Removing the Diet Mentality to Bring Success: Book Review of Thinsanity

 I have long written about my love hate relationship with this weight loss journey that I am on.  I love the progress and how I feel when I'm losing (or have lost) weight.  I love knowing that I am doing really good things for my body.  There is a lot that I love.  However, there is a certain loss of innocence.  I miss the innocence of not thinking about my food intake, I miss the innocence of living a life and not having to think about being healthy.   Is a healthier body worth it?  Yes.  But that doesn't mean I sometimes mourn that loss.

This year I made a vow to read a 'healthy life' related book each month.  I read a lot.  My yearly average  is about 125-150 books.  Many of the books are fluffy and light romance novels, heart stopping thrillers or any variety of fictional works.  But this year, I want to make sure that I am reading something to better myself, at least one book a month!  In the past I have randomly picked up this kind of book, but with no real consistency.  So I decided one a month would be a good start to bring more enlightening books into my life!    That's not a lot in the grand scheme of how much I am reading!  (I made this decision in February so I have an extra book to read at some point to make my perfect 12.)

I was looking for my book last month and noticed the book Thinsanity by Glenn MacIntosh.  I read the description and I was hooked!  Losing the 'diet' mentality sounded like a really good thing for me!  Maybe I could regain some innocence within my weight loss journey!  I was so excited that I didn't even wait for the book to become available through my library.  I went to Amazon and bought it immediately.  

This book started out great!  The author instructs the reader to only read the portions that pertain to them.  I was impressed with this.  Most authors indicate the need to 'read the book in its entirety' to get the full rewards.   But not this author, he clearly told us to skip parts if we have already mastered it or if we feel as if we had already gotten the gist of the chapter and quit simply felt done with the subject.

The book is laid out great!   He has it divided into a chapters that highlight the symptoms of thinsanity.   They are things like negative self image, making peace with food, love hate relationship with food, self medicating with food and healthy habits.   Great subjects!  Each chapter talks about the symptom. The chapters are interspersed with personal stories of people that have left the world of Thinsanity to live away from the 'diet culture' and into a more intuitive lifestyle.  So far so good! 

The problems for me started to come when he started to talk about body image.  He talked about the BMI and how it was skewed so if you were going by the BMI and thought you were overweight.  Since the BMI was not a valid judge you were wrong and thus you were not overweight.  What?  I wholeheartedly agree that the BMI is not the best indicator for weight. After all, I had to get a doctors note to exempt me from the BMI restrictions for weight watchers! I actually wrote about that many years ago in this post.    So I agree with the harsh restrictions of the BMI in terms of weight goals.  But at my current weight, there is no way that anyone would not call me overweight.  Yet this author kept repeating his mantra that "The BMI is wrong so you are not overweight".  These comments had me scratching my head and wondering why I was reading this.

 

My feelings of discontent with this book were nailed home later in the book when he relayed a story about his patient that had worked for 3 months to lose her weight but then gained it back on her cruise.    Really?   She lost all her weight in 3 months?   Three months would be fabulous but without any major illness or medical intervention not even remotely possible for a morbidly obese person.

 

At that point reading became a bit of a drudgery for me.  I felt as if he was writing this book for the person that had just a few pounds to lose and not someone that was morbidly obese.  I kept reading though.   Maybe he would turn it around.   Each chapter did have good hints and tips that can help someone on a weight loss journey.  But the author lost me totally toward the end of the book.  100% lost me.

 

What in the world did he say that turned me off completely?   He flat out said that bariatric surgery is an appropriate potential for people living in large bodies.   What?  I thought the purpose of this book was to live healthy and lose weight!   But no, he went on to say that this book would be great to be used as preparation for bariatric surgery.  

I have nothing against the person that chooses bariatric surgery, however it was not what I was expecting in terms of a book to help me get into a better mindset and say goodbye to dieting forever.  In fact, in my limited knowledge, a person that has had bariatric surgery still has to watch what they eat.  That person may actually have to watch their 'diet' even  more to make sure that they get the proper nutrients.   Hmmmmm...

Either way, I was done with this book at that point.  Was it my personal preconceived notions?  Was I soured by one or two comments at the beginning?   Pick up the book, read it and let me know if I was just having a bad day(s) when I was reading!

 

 So this book was super disappointing for me.  Not a good way to start my reading challenge for the year.  Don't worry though,  I haven't given up.  I already had my next healthy book lined up and have started reading it!  It is proving to be much better!  So stay tuned for that review!!!

It's 4 AM you Ninny!

I was in the middle of writing a long post about the urge to give up, updates on life, beekeeping and all things my life, health and happiness yesterday  and I stepped away from the computer and poof, it was gone!    ~~deep sigh~~   So here I am again!  This time on the computer (I was writing it previously on my phone).   This post is not getting away from me!

I'm Not Giving up
The last two weeks have been a real struggle.  I have been so frustrated with my weight loss efforts.  Ok, not really with my efforts.  I'm frustrated with the numbers on the scale, how I feel and how my clothes fit.I have been for the last few weeks eating about 1500 calories.  I've been exercising.  I've been doing it!  Yet I'm not losing and in fact I may even have gained a pound or two.   Talk about frustrating!  So I reevaluated where I am and what I'm doing.   I looked back to what I have been doing in the past when I have been successful.   I came up with two things.  Cut calories and lower my intake of carbs.

I talked in my last post about the carbs already.  I know that I can have 1 serving of bread/pasta/potatoes a day.  I've known this for a while.  Yet it seems so innocent to just have a small sandwich at lunch.   Seriously, it's just a sandwich. However, that is true, except that I don't cut my complex carb from dinner.  I'm within my calories so no harm done right?   However, that is not right.  For me this doesn't work.  So back to limiting.   I'm ok with limiting, it allows me to have my much loved carbs but still lose.  (Oh heavens, I hope that this rule never changes!)  I have been working to enact this change.

The second thing that I am working to change is my calorie count.   I have been eating about 1500 calories.   I have LONG known that this doesn't work for me, yet I keep bumping my calories to that 1500 level.   1200 calories is where I need to be.   Yes, I know that seems low, but this has been tested time and time again in my life.  I first discovered it while I was losing with weight watchers.   Every time I tried to eat all of my weekly points, I would maintain or even gain.   Likewise, if I tried to eat my 'earned points' (earned through exercise) I would gain.   I had to keep my calories at the lower level.   I've encountered this numerous more times over the years.   In terms of calories 1200-1300 calories is my magic.   That's not a lot of calories!   So naturally more calories creep in...and if it's just a random day of 1500 calories I'm ok.  But when one day turns into 2 or 3 or weeks worth, then I don't lose!   So I'm getting strict again about keeping it at 1200!  

It's working!  Not fast, but I'm seeing the trend on the scales going down.

Exercise

Exercise has been really rough this week.   The alarm goes off at 5AM and I have only been able to muster up the gumption to exercise 2 times out of the last 5 days.  I've been just so tired, so sluggish and so unmotivated.  It wasn't until about midway through the week that it hit me.  The time change!   My body has been screaming at me.  It's been saying "It's 4AM you ninny!"  It doesn't seem like a huge difference but 4AM is sooo much worse than 5AM (and 5 AM isn't fun either!)

