More maintaining

I am still maintaining.  I would love to say that I’m losing, but it is a maintain. 

It’s frustrating.

I sometimes feel like a failure for not losing.

I know I know.  I can’t let these feelings overtake me.  I can’t let my frustration overwhelm me because if I do, it will derail me.   I know that I’m still here so this is not a failure.  

We have continued to walk after I get off work each day.  However, I have been super busy on my breaks from work and have not started the bike rides.   I have also been trying to really rest to let the heel (plantar fasciitis) heal.   There is a reason for the crazy busy and the drive to heal as fast as possible but I’m not going to get to that in this post!

I have seemingly developed a nasty case of poison.  Both legs have some spots...knees down.  (The left leg near my ankle is the worst...it’s oozing and just nasty!).   And I have also developed a spot on my neck.  How fun....not!

My eating.  I’ve been actually pretty good with this.  Have I been perfect?  Well of course not.  Have I restricted and pulled my numbers down to where I should be?  Absolutely.  (and that is why I’m frustrated because I should be dropping weight!) 

You can see on this graph that my eating hasn’t been bad! 

I’m not letting it deter me though.   I am making healthier choices.

Healthy vs weight loss

I made a vow a week or so ago.  I vowed that I was going to be hot on the trial of getting fit!   I was going to go full bore ahead!  There was nothing that was going to stop me!   I was going to run every lunch break (or at least every other lunch!).  Oh yes.  I was going to set this weight loss journey on fire!

The day before my new me work week started we were out hiking and I felt a twinge of pain in my heel.  Oh yes....I did!

Yes, the plantar fasciitis was back!   I have had some issues with this in the past.  I talked about being diagnosed in this post way back in 2013.   And the issue has reappeared every once in a while in posts since then. 

That first bout was the worst.  But since then, I have learned that if I catch it early and take some steps in the first few days of slight pain and then I’m good and it doesn’t last long.  The main thing is that I IMMEDIATELY wrap my foot in KT tape.  (Amazon Associate Link).   Secondly and to a lessor extent, I try to ease up a little on high impact things...but I have in the past continued to run and had no problem!

As soon as I felt the twinge of pain a week ago I knew what it was.  I hadn’t forgotten.  But I was set to start running.  I was determined!   So I ignored the pain!

I didn’t wrap my foot.  And I went out for some torturous first runs...which is harder on my body than ‘continuing’ to run!

By Friday it was bad enough that I could barely put weight on my heel and I caved and taped my foot.

I also went running that day....and it hurt!  You see I wasn’t going to give in!  I had made a vow!

It wasn’t until I was on my bike (and struggling) on Sunday that I had an epiphany!   There are a few facets.  So here they go and you will see how they evolve and grow.

I need to focus on riding if I want to improve on the mountain bike trails.......What a waste that I have that nice indoor bike that I haven’t used in a few months......My foot doesn’t hurt while I’m riding.....My foot sure hurts while I am running.....

Why am I pushing to run at the moment if it’s causing an injury/ailment?.....I could stay inside and ride the exercise bike on my lunch breaks.   That would give me a good 20 minute workout....A bike ride would keep my off my foot....I would be working to improve my HEALTH and not tear myself apart!

And with that, I decided to put my quest to run on hold once again.  I am sure I will restart at some point in the next month or two.   But for the moment, I am going to focus on riding that exercise bike on my lunch breaks! This journey is not about getting to the end result at all costs.  It is about getting to the end result in the healthiest and strongest manner possible!   Stepping back from running is a healthy choice for me at the moment!  

A little bit of this and a little bit of that

It’s Friday and I decided to do a mishmash of things that are happening and that is on my mind. We are going to go from injuries, to weight loss, to my new car to...well who knows what!   I haven’t written this post yet and who knows where my mind will go!  So here we go.

Exercise

 I managed to run twice this week thus far.  I do plan on going out for a run today, which is Friday. My goal when I started to work from home was to run three times a week!   I only worked four days this week so three sounds like a good deal to me!  It has been rough.  Let me tell you!    I am sooo slow.   I could probably walk faster, or at least just as fast!   But I managed to shave a bit of time off my  mile pace on my second day of being out!

We have also continued our after work walks together.  It is a good time for us.  We get a to walk and we get some time together without the household ‘chores’ and life responsibilities such as making dinner and doing laundry encroaching!    

