Back in the saddle again!

Table Decoration, originally uploaded by mfcstotler.

First of all, there is no particular reason for the picture, other than the fact that I like it. I snapped the picture at the reception for my friend last Saturday night.

Yesterday I had a major victory. I had made the vow that when I got home I would pick up the reigns and get back to eating healthy. Well when I made that statement, in the back of my mind I knew that it would be difficult for a few reasons. Number one, we are having a party at our house on Saturday night. Number two, my first day back at work would be a work day WITH a potluck! Well, I'm happy to say that the potluck came and went with NO FOOD passing my lips! I'm pretty darn tickled about that! I worked from noon until 6. The potluck was literally set up 5 feet from my desk. I had to see the food ALL day. I didn't cave! I ate lunch before I came to work. I brought in my food, laid it on the table (ok, chips and dip...easy stuff since I was on vacation) and didn't give it another thought. Ok, I gave it another thought, but I didn't partake!

I didn't weigh myself today. I drank a TON of water yesterday and it hasn't started 'leaving my system' so to speak. I'm going to give it a bit of time. In the meantime, I'm still drinkin' up! :-)

Other news....just in the last 2 hours or so, my ear has started to hurt. Sharp pains. Hopefully that eases up!

OCTOBER 16, 2008 (46 OF 365)

OCTOBER 16, 2008 (46 OF 365), originally uploaded by mfcstotler.

My weight this morning. The last time I weighed myself (right before we left) I was at 184.8. So not good. I had hoped to never see a weight that high. I'm not happy about it. But I'm ready to fix the problem. I also realize that some of that is water retention.....ohhh my water consumption was poor to say the least. (non-existent would be closer to the truth)

I was writing an email to a friend telling her about my vacation and I decided to copy it here for my own records! :-) (Sorry Vanessa ...just skip the rest of this entry!) So you can just skip it...in fact, I go into detail about what i ate...maybe I should skip it too......it may make me hungry for food I shouldn't be eating!

Ahhhhhhhh vacation always leaves such mixed feelings when it is over. It is always soooooo good to get home. I was looking forward to sleeping in my own bed! Just being at home was sounding really good! HOWEVER, coming back to work.....I could have done without. But at least work will give me the opportunity to catch up on all sorts of things online! :-)

Vacation....lets talk about food first! Hey, it's nearest and dearest to my heart. I ate. Food. Lots and lots of yummy tasting food (I'll go more into detail later!) Toward the end of the vacation I just felt miserable and icky from the food I was eating. Not just the amounts (that I'm not used to) but the choices! I was actually looking forward to coming home and eating healthy! In answer to your next question. Nope, I didn't let the way I felt change the way I ate. That is so sad isn't it????

OK, vacation overview by day!

Wednesday
We had planned on getting up and leaving for Indiana by 4AM. Things were going well. We went to bed and the car was totally packed. The alarm went off at 3:45. I was sooo tired that I decided to sleep for 1/2 hour more. I reset the alarm and went back to sleep. Uhhhhh...I forgot to turn the alarm back on! I woke up at 5:40! We were on the road by six. The trip out was uneventful. It did however start to rain at about the Ohio state line and it poured the whole trip out....until about 30 miles from my brothers house! That slowed us down so it actually took about 2 hours longer to get there! Pretty much once we got there, we unloaded the car and talked a bit (and played with the kids in my case) and we then headed out for dinner. Food on Wednesday. Todd and I stopped and ate at Panera Bread for breakfast. I had a cinnamon crunch bagel and a fruit cup. (I love that bagel...so yummy) For lunch we just stopped at Bob evans. I had a veggie plate. :-) For dinner we went to this local brewery. I ordered a brewhouse club. It was a warm club on a hoagie roll. I chose to get a side of pasta salad. I had asked the waitress if it was an oil based pasta salad or a mayonnaise based salad. She answered oil. It wasn't. It was totally a cream based salad. Ohhh well....it was still tasty. My brother and Cindy ordered a basket of "scooby snacks". They were potato wedges, liberally sprinkled with old bay with a dip. The dip was a ranch dip with finely chopped cucumbers in it. REALLY good combo. I had about 3 wedges. I can't remember what Todd ate....but he did have a pumpkin ale and a bloody mary. I managed to drink all my normal water today...over 64 ounces.

Thursday
Thursday was a relaxing day. I started out by jogging for 55 minutes. I was totally amazed at my endurance. Yes that was 55 minutes of straight jogging. I can't say that I was pushing myself...because I was. HOWEVER, I did it! And ohhh boy, did I ever do it! I am used to exercising...but not jogging. The muscles in my legs just screamed! I was so stiff and sore for the next few days that it was ridiculous.....it also put an end to my exercise during my vacation! I could barely walk up the steps or get in and out of my car without groaning. Oh wait...I did groan! Todd and I walked through the Village at Winona. It is a cool little 'village' This village is all cool little buildings that house shops for local artisans. All sorts of things! Todd and I saw that they actually had just put in a building (since our last visit) that housed a spa. Hmmmm...that got the wheels a turnin'. But we continued on. Most of the day was spent at my brothers relaxing with them. I did ride over to the YMCA with my brother to drop Alison off at gymnastics. She was given clearance to go back to gymnastics. She can't do much, since she has her broken wrist (she slipped off the balance beam while doing a handstand), but she wanted to go back...and she works on her floor and leg stuff. While she was there, Alan and I went over and walked through an orchard that he has permission to utilize. We picked about 3/4 of a bushel of apples. We did go back and watch Alison for about a half hour (she wanted me to see her at gymnastics) Eating this day was very healthy. For breakfast I had toast, lunch was fruit and veggies and for dinner Cindy grilled chicken breasts, cooked carrots and zucchini. We also had a side salad. So Thursday we ate at home the whole time. We did run to the coffee shop and get drinks. I got an Italian Ice! I also once again managed to drink my water for the day!

FRIDAY
This is the day that the eating went downhill! Todd and I had talked about it and decided to get massages while we were on vacation. So after eating breakfast at home, we headed out. We stopped at the coffee shop again I got another Italian Ice. Then it was off to Winona Lake. We walked on the new walking path and then headed to the village at Winona and made our appointment for our massages. We went into one other shop that we had skipped previously. By that time it was time for lunch. We chose to eat at Cerelean (spelling?). It is a Japanese influenced restaurant located in the Village at Winona. Cindy and Alan basically said that we should try to eat there because it was a neat place. My brother told me what stuff he had made in the restaurant (hostess stand, display, tabletops and benches). Todd LOVED it! Of course he would love any place where he can get really good sushi! Yes, he got sushi. I got a bento box lunch. I chose the Panko Crusted Chicken over a bed of sticky rice. It came with a dipping sauce (raspberry and something else). For my sides (you get three). I chose Asian noodles, Mandarin Orange salad with a vinaigrette dressing and the broccolini (tis a broccoli salad to DIE for!) YUMMY! We left there and walked back through the village to the ice cream shop. I got the banana fudge pontoon. It is vanilla ice cream, banana slices and hot fudge served in a waffle cone bowl. Topped with whipped cream and cherries (I nixed the nuts). Todd got some peanut butter fudge sundae. (I told you the food went downhill, didn't I.....well or uphill depending on how you look at it). I played with the kids all afternoon and then for dinner we all went to the little mexican restaurant in downtown Warsaw. I had a vegetarian combo. It had refried beans, a bean burrito, a cheese enchilada and a chalupa. YES, I had the chips and salsa AND I even splurged and had some of the cheese dip that Alan and Cindy ordered! I dind't even fill up my water mug today....and stopped getting water in restaurants....I switched to straight up diet soda! And I didn't drink much water for the rest of the vacation!

