I Am Proud

 

A few days ago, I posted about the cost of obesity and the emotional trauma that happens with one is obese.   Let me tell you, I had some eye-opening moments while we were on vacation. I may be shamed about how far I have allowed my weight to spiral.  I may be ashamed about how far my fitness levels have slipped, but I am proud of myself Even as I struggled over vacation with certain aspects of life as an obese person, I found reasons to be proud of myself.

 

** I am proud because I didn’t give up once, I am proud to say that while I was sore DURING the activities, I didn’t let it stop me and kept going through the aches and pains.

** I am proud because that  while I was so sore in the evenings, I never once contemplated taking a day off and ‘resting’.   Sure, I was so stiff as I walked that it looked like I was pirate with two peg legs, but I didn’t let up.  (Hey, I even have a bird so I really could have played the role of a pirate!)

 

**I am proud that I didn’t let my fears and insecurities at the Crystal Grottos turn me away from going on that tour.

**I am proud that I was able to manage the whole week (11 days actually) and kept my weight in the same 1-2 pound range.

**I am proud of myself for taking steps to ensure that vacation behaviors not carry into regular life.

 

I know that the simple answer to the emotional cost of obesity is to lose weight.  That solution couldn’t be more clear.  Lose the weight and those emotions, thoughts and behaviors will be eradicated.  Simple right?  The problem is that losing weight isn’t easy.  Losing weight isn’t fast.   And I’ve had a LOT of years of emotional upheaval due to my weight.  Working through these self destructive emotions are just as important as eating healthy and getting fit.  That is my goal.  Not just heal my obesity and fitness, but also the emotional damage.    So, lets get this show on the road!

Dramatic End to Vacation

​All good things must come to an end…and vacation is one of them.  We had a fabulous vacation.  It was much needed.   It was productive.  It was too short.  And sadly, it ended on a bad note.

Vacation

In my last post I shared the news (and before pictures) that we were on a staycation and that we were going to be spending a bulk of our time painting our barn with some outdoor hikes thrown in for good measure.    As the aforementioned post indicated, we were off to a good start with painting and a day at a lake in the Micheaux State Forest.  

I am happy to say that the painting is done!  (Well it is done as far as we planned to be done).   The shed looks so nice all freshly painted!

We look like we care now!!! 

We also did get up to Cowans Gap (a PA state park).  It was crazy seeing it with the water in the lake let down (basically the lake with no water).  Just for reference…we had been up there in February with Zoey when she was about 4 months old.  (Why the pictures never made it to a post back then is beyond me).  Here is what the lake SHOULD look like.  

But the water has been let down in order for them to work on the dam and to reclaim the sand from the beach.  It looks so different (sorry no pictures from the same spot as Zoey still wouldn’t go across the grate bridge at the dam and while we carried her the last visit she was only 40 pounds). But you can see the difference with these pictures!

What a difference!  We had a good time though!   And we wore Zoey out!  

The vacation time went way too fast and before we knew it we were heading into our last day of vacation!  It was the last day when things turned around!

Drama and Pain

The last morning we were awaken by a sick dog.   Yeah, nothing like being awoke from a blowout…oh my, the smell!   It happened once or twice more…and you could tell it hit and she just didn’t have the time to alert us that she needed to go out.  She was miserable.   I felt so bad.  But as the day progressed she seemed to perk up and by mo day she seemed back to normal.   But due to that I spent my morning scrubbing out her crate…and the cleaning some carpets.  (The joys of having a pet).  I didn’t eat breakfast because I honestly just forgot in the craziness.  

I was in the shower when I first felt the pain.  It was high in my stomach.  Just under my breast…dead center.   The first time it was just an ache that swept over me.   When it happened my only thought was ‘dude I need to sit down’.   I rushed through my shower and sat down.  And relaxed.  It passed pretty quickly and I went on with my day.  I don’t remember it hitting me badly again during the early part of the day.   I was still feeling good, and took the time to make salads for my week and I put together a tray of lasagna for our dinner on Monday night. And I even finished a bit of painting on the shed (the hardware).  Little twinges of discomfort hit me but nothing too bad.  However as the day progressed the twinges of discomfort started coming at more regular intervals.  I even felt a bit nauseous.  I realized that I hadn’t eaten anything all day and thought that must be hungry (a foreign concept for me…and one that always throws me for a  loop when I feel a true hunger pang.  I have had issues of this in the past, where I am actually hungry but THINK I’m sick because I interpret the hunger pains as sickness.). By the time dinner rolled around I was feeling bad.   But I forced myself to eat…still convinced that it was hunger pains.   Food didn’t exactly make it better but it didn’t seem to make it worse.    I did however tell Jason, ‘I just don’t feel right’.

