MaryFran

Crazy crazy crazy

Funny thing. About a week ago we went out to eat with my parents. The next day my mom told me that my dad had made a comment about me. It was, "MaryFran is looking way to thin....her legs are looking like twigs" My dad has also since then made a few comments to me about having to fattening me up again. He said "we need to put a few pounds on you". CRAZY!

I find that when I'm single mindedly focused on losing weight that I do better. As crazy as that sounds! It scares me though...because I don't want this to be my sole focus for the rest of my life! My only consolation....I know that I have fallen off the bandwagon a good bit in the last few months and I've been able to maintain my weight (within like 5 pounds). That is a good thing! :-)

Todd said that he was worried about me. He is afraid that I'll get to my goal and then want to keep losing. He says that since I don't see the weight loss in myself that he's afraid that I'll be tempted to keep losing until I do see it. And since I don't really see 100+ pounds he's afraid that I won't see the difference with the next 30-40 pounds either. I assured him that I won't be that way! I'm so looking forward to being in that magical range of numbers that I won't do anything to budge outside of those numbers!

Lost .8 pounds last night. I'm pretty happy with that. That marks 3 straight weeks of a loss! I had been doing that lose one week, then gain the next. NEVER more than three weeks straight of a losing in more than 4 months! SO hopefully I've turned the corner! I am on edge though. We have mom's tonight for dinner...picnic stuff for their fireworks.....saturday is our big fourth of july party coordinating with the battlefield fireworks. THEN next week Todd and I are off for some vacation time. LOVELY. Oh yeah, in between....Alan and Cindy are in with the kids! SOOOO it should be two challenging weeks!

New job...new schedule....what the heck?

What the heck? I just can't seem to stop eating! I just want to eat and eat and eat! This is absolutely ridiculous! I know I've gained. I'm hoping that some of it is water retention from TOM! I can only hope! I've got to reign myself in! I'm struggling right now. I just had lunch and I'm fighting the urge to go into the kitchen and get a bite to eat! ARRRGGGHHH!

PLUS, I'm just not exercising like I should! ARRGGHH! I feel like I"m so close (compared to where I was) yet it's soo dang far away!

Weight fluctuation

Ok...weirdly enough, my weight had gone up two pounds again. On Friday it was down. Saturday up, Sunday down and today back up! I'm hoping it follows the trend and that tomorrow, weigh in day is good! I'm trying to make sure I drink enough water today, in case that's it!

Oh well!

Why???

Why oh why did I get a footlong sub at Subway??? Yes, at least I ate one of the 'healthier' options! But a footlong sub! Now I'm hungry...and I squandered all my points on that sub! Ok, at least I had the points to eat it! :-)

Looking good!

I've been doing very good this week I feel! I know, the scales could totally prove me a liar on Tuesday...but I think it's gonna be good! The only thing that could possibly derail me is the fact taht i'm starting a new job on Monday....and I'm not sure how good it would look if I showed up with my 64 ounce mug! I'm thinking about taking a couple bottles of water in my purse. Because the last thing I want to do is dehydrate the day before my weigh in! Or the day of! Oh heck..... But if that happens...then the next week it will all even out! I've exercised pretty much every day. I didn't "exercise" per say yesterday. However, I mowed over at the other place....for FOUR hours straight. Uhhhh remember, I'm mowing with a PUSH MOWER! I walked more than 15,000 steps in those four hours alone! So it wasn't an organized exercise but it was exercise! :-)

Gym

Went to the g ym today. I started with 20 minutes of weight training. Then I did 55 minutes of cardio! Felt good...UNTIL I picked up a blister on my foot. I was aiming for 60 minutes...but the blister thing....ouch! I worked through about 20 minutes of blister...and finally with 5 minutes left I just was at the end of my limits with it! :-) I ate relatively healthy today also. Within my daily points! Even with eating out for lunch I did ok, so I'm happy!

I'm getting excited to wear my new clothes that I got for my new job! Some aren't exactly what I'd wear...but they were the right price! I think that is part of the reason I've made sure to stay totally OP this week. I all of a sudden realized a bit ago that I bought all my new clothes to fit JUST perfect...on the tight side! If I gain ANYTHING...they will be button popping tight! NOT a good thing! So, I need to lose to get them to a comfortable point! BUT, they will last longer that way! :-)

My stomachs been acting weird the last day or two.....really odd! Kinda hurts off and on. Oh well...hopefully whatever it is will pass quickly!

Picture perfect plan!

I've decided that this CHristmas that Todd and I are going to get our pictures taken together. We haven't had it done since our wedding. It's high time . (That will actually be 5 1/2 years!) PLUS...I've lost a lot of weight! If I work really hard, I should be able to be at my goal by then! Oh yeah...I'm taking those pictures and getting the 'christmas cards' to send out to the world announcing the new and improved MaryFran!!!

On top of my game!

I've been doing sooo good this week! I was afraid that I would be sneaking and cheating this week....as it's my last week at the deli. Therefore it's technically my last week to sneak snitches of this food or that food! I've only got one day left and I'm hoping to be strong on it! I've packed my lunch for work...and after breakfast and lunch I'll have 18 points for dinner tonight. Wait...I have grapes for my snack at work...so 17 for dinner. Dinner is actually pretty low points...like 8-10 points! So I'm doing VERY good today! I can splurge for a dessert cup or something tonight! :-) I don't think they are doing anything special for me to commemorate my last day....I'm only going across the street AND everyone knows I'm watching what I eat. But, regardless, I saved some extra points aside!

I've already exercised this morning! Wooo hoooo! 45 minutes! So that's two mornings in a row that I've got up and done it! I feel good about it!

Scales moved down about another pound today! If I can stay on my game, this week should be a GOOD ONE!

Worked out!

I worked out this morning! Woo hooo! No excuses today! Wooo hoooo!

Weigh in success

Lost 3 pounds this week. I'm pretty happy with that! I am trying to bolster my motivation! I need to have a few good weeks in a row to get my weight loss really trucking in the right direction! Motivation...it's crazy. I'm totally motivated. I want to do this....I guess I need to say WILLPOWER!

Just flipped back and read the last entry....uhhhh nope...didn't exercise on Monday! Tuesday is my normal day to not exercise....so it's been two days! TOMORROW!

I was talking at my meeting tonight and I remembered my analogy for cardio exercise versus strength training and I decided to write it down so I'd have it somewhere in case I forget it. Cardio exercise it like a fireplace. You put a log on the fire, it burns bright but will eventually die down. Strength training is like a furnace....you turn it on and it stays hot without dying down! Cardio exercise gets our metabolism burning that fat fast. But an hour or so after the cardio your body stops burning that fat so fast. Strength training builds muscles which continuously burn the muscle...so in essence, once you get the muscles, your body continuously burns that fat!

Just my random thoughts for today! And with that said...I'll plan on doing a step aerobic dvd tomorrow morning!

Didn't do so well today...and shucks, it's the day before my weigh in. That's crap! I've got to beat this game.....I've got to start losing again.

"It's not that bad"

I need to stop saying that. I am a person that weighs myself each and every day. I think it's a good thing for me because I can see how my actions directly effect my weight. HOWEVER, lately I've been snitching and just plain not doing so bad. I weigh myself the next morning and I find myself saying. "Oh, .8 pounds...that's not so bad!" And I'm right...when I have a total splurge day, .8 isn't that bad. HOWEVER...I'm setting myself up for failure becuase any gain is a bad thing...even if it is my splurge day. It's not that bad should only be uttered when I actually maintain! BECAUSE what i'm finding is that it's easy for me to utter 'it's not that bad' 3 or 4...and sometimes more days a week. And if it's only .5 pounds each day that's not so bad....well, if I do that 4 or more times a week, we are talking about a gain of 2 pounds...or more! THAT'S BAD! So yeah, relatively speaking it may not be that bad considering what I may have eaten...but it's bad regardless!