Saturday
We woke up and headed out almost immediately. Sullivan, where Julies wedding was being held is about 4-5 hours from Warsaw. I had also researched and found the Clabber Girl Museum in Terre Haute.....I just had to go. We showered and headed out. I grabbed the last of the biscotti that I had packed to take along. We stopped at the coffee shop that we love (courthouse coffee) out there and Todd got a coffee drink. I got an Apple Pie Chai. We enjoyed our drinks and biscotti during the drive down. The drive was uneventful and we made it to Terre Haute (30 miles outside of Sullivan) in good time. It was lunchtime by that point. BUT no fear. I had read that there was a little cafe in the museum. Of course we ate there! I was still doing pretty good...trying to make healthier choices in the midst of grand disaster foodwise! I got a turkey sandwich served on a flatbread. It came with either chips or pasta salad. I got the salad (oil based...which I prefer anyway). So I felt like I did decent for lunch. Todd and I walked through the museum. It was a quaint little place. And when we were done, we decided that we just had to partake of some dessert in the bakery/cafe. I got a double chocolate scone. It was ok...but looking back I wonder why in the world I ordered it. I mean, I like ooey gooey desserts and scones are typically dry! No matter, I ate every bite! Todd and I then travelled onward to Sullivan. We found our hotel and the church. we went out exploring a bit and found an antique fleamarket place. I bought a few bottles to add to my collection. Then it was back to the hotel to relax, shower and get ready for the wedding. The wedding was at 6:30. I had to be there early of course. It was good, I got to see Julie for a few minutes before the wedding (she called me down to talk to her). The wedding was very nice. Formal yet not stuck up and stiff. The reception was nice and relaxed and a lot of fun. Food at the reception. Julie had lots of different sandwiches. I think Todd got Roast Beef. I chose a turkey croissant. I picked up some veggies from the veggie platter that she had with a little bit of a veggie dip. She had Cole slaw (I think), potato salad and macaroni salad. I had a little spoon of the macaroni salad. She had chips and stuff like that also. Drinks ...there was a whole assortment of sodas. They had iced tea and bottled water. Yep, I skipped the bottled water and went right to the sodas. At least I stuck with diet! tee hee hee. I did have a piece of wedding cake! Her wedding cake was a mixture of chocolate and vanilla cake. (different tiers were different types). I went up to get Todd and I cake. I got one of each. Todd chose the chocolate...so i had the vanilla. I did have some of the green punch...but ignored the mints and nuts! We got back to the hotel room at around 11.

Sunday
We woke up and went down for the free breakfast at the hotel. I knew it would be something like donuts and bagels (Days Inn.....apparently brand new...and I think the only hotel for like 30 miles). I got a cinnamon cake donut and a banana (yep, I was still half heartily trying to cling to some semblance of healthiness...tee hee hee). We then drove back to Indianapolis (about 2 hours away.) The plan was to visit the Indianapolis Art Museum. Being as it was Sunday, it didn't open until noon. We got to Indy at about 10:30. So we drove around and explored for a while. For lunch we decided to go to O'Charleys. I got pretzel crusted chicken and mashed potatoes. It came with a side salad (honey mustard was my choice). The problem for me came when Todd decided to get an after dinner/lunch drink. I decided to peruse the dessert menu. HOT mini cinnamon donuts, served with a cream cheese dip! Ohhhh I HAD HAD HAD to have them! Todd said he would help me by taking a few bites. His drink came (coffee and Irish cream~~~ reminds me, I want to make some of my own Irish Cream again) and then my donuts came. She came out with a plate and a little bowl of the dip. The donuts were in a white bag. She shook the bag to coat the donuts and then dumped them onto the plate. (she left the bag for leftovers). HEAVEN! That is exactly where I was after the first bite! And the second bite! I could have happily skipped the whole meal and went straight to the hot donuts! Donuts done, I was feeling sooooo stuffed. We hopped into the car and drove to the art museum. What a great museum...and FREE! We were able to visit every section of the museum EXCEPT for the Asian section. I bought some Christmas gifts in the gift shop, so I was happy to get my Christmas shopping started! At the Art museum...on the campus, they have what they call the Lilly House. It is a huge estate and house. The gardens are spectacular and the house is a wonderful architectural treasure. We left the museum grounds just before 5PM (when they close) and started out for Warsaw. It should have been only 2 hours. But somehow it stretched into 3.5 hours! The traffic was horrendous! We hit EVERY red light and they were the shortest lights I had ever seen. We had to sit through some of them two or three times until we got through the intersection! We stopped at a convenience store to get drinks. I had a chocolate milk! YUMMY! :-) We FINALLY got back to my brothers and we were just so happy to get there that we stayed there and ate some stuff there. I had fruit and veggies. :-)

Monday
Monday morning dawned. We showered and headed out to Big Apple Bagels, a bagel shop (obviously). I had an apple pie bagel and a diet coke. (yep, still drinking the diet drinks, no water). And then we headed over for our massages. I had chosen to do the hot rocks massage. I've read about it and the thought of hot rocks on my always cold body just sounded really neat. I was informed that this would be a unique hot rocks as she still focused heavily on massage. It did feel good. I will admit that I'm not used to being massaged so every once in a while I would tense up....she would wait until I relaxed and then continue. I'll probably do another someday. I wasn't like Todd though. HE loves massages (he's had them before). When he came out he was raving about it. Me, it was nice but nothing that I just went gaga over. :-)
*After the massages, we headed back to my brothers place. They have a locally owned fast food place. I think they have 8 locations. It's called Penguin Point. Todd had decided that he would break his no fast food vow to go to Penguin Point. So we walked down there with Cindy and the kids. I got a grilled chicken breast sandwich and a side of baked beans with my diet coke. Todd on the other hand got a Wally Burger (double cheeseburger) and french fries! We walked back to my brothers house and Todd and I hopped in the car. We went back to the apple orchard and picked apples for a while. I filled up my trunk. We picked about 4 or 5 bushels to bring home. Yes, I'm done with my applesauce...but FREE apples! So I'm doing more! Oh and a bushel or so is for mom. We stopped at the coffee shop again after picking. I got an Italian ice AND a cinnamon roll :-)
*Dinner was at my brothers house...pasta and homemade bread. Interestingly enough, this was the day that Alex decided that he really really really liked Uncle Todd. He wanted Uncle Todd to push his stroller. He wanted Uncle Todd to sit with him at the drums. He wanted Uncle Todd, Uncle Todd, Uncle Todd. I was chopped liver. :-)

Tuesday
I woke up early. I got dressed and read for a while until the house really stirred. I ran to the coffee shop while Todd was in the shower. I got a chai and another cinnamon roll! Then we headed out in a caravan with my brother and his family for Peru, In. We went to The Grissom Air Museum. Twas really cool. We got to sit in the cockpit of an F4 and in a helicopter. They had tons of cool stuff and pictures. Then we went outside and they had a bunch of military jets that you could see. We went up into the observation tower which was neat because you could look over and see the runway of the Grissom AFB.
*We ate lunch at a restaurant that I think was called The Siding. It was an old train station with two train cars attached to it. We ate in the train cars (they were dining rooms). I had a turkey club and french fries. Wait! I had water!!!!! Riley sat next to me. He had gotten the potato chips (fresh...fried there) I had a few off of his plate....YUMMO!
*On the way back from Peru we ran into a bulk food store. Oh my word...the prices were HALF of what we pay around here! I bought a few things that I knew that I needed or would need soon!
*For dinner, Alan and Cindy got a babysitter and the four of us went to NoaNoa. Todd got a bunch of Sushi. I got the pesto chicken pasta. Oh my word is that stuff good! I got the house raspberry vinaigrette dressing. It is to die for! After we ate, even though I was stuffed full, we got one piece of rum brownie and split it four ways.

Wednesday
This was really a ho hum day. Todd and I pulled out of Warsaw at 4:30. I drove the first 5-6 hours and then we stopped for breakfast (boring Bob Evans again...but I love the cinnamon pancakes...and heck the bacon was tasty also) and then Todd drove the rest of the way home. We swung through H-Town and picked up the few groceries that I needed for the upcoming week. (basically perishables). We ate at Gandolfos (I got a Burning bridge....a turkey sub, and a diet coke).
*Finally at home, we petted the cats and unloaded the car. I immediately started on laundry and processing the apples! I finally stopped making applesauce at about 8 last night. I have a few more hours to do tonight. :-)

So that brings me up to date! Today I'm back at work. Wishing I wasn't here. I would be happy just to be at home for a day to get my 'bearings'. But oh well. :-)

I'm back in the saddle again. My food consumption today has been on target...and I'm working on the water!

Riley in F4 cockpit

Riley in F4 cockpit, originally uploaded by mfcstotler.

Alison

Alison, originally uploaded by mfcstotler.

alex playing drums with todd

alex playing drums with todd, originally uploaded by mfcstotler.

Lilly House at Indianpolis Museum of Art

LillyHouse, originally uploaded by mfcstotler.

OK, here is a post that I wrote a few days ago...andwell I guess it never got posted to this blog for some reason! Oh well......