Food

I am still tracking.  Today made a complete week of tracking.   My food hasn’t been perfectly in line with where I want it to be, but it’s been tracked and I haven’t been too far off my goal.  In fact, if my body lost weight like a normal person, I would still be on track to lose 1 to 1.5 pounds a week just by the numbers.  However, my body doesn’t seem to lose unless I am eating down around 1200 calories...so the 1600 that I ate a few days was too much.   And yes, the scales are reflecting that with a maintain.   But that’s ok....baby steps.  I’m getting back into the groove!

Car

So I bought a new car early last winter   I have been mostly happy with the car until summer hit.

As the weather began to get warmer I turned the air conditioning on...expecting to have the same results that my 16 year old Honda has...which is that within minutes of turning the AC on, I am about frozen out of the car.    This car was not the same.  On a 73° day we felt like it was almost cooler outside the car.   Surely that couldn’t be right.   I have been at home so we really only really get to test it on the weekends since I don’t drive much during the week.  But each week we tested it...short trips...long trips....this setting...that setting.  Last week was mid to upper 80’s and the car was....tepid.  It wasn’t boiling hot....but it was not cold and I don’t even know if I would call it cool.  It was comfortable, on the warm side of comfortable.   So I finally called a Honda dealership to have it looked at.  So what did they find?  ‘It’s a miracle!’  They said the car’s air works perfectly and is blowing air that is 34°. What?    I drove the car home and I didn’t notice it being ‘cold’ even though it was set at the lowest temp....but in fairness it was only two miles.  We will take the car out this weekend to give it a good test.  Grrrr. How annoying!    This car hasn’t even made it to 8k miles yet!    I’m just more annoyed.  I’m obviously under warranty...and the problem has been noted and logged with a Honda dealership at this point.   Even though they kinda made me feel like I was insane when they kept saying ‘there is nothing wrong with this car.’   Hey, maybe I’m just going through menopause and have only experienced hot flashes while in this car and no where else!   Oh no, that can’t be because Jason has been hot in the car also.  In lieu of feeling crazy,  I have decided that if it doesn’t work, that I will be using my GoPro and a thermometer.  I will start the car and the GoPro...take the temp...take a drive and record the boring scene for 30 minutes...and show that the car internal doesn’t get anywhere near where it is supposed to!  Get it on video...why not.  I have the gear and it can’t hurt since they told me the car works perfectly and they did nothing, yet I sweat when I drive any distance in my car while the air is as low as it will go (58°) with the fan on high! (Even long trips). I’m hoping that there was a miracle and the A/C is working perfectly...but I have my doubts at the moment.   Stay tuned!

Aches and Pains

I ache!  It’s no fun!!! My left thigh just aches!   Seriously, just sitting it aches.  The muscle or whatever spasms and I hurt.  Running hurts...walking hurts.  Climbing the two flights to our apartment works.  What’s up with that?    My right arm..that pain from last year...the one that kinda disappeared with yoga is back. Yeah, I need to restart yoga don’t I?  (Which I did restart right before my bike accident and then that caused me to stop doing that for a bit!).   My plantar fasciitis is kicking a bit this week.  I felt it on Monday while we were hiking...and it hasn’t abated at all this week.  Just joy. (Note the sarcasm).   The bike accident injuries are mostly gone.  The ribs do twinge with pain every once in a while as does my arm that was covered in road rash.  

I’m pushing forward though.  I am hoping that exercise will strengthen muscles....stretch tendons...do whatever to make me feel better!

Weekend plans

As the weekend is upon us we look forward to our time together.   We are hoping to get away next weekend for a bit...but this weekend is grocery week (we go every other week) and probably a bike ride or two.  

Life is continuing on.  I have been just plodding along and just taking it one day at a time.  I’m still working on my weight loss journey but trying to enjoy life to the fullest.   

Turning the ship around

It apparently takes a long time to turn the ship around! I of course am not talking about an actual ship but rather a metaphorical ship, also know as my weight loss journey.  

Changes and habits are slowly changing.  It’s a long process, but I’m really trying!!!  So what have I been doing ...both good and bad?

I have now tracked five days in a row!  Go me!  Not all of the days are spot on with my calories but I have had some spot on days!  And what is important, is that I tracked...good or bad, it didn’t matter.  I tracked!

We hiked on Monday.  We were out about two hours.   We also did some geocaching during the day before we hiked.  So we were out and about and moving all day.