I didn't do too badly today. I messed myself up though. We had a larger breakfast a bit later in the morning. So when lunch came around, I just had a few bites of food.....not good...because then when it came closer to dinner time, I was famished...and I snacked before hand. I counted everything up and I still didn't do too badly...but it could have been better.

Didn't exercise today.....that's a bit problem also. I should have exercised! ARRGGGGHHHHH Ok...no ifs ands or buts...tomorrow without fail!

My last Saturday!

I enjoy the type of work I've been doing, however I'm very glad that I'm in the throes of my last week there! I've been having such a difficult time not nibbling all day at work (gotta love the food and service industry). No, I can't nibble while I'm working...but when it's slow....arrgh, is it ever difficult! So, I have three more days there, then I'll be switching to the bank.......not as much to readily nibble on there! AMEN!

In case it wasn't readily stated...yes, I nibbled today at work! I do it and then I immediately feel guilty. I know it's a boredom thing! Today was totally 100% boredom! Some days it's a social thing...because the gal I work with eats ALL DAY (yes, literally). When we are slow and I've got the boredom thing already going on...having to deal with the social thing is just the death toll! I do however try to bring LOTS of snacks! Of course I had snacks today, the were in the refridgerator and I STILL ate bad stuff! I need to slap my wrists and get control of this!

My goal is to be at my goal weight by my birthday! I'm planning on being to my healthy weight range by the end of October (that's roughtly 30 pounds). That then gives me just about 2 months to get myself to my goal...wherever that may be! Nope...I still don't know where that may end up being!

HUGE, HUGE, HUGE NSV. I've been shopping for clothes for this new job (nope..I had nothing but jeans, jean shorts and a few jean skirts...nothing that was suitable for a bank) I'm now able to shop at pretty much ANY store in the mall! This is HUGE! HUGE! HUGE!!!

ARRGHHHHH

This is going very slowly. I'm just having a difficult time getting myself in gear. I'm gung ho but my willpower really sucks! I did good today, until after dinner when Todd asked if I was going to make mudslides. Instead of saying "no" I made them. Ohh they were yummy! And yes, I had extra points today....as in I had like 8 extra points after I ate....so it's not THAT bad...but still! Last night I ate TWO pieces of pie. One was bad enough...but TWO. The only consolation...I was miserable afterward. Not only emotionally...but physically! My body can't take it anymore! As I was getting and eating that second piece (which was the last one) I was saying to myself. "At least it will be gone now...I'm getting rid of the tempation" Crazy I know!

The weight....uhhhh...well, the 3.8 pounds that I gained....I had lost them again...and I've gained them again! At least I haven't gone over that gain, but this has GOT to stop!!!!!!

We are cooking now!

The scales are finally moving down again! I can't stand when the scales go up so fast it seems and then just creep back down! I'm just about back to were I was the other week! I dont' go to my weigh in this next Tuesday because Todd and I will bein DC to go to the Chicago concert. BUT, That will just force me to be good!

Ok....I've been not soooo bad, but not so good. THe weight is dropping ever so slowly. About a half of pound a day. I've not been doing any organized exercise though. I have however been busy. This morning I mowed (with a push mower) for 1.5 hours. Yesterday morning I mowed (with that same push mower) for 45 minutes....and that was after I had worked organizing stuff and cleaning stuff at the other place for 1.5 hours! So I've been active at least!

I need to kick this weigh in the butt! No...I WILL kick this weight in the butt! I've been good today. I've counted EVERYTHING and watched carefully....and low and behold, I have one point left for the day! Woo hooo! :-) Maybe I'll make some popcorn later tonight. Yeppers, I just checked. 3 cups of air popped popcorn is 1 point. And if I top it with the molly mcbutter stuff (that is no points for 1 tsp) then I'll be able to have a really nice snack this evening! YUMMY

I've given notice at the deli. I think that will help me quite a bit. I've found that I'm cheating more and more at the deli! That I know is having a huge effect on my results at my weigh ins! HUGE! So, by going to the bank, I should be able to remove myself from some of those temptations!

two steps forward.....

Yeppers, I have to end that saying with two steps back! I gained this week. The Red Lobster, strawberry shortcake and the ick have all conspired against me! I'm so disgusted. At least I didn't go back into the 200's! I would probably have cried! 3.8 pounds is bad enough! 3.8! That's HUGE! That's like 2 weeks of loss! ARRGGHH!

I've so got to get ahold of myself and get these scales going and STAY going in the right direction!

Day one of June!

Day one of June. Back in early January, I had set mid year (june) to be my time to be at my goal weight. Lucky for me (note the sarcasm) that I'm still 30 some pounds away from being even in my goal weight target zone. Am I upset....no, am I bummed...yeah! What does this mean for me? Nothing important. It just tells me that it is taking longer than I planned. And it is reminding me that I want to have this 30-40 pounds gone by my birthday.. which is in December.

I went through my old journals and stuff and my plan is to actually go through it and look at it in relation to how much weight I've lost. It want to see how much the exercise thing really plays into it. I may then do a graph putting in my points eaten also! I think it would just be really cool to look and ponder. Meanwhile, I'm going to just try to keep exercising regularly and plug along! I WILL DO THIS!

Last day of May

Wow...where has this month gone? Heck, where has the first part of this year gone?!?!?!? Oh well. This morning, I woke up and did the Basic Step video (one of Cathe Fredrich's)...then I did the first Biggest Loser video segment on toning and sculpting. THEN todd and I went out for a walk. We only made it about 20 minutes....the pollen was so thick that we could actually see it in the air......bad bad stuff. I've been paying the price for it all day...my eyes feel awful!

Came home...made dinner and then we went to the carnival. That was a huge deal. In previous years, we would have eaten at the carnival....bad food (ok, yummy foods...but bad for my 'new' lifestyle). We ate before hand. I knew I had three points...so I got a fruit smoothie...SMALL! (not the kind with milk...just the fruit and ice kind...yummy!!!) I feel very proud of myself for this!

Weird day

I did day one of the fourth week of the couch to 5 k program today. It was tough! This week jumped me to a 5 minute warm up walk...then I jogged for 3 minutes...walked for 90 seconds....jogged for 5 minutes.....walked for 2.5 minutes...jogged for 3 minutes...walked for 90 seconds and ran for 5 minutes. Wow......Last week I jogged 90 seconds..walked 90...jogged 3 and then walked for 3...and then repeated. So this was a HUGE jump. I did it though! Then I went to the other property and worked on the yard...I finished up what I couldn't the other day becuase it had started raining.....push mowing and raking up the piles of grass (yeah, the grass was so high that we made hay) to cart over here to our compost pile!

So your wondering why it was so weird? Well...I nibbled all day! I just couldn't seem to get enough food. I don't know if it was because I was bored (it was a slow day at work) or if it was because I worked with Deb..who nibbles all day (social eating) or if it was simply because I did work myself for like 2 hours this morning? Who knows.

A loss!

Yes, I had a loss tonight. I was a bit worried because my scales show me the same as I was last week! BUT, I lost according to the official weight watchers scale. I loss 1.4 pounds. That puts me at a weight of 195.6 pounds. I'm tickled! I'm Like three pounds from getting my 50 pound star for my weight loss at weight watchers. I've lost a total of about 107 pounds though! Woo hoooo!

I'm gonna do this the whole way. I'm looking at it this way. Each week is a battle. I find out if I won or not at my meeting. Yes, I like to win the battles, because the more battles I win...the closer to winning the war I am. HOWEVER, to win the war, I have to lose some battles! And I WILL win this war!

