A New Doctor

 ​I actually for the first time ever was a bit excited and ready to go to the doctor.   Yes, I hate to go to the doctor!  But I was looking forward to it and ready.

I was trying out a new doctor.  Technically, I was trying out a nurse practitioner.   The office was quite laid back with everyone wearing shorts and jeans.   Was that because it was Friday?  Was it in deference to the upcoming holiday?  Or was that the normal dress code.  I’m unsure.  But who cares what people are wearing, I’m there for the knowledge in their heads.   The NP was a bit older than I, and she had pink hair.  Once again, a Halloween thing or a normal thing? Not sure.

This office was also appalled that I had been told by a previous doctor, to ignore the acid reflux since it was a ‘silent’ and none severe case.  We have adjusted my meds to a ‘long term’ medication.   However, the NP is very aware that I do not plan on being on meds all my life…and that my goal is to manage this naturally and she is behind that goal   I knew that meds were going to be a thing for the near future so I didn’t fuss.    I know we have to figure out exactly what is happening and need it under control in the meantime.

She has ordered a barium swallow test of some sort (I have it on my paperwork in the other room) to start to try to figure out exactly what is happening.  What is causing my cough and throat clearing after I eat.  (And of course whatever that is ultimately caused the flare up that landed me in the ER).  That test may solve that mystery.  However, she predicts that it will simply be the guidance needed for the follow up tests that will be ordered by the gastroenterologist that she is recommending that I visit.  The other reason for the referral is the fact that she wants me to see a specialist since this acid reflux has been left unchecked and we need to see if it has caused any damage.  

We talked about my cholesterol (it was slightly high at 215), my blood pressure (always high at the doctor, but always normal at home checks) and   we talked about the calcium spot on my lung (that was discovered when I had X-rays  after my accident on the bike a few years back.). Unlike my previous doctor, she scoured the paperwork and information provided by that urgent care facility and radiologist and she picked up on a wee little line about some degeneration of my spine and added that to my clinical notes.  We talked about my weight and how I feel as if I am beating my head against the wall in a futile effort to lose weight.     All of these things will be addressed in the future.  When I brought up my weight (she was not the one that brought it up…I did) she readily admitted that most of my issues would be eradicated with weight loss.   I know that historically when I drop the weight my cholesterol drops, my blood pressure regulated, my arthritic knees feel better.   And weight loss would also help this acid reflux thing.

I just had chest X-rays at the hospital the other week so the spot on the lung is a simple thing of comparing the X-rays to make sure the spot didn’t grow (which would indicate some unchecked infection in my body). So that will be an easy check once she has my records and X-rays from both places.

However, we are not working on my weight together right now.  Of course she wants me to continue trying.  But at this time our one and only focus through doctor visits is the acid reflux/GERD.  Mainly because of the long term damage it can be doing to my body.   She doesn’t want to introduce any new meds or greatly different routines to my body at this time…not until we get a handle on the reflux.

She did recommend adding fish oil..for the cholesterol…to try to combat it naturally.  She also recommended that along with my daily protonix pill for the acid reflux that I add in an allergy pill.  (Zyrtec, Allegra, Claritin) since my acid reflux really doesn’t seem to be all day..and only after meals…certain meals.  She said my acid reflux may be caused by an allergy.  

So I am heading down a path of tests to solve the mysteries.  Medicated for the time being, but with the blessing of the doctor heading toward a more natural solution!

Weight loss….I’m still going full steam ahead with trying to lose weight.   I restarted my exercise today!   

Mental battles

A large part of this journey to health is mental. Or maybe I’m just a basket case...hahaha!  No,  it’s definitely a mental game. In the last three weeks I’ve had at least three mental battles that I can quickly and easily remember. I’d like to say I won the battle for all of them but alas, that’s not the case.

The first mental battle came after I broke the no sweet treat fast  The two weeks of restriction set me back in that healthy relationship that I was building with food.  I all of a sudden  was back to wanting the sweet treats  all the time...because I hadn’t had them. Sure, I knew that I could have them again and that I was not doing the restriction thing anymore. But holy moly try to convince my mind of that fact! It really has been a battle in my mind to try to remind myself that sweet treats are not forbidden, nor are they something that I need to eat like there’s no tomorrow… Because if I want I can have them again tomorrow. So, yes I did dive headfirst into bad food for those first couple days and that is a definite failure. Well, we’ll call it a half failure… I learned something very valuable about myself. What is that? Restrictions only makes me want it more! (absence makes the heart grow finder… Maybe not fonder in the case of food but it certainly does make the desire for it grow more intense).

Last Monday I went to see the doctor . The doctor was very happy with my blood work and worked with me to set a goal for weight loss. OK, in reality she did not work with me she just told me what she wanted me to lose in the next year. My year goal is 10 to 20 pounds. (I’m sure the lower number has something to do with the fact that I told her my slow, learn to live and just be healthier plan where I restrict nothing, which she liked and approved of.) But seriously 10 pounds? That’s not much for a year long effort. And here is where my mind started playing tricks with me again. So… 10 to 20 pounds… If I maintain for 10 months I only have to lose weight for two months of the year. My mind started to scream at me… I call these voices my “mini me”, and they were saying take a break, you got a whole year to lose a measly little 10 pounds and  don’t  bother counting calories this week...don’t bother next week either… start next month… Better yet start after your vacation in October. Yes, my mini me is very distracting and determined to derail me!   I know that listening to those voices is not the best option and plan for me… At all. But the thought was really hard to get out of my head. It’s been a mental battle.