Beekeeping Class

I went to my second night of beekeeping class.  It is quite enjoyable.  Ok, I love learning new things, so I didn't expect it to be anything else.  However, I almost let my fear of trying something new keep me from it, but the fear was more "where to go, how to find it," etc and not fear about learning something new.  I'm glad I didn't let my fear win.  

Are we ready to pull the trigger on purchasing the set up and the bees?   Yeah, I think I am.  Sure, I"m scared senseless about the prospect but I'm ready.  What may hold me up is finances and time.  It will be a bit of outlay of expenses this year, and not sure we can swing it!   Secondly, there is time.  Ok, not really time, but the timing of all of this.   Shipments of bees are happening literally in 2 weeks.  Some places are already 'out' of bees to purchase.   So being ready at the right time may not happen.   But we will be ready for next year it not.

Weekend

We have a busy weekend planned.  We HAVE to get those bare root trees and plants into the ground.  We don't want them to move out of their dormant state!  This is a grocery week. It is also a week to clean the bird cage.  There are also a few other things that may or may not be happening!

Recipe Project

I have been working diligently on my mothers recipes.   This has been a much bigger project than I first thought when I took on the project.  So what is the project?   Gathering all of my mothers recipes, digitizing them and compiling them together.  Sounds easy and quick right?  NO, it has been huge!  Some  recipes that are near impossible to read. 

But that wasn't what made it a huge task.   What made it difficult was the fact that mom never settled on any one organization system for her recipes.  She had grand ideas though.  My oldest nephew and I have worked on cookbooks, baking magazines and recipes a few times together and we have laughed so hard because we have come across no less than 5 different organizational ideas for recipes.  Mom tried each one, but never really managed to finish any of them.   The problem with these multiple organization systems and the lack of any set system is that each time she started a new system she copied her tried and true and most used recipes into the new system.  So we are talking multiple versions of some of these recipes.   The lack of system also caused multiples as she had the same recipe written on a card and tucked in multiple books, magazines and drawers.   

Still not convinced this project was huge.   Right now, I am at 450 plus UNIQUE recipes.   That doesn't include the duplicates! 

It has been interesting to see the evolution of mom's baking through the years.  I found recipes from when we were kids.  Very basic and simple recipes.   I found fancier recipes that she used when she was a personal chef for some local priests.  Just this past week I found the recipes from the restaurant.  Yes, my grandmother owned a restaurant for years and my mom cooked there. (I also worked there doing short order, waitress and whatever else was needed).  The restaurant recipes were in my grandmothers handwriting!   The last evolution of my mom's baking was when she baked and sold her baked goods at a stall at various farmers markets.  How interesting to see my mom's life in recipes!

 So what am I going to do with these recipes?  First and foremost, it is for family.  For our use, for our memories.  I have toyed with a book...but where to begin with 450 plus recipes!

 

I remain  busy and active and taking steps to make my life, my health, myself the best version of me!

 

 

Frustrated and Fighting the Urge to GIve UP

 I have trying to lose weight!  It is the most frustrating experience one can have!  I mean, don't get me wrong; when I am actually losing I feel amazing.  I am on top of the world and all is fantastic.  But when the weight is not coming off it is the most demoralizing and horrible experience.

The weight was starting to come off and things were going well at the end of January and the beginning of February.  I was on top of the world.   Then my mom died.   I actually held it together for the week of her death.   I was so proud.  I didn't succumb to all the tempting and bad foods.  I was doing great!  I had won...right?

Yeah, how wrong I was.  All  can say is that I let down my guard.  In fairness that first week was more surreal.  It wasn't until the second week that it really hit me with the sheer loneliness and grief.  I haven't gained mad weight.  I"m actually still within a 3 pound range...with the bottom edge skirting where I was when my mom died...but more often at the top of the 3 pound range.  SO I guess I should admit to a three pound gain.  What is worse?  I'm still trying to lose and it's just not coming off!  I mean seriously, my calories were never over 1500!  NEVER.

I looked at my food closely and I saw a problem area.  I was eating a peanut butter and jelly sandwich each day for lunch.   Seems innocent right?  Except that in my personal experience I know that eating bread/potatoes/pasta can only be a one a day thing for me.  By eating it for lunch I should have forwent it for dinner ,but I was not!  So that is what I think my issue is.  I think! I hope! So I'm working to change that!

 I have been working on deep cleaning things around the house.  I have been wiping down kitchen cabinets.  I am also taking the time to move things around in the kitchen.  I've lived here two years and I sat back and really thought about the kitchen to think about what was working and what was 'annoying'.  I have juggled a few things around to hopefully be more efficient and less 'annoying'.   I"m happy with what I have been getting done!

We finally bought some fruit trees for our property!  I am so excited.  THey are bare root trees, so we can/need to plant them soon!  I also got my strawberries!  YIPEE!  I'm so excited!

    Trees:

        3 Apple (Fuji, Honey Crisp, Golden Delicious)
        1 peach

        3 blueberries (three different types...these are Jason's babies)

        kiwi

        blackberries (we have one wild blackberry on the very edge...but these are designed for container                 gardening so will go on our front porch in containers)

    Cherry (a bush)....we have a cherry tree but it doesn't produce...hopefully the bush will be a good                     pollinator for it!

 

I have also started attending a beekeepers class.  SO we are really thinking about starting our bee colony this year!  WOO HOO!   We haven't given up on the chickens.....but might just do the bees first!

 

That's about it for here.  Just trying to lose weight and making it through each day!

 

 

I didn't give up

So here we are, another week halfway done.Where is time going??   I looked at my last post and I was like "where in the world did time go" , I honestly feel as if I posted yesterday, yet it was 10 days ago!  I've gotten back into the 'normal routine' and have been working on the new normal.  So here is what I have been up to.

Word of the Week

Last week my word of the week was routine.    This week I chose the word Trust for my word.  I knew that I really needed to trust that my healthy habits would bring me the desired results.  It's hard to continue to watch what I'm eating, exercise daily, get my miles in, etc etc etc  and just TRUST that my efforts will work.  So that is exactly what I needed this week.  Trust that my efforts WILL parlay into weight loss.

Little did I know that it would REALLY be a week of trust when I chose the word.   Yesterday I hopped on the scales and I was aghast!  The scales were showing me up!  WAY up!  What in the world.  I know that I made some cookies over the week, but I had accounted for them in my tracker!  Why was I up so much! I stepped into the shower and stood under the stream of hot water reeling from what I saw.   And I had to tell myself to "trust".   Trust the healthy habits that you have put into place MaryFran, is what I had to tell myself!  

After I got myself calmer and over the shock of seeing a number that I didn't want to see, I was able to remind myself that I had been working on a healthy habit that almost always causes a spike in my weight before an eventual drop.   And even if that's not the reason for the weight spike....well.....trust!