Worried

Ok, ok, ok, I know that every Monday I'm worried about my weigh in that is coming up. This week has been crazy, the weight just doesn't seem to be coming off. Then this morning it was looking like a maintain. I worked REALLY hard.....as in mowing with a push mower for about 3-4 hours! The problem.....I've been so hungry today! I know it's because I've worked hard and my body has used what I've eaten. I'm just afraid that I've eaten too much and I'll have messed up my weigh in. This weight stuff is enough to kill me! (ok, literally if I don't get it off!)

My muscles have been sore all week long. I've been moving and shaking it I guess. That's a good thing. I was going to work out my arms...but they are really sore now.....I naturally worked out those muscles I guess. I may go in the living room here soon and do a bit of work on my abs though. They don't hurt anymore which means I'm overdue to work them...haa haa haa!!!!!

Oh well...I'm not gonna stress about it. If it happens, it happens. If it doesn't then I'll just redouble my efforts for next week!

Should I?

Should I forgo the scales for the rest of my week. This week the scales are just way too depressing. I seem to be sitting still again....going up a bit and then down a bit! It's absolutely nutty! Yep, I was back up again today! I also didn't have time to exercise...and now that I do have time, I'm whipped!

Todd and I bought a boat today! Just a small fishing vessel....a dinghy I guess you would call it. It was an incredible deal....came with the oars, and the trailer to haul it. Todd's been talking a lot about wanting to get a boat for YEARS! So when this one came up, we just jumped on it. Ok, so you may be wondering why in the world I agreed to a boat? There is a method to my madness. You see, yes, we can get a trolling motor for it BUT I'm thinking about what a wonderful upperbody workout this will be!!!! I'll get rid of those granny swags in no time at all! tee hee hee

Still undecided about the scales.....uhhhhhhhmmmmm

Whew......I was really good yesterday and today the scales moved downward! Whew...what a relief. Seeing them go down also helped keep me on track today. EVEN though we ate at the Waffle House and then went to a diner for lunch. I had 8 points for breakfast.....and for lunch I did green beans and a salad (no cheese or eggs) with a cup of soup, all for 12 points. I went with the salad because I knew that I needed to get in some fruits and/or veggies! The salad was thankfully big, and didn't have the bad stuff on it...so I was able to wrack up some fruit/veggies! Tonight I'm making a pizza on a low cal/high carb tortilla with fat free cheese! So we are talking at the tops 3 points! That actually leaves me 2 points leftover for my fruit! I may do some carrots (raw), greenbeans, or some zero point veggie for good measure. Then tonight later if I so desire I'll have a one point fudge bar!


Now that I have prattled on endlessly about what I ate and will eat today, lets get to the good stuff. Worked out yesterday morning. Did the First Biggest Loser Workout Video....the low impact segment and also the sculpt and tone. This was actually one of my favorite dvd's to do this winter and I actually did this workout pretty regularly. So, imagine my surprise yesterday when I did this dvd for the first time in a few months. I got to work and within an hour or two I could feel my muscles all tight and a bit sore. My abs are sore. It twinges to sneeze or move...my calf muscles are tight...etc etc etc. Anyway, today got up and after breakfast, went to the gym. I was skeptical about it because of yesterday's workout. BUT, you know, I'm due for day two of the couch to 5 k thing. (amazing that I'm not sore from THAT). So into the gym I went....onto that cursed treadmill I got! I did however figure out why the treadmill seems oh so much more difficult. Number one, the wind is not in my face as I run. Number two the scenery doesn't change. BUT most importantly, I push myself ever so much harder on the treadmill. I even do my walking segments at a faster pace! But, I did it!

After my time at the gym today, Todd and I went over to mom and dad's place. Todd tilled up the lawn of their new house while I hauled dirt for them. An hour of hauling dirt...loading the wheelbarrow...pushing it up the hill....emptying the wheelbarrow....smoothing the dirt....pushing the wheelbarrow down the hill.....and then repeating the process. Yes, add another hour to my workout! Woo hooo

Todd and I then went to lunch, hit up and antique store, went grocery shopping, came home and here I am!

The question is......will I drop some more on the scales tomorrow morning????

I'm so frustrated! Last week I was doign really good with my diet and exercise. This week I'm doing the same. Really good...YET, last week the scales just dropped and dropped. THIS week, they are going UP! Go figure! Yes, I'm renewing my focus on this process! I've come way to far to give up. Not htat I've ever thought seriously about giving up. BUT I know that when my focus slips I am at risk of just kinda slipping off the program and putting on weight. I've got 34 pounds until I am considered in my healthy weight bracket. 34 pounds until I am not considered overweight! I'm just moving out of the obese category now..woo hooo. BUT 34 pounds! Sounds like a lot until I realize where I've been and how far I've already come! BUT so I'm frustrated this week! Meanwhile, the couch to 5 K thing is going well. I was out yesterday morning. I'm really amazed that I'm not sore and miserable doing it! I don't wake up and go "yippee, I'm gonna run/jog today" but I don't dread it with all my being. Kinda funny eh?

Results

Well...my home scales showed me at having lost about 5 pounds. The weight watchers oficial weigh in put me at 3.2 pounds down. I'm happy with that. I'll take it! I'm planning on working hard to not gain an ounce of that back!

Went out running today. Day one of week three! Woo hooo! All seems to be going ok with that. I'm amazed at how I'm doing with it!

It should be good!

According to the home scales it should be a good weigh in tonight! Woo hooo!

Nerves after eating

I've been planning out my day food wise. I've been following it pretty closely and eating only what I have the daily points for (I haven't used a single flex point this week...nor have I eaten any of my AP's) But, I've noticed that like after I ate and I'm sitting here in the evening, my mind kinda wonders how I'm doing. I'm nervous about what if I actually gained today? I know that if I follow my points that I won't gain..but it is still there in my head.

So, like I said; I've been planning out my food and following it pretty closely. Tomorrow I have off of work....I'm hoping that I can follow and do ok. I don't know what we are doing for breakfast. I'd prefer to eat at home...however Todd has been pushing to go to Panera Bread for a bagel for breakfast...so we may end up doing that. Then for lunch we are having BLT's (ww bread, etc etc etc) and probably soup...some of my home canned. Then we are going out for dinner. That is what worries me. I don't know what I will be having for dinner adn I don't want to blow it! I've got to be super careful! I can do this!!!!!

Saturday morning and I've got to work

Todd and I are planning on going to the gym this morning to work out. Part of me says to just go jogging on the battlefield...but it would be nice to do some weights...plus I'd get a bigger workout at the gym!

The scales showed me even lower this morning! I need to remain totally vigilant! Becuase I don't want to balloon right up like I did last week! (Realistically it should be easier for me this week. I am working on Monday, so I only have one day off to really watch myself. I usually do very good when I'm at work). Regardless, I'm going to knock this crappy weight right out of my life! So far this week I've been VERY good! Last night conceivably would have been a very heavy dinner. However, I planned out exactly what I was having.....and I ate the rest of the day accordingly. And you know what? I enjoyed dinner all that much more! I didn't go over my points. I used my points though. (No flex points at all). I'm so very proud of myself.

Evening update

I've done pretty well today. I actually have one point left! Woo hooo! I'll probably have a fudge bar later! I've also planned out what I'm eating tomorrow because mom and dad will most likely be eating with us tomorrow evening...hamburgers on the grill. I know that hamburgers will be a bit of a higher points meal...so I've laid out what I'm eating the whole day tomorrow! (Lunch is lots of zero points foods). Right now I've got it so that I will actually have 4 points to spare...oops three because I want a piece of fat free cheese on my burger! But that gives me a little leeway!

