Back and Forth

Things with my weight loss journey are just sorta sliding on with no thought or effort from me.  

I have not really done anything for my weight loss efforts recently.  Oh yeah, I’m aware of what I’m eating and doing.    But I’m not consciously trying to ‘do the right thing’.   I guess you could say that I’m just eating intuitively.  Trying to eat when I’m hungry and just ignore food when I’m not.  (And believe me...for a food addict...ignoring food is difficult!).  Maybe that is what the grander plan of this period of just sitting back has been.  (And yes, I pray quit a bit for guidance and direction and help for this weight loss journey!). Maybe I had to sit back and learn (re-learn) to listen to my body.  To follow the signs of my body in regards to what and when I eat!    I’m far from being a master at it, but I think I have done well.  Seriously....read this little vignette from this past weekend and you tell me if I’m doing well!

One night this past weekend we ordered Chinese.  And I didn’t order any spring rolls.  Jason asked if there was any reason.  I honestly said ‘I’m just not overly hungry’.  Jason’s eyes  grew wide and he immediately reached over and jokingly felt my head as if checking to see if I had a fever. Ok, he was probably seriously checking!  I can’t remember what he said but it was something to the affect of ‘that’s just so out of the ordinary for you to one, say you aren’t hungry and two to actually heed the signs.  

I have still not started to track.   Believe me. I wanted to.  I planned on it.   But I kinda forget to do it.   I am out of the habit and need to restart that habit.   As I wrote this I realize that I am somewhat curious as to where my calorie count has been.   I think I may work to not change what I’m doing, but track my food.  That might be interesting.  But in the long run I know that where I AM eating in terms of calories, I will have to cut back because I’m NOT losing weight.

I don’t talk about it much, but I am still hot on the trail of meeting my yearly challenge to propel myself 2021 miles in 2021.  I wrote about the challenge Here if you are interested.  I recently crossed the halfway mark. 

We had a nice weekend.  It was a quiet one.  We didn’t exactly do anything crazy.  Lots of errands and lots of relaxation.  About the only thing we did activity wise was an hour or two of walking in the big (and old) graveyard near us.  

So what is my weight doing?  I already alluded to the fact that I’m not losing.    Well, my weight is on a seesaw in a two to three pound range.  I pop up but then effortlessly go back down.  It’s a weight I am NOT happy with.  But I own it.  It’s my weight and I know that by owning it I have the power to change it!

It Was A Bust

This week was a total bust!    I made myself promises and vows and I went belly up on all of them!  It was just one of those weeks!

I wrote last week About my upcoming stressful week and boy was I right.  It was stressful.   No, as I wrote this on Friday morning before work let me rephrase that to say it IS stressful.   It was as confusing and messed up as I expected.  There is something horrible about working with someone that expects you to know the most basic of answers and you sit there and have no clue!  It’s a bad bad feeling and it was repeated time and time again this past week!   But it is what it is.  I have survived and I will continue to survive I’m sure.

In the midst of this week I had a job interview for a job promotion within my company.  I feel as if I spoke in riddles and didn’t have one coherent thought during the interview. Hopefully the two interviewers were able to understand my ramblings (or what I feel was ramblings).  If I get the job good...if not it’s ok.  It is a job that I have heard is one of the hardest jobs in our division of the company. It is also the stepping stone...pay your dues position...as I have been told by a few others. So   I’m ok with either outcome of the interview ...but seriously...and interview in the middle of a stressful launch???   But hey...I survived!

What didn’t survive?  My healthy eating goals.   I tracked nothing. I barely drank water.  I ate a lot more carbs then I should have.   I totally bombed on any semblance of trying to lose weight.  

It was so bad that last night I wasn’t hungry.  I knew I wasn’t hungry when started to eat dinner.  But dinner was something I don’t have often and something I love! So I ate it anyway!  And then I laid in bed all last night with a stomach ache!  I ate myself sick!    I haven’t done that in a long time...and I don’t like the feeling.  I won’t even vow to not do it again...because while I don’t plan on it, I know it will most likely happen.  Human nature.   But yeah, that shows how bad my eating has been.  

Right now I am just going to focus on one foot in front of the other.  This journey is hard and I’m struggling!!!

I caved...kinda

I have almost anally eschewed any fad diets, ideas and health plans!   South Beach, Beach Body, Atkins, Keto....nope!  Sure I know of the plans but I have adamantly held firm to the belief that I need a balance in my life.   So I probably don’t even have to say that I have also stayed away from pills and potions.  So what in the world was I thinking when I sat and watched a video for one of these fads?

I woke up the other morning and lay in bed whilst Jadon was in the shower.  I picked up my phone and started to scroll.  It wasn’t long before I stumbled upon an ad for some diet fad.  I honestly don’t know what possessed me to read the ad.  And even more confounding is the fact that I clicked the video to watch.  The video droned on...‘I ate three donuts for breakfast and lost weight anyway and I didn’t even exercise’.  Oh yes the video was preaching a plan that included no exercise needed and you could eat anything you want and yet still lose weight.  Of course I didn’t believe that.  But I kept watching.  Eventually I just wanted to know what the gimmick for this plan was.  