On Tuesday I actually laced up my shoes and I attempted to run on my lunch break.  Wow, that was difficult!  My run was slow and I had to give up and walk after a bit.  You see,  I ran the first half mile and then walked the rest of the way.   That’s ok though.  That is the line in the sand showing me where I am.   If I keep doing it, I will improve.

I’m not setting the world on fire with my changes.  I’m not even losing weight at this moment.  But I am comforted by the fact that I am making changes that will turn into success!!

Apparently I’m brain dead and really am weary

So, I have a habit of writing a short sentence about my ideas for future posts...and I put them into a draft and then go back and go back to expand on my ideas a bit later..a few days...a few weeks..whatever!   I did this the other day based on a comment that I received on a post.  Except, like a fool....I somehow published it and didn’t catch my mistake until this morning!  ~slaps forehead~~

So while I was going to wait to write about it, I am going to comment and write about it further right now.   As a side note...I’m not sure where my mind is lately...just yesterday I made macaroni salad I was mixing up the dressing and totally forgot to put in the sugar.   What’s worse is I sat there whisking the mixture to incorporate the sugar that I failed to add.  Eiiyiiyii!

So what is the subject today?   It is how this journey had been so long...and how I’ve grown weary.   A faithful commenter, Paula C. reminded me of this and as soon as she said it, the lightbulb clicked on and I knew that her words were so true...and that what I was feeling was normal!!!     (As a side note, there is no link in the comments to a page of her own...but if there is any Page, I would LOVE to visit it as she always has great insight!).    

I started writing on here 14.5 years ago and my journey started earlier than that!  I’ve had success over the years but I’ve had more failure.  14.5 plus years of this near constant struggle!  That is a long time! This journey had not been short by any means!

I’ve written in the past about growing weary and getting bogged down by the sheer slowness of this journey.     I wrote about it in 2019 and this post in 2016  just to name  two of the multiple times I’ve written about this looooong forever journey.  This is a long arduous journey and it weighs heavily.  And sometimes, I think my mind just has to step back because I become a bit overwhelmed at the long road travelled and the long road ahead!

That said, this weight loss weary girl is still very much wanting to lose weight.  Paula’s comment sparked me to say to myself, your are just feeling tired...now get your butt in gear.  I am clawing my way back and trying to find a balance.   I am trying my hardest to track (in fairness some of the lack of tracking is due to just being out of the habit and forgetting to track my food).  I am trying to keep my calorie count low.  I am trying to eat healthy foods in a healthy portion!

So yes...let’s talk about the victories...not the failures of my apparently feeble mind!

*** We got in a 20 mile bike ride yesterday! 

*** I have tracked my food the last two days!  My one day was a bit high in calories...but it was tracked.

*** my heart and mind are focused on losing weight

I am not going to say that ‘I’m back’ at this point.  I know that I’m not. I’m still bone weary from the constant pressure of this journey.  But I’m trying to re-instill these healthy habits into my life.  I’m trying to change my habits and live healthy regardless of my present predicament.  I’m still pushing forward...because if I keep allowing my apathy and weariness win, the journey will only get longer as I gain more weight!  

(And I promised Jason a new batch of macaroni salad next week to go with our cookout...and I’ll nail that batch!)

Hanging on by a thread

So my return to the land of weight loss wasn’t as victorious as I had hoped.

I didn’t go crazy, thank heavens!  I didn’t shovel in food like crazy I remained steady and kept my food intake on an even keel.   I tried to eat intuitively and wisely. 

We did continue our after work walks.  And I even attempted to ride a mountain bike trail.  And it went well!  It was fun.  It was hard.  It didn’t hurt my ribs any worse than a normal ride!  Even the deer came out to applaud me!

However, I tracked nothing. (Well does one day count?)   I lost no weight.   I failed to restart any daily exercise.

I did however finish piecing my modern style crazy quilt!

We also cleaned both cars...inside and out!   Look at this girl shine!!!

I also worked on some smaller dollhouse projects, worked, and just tried to enjoy life!

So where does this leave me?   I am still really struggling to get into the swing of this weight loss journey.  In my heart I am not ready to really restart this weight loss journey and get sucked into the more of it all.  But in my mind I know that I need to.   I know that I need to get this weight off.  I know that I need to work on getting fit again. I know that I need to restart this weight loss journey full force!