Randomness
Driving down a stretch of road on the outskirts of a major city this morning. We drove about 10 miles. In that ten miles I saw at least 8 McDonalds, 3 Burgerkings, 1 Long John Silver. 2 White castle, 1 Rally, 2 dairy Queens, a steak n-shake just to name a few things. Lets see.......regular restaurants.......I saw ONE locally owned place (ONE!!!! and it looked to be a TOTAL dive), a Hooters, an O'Charley's, and a Red Lobster. Uhhhh what's wrong with this picture? Do people not eat anything other than fast food anymore????? And what happened to locally owned places of business?Yep, I attribute the obesity rates to things like this. However we can't totally blame these places.....we (as Americans...NOT I) chose to eat that slop! They just make it REALLY really simple by making that food so darn cheap!

Last official day

Today is the last 'official' day that we will be in Indiana. Tomorrow we drive back (and tomorrow is officially our last day of vacation.) I'm actually looking forward to getting back into a routine and getting back to eating healthy. I've made many healthy choices, so I'm very glad.

I've decided to not weigh myself until next week (tuesday, my weigh in day). I know that my weight will be up...I have not been drinking my water. I'd be lucky to say that I've had 24 ounces of water a day....and that is pushing it! But anyway, my plan is to really focus on eating healthy and getting everything back in line....and then after all is returned to 'normal' than face the scales. I don't want to get depressed if I see a huge gain. I want to get back to it first and make it a habit again before I do that. Otherwise it may be too tempting to continue the 'bad vacation habits'.

I stepped way out of my comfort zone. Yes, I'm still trying to do that. I have always wanted to get a massage...but I've never done it. Why? Because I have to bare my body. Yeah yeah yeah, it's all very PC, and I knew that my breasts and such would be covered...but still. My jiggly belly and flappy skin! Well, I pushed myself from my comfort zone and did it. It was quite nice. I did a massage/hot rocks combo. The hot rocks........really nice for someone that's always cold!

Wedding Cake

Wedding Cake, originally uploaded by mfcstotler.

Ok, I just got back from the wedding....this is my post wedding update. Julie actually had realatively healthy foods. I had a turkey sandwhich, a small scoop of macaroni salad and some veggies off the veggie platter. I ignored the meatballs (beef.....so that wasn't difficult). I did not touch the potato chips! I drank diet soda and did not partake of the bar offerings. I did however have a piece of cake. It was not the little sliver of cake that the cake places actually say is a serving. But it was not a honkin' big piece that I would have cut for myself. :-) I didn't put any mints on my plate! Ohhh yes, I did have some green punch with my cake!

I will say. My water consumption thus far on vacation has been atrocious! I am probably not even getting 24 ounces of water. I haven't sunk so low as to drink 'regular' soda. Instead I'm doing diet drinks...but still! No worries though...I'll get back to it! Meanwhile, I"m enjoying myself and just trying to make healthier decisions for myself and not worry about it. Because to sit back and worry about every bite I put into my mouth makes this whole thing not worth it! This is life and there will be times when you have to temporarily throw in the towel, live on the edge so to speak. But the important thing is to not let one day or week or howoever long that temporary time is for to not slip into an extended time period. For me, it's vacation. My vacation is over on Thursday. Thus on THursday I'm back hot and heavy! :-) In the meantime, I'm going to live life and take it as such.
Two things about 'living' though.

1. It is so much more special to go and get these treats and yummy things! When I ate like this all the time, it was just ho-hum. I feel as if I"ve received the biggest treat from my little indulgances the last few days!

2. My body really does let me know that it would rather be eating the fruits and veggies and getting it's water. No I"m not sick...but it's let me know (I had a terrible case of indigestion this morning....yeah yeah yeah....way too much TMI!)

Wedding

Wedding, originally uploaded by mfcstotler.

Just wanted to show a picture of my beautiful friend and her new husband! This is the girl that has helped keep me motivated to lose weight.

clabber girl museum

clabber girl museum, originally uploaded by mfcstotler.

Ok, we drove through Terre Haute, Indiana today on the way to my friends wedding. I had found that the Clabber Girl company (baking powder) had a museum. That was right up this baker/cookers alley! Of course we went! And of course we ate at the Clabber Girl bakery/cafe. Very yummy!

My eating is somewhat out of control....and I've got wedding cake in my near future!!!!! Well who cares as long as I still fit into my dress for this wedding tonight! :-) Speaking of that...I'd better go dry my hair!

Heaven

Well, I didn't do as well today. I held it together for breakfast. Lunch we ate a Japenese influenced place. My food was realatively healthy, but we splurged and went to an ice cream shop afterwards. HEAVEN! I had a Fudge Banana Pontoon. (their name) It was vanilla ice cream, bananas, whipped cream and doused in hot fudge sauce. All in a waffle cone bowl. HEAVEN! It actually wasn't that big....but I'm sure it knocked my points out of whack. Oh well...it's vacation, I don't eat those things often! But, who knows what dinner will bring tonight!I thought I was sore yesterday. I can barely move today without pain! OUCHERS! We still went for a walk! About an hours worth! So I didn't just stop and do nothing!!!!!

So I have no clue where my weight is. I know that Tuesday I didn't do to great, i had some pumpkin bread at work....not just one piece either. Yesterday I held my own and didn't do all that badly. We spent the day in the car so there was absolutely no exercise. Today i was on fire with my eating and exercise. I actually jogged for about 55 minutes this morning early. I've eaten really good today. Life is grand! The problem...I'm not used to jogging....I'm sore sore sore!

The last day dawns!

Yes, it is the last day before my vacation begins. It's not shaping up to be a good one! Lets see. I woke up early and got my picture for my one picture per day project. It's not a fantastic one, but it will suffice. I actually also saw a big buck in our back yard but he ran off before I could get out there. I did a few things around the house and then I beat it on up to H-town for my weigh in. I knew that I would not be able to make it to the meeting because I had to be at work shortly thereafter. The leader weighed me in. While we were chit chatting, I told her that I liked the meeting and I was going to call this meeting my home meeting because the time worked best for me, but that this was one of the weeks that my schedule just didn't coincide with a meeting. She looked at me and said, "would a half hour or hour later work better for you?" I was like No, absolutely not! Then she told me that they just got word that they may be changing the meeting time to later in the day. GREAT! It took me two months to settle on and into a new meeting...and I gained 10 pounds in the process! (OK, OK OK...the poundage is totally 100% my fault, I know, I know, I know...I'll stop laying blame elsewhere). So it sounds like I may be back to the drawing board with finding a new meeting. This really really really sucks! (Same WW center that cancelled my last meeting pulling this stunt......man, I wish we lived in a big city that had lots of options!)

SOooooooo even though it looked as if I had lost a lot of weight during the latter part of last week, And then I showed myself gaining again. I at least pulled out a .6 loss. Wooo hoooo!! Over a half of pound lower than last week!! I'll take it! Especially since the monthly ick should be here within a few days..so I know I'm probably retaining like crazy due to that. (sorry...way too much information for some readers probably....)

Vacation. I'm ready. Yeah, after reading the last posts it's obvious that I'm physically and emotionally ready to go. BUT...I'm talking about being ready to conquer vacation and being able to say, "I lost weight on my vacation!" I'm gonna do it! Whew....I'll admit, I cringed when I wrote that. I feel like biting my nails in nervousness. Because I know that in a week or so I could be sitting her crying (figuratively speaking) because I've gained weight. I've made bold statements about losing before and failed. (gathering my courage here...give me a few) But you know what. As long as I do my best and try, then I'll be OK!

Freakish, Fluctuating Fun!

Yes, my weight is just fluctuating, fluctuating and fluctuating some more! At the end of last week i was where.....181.8. And then today I'm back to 185! This is just absolutely nuts! Oh well....at least I'm down a bit from where I was last Monday! However small it may be! It will come off....in it's own time!

Not much to talk about. I've been busy getting ready for vacation. Almost there...I'll sleep in my own bed two more times and then I'll be VACATIONING! I can't wait to get away. And it's not that we are doing anything spectacular. It's that we are getting away from the rat race! That is what I am looking forward to!

Meanwhile, I'm pretty much packed and ready to go. I'm going to load some of the stuff into the car tonight. Tomorrow will be a busy day for me. I'm working a long shift. I'm going to a ww center to be weighed in (I won't have time to stay at the meeting due to my long day at work). I'll get home after work and make dinner, do the last laundry, straighten the house, pack the last few things and watch TBL! So it will be a busy day. :-)

changing tree for a changing girl

changing tree, originally uploaded by mfcstotler.