Todd asked me to get up in the morning and garden with him. SOOOO I"m planning on setting the alarm for 6AM...getting up on my own, eating my breakfast (toast and jelly...two points thanks to weight watchers bread) and then going on my jog. I'm usually out for about 35 minutes when I'm doign my jog thing. Then I'll come home and be out in the garden by 7AM! That will give me at least two unrestricted hours in the garden....getting me inside by 9AM...and I can then shower and have a few minutes to rest. NOW....depending on when mom and dad are coming to eat, I may need to put together one of the dishes tonight so that Todd can put it in the oven about a half hour before I get home....I would have time tomorrow morning instead of resting, however I'd rather not be rushed! I may actually go ahead and pat out the burgers, slice the onion (etc) tonight also.....all depending on when we eat. If we don't eat until 6, I'd have time for the basic things (just not the one dish that needs an hour and half to bake)

This running thing is quite interesting though. It's amazing. I don't want to do it...but yet when I'm done I feel so awesome! Totally crazy. Knowing that I'll probably have that awesome feeling is what is really helping me to actually get off my butt and do it...especially in the morning when I'd much rather stay in bed! :-)

I guess I could garden tomorrow morning...and run on both Saturday and Sunday instead of doing Friday/Sunday thing! I guess that wouldn't hurt me! I'm just afraid that if I don't do it, I will get off schedule and never do it again! I guess I'll have to see what time I go to bed tonight and how I feel in the morning!

I'm GOING to get this weight off! I'm going to get my weight away from the 200's! I refuse to give up and fail!

Yesterday I did so very good. I used up my points.......yes, every last one of them. HOWEVER, I didn't go over my points at all...I exercised...and I feel good about myself.

whew!

Ok, so last week I did the three days of the couch to 5 k. I jogged for one minute and walked for two minutes. Today I started week two of my 'program'. I upped the ante to jogging for 2 minutes and walking for two minutes. HOWEVER, the last 4 minutes of the 20, I jogged the whole time! We'll see how I feel tonight. haa haa haa But, as of right now, I don't feel too badly!

So, whew.....week tow has begun! It truely is amazing to me. I kinda dread going out...but when I come back....wow, the feeling is utterly amazing! I feel as if I've been washed clean!

I honestly didn't do too badly over the past week. I was maybe one or two points over each day...but heck, that's what flex points are for! There was one day that I did actually go over on my points...but I had the flex points there! Oh why am I one of these people that can't use flex points or else I gain??? Oh well...no use crying about something I can't change! I exercised 6 days. I worked in the garden for a couple hours at least twice. There is no reason that I should have gained. Yet, gain I did. I gained .6 pounds. Doesn't sound like much right? But, put that with the .8 pounds I gained last week....oops there's a pound! PLUS, it puts me over 200 again! That is the worst of it! Losing the onederland thing hurts the most!

My plan for this week. Number one, ABSOLUTELY no flex points used. NOT EVEN ONE! I'm eating straight daily points. Number two, measure out my foods! And number three, EXERCISE! I plan on exercising each morning again. I also want to try to get some exercise in in the evening also...somehow! (I will say though...that the last few months, I've been more active then I have in YEARS! I actually have the energy to move, to get up and do things!)

woo hoooo day two

Day two.....came, conquered! I'll admit, those muscles were talking to me while I was out today! BUT, I did it! AND I felt so good and proud of myself afterwards! I did my 20 minutes....1 jog/2 walk! One more day of that (the plan is to do that on Sunday.....unless we go for a big ride or something like that) and then next week knock it up to 2 jog/2 walk if I can. I know that right now I'm very ready for the jog segments to be done, but they aren't totally killing me!

My weight was down about a half pound this morning! I so want to get myself out of the two hundred range......not this one or two pounds away..that's too close for comfort!

Day 2 will soon be upon me

Rode my bike this morning on the battlefield. The muscles that I used yesterday were screaming in misery. Ok, they weren't that bad...however they were twinging a bit. I do plan on going out tomorrow morning and taking day two of my couch to 5 k. Admittedly, part of me wants to give up and skip it. However another part of me wants that feeling that I had the other day after I finished. I'm planning on getting up early enough to do it.....so I can come home....shower and get to my interview with time to spare. I refuse to use this interview as an excuse not to do day two!

My weight held solid from yesterday to today. Hopefully I drop some for my home weigh in tomorrow. If not, at least by my Tuesday weigh in!!!

Update on how I'm doing

Surprisingly, I'm not that sore....yet (maybe I should wait to write my update tomorrow morning). Oh yeah, every once in a while I move and I'm like, ohhh a little bit of discomfort. BUt nothing earth shattering...nothing lasting...and nothing more than a slight momentary twinge! I did feel a little bit of discomfort in my knees....but otherwise I think the knees will be ok for another go at this couch to 5 k thing on Friday.

Feel pretty good with myself today. I did eat something that I shouldn't have had....arrgghh Willpower willpower where art thou, willpower! But, it could have been worse! I'm determined to get that scale moving downward....and KEEP it moving downward. Not this lose for 1 or 2 weeks and then gain! No more of that stuff!

Weigh in

I had a slight gain at my weigh in last night. I gained .8 pounds. I know that some of that is water retention as it is the 'bad week' of the month for me. The ick is upon me....yuck yuck yuck. But, realistically...I just didn't do that well. I didn't journal like I should have. I just didn't care. The main reason I don't journal....because I've been bad and I just plain don't know how to mark down my food intake!

SOOOO this morning I rolled myself out of bed. Ate my oatmeal. Donned my newly designated running clothes and out I went. I did the first day of my couch to 5 k program. I did modify it. Instead of running for 1 minute and walking for 1.5 minutes. I did a run for 1 minute and walk for 2 minutes. I'm using a kitchen timer....digital thank goodness as my timer and it only does minutes...and doesn't show me seconds so this was easier. Plus, I'm a big girl. I think I'm going to have to take this a bit slower than some. I am totally amazed though at how I'm feeling now. I got back about 40 minutes ago. I feel really good. VERY proud of myself. My knees don't hurt...nor does my foot. Those were the two things that I was pretty worried about. SO far so good! :-)

You don't see many fat runners........could that be because running melts the pounds off of a person? I can only hope!

Golly Gee

Last week the weight just seemed to drop off me...this week I can't give a pound away! What the heck??? Then this morning I had a momentary lapse in my weight watching sanity. Yes, I ate 3 cupcakes. I made them for the thing we are going to tonight. I purposely waited until this morning to make them. So I would have them in the house for a least amount of time possible! I still ate THREE! (they wouldn't fit on the tray that I was getting ready.....so what to do with the ones that don't fit...why of course, you eat them!)

I haven't exercised...I so need to get back into that religiously! I'm very interested in doing the couch to 5K program. I'm not sure that my knees and feet can handle running..but I do think that it is worth a try! You don't see many fat runners, that's for sure! I know running burns mad calories...so heck. I need to print up the plan...and maybe tomorrow morning go out and try!

Movement

The scales are moving downward again! Woo hooo! I erally worked to makes ure that I got in more than 10K steps yesterday! Tonight Todd and I are going to go for a bike ride when I get off work. Then when we come home I'm gonna have ham steaks on the grill. Todd wanted pasta salad. I'm going to forgo that (that's the plan) and have veggies! :-) Woo hooo. I've already entered the ham steak, my lunch items that are in my lunch box and my breakfast. And I will have like 10 points for my veggies and such! So I'll be able to have a dessert something (probably a weight watchers sundae cup)!!!! That's exciting to me!

Tomorrow night Todd and I are planning on having dinner as soon as I get home and then going over to work on the mess some more. Joy joy.

If I can just keep the weight going down, I'll be happy!!!

Crash and Burn!

On monday morning I weighed myself and I was absolutely tickled. My weigh in was looking GOOOOOD for Tuesday. I was down 4 pounds. Yes, FOUR pounds! Things were lookin' good. Todd and I had decided to go biking, so we donned our clothes and went out. We rode for about 2.5 hours and then headed to lunch. Lunch was in the name of Macaroni's. Yep...I ate poorly. THEN that evening I had a country ham sandwhich! (Sodium city). I weighed myself on Tuesday morning....3 pounds up! ArrgghhH! Oh well, at least I had lost 4 and only gained three! And yes, my official weigh in was true to the home weigh in......I lost one pound. I'm tickled that I lost one pound though! I'm just not gonna do anything stupid like that again! (Ok, I'll try not to!)

