Monday, April 19, 2021

Giving up

 This past week was incredibly difficult for me.  I really struggled with emotions and direction.  I'm......well..... Ok, lets just dive in with no fancy intro.  I apologize for my more bullet style entry...but somedays it is just like that.

I felt like giving up most of this week.  I wondered if the pressure of being so transparent on this blog and on my youtube channel is too much.  Is the pressure of responding and commenting and creating wearing me down or helping me?    I had visions of packing up the youtube channel and calling it quits. 

 I honestly never had a full fledged idea of giving up my blog.  I like writing in it too much.  But many times will I write about my amazing new start, my colossal failures to lose weight, my scattering moments of success........well you get the point.

Admittedly, it was mostly the youtube that was dragging me down.  I love doing it...but lately I feel that I am just slapping videos together to 'get them done'.  I feel like I am doing things halfway.  And that bothers me. 

Coupled with these feelings of being totally bogged down with my self imposed outlets and accountability is the fact that while my calories are perfectly in line, my water consumption is spot on, I'm an exercising demon....the scales are not cooperating.   

I'm telling you, the struggle was real!  I never gave up on myself.  But I stepped back from almost everything related to this blog and my channel.  I still don't know what I am doing.  I want them to be fun.   I don't know if that will mean that I simply write when the mood strikes and post videos when the mood strikes versus on a more set schedule or what. 

All  I know is that I desperately needed the break this past week.  I needed the time to not worry about responding to comments on the youtube channel (and when I reply to a comment I will always go to the other persons channel and watch a takes time) and I didn't want to worry about making videos either!         

Finally on Friday I went back and watched some videos and read some blogs and I felt a small spark of excitement....and the desire to complete a we shall see!   But right now, I'm taking it one day at a time.                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                            


SANRDJ said...

I'm sorry that you are feeling so much pressure. It's so hard when we feel in our heart and mind that we are doing everything correct but not seeing the results we expect. Taking a breath and stepping back might be what you need. I know that has helped me in the past. I also try to give myself a bit of a time period if I'm starting something new. If after a few weeks, it doesn't work, maybe I need to change something. I can also say through my own experience that I've had to change my methods of "dieting" from what used to work for me to what works for me now. WHen I was younger, I could just reduce my calories and I would lose. After I started getting older, my body would not respond to that. I had to change what I actually ate. You are so dedicated to what you do. Just take the time you need, refresh and we will be here for you when you get back. Take care.

Lynn said...

I'm thinking of giving up on my blog. Not because I have a goal, but because blogging seems to be dead. I have so few views and comments anymore. I feel like I don't have much to say.

MaryFran said...

Thank you! I actually thought about the ‘maybe my body is just adjusting’ to eating healthier foods that are fueling me. This change is good for my overall health. (Making sure I eat my fruits and veggies each day could never be a bad thing.) so I’m just settling in and staying the course for a bit!

MaryFran said...

Yes I have contemplated giving it up also because it is a dying genre. I ultimately decided that I will be continuing this.. simply for the main reason that I started way to reflect on life and weight loss.