I actually never stuck around to even get the name of the product.  But I stayed long enough to get the ‘science’ and concept behind the gimmick.   Gut health...good intestinal bacteria versus bad intestinal bacteria.  I listened and something intrigued me about this science. I vowed to do my own research....right after I got out of the shower.   I stopped the video.  I had heard enough.

I started my research within a half hour of watching that video.   I didn’t go too deep.  I went far enough to see what some of the main symptoms of imbalanced bacteria within us might bring.    And while I found that gut bacferia doesn’t cause weight loss or weight gain, the ‘gut health’ and bacteria do have a ripple affect that will affect my overall efforts to lose and maintain weight.   But the big thing that got me was that one of the main symptoms is sleep disturbances.  Sleep disturbances have been  the highlight of my previous year.  (I’ve been blaming it on my age...and that may be the reason...but who knows!)

I read the foods to eat to support good gut health.   Ironically enough I used to eat perfectly for good gut health.  Seriously,  when I lost all that weight I ate sauerkraut at least 5 days a week...it was almost like a free food because the calories were so low!! (And way back when, it was one of the few free foods on Weight Watchers).    But when I divorced my eating went way out of whack.  I ate poorly.  I didn’t eat the organic food...the plethora of veggies...and for the last two years before Jason and I moved to our place, I was eating out for almost every meal...lots of processed foods, fried foods and sugar!   Did my body get out of whack???

I’m not buying into the hype.  But I researched good foods to eat.  I haven’t been eating the natural foods that add healthy bacteria...but I plan on starting again!   In the meantime, taking a probiotic can’t hurt!  (I have lately been doing quite well with the prebiotic rich foods so that was a lessor concern for me!)    

So wish me luck!   Weight loss would be nice.  Better sleep would be nice (literally Friday night I fell asleep and woke up wide awake 2 hours later and couldn’t go back to sleep....by 3 or so on Saturday afternoon I was a sight, I was so tired!)!   But overall if I improve my health...it’s a win!

We had a good weekend.  We had a quick trip to see my mom and to visit Jason’s parents on Saturday. It was Mother’s Day so we wanted to see our moms!   

On Sunday we ran our errands and then we spent the afternoon  geocaching.  It was a bit drizzly and overcast  for a good portion of the day but it was perfect for geocaching.   And our geocaching took us to some interesting places.

We went to a park and three old graveyards.  The graveyards were neat.  Some of the graves were from the early 1800’s.

The time at the park was just a good time since we were outside and able to be in nature!

Now back to work...and the weekday grind.  It is going to be a super stressful week for me at work. Lots going on!  I’m determined to not allow the stress to drive me to the kitchen!  I’m determined to keep my eating under control!!!!

Sitting on the Fence

This week has not been a raging success.   This week has not been a colossal failure.   This week has simply been a steady line.  And honestly...for that, I am amazed because the week has been nuts!

Yes...you read that right.  In terms of weight loss...I am sitting still. My numbers from last week to this week remained largely the same.  There was not much fluctuation on the scales. On one hand that totally disgusts me.  I’m not eating crazy amounts of food.  I’m eating 1400-1500 calories daily.   Typically I limit my carbs.  I haven’t done too badly overall.  So it is annoying as all get out that I’m still sitting here with the scales not moving. However, this week has been nuts at work!   I am hanging on by the skin of my teeth.   There is a new launch at work.  Hopelessness, confusion, stress, worry and feelings of being overwhelmed are just a smattering of feelings that have courses through me this week. And let me tell you, those feelings linger and stay within me even after the work day is over.  The launch of these new (to me and my coworkers)  products is slated for Monday...ready or not.   And I do NOT feel ready.  The last launch of something new was 2-3 months ago and that launch week brought tears and a really rough first week.....and I felt prepared for that launch...unlike this one.  So I fear next week...thus incredible stress.    I am vowing to eat right and not let the stress drive me toward food.   And I plan to continue with my exercise bike rides on my breaks/lunch.    I want a loss...but I know that realistically a maintain this week and next will be a victory!  

It’s been a rainy week but Jason and I have managed to dodge the raindrops and have continued to get our after work walks in each night.  We got wet/damp one or two nights..but never drenched.   The forecast isn’t looking good today...so we shall see about tonight’s walk!

I am still on track with my  2021 mile challenge!  It is rare that I don’t get my minimum requirement of 6 miles for each day. So I’m happy with that!

Mertz has stayed close to me while I have been at work.  Many days she gets on my desk and is in my face.  She must be sensing my stress...she hasn’t been in my face and on my desk...but I have caught her a few times laying on the cat braided mini rug! My girl staying close!

Shifting my Focus

A new week a new start...that should have been my title for this post!  But....I have had that title, or something like that soooo many times that I just couldn’t bear to do it!  So shifting focus....

Last week was a really rough week in my weight loss journey.   I totally stopped .....oh I didn’t go totally off the rails.   I stopped watching and focusing on my fruits and veggies.   Water?  What’s that!   And when I went back and randomly checked the calories on some days I was amazed to find myself in the correct range.   Notice I said when I went back randomly. Yeah, I didn’t track!

I struggled to write anything.  I struggled to make any videos.  I struggled to share my ...well my struggle.  As my angst grew my frustration followed in intensity.  This journey is difficult!  This journey to lose weight is one of the hardest things I have ever done!    It’s definitely not for the faint at heart!