 

Water 

 I bought a new water bottle this past weekend!  YAY, I love new water bottles!  I always think that a new water bottle will be the magic that I need to get my goal amount of water into my body! But even before I bought the new water bottle, I was working on getting in my water.   It took me a few days to realize that the cramps that I was having in my legs every night while I slept (waking me up)  were most likely caused by dehydration!    Yes, I was quite dehydrated.  As soon as I realized that, I started pounding water.  What typically happens though is that our bodies will then store all that water.  It's like a camel...we store the water because we fear that the drought will return.  Eventually, my body will catch up with the news that water is free flowing again and will then release the water (lots of potty breaks) and my weight will regulate!  So, I am hoping that holds true this time also! 

GERD

During the week of my mom's funeral, I just pushed things aside.  So when I got back into the swing of things I started to go through emails and notes of things to attend to.  One of them was to pay the bill for my barium swallow.  I logged onto mychart for that facility and noticed the results were there for the swallow.  I won't be going back to the doctor until the end of March, so I was just expecting to get the results at that time. But hey, I got a heads up earlier!

I have been living in denial that I have Gerd.  Yes, I have been living in denial, I was sure the doctors were wrong!  So I was excited to see the results, sure that the results would show that I do NOT have Gerd!   Imagine my disappointment when the results showed a "HIGH LEVEL" of reflux.....going up to the clavicle area.  Oh my!   I guess I can't deny it any longer!

Emotions 

I am still blown away at the way I feel.  I seriously thought I would do good with my mom's passing, after all, I had handled my dad's like a champ.   But I'm just thrown for a loop.  The absolute depth of loneliness I  feel is mind boggling. I feel alone and drifting. (maybe I never really grieved completely for my father too)  I don't know.  I just know that the thought of both of them gone brings tears to my eyes.  I'm alone, with no parents.  I know I'm not alone.   But it just feels lonely.  Tears are frequent.  And that's ok.  I'm paying the price for having been given an amazing childhood with amazing parents.  As much as it hurts, it is well worth it!

  2024 Miles in 2024

I was ahead in my miles before my mom passed away.  During that week, I used up almost every one of those banked miles.  Quite literally, I ended that week with only 1/2 mile extra.   I was fine with that.  Life events are what I like to bank miles for, because sometimes, getting in your miles just isn't going to happen.  But I knew that I wanted to start banking miles again.  I don't like to be just getting by.  I like extra miles so that my back is not against the wall.  So the first week back to work I came out swinging and I banked miles!  I banked a lot of miles!  So I am feeling good about that (and not letting up, I"m still banking those miles like crazy!)

February may have been a bust on a couple different levels.  I may not have lost the weight I wanted to lose (official weigh in tomorrow but it's not looking good), I may have not got all the steps/miles in that I wanted. I may have lost my mother.  But you know what?  I survived.  I kept putting one foot in front of the other and I didn't give up.

 

Getting back to Normal

 What a week. My word for last week was Hang On. I did just that.  I held on for dear life and tried to not let go.   

  I never expected to be burying my mom last week.  Yet we did. As a family we had some laughs and some tears.  I had handled my dad's death so well that I thought I would breeze through mom's death.  But no, this has hit me hard.  The best way to put it is that there is just this overwhelming sense of loneliness. I think when dad died I knew I still had one parent there and it gave me comfort.  But now.....there is nothing and just a hole in my heart.  I know...it will get easier.  

  Hanging on is exactly what I did.  Oh, I wanted to eat horribly, but I kept my eating in line most days.  The final day was the toughest of all.   I have taken on a project where I am taking a pile of papers that include my mothers recipes and I am digitizing them.   What I am doing is typing the recipes onto the computer.  I am then scanning/taking a picture of the recipe that mom wrote (some with stains and hard to read) and I am placing that on the page with the recipe.  So we have a nice version to recreate some of mom's baked goods but also so that we have a picture of her actual recipe.   IN this way, we can have things organized neatly and not taking up scads of space.     The problem with this project?  It makes me want to bake!  Many of the recipes that she made are already in my personal recipe file...but that doesn't matter...it makes me want to bake!  I resisted the temptation....UNTIL I upgraded my Kitchen Aid mixer.  I had a tilt top.......I have taken one of mom's kitchen aids.  So I had a 'new to me" toy to play with. (once again, it was mom's I've used all of her mixers many times...but it was new to me and in my house).   So I caved and made cookies yesterday morning.  I did take half of them to my in-laws to share with them!  (got them out of my house!)   Even so, my calories for yesterday was still until 2,000.  (right at about 1700 so I"m good with that).

My word of the week for this week is ROUTINE.  I need to get back into my routine.  I need that routine in place in order to have success!    I fell back into the routine this morning and I"m counting on that old routine to carry me through this first week back.

2024 miles in 2024.  I was so happy a week and a half ago because I was ahead in my miles for the year.    I knew that being ahead was important for a 'rainy day'.   Well, last week was rainy.  I didn't do much riding on the bike (I did get one or two days in) and while some of the days my step count was great, others my step count was in the garbage!   I did not meet my weekly goal....no where close!    Luckily I had those banked extra miles.  They saved me from not getting behind for the year.  I literally have about 1/2 of a mile extra now!  There is no wiggle room!  I have to get to moving and start banking miles again!

It wasn't an easy week....but I think I can say it was a successful week, all things considering!  

I Love You Mama

 I think my post title sums up everything I need to say.

Friday morning started as any other day.  I woke up and started my day like normal.  I was only awake for about 15 minutes when my phone rang. It was my brother telling me that he had just gotten off the phone with the nursing home.  Mom had died.  

 

It was unexpected. Sure, she had very limited mobility.   OF course,  she had been in the hospital for a week earlier this year.   But there was no indication that she was at the end.   So it was a bit of a shock.

I'm filled with grief and sadness.  But being honest, this is a good thing.  I know where my mother is now.  I know that my mom is no longer struggling with the most basic of life functions.  You see, she never recovered after the stroke 1.5 years ago and she struggled emotionally  with the loss of her mobility and freedom.

 The arrangements have been made, and we are in that stage between death and services.  Limbo land.   When my father died, I ate my way through my grief.   Seriously, I ate anything and everything!  I also gained about 8-10 pounds in that one week!   Within an hour of receiving the news that my mom had passed away I had already told Jason, "I'm not gaining this time, so no scads of donuts, ice cream, cakes and candies!"   

Let me tell you, it has been difficult!  That first day, I wanted to drown my sorrows at Burger King or Mcdonalds on the way to my brothers where we met to start making the arrangements!   I didn't!  I stuck to my cheerios!   The next day when Jason and I went down for the identification before cremation I wanted to stop again for fast food!  I wanted to pick up donuts!  I wanted it all!  I didn't!   I did have a higher calorie day (1700's) but the other two days since I received the news my calories have been in the 1300's!  The scales?   Right now I am maintaining!  I"ll take that as a victory!

 My word of the week for this week?  It's another phrase....... "hang on"

Word of the Week

​How is it already Wednesday and I haven’t posted my word of the week yet!  I’m such a slacker!!!   It just seems as if every moment of my day is sucked up with activity.   By the time I do sit down to relax in the evening I am just plain and simple tired!   But here I am now, so let’s catch up!

Word of the Week

My word of the week for this week is consistent.     Consistent just seemed really appropriate for me this week.  My January report actually kinda surprised me, I wasn’t expecting it to be as good as it was, but it showed me that my efforts were making a difference!  Because of that, I knew that I couldn’t let up!  I needed to stay the course that I am on.  I had to stay consistent!   