I went to bed, reluctantly because I was dreading going back to work!  I remember waking up and before I even got out of bed thinking , oh thank heavens, the pain is gone’.   But I was mistaken.  I started to move around and voila, the pain was back.  This time I was sure it was stress.   Vacation had been relatively stress free…and going back to work and back to real life brought it all crashing back.  Makes sense right?  I was sure that’s why I was feeling pain in my upper abdominal area….notice I was refusing to think any higher to heart!  After all, that had happened to me before where I had chest pains and it turned out to be stress (and apparently all tests at that time pointed at me being healthy as a horse).   I ignored the pain and went to work.

At work, I just wanted to lay my head down on my desk and cry as the pains intensified and washed over me.  It came in waves.  I’d have a bit of time where it was just a dull ache…but then it would hit and I would just curl up (literally) as the pain rocked through me. I was in tears more than once.  Taking the dog out was pure madness…I was feeling horrible.  The mere thought of food or drink made me want to hurl.   So nothing passed my lips…which only added to how miserable and weak  I was feeling I’m sure.   

By 1:00 pm I was at my wits end. I never call off sick! But I did.  I slept the afternoon away (discovering if I laid on my side the pain almost totally disappeared).  But when the pain came back it hit with a force if I moved from that one position even if it was to recline on my back.   The dog was a mess….she just wanted to lay on me and take care of me…but 100 pounds on top of someone that is wracked with pain wasn’t a good thing.

I started to get concerned…could this be my heart?  After all, I have had two people from my school years have heart issues.  I didn’t do anything….not until Jason came home.  (I honestly didn’t want to drive I felt that badly and off kilter).   He took me to the ER.  (I knew urgent care would say ‘possible heart’ and ship me to the er anyway).    Immediately upon arrival they did an ekg. (Literally; before I even got a room,  they did an EKG).  When the doctor saw me the first words out of his mouth were ‘your EKG looked good’.  Which of course is not definitive….but a good first sign.  They drew blood to test my enzyme levels. (Apparently when you have a heart attack your body produces proteins/enzymes).  So we did that process.  My enzyme levels that would indicate a heart attack remained incredibly low.  Thank heavens.  So we were eventually able to rule out heart as the cause of my issues. And then we went on to other things.

The end result?   GERD.   Gastroesophageal Reflux Disease.   It makes sense.  A few years back I had talked to my doctor about the fact that most times I ate I would have a wet sounding phlegmy cough…never quite coughing anything up.  I would cough once or twice and then I would be ok.    My family doctor advised that it was acid reflux but that it was nothing to be concerned with…since it was just a small annoying cough once or twice after eating.     When the doctor at the ER mentioned it, both jason and I at the same time were like ‘our family doctor mentioned acid reflux’. And I told the ER doctor what she had said and that she wasn’t concerned and said it was under control.   The doctor gave a rueful chuckle and said ‘apparently it wasn’t under control since you are laying here in my ER’.   They gave me a couple IV’s with various acid reflux meds and they sent me home with 3 prescriptions for heavy hitting doses of medications (stuff I can normally get OTC but higher doses apparently to get me past this flare up).

It’s now the next morning and both Jason and I called out sick since we were in the ER late.  Plus I have to get my meds from the pharmacy before the IV meds wear off.    

What did I learn during my ER visit

1.  It’s time for a new family doctor.   We have been talking about it for the last few months.  We have not been happy with the family doctor we have. She has ignored some complaints and issues that I have taken to her.   And this is the final straw.   She could have at least given me the risks of this ‘silent acid reflux’ issue and let me decide on how to proceed versus just brushing it aside.

2.  Don’t play with chest pains.  I should have admitted it much earlier and either called an ambulance or someone to drive me.  (Jason preached this point to me…as he was freaked out that I waited for so many hours after I admitted to myself that it was chest pains.)

3.  GERD is usually managed via medication.   Hopefully the higher doses won’t be necessary long term and I can rely on OTC versions as needed.  But it will be a learning process….and I will have to pay a lot more attention to what foods cause the acid reflux reactions.  It will be difficult because I’m the cough is now just part of who I am that I barely pay any attention to it.  (For example, I just ate some toast, first food in more than 24 hours.  I can’t remember if I did the throat clearing cough or not…..).  This will involve tracking my food…which I need for weight loss anyway and just adding that e xtra note about the cough and any heartburn/chest pain).   Hopefully I can manage this simply by knowing what foods trigger this and taking a dose of medication proactively versus taking a daily preventative medication (s).