I’m here today.  I’m making no promises.   I’m not vowing to start my daily exercise routine.  I’m not vowing to track every bite of food.  I’m not promising to lose weight this week.    I am however admitting that I HOPE to restart a daily exercise routine next week. (We stay pretty active on the weekends...my work week is where I’m lacking).  I plan to start consistently tracking.  I also still really want to lose weight.   I can do this!!

MIA from my weight Loss Journey

So in case you haven’t noticed I have been missing in action lately.   Actually  I’ve been nowhere to be found any of my social media accounts...or to be more specific I was absent from any and all participation in my weight loss related accounts.  If you stopped by, all you heard were the crickets!  Yup....I was nowhere to be found!

I wish I could say that during my absence that I was killing it on the scales and that I had managed to lose a lot of weight.  However, that is not the case.  This was purely a ‘vacation’ from the constant worry of trying to lose weight, the constant whirl of thoughts about my journey and yes, the Spector of coming back on here once again to say ‘I’m still failing at this weight loss journey thing’.   

Now don’t get the wrong idea.  My little break wasn’t great, but it wasn’t all bad.  So let’s break  it down into the  different aspects.

My weight

I actually didn’t gain any weight during this time of silence.  I actually maintained my weight during the last week or two.  Sure, there were the normal fluctuations that occur from drinking different amounts of water, higher sodium foods, etc.  but my weight stayed within the same pound or two. 

My food

I was far from perfect!  Far from it!  But somewhere and somehow in this little break, I started to naturally regain my footing with some of the unhealthier habits. Ok, let’s be honest here...the sweet treat at night is the big change!  I eliminated that.  (Ok, last night I had once piece of cake...first sweet treat in over a week! And it will be the last sweet treat  until next weekend at the earliest!  Balance!!!)   I tried to eat a simple healthy meals, especially lunches!.  My lunches were an actual sandwich with a side (be it chips, or pretzels) portioned onto a plate which I ate somewhere other than in the kitchen.  They were NOT eaten with me standing in the kitchen, the Pringle’s can open in front of me and just mindlessly eating!  I’m sure my calories were over my zone where I lose weight (for me 1200 to 1400 calories) but in a way maybe I was resetting my habits and food behaviors.

Exercise

This was not a total failure  either.   We walked every day after work.  Just a mile but at least it was something!   We also managed to get in some bike rides.  They were all on the canal and very easy (the ribs are still tender and healing) but each ride was over 20 miles! 

Ride one:

Ride Two:

Ride three:

So that was more than 60 miles of bike riding in the last week or so!! We also got about 8 miles of walking in, above and beyond the after work walks!

Walk 1, canal walk:  

Walk Two,  laps around the Hagerstown City Park:

The time off was not without thought and conversation about my weight.  There were even some tears.  Because, you see, I feel somewhat helpless.  I don’t like to be this weight.  I’ve been sore and my body aches. I know that it is in direct correlation to my weight.  I know I need to change my lifestyle and I want to it’s just so overwhelming...and difficult!  

But....we did our biweekly grocery shopping this past weekend and I loaded up on fruits and vegetables, ready to tackle this weight problem that has plagued me for years.  I am determined to lose weight.   A new month starts today. This is the perfect opportunity for a new Maryfran to emerge.  

I don’t have all the answers.  I don’t have the solution to the age old problem of obesity.  But I still have the desire to lose weight.   I still have the desire to get back to my lower weight and reap the benefits...that feeling of vitality and health.  I want a life without the aches and pains of all this extra weigh on my body. My little break has hopefully refreshed me and gave me the break that I needed to tackle this issue.  Let the weight loss journey recommence!

What is wrong with me?

It started recently.    Well, relatively recently.  January  first to be exact!   My clutzy tendency’s have become scary!  I seem to be falling more and more!   Yes...quite frequently!   What is happening to me???

Now let me get this straight, I have always been a bit accident prone.  But the amount of falls I am having is really concerning.   I don’t know why...is it really just a freak of nature that I’m having a run of bad luck?

Yes, it started January first.   We went hiking on the Appalachian Trail.  We were almost back to the car and I was doing a stream crossing and something happened and I slipped and fell.   We attributed it to us not having hiked for a while and my legs being really sore and didn’t think anything of it!  We continued to hike each weekend and my legs grew stronger.   