I am happy to say that this far this week I have been consistent!

Accountability

I have long resisted the idea of actually posting my food on a public forum such as this site or on my YouTube channel.  I know a lot of people do, but it just seemed as if I was opening myself up to ridicule as people decided to make comments about what I’m eating because of course my eating plan is MY plan and may not fit in with what someone else thinks is a good plan. So while I have toyed with it quite a few times over the years, I have never actually done it.   I also lacked the discipline (and memory) to actually film/photograph my food for each meal!  Hahaha. So I never did it.  That is, I have never really done it until last week.   No no no, you didn’t miss anything on here.  I decided to try something on my YouTube channel and I started posting what I eat in a day videos. Yeah, not really sure what possessed me!  Must have been a moment of insanity!

But I’ve done a few now.  And it hasn’t been too bad.   Sure I got a comment from someone to eat more veggies (I have always been a bit heavier on fruit versus veggies, so no surprise there).    I have forgotten to film one meal.  But since I’m a creature of habit it was luckily just a bowl of cheerios that of forgot to film.  So I’ve done it for about a week. And it’s been….well enlightening.

For one, the accountability multiplied tenfold for sure! And secondly, I realized how much of a rut I really am in, and it did make me sit back to try to think of different options for lunch.  (Although if it’s working for me, why change it?)

I don’t know how long I will do it.  Posting a video everyday is a commitment. It takes time to not only film (I am throwing in other things from life into those ‘what I eat in a day videos…and some videos are two days lumped into one), but it takes time to edit the footage.  It takes time to get everything ready to post and it even takes time to post.  But for now, it’s working as I’m working to set up some kind of routine to allow it to happen within my normal daily schedule.  (And in that schedule I am looking at adding a regular time to write here because I am always THINKING about writing a post but time gets in the way.

You can check out my what I eat in a day videos here.  

The Homestead

It’s no secret that when Jason and I bought our place that we bought it with grand visions of the property.  We don’t have a lot of land, but you can do a lot on a one and a half acres.  Fruit trees, a strawberry patch, garden, chickens, etc etc etc.   However, shortly after moving in life went upside down and well….I started to struggle emotionally.  And if you have ever suffered from any level of depression you will know that it is a monumental task to even do simple things like cleaning and cooking.   The yard progressed a bit..and we did plant a few things, but nothing major.

I decided that it was time to change that.   So I’ve been trying to spend a little time outside each weekend doing SOMETHING to better our ‘homestead’.   It’s winter so there isn’t a whole lot to do.  But we have a big brush pile to burn!  So we had a fire one weekend.  And my nut trees needed pruned…so I pruned one weekend.   We still have brush piles and stuff to clean.   That’s a good winter chore!  (Can you get poison ivy in the winter?).   I am looking at getting strawberries, grapes and blueberry bushes this year.  I want the fruit trees, but I need to watch the finances and don’t want to bite off more than I can chew in terms of time commitments!

I’m pretty excited about the homestead work!

We remain busy with life and all of our commitments, but I’ve been doing much better emotionally.   And of course, Zoey the Newfoundland is as cute as ever…she got a bath this past weekend!   She wasn’t happy about that!!!

So life is moving nicely..and things are going well!

January Check in and a Weigh in!

 January is in the books and it is time to look at how I did in January and look forward to what I am going to be doing in February.  I have to say, when I was looking at my stats and what I did, I was pleasantly surprised.  I was expecting the worst, but it was actually pretty good!

Exercise 

I nailed my exercise!  Sure there is always room for improvement but I did quite well!  So lets see what I did!

*I was able to complete quite a  few mornings of exercise videos (thank you YouTube). They were each about 30 minutes in length

* I rode my exercise bike 28 of 31 days in January. My mileage for my bike was 117.28 miles. 

* I walked an average of 4500 steps each day (about 1500 steps above my average for December). 

* I was able to complete 188.23 miles toward my 2024 challenge!  I have about 20 extra miles banked for a rainy day!

* I had two personal trainers....but they weren't too interested in my exercise!

Word of the Week

    I utilized my word of the week each week.  Two of the weeks were the same word, but the next three weeks were different.  I opened my day planner and a different word just came to me, so I rolled with it! Each word turned out to be absolutely perfect for what I was going through, feeling and experiencing!

   Here are my words of the week!

    *Week one - Control

    *Week Two - Control

    *Week Three - Fortitude

    * Week Four - Just Do it

    * Week 5 - Drive

Healthy Habits

I did fabulous on my tracking!  I tracked each day.  I pulled my information into my day planner.  I was amazing with tracking.  What I wasn't amazing with was water consumption!  I averaged about 50 (being generous here) ounces a day.   I was very cognizant of my water, it just didn't segue from something I kew I had to do, into a habit!  My calories were in line for most days!   That is exactly what I want, most days.  I am not seeking perfection.  I am looking for sustainability! 

Weigh In

I was so happy to see that my weight was down by 6 pounds!   I'll take it!  It's been fluctuating greatly for most of the month and only this week really seemed to settle!    Sure, I would like it to be more, but 6 pounds is respectable! I had to sit back and think about how much 6 pounds equals for a full year.  That is 72 pounds for a year!  That wee little 6 pounds that I was boo-hooing about?   That adds up to an impressive number!!!  6 pounds?  I'll take it gladly!

Plans for February

So what am I planning for February?
**Track my food!

**DRINK WATER

**Continue the Word of the Week

**Eat Slow  (slow is a no for acid reflux!)

**Continue to limit my carbs

**Focus on being healthy....and not stress about the number on the scale!

**Catch the rogue mouse that is running wild through our house!   WE have traps, but this little sucker is wiley and is outsmarting us!!!

The month is wide open.  I can make it whatever I want it to be!  I am choosing successful!

 

 

Slow and No

​How has it been four weeks since the beginning of the year!!  The month of January is almost over!  And as is typical, it’s been crazy busy!

I have been really focusing on trying to not sink into despair at things that are going on in my life.  I’m trying to not allow myself to sink into the fog of depression that has hovered over me for the last year or so.  It’s difficult.  But I’m really trying!

I feel that for a lot of my month in terms of health and weight loss that I have been successful.  I  have been working to get in my exercise and my miles for the 2024 challenge.   Most days are a solid victory.  I’m good with that.  I have tracked religiously in MFP and I carry it over to my day ones.  Why do I do that?  I want to have everything and all my stats gathered in one place and easy to see.  So in my day planner I keep track of my food and I notate my calories.  I notate my daily weight.  I keep track of my minutes that I do an exercise video…my exercise bike miles and my steps.   I do keep track of what days I take vitamins and my protonix (for the acid reflux).  And my water.    

I also have been tracking how fast I’m eating my food…and even more importantly how I feel after eating…did I get a bad case of acid reflux, or none at all.   I’ve been finding that without medicine that if I eat slow…like so slow that my food gets cold, that I can mark my meal as SLOW and NO.  Meaning I ate slow and had no ‘reflux’!  I like slow and no!  

I can’t wait to look at my full month of stats  for January…as soon as I have the full month of stats!   And then on to February! 