So, I'm back trying to watch closely to what I'm eating and doing. I didn't exercise today. However I did make sure I got at least 10K steps in today! Point wise I'll be ok also!

I will conquer this!!!

How in the world is this happening?

I woke up yesterday morning and low and hehold, my weight had dropped some??? Go figure! I had my bit of temptation that I gave into on Thursday and my weight still dropped???? Last night after work I went over and worked cleaning out the mess for about 2-3 hours. I came home and made dinner. I had a snack between work and the couple hours of cleaning, but I was really hungry for a 'real' meal. So when I was cooking for our dinner (Todd was working late...thus it was later than normal for us to be eating), I just kept snitching foods.....mainly grated parmesian cheese.....craziness! HOW IN THE WORLD THEN, are the scales showing me lower yet this morning? I just don't understand it. Ohh yes, did I mention that I haven't exercised ONCE this week????? It truly is a mystery!

YUCK!

Even after just posting how good I feel when I'm in control and all that stuff, I blew it today. I woke up and just felt blah. I was short tempered with my husband (the poor guy...guess I'll have to make it up to him later tonight), I felt like just curling up and doing nothing! I didn't give in though. I went to work. My boss was running late, so it was just me at work. Now, in case you don't know...I work at a deli. Lots of food....lots of temptation. I set about getting the deli set up for another day of business and the temptation got the best of me. Yes, the salami was calling my name. I had a slice. I washed my hands and went back to work. It still called out to me. I repeated that process. Oh yes, I repeated the process a few more times! BAD, bad bad! Even while I was doing it I knew that I was blowing my day! I didn't stop! I even thought about how I would feel....the confidence thing would not be there. Did it stop me??? Absolutely not! I don't expect to be perfect...at least not every day. BUT, it still rankles when I mess up!

After work Todd and I went to our property to clean up some more of the mess that was left there by his step father. Nasty dirty mess! We are trying to salvage what we can....sending stuff to goodwill. While also saving some memories of his grandmother and mother (both of whom have passed away in the last year) and whose stuff was there. We got held up there and ended up eating dinner out. We live in the ountry and we had limited time before Todd had clients booked at the studio. So our options were few. It was either Battleview (convience store from hell) or The Red Byrd.....a diner. Yes, we ate at the diner. I didn't do too badly...until you remember that I had ohhhh 8 slices of salami earlier. I should have eaten only zero point items!!!

No use crying over spilled milk! Tomorrow is another day!

I've sents some feelers and applications out for a new job tonight. Hopefully something that I will enjoy and that pays somewhat decently will come my way soon! I'm still very interested in waitressing...it'd be good for activity! :-)

I had a fair day.....I stayed on plan and did pretty good eating wise. I didn't however get any exercise in. I did however walk more than 10K steps today. I so need to get back into the exercise hardcore! I know that it truely is the key to losing consistently...and decent amounts each week. At least I have the food thing down!

I am amazed though at how much my confidence takes a boost when I feel like I have control of my eating. I really have seen a difference in how I feel about myself and how I act. I am proud of myself for conquering this problem. Likewise, when things are not going, I really don't feel too good about myself. I feel like I've let myself down......in essence I guess I have...I've lost control!

I'm back in onederland! I'm so happy to be back! I lost 2.8 pounds this week. We had our normal 'big/comfort' meal tonight after my weigh in...but otherwise, I'm back and ready to roar through another week and lose some more!

Amazing!

It is simply amazing how differently I feel when I am actually doing well and staying OP. I feel proud of myself. I can tell that I hold my head higher, my confidence is totally there! Totally amazing to me.

We rode our bikes this morning. We were out about 2 hours....actually just shy of two hours! It felt so great to be outside and exercising. We had lunch (I did good), came home and we worked out in the garden all afternoon! I'm so tired I can't see straight! I'm only hoping that it pays off for me on the scales tomorrow night!

HUGE NSV

Tonight while out to dinner with my parents, my dad's aunt came in and sat down at the next table to my parents. I hadn't seen her in a while, BUT, during the conversation she actually had to ask who I was. She didn't recognize me with the weight loss! I can't tell you how good I felt!

The other thing.....it actually hit me that I can go pretty much anywhere to shop for clothes! Even though I've never looked at clothes at Sam's club before, I decided to peruse the aisles. Oh my word.....I could actually fit into those clothes!!!!!!! Amazing!

BIG day for me...discoveries and NSV's!

The weekend is finally here!

We ate late last night. I know it's not good, however with Todd's schedule, sometimes I hvae no choice. I do know that because of that, my weight this morning is probably skewed. I weighed myself at 7AM and was 200 even. I laid back down for about an hour or so....got up and showered. As I got out of the shower I decided to weigh myself again....even though I had wet hair (weighed me down a bit wouldn't you think). The hour difference...no food in between.....and I weighed 199 even. SO a pound difference.

I was so tired last night. I ran at work....a lot! We were busy. It was a good thing. I like to be busy, but yesterday, because of the fact that the gal I worked with hasn't been trained yet....means that I did a lions share of the work! Oh well...more running means more activity points earned! Haa haa haa. NOPE, I don't count work movement toward activity points! I came home and thought that I blew my points though...because waiting until 9PM to eat was rough. I knew it would be difficult so when I got home at 5PM I had a light snack. LIke 2 points. Then I got into the Laughing Cow light cheese. ARRGGHHH......and then I had a WW Strawberries and Cream muffin (yummy). That held me off until dinner. (Dinner was chicken and rice...8 points, green beans...0 points, and fruit....1 point) I had mostly fruits and veggies for lunch and my normal oatmeal for breakfast. I had already entered my breakfast and lunch into my journal and kinda just threw caution into the wind with the after work snacks and dinner. After it was done, cleaned up and eaten I came with fear and trepidation to the computer desk. I entered my food. Much to my surprise, I was only 2 points over for the day! Not bad, especially considering I had spent over an hour on my bike that morning and didn't include the AP's in my points. (Not to mention the busy day at work....and the quiz to find out how many points I need a day, I counted my work as 'somewhat sitting with some standing/ 50-50.....well yesterday...and the day before were 100% on my feet moving...which would have netted me an extra point or two if I took the quiz based on my activity at work the last few days......that's not how it works though!)

I'm planning on spending the afternoon with my mom. Todd has clients in, and this is Dad's sunday to work long hours....so we'll do something together. I'm thinking about heading to goodwill (I think they are open on Sundays). I also have to run to sam's and the grocery store. Not for much though...thank heavens! I'm hoping that mom and I can go walking or do something somewhat active. It will help mom out too!

Tomorrow we are planning on going for a nice bike ride up on the western section of the C&O Canal! Woo hoooo....I'm looking forward to it! It really amazed me the other day. The first year I went biking, that first trip of the year...wooooo I couldn't even make it a mile! This year I started with a 5 mile trip....didn't faze me. The next day we did a 7 mile trip...NO problem. Now we are planning a longer trip the third trip! Shows how much the constant exercise does to keep us in shape!

On the bike again!

Oh, it feels heavenly to be on the bike again...outside! Woo hooo! Last night after work Todd and I went out for a small ride. About a half hour ride...just to see how our bodies would handle it and all that. This morning we went out for about an hour. So far so good! HOpefully on Monday we can go somewhere nice to do a nice ride! I'm tickled! This morning was a bit cold, but otherwise a great ride!