I didn’t have any more accidents in January....that I can remember.  But  February brought about another fall!   We were on a light walk.  I’m not even going to call it a hike because it was so tame!   I tripped and went down.  Again?   I was kinda confused...two times in two months.  What are the odds?  

It doesn’t end there though....I fell on a hike in mid to late April.  As best we can figure out, my foot caught on a rock and I went down.    We were concerned at that point because that was accident three in just a few months.   But it didn’t end there.  One week later I had my bike accident.  ONE. WEEK!  

Surely my luck would change!   But no, two weeks after that, just this past weekend I went down again!  I kid you not.   We were out on a light easier bike ride on the canal towpath. (Seriously, I’m still in near constant rib pain...it had to be easy).   We stopped to go explore a tunnel/cave.    

I had to go down a small slope into the canal and then back up on the other side to get to this tunnel.   Jason was taking care of our bikes so that I could be safe.  I was being careful.  I swear I was being careful!   I was moving slowly and the next thing I knew my foot slipped on gravel.  I landed with a thud on my butt.   Wow, the fall jarred my ribs (which are still really sore!)!    Luckily, I walked away with only a few scrapes on my arm and my ribs and after the initial rush of pain didn’t suffer any more damage in that area. 

But you can see, these accidents are happening with greater frequency.   Looking back, we hiked a LOT the first year we were together.   I didn’t fall every hike...or even once a month.  I do remember one fall while hiking about two and a half years ago...but nothing else.  ONCE.  One fall in four years.   And here in about three months I am heading toward double digits.  Ok not that close, but enough that I’m concerned.

We aren’t sure what is the problem.  It seems to be mostly when we are hiking.   It doesn’t happen when I’m just walking.  I don’t fall and stumble at the grocery store.  I don’t trip or slip while walking around our apartment.  We walk outside every day after work and I haven’t fallen once!  (Just writing this scares me though...I hope I haven’t hexed myself!!). We originally thought maybe when I get tired my legs just give out.  We have wondered if I’m just not picking my feet up and if they are catching on any uneven surface, rock or tree root.   Is it something to do with my weight...has my weight shifted and has it messed up my balance?  

I just don’t know.  But While Jason has  jokingly said that he is going to start making me wear knee and elbow pads and a full face helmet when I go out, I think there is an ounce of truth to his suggestion!  These calls have got to stop though!   I’ve been somewhat lucky and most of the falls have garnered nothing more than some scrapes and bruises. But I fear that my luck will run out!!!!  I am not giving up on exercise, but I am nervous!!!!!

It is however becoming a more regular occurrence and it is scaring me badly!  

I hate exercise

For a while there, I was actually loving to exercise!   Yes, me!  The overweight gal that prefers to read and do crafts!  I actually loved and craved exercise! But something happened and it is just not my friend any more!

 I was going to zumba and doing as many sessions as I could each week.  (Can we say 4-6 hours of Zumba?). In the same week I was riding my bike, doing exercise videos and running at least 4 times a week.  It was insane!  But I felt strong and healthy!

And then something happened.    I have evolved back into the lazy Maryfran, the ‘I’d rather be crafting’ Maryfran!  Exercise comes when Jason says its is so nice today, we have to get outside!   I go...somewhat grudgingly.  The good thing, I never regret going!   

This past weekend we went out for a bike ride .and I realized that right now I am doing better when I can forget that what I’m doing is exercise.   We went on a section of the canal that I have not been on in years.  I was so busy looking at everything that the miles passed by and I almost forgot that I was exercising!  

Masking exercise in some fun activity is a great way to get it done. 

 However, I want to bring back the Maryfran that couldn’t wait to get out and go for that run. I want to be the Maryfran that wouldn’t skip a zumba class unless I was on my death bed!    I want that hot sweat dripping down my back.  I want that feeling of exhilaration that infused me after a workout. I want it.  But I hate it and dread it right now. 

I swear I’m a hot mess!  How can I want something but hate it?  Hopefully if I just push myself to do it, I will learn to love it again!!!!!!   

So yes, the running WILL recommence...as soon as my ribs are capable!!!! 

Back to the basics

As I fell off the weight loss wagon I stopped doing some of those most basic things that for me are intrinsic for weight loss.   Well honestly, I stopped doing a lot of things.   But let me start with the most basic items.