I was sitting at my desk yesterday at work and looking over at my closet of crafts and hobby supplies.  (Mostly dollhouse stiff but also camera gear).  I knew that I just needed to step away from my YouTube channel for my weight loss journey.  It is too cumbersome at the moment.  It is too much. I spend hours with comments.  I spend time planning, filming and editing my videos.  I feel as if my recent videos are slapped together and not well done.  And that bothers me.   I knew that it was time to step back.  I plan on posting a ‘taking some time’ video’ just to note what is happening. and I do plan on returning.  But I need to step back and refocus on what is important.....me.    That doesn’t mean that I am quitting my journey. It just means that I am going back to the basics.  Focusing on me.  I am not walking away from this site either.  I will be continuing to chronicle my fluctuating journey here.   And I plan on just being me.

I am totally at peace with this decision for the moment.  At least until the desire and creativity kick back in and at that time it will be the time to reevaluate.

We had a good weekend.   We got in a nice long bike ride.

We actually went about 20 miles on the canal.  My legs were a bit sore at the end. And my butt..I didn’t realize how sore that was until Monday when I sat my behind on the exercise bike seat.  OUCH!   But it was a fabulous day to be outside!  (And I didn’t let the sore butt deter me from my required miles on Monday...for those down also!)

Weeven saw an owl...up close and personal!  There were a bunch of photographers there taking pictures so we stopped and watched for a bit also.

I am frustrated beyond belief.  I’m sick of this journey.  But I am not icing up.  I know I can do it, I’ve done it before.   I can do this!!!

No Excuses

 There is a reason that I made my Youtube channel's name No Excuses.  I wanted to stop allowing excuses to rule my existence and to allow myself to have success.  Because Success only comes when we give up the excuses!!!

I did it...but

We had a great weekend....but.    

I started out my weekend on Friday morning.  I had the day off so I spent it with my mom.  We had some random errands to run and we got everything on  

mount list completed so I was happy!   One of the items to do was for me to get a pair of slip on (backless) tennis shoes to wear around the house.   I am hoping that wearing a shoe every time I am on my feet will help eliminate some of this plantar fasciitis mess!  If it helps  I will feel embarrassed that I went a year with pain to only find that wearing shoes 24-7 fixed it...but after 2.5 days I am cautiously optimistic.  My foot does still hurt but it hasn’t been too bad this weekend!  I had some pictures from the day.....but.......

On Saturday we headed out in the morning to one of our mushroom locations!  We were out hiking for about two hours, but that spot was just a dry mushroomless barren ground for us!  I took pictures of the nice scenery though!  BUT........

Since mushroom hunting was a bust, we headed home and grabbed our bikes!  We just went to the canal but we got a nice ride in!  Boy....switching bike seats sure does make my keister hurt!  But it will toughen up!   We enjoyed the fabulous weather, the time in on our  bikes, some light mushroom hunting and the day together!  I took pictures....but!

On Sunday we headed out to our mushroom spot that has been generous with us this year.   We knew that due to the projected weather that this would most likely be the last of the morel mushroom hunting for this year!  Our spot was very generous with us again!  We were out for a few hours...crisscrossing and circling trees....following animal trails...tromping through brush and briars!   I even stopped to take a picture....but.....

About three hours into our successful mushroom hunting expedition I reached down to grab my phone to take a picture!  It was going to be a beauty!  Only....my phone was not there!!  My phone had somehow become dislodged from my possession!   We used the find my phone feature on my watch and Jason kept calling my phone so that I would know should we be close to my phone and we headed back into the woods.  But we had walked and roamed aimlessly (well not really aimlessly...we covered the woods like a blanket) for three hours prior to me noticing the absence of my phone.  Were we at this tree?  Or was it the tree over there?  Let me see if my phone is close to us.  Nope....we aren’t close enough to the phone...let’s walk a bit further. We never got any reaction from my phone. It was like finding a needle in a haystack.  A needle that we never found. After an hour of searching I admitted defeat.

My only consolation was that my phone was old and was going to have to be replaced within the next year anyway.  Ok, that’s not much of a consolation is it.   I was also consoled that I did have the money to buy another phone outright....but once again...not much of a consolation because that purchase was taking away from my quest to save money for a down payment for a house!

We left the woods and we headed to the store....yup...I am now the owner of a new phone.  And a good chunk of money poorer!  I will say though....the newest iPhone cameras are amazing!   (IPhone 12 Pro Max).   Zoom is crystal clear...even in lower light!  I will be enjoying grabbing pictures!    I just need to figure out how to superglue it to my fingers whilst hiking and mushroom hunting!!

Random facts:

**Luckily I am pretty good about backing up my photos from my phone.  So I only lost about a week or so of pictures!  (Including all the pictures from this weekend)

**I am not planning on downloading the scores of mindless games that I had on my previous phone....they are a mindless waste of time and I feel I would do much better with things that are enriching to my mind.

**I almost caved with the games last night in the middle of the night while I laid in bed wide awake!!  But I held firm and downloaded them NOT!

**An app to post on my this blog was one of the very first things I downloaded.

**Kiwi was the subject that I used to test the camera the most.   (The picture below is zoomed in...I was sitting about 10 -15 feet away!)