4.  While doing my research on GERD I saw that there are some lifestyle changes that can help ease the symptoms.  They include things like the above mentioned finding and avoiding trigger foods.  It also includes avoiding alcohol and smoking.  No problem since I rarely drink and I never smoke.   Avoiding carbonated beverages will be a bit more of a challenge…but luckily I TYPICALLY don’t drink a lot…maybe one can a day. They recommend eating smaller meals throughout the day.  Not a problem on that one either…but it will make me turn away from the ‘one meal a day’ intermittent fasting method that I’ve been toying with trying.   Chocolate, spicy foods, fatty foods…foods high in acid…are all possible triggers.  So it’s recommended to limit those.     Like really, I was on vacation and drank a ton of carbonated beverages, ate fatty foods, and chocolate and the night before this happened a spicy Mexican meal. The night before was pizza.   Every food was full of things that is possible triggers.    So yes, watch my food intake.  But the BIGGEST lifestyle change to help ease the symptom is to lose weight and maintain the loss.

5.  Water water water!  Water helps dilute the acid in the esophagus and it is neutral so helps balance the PH levels that are out of whack.  Not drinking water let’s the acid run free.  I’ve been lacking with water lately.  

So yeah, full circle back to weight loss.  After I got the ‘heart looks ok’ report jason ran home to take care of the dog before coming back to the hospital and we texted a few times while he was with the dog. (The dog is ok for 5-6 hours during the day…but with her upset belly we didn’t want to push it that long..and luckily the hospital is only 5 minutes or so from our house.).   The weight loss thing can be summed up by sharing his text with you.

So there you have it.   No more BS.   I NEED a lifestyle change.   Early stages of GERD are bad enough.   But stage four..precancerous and cancer.   Not cool!   No more BS, it’s time!

Vacation Mode

It is Monday and I am happy to say that I am on vacation all week long!   I have been dreaming about our time off for weeks!  It is a staycation…we aren’t going anywhere.  But we do have a few things planned!  

The Shed

Last year for our vacation we opted to stay home to tear down a lean-to addition on our shed and rebuild it.  It was a a busy week as we tore it down and rebuilt.  We had a fire going in our fire pit going the whole vacation and the old shed was burned one piece at a time that week.  The week ended and the shed was still incomplete.  Slowly it got completed…kinda (very slowly since Jason got injured shortly after vacation…you can read about that here.   Luckily Jason’s dad helped us with getting it done!).     The shed has been in a state of being under roof but the new section was still bare wood and the old section was painted who knows when and it was obviously in need of fresh paint).  So when we decided that a go away vacation was not in the financial cards for us this year we decided to paint that shed!  Here is some pics of before we painted.  

 The pics make it look small.   It’s not huge but bigger than it looks. The leanto (bottom picture) is 20x10.  The main part is 25x12.  With an overhang in the front. The area under the over hang is an additional 25x12   (Jason says it would be prefect for an alpaca…hahahah)

It is Monday and we have now completed two full days of painting.  It looks so good!   We chose green…and it will be trimmed in white. (Stay tuned for completed pictures)

After painting all day today, I’m so tired!

Fun staycation stuff

Our vacation is not all work though!   We are trying and hoping to do a work day and then a relax fun day.  Back and forth.  So we worked on the shed on Saturday and on Sunday we headed to Micheaux State Forest (PA state forest) and did a bit of hiking.   It was actually shorter than normal. Zoey still gets a bit overexcited with new things and we haven’t been hiking much.  So we are keeping our hikes shorter while we ‘break her in.  But it was still awesome to get out!

It wore Zoey our!  She slept so hard when we got home….with her nose by HER sock.   (Our theory is that if we give her old socks that she won’t go after our good ones!)