Well, I didn't weigh myself today. Don't know why, well I guess I do. I just forgot! Actually I haven't weighed myself for a couple days. So I have no clue where I'm at. I THINK I'm up. The monthly ick is on it's way!

Well, we were planning on going to the gym this morning. SO I didn't get up and exercise immediately. My bad. We ended up not going to the gym and running errands instead. I 'swore' I was going to come home and exercise. Yeah right! We did at least walk for about 45 minutes on the canal while we were out and about.

Nothing else much to post. I've been busy. I've had some plans for vacation and trying to ensure that we don't stray to far from our set course. On Friday I made granola bars to take along. Last night I made chocolate chip biscotti. While I love the biscotti that I make (crispy on the outside softer on the inside...to die for...and this recipe is only 1 point per piece) it is more for Todd. He loves it with coffee (I"m not a coffee drinker). I also packed a package of WASA crackers to take with us! :-) Nice zero point crispy snack if you need a bite of something. So I'm pretty much ready with that stuff. My clothes are pretty much all washed and ready, in fact some are even packed! Todd installed my new stereo in my car today! WOOO HOOO! I'm so ready to leave. Two more days of work, long days...but only two of them!

Well, I"m sure I could ramble on further, but I have a book in the bedroom that is calling my name. It's by Iris Johansen, Quicksand. Her stuff is usually a pretty good read.

Progress

Progress, originally uploaded by mfcstotler.

Well...I'm working through the mental stuff.......I think this is a huge step!

After a particularly horrid teaching experience (4th grade, outside of DC), I vowed to never set foot in a public school. I made it from 2001 until just recently. When I was hired at my current job, they informed me that we were 'Partners in Education' with the local Elementary School. I was up front and told them of my desire to stay as far away from a school as possible. They were ok with it. However, over the past year they have managed to get me into the school on three occaisions. I've lived! AND somehow they have talked me into mentoring a student at the said school, which will begin soon. But the biggest thing. I VOLUNTEERED to create and take care of a box tops for education collection box. After 7 years, am I starting to heal???"

My day. Not too bad. I've been busy ALL day. I just sat down! I exercised early this morning and then this afternoon I push mowed my parents properties...so there was some more activity!

pumpkin cookies

pumpkin cookies, originally uploaded by mfcstotler.

Why oh why did I make pumpkin cookies today. I woke up and hopped onto the scales. I was a few ounces up but I wasn't concerned....(I woke up thirsty, a sign that I was somewhat dehydrated). I decided to make the cookies. After all, I would have leftover pumpkin after making the pumpkin pancakes for breakfast. I was going to remain strong though. I thought about how proud I would be when I was able to stand back and say, "I managed that well!" I didn't try any of the cookie dough, which is a HUGE victory in itself. I didn't eat any of the cookies when they were warm and hot from the oven. HOWEVER, when I iced the cookies the trouble began. I hadn't made these cookies in about 3 year...maybe 4. So I just wanted to try one. That was actually my plan. I was going to have one cookie this evening. I caved and had my 'one' cookie this morning. BAD BAD BAD. Because I had seven and a half other cookies staring me flat in the eye! I don't know how many I ate. I know it wasn't pretty. I know my stomach hurts. I know physically I'm miserable! I'm also mad at myself.

Self sabotaging.......my weight just started to drop and here I do this to myself. Is this self sabotaging? Or is it simply the fact that once I start with something bad I just lose control.....trying to keep the euphoric feeling that I get when I eat something . I do believe that it wasn't a self sabotage (I had to throw that into the thought process though). I really think it was the food addiction. I caved, I had my first taste and just like someone who has that first hit of a drug or that first swig of alcohol I just couldn't stop!

I've said over and over and over again, that if I can just STAY AWAY from the bad stuff I'm OK. It's when I start.....arrgghhh I just can't stop!

Now I'm not trying to downplay the terribleness of a drug or alcohol addiction. It is terrible. No ifs ands or buts about it. However, sometimes I think that to be addicted to something like that and to kick that kind of habit would be so much easier. You see; in those cases,you can remove yourself from situations where you are confronted by your vice. Me, I'm addicted to food. I have to learn to confront my addiction day in and day out. I can not remove myself from my vice. I need food to live. I need food to sustain my body and my mind. There is NO WAY that I can live without it. I have to confront and conquer this addiction literally hundreds of times in the course of a day, a week, a month. And not only do I have to confront it...I have to partake of the very thing that I'm addicted to.

Meanwhile, I'm hoping to squeeze in another workout tonight, to try to compensate for those umpteen cookies that I ate. I really just didn't feel like lunch.....but I did bring along a Clementine and apple for a HEALTHY snack (so I'm not tempted to break into more of those cookies......I brought some to my co-workers). I am on my own for dinner tonight (Todd will be in town doing stuff for this benefit...he's actually eating dinner with mom and dad) so I'll be able to have zero or low points foods for dinner...veggie city here I come!

Tomorrow should be pretty easy for me to stay focused and on plan. I'll be eating my meals on my own...so mostly fruits and veggies for me. Plus, I'll exercise first thing in the morning......and I'm planning on mowing mom and dad's properties (that is 45 minutes with a push mower). So all is not lost. And if I gained a pound or so....it will come off!

thepathway near Sharpsburg

thepathway near Sharpsburg, originally uploaded by mfcstotler.

This morning I woke up and there was no doubt in my mind. I was riding the exercise bike come hell or high water. I hit up the bathroom first, as is my normal routine. I weighed myself. HOLY MOLY! 181.0 pounds. That is a loss of 5.6 pounds since TUESDAY? I thought I was shocked yesterday......woah doggie. Today I'm just plain and simple blown away! I refust to psychoanalyze the situation. I don't care at this point. Yep, it could have been water, yep, it could hav been the kick ass last few days I've had. I don't care. What I care about is that it was 181. 0 That puts me back into my 'happy 5 pound' area! (within 5 pounds from my lowest weight ever....I have always said I would be ok, happy if my weight stayed within 5 pounds of my lowest ever weight.....and if it went above it was panic time!). SO I'm a happy girl. It is also redoubling my motivation to go on vacation and really nail the vacation. I want to lose weight! (I'll be happy with a maintain though).

Anyway, so this morning I weighed myself and hopped onto the exercise bike. I was about 15 minutes into my ride when Todd woke up and mentioned the gym. Well heck, i was ready to hop of the bike and hit up the gym instead. But he then quickly remembered and obligation he had that would make the gym not quite as feasible. I suggested a walk on the canal. His eyes lit up. We had a winner. I rode the exercise bike for 30 minutes, ate lunch and got dressed and then walked on the canal for an hour! Not too shabby!

Vacation plans.....here they are.
1. I'm taking homemade granola bars and 1 point candy (WW) so that we have something realativly healthy to snack on.
2. When we get there, I"m going to hit up the grocery store and have a few items on hand at my brothers house so that I can eat a decently healthy breakfast AND lunch at their house. (this will save us money also!)
3. Eat sensibly when we go out for dinner!
4. I'm planning on jogging or riding my brothers exercise bike in the mornings.
5. walking walking walking. I've told Todd that I want to walk walk walk as much as we can! Why drive that 1/2 mile to the Mexican restaurant that we want to visit when we can walk there!

I'm determined to make this vacation a successful weight week!

Wednesday

Desi, originally uploaded by mfcstotler.

Thought I'd share a picture of Desi.....this is technically my husbands cat. The cat...well...the cat tolerates me. But he's getting better! Oh well, the other three cats adore me!

Well, my weight dropped. This morning it was down to 183.6. That is a three pound drop from yesterday. I think I'm about ready to give up trying to make sense of it!

I feel as if I've done REALLY good with my food today. I ate oatmeal for breakfast and then on the first Wednesday of the month when Todd has a board meeting, I usually go out to eat with mom. Today, I ate with mom, but we ate at her house. We had a meal of mostly veggies and fruit. I was satisfied. Mom struggled a bit with being satisfied. BUT, she was tickled because her blood sugar levels remained really good and didn't spike like they normally do (hello, she's eating JUNK!)