**I managed to grab one or two of Jason whilst he was being silly also. But I swore I would not post them on Facebook....bit wait...this isn’t Facebook is it?? Hmmmmm

**This was the first phone I ever lost or broke!!   May it be the last!

**I have been with iPhone since my very first smart phone....which I got so the in a year or so of them coming on the market.  It is what I know and am comfortable with.  Jason loves his Android/galaxy phones.  But I still love him anyway!  Hahaha 

So you get a mostly pictures blog post today!

As for my weight....I showed a maintain but I ate like a starving pig all weekend long...crazy foods...not much healthy about my food intake this weekend!  

A resurgence of passion

I used to......that was one of those phrases that I have used heavily in the last 6.5 years since I said goodbye to my marriage.  When I left the marriage I said goodbye to a lot of my habits, hobbies and thoughts.  Ok I also said goodby to some toxic people also!  But today we are talking about the so called passions it life that I walked away from.

Before the end of my marriage I was very interested in photography.  I was rarely without my camera gear.  Honestly, photography saved my soul. It made me look at the world as a beautiful place... and that was important for someone who’s world was a very dark, lonely and depressed place.  But as soon as I was free from that dark place it was like a switch had flipped off.  I couldn’t even bear to pick up the cameras.  It was as if all those years of sadness had been soaked up by the cameras and whenever I held the camera it was as if the sadness came pouring back outward.  I honestly contemplated selling my camera gear.  It never happened, simply because I couldn’t find a buyer (not that I looked too hard).  The gear sat mostly unused for months and even years.  That was the first thing that came back.   It was about a year or so ago that I felt the itch.  I pulled out the camera and while I don’t carry it with me constantly as before, I am happy to have it back in my life.

This past weekend I had another resurgence of a passion.  Years ago I found some old bottles and found that they interest me greatly.   For years I slowly built  a collection and actively searched for bottles.   I diligently packed them up and put them in storage when the marriage ended.   I talked about selling the bottles.  I once again couldn’t find a seller and didn’t take the time to sell them one piece at a time.   Those boxes sit in storage.    But this past weekend we were out hiking and looking for mushrooms (morel season). One of our spots must have at one time been a dump...at least that’s my guess...based on the old appliances ....laying higher and yon.   There are bottles scattered over the area also.  The first time we hunted there this year I just looked at them and laughed about ‘would have been a day when I was all excited about these bottles’ and just walked onward.  But this past weekend....Something snapped and I couldn’t pass them by.  By the time we got back to the car my backpack was full of bottles.  I revived the website on which I had them listed (that was a journey as I have no access to the email that the website was registered under...and didn’t have the password.).  I am excited to dig into the research of some of these bottles and to continue the research on all of my bottles.   Resurgence.

I have been trying to figure out how to revamp and utilize my websites.  I have way to many sites and blogs.  I have the bottles and some recipes on one site. I have a site with pictures of various neon signs.  (They are just fun to find and they are disappearing!). I have this site, my YouTube channel and I also have at blog for my dollhouse adventures.   It’s crazy!   I need to streamline!!!  Lol

Meanwhile...the plantars fasciitis is kicking up a storm!  By the end of the weekend and lots of hiking (two full days) my could barely walk!   I have had flare ups before but this one has been going on too long!  This one is by far the worst pain.   This one is driving me to near insanity!   I bought a new boot...I’ve taped..I’ve rolled...I’ve iced.  I have good days and think something is working and then it flaws up to horrible pain.   I have been noticing that it seems worse after working in the kitchen...barefoot.   So I have started wearing a pair of shoes (slip ons) whilst in the kitchen.  Oh yes I look a sight as I am usually wearing black exercise pants...Capri length...white socks and black dress shoes.   But I think it may be getting a bit better...  so I plan on buying a pair of slip on tennis shoes this weekend to wear around the house.  Why skip ons?  Because I hate shoes and I know when I am lounging on the couch I want my shoes OFF...but if I have to constantly tie and untie shoes I won’t wear them.  So slip ons!   This is my second to last option before the nuclear option.  Unless someone else has any suggestions). My next route is to try the ‘Good Feet Store’.  They apparently sell inserts for shoes...from what I understand quite pricy.  (I’ve hear a couple hundred for a pair of inserts).   But if it fixes the issue it would be worth it!  After that is medical intervention.....and I know that could include surgery.   So here goes nothing!!!

Impossible vs Diffcult

 

Giving up

 This past week was incredibly difficult for me.  I really struggled with emotions and direction.  I'm......well..... Ok, lets just dive in with no fancy intro.  I apologize for my more bullet style entry...but somedays it is just like that.

I felt like giving up most of this week.  I wondered if the pressure of being so transparent on this blog and on my youtube channel is too much.  Is the pressure of responding and commenting and creating wearing me down or helping me?    I had visions of packing up the youtube channel and calling it quits. 

 I honestly never had a full fledged idea of giving up my blog.  I like writing in it too much.  But seriously...how many times will I write about my amazing new start, my colossal failures to lose weight, my scattering moments of success........well you get the point.

Admittedly, it was mostly the youtube that was dragging me down.  I love doing it...but lately I feel that I am just slapping videos together to 'get them done'.  I feel like I am doing things halfway.  And that bothers me. 