 

We have some more short outdoor/hiking trips planned this week.  Tomorrow should be Cowans Gap…at least that’s the plan.  (We have a few other things to do also…more errand type stuff).   Apparently they have drained the lake…and we are nosey and want to see it without water!   It should be interesting.  The last time we took Zoey there she was too afraid to walk over the bridge that had a grate  versus a solid bridge deck.  At that time she weighed about 40 pounds and I carried her over the bridge.  She is over 100 pounds now….now sure how carrying her would work!  Hahaha

Anniversary

Tomorrow will be our second year wedding anniversary.   Yes, two years ago we went on vacation and got married.   Fun fun!!  (Your can read about it here. And that includes a link to my outlive video about it!).  We decided to do our annual wedding/anniversary cake again.  But decided to keep it within the confines of our weekend sweet treat  and have our cake on the weekend before our anniversary.   So we have been enjoying our anniversary cake.

Vacation will be over too soon….but I am ready to get myself back on track with getting healthy.  I have to focus on my health….I’m not getting younger!!!

A Year for the Record Books

​I’m telling you, this year is the year that is just not letting up!  It’s been one thing after the other!  Some good others bad!  It’s been nuts!

The first part of the year was swallowed up whole as we hunted for and bought a house. 

We settled on our house and then commenced the never ending move that stretched almost two complete months. We finished the move, drove back to the apartment (an hour and fifteen minutes away from our house) grabbed the last and turned in our key…and smiled because life would slow down then!  And quite literally my mom had a stroke the next day.    The madness of life continued as I tried to continue taking care of the house, the yard, put in my  time at work and make trips to see mom.  (I’m about 35 minutes away so any visit starts with an hour of travel time.  

Summer flew by like crazy as I ran around like a chicken with my head cut off.   I literally fell into the habit of cleaning the house at 6am…why?  Because that is when I could carve out a few minutes to do it.  I can clean the toilets and the bathroom sinks on my 15 minute breaks from work….which is what I do. I prep foods for dinner during my lunch break so that I can clear up an evening to go see mom after work.   I literally run around trying to make the most of every minute.  (Jason works a 9-1 hour day and has a 1 hour commute each way…..so his time is just as limited.).  I kept my head above the water…even though it felt like it was just barely.  

My weight maintained but only because I remained so busy.

I started Weight Watchers at the beginning of September and and had some success as I lost almost 10 pounds in that first month.  I was tickled too because I was super stressed due to some fear about the longevity of my job.  The end of August and most of September also marked a nice vicious case of poison.  All over my arms, legs and torso.  I pushed through with over the counter medication, but did not have a fun 3-4 weeks.  Things started to turn at the end of September.  The poison cleared up for the last week of the month.  Even better, at the very end of September I found out that my job was secure.  The timing for both of those things was perfect as  we had the first week off for vacation and to celebrate our anniversary. 

Our vacation was a staycation.  We decided to do a few little things local but to stay at home and work on the shed.   The shed on our property needed some love.  The leanto portion on the back was ready to cave in.  So we spent the week clearing the brush around the shed,  tearing that down (the leanto is 20x10), burning everything in the fire pit (one piece at a time) and starting the rebuild process.   I actually managed to maintain my weight over our vacation week. That is all thanks to being so active because I was ravenous the whole time!   

 On the third day of our vacation, I woke up and felt some itchiness…yes, I had managed to attract poison AGAIN.  (This was actually before we cleared the brush…so go figure).   The poison kept getting worse.  So bad that I ended up in the Urgent Care on the first day back to work after vacation.  They gave me steroids and sent me on my way.   

Steroids…well you know what that did to my weight!   Seeing it pop up did something to my mental capacity and will power and I began to struggle with tracking my food.    Oh, and the worst part of it?  The steroids did NOTHING for the poison and rashes!  Oh my word, the poison was so horrible!  What I thought was a bad case in September was nothing compared to this!  My complete torso was covered…my legs..arms, neck and even patches on my face.  My torso and thighs were the worst and I maintained this fire engine red color for weeks.  It wasn’t just itchy…it was painful.  Horrible!   Finally about the third to fourth week of October the bright red and terrible pain and itch had passed leavening me with dry scales skin.   I am still dealing with that and with bouts of itchiness.   What a month!

At the end of October they started to talk about sending mom home from Rehab.  She is super excited.  My brother and I not as much.  She is NOT ready to live on her own and we know it.  Ratchet up the stress another notch.