Right now I’m looking at goals and plans for  February to be mostly the same as January.

  1.  Track food and acid reflux

2.  Continue  to knock out my miles…and bank some extras!

3.  Drink my warer

4.  Focus on being happy and not dwelling on the negative!

Every day and every month is a new opportunity to excel!

And a pic of me while I wait for mom in her hospital room!

Word of the......

 I have always loved the concept of the word of the week.  It seems like such an amazing idea.  Except that I always forget it.  I always get bogged down.  I sometimes think that the word isn't appropriate later in the year.  It just doesn't seem to work for me! Maybe my word should be committed since I obviously have issues with long term commitment!

Except that a few years ago the word WAS committed!  I was so ready and committed!  I even went as far as printing up pictures for the wall.  I was going to do it!  And I failed with the commitment on the year of being committed!

This year I fell into the trap of thinking that it was a great idea again!  I wanted to do it!  I wanted to jump on the bandwagon.  But I knew that it wasn't for me!  So I didn't!  Instead I decided to have a word of the week!  I wasn't sure how well it would work but I was determined to try it!

When I had been briefly contemplating the word of the year I had thought about the word "control"  because it just seemed apropos for me because I so need to get control!  Therefore, when I made my plan to have a word of the week it was easy to decide my word for the first week!  Control!  I put it at the top of my day planner.  

I am in my day planner each day as I am keeping track of my food intake in my dayplanner.  (Yes I use MyFitnessPal, but I put it in my day planner and add things about how I felt afterward...how fast I ate, etc to try to get a handle on the GERD)    I also track my bike miles, exercise, steps, vitamin and pill intake amongst other random things. So it is the perfect place for me to see the word of the week multiple times of the week!   

On week two I started my new week's page in my day planner and I knew that control was still the word that I needed to focus on!  So I colored it in on that week also.

I was perfectly fine with keeping control as my word for another week. Seriously, if my word remained as control for the whole year, I would have no issue!   But when the third week of the year began and I flipped to the new pages on my day planner control was not at all what I was thinking.  The only word that was in my head was fortitude!  Well that was easy.....fortitude was the word of the week!   I got to coloring!  (I apologize for the blurry pic)

Today I started week 4 of the year and as I do every Monday, I turned the page to a new week in my planner ready to start the new week.  I sat there for a few seconds.  Fortitude no longer felt even remotely like it was the correct word for the week.  Control?  Well that didn't feel wrong but it just didn't feel like it fit.  The only thing that kept coming up in my mind was the phrase. "Just Do It"  But it's a word of the week, not a phrase right?   Could I put in Nike as my word because of their slogan. (Is that even still their slogan?)   But no, using Nike as my word of the week was nonsense!   But my mind kept saying "do it...do it....do it!"  So my word of the week is a phrase!

This word of the week thing is working for me.  It is allowing me to focus on what I need at that exact moment!   Yes, I think control may end up being  the 'theme' of the year.  But my word for each week will be whatever fits for my life, emotions and physical being that exact week!

Thank you to everyone that thought about me, prayed for me and asked about my colonoscopy that I wrote about the other day.   Jason and I made it safely to my appointment.  The back roads were horrid, but the interstate was much better (and got better the further north we went as they had less snow....and the drive home was much better as the storm had moved onward).

The test went well.  The doctor said I was as cleaned out as they came...perfect prep.   I also received a good report. An excellent report actually!  What a relief!  I do have a pocket of diverticulosis.  The doctor was not concerned about it at all and said it will most likely never cause me any issues and if it did we would worry about it then.  He did recommend a high fiber diet to keep my colon in good shape and to help keep me from getting diverticulitis. Which goes in line with how I SHOULD and TRY to eat anyway! 

Two Day Fast

​I have been fasting for two days.   It is not in conjunction with weight loss efforts, but I will gladly accept any weight loss.   Even though this fast has been for medical reasons, I have had some thoughts come into my head in relation to food.

Let me start by saying that this period of no food has been in preparation for a colonoscopy.   I have been long overdue for having one.  My  father died of colo-rectal cancer in 2017.  I should have run with all haste to have a colonoscopy when he was diagnosed.  I should have not put it off or at least done it in honor of him when he died.  Yet here I am over 5 years since his death and FINALLY getting one done.  The hesitancy is a combination of a few things.  First, I don’t like to go to the doctor and  secondly I’ve heard the horror stories of the prep for the procedure. But thirdly, I’m afraid of the results. No know…silly to ignore it!  But I’m doing it now…today in fact.

So I have been in prep mode now for a while.   I actually decided to try to make it easier on myself.  On Wednesday I ate really lightly.  My calories were low…I ate minimaly.  I figured the less food in my body the better right???  

So Wednesday dinner was my last meal.   Friday dinner after this test will be my next meal.  That is a 48 hour fast.  Ok, maybe it hasn’t been a total fast.   I drank a can or two of 7-up and I did have about a cup of jello in the 48 hour period.    But seriously, that’s so little we may as well call it a 48 hour fast.  And do you know what?  It hasn’t been bad I never had to dip into the popcicles or Italian Ice that I had in the freezer.

I actually wasn't  worried about the fasting part.  I knew that I would be fine.  My husband seemed more worried about that for me.  But it posed no problem.  However, the thoughts in my head were enlightening!

It actually wasn’t even a challenge to not eat.   I wasn’t gnawing at the kitchen cabinets or anything wanting to eat.  I was content without food.  Didn’t really miss it.  Isn’t that crazy?  Now that’s not saying that I won’t be ready to eat when the procedure is behind me!  But I wasn’t desperate for food at any time during the last few days.  Not on the day of minima/light eating and not yesterday on my liquid diet day.  Interesting…hmmm

The biggest revelation for me though was the thoughts in my head.   The habit to go grab something was strong.  And I was able to realize that it wasn’t hunger but literally a ‘nothing to do so may as well eat’ thought.

The best way to describe this mental thought is to talk about what happened when the power went out.  I was working and the power went out.  It ended up being out for about 2 hours.   I used the time to sit quietly in the living room and read.   Over and over my head told me to ‘go get a few pretzels to eat while you read’. Or ‘some grapes would be great while I’m reading’.  I never felt hunger…it was a boredom thing.  With the enforcement of my fast (or close to a fast) for the colonoscopy prep I couldn’t eat and it cleared my brain to realize that the thoughts/need/desire for food was simply that.  Boredom.

I don’t know what I am/can do with this newfound knowledge.  But hopefully I can remember it whenever that urge to ‘go grab a pretzel’ hits in the future.

Meanwhile, it’s snowing…so we will be leaving for my test a bit early.   Wish me luck! (With the roads and with the results)

Slow Down Already

​This  past week has been insane!   It’s been crazy at work.  Life has been nuts (as always) and…well I’m just plodding on one day at a time!

Work is nuts.  I work in the pharmaceutical field and with patient assistance programs.  The new year means reenrollment season.   Cray-zee!  There have been days where I’ve actually made the remark, ‘I didn’t even have time to get a drink of water’.   I know that eventually things will peak and it will right itself, but right now we are still getting busier and busier.