Todd and I stayed in town for dinner. Mom and I each combined our forces and made dinner together. It's always like old times cooking in the same kitchen with my mom...good memories. We actually ended up making Glazed chicken with apples, roasted potatoes, carrots and peas. For dessert we had jello with pears in it. Pretty good meal! :-)

Woke up this morning and we hit up the gym. I set the elliptical at 60 minutes, level 12 with a random hill program. In my mind I set a personal goal to reach at least 500 calories burned and 4 miles. I was plugging along...I was JUST going to make my goal when my friend Sherry walked into the gym. Nope, I didn't stop. She climbed onto the elliptical beside mine and we talked for the last 5 minutes of my 60 minute program and then I just put it on a level and I did backwards for 15 more minutes. So 75 minutes of exercise. Made it to well over 600 calories burned (if you can believe those machines...but hey, I use those figures as goals) and over 5 miles!

Lets see...in other news. Oh wait, Ethel is having a health problem. (she's had diarrhea for the last few days). I got medicine from the vet today. Hopefully that clears it up. (hopefully before vacation).

Todd and I are watching the gas shortage problem closely. That is the last thing that we want. To be in the middle of our travels and end up stranded or stuck somewhere without gas....and we heard that the problem is spreading to the Midwest....where we will be. LOVELY!

Other than that...nothing much else to report!

Official

I went to a Weight Watcher meeting this morning. I was not at all happy with the scales. They showed me at 186.4. So I've got 4.4 pounds until I get within that 2 pound grace area and 4.4 to get to my goal weight. I'll do it though.

It really is neat to see how I feel after my meeting. It was something that I totally needed! I feel ready to face another week and I'm totally determined to NOT gain more and to instead post a loss next week! (which will be the day before we leave for vacation!)

I was pleasantly surprised and happy to see two of my past leaders and the receptionist that I usually have attending the meeting this morning. It was good to see them and to talk to them, which I was able to do after the meeting. Ironically enough, they are in the exact same boat as myself. One of them actually took off her pants this morning when she weighed in trying to get below 'the mark'.

I came home and did a few things around the house. I cleaned out the car! It desperately needed it especially before we start to pack the car for vacation ( a week from today). I also putzed around with a few errands in the house. I also ate lunch. I had a salad, a yogurt and some applesauce. Internally I was screaming....eat something else, eat something else. But I didn't and I've actually been satisfied. For me, it is not a craving or hunger or fullness or anything...it's my mind telling me to eat more. I didn't listen this morning and I've been fine! I did bring along an apple to munch on here at work sometime during the mid-afternoon. I guess that time is NOW! :-)

Don't miss out!

OH MY FREAKIN' SWEET WORD! However have I followed Weight Watchers for the last umpteen months and not heard about this. Now I admit that I don't use all the weight watchers products out there but there are some that I get on occaision for ease. And I really do like the ice cream bars and snacks. AND oh my word, at the meetings I LOVE LOVE LOVE the Peanut Butter Bliss bars and the Sweet and Salty bars!

SOooooooo imagine my surprise when I stumbled upon a post on the ww boards today saying taht they have a ups redemption program for ww brand stuff!!! YES, and I went on...the rewards are NICE! NOt cheesy things. We are talking stuff like attachments for your kitchen aid mixer, pan sets, vacuum cleaners (hoover) all sorts of stuff! GOOD STUFF! Stuff that we buy on a daily basis!

I am so all over this!

http://www.wwincrediblerewards.com

I haven't done too badly today. I'm struggling right now. I want to eat. I allowed myself to have a sweet and salty bar (one of the weight watchers 2 points bars). But I know that there is no way that I'm hungry! We had a late dinner (7:15.....dinner tends to be later since I get off at 6PM). We had Sweet and Spicy Chicken which is one of my favorite ways to have chicken. I served homemade scalloped potatoes with it. We also had some broccoli and applesauce with our meal. For dessert we had Tilly's dream dessert. YUMMY! So there is no way that I'm still hungry. It has got to be in my head! I'm gonna win this one!

Tomorrow morning I'm going to hit up a weight watcher meeting. I am actually quite dissapointed. I had decided to go to this one......basically because my first leader, which I loved was the leader. So this morning I went on to double check the time. OH NO! Nancy doesn't lead this meeting anymore. She dropped all meetings from this center according to the website (she still does the Hancock meeting..but that's way to far away...and not the right time anyway). SHUCKS! So I'm HOPING that the leader that is there now is a good one! I have heard that the Saturday morning leader is a good one. But that meeting is at 7Am. The meeting would be over at 7:30 (if it was on time). I have to be at work at 7:45 or 8AM (flip flops back and forth)...and it's about a 15-20 minute drive. I may try that one a few times to see how that goes. Twould mean that I'd be driving to Hagerstown twice on Saturdays (morning for my meeting....back to S-burg for work...and then back to H-town for my weekly grocery trip). Hmmmm

My weight this morning 186.0 SO I"m back at 4 pounds from the very tip top highest that I can be to get back into lifetime!

BLAGHHHHHH

ARRGGGHHHH How do you spell STUPID?? O-V-E-R-E-A-T!

I totally overate tonight! Cookies (they were supposed to be some healthy recipe that this health /nutrition/weight loss clinic owner makes) that I ate 5 of! Yes, FIVE cookies. Oh yeah, I had some bread with dinner...and not one but TWO servings of spaghetti!!!! Yeah, I took most of the food to my mom's house..but mom put it all together and made dinner...I just provided the ingredients...and we all know that mom's cooking tastes SOOO Good! (I at least had a salad with dinner! woo hooo)

And I feel ICKY!

(am I absolved from all wrong doing if I say that I went to the gym this morning and worked out for an hour??? Because I did!)

Saturday Sameness

Typical Saturday. I got up early and rode the exercise bike for a a bit. Yeah, I know that Todd had mentioned going to the gym on the way to the grocery store, but I also know that those gym plans seemed to get cancelled a lot and I'm left with no exercise. Thus I decided to ride anyway and if I got a second workout in...great! I worked from 8AM until noon....BORING! But hey, I got my coupons in order for my afternoon grocery trip! Yes, I tell you, every Saturday is the same old same old isn't it? Yep, grocery shopping. (and I was right...we ended up NOT going to the gym!) I came home, prepared everything (chopped veggies for the salad, cleaned the fruit, made a few things and all is good). About the time that was done, it was time to make dinner! I made Todd Pecan Salmon. He said it was pretty good. I dont' eat seafood so I couldnt' tell you for sure...but I made him go into detail about the texture, moisture and what-not...so I'm reasonably sure it tasted good. After dinner I realized that I hadnt' taken my picture of the day for the 365 project....so I started playing with my camera....got that done. And now I'm just sitting here relaxing. I'm debating watching a movie (I've got What happens in Vegas to watch) or to read some more of my book...(it's an Iris Johanson book...The Face of Deception)....hmmmmmmm tough choice! Eating wise. I didn't do badly....a little high in carbs, but ok. weight 185.6

something to work for

I have done pretty good today with my eating. I'm happy at least. I feel as if I've done what I needed to do to get myself back on target! Tonight for dinner I made Southwestern Chicken. This is a pretty good meal, and quite filling! The kitchen is now cleaned up and I'm relaxing.

I got to thinking after reading todays post from JC about feeling power when we eat or overeat. It got me to thinking. NO, I never had that when I overate. However I do definitely feel empowered when I am eating correctly and making good choices. And as I read it, I knew that I want to feel that self satisfaction and empowerment. It really is a great feeling! And I'm going to strive for that feeling! Thanks JC!

gym visit and general thoughts

Todd and I went to the gym this morning. I had just stepped onto the elliptical machine when a friend saw me. We started to talk. 30 minutes later, after having just stood there doing nothing remotely exercise related, we moved to side by side treadmills and walked while we talked for another 30 minutes. While I didn't get a really intense workout in today, I think talking to this friend was super important. She is a friend from the weight watchers group that I was attending, the one that was cancelled. She is struggling with her weight also. We discussed the emotional issues that I'm working through and the ones that she is working through. I felt refreshed when we left. Just what I needed.

Meanwhile, I'm trying to force myself to ignore those feelings and desires to 'stay hidden' in the woodwork. I'm pushing myself to do what I want to do and not worry about anything other than the fact that it is what I want to do and ultimately that I'm happy. And you know what? It's not killing me. No-one has looked at me oddly, in fact some of my efforts have sparked some really great conversations with others. So I'm trying.

My weight today 185.4. So still up. I'm actually not too overly surprised. Last night I made the ultimate comfort food (ok, one of them), Perogi casserole. It is super yummy, tasty and a carb lovers dream! I did eat accordingly the rest of the day but I know that when I overload on carbs I don't lose as well.