And then on October 27th, I went to visit mom after work.  I drove home and got home after dark.   I pulled in and saw Jason at the chopping block splitting down some firewood.  All was completely normal as I got out of the car.  I turned to head into the house and Jason had already gone inside.  I walked into the kitchen and noticed Jason bent over, but I was rushing to get dinner on the stove and in the oven since it was so late.  I greeted Jason and his words weee ‘I just cut myself’.  I asked if it was bad, still not shifting my focus from the stove and my dinner plans.    ‘Yes, really bad, I need to go to an urgent care’. I turned, shocked because he avoids doctors at all costs! That is when actually took stock of my kitchen…aka the crime scene.  Yeah, the axe slipped…went through his shoe…through his sock and right into his foot.  I grabbed a clean towel for him (he was using his sock to try to staunch the blood) and we headed out to urgent care.   Just as a side note…if you arrive with a foot wrapped in a blood soaked towel, they hustle you right back to a room.  The doctor wakes in soon thereafter and took one look at his foot and said ‘yeah, you most likely severed a tendon’ and sent us to the ER.  (They wrapped the foot …so that he was not leaking blood everywhere…which was nice of them, but slowed down our care in the ER as he was at that point not a bleeding priority).   X-rays and a phone consult with a podiatrist as they were also not sure of the status of his tendons.  We got home super late and I scrubbed the kitchen floor at 2AM and then went to bed.  I was up at 4:30 and out the door early for some other things concerning mom’s discharge…but made it back home in time to take Jason to his appointment with the specialist.  The specialist ordered an MRI because the tendon damage possibility could still not be determined.  Well on Monday we had the MRI and got the results.  He severed one tendon and nicked a second tendon.  Surgery or no surgery.  It’s possible they will heal on their own.  But possible that he needs surgery.  It’s up in the air and I believe we are going to try the least invasive, no surgery option.   At the worst, he will need surgery eventually.  At the best…it heals on its own.    So he is supposed to be no. Weight bearing for the next couple weeks…then a restrictive boot for a few more weeks.     Yes, I’m stressed to the max!

Ohhh and he can’t work…his employer is a small business with only a handful of employees…there is no short term disability.  We are now (and for the unforseeable future) a one paycheck family.    I’m trying to remain calm.  But it’s difficult.

So life is crazy.  So very crazy.  My eating has been steady…but not great.    My emotions are in an uproar as I feel like I am failing at everything I do.  Trying to do it all and falling short at everything.   Last night I sat on the couch trying to occupy my mind and I had a thought.  It was a thought that I had held onto tightly during the end of my marriage.   And that thought and mantra was ‘I can not control much of what is happening in my life and surroundings.  But I CAN control what food I put into my mouth’.  (For the most part…at 1AM leaving the ER having not eating in 14 hours…there wasn’t many options for where to pick up dinner…but I still had control over what I ordered.).    

  So if my food is the only thing I can control….control it!!!    This, this morning I pulled out my WW app and I have entered my food into the tracker.  I’m going to revel in the control I can have!!!

Vacation

Where did vacation go?   I swear it was just yesterday that I was so excited to leave for vacation!   Yet here I am back at home and already halfway through a work week!   Ahhhhhhh...such is life!    Even with it flying by, we had a great time on our vacation to the wilds of West Virginia!   We hiked a ton and saw some amazing things!!!!!   So here is a brief overview of what we did!

We hiked to quite a few different overlooks.  The overlooks here are pretty spectacular.  They all sit on the edge of a huge steep gorge, many on rock ledge ledges that jug out over the precipice that is the gorge! The views....incredible!

There are remnants of life in a bustling coal mine area everywhere.  We hiked rail trails and saw numerous abandoned mines and went back to Thurmond a complete abandoned town.  

 

We went to Babcock state park and took in the beauty of the grist mill. (And hiked the trails)

And we went to Hawks Nest State park and ride the aerial tram (and hiked the trails!)

The big success is the kaymoor miners trail.  I had attempted that back in June when we were there and gave up because I was honestly terrified!    I came home and pondered and went out and purchased trekking poles ...and have used them since that terrifying hike. So the very first place we headed on our vacation was that trail....I wanted to see the abandoned mine!!    I went down that trail lickety split!  I won’t say it was easy...but with the trekking poles to add in my descent I was able to navigate it with ease (and with no fear)

We got to the shelf on the side of the mountain and enjoyed exploring the ruins there. But then we headed down .  When I say down I mean down 821 steps!   (That is the equivalent of about a 42 story building!)  

Down at the bottom are more ruins!  Well worth it!   After we explored it was time to go UP those 821 steps and then back up the trail with the steep rock scramble!   It was one heck of a hard hike!  That day I only felt ‘tired’ but after the next day of hiking I couldn’t even touch my legs without feeling pain!  My muscles were toast!   (I kept hiking through the muscle aches...there was too much to see!!!) But you know what?  That was the best hike of the week!  We toyed with hiking it again on our last day there!   And I can assure you that if/when we are back in that area that we will definitely hike that again!!!!