Yesterday was supposed to be my endoscopy..to see if there is any damage from the unchecked acid reflux.  I got a call on Monday or Tuesday from the doctor’s office.  My insurance decided to deny the prior authorization because I haven’t tried the meds for 8 weeks and subsequently fail them.  I laughed because I’ve been on the meds for over three months and haven’t experienced any difference from my symptoms.  The doctor’s office said they were going to do an appeal/peer to peer review.  On Thursday they let me know that my insurance denied that also as the test not being medically necessary.   So my test on Friday was cancelled. I imagine that the doctor will try again later this year?  I guess.   

My colonoscopy is still on for next Friday.  That is the one I’m dreading.  Not for the procedure, I’m dreading the prep!     And I have a barium swallow at the end of the month that I’m assuming will be a go with my insurance.

It makes me angry though.  I am paying through the nose for the insurance.  I have the top tier/best insurance my company has to offer.   Grrr. Oh well.  It wasn’t meant to be at this time.

I’ve been doing really good with my 2024 miles in 2024.  Today may be the first day I don’t get my necessary miles for the day.  But I will be short by less than a half mile.  I have been over every other day this far…so I’ve been banking miles….not a lot, but I’ve been banking a little extra every other day.   I know that I’m probably not going to get my miles in on my colonoscopy day…so I need those extra miles!  

My weight has been fluctuating within a four pound range.  Literally one day I’ll be at the top end of the range and the next at the bottom only to be back up the next day.  I want to see the numbers dropping, and they aren’t.  So that means I have to make a few adjustments to my eating.   I have to find the magic formula for my body to lose at this time in my life. So adjust I will!

Meanwhile, Zoe had a rough morning this week!  I found her like this.  She wasn’t fighting.  She wasn’t moving a muscle.  I moved from side to side and she would slowly turn her head…in the box to track my voice!   I have a video on my YouTube channel and it makes me laugh  every time I see it!!

18 years and a Thank You

 I had been planning on posting this tomorrow…because in my mind I thought that my blogiversary was on January 6th.  But when I decided to go back to read the first post….well how wrong I was.  My blogiversary is actually on January 5th!

​18 years ago I decided to create a journal of my efforts to lose weight and I decided to do it on an online journal, a blog. The first post was simple.  It didn’t have grand plans.  I didn’t wax eloquent about my goals.  I simply wrote two paragraphs about my desire to get serious.   By that time I had already lost about 50 pounds and I was stalled (ironically enough at the same weight I have been at recently).    I wrote for the first few months; if not years for myself.  I knew that it was a public forum but I had no illusions that anyone would ever read my words.  Imagine my surprise to start getting comments!  I also had no clue that I would meet some fabulous people through this forum, people that I call dear friends.   I had no idea that 18 years later that I would be writing my 2,566th post as a blogiversary post.

Those first posts were sometimes lame (I’ve gone back and read this whole thing a few times so I’m being honest when I say lame and boring) but they are a great view of my triumphs and failures. Through this blog  I have been at highest weights.

And I have been at my lowest.

But this website has been so much more than 2566 posts.

I have written and gained knowledge about weight loss and fitness.  And I wrote about it in posts about Zumba.  I was even featured in the newspaper regarding my love of Zumba.  I was so happy when I made lifetime with weight watchers and I couldn’t wait to share it on here.  I shared my desire and quest to become a runner.  It wasn’t an easy process but I shared it all and I celebrated on here when I set a personal record.

It wasn’t all victory though.  I have tried to remain transparent and honest.  I’ve shared the lows (and oh have there been lows!). However painful and embarrassing, I have religiously shared them!   But through the years, I started to share more of my life.  I realized that simply talking about my struggle to not eat or my victories needed to be seen in a larger context that included aspects from my life.   So I shared my life with things like my experiences with a crumbling marriage and divorce.   I happily shared aspects of my ‘courtship’ with Jason.  I shared my struggles with my mom’s ongoing health and my father’s death. I have written about my elopement to the love of my life, Jason.   And I’ve even shared our pets!  The weight loss story is all encompassing.  Life happens and it affects our weight and our weight loss efforts so years ago I decided to share  it all!  It serves as a record my memories and accounting of this lifelong journey but it is also my accountability!

So to you, anyone that reads this blog/website; I say thank you.   Thank you from the bottom of my heart.   Your presence here was a surprise at first, I had no clue anyone would ever read this.  But I’m grateful that you found me.  You have offered me friendship,  accountability and your wisdom.  And words can’t describe how appreciative I am for each of you. 

I’m heading into year 19 of blogging. It’s insane to think about having being doing this for so long,  but I’m as determined as ever to continue writing.  It’s good for my soul!

Control

 The last couple days one word has been coming up time and time again for me as I work on getting my weight loss journey moving again. At first I ignored it...but after a bunch of times of this word popping up, I decided it was time to sit back and listen. Right?

What is this word?  The word is control.

The first time the word came up was while I was watching a YouTube video that was posted by a gal that is working to lose weight. In her video she was talking about how she was in control and how it felt good.  It made me sit back and think about when I last felt in control of my eating.  It was a while and I well remember how amazing I felt.  It was so empowering!   I smiled at the memory and thought about getting that feeling back.   I thought about it enough that I filmed a clip for my YouTube channel about the word control!   In that clip I talked about control and that empowering feeling. In that same clip I also talked about how I had succumbed to stress eating.

Weirdly enough, I had a comment before I even posted my clip about how my word of the year should be control.  Hmmmm

And then this morning. I stepped on the scale and saw that my weight was up.  I was frustrated as I stood in the shower.  It is hard, seeing a gain makes me want to give up.  But I stopped and told myself. NO!  Get control of yourself.  (Yes, I said it out loud too!).   I thought about that clip I had filmed, and I realized that even the stress eating was me LOSING control.  Crazy!    Immediately I was stuck on the word control, and I knew that I HAD to make control my word of the..........

Nope, I've done a word of the year before.  I jumped on the bandwagon a few times over the years.  Most recently in 2020, my word of the year was Committed.  I remembered the word for a few days...but I always forget it. It becomes a thing of the past. So, it really does no good for me!   But, while I was in the shower this morning I thought that maybe, just maybe I could do a word of the week.  It could change and adjust to where I was in my life journey/weight loss journey/etc.   I decided that my word of the week would be written on the top page of each week in my dayplanner/journal.   I could reuse words.  Maybe control would be the word the whole year through. But maybe control would only be my focus for a week....or a month...or a half of year.   

So that is what I did....I have added the word in bold red and I'm ready to live that word this week!

New Year New Behavior

​This is the year of change.  It’s the year of changing my behavior.  It’s the year of changing the trajectory of my life.  It’s the year to take care of my health.  It’s the year to take control of my health.  It my year.

Fixing the depressive cloud is paramount on my list of changes for 2024.  I’m not exactly sure how to fix this.  Emotions are a funny thing.  But I’m vowing to be as present and active as possible in whatever changes are necessary to bringing back happiness into my life.

I am now 51 years old.  I worry more and more each year (each day) about my health.  I’ve been overweight for most of my life.   I’ve been lucky most of my adult life with good health. I’m lucky, because I’m considered morbidly obese.   In the last year I have seen and heard about people in their fifties dying..heart attacks, cancer and all other sorts of illnesses!  Did you catch those two points…these people are in their fifties…and I am in my fifties!   Humbling!