Last but not least, Friday lunch. It was cool outside on my first break when I walked. It looked like it was going to rain any second. And I started to think about taking just one more day away from walking and eating my healthy lunch to grab and instead grab food from the cafeteria. I went back and forth for two hours and 15 minutes until my lunch break. One minute I was going to go to the cafeteria. The next minute I was determined to stand strong. The battle was fierce in my head. I looked at my calorie counter (MyFitnessPal) and I pondered. I did come up with an alternative little ground. I walked. I did eat my healthy lunch. And I allowed myself to buy a few pieces of Reese’s pieces. So it wasn’t a total victory but it wasn’t a total failure. The battles in my mind

The battles in my mind are the worst deterrent to lose weight. I wish there was a nice way to stop those voices that tell me to go ahead and eat, or to skip my walk. But they’re not easy to eradicate.  Will power, will power, will power.

By Request

This Wednesday post is going to be some requested information, some updates and maybe one or two random thoughts.   The requested info is pictures of my dollhouse.  The updates are the results of my doctors appointment and the aftermath of the no sweets two weeks.

Doctors appointment 

My doctors appointment went well.  This appointment was to get appeal paperwork  signed  so that my health insurance cost is manageable!  I wasn’t eligible for the ‘non-obese’ discount without the paperwork signed by my doctor.  She did sign it.  I will have an answer in a few weeks..so I’m still on pins waiting to get approved for my appeal.   But back to the visit.   I  told her exactly what had happened when my father died   (I dove headfirst into unhealthy eating and gained a fair amount of weight in a very short period of time).  I told her honestly that I was working on it..and was almost back to the weight that I was at before my fathers death.   I was very open about my accountability plans (friends that I email...this site...challenges that I am part of) and I told her about my daily tracking and weigh ins.  I also told her my current belief that I want to take this really slow...and restrict nothing...even if it takes me longer to lose because I do randomly eat some cake...or funnel cake at a fair..   I also admitted that the day before I went to the fair and indulged in some funnel cake....and that I wanted more but I had said only ONE  indulgence at the fair and how I was so careful about my decision...circling all the food venders before making my choice!   She was happy with that attitude.  She was in total agreement with everything.   She signed the paperwork, set a goal of 10-20 pounds...in the next YEAR....and told me that since my recent blood work (I took the results of my work health screening blood work) was all good that I could just skip my yearly physical and just come in in about 9 months (instead of November when I was due for my annual physical).   So a really good report!

Sweet treats

After my two weeks of disallowing the sweet treats...I have struggled to find the balance again.   Not having them made me want them all the time!!! So I have indulged EVERY night since allowing them again.  My mind went back to the ‘it’s not allowed so I better gobble up everything I can’ mentality.     I am working on getting back to the point of saying ‘I don’t need them...I can have them anytime...but I don’t need them all the time!!!  Basically I need to regain my foothold on the healthy relationship that I was building with food.

Dollhouse

I have been spending a lot of time on my dollhouse.  So by request, here are some updates pictures!   The kitchen and bathroom are mostly done...the bathroom can be seen on my dollhouse blog.  Wow, I just glanced at those pictures and they need to be updated too...I finally got the trim up in the corners and around the ceiling!  The blog does have some posts about the kitchen but there are no completed pictures (as far as it is currently completed) on there...yeah I need to fix that also!   I didn’t take new pics of those rooms because they are kinda ‘construction zone’ looking right now as I do major work on the other rooms...not to mention I’ve been sanding floors so it’s really dusty.  I’ll update the pictures soon though.    So for now I’ll talk about the rooms  I’ve been working on one at a time

Master bedroom

It is papered (trim is not up) and the flooring hasbeen laid and sanded.   I’m waiting to get the other floors completed before I stain...I’ll do all the hardwood floors at the same time to get a consistent color!  The little turret room is still a question.  (the little room on the right of the pictures). It’s too small to carry off a cradle....or the desk I have.  I thought about bookshelves along  the walls...but I’m just not sure. Lots of small touches to add for this room! Such as bedding, throw rugs and those little touches that make it look ‘real’ and lived in.

Hallway

The hallway is papered and the floor is laid and sanded.   (Pardon the messy bathroom off to the right..some of the items have fallen off the shelves and is laying on the floor!)

Nursery

The floor is laid but not yet sanded (you can see the difference between that floor and the hall floor in the picture) the wallpaper is up but needs some work as it didn’t adhere well and started to come loose (by the window). The rocking chair is painted and the crib has been constructed/made and needs to be sanded and painted....white also.   I need a dresser...bedding, curtains....and all the fun little things for the nursery!

Living room

Lots of painting has been done.  The wall behind the steps will be papered to match the hallway upstairs...(which is why the corner paint is not crisp and clean lines).  Flooring will occur soon...and the fireplace needs sealed and the stones weathered to look used.  I have no idea on the furniture in here yet....I do have a radio cabinet that will work in this 1950’s themed house.

I have lots of projects in my head...so many ideas...so little time (and money)!  But that’s the fun of dollhouses!!!

So life marches on.  I’m still here working on my weight...working to find the balance between living life and being healthy.  I’m still working on the dollhouse.   I’m still holding on.   But right now...off to work I go!!!