The first and most basic thing is water!   I stopped drinking my water.   I stopped really caring.  I stopped even preparing my water for the day.  Oh I would make my flavored/vitamin packet water every morning, but I would only take one or two sips of water through the day.   That is not good.  My minimum goal for the day is 64 ounces!  I am still trying to struggle to get my water intake back to where it needs to be.  But I am preparing my water every morning and I am trying to make a real effort to drink....drink again ...and then drink some more!

The second thing that is utterly basic is the tracking of my food.   I used to have a rule that I would track my food intake, no matter what!   The process makes me aware and cognizant of what I’m eating.  The process and act of tracking grounds me.  It keeps me honest.  It also reigns me in with my eating.   So even if it’s crazy high food intake, I need to track

Those are the two most basic items that I’m working on right now.   I need to have those two things in place first!  It might be enough to turn the ship around.   :-)

As I get those two items in line I will be starting to focus and think more about what foods I’m eating (that comes naturally for me as I track). It then becomes a ‘is it worth it to eat this and use the calories?  

I am working on this!!!

Weight loss failure

I am such a failure at this weight loss stuff!  Seriously I am a  colossal failure!

I swore that this past week was going to be my epic return to actual weight loss!   However, on this official weigh in day, I find myself still sitting at the upper end of the scales!   I have officially gained 10 pounds since our world went topsy turvy!    

I’m embarrassed. So embarrassed!

Why am I sabotaging myself.   Now let’s be clear,  I’m not standing in the kitchen saying ‘let me self sabotage’.  Of course not!   I actually start each and every day with a positive spin.  ‘Today is going to be the day!’   I track my food!   I get my 64 ounce water jug and my flavored vitamin water ready for the day!

I track my breakfast!  I think to myself, ‘I have this!’   And then sometime ...usually at lunchtime, my good intentions go down the drain...or should I say that the food goes down the hatch ...as I shovel God knows what into my pie hole!   Self control flees and I am left with a terrible sense of failure and I don’t track even a single bite the rest of the day!

That loss of self control then gives me the self perpetuating thoughts of ‘may as well go all in’.  Oh you know the feeling.   It’s that sense of saying ‘I already messed up, I may as well just have the good ...but unhealthy foods for the rest of the day...tomorrow I’ll get back on track’. This past week that brought around a situation where I ate a lot of the rolls from our Texas Roadhouse Takeout order.  

It also led to a package of Red Velvet Chips Ahoy cookies.  I recommend NOT buying them if you are trying to lose weight...they are DELICIOUS!!

I indulge and then I am infused with a sense of guilt.  Luckily the guilt doesn’t spur me to give up.  The guilt I feel each night spurs me to start my next day hot on the trail of weight loss.   I prepare my water and track my breakfast!

I can do it I tell myself.   But then it’s like it is a wash rinse repeat deal....and somewhere around lunchtime I lose all vestige of self control!

It doesn’t help that my ribs are still giving me a pretty good amount of pain.  (Will this pain ever end?). So just the thought of exercise makes me cringe.   I have been walking after work....but only because Jason asks me to walk with him when I get off work and when I waffle about going he says ‘I’m going if you go or not...’ and I drag my butt out the door.  (Thank you Jason!). 

I don’t have a magic solution to fix this.  I want to lose weight so badly.   I fear what is going to happen to me if I do not get this under control.  Meanwhile, it’s early morning on the first day of my weight week...my water is prepared, my breakfast is tracked....I’m starting the day and week out strong!

Weekend fun

I am not sure if my weekend fun is coming back to haunt me or if I am just still much further away from recovery then I think and want to be aftermy bike accident...but boy oh boy do my ribs hurt today.

We had a nice weekend.  We saw our mothers to wish them Happy Mother’s Day and that was nice.  On Sunday we decided to go for a bike ride.

I’m not going to lie.  I was nervous about getting back on my bike.   It’s not that I’m afraid of riding...or even wrecking again!!!  I am afraid of actually falling on my ribs!!!  The pain if I fell would do me in I fear!  

But we had a good ride.  No accidents !   I did take some Advil as a preemptive strike against any pain before we went out.   I won’t lie and say it felt great.  But it didn’t feel too bad.   

We rode for about 3 hours.  We covered about 23 leisurely miles.   We enjoyed our trip.   While it wasn’t exactly comfortable, it was fun!