I can’t change genetics.  I can’t change some things. I mean, my father died from cancer which puts me at a higher risk.   I can’t change that.  But I can take the proper precautions…and this year I am finally getting my colonoscopy.  (It’s scheduled).  I’m determined actually take care of my health, and for that means being more diligent about preventative tests and doctors appointments versus my previous attitude of ‘I’ll get to it tomorrow, next week or even next year’

 What I can change is my weight and my fitness levels.  This is a new year and I’m determined to make and maintain the changes necessary for a lifelong change.  It will theoretically help the GERD.  It will theoretically help the pain in my knees and feet (it did the last time I lost weight).  And it will enable me to live my life more fully!

I’ve been doing this weight loss thing a long time (kind of embarrassing really) so I know what needs to be done.  

-exercise/movement

-water consumption

-keep calorie intake in line

-track my food and efforts

Seems simplistic, but it’s quite difficult.

I joined a 2024 miles in 2024. I have done these on a few previous years.  It requires me to propel myself about 6 miles a day.   I’m a planner so I’m already thinking about banking some extra miles for ‘those days’.  Those days are the ones where I may be sick, or injured,  or just not feeling it!   It is for those days that I am already scheduled for tests.  (Endoscopy, colonoscopy, and barium swallow and my routines will be totally disrupted).   So on New Year’s Day I was on the exercise bike at 6am!   

I’m slowing making the changes so that I can see a change in my life!  It isn’t going to be a fast change…but change is coming!

The Close of a Year and the start of a new one

​I for one am ready to say good riddance to 2023.  It’s been a crazy year….and full of stress and angst.  I can honestly say that the year has flown by though!  For this post, I’m not going to focus on the bad, the depression, the hardships and stress.  This is all about the positive, the good and the hopes for the future!

2023 in a nutshell

We started the year with Jason still healing from his run in with the axe.  I enjoyed having him in the house while I worked.  It was nice to have someone to chit chat with on my breaks/lunches.   It was also fantastic to have him home after work versus having to wait 2.5 hours after I get off work for him to get home.    However, when he went back to work it was a sigh of relief to have the return of his income after 6 months of being off work!

In January we got a dog.   Jason had told me from the very beginning of our relationship that he wanted to someday get another Newfoundland. 2023 was the year.  She was so cute and was 30 pounds when we got her!

She takes a LOT of time…lots of walks outside and lots of play time.  And she grew….she is now about 100 pounds and still growing.

We were able to get in some hiking, but not too much due to Jason’s injury and having a young dog.  (Recommendation is to not exercise Newfies too long or too hard in the first year of their life due to growth plates and joint development).    But we still got in some hiking.

We powered through the summer with push mowing our property again and we planted a small garden (bigger one coming in 2024).  And we finally got our barn painted!

It wasn’t a year full of crazy fun things…but we were busy!

Looking into 2024

I am looking forward to 2024.  I have not totally adopted the ‘I’ll start in 2024’ mentality.   I have started to watch my eating and been working to get back into the habit of tracking my food.  I have not recommenced with any exercise plan.  I was set to start and hurt my foot.  I limped around for a good week or so.  It still gives me twinges of pain but it is much better and if I watch what I do (low impact) I should be ok to start soon!

I have a slew of medical tests set for January.   I’m nervous about the results.  But am heading into them confident that all will work out.  One step toward taking care of me!

I’m not setting any fabulous goals and resolutions for 2024.  But I do have some plans and dreams for 2024.   Of course…get healthy is the biggest plan for the year.   I know what I would LIKE to lose in 2024. I know where I would like to be at the end of the year.  But I am not setting goals to be there.  I’m just saying that I am going to work to make 2024 my year to move toward those goals!  

So yes, exercise, tracking my food, exercise,  drinking my water…all of those healthy habits will be on the agenda for 2024.

The ONLY serious goal that I am setting for myself is to complete the goal of propelling myself 2024 miles in the year 2024.  I have done this in previous years and it really pushes me!  I don’t like to fall behind in my mileage!  One year I was done with my miles by September!  I have also challenged Jason to a mileage challenge.   We haven’t pounded out the reward yet…but a good friendly competition is always motivating for me.   (Hopefully he steps up to my challenge).     The goal of 2024 miles (bike, walk, run, swim, row…any miles count) is a good one for me…it keeps me focused and active!

I don’t know what 2024 will bring.  I don’t expect the depressive cloud to disappear overnight. But I am determined to focus on making me the healthiest and happiest version possible in 2024!

Why wait

​I don’t even know what to say.   I feel like a broken record when I talk about how difficult life has been lately.   I want to write cheery posts.  I want to write about fabulous stuff, yet it seems as if we are in a period of our lives where things are just…..difficult.  We just keep getting bombarded with more drama and trauma.  We are surviving it together, hand in hand. But my word, it’s stressful.

Some of what is going on is not my stories to tell so I won’t go into it here. What I will talk about is where I am at with some of the things that are my personal stuff…which I’m an open book so I will share.

My Health

A few months ago I wrote about how I ended up in the ER and was diagnosed with GERD.  I wrote about how due to poor/incorrect advice from my then family doctor that it had been unchecked and not managed for quite a few years.  I read up on it, found a new family doctor and I’ve been trying to manage it on my own for a while.  The medicine really doesn’t seem to help but I’ve been pretty good about tracking my food in my daily planner and actually tracking my symptom after I eat.   For example, I can do my cheerios for breakfast and no sign of a cough.  Same with a PB&j sandwich for lunch.  Two pieces of pizza one night was symptom free, but three pieces the next week gave me the coughs!  My Thanksgiving meal with Jason’s parents I was ok, but when I ate the leftovers I was not.    The takeaway this far?  It’s not as contingent upon WHAT I eat, but rather how much I eat and how fast I am eating it.  Sure, Italian foods (acidic tomatoey stuff) is also a bit more problematic…but I ate pizza and with a smaller amount I was ok.

So yesterday I had my first appointment with the gastroenterologists.  As I expected, they want to do an endoscopy to see if there is any damage due to this having been left unchecked for a few years.  They want to do a barium swallow to see exactly what is happening.   I am still on the protonix….but we have adjusted the protocol of how I am taking it.  I told the doctor flat out that medicine long term is not something I want and he told me that he agreed and would be happiest the day that I walked out of his office with no medic w prescribed.

Of course he can say that….he knows that my father passed away from colo-rectal cancer and that means that I will be a lifetime patient to get colonoscopies.   Of course I am scheduled for my first colonoscopy now too. 

Mental Health

My mental health is up and down.  Some days I feel on top of it.  I feel as if I can handle this thing called life.  But quite a few days I feel overwhelmed and lost.   The same stressors that I have been dealing with for the last months hit regularly and it doesn’t take much to push me into a ‘sad day’ where I am fighting the tears constantly…and where I struggle to put one foot in front of the other.  But I’m pushing through.  This dark and difficult period in life will pass….right?

