Wither Away

 

I would love to say that this past week was a rousing success.  I would love to say that I lost an amazing amount of weight.   I would love to say that my health efforts had been spot on.  I would be absolutely over the moon to be able to say that the elephant in the room, my mobility had improved.   I would love to tell you all that.   But I can’t.

I started this past week super focused and dedicated.  A coworker and I had been talking and she is big into fasting.  She has decided that she needed to lose weight by Thanksgiving, 10 pounds was her goal in 20 days.  And she was going to do it by fasting.   She and I had had this conversation before and I had been impressed with her losses from fasting a day or so here and there.  I had previously looked into fasting as a regular tool in my healthy living lifestyle.  I even read books on fasting.    And lastly, I tried fasting at that time. And it was a colossal failure then (you can read about that here.)   So why in the world would I decide to try fasting again.  Yes, I for some reason decided that I was going to fast again.  I was going to join my coworker on this thrust to lose mad pounds by Thanksgiving by fasting.  I wasn’t going to do the 2-3 day fasts that my coworker was doing, but I was going to follow the OMAD fasting schedule, one meal a day.  What could go wrong?    (I’m telling you; I had completely blanked out the previous experience.  There is no other explanation.)   EVERYTHING went wrong.   I got hungry during my fast and when that eating window opened, I descended upon food like there was no tomorrow.  I have always said “I can do a lot of damage in one hour of eating”.  Once again, I proved it.  My weight is UP on the scale after a few days of fasting.   NO MORE FASTING FOR ME!

So I had a failure with eating, surely exercise went better!   Except, that didn’t go any better either.   I started Monday so strong.  On my word was I on top of things.  I exercised at 5AM.    I even did a short 20-minute exercise video after work!    Twice in one day!  I was on top of it.  Nothing was going to stop me!   Tuesday, I started out right with another 5 AM exercise and then it went to hell in a hand basket! 

 It was about 7:30 and I was outside with the dog.  In the mornings I pick up her toys and straighten up things that were left out the previous day.  (I swear Jason has some type of attention deficit disorder, he will be in the middle of something and just walk away and let it lay when he moves on to a different project). We were also forecasted to get our first deep freeze.   Because of that, I wanted to get a few summer things put away, namely our hoses. So while the dog was on her lead (after the dog ran away at 5AM, I have not been brave enough to let her loose while I am home by myself and if truth be known, I haven’t let her outside without a leash while Jason is in the shower either!)

   So Zoey was rambling around on her lead while I flitted around the yard doing this and doing that.   I saw something across the yard that needed my attention so I stepped over Zoey’s lead.  I was very cognizant of doing it.  But she was just serenely watching the sky, so I knew that I had time to take that step over without any concern.   Except, that dog can go from zero to 60 in no time at all!  She saw something. (There was probably an airplane flying high over us leaving its jet trail.  You see, for some reason that infuriates this dog.)  Off she took running, while I was straddling her lead.  Next thing I knew, I was kissing the ground. I must have twisted when I dropped because my left knee was bruised and sore but it was my right upper side that took the brunt of the fall.  From my shoulder blade, up through my shoulder and down my arm it hurt.    It was bad enough that the first two nights after this happened, I struggled with sleep because of the pain.  It has diminished and I am starting to feel better.  BUT you know what that did to exercise!  From that point on, exercise didn’t happen.

So it was a week of failure in terms of my weight loss and healthy living efforts.    On Friday I spent the day with my oldest nephew at the Gettysburg Battlefield’s museum, film and cyclorama.  (Yes, we took pretty much the full day to do those things.) As we went through the museum we were talking, of course.  And of course we touched on my parents.   We touched on my mom in particular, and how much we miss her.  (She had a knack in later years for saying the rudest things to me, but she still loved me to no end and I loved her and I can see where her comments to me where frustration and unhappiness in her, especially after dad died.)   We talked about how when my nephew left to go to London for grad school that he resigned himself to the fact that his grandmother would likely pass away while he was gone.   And when he came back to the states how he was so shocked at her decline. (Those of us that were able to visit frequently didn’t see it as much because it was just a steady decline…but looking back it was a pretty big descent.)   We talked about that decline that was so visible to him after almost a year away. We talked a bit about the decline and if there could have been anything that could have been done to slow down that descent.  (We agreed that better physical therapy in the first home may have changed the outcome.  MAY.   But the PT at that home wasted so much time on inefficient therapy.   Seriously, for most of her time there, PT had mom lay in bed and do leg lifts and arm raises.    They didn’t have the manpower to actually get her out of bed to start walking….and didn’t dedicate that manpower until literally 2-3 weeks before her medicare paid time was up….when they realized that if they wanted to have a ‘success’ that they needed to get her walking.  So yes, I think she may have gone further if PT would have been more efficient at that first place she was at. IN fairness though, mom was in a reduced state of physical mobility before her stroke!     But The specialists at the hospital in Pittsburg where she was airlifted had seemed to think that she would make a full recovery….so who knows.  But I digress.   My nephew and I were talking about the decline and in my head, I realized that I am letting my health and fitness levels decline.  I recognize it.  I see it.  I know it’s not too late to change.  But, if I would have a stroke right now, I am already in a reduced situation in terms of my mobility.  I would be starting at a deficit, much like mom had.  Would I have the strength to overcome, or would I just slowly decline and wither away into …….

Long Fasts and Why the are not Good for Me

 There are people out there that swear by the longer fasting windows.  I just read the book Fast like a Girl that encourages longer fasts for more fat burning and cell rejuvenating benefits! (link for book....it was a good one!)  I understand the concepts and benefits.   I even think I could do it easily if I set my mind to it.  However, I have learned recently that it's just not for me.