So you can see that we had a fabulous and active time!!!!!!!   

I

Weigh in after a vacation

Well, it is time to explore the possible fallout from our little mini vacation.  What Am I talking about?   What in the world happened with my eating and on the scales during and after our little mini vacation to the beach!

It’s only a month of being healthy

I had made a decision that in September I would be adopting a mantra of ‘its only’.   Basically I can hold steady and stay on track because ‘it’s only a month’.  When I made that decision and challenge for September I was unaware that we would be going on a mini vacation.   It should have been smooth sailing!   But life isn’t about smooth sailing.  Life is about curveballs.  Life is about adapting.  I am not going to say that I restricted 100% and stayed true to being absolutely perfect on my mini vacation.   I honestly can’t say that!   However I am going to be totally honest and say that for the most part I feel like I made some really good choices!  I never went overboard.  I never went crazy.   I kept telling myself ‘it’s only a trip to the beach....next trip I can go crazy’.   But did it work?

Eating on vacation

Let me say that I tracked my eating each and every step of the way!   Every bite of food was tracked!!!   I did enjoy some Thrashers Fries (boardwalk style French Fries).  These were not eaten as an extra high calorie snack, they were part of my dinner and I did not eat all of them...we shared the order!

I also did indulge at the chocolate store!  Even then, I chose three small half inch squares of chocolate to enjoy after dinner.  Nothing more!  And tracked!!  I kept a tight reign on my choices and desires!

So I did have some indulgences.  My goal is to keep my calories between 1200 ad 1300 calories. So how did I do???

You can see that Saturday, Sunday and Monday my intake of calories was much higher than normal!  Sunday was quite high (for me) at 2200 calories.  I saw that number and cringed!   

  Now it is time to add in my movement.  Because we were on the move a LOT.   Especially on Sunday, that really high caloric intake day.  On Sunday we started walking at 9:45 and we did not sit down until we hit our hotel at 6:45 with our takeout dinner.   (We ate lunch on the go!). We also spent time frolicking in the ocean...fighting waves and whatnot!  So let’s look at my net calories to see where I was with adding in some of my movement (I didn’t even count all the hours...I underestimated the hours of movement)

Oh yeah...I pretty much ate higher calories on Sunday but I apparently should have burnt most of them!

It all wasn’t happy though.  I lost control one time!  Yes, I had a snack fiasco!

The Snack Fiasco

We were driving home.   Traffic as we headed toward the bay bridge was horrible (as it always is after a holiday weekend) and we got stopped dead behind an accident.  When we got moving again we knew we needed to stop for gas, bathrooms and lunch as it was already 2pm!  Everyone else was in the same boat apparently.   I waited for 10-15 minutes in line for the bathroom.  It was then time to grab something to eat.  I honestly tried!  I really did!  I marched myself over to the area for made to order sandwiches!  But that line was just as long as the line for the bathroom   No thank you....I wanted to get moving and on the way home again!   I tried to look at the ready made foods!  But it was picked over and nothing was left!   I defaulted to an individual sized bag of cheese ritz crackers.    While we waited in line to pay (another long line) I saw the chips!   I was hungry...I was discombobulated due to my original plans for food not panning out.   I grabbed a bag of chips also!   And that is the snack fiasco.  Because I did not nibble daintily a few pieces from each bag.  I scarfed down both packages and practically licked the inside of the bag clean!

Weigh in after a vacation

The day we left for vacation I was sitting at 242.6 pounds.   The day after we got back I was at 245.8!  I had gained 3.4 pounds in three days!  I had gained even with all that walking and movement!!!   I was so mad and upset but I didn’t let it get to me!!!

I turned it around.  I didn’t let vacation make me forget my ‘it’s only a month’ mantra.  I turned it around immediately and made sure I was doing what was good and right for a healthy life!    And today...Friday I stepped on the scales.  I weighed in at 242.6.     I somehow managed a straight up maintain!

Moving forward with my weight loss

Our mini vacation is behind me.   I have the rest of September to rock out my it’s only a month mantra!   It really works!  It even got me through a vacation.  My mantra kept my vacation food indulgences at a minimum and that mantra brought me right back to my healthy eating when we got home.    I may have only maintained my weight this week, but it is a HUGE victory!   Vacations usually elicit a weight gain!  But not this time!!!  I was victorious! 