Don't know what I'm going to do to shake up my weight to start losing...but I'm gonna try my best! I will also have to start going to ww meetings regularly and paying until I get this excess 3-5 pounds off to get me back under. Not that that is any problem because I actually have always planned on continuing to attend the meetings weekly. I haven't done it though this month because I've been trying to get back under my goal so I dind't have to pay. Didn't make it...oh well. So either Monday or tuesday I'll be back in meetings. Not sure which yet....as there isn't really any meeting that fits my schedule!

another ramble

Ohhh why oh why did I not have my camera with me. Last week it was the firemen. Today it as the police. We had this strange person come in and open an account. He then used our bathroom. He was in there for 15 minutes! The toilet never flushed! (I sit near the bathroom....) The one supervisor was a bit freaked out...so she called the police to check it out. He searched our bathroom. WAY too funny!

Thank you for the kind comments about the demise of my friend. (the mug) I admit I've chuckled a bit about my death of a friend and some of ya'lls comments. :-) I'm really having a tough time finding a replacement. I'm using my backup mug now....but I need to replace the one that I broke (even if as only a back up mug). I hesitate to buy one with a sports logo on it (I'm not into sports) or an advertisment (remember, I take this EVERYWHERE). Not to mention that just the sheer amount of ounces in the mug take it to a whole different level (it's a 64 ounce mug). Todd, oh my dearest of dear husbands found me a replacement online. From HOOTERS! Uhhh NO! Although it is funny!

I have a friend that I correspond with pretty much every day. She is a good friend from college, and then she and I shared an apartment for a year after college. We had lost contact for a while, but have been talking for a while now. Talking to her has made me realize and remember what I used to be like and it has brought some of that back to life. Tis a very good thing. Thank you Suzy!! I think it's long think it's long past time to bring back the 'real' maryfran!

I thank you for reading my emotions about my teaching fiasco/mess. I honestly think that was the first time that I have actually admitted to anyone that the situation has caused me to have an intense fear of failure. I know that is also one of the first times I have ever made it through a conversation (or writing about it...which I have done in the past) without crying or actually even feeling the phyical problems that occur when I think about that situation. (my throat closes up and I can't breath....nothing major...tee hee hee) Does that mean that I'm healing??????

I think part of what is helping me is this project to take a picture a day for a year. Yeah, I can snap pictures....but to view life through a view finder. I actually have to look for the beauty around me. And it's everywhere. I'll admit, sometimes the 'dark' photos are pretty to view, but I'm figuring out that I don't have it in me to actually take those dark photos......it just not intrinsically in me. That is just one more little piece that got me to thinking.

Just one more step in the metamorphisis of myself. Changing my body for the better, changing my emotions for the better, changing my lifestyle for the better. It's all inter-connected.

Mourning the loss of a good friend!

water-mug, originally uploaded by mfcstotler.

Today was a busy one. I didn't do all that great eating, but it could have been worse! We ran ALL day long! But there was a terrible casualty today. There was a car accident. YOu see, I had my hands full of stuff when we left the house. I put my mug (pictured above, cropped and enlarged from a photo I took YESTERDAY) on top of the car as I threw my stuff into the back seat. Everything in, I hopped into the car and Todd drove off. Uhhh about a half mile down the road I heard it. Todd figured out what it was more quickly than I (hey, he had rear view mirrors). Yes, that mug made it a half mile down the road. It shattered. Well, not totally, but well beyond further use. I am personally shattered. This is my mug. My friend. I literally go EVERYWHERE with that mug. Come on now, after the incident with the fire department being called last Friday morning, one of the firefighters came back in the afternoon to cash his pay check and was joking with everyone at the bank that as long as I was at work, I could put out any fire with the water that I carry around. I do not move without my mug. Yes, I was in tears! This mug has been with me for 130 pounds of weight loss (well, for most of it at least!) I have lost a good friend! I'm scouring the interenet. I do not want one that has advertisements on it! I can not find one!!!!!!!!

So lets all have a moment of silence for the newly departed mug!

Fear

The weight is up this morning. Hello cookie dough!

I was in the shower this morning thinking about the plans that Todd and I have for the day. We will be on the go ALL day...meaning we will most likely eat two meals out. Part of me wants to just say screw it and eat what and where I WANT to eat. However, I know that I can't do that. I can't give up. Giving up is the easy and 'safe' route. In conjunction with what I wrote last night, giving up is safe. If I say I'm stopping now, there is no risk for failure. It's a difficult decision..because I greatly fear failure...the taste of it is still in my mouth. I don't want another dose.

Ate myself out of house and home

dog biscuits, originally uploaded by mfcstotler.

Let me tell you, at the rate I"m going today with eating....even these dog biscuits look good!!!!!!!! I will say though that the dogs and the giving of the dog biscuits are my favorite part of my job! :-) Seriously though, this picture just reached out and grabbed me today.....so that is what I chose for my picture for the day for my 365 project!

Well after the cookie dough I've actually managed somewhat to keep myself under control today. Thank goodness!

Ohhh watching TBL right now.....and I won't say much of anything about it in case some of you haven't watched it yet. But the one person talked about afraid of doing it because he/she is afraid of failure. I'll admit it...I'm afraid of failure. I already feel like a failure in the career field. I loved teaching...but had such a failure that it affected my mental state. Ironically enough, the failure was not of my doing either......I was in an unfortunate situation designed by some other person and all I could do was ride it out. But it was bad enough that I seriously thought about committing suicide to get out of the situation. I had tried every other means at my disposal to correct the situation and getting nowhere, and for those few minutes felt that it was my only soluntion. It wasn't the only solution. I quit the next day. Sealing my fate. I quit in themiddle of a school year, with no notice. Some things are more important than a contract...I'm one of them. I moved home (literally into my parents basement) and licked my wounds and healed. Ok, at least I began the healing process. I still frequently cry when I think about and talk about the situation that I was in (my life was threatened by students....administration refused to help and actually made threats also......and numerous other offenses). It really just was a terrible situation. And when I heard that person tonight it hit me. I'm afraid of failing. I've already failed and I dont' want to do it again! To the point of not trying. Because if I don't try, then I can't fail! But what I need to tell myself that I fail IF I do not try!

A slip up

My weight was up this morning...back up to 183.8. I have no clue why.

And uhhhh today. Well, this morning I slept late. I decided to eat my breakfast first and then exercise. I ate my breakfast and sat down at my computer to check my emails before exercising (letting my food settle). My dearest of husbands (yes, that was written in a sugary sweet tone) looked at me and innocently said, "ohhh yeah, we are having a committee meeting here at the house tonight" I'm sure my eyes bugged out. You see, I've been busy working outside and we were away on Sunday and well......my house is a wreck! Ok, it's not a wreck, but with four cats the floor is in constant need of vacuuming and the kitchen floor....well sweeping and mopping are a daily need (not that it gets done every day). And then just a few minor things. Didn't exercise....went on a wild rampage to clean the house instead. Oh yeah, and I baked chocolate chip cookies for the meeting also. Made lunch for Todd and I and STILL made it to work by noon. Uhhhhh I purposefully skimmed over the cookie part..........I uhhhh ate some cookie dough. Can we leave it at that???? (a little slip up...but not the end....I will just pick up the pieces and move forward)

Ohhh and the final straw....at 11:30 when all the work was done todd got a phone call........yep, you guessed it......the meeting was changed. It's not going to be at our house!!!!!!! Oh well...the house is spic and span! (and I brought the cookies into work!)

On to better things....well maybe not better things..but different things. On the way to work I was in the car and I realized that a stink bug must have made his home on my shirt while it was hanging on the line drying on it's laundry day. Yes, my shirt STINKS! It's terrible! (ok, I only smelled it when Iwas in the warm car, closed in...but still!)

WOOOOO HOOOOOOOO!!! It's The Biggest Loser night!!!!!

Progress Report

Well, I feel as if I did ok today. I did come home and immediately got onto the exercise bike and rode for about a half hour. So I at least got SOMETHING in exercise wise. I've so got to remember to ALWAYS exercise in the morning..first things. Later in the day just doesn't work for me; unless it's at the gym!

After my half hearted attempt at exercise, I brought the laundry in and then set about making dinner. Tonight was an attempt to make a knock off version of the Outback Steakhouse's Alice Springs Chicken. I think I did a pretty darn good job of it, if I do say so myself. The recipe is a keeper.