So a month or so ago, I decided to try a longer fast.   It was a bit of a failure in that I didn't make the pie in the sky goal of 36 hours of fasting.  However, it was a victory in that I did make it 24 hours without fasting.  I was super proud of myself for the 24 hours and was so excited to see what would happen on the scales.  You an imagine my surprise when I stepped on the scales and found that I had GAINED weight!  Yes, you read that right.  24 hours without food and I showed a gain.  (You can read about the experience here.)  I was disillusioned by the experience, but vowed to try again.

Again, happened the other week when I had my Endoscopy (which I wrote about in my last post here.)  I was not allowed to eat after midnight, so when I was finished eating dinner the night before my procedure I was done until after my procedure the next day.  By the time I got done with the procedure it was late afternoon.  I knew that unless I was utterly miserably hungry that I would just wait until dinner. And lets be honest, I knew that I would be fine.   Thirsty, now that was a different story!  But thirst is not part of this post, so back to fasting and food.   I knew that I would be fine to wait for dinner at the normal hour. I had a super healthy dinner planned for us and I had made a cake that morning to go with dinner (since it was a Friday and I splurge on Fridays.  Plans were made and it was going to go great.   Except I was so tired and lazy feeling and I was getting hungry.  I wanted pizza!  I wanted wings!  I wanted it all!    And that is what we did.  We ordered wings and pizza.   And yes, I ate a half of pizza and half the order of wings!    No holds barred!  I hadn't eaten in 24 hours, I deserved that food!  At least that is what my brain was saying.  My stomach was hungry and was egging the brains thoughts along.  It was a bad combination.

I didn't think much about this until just this week, almost two weeks after the endoscopy when I realized what had really happened.  I had allowed myself to get so hungry (I didn't have a whole lot of say in the matter, although I could have had a light snack when I left the doctors office.  my in-laws were ready and willing to take me someplace to grab a bite to eat.  Food quickly became this huge thing in my mind and nothing would satisfy until I gorged myself.

So, with that said, I love fasting and I do think there are benefits of longer fasts.  But for me, I will stick with the 16:8 fast.  It allows me to eliminate a meal.  It allows my body to reset a bit.   But it keeps me from getting ravenously hungry.  Or maybe I should say what my brain tells me is ravenously hungry   For me, as a food addict, long fasts are not a good thing because it sets that addiction into full play!

Lesson learned!

Two Day Fast

​I have been fasting for two days.   It is not in conjunction with weight loss efforts, but I will gladly accept any weight loss.   Even though this fast has been for medical reasons, I have had some thoughts come into my head in relation to food.

Let me start by saying that this period of no food has been in preparation for a colonoscopy.   I have been long overdue for having one.  My  father died of colo-rectal cancer in 2017.  I should have run with all haste to have a colonoscopy when he was diagnosed.  I should have not put it off or at least done it in honor of him when he died.  Yet here I am over 5 years since his death and FINALLY getting one done.  The hesitancy is a combination of a few things.  First, I don’t like to go to the doctor and  secondly I’ve heard the horror stories of the prep for the procedure. But thirdly, I’m afraid of the results. No know…silly to ignore it!  But I’m doing it now…today in fact.

So I have been in prep mode now for a while.   I actually decided to try to make it easier on myself.  On Wednesday I ate really lightly.  My calories were low…I ate minimaly.  I figured the less food in my body the better right???  

So Wednesday dinner was my last meal.   Friday dinner after this test will be my next meal.  That is a 48 hour fast.  Ok, maybe it hasn’t been a total fast.   I drank a can or two of 7-up and I did have about a cup of jello in the 48 hour period.    But seriously, that’s so little we may as well call it a 48 hour fast.  And do you know what?  It hasn’t been bad I never had to dip into the popcicles or Italian Ice that I had in the freezer.

I actually wasn't  worried about the fasting part.  I knew that I would be fine.  My husband seemed more worried about that for me.  But it posed no problem.  However, the thoughts in my head were enlightening!

It actually wasn’t even a challenge to not eat.   I wasn’t gnawing at the kitchen cabinets or anything wanting to eat.  I was content without food.  Didn’t really miss it.  Isn’t that crazy?  Now that’s not saying that I won’t be ready to eat when the procedure is behind me!  But I wasn’t desperate for food at any time during the last few days.  Not on the day of minima/light eating and not yesterday on my liquid diet day.  Interesting…hmmm

The biggest revelation for me though was the thoughts in my head.   The habit to go grab something was strong.  And I was able to realize that it wasn’t hunger but literally a ‘nothing to do so may as well eat’ thought.

The best way to describe this mental thought is to talk about what happened when the power went out.  I was working and the power went out.  It ended up being out for about 2 hours.   I used the time to sit quietly in the living room and read.   Over and over my head told me to ‘go get a few pretzels to eat while you read’. Or ‘some grapes would be great while I’m reading’.  I never felt hunger…it was a boredom thing.  With the enforcement of my fast (or close to a fast) for the colonoscopy prep I couldn’t eat and it cleared my brain to realize that the thoughts/need/desire for food was simply that.  Boredom.

I don’t know what I am/can do with this newfound knowledge.  But hopefully I can remember it whenever that urge to ‘go grab a pretzel’ hits in the future.

Meanwhile, it’s snowing…so we will be leaving for my test a bit early.   Wish me luck! (With the roads and with the results)