Weight

It’s ugly!   So very ugly!   Ok, it could be worse, I haven’t gained weight.   But I’m not losing!    I shouldn’t be upset though.  It’s not like I’ve really put forth any great effort!   I mean seriously, have I tracked anything for calories?  Nope (I write down my food in my planner and write symptoms but I don’t carry it to counting calories).  Do I drink enough water each day?   Not really.  Some days I do better than others!   Exercise?  Ha, as if!

I want to lose!  I want to lose weight badly! I see the health issues around me (which is some of current craziness in life) and I know that my weight puts me at greater risk for bad health issues!   And let’s be serious, losing weight could possible fix my whole GERD issue.   I’m tired of hurting…because carrying around this extra weight is rough on the body!   I know I need to lose!

So obviously we know what my New Year’s resolution would be.  Hahahah.  But I’m not waiting for New Years.  Now is the time.   I started tracking my food….for caloric consumption as well as for GERD symptoms.  I haven’t started exercise yet, but I have taken steps to prepare for it (fresh batteries in the remote to turn on the tv….made sure my exercise area was cleaned).

I am planning on trying for the 2024 miles in 2024. I haven’t signed up for any official ‘race’…and I waffle back and forth about being official or doing it rogue on my own.   Time will tell!  :-)

I am going to make 2024 my year!!!

Life is tough right now.  I cry more often than not.  I’m sad a lot of the time.   But I’m not going to let life win! I have a lot worth fighting for.  Just look at this picture and it’s obvious that I have a lot to fight for!  :-)

Time Flies

​how has it been a month since I last wrote anything?  It feels like yesterday!  I wish I could say that I was doing fantastic and had dropped weight, was always happy and felt confident in my job.  But I can’t.

My job.  What to say?  I am thankful to have a job.  I am so very grateful.   They have laid off people.  My team is a trial.   I am made to feel like I can’t to anything right.   The stress of that gets me flustered and that just causes me to make errors….a vicious cycle.   

I remain stressed about a few aspects of life. Can anyone say finances?   Jason being off work for six months with no pay really hurt it’s going to take quite a while to recover.

My health.   I am on protonic for acid reflux.  It doesn’t seem to help.  Some meals are worse.  Some things don’t seem to affect me.   I mean, my morning bowl of cereal doesn’t affect me!   But a girl can’t live on cheerios alone can she?   I also seem to be good with a pb&j sandwich at lunch….only the sandwich.  Adding anything to it is a crap shoot to the appearance of ‘the flux’.   I have decided to add a bit of probiotics to my life.   Maybe my gut health is playing a part in this mess.   So far no change.  Honestly, am I eating too much?  Am I eating too fast?  I’m trying to curb how much I eat and how fast…but I find myself shoveling food in.  It’s a bad habit that is proving hard to break.  I have an appointment in about 2 weeks with a gastroenterologist.  I needed to go anyway to have a colonoscopy (my dad died of colo-rectal cancer).   But one of the main topics of discussion at that appointment will be the GERD diagnosis and acid reflux.  Jason made a comment a few days ago…and it’s not something that I haven’t thought….he said ‘I’m wondering if you were misdiagnosed’. Since the medication isn’t touching it, it does make one wonder.  So I’m just waiting for the appointment with the specialist.

My weight.   Exactly the same.   I dropped weight the week after I was at the ER.  I felt so miserable I could t eat…and didn’t eat for about 3 days…and then for the next week I only at about 300-600 calories a day.  And I lost weight.  I was looking fabulous on the scales.  The following week I got back to it and ate between 1200-1500 calories and my weight went right back to the ‘unhappy happy weight’ that I am stuck at.   It is super frustrating!    I’m not giving up…tracking my food (for the Flux as well as for weight loss.  And I have vowed that I will get back to my daily workouts.  This journey to lose weight is so difficult.

So that’s where I am at…my angst and worries in life.   November flew by and I can’t imagine December will be any different.  

A New Doctor

 ​I actually for the first time ever was a bit excited and ready to go to the doctor.   Yes, I hate to go to the doctor!  But I was looking forward to it and ready.

I was trying out a new doctor.  Technically, I was trying out a nurse practitioner.   The office was quite laid back with everyone wearing shorts and jeans.   Was that because it was Friday?  Was it in deference to the upcoming holiday?  Or was that the normal dress code.  I’m unsure.  But who cares what people are wearing, I’m there for the knowledge in their heads.   The NP was a bit older than I, and she had pink hair.  Once again, a Halloween thing or a normal thing? Not sure.

This office was also appalled that I had been told by a previous doctor, to ignore the acid reflux since it was a ‘silent’ and none severe case.  We have adjusted my meds to a ‘long term’ medication.   However, the NP is very aware that I do not plan on being on meds all my life…and that my goal is to manage this naturally and she is behind that goal   I knew that meds were going to be a thing for the near future so I didn’t fuss.    I know we have to figure out exactly what is happening and need it under control in the meantime.

She has ordered a barium swallow test of some sort (I have it on my paperwork in the other room) to start to try to figure out exactly what is happening.  What is causing my cough and throat clearing after I eat.  (And of course whatever that is ultimately caused the flare up that landed me in the ER).  That test may solve that mystery.  However, she predicts that it will simply be the guidance needed for the follow up tests that will be ordered by the gastroenterologist that she is recommending that I visit.  The other reason for the referral is the fact that she wants me to see a specialist since this acid reflux has been left unchecked and we need to see if it has caused any damage.  

We talked about my cholesterol (it was slightly high at 215), my blood pressure (always high at the doctor, but always normal at home checks) and   we talked about the calcium spot on my lung (that was discovered when I had X-rays  after my accident on the bike a few years back.). Unlike my previous doctor, she scoured the paperwork and information provided by that urgent care facility and radiologist and she picked up on a wee little line about some degeneration of my spine and added that to my clinical notes.  We talked about my weight and how I feel as if I am beating my head against the wall in a futile effort to lose weight.     All of these things will be addressed in the future.  When I brought up my weight (she was not the one that brought it up…I did) she readily admitted that most of my issues would be eradicated with weight loss.   I know that historically when I drop the weight my cholesterol drops, my blood pressure regulated, my arthritic knees feel better.   And weight loss would also help this acid reflux thing.

I just had chest X-rays at the hospital the other week so the spot on the lung is a simple thing of comparing the X-rays to make sure the spot didn’t grow (which would indicate some unchecked infection in my body). So that will be an easy check once she has my records and X-rays from both places.

However, we are not working on my weight together right now.  Of course she wants me to continue trying.  But at this time our one and only focus through doctor visits is the acid reflux/GERD.  Mainly because of the long term damage it can be doing to my body.   She doesn’t want to introduce any new meds or greatly different routines to my body at this time…not until we get a handle on the reflux.

She did recommend adding fish oil..for the cholesterol…to try to combat it naturally.  She also recommended that along with my daily protonix pill for the acid reflux that I add in an allergy pill.  (Zyrtec, Allegra, Claritin) since my acid reflux really doesn’t seem to be all day..and only after meals…certain meals.  She said my acid reflux may be caused by an allergy.  

So I am heading down a path of tests to solve the mysteries.  Medicated for the time being, but with the blessing of the doctor heading toward a more natural solution!

Weight loss….I’m still going full steam ahead with trying to lose weight.   I restarted my exercise today!