The rest of the evening, I've simply sat here and split my time between my scrapbooking and being online. I am very proud of myself. I've actually caught myself up...the year 2007 is DONE! So at least I'm working on the current year now! (well except for those things that I'm going WAY back for....but I'm talking about the current stuff)

*^@#O Cake

Cherry Angel Food Cake, originally uploaded by mfcstotler.

On Saturday at work we were all sitting around and talking between customers. My manager mentioned the cherry angel food cake. Well, it sounded delightful. So I of course had to pick up the stuff to make it when I went to the store that afternoon. I came home from the store and set about preparing the dip, and fruits and veggies for the week. I made some more watergate salad for my huband and I made this cake. We each had a piece for dinner. It was scrumptious! SOOOOO on Sunday when I packed our lunch to carry along on our hike, I cut two pieces of cake to add to the lunch. Well, I ate a sliver (ok, ok ok...it was not a sliver, it was a normal sized piece of cake, I can't lie!) We hiked for most of the day, we thoroughly enjoyed our lunch and the cake that I had packed. We got home and we discussed and agreed on the fact that we would have dinner in about 2 hours. I decided to have a 'sliver' of cake. COME ON NOW! I planned on having a sliver of cake! I promise you, that was really and truely the plan! Yeah, it was a honkin' big piece of cake. Well, I ate that and I was getting ready to leave the kitchen when I saw tha tI hadn't covered the cake tightly. So I walked back over. And that is when I noticed that there was really only enough cake for three pieces left. So I went ahead and cut it into the three pieces. I immediately plated up two of the pieces for dinner and covered them up. But what to do with that third piece? Yep, you know it! Ahhhhh it tasted sooooo good! Just as good as the other three pieces I'd already had earlier in the day! :-) And let me tell you....piece number four for the day; the one that I had at dinner......outstandingly delightful! But that is the end of the cake. Soooooo even though it's relatively healthy....I've got to be careful.....dangerous cake for me!

Thank you to Donna for her advice to log onto fitday (where I count my calories.....in conjunction and parellel to weight watchers). I was honestly thinking about letting it slide and just chalking up the day as a loss.....even with all the hiking from yesterday. BUT after reading her comment, I did just that. I found that even with all that cake (oh yeah, and the 1/2 cup of ice cream that I had AFTER dinner and all that cake...hey it was fat free ice cream at least) that I was still about 1000 calories below what I had expended. THANK YOU HIKING!

This morning....on the scales. I was back down to 183.2. (from 182.6). I determined...this week I'm going to bust through that barrier and get myself back below that weight watchers goal so I can maintain lifetime. (for those of you who brought up the doctors note thing....my doctor thinks between 160 and180 is a good weight for me....and has already filled out the papers for me...so my weight watchers goal is set at 180 instead of 164.....I'm just having a heck of a time getting it to 180 and keeping it below there! But as I've said in previous posts. If this really is the weight for me, and I really can't get it lower (when I'm not eating whole cakes obviously) then I'll be ok with it and if I have to stop goign to weight watchers meetings, I'll be fine!

I was a bad girl this morning. The alarm went off and I didn't get up to exercise. SO consequentially, now I'm sitting here at work and thinking about having to go home and do 'something'. But I will!

This path I walk

Where-feet-trod, originally uploaded by mfcstotler.

This morning Todd and I decided to go hiking. So we went up to the Catoctin Mountains and went hiking. Yes, the picture above is from where we hiked (as are the pictures below). We hiked for about 5 hours. There were some steep uphill segments as we climbed to summit. We enjoyed the views the top! I had packed a picnic lunch. A Turkey sandwich, carrots and dip, a clementine, some fat free chips, and a piece of Cherry Angel food cake. I also had some apples that we ate at a different overlook/vista. We ate it up at Hog Rock (no, I am not lying....it's a vista overlook..and it's called Hog Rock). It was a great day. The weather was perfect and the hiking was fantastic.

The bad part??? Uhhhhh well, thus far this evening I've been a bottomless pit! I've eaten way too much food. I"m not going to stress about it. I worked my tail end off, my body must need the food.

My weight this morning. 183.6. I just can't seem to get it down any further. What's up with this. I will say that I talked to Todd about it this morning. I let him know that very soon I would have to make a decision. At the end of this month, if my weight didn't drop I would have to either let ww go (as I'm not maintaining lifetime) or start paying weekly until I get back under. He didnt' even think about it...and said PAY. I hate to spend the money though! ARRGGHHHH Why does my body like this 180-183 zone???? I've been here for a year!

Tree-in-the-path

Tree-in-the-path, originally uploaded by mfcstotler.

Todd-at-the-vista

Todd-at-the-vista, originally uploaded by mfcstotler.

Small-Berry

Small-Berry, originally uploaded by mfcstotler.

OK, this really grabs me for some reason!

Blue-Mountain-Vista

Blue-Mountain-Vista, originally uploaded by mfcstotler.

Deer

Deer, originally uploaded by mfcstotler.

That's my desk!

That's my desk!, originally uploaded by mfcstotler.

Yep, that's my desk and the firemen checkin' it out! :-)

I set the alarm to go off early in the morning this morning. But when the it went off, I just coulnd't bear to get up. I haven't taken an off day from exercise in at least a week, so I decided to make this an 'off day'. I usually do try to give myself one day of 'rest'. So I snuggled back in and tried to go back to sleep. Uhhhh not happening. I did lay there for another hour and did eventually get out of bed to get ready for work at 7. I got sidetracked a bit this morning and forgot to weigh myself until after I had eaten breakfast so I have no clue where I'm at today. Little worried though. Last night I splurged on points and ate a pumpkin muffin. This morning at work we were talking about pumpkin stuff...so what did I do. I ran home and brought muffins back for everyone...and yes, I ate one here at work also! They are so yummy!

Today is a typical Saturday. Work, home, grocery store, home, fix and clean everything that can be fixed. And that will pretty much fill up my day. Nothing exciting happening at work today. Nothing like yesterday that is. Well, I'm brain dead and totally messed up someone's transaction.......not cool....and let this be a lesson and reminder to anyone out there that reads this. ALWAYS COUNT YOUR MONEY BEFORE YOU LEAVE THE WINDOW AT THE BANK! I'm appalled at how many people just drive away and don't check it. Come on now...the teller is a HUMAN. And humans do make errors! I was taught to recount my money before driving away. Most of my customers do not do that. And some apologize for doing it. NO NO NO...I appreciate it when customers do so! (I shorted someone...as soon as they drove away I glanced at the check and realized my error...recounted my drawer to verify...and called the customer...but still if she would have counted before pulling away it would have been a much easier fix)!

Fire, craziness and emotions

What a day! It started out good. I got up early, rode the bike and I was feeling pretty good. I had some pretty deep thoughts while I was on the bike. I was anxious to put them down on paper, er blog. I LUCKILY wrote on a scratch paper a couple of the basic ideas to take with me to work to write my post and then I made breakfast, pumpkin pancakes. My oh my were they good. This is a new recipe for me. We've had pumpkin pancakes out at restaurants but I had never found a recipe that I really liked. I think I found it! :-) I had extra pumpkin, so I made some pumpkin muffins also. :-) Cleaned up the kitchen and came to work. And that is where the day started to go crazy! First, I got there and my computer was torn apart, every 'free' (not being used by another teller) computer was torn apart. So I sat behind the teller line for an hour while I waited for him to be done. Hey, no skin off my back, if you want to pay me to sit and do nothing, be my guest! Well, it finally got fixed and I had just logged onto my computer, my money was in my drawer and I turned on the counter heater. (Hey, I'm cold all the time!). Within a minute or two we heard this loud popping noise coming from my desk. I looked there and oh my word smoke was pouring up through the bucket, and all cracks and crevices on the counter. I pulled out the drawers and removed my money....threw it in the main vault and we called the fire department. We were reasonably sure that it was nothing other than some short or something, but procedures had to be followed. So we evacuated the building and waited. Oh my word..the brought 4 fire companies to our little electrical 'short' fire. Too funny. They started rolling the hoses down the road, some guys ran in with axes and claw thingies. It was just a hoot! Luckily, I had my camera with me! :-) (as a side note, ironically enough, less than a half hour earlier, I had been wondering out loud what I could shoot for my daily picture for the envisage project..hmmmm) Lets see...that excitement died down (well, as much as possible..the drive through was TOTALLY shut down, and on a Friday. Although they came and worked on it all afternoon...it's up and working again..and I'm the one that's sitting at the fire trap desk!). Lets see, I got money from the vault and found a $50 mixed in with the $20's. :-) Just crazy!