Relieved....just a bit

We are coming to the end of the week and what a crazy week it has been!   Vacation, breakdowns, return to work, new toys, weight gain and healing just to make a few!  Seriously, this week was nuts! 

We grudgingly came back from vacation on Sunday night.  We could have extended that vacation a few more days and been so happy!  But alas, life responsibilities called.  So back home we came.   Mertz was happy to see us!  The fish too!  (Yes the fish was excited....the hermit crabs didn’t even notice we were gone!).  Ok the fish was probably just hungry!  Mertz really missed our company I think!  Poor lonely kitty cat!  I wrote about the mini vacation in my last post here   But at the end of this post I will include some links to a few videos that I posted about the vacation.  There is one that gives a brief overview of the whole vacation and three other videos that really show in depth some of the places hat we visited.

On Monday, I weighed myself. I had gained 10 pounds in 4 days!  Crazy!   I had hoped that it was water retention!  I am happy to say that my weight has dropped...and right now I am sitting about 3-4 pounds up.  That is still too much and doesn’t make me happy, but it is easier to accept 3-4 pounds versus 10!!!   I am still hopeful that my weight will continue to drop a bit as water weight drops off since I am still on prednisone and will be through Monday.   

My leg that had some poison/bug bite that got infected is doing well.  I have completed the full course of antibiotics and the wound area looks really good.  

What a difference!!!

On Monday my old laptop died.  I knew it was coming for a while and been fighting the laptop for a while.  It was slow...sluggish and crashed a lot.  I was limping along.  I had actually almost purchased a new one a few months ago, so I had already done research and it didn’t take me long this week to hit the buy button when the old one went belly up.  I also purchased what I hoped would be a temporary fix for the old laptop so that I could extract my files.  Both the fix and the new computer arrived on my doorstep on Wednesday evening.   The fix worked!  (Thank heavens) and the new computer is a dream!  I also bought a lot of new software...my software was old old old.  So I upgraded to a newer version of photoshop and I decided to switch from my old video editing software to adobe premiere.  So I am learning a new software.  Should be interesting!  My videos may be a bit rough for a bit as I figure it out. But I can already definitely see a huge difference in the quality output!   See if you can tell which two were created with the new software/computer and which two were on the old software/computer from the links below!

In the midst of all of that, Jason was called back to work after being furloughed for three months. He went back on Wednesday of this past week.   Yes, it was just about three months to the day that he was off of work due to this virus.  So we are trying to adjust to a new routine.  It is a routine of me working from home and Jason going to work.  It is also a routine where he won’t know always be able to walk with me after work.  I’m on my own and responsible for my own motivation to get out there and walk!  (Yikes...I’m not good at that!)   Mertz was so upset the first day he went back to work.  She literally followed me around.  If I went to the bathroom she walked with me.  She was my shadow and was never more than a foot or two away from me. It has been an adjustment.  Even though I have been working at home, Jason and I have been in very close proximity for almost 24-7 for the last few months.   We were happy and had absolutely no problem being near each other almost constantly....but man it’s weird not being together now.

I have walked a wee bit after work...a few days at least.  But I’ve been so caught up in the computer woes (I also tried a fix on the old computer on Tuesday..that didn’t work). So between the death...the attempt to fix...the actual temporary fix.....getting my files safe and sound....waiting for the new computer delivery....setting up and learning the new computer...well, I let my fitness goals I had set for the week fall aside.   There are no ifs ands or buts,  I am hitting it hard for this next upcoming week!  

It was just a crazy week all around!  But craziness is a way of life! We are surviving and moving forward.  We are happy for the weekend.  We have no real set in stone plans, other that get groceries. Who knows what the weekend will bring!!!!  Crazy or relaxing...we are ready!!!

The video for the weekend in its entirety

A video about the Trans Allegheny Lunatic Asylum

A short video on the Museum of American Glass

A video about our visit to an abandoned town

Fears about a weight gain

My first official weigh in after vacation happened this past weekend.  I was showing up 2 pounds exactly.   I had hoped for better!  I had wanted a maintain.  Yet I was ok with the gain.    I knew going in that I was going to live my life and not focus on my food.  I still chose healthy options at times....but I also choose some unhealthy options at times.   I was completely satisfied with my food choices. 

So while I am ok with my weight after vacation....I still find myself panicking.   I go back to the first official post vacation weigh in shortly after I reached my goal weight.   It is the vacation where I started my backwards slide!   Yeah, this one.....  I know it’s not the same....but my mind goes there....what if I never recover?  What if I never lose the weight and start regaining?  What if I end up back at 330 pounds?