Coupled with these feelings of being totally bogged down with my self imposed outlets and accountability is the fact that while my calories are perfectly in line, my water consumption is spot on, I'm an exercising demon....the scales are not cooperating.   

I'm telling you, the struggle was real!  I never gave up on myself.  But I stepped back from almost everything related to this blog and my channel.  I still don't know what I am doing.  I want them to be fun.   I don't know if that will mean that I simply write when the mood strikes and post videos when the mood strikes versus on a more set schedule or what. 

All  I know is that I desperately needed the break this past week.  I needed the time to not worry about responding to comments on the youtube channel (and when I reply to a comment I will always go to the other persons channel and watch a video....it takes time) and I didn't want to worry about making videos either!         

Finally on Friday I went back and watched some videos and read some blogs and I felt a small spark of excitement....and the desire to complete a video.....so we shall see!   But right now, I'm taking it one day at a time.                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                            

Impossible today Can be Easy tomorrow!

 Sometimes we have to take a step back to see where we have come from.  Because what once seemed impossible can very well now be your warmup...your every day easy routine!!!!!!!

What in the world???

How does time pass by so quickly???   It seems as if the older I get the faster time flies!   It’s absolutely insane!  But hey, I’m just hanging on for the ride!!!

I actually had a really good week in terms of my healthy habits!   I maintained my 5 servings of fruits and veggies each and every day!   I also quite nicely managed to drink no less than 64 ounces each day and most days I was much closer to 100 ounces.

Work was ....work.

Exercise was spot on again.   I rode the exercise bike daily and we walked after work each weekday.  Nailed the daily stuff!

Over Easter Weekend we managed to get in a hike! And we also got out on our bikes for the first outdoor ride!

The work week brought the normal stuff.... but this last weekend brought lost more time outside!!!

We hiked on Saturday. 

We hiked again on Sunday!

And we were on the go the whole time!  I have been icing my heel religiously and that seems to be making a difference....after the fact.   When I’m don’t hiking my foot feels like....hell!

I even went ‘gangster’ during our one hike.  Ok ok ok, my glasses were fogging up and the ball cap was restricting air flow behind the glasses...so I had to turn it around and wear it as a gangster!  

Now the weekend is over and it’s time to get this work week done.   It will be a busy week.   There will be rides on the exercise bike, after work walks, an evening eye appointment to get my eyes checked (Yup....I am 99.9% sure I’ll be reporting the switch to bifocals/progressives).   There will be lots of water drinking and many many fruits and veggies.  The weigh will hopefully come off....but if it doesn’t, I’m not concerned...because I know that I will have taken steps to BE healthy.

Friday Ramblings

 As I sit down to write today I am not sure what I am going to write about.  My mind has a gazillion things flying through it, but I just don't know what I want to say.  So this will probably be a rambling post about a lot of different things.

Easter Weekend

We had a good Easter Weekend.  We spent Saturday outside.  The morning was spent hiking in the woods.  I was hiking, Jason was intent on mushroom hunting...but alas it was still too early for mushrooms, at least in our area.  It feels good to be outside.  There is something mentally cleansing about being in the woods.  We finished our hike, ran into a one or two stores and did some errands before heading home to pick up our bikes. Our bikes had been in the shop getting tune ups, so this would be the first outdoor bike ride of the year!  Yay!   It was later by the time we got on our bikes, so we knew it was going to be a short ride, but we were excited nonetheless.  

On Sunday we headed to my mom's house in the morning and spent some time there and had lunch with the family.  But around 2:30 or so we headed to Jason's parents house to spend a bit of the holiday with them.  We left there at around 5 and headed home....just in time to hang out with our bird and cat and relax a bit before starting the work week again    

Another great weekend.....but way too short

Death in the Family

About a week or so Jason and I experienced a death in the family.  Our pretty Betta fish passed away and is no more.   All of the other pets are doing well...so that's good. 

The second death was my water bottle. The top broke!!!!!!  BOOOO  Luckily I was able to order a new one from Amazon and it arrived this week......and it's quite 'purty'.  

Healthy Pursuits

I have been actually doing great with my habit/goal of making sure that I eat at least 5 servings of fruits and veggies each day.  It has been somewhat easy.  I admit to eating a lot of my servings at lunch.  It works well for me though because they are bulk.......and it fills me up and lessens the temptation to go for less healthy food items.  I am not fussy about how my veggies are prepared at this point.  I've had broccoli casserole (think cream of chicken soup as one of the ingredients and topped with crushed cheezits) and cole slaw and broccoli salad all with their creamy mayo  based dressings.   But I'm still getting the nutritional value of those veggies.

I have been doing great with my calories also. The fruits and veggies keeps my calorie count lower than it would be if I were eating all sorts of other foods.    I did have one less than stellar day.......Easter Sunday.  I tried to pick my food carefully at lunch.  I tried to fill up on the veggies.  I did have a slice of ham some mashed potatoes and a roll.  But I counted for each bite!   The problem came when we were heading for home and knew we needed to find dinner.  We tried a few places but they were all closed for the holiday.  We ended up eating fast food.  Yes, I know...fast food!  I ordered chicken tenders.......and french fries...because why not!  But then I saw the onion rings.   I couldn't resist.  I topped it all off with a diet soda! (My first in about 2 or 3 weeks).    Dinner was good  But it threw my daily calories well over 2K.  Ohhhh and let us not forget the homeade peanut butter eggs that were sent home with us!  I had a bite of one! 