I'm down to 198.8...still up from my lowest...but down from my last official weigh in. So, I'm happy and yet wishing I could see more progress! :-)

One more day of work and then I have two days off! Woo hooO! I go in at 11 today instead of 10. :-) (OBviously, as I look at the time on my computer...it is already 10:30!) I need to remember to put on my pedometer. Yesterday at work alone, I walked my 10,000 steps! That is good! :-)

It's working

I was 202.4 at my weigh in! My home scales are very close to the 'official' scales that I use for my weight. So I'm pretty darn tickled that my home scales are showing me at 198.8 today! That's really good. If I can at least hold onto a 198 pound weigh in for next Tuesday's weigh in, I'll be happy! Because it would at least take me within a pound or so of where I was 3 weeks ago! BUT, I'm not going to slack off......I'm gonna work hard at staying OP and try to get exercise and such in my routine this week! It would be REALLY awesome to recoup ALL the weight that I gained these last three weeks! Big goal...yeah, doable...yeah, that would be 4.8 pounds! But lets look at it realistically. I've already dropped 3.6 of them according to my scales here at the house. So that's 1.2 pounds more to go. Today is Friday (early in the day) So that means that I have 4 full days until my weigh in day...and my weigh in is later on Tuesday so I can count that as almost 5 days until my weigh in! I think I can do this!

Last night we were going to go outside and walk or ride bikes. It was overcast though so we didn't. Sadly enough though, I didn't exercise in the morning because I as expecting to do that in the evening. When my evening plans were shot out of the water, I SHOULD have exercised in the house. DId I?? NOPE. So I missed out on exercise yesterday (and consequentially, my weight was the same this morning as it was yesterday morning). We are planning again to work out after I get off work tonight......I'm hoping the plans hold! If not, I HAVE to work out!!! No ifs ands or buts!

The Blame Ultimately Lies with ME!

I can babble on endlessly about how stressful my week was with everything breaking down. Or about how I had no choice with eating out so darn many times. I can also talk about the fact that on my normal weigh in days I eat really lightly...lots of fruits and veggies. That wasn't true of yesterday. I ate at the Waffle House. I ate healthier than I normally would have (I forwent the potatoes). However I still ate a sandwich.....I also ate more during the day then I normally would have. So I think that skewed my results a bit also. However, I know that the blame ultimately lies with me. Other people can get through situations like that just fine without gaining. My willpower was what was lacking...nothing else! I am the one responsible for my actions. Situations and things in my life need to dealt with in positive manners. Not by eating and nibbling and all kinds of stuff like that! That is not healthy. I may be able to eventually make it to my goal weight with that mentality...but I won't be able to keep it off. To keep it off, I need to really learn how to deal with these situations. Easier said than done.

Meanwhile, I had also stopped exercising. Last week i was going to start....did it for two days and then fell by the wayside. So I'm starting again today. I already exercised this morning! One day down! :-)

Sometimes I wonder where my mind is!

Yes, I wonder where in the world my mind is when I'm thinking about food and my choices before and while I'm eating. It is so easy to slip into the old MaryFran and eat what I want with no regard to my new lifestyle, my weight or even how what I'm eating is going to make me feel! Last night I overindulged. No, I didn't eat awfully bad. I had a veggie plate and a side salad at the restaurant we went to. I know your thinking what's the problem. The problem is that I had the salad with the full fat salad dressing (used every last drop that they give). I had my 4 veggies.......sweet potato, baked beans, mashed potatoes and green beans. Ok, so at least the green beans were good...however I'll be the first to admit that they were swimming in grease! Can we say Carb City for my meal???? Oh yeah....3 rolls! Uhhh yeah....that would be three.....3....yes not one, not two but three rolls. WITH butter! OUCH.

I've cooked at home today for lunch.....just a small meal. I have 9 points for dinner! I can do that. I just checked and my dinner is actually 7 points for the dinner...which gives me a point for a piece of fruit with my dinner! AND a point to spare! :-)

I was so determined to get back to the exercise......uhhhhhh I was really good for about 2-3 days.....then it went down the tubes! I'm hoping that it only happened that way because our week was so crazy and wild. (company here for two days.....my brother visitning others.....etc etc etc). I know that exercise plays such and integral part of weight loss for me!

Today is a quiet day for me. Todd's working...and I've got to be somewhat quiet. So I'll be reading or playing on the computer all day. Normally I would be able to watch tv quietly...however last night our sattelite receiver blew up...literally smoking! (it wasn't even on!) So Tv is out until we can get that replaced! Now that I think about it.....this week is also a weeek to have things just break down! The dryer is on the blink (we are waiting for a call from the repair company that the extended warranty people put in a call to...at least this one is covered by the extended warranty). THEN, the screen door.....litterally the hinges broke....first the top and we didn't realize it...and that pulled the bottom ones out of whack...so after church, in the pouring rain we had to try to fix the screen door and ended up removing it. My kitchen sink....it's porcelin (how the heck to do you spell that?) ...and the porcilin literally is falling off! ARRGGHHHH We are going to try to patch it for now.....until we decide what we are going to do...how much longer we are going to live here! Lets see....I think that's it. NOPE....Todd's car is in the garage! It's been rough.

Yeah...speaking of Todd's car. Last Thursday he had my car for the day. SO he dropped me off at work and was supposed to pick me up at 5 when I got off. Well, I know he sometimes gets involved in things so I tried to call him at 4:30 and every 10 minutes thereafter. At 5PM, he still hadn't shown up. So at 5:15 or so, my boss offered to take me home. I accepted....I would have walked the 2 miles but it was rainy. I walked in the door and Todd mentioned how I was late....I asked him, "Did you forget something?" He looked at me blankly and said, "I don't think so". I looked at him and said, "ME"! HE still didn't get it...because he still looked very confused. It wasn't until I actually said, "You have my car...you were supposed to pick me up" That he realized what he did! Nope..I'm not mad...but it sure has been fun to tease him!

Slow slow work

Why in the world does the weight come on so easily...but take so long to be eradicated??? I literally gained 5 pounds for the two days we were in Lancaster....yet it's been more than a week and I haven't dropped those 5 pounds! I have to keep telling myself that it is slow work and I don't want to rush it...I want to do it healthy and the correct way! But it really is food for thought.....oops no pun intended on the 'food' comment!

Last night got to visit with a great friend of mine from my teen years! I hadn't seen this girl in 17 years. That's soooo long! So it was very interesting.

We've eaten out WAY Too much this week! WAY TOO MUCH! It is so much more difficult to lose weight when you are eating out every meal! I'm determined to cook at home most of this coming week! First of all I have the food....second of all it is easier for me to manage food at home!!!!!

Struggling!

I'm so struggling tonight! I'm just plain and simple hungry! I can't stop eating! What to do...what to do? Ok, I know in my head to stay away from the kitchen. But that is so much easier said than done! I need strength!!!!!! Come on willpower! Come on something!

I can deal with the weight gain. HOwever, I'm having some difficulty dealing with the fact that I'm no longer in onederland! Yes...I totally and royally screwed it up! ARRGGHHHH I'm 201! I know it will come off! I'm not concerned. I'm not giving up. I'm not anything...except PO'd at myself! How could I have been stupid enough to let it happen? Anything but losing my foothold in onederland!

I haven't been exercising regularly. I got out of the habit when I had the cold while my brother's family was in town. I never got back in the habit. I'm starting that tomorrow. No ifs ands or buts! I know that is a big part of my success. I have to get all the spokes in this wheel moving in the same direction. Until then, I'm not going anywhere...at least not fast!

I think I can, I think I can!

I set a goal for myself to be at least back under 200 by my official weigh in. That weigh in is tonight. According to my scales this morning...as long as I don't mess it up....I should be under....BARELY under...but under. That is if it holds to the pattern that my home scales weigh me about a half of a pound heavier than the official meeting scales! 200.4 on the home scales! Ahhhhh soo close! But I'm letting this be a lesson to myself. I fought to get under 200.....it was a long hard battle....and after only 2-3 weeks I messed it up! NO WAY...not again!