OK...my weight this morning.... 183.2 I was hoping that it would just drop off and be water weight. But not my luck. Oh well......it will come off! :-)

I watched another episode of The Biggest Loser Australia (season 2) this morning while on the exercise bike. They were doing a hike where at certain stops up this huge mountain, the contestants put weight into their backpacks that represented the weight they lost each week. The contestants were then able to reflect and relive their thoughts and emotions from being a 'bigger' person and whatnot. It got me to thinking.

One of the contestants started talking about how the girl that started the show was not a happy person and in her unhappiness, she was actually sabotaging her weight loss efforts. It made me look deeply. I've come to the conclusion lately that I'm not the happy bubbly person that I used to be. I know that there are a lot of issues in my life right now, personal things that are dragging me down. I don't' like it, and I've actually tried to make a real effort in the last week to not let these issues totally encompass my life and my feelings. But that said, it does make me think......is that having an effect on my weight loss?

One of the other contestants then talked about all the years of being teased and made fun of for being overweight. I've laughed and proudly told people that 'I didn't experience any of that'. And I'll admit that when someone did say something I didn't care I am who I am. I've made the comment on many occasions that if someone doesn't like me because I'm fat, then that is their loss and I don't want to be friends with anyone like that anyway. BUT as boldly as I say that, I have come to the realization that my weight has embarrassed me for years. And while I didn't get too much teasing and taunting (remember, I wasn't overweight until my upper teen years and adulthood) I know that especially as an adult, I let my weight define who I am and what I do. I basically put myself in a bubble. I tried to stay as un-obtrusive as possible. Don't draw attention to myself, stay hidden. It was a total defense mechanism. Those comments do hurt, even though I only experienced a few....and I tried to avoid them.....by making myself invisible.

How do you fix this? I mean, yeah, I've lost a lot of weight. A phenomenal amount of weight, but those feelings do not disappear overnight. I realized within the last week that I am still doing it. Ironically enough, it was my camera that showed me this. I was out walking on the battlefield with my husband (I do believe it was last Saturday night). I had my camera with me and I saw some re-enactors. I snapped a picture, the one guy (a re-enactor) was doing something really cute, but when he saw me taking a picture he stopped. I snapped a few more pictures...and I actually liked the pictures. Later that night I was talking to a friend and mentioned it. My friend was like, "why didn't you ask him to do it again". I stammered out a reply. I think I said something like, "that would have required me to walk across the street!" or "I don't' like posed pictures" or something like that. Both of which are true. (and honestly even looking at this objectively I wouldn't have...because of the posing thing). But it got me to thinking, because I KNEW that I wouldn't have gone over there no matter what. I'd rather lose the shoot than go over. Why? Because I didn't want to draw attention to myself. I know he wouldn't have been angry...he was a re-enactor doing a living history on a battlefield for goodness sake! I knew that it was because I wanted to remain un-obtrusive and without a shadow of a doubt it was because of the weight issues in my life.


Heck, I still have problems even accepting the fact that I am no longer morbidly obese!

New meal

Rosemary Chicken with Mediterranean Brown Rice, originally uploaded by mfcstotler.

I try to do a new recipe or new meal at least once a week. Some weeks is just doesn't happen. Other weeks it does.

This picture if of my experimental meal for the week. For lunch today we had Rosemary Chicken with Mediterranean Brown Rice. It was actually quite tasty. When I was dishing it up, I was a bit nervous....but it was really good. Todd loved it!

I've done really well eating wise today. Point wise I actually have a few points left. According to fitday, I'm at 1335 calories for the day. I also did ride the bike for 45 this morning so I feel as if I'm on track for the day!

Bummer

Well , what can I say. I'm a little sore this morning. I'm sure that once I actually get myself up and moving that I"ll be fine though. I haven't exercised this morning yet. I decided to let myself work some kinks out first.

My weight. I was excited and anxious to step on the scales this morning. I mean, I worked like a dog yesterday. ON fitday.com I have it set up that my base metabolic burn is for a sedentary lifestyle. I figure, lets make it as hard as possible. But then I add in activity. I usually don't add in cooking and general stuff like that unless it's something I do for over 2 hours (like my day canning, etc) They say I burn about 1900 calories a day with a sedentary lifestyle. Well, I added in the digging......and the bike ride....and they say that I burned up near 3500 calories yesterday. I will say that I did eat 5 extra ww points yesterday. I also entered in my food intake into fitday, just for comparisons sake. I ate 1600 calories (actually a few over, but I can't remember the exact off the top of my head). SO my comparison was really good!

So I got on the scales........... 6/10ths of a pound up! Isn't that a hoot? I have no clue what my body is doing! Oh well, I'm just along for the ride. The only thing I can do is stay strong in my motivation and willpower!

I will say that I drank a good deal of water yesterday. I had drained my 64 ounce mug in the morning (well, all except for a little ice that was left). I had drained it a second time by dinner (including the ice that was now melted). I had a 16 oz glass of water while I made dinner and one while I ate dinner. I did drink a diet drink last night while I was on the computer. SO I would think that it SHOULDN'T be a water issue. But what else can it be????

Hard day of work

Sept. 17, 2008 (17 of 365), originally uploaded by mfcstotler.

Well, I could have used this old tractor today! That's for sure. (yes, the tractor actually does still work, but it's not mine!) I had a busy and very productive day. This morning I went over to the farm to deadhead flowers. We've been saving seeds on everything we can every year. Number one it is interesting to see how the colors change a little more each year. Each year it seems as if we get a new color that we didn't have the year before. Just intriguing! Secondly, in the case of the zinnias (which is what I cut and put in the drying racks this morning) the original seeds were given to us in a garden basket gift that someone gave us for our wedding. These are our wedding zinnias. I can't let that seed stock die off now can I? (sentimental I know). After the flower/seed expedition, we came back over here to the house and got to work. I decided to dig up the garden for next year. We moved this past spring and kept the garden at the old place as it had been re-tilled and fertilized before covering it with straw for the winter. The ground was ready and waiting. (Not to mention that we didn't have time to do our garden over here.) I decided that I was going to tackle the garden area today. Get the soil turned, so I can pull out the tiller and till that ground up. That way we will be able to spread fertilizer and our summers worth of compost and get that ground ready and fertile for spring planting! SO that is exactly what I did. I laid out our garden, (paths and walkways are measured exactly to fit the riding lawn mower through! ) and I got to digging. HOURS upon HOURS later, and I was done! WOO HOOOO. Next week I'll work on the tilling!

I do believe that my husband thinks I'm crazy though. After all that digging, I came inside and rode the exercise bike. You see, my upper body was exhausted, but my lower body, while active really wasn't worn out. Soooo I fixed that. I was beat after the exercise bike. FINALLY I showered and then I was off to the kitchen to make dinner. I had my main meal at lunchtime, burritos. They are supper yummy and extremely easy to make! Todd had worked outside all day also, and I wanted to treat him to something special for dinner. SO I baked some fish for him and made some homemade biscuits and that is what he had (plus peas and watermelon). Since I don't eat fish, my plate was full of veggies. All kinds; green beans, cooked carrots, sauerkraut and peas! Watermelon for dessert....oh yes, and I had the last of the strawberries! What a yummy meal!

My weight this morning was up to 183.0. I wasn't totally surprised. I had a good bit of pasta last night and I know that sometimes affects my daily weight. :-) Anxious to see tomorrow. I mean, I can't imagine that it will not be good after eating well today and all the activity!

Not starting out the greatest!

Woke up this morning and TOdd and I headed to town to go to the gym. I had a pretty good workout and I was relaxed as Todd drove us home. I went to get out of the driveway and realized taht I had left my keys at the gym. DUH! SO I had to run up to town AGAIN to pick them up. Oh well....at least the snafu didn't interrupt my workout! I did still have time to straighten up the house and sweep and mop the kitchen floor. (does that thing ever stay clean???)

I'm tickled pink. I was able to hold my weight loss that I showed yesterday. Today I was pretty much the same. Oh I'll be honest...I was 2/10ths of a pound down. (ok, maintained........but technically a loss...lol) SO that made me pretty darn happy! I guess that second bike ride really made the difference for me in keeping that loss on my side! :-)

Not much else to report. Eating is on target for the day. I"ve planned dinner and I should be fine, with 2 points to spare for a little snack while I watch TBL. Yeah, that is terrible that I'll eat a snack while watching THAT show! LOL