So I wasn't too shocked to see the numbers on the scale go up on Monday morning.  I mean...I ate fast food!  BUT  I was absolutely appalled to see the numbers jump by 5 pounds.  5 stinkin' pounds overnight!    Yeah, you can say 'it's water' or whatever.  But let me tell you...it's not just dropping off.  I"m drinking water like a made woman.....but the pounds are just slowly inching off.  Frustrating!  We shall see how my 'official weigh in' goes....but I am not feeling too hopeful!

Life in general

I’m trying to focus on things that make me happy.  So I have been working on my dollhouses.  I’ve had a blast making radiators...and doing lots of those little touches that makes a house a home.  

But I just can’t help but think there is more to life than working all day...being beaten down by managers that seem to feel that negativity is the way to get more work from employees....and just coming home so tired that I’m useless each evening.  Yes, I literally live for the weekends.

I pray for a change...but I’m not sure where to go to find the change.  I (we to some extent...because Jason and I discuss this a lot) grasp at straws.  Could candle making be the answer......wait tables.....open a bird supply store........stripper.....go back to school.....soap, I’ll make soap to sell......bum on the corner holding a sign?   Ok so I’m not seriously thinking about some of those options...but I do tend to grasp at straws.  

All I know is that there  has to be more to life than working myself to the point of being mentally exhausted each day!

Soooo. That’s my rambling thoughts.  Not much happening here...just rolling through the week and counting down until the weekend while I eat my fruits and veggies!  

Belief in Yourself

 I absolutely love this saying!   Of course I would ......especially when you remember what my website is named!!!!!!

My week

This weekly weigh in is going to be a bit different.   Normally I would come on and tell you how much weight I lost and either celebrate or commiserate.  But that’s not what I’m going to do this week.   Ok...maybe I will do it a bit!   But seriously. This post is more about the discussion of my changes and how I am doing!!!

Ok...so I don’t have an official weigh in today.  Because I was so very vague the last few weeks with my numbers.  But let me tell you, it was bad!   It sparked me to really step back and take stock  of where I am, what I’m doing, where I want to be.  All sorts of things like that.   When I say it was bad...it was really bad.   As in it was so bad that I was back at 247 pounds!  That was my all time covid high that made me realize that I have to stop the covid gain!   I started to make the changes in my eating and switched to my plan of simply 5 fruits and veggies at bare minimum about two weeks ago! Immediately I started to see the drop in my weight.  What a relief!!!   I am so happy to announce that I managed to end the month of March at almost the same weight that I started the month.  I actually ended 0.4 pounds lower.  I’ll take that half pound loss!  My plan was working!!

Eating the higher quantity of fruits and veggies has been pretty easy.  I typically eat a banana mid morning (one I share with kiwi). And admittedly I many times have some peanut butter with that banana.

Then at lunch I have been trying to have at least two to three servings of vegetables and then one more fruit (usually grapes which I nibble on whilst at my compete at work!).  I am not concerned about making sure that my vegetables are raw and prepared in the healthiest natural way.   I have had broccoli salad, (Mayo and sugar in the dressing) and broccoli casserole, Harvard beets.   The emphasis is that I am eating vegetables....fueling my body correctly!

For dinner I prepare normal food.  I don’t try to shy away from any food group, use diet substitutes (fat free or low cal). or plan low calorie meals.  We have pasta...red meat...whatever we want.  

I do try to make sure that my calories are between 1400-1500 calories...but honestly it’s not taking any real work.  The veggies keep my calories low naturally!

I have indulged in something sweet each and every day though!    Each night maybe a half hour after dinner, I head to the candy jar and I have ONE piece of hard candy.  It’s working for me!!!!  And yes, I can it my dessert!  

It is working for me...and working well!  I honestly don’t feel deprived and I’m actually eating more food and the veggies fill me up so I’m not even remotely tempted to eat the pretzels...chips...etc that are in the house (I refuse to make Jason give up his snacks just because I have a weight issue....although he has told me that he would if I want!). I need to learn to manage life with the temptations!   And surprisingly I have not been tempted.  I think it’s because my body is getting the nutrients it needs ...I’m properly fueled!!!

So I am doing well.  I nailed last weekend...and while I wrote this it is Saturday morning....but I’m determined to nail this weekend also...even Easter Sunday lunch!  I got this!!!

Don't be Stale

 I have been struggling for a while with my weight loss journey.  It's no secret!  But I have developed a five pronged strategy to make sure that I stay as fresh and new!   This is incredibly important because stale many times equals stagnation and a lack of weight loss while on a weight loss journey and that is NOT what I want!!!!  

These five steps are so simple and basic that it's ridiculous!  I started to sit back and think about my next steps and I was shocked at how basic it is!  But seriously....these 5 tips (with a wee bonus tiphave made my  journey fresh and new!!! It has totally rejuvenated me!