I've been terrible with exercising. I just plain and simple haven't done it lately! I think I've exercised twice in the last three weeks! That's pitiful! While we were travelling I did at least walk a good bit....but it's just not the same! I need to make that a focus...getting back in the exercise routine! As much as I dread doing it.....it needs to be done! For me, starting the exercise routine is the worst. Once I get back in it...then I don't mind it...but the first few times, I just dread the sore legs...sore arms.....and general tiredness!

Well...it's back to work for me today. My vacation is over...boo hooo!

Results of a vacation and family visit!

Yes, the unofficial results are in. I've gained.....I've uhhh gained a fair amount. Uhhhh I'm no longer in onederland! I'm pretty bummed about it. I never wanted to see that 2 as my first number in my weight again. NEVER. ANd here I am just a few weeks later back in twooterville! ARGHHHH! I'm determined to get rid of it as quickly as possible....... nothing drastic or unhealthy of course! I'm hoping to at least hold onto onederland for my official weigh in. I'm not that far off of onederland so it is possible! I"m hoping that a lot of it is water retention....from not drinking enough and from more salty food! I can hope eh? I actually feel that I didn't eat too poorly. Yes, I did have my much coveted and dreamed about piece of Shoo Fly Pie...but I ate complete veggie meals. I ate fruit cups for breakfast...etc etc etc! Soooo that is where I stand.

It has showed me that I really don't have total control over my food yet! I've still got a long ways to go in my mental journey to losing weight!

Satisfied

I'm sitting here satisfied in more than one way. We ate dinner and I'm physically satisfied from what I ate (it's my splurge night.......after my weigh in). BUt I'm also satisfied with my weigh in results. I actually gained .4 pounds. Yes, I'm satisfied with a half pound gain. We travelled......I made better choices that I previously would have...however I do know that I made some more poor choices! My aim was to actually maintain. I didn't quite do that...but close enough that I can kinda consider it a maintain.

We are going away again on Thursday.....this time to Lancaster CO, PA. I'm nervous about that also. But I'm determined to do it!

hanging on

I'm hanging on. I actually think I've dropped on the scales this week thus far. I'm a bit concerned though because Todd and I are going to be doing a slight bit of travelling on Sunday and Monday. Then we are home for like two days and then we will be away for three more days. I'm hoping to hold onto my weight loss that I'm seeing for this week! But I'll admit...I'll be happy to come out of these next two weigh in's with a maintain! I'm going for a loss though! :-)

Meanwhile, I think things in my life are settling down a bit.....other than my quest for a different job. I'm still keeping that on a back burner...but everything else seems to be falling into place.

The other week when I hit onederland I dropped a point. It's actually pretty funny. I really don't miss that point. I've been able to manage without it just fine. Crazy eh?

Sometimes its the snail that wins!

Yes, I posted a loss this week. It was only a .6 loss....but a loss nonethe less! Meanwhile, I'm not able to exercise because I'm all congested and can barely breath under the best of conditions let alone while exercising! I have been eating pretty healthily during the last few days though! :-)

My week

Things have been going ok for me. I've had a few heavy meals here and there...but I've really watched what else I've eaten on those days and miraculously my weight is remaining pretty stable. One day I was up about 2 pounds...but I really do feel that it was water retention! I'm hoping for at least a small loss this week. Yeah, I'd like another 2 pound loss or so. But I'll be happy with a maintain or small loss! Just no gain! Ok, I'll not be happy with a small one...but I'll be ok with it!

I am really trying to keep myself fresh with this program and not slip into the 'same old same old' again. Because it's when I'm in that stage that I stop losing! I don't want to hex myself but I think my bad months of one week gain, one week lose back and forth may be past me. I've had two weeks of steady losses. That's another reason i'm hoping for a nice loss again!

Meanwhile, I haven't exercised yet today. That is bad. I know that Todd is working until about 6 and then he wants to go out to dinner. So we won't be getting home until like 8 or so. I have to do laundry then. (which I can do while exercising I'm sure). But once it gets to a certain time...I struggle with exercising! I'm going to perservere though!

WOO HOOOO

Finally, a journal entry that I'm just tickled about writing....I just can't wait to share my news! Let's see if you can guess. onederland, onederland, onederland, onederland, onederland, onederland, onederland, onederland, onederland, onederland, onederland, onederland, onederland, onederland, onederland, onederland, onederland, onederland, onederland, onederland, onederland, onederland, onederland, onederland, onederland, onederland, onederland, onederland, onederland, onederland, onederland, onederland, onederland, onederland, onederland, onederland!

Nope...I didn't gain weight....I lost 2.2 pounds....which puts me solidly into onederland! 198.2 pounds! I'm so stoked! Scared to death to mess it up and gain...but stoked!

I went in for an 'interview' at a place that I interviewed at a month ago (used bookstore). They had offered me a job then...but I couldn't work for what they offered...and they only offered part time. Well, they came back to day and didn't do an interview like they had said...they offered me the job right off the bat. I'm panicked though.......it's only 1 dollar more an hour....and will add 40 minutes of travel time daily....which will equal to roughly a tank of gas a week. SO after I pay the extra gas money...I"m only talking about $20 a week. The one good thing.....I would have access to their health insurance....after a time. OHhhhhhh I can't stand decisions like this! STRESSSSSSSSSSS I'm going to try to fight off the eating urges!

Back to my Roots!

I’ve noticed in myself that things are starting to get more stale. It’s getting more difficult to follow the program and stay OP. It has made me think about this deeply and something that my favorite weight watcher leader talks about all the time is that when things get stale and routine that you should simply start over. It made me think of how I was at the beginning……….

“I had listened intently to the getting started meeting that the leader led. Now I was eager to get home to read through the materials that I had been given. I burst into the house, dropped my purse on the table and dropped onto the couch with my books and purchases in my hand. With only a short hello to my husband I started reading. “I can do this” I said to myself as I read through the instructions regarding the weight watchers program. The further I read, the more excited I became. This plan was going to work for me. I just knew it. There was a lightness in my heart and a pep to my step (as much as is possible for a morbidly obese person) as I went to my desk and wrote the first date into the three month journal. I constantly read the books those first weeks…reviewing the information and cementing it in my head. I carried my material with me everywhere I went so I wouldn’t be caught off guard. At each weigh in I was tickled to death at the weight I was losing. I was anal about my journaling. Every BLT (bite, lick and taste) went into the journal…heck I was so into it that I probably even put in every sniff of food that I had! . Before I ate anything, I knew exactly how many points it was and how long I would have to work out to negate what I was eating. I was a machine and I was losing! I lost steadily for months. I was looking better and feeling better than I had in ages! I was still excited about the program”
The problem is I lost that excitement somewhere a few months back. I’m still super motivated…..but I stopped being so religious about writing down exactly what I ate, sometimes even fudging the books a bit (ie well, it was SMALL…so I’m sure it was only one point versus two for a normal size portion). The weight loss slowed down drastically also! Looking back and trying to fix my problems so that I can continue to lose weight (and get past this 200 pound mark…that I’ve been trying to break for it seems ages) I realize that I need to go back to the beginning. Make the program fresh and new. Get excited about it again.

I plan on continuing withe my exercise plan. That is basically to exercise 6 days a week...varied things each day. I also want to spend some more time online reading about others (journals) who are on the same journey that I'm on. I want to read success stories....and see success pictures. I need to read my books and my materials front to back again. In fact, I may need to buy the new books...just to have them. New books would be fresh....especially since the books are different now! I'll have to see if I have the money to do that though!

weigh in results

Ok, I should just copy and paste my email from a few weeks ago! I lost nicely...2 pounds...and that put me at 200.4 pounds! Not quite close enough...but a loss nonethe less! Happy on one hand....sad on the other! REALLY afraid that I'll screw things up and gain again...or NOT make it to onederland next week! ARRGGHHH!

