Why wait

​I don’t even know what to say.   I feel like a broken record when I talk about how difficult life has been lately.   I want to write cheery posts.  I want to write about fabulous stuff, yet it seems as if we are in a period of our lives where things are just…..difficult.  We just keep getting bombarded with more drama and trauma.  We are surviving it together, hand in hand. But my word, it’s stressful.

Some of what is going on is not my stories to tell so I won’t go into it here. What I will talk about is where I am at with some of the things that are my personal stuff…which I’m an open book so I will share.

My Health

A few months ago I wrote about how I ended up in the ER and was diagnosed with GERD.  I wrote about how due to poor/incorrect advice from my then family doctor that it had been unchecked and not managed for quite a few years.  I read up on it, found a new family doctor and I’ve been trying to manage it on my own for a while.  The medicine really doesn’t seem to help but I’ve been pretty good about tracking my food in my daily planner and actually tracking my symptom after I eat.   For example, I can do my cheerios for breakfast and no sign of a cough.  Same with a PB&j sandwich for lunch.  Two pieces of pizza one night was symptom free, but three pieces the next week gave me the coughs!  My Thanksgiving meal with Jason’s parents I was ok, but when I ate the leftovers I was not.    The takeaway this far?  It’s not as contingent upon WHAT I eat, but rather how much I eat and how fast I am eating it.  Sure, Italian foods (acidic tomatoey stuff) is also a bit more problematic…but I ate pizza and with a smaller amount I was ok.

So yesterday I had my first appointment with the gastroenterologists.  As I expected, they want to do an endoscopy to see if there is any damage due to this having been left unchecked for a few years.  They want to do a barium swallow to see exactly what is happening.   I am still on the protonix….but we have adjusted the protocol of how I am taking it.  I told the doctor flat out that medicine long term is not something I want and he told me that he agreed and would be happiest the day that I walked out of his office with no medic w prescribed.

Of course he can say that….he knows that my father passed away from colo-rectal cancer and that means that I will be a lifetime patient to get colonoscopies.   Of course I am scheduled for my first colonoscopy now too. 

Mental Health

My mental health is up and down.  Some days I feel on top of it.  I feel as if I can handle this thing called life.  But quite a few days I feel overwhelmed and lost.   The same stressors that I have been dealing with for the last months hit regularly and it doesn’t take much to push me into a ‘sad day’ where I am fighting the tears constantly…and where I struggle to put one foot in front of the other.  But I’m pushing through.  This dark and difficult period in life will pass….right?

Weight

It’s ugly!   So very ugly!   Ok, it could be worse, I haven’t gained weight.   But I’m not losing!    I shouldn’t be upset though.  It’s not like I’ve really put forth any great effort!   I mean seriously, have I tracked anything for calories?  Nope (I write down my food in my planner and write symptoms but I don’t carry it to counting calories).  Do I drink enough water each day?   Not really.  Some days I do better than others!   Exercise?  Ha, as if!

I want to lose!  I want to lose weight badly! I see the health issues around me (which is some of current craziness in life) and I know that my weight puts me at greater risk for bad health issues!   And let’s be serious, losing weight could possible fix my whole GERD issue.   I’m tired of hurting…because carrying around this extra weight is rough on the body!   I know I need to lose!

So obviously we know what my New Year’s resolution would be.  Hahahah.  But I’m not waiting for New Years.  Now is the time.   I started tracking my food….for caloric consumption as well as for GERD symptoms.  I haven’t started exercise yet, but I have taken steps to prepare for it (fresh batteries in the remote to turn on the tv….made sure my exercise area was cleaned).

I am planning on trying for the 2024 miles in 2024. I haven’t signed up for any official ‘race’…and I waffle back and forth about being official or doing it rogue on my own.   Time will tell!  :-)

I am going to make 2024 my year!!!

Life is tough right now.  I cry more often than not.  I’m sad a lot of the time.   But I’m not going to let life win! I have a lot worth fighting for.  Just look at this picture and it’s obvious that I have a lot to fight for!  :-)

The Healthy Journey: it’s not all food and exercise

Welcome to Monday!   I can’t say as though I am happy to welcome Monday though.  Why do the weekends go by so fast?   I even had off work on Friday and it  still felt as if I blinked and the weekend was over!!!   In terms of my health, it was a bit of a failure, if we look only at food and exercise.  However,  I had the exact kind of weekend that I needed and it was good for my health.  Yes a bad food and exercise weekend was actually a good weekend for a healthy lifestyle.

I had an amazing time with my mother on Friday   My shopping expedition was quite successful.   It was one of those days when I was able to easily and quickly find clothes that fit nicely and that I also liked!  I bought 3 new nightgowns, three pairs of shorts, two shirts that are strictly for work, 5 shirts that are good for weekends AND workdays, and about 5 new casual teeshirts that I can wear for casual or use as a base layer with dress clothes.   Quite successful!  Even better it was a delightful day with my mom!!!  We went to lunch and while I did eat a nice healthy salad, I also had a cheeseburger and tater tots.  What started as a healthy meal went downhill!   Dinner wasn’t all that much better.  

Saturday we woke up and headed out for a short hike.   Of course we were hunting mushrooms again!

We left there and went south. We had grand plans to hike in the mountains.  We found our hotel and checked in with plans to head to the mountain trails within Shenandoah National Park.  We sat down for a few minutes and just like that I was asleep!  I eventually woke up and shortly thereafter Jason was sound asleep!  We certainly didn’t plan on sleeping and relaxing the afternoon away, but it was just what we needed!   Dinner was....deliciously bad!!!

Sunday we were definitely going to go hiking!  We woke up ready to hike....until we saw the rain.  Drat!!! We didn’t hike.   We moseyed around and slowly made our way home, stopping at a few places along the way. (And by mid afternoon it was actually sunny.)

And yes, even old graveyards got explored!  

We had some great conversations about life and our respective jobs.  We talked a lot about where we are and where we want to go in life (in terms of employment...we know where we are going in life in general...hand in hand together!).  Once again, the weekend not what we planned ...but maybe it was just what we needed! (Even with the atrocious eating...because Sunday was just as bad as Saturday!!)

I have been having a problem with my right arm...the bicep area...when I move my arm (stretch it or actually use it to pull something)  it has been hurting.  (For quite a few weeks). I have been waiting for it to go away, but this weekend it flared up badly and hurt with most every movement and aches while I sat immobile. So this weekend I tried to not use my arm and worked to keep it mostly immobile!  It did help and I’m back to just hurting when I do those certain movements. Once again the change of plans was probably for the best...even if it wasn’t a change that we wanted!

I’m not even going to talk about my weight.  (It was up a bit this morning).  I was horrible this weekend.  I drank virtually no water (and woke up dying of thirst each night) and my food was not the greatest.  (I didn’t track, but might go back just to see what I did! Even though I know it will be ugly!).   But do you know what?  I am actually ok with it.  I needed a ‘vacation’ from it all.  We needed a weekend of sleep and rejuvenation.  We needed the long conversations about our employment and our future.  It was a weekend for mental health (and some early healing for my arm).  

This healthy journey is not just food and exercise, it is taking care of my whole body.....mind, muscles, and spirit.   Sometimes the journey to health is not about what I’m eating.  Sometimes the journey to health is not about what kind of exercise I do!  Sometimes this journey to health is about taking care of my mental health.  Sometimes the journey to health is about taking care of a sore arm.  Sometimes the journey to health is about sitting back and resting. And today, it’s back to lots of water drinking and keeping my calorie consumption low!