Go Back to the basics

 Seriously, how simple is that?  Go back to the basics!  Yes, we all know the basic rules of living a healthy life.   It was pounded into our heads in health classes in school.  Am  right?    You know that good old fashioned food pyramid?   We all have seen it at one time or another!   In case you don't remember it, I'll pop a version of one in here right now!

Our bodies need to be fed nutritional food in order for them to work optimally.  And working optimally is important if you want to lose weight and be healthy!  Some of the guidelines have changed a bit over the years...but the basic premise is the same.   

Water is another basic principle.  Drink water.  The most commonly recommended amount is 64 ounces!  So aim for that!  It's a basic recommendation...it aids in every bodily function.  It's super important.  It's a basic principle.

Back to the basics!

Remember the Excitement

I remember when I first joined weight watchers.  I was so excited.  I couldn't wait to get home with my bag of papers, books and phamplets!  I wanted to read everything I could!  I wanted to soak in every ounce of knowledge.  I purchased extra books.  I scoured the internet.  I was excited about what I was doing and my efforts showed that excitement!  We need to remember that current of excitement and bring it back!

Think about your Why

The journey gets long and hard.  Sometimes we have to sit back and really think about why we want to lose weight.  What made you decide to start a weight loss journey.  Is that reason still valid and pertinent?   What is your reason for continuing on this journey?  Remember the reasons why you are doing this!   For me my why has changed drastically over the years.  It went from trying to satisfy an (now ex) husband, to trying to focus on the one thing that I had control of and now it is the desire to live a long healthy life with Jason.  My why has changed over the years...but it doesn't matter.  I just need to remember my why so that my focus on this journey doesn't waver!

Research

I already touched on this when I talked about the excitement.  Read everything you can get your hands on!  Research the topics and aspects of this journey.  For me, I stopped researching.  I stopped gathering new information.  I felt like I was an old hat and I stopped soaking in the knowledge.  And I became stagnant.  I started reading and the excitement and energy poured through me.  I wrote recently about a book review.  read the book Atomic Habits (affiliate link) and my word, I was chomping at the bit to get started and to change my habits and change my life!  I am reading a book by Suzanne Summers (affiliate link)  and I'm so ready to focus even more on Organic foods (which we already mostly eat).   I'm excited and refreshed due to my research.

Inspiration

Where do you draw inspiration?  I get inspiration by so many things.  I love to look at before and after pictures and read before and after stories.  I have had goal weight clothes hanging on closet doors as inspiration.  I watch YouTube videos.  I read blogs.  There are so many places to go looking for inspiration.  Sometimes the inspiration will come to you out of the blue....but don't count on it.  Make sure you are surrounding yourself with inspiration each and every day!

And my Bonus tip.......I have to each day remember that I am worth every ounce of energy that this journey takes. I am worth every second of time that I spend on myself.  I am worth this process!!!!!!

SO there are the tip and tricks that I have implemented into my life to make sure that I am healthy and happy and keeping my weight loss journey from getting stale and stagnant!!!!

A New Plan of Attack

 Ok, here we go again.  A new plan!  I know, I know I know....this a repeat of how many different times that I have restarted.  But this time.....I think it's different!  I feel refreshed and renewed and ready to do this journey!  I feel as if I finally have my focus where it needs to be!   I'm ready!

Last week I talked about the eye opening book that I read, Atomic Habits. (affiliate link)  This book was a huge eye opener for me and totally changed the way that I have been thinking in regards to my weight loss journey.  In that post I talked about how creating habits were important and how little habits would inflict HUGE responses. 

Somehow over the past few months (years) I have begun to focus on the number on the scales. That in itself isn't a bad thing.  It is however my main goal and I should be keeping my eye on the prize so to speak.  HOWEVER, in my single minded focus on that number I forgot to focus on the habits that will get me to that overall goal!  I have not been focused on making the routines that are healthy my daily habits!  

You can see the difference when you look at my monthly reports.  They used to be full of habits.  Sure I always said I wanted to weigh less at the end of the month...but my main goals were all habit and action based.  But somehow , somewhere in some way my monthly reports became all about numbers. 

I will still be reporting numbers on my weekly weigh ins.  I will still be striving to show a loss each month at my monthly report.  But the focus is now on meeting some simple daily habits each and every day!  I know that if I change these habits right now that I will reap rewards further down the line!   So without further ado, I give you the habits that I will currently be  focusing on. 

1.  Water -  it is a well known fact that we need water.  Yet I consistently have struggled with this!  No more.....a healthy habit that I'm focusing on is at least 64 ounces of water each day!

2.  Fruits and Veggies -  When I was losing weight the first time around, I was eating a TON of vegetables and fruits!   I was consistently eating 6-8 or more servings a day.  Somehow that number whittled down until in recent months I would be lucky to get 2 servings a day.  That is changing!  I will be eating at least 5 servings a day! (and not all fruit.....veggies too!)

3.  Track my food -  This one is a good old standby.  I am not saying that it matters what I eat...it just has to be tracked for this habit to be successful.

4.  Only one sweet treat per week (on the weekends).  This is more along the lines of eliminating a BAD habit but still allowing myself the freedom to 'live'.   So I am eliminating the bad habit by restricting it.