I've gotta do this! It will be difficult though. The ick (TOM) will be hitting sometime this week...and honestly I'm just wanting to eat eat eat right now. I could go into the kitchen and make another meal and eat it all! Part of my problem....I saw some cheese in the refridge while making dinner...and had some.... 3 points down the drain for something that wsn't that overly filling. Yummy, yes it was...but filling...no! Otherwise I would have been just fine and dandy with points..and I would have been able to have popcorn or some snack! But noooooo I had to have cheese and use my points. And I'm so afraid that I'll mess up and gain this week that I'm almost afraid to eat! Zero point items...hmmmmmm nope...I can't hack sauerkraut at 8:30 pm....nope...nor green beans...or carrots....hmmmm no zero point foods sound good right now. Ok, if I had my choice.....hmmmm this is hard, I've just sat here for a minute or two trying to think of what I'm actually hungry for...what I would want to eat if i could have anything.....uhhhhmmm. Wow...you know, maybe this is just boredom and lonliness speaking in me telling me to eat! I can think of things that I would eat if i gave myself the go ahead...but to actually say I'm hungry for them...nope. Hmmmmmm now isnt' that food for thought?

Baby steps!

Well...the scales are slowly inching down this week. I like it this way. Sometimes when you get on the scales every day and there is not movement...no matter what you are doing it gets a bit disconcerting. This week however, each day I can see a little improvement in what the scales are saying. Yeah, I'd love for there to be a huge drop...but in my experience, those huge drops sometimes don't stay that way....the little inching stuff usually stays off!

I've been trying to watch very closely to what I'm eating. We are going out to Corsi's tonight...and i'm planning a low point lunch for me. I am saving many more points than I actually need for dinner...because I don't want to blow it anywhere. I'm also trying to watch my points more closely because I'm still not up to par with my exercising...what with my foot and all. So really my weight loss this week will mostly be attributed to straight up healthy eating! I know that 2.4 would be almost a miracle for me to lose this week... ( of course, this morning I was 201.0). I would be tickled to get into onederland. However, I'm not going to be disappointed if I don't get there. AND I'm not going back up if I don't. I've gotten back on the bandwagon...renewed my thoughts and processes. I'm being more anal about journalling EVERYTHING that I eat! I was getting lazy and journalling only ALMOST everything. That is not going to get me anywhere in this journey! Total honesty is the only thing that will help/allow me to reach my goal! I'm so close. My target weight range for weight watchers is 151-158 pounds. So we are talking 43 pounds until I'm within my weight range! That is SOOO doable! I mean...heck, I've done about that since I started weight watchers alone!!!!! Not to mention all that I lost before weight watchers! I've been saying 50 more to go...but 43 sounds oh so much more closer!!!

Report of a 2 point evening

Well.....I had planned my two point evening out. I planned on having green beans (zero points). sauerkrout (zero points), cooked carrots (one point), pears (1 point) and I originally was going to do a two point sandwich (weight watcher bread, smart beat butter, and a teaspoon of jelly). But, todd wanted garlic bread..so I did a three point piece of garlic bread instead. Thus, my dinner consisted of 5 points. Not too bad. (I had already planned to forego what Todd was eating...steak and baked potato....I just don't like that meal...so it worked out well). We ate early.....so late that night I made popcorn....with a little cheese and smartbeat spray butter....three points. I was very satisfied....and I was only six points over for the whole day. That means that I've only used 8 flex points for the whole week! Now...I did exercise that forty-five minutes, mid-high intensity and earned those four aps....so I know that technically I probably only used 2 flex points....but I'm just gonna count 6...because I didn't measuer the parm cheese that I put on the popcorn!

The scales were not adversly effected today...so for that I am happy. Knowing that though...I know that I hvae to be VERY good today. I think having one little day where you mess up is bad....but doesn't affect the weigh loss. But if you string more than one day like that together...eii yiii yiii

Report pf a 2 point evening

Well.....I had planned my two point evening out. I planned on having green beans (zero points). sauerkrout (zero points), cooked carrots (one point), pears (1 point) and I originally was going to do a two point sandwich (weight watcher bread, smart beat butter, and a teaspoon of jelly). But, todd wanted garlic bread..so I did a three point piece of garlic bread instead. Thus, my dinner consisted of 5 points. Not too bad. (I had already planned to forego what Todd was eating...steak and baked potato....I just don't like that meal...so it worked out well). We ate early.....so late that night I made popcorn....with a little cheese and smartbeat spray butter....three points. I was very satisfied....and I was only six points over for the whole day. That means that I've only used 8 flex points for the whole week! Now...I did exercise that forty-five minutes, mid-high intensity and earned those four aps....so I know that technically I probably only used 2 flex points....but I'm just gonna count 6...because I didn't measuer the parm cheese that I put on the popcorn!

The scales were not adversly effected today...so for that I am happy. Knowing that though...I know that I hvae to be VERY good today. I think having one little day where you mess up is bad....but doesn't affect the weigh loss. But if you string more than one day like that together...eii yiii yiii

Did it...done it!

I did it today with eating. I stopped at Blimpies on the way home today (todd couldn't go with me this morning ...so I said I'd grab lunch on the way home). Well, I THOUGHT about calling him to have him look in the book so I could get something other than my normal sandwich. Of course I know the points for the good old normal sandwich. Well, I didn't....I decided to go with a wrap...I mean, wouldn't you think a wrap would be better than a sub??? Came home...ate it up...and then checked the points. Yep....15 points! Oh yeah....I had a little 1 oz bag of cashews...for 4 points. I was still hungry after my 19 point lunch...so I had a 100 cal pack that was 2 points! Thus taking lunch to a whopping 21 points! Breakfast was oatmeal...3 points. So I have an earthshattering 2 points left for dinner! Wow....

So, that isn't bad enough. I tried to at least compensate for my stupidity error. So I started exercising.....about 45 minutes into it (thank heavens I at least got 45 min in) I actually fell off the step while doing step aerobics.....yeah, my foot isn't doing too good right now. It's not broken....and it's not swelling too badly...so hopefully it won't take long to heal! BUT, what's up with me and weird injuries. Last week it was a cyst that was all weird....the weekend was my shoulderblade (ok, the muscle)...now this?? I can't say that I've been exercising too much...because I've been doing very poorly with exercise lately! Arrgghhhh

A wow moment

I was writing an email to a friend and we were discussing a little pig out session that she had had in terms to eating..... I responded with.

"I'm not surprised about the mini-pig out session. Your stress levels...with crazy flako and with Kaid being sick they've got to be sky high! The good thing (ok, you know me....gotta find the good in something) is that you were able to look back and recognize what caused you to eat....you are looking at it objectivly and honestly. AND you didn't let it get you down! Knowing that.....when you start to boil mad over "flako" or start to worry more about Kaid (continue to worry I should say) then you can look at your experience with the eating and hopefully resist! I know for me, SOMETIMES it helps if I put into thoughts exactly how long...or how much...or at what intensity I would need to exercise to actually break even on something that I'm eating. Wow...that was just a light bulb for me. I was doign that in early fall....in my mind calculating every thing I ate into how much exercise would be required to cause it to wash out. I've been trying to figure out what in the world has been different. You see...until about Thanksgiving I was having pretty steady weight loss. After thanksgiving....it's been this seesaw weight loss/gain thing. I've said that I don't think it's a plateau...but something has altered....maybe that is. Because I know when I was playing that trick in my mind....I was better able to resist eating because I don't like to exercise....."

That was Truely a light bulb moment for me. Maybe that is what has changed! I am going to try to really think that way!

Meanwhile...I think the scales are starting to move downward again! Woo hooo