I am eating right....and we did go out for a ride this past weekend and I have started walking on my lunch break again this week (ok yesterday...but it’s a start)

I know...my fears are silly...but my weight is just not dropping quickly...but it hasn’t this time around.  It seems as if I drop a half pound then maintain for a week or two and then drop another half pound.   It’s still progress but it is slooooow!

So that is where I am at!  Worried...panicked....just plodding along and staying on track for this weight loss journey!

A video of last weeks progress can be found here....

It's Over

Boooooo  vacation is over!  I don't want it to be over!

We had a FABULOUS time!   We went to Ocean City, MD for a week and we had a blast!  We enjoyed sunrises, long walks, long bike rides and some wonderful time together!  I'm not ready to go back to work!

That said, My weight is up by about 3 pounds.  I'm not happy with that, but I do think that some of it is external factors that is causing my weight to be raised a bit.  What factors?

* my bodily functions are not exactly normal....vacations do those things you know!
* I had a bit of a situation where I was either severely dehydrated or having an allergic reaction.  My hands swelled up so bad that my rings didn't fit on ANY Fingers....not even on my pinky!  It hurt to move my fingers because the skin was stretched so tightly!  (It was accompanied by a weird rash and burning sensation on my lower leg.....small 2 inch patch on my leg).  The swelling went away by the end of the day...the leg still burns a bit. 
* On the last day at the beach I picked up a case of sun poisoning.....how crazy is that for October?  I know that sun poisoning (I"m not really sunburnt....so it's odd) and sunburn cause inflammation and inflammation can cause weight gain!.

So is the 3 pounds real?   Who knows...next week we will know for sure!

In the meantime.....here is a video of our vacation!

And if you won't want to watch the video...a few pictures.

Excitement!!!!

We are in the homestretch now to vacation! It is Friday morning as I write  this and vacation is only a few short hours of work away!   We have been working a bit each evening to prepare everything for our departure.   We will finish everything tonight after work and have one more night of sleep in our own bed before heading out to the beach for a week of listening to the waves crash, the  sounds of the seagulls squawking  and the smell of salt air!   The weather is forecasted to be wonderful!   Mid 70’s to low 80’s during the day! Perfect for being outside all day long.   The crowds should not be there either which makes us happy!  

So what does this mean for my eating plan?  For one, I   I will still be counting calories the whole time...every bite I eat will be tracked!  But I will not be  eating like a Puritan! My eating plan is to live healthy!  That means that while I do make healthy choices for ‘most’ of the time, that  I also don’t forget to live on occasion!   At the beach that may look like sharing a bucket of boardwalk (thrashers) fries.   It might mean an ice cream cone....but it also means healthy choices for  most dinners or lunches.  Typically in every day life my balance is more 95% healthy and 5% treat. (But still within my calorie budget) ..and it works for me...I’m losing slowly but I’m satisfied and feel in control emotionally!  (And honestly don’t even feel as if I am trying to lose...I’m usually not panicked about eating something or not eating something...I just go with the flow and it is working!). I know that for this upcoming  week my balance may be a bit more 80/20. And I’m ok with that!  

The GOOD thing about vacation?  When we go to the beach we typically park the car and don’t use it again until the day we leave!  (At the most only VERY sparingly). We get around by shoe leather express or bike!   We are also on the go from sunup to sundown.  I know a few years ago when we were there (without our bikes so it was all walking) we walked about 12-15 miles each day.  When we take our bikes we usually are out riding for 3-5 hours each day and then walk the rest of the time.   We discovered the hard way on one trip that we were actually not eating enough because we were burning so many calories. (Every symptom of hunger hit and not being used to those feelings we thought we were both getting sick!). So I am hoping that the heavy activity negates any indulgence!!!! I am hoping for at least a maintain! 

If you are gasping right now at my weight loss plan for vacation...just remember...at the fair the other week, I passed up the funnel cakes and fried cheese and all sorts of other goodness that the food venders were selling.  Know you know why.....I knew that vacation was around the corner and I wanted to save my indulgence for something truly special!  This is planned!

Either way, I’m not going to worry about it...vacation week comes but once a year.  My weight loss journey is not being forgotten. It is being put on the back burner for the week...attended to enough to maintain my weight but ignored enough to allow me to live!   That is the key to success...managing and adjusting to life and picking your indulgences....