5.  I need to be active at least 20 minutes each day....at least 6 days a week! (Preferably more)

6.  My calorie count needs to be under 1500 calories 6 out of the 7 days of each week.

7.  Aim for at least 5,000 steps each day.  NO averages this time around.....(this one I waffle on including....simply because I am riding most of my miles which means less steps).  But for now I"m including it!  Maybe I will keep it but keep it that average!!!!!!   We will see....stay tuned!

So there you have it.  My plan.  I'm focusing on small habits that I can change and incorporate that will turn into fantastic results.  I know that I will be adding more healthy habits as time goes on.....but for now...this is what I'm focusing on!  I think it's enough for now!!!

Habits versus goals

I read a book.  That alone is not the amazing thing because I read quite a few books.  What is amazing is that this book opened my eyes and really helped me see where I was going wrong with my weight loss journey!

The book that I read was Atomic Habits by James Clear.   This book from the introduction had me shaking my head in agreement.  I knew the content of the book!   Seriously.  We all know the importance of good habits and bad habits! But this book made it all clear!  It talked about how small habits may seem small and inconsequential but those small habits have a way of gathering speed.  These habits then have a way of building upon themselves and the end result is astronomical!   The author gave clear examples of situations that seemed hopeless or insurmountable but someone enacted small changes that seemed inconsequential but when all added together over time produced amazing results!

Just what I needed to hear!

The author talked about how to make good habits more appealing.  He talked about how to make the bad habits less tempting!   Things just as simple as having the fruit bowl on the counter in plain sight can make eating fruit more tempting!   Removing the obstacles in the way helps!   Likewise removing temptation.  Making the process of carrying out the bad habits more difficult will impede our success to completing those bad habits!   

Yes!!!  This makes sense to me!!

The book discusses ways to build more and more habits.  And this book is quite realistic.  It clearly reads in more than one place that perfection and never indulging in a bad habit is an unattainable goal.  But the good habits should put weight the bad habits!

Isn’t this what I have been saying?

For me though...it was in the early stages of the pint hat I had the most eye opening moment.  It was when the author talked about how having goals is great.  But it’s the habits that we need to be focusing on...because the habits will be what brings the success.  

I have been focusing on that goal and not the habits!!!!

So lots of change in my way of thinking is upcoming!  I’m actually excited!!!!   So stay tuned!!!!

Funeral Potatoes

 Seriously, they are called funeral potatoes.  What a morbid name for something so delicious!   Upon reading about this recipe, the name came from the tradition of taking a dish to a funeral or to the family of the deceased.  This is one that many people used for that tradition as it is tasty, reheats well and is a crowd pleaser.

It is not exactly healthy...but it is good!  And as we know....all things can be had in moderation!

Funeral Potatoes

Ingredients

1/3 cup butter, melted

2 cups sour cream

1 can cream of chicken soup 

1 tsp salt

1 tsp garlic powder

2 cups shredded cheddar cheese

24 ounces frozen diced potatoes (thawed.....use cubed or diced, not shredded)

3 cups cornflakes, slightly crushed

1/2 cup butter, melted

Instructions

1.  Preheat the oven to 35o degrees.

2. In a large mixing bowl, combine the 1/3 cup melted butter, sour cream, cream of chicken soup, salt and garlic powder.

3.  POur the mixture into a greased 9x13 pan.  

4.  IN a medium mixing bowl, combine the 1/2 cup melted butter and crushed cornflakes.  Stir until the corn flakes are coated in butter.

5.  Spoon the cornflake mixture over the potatoes.

6.  Bake for 45 minutes.

For a printable version of this recipe  https://www.kulinarian.com/recipes/funeral-potatoes/

Pondering and thinking

I am on a bad course.  It’s not going well, this weight loss thing.  The scales seem to have a mind of their ow the last two weeks.  

I was so proud of myself this past Friday when I had my official weigh in.  And my pride took a beating when I actually weighed on and showed a two pound gain.  (Maybe that is it’s own lesson to heed the  the biblical verse  ‘pride goeth before fall’)

Whatever happened I wanted to give up.  Why am I doing this to myself?   Am in insane?  This is pure torture!

But I’m NOT giving up!   I’m not out for the count.   But I am taking a step back and reevaluating!

After my vow to throw in the towel and give up passed I jumped at the thought of this and that ‘diet’.   Maybe if I ate only grapefruit for the next two weeks.  You know...I once knew someone that only drank Pepsi for 6 days a week and on the seventh day she ate.  I kid you not...that was her weight loss plan.  Maybe I could do that!!!!    Yes. I’m ashamed to admit that I thought about those crazy ideas! 

  I thought about no so crazy ideas. What about the intermittent fasting..and only eating one meal a day?  (OMAD).  Keto?   Atkins? South beach?   My mind swirled with ideas.

I don’t have an answer yet.   I know something has to change. A change in me personally?  Maybe.    A change in my weight loss plan?   Maybe.  A change in my exercise plan?  Who knows.  

I’m not jumping into anything right away.  I’m stepping back to reevaluate.  I’m stepping back to think.  And I’m stepping back to give myself time to research my options...some different ideas...some different thoughts.   

I’m still here.  I’m still in the game. But I’m pulling out the playbook and figuring out my next move.  And who knows...my next move might be a totally different plan, so stay tuned!!!!

I leave you with a picture of Mertz and she helps me research my next move in this weight loss journey!