Even better, my legs felt fine!  Yay!!!   Now last night I wasn’t hurting any,  but this morning I am in misery with pain...not legs...my ribs!! I don’t know if it’s a side affect of the ride or if I slept wrong.  But eii yiii yii!  (I naturally tend to sleep on my side and my back is where it doesn’t hurt...but I keep waking up laying on my side...and in pain!)

I am happy with my efforts to stay active though!  I want to keep my riding legs so that I can rip down the mountain bike trails when I am feeling better!!!!   And meanwhile, it’s time to get this excess weight off!!!   It’s time!!!

Enough is enough

I’ve had enough.  I know I need to take time to heal.   I know that my body isn’t back to normal.  I know that my injuries are still hanging around.  But enough is enough. It’s time for action, not the time for dreaming!

What am I talking about?   I am talking about saying that it’s time to stop wallowing in pain and start working on this weight loss thing again.

Yes, I’m still on pain    But yesterday I could feel that I turned some sort of corner.  The pain dropped in intensity.  Well maybe not intensity.... but, the pain dropped from constant intensity to bursts of intensity.   The ache is constant still.  I also dressed myself without anyone’s assistance and I did it without crying or gasping in pain!  Go me!

Over this last week, I didn’t go hog wild with my eating.  In terms of weight watcher points, I ate my daily points and all of my weekly points.   In calorie counting terms, I ate around 1600 calories.   By the book, that should be enough for a wee tiny loss!  But  for me that is a maybe maintain (if I’m lucky) but most likely a gain.  Yes, I ate my pain!  I’m a food addict.   I eat every emotion and ever feeling.   I’m not proud of it, but that is unfortunately who I am.

But if this really is a broken rib (ribs) the healing is going to take weeks...6-8 weeks.  I can’t eat my myself silly for that long!   I also can’t go that long without some kind of formal exercise.   And....I started a challenge in the month of May that I am shamelessly copying from Another blog I follow    I started off gung ho...and on day two I fell apart when I had that accident!

Sooo....a week late but here I am, presenting myself for the challenge.   You see.  I may have messed up and/or missed the first week of the challenge but there are still three more weeks where I can have success!  If I throw in the towel and say ‘next month’ I lose three weeks of opportunity!   That would be a travesty!

So here I am....ready to rock out the next three weeks of this challenge.    

So what are the parameters of the challenge?

Here are the goals that were set over at

Lessofme108days

1. Stick to between 1,200 and 1,400 calories a day
2. A minimum of 7,000 steps per day
3. Lose 10 pounds by May 31
4. Post progress on my blog

So how are my goals different?

1.  My calories will be the same....low because that’s where I lose.

2 So I knew that the 7k steps were going to be rough.   I am aiming for 5k OR a bike ride.  (Yes, I plan of still riding).   

3  lose weight...7 pounds is my goal   Since I have ‘lost a week’ I would say that I’m ‘hoping’ for 10 pounds but that may not be realistic. 

4.  Share my progress...of course!  :-)

So here we go.   It’s not going to be easy because the pain does persist, but I can’t lay down and let the weight come back!  I want to win the war against this weight...that means that I need to fight the battles...even when I don’t feel at my best!  

Taking it Easy

Why does this happen to me?  I just start to get into a routine and boom, life happens and upsets the balance!

It happened with my exercise bike this February.  I was riding 3-4 mornings a week.  And then my back got all jacked up and I stopped riding religiously.   The other week I decided to start yoga and I actually was doing it and enjoying it and boom....a bike accident!

Let me tell you.  It’s frustrating!

I am hanging in there with my injuries from my bike crash.    My face doesn’t seem to be as swollen and my lips is no longer puffy.  The eye is still black and blue And the inside of my lip is still sore. 

The bruises are  All. Over. My. Body. And they are still in the process of popping up and getting darker and darker every day.  Jason has made the remark that he almost doesn’t even know where to touch me because it’s either covered with road rash or a bruise.  (Seriously though, it’s not that bad...my left side is almost unmarked by wounds.....almost.) 

The shoulder continues to be the point of worry and pain.   Work has been a bit ‘fun’. (Not the sarcasm).  Anytime I move my right arm from the mouse to the keyboard I am treated to a stabbing pain.  Reaching forward with my right hand to dial a number on my phone is torture.  And don’t even get me started on what a cough, sneeze or even a hiccup feels like.   I can’t bend forward without pain shooting through me. (It’s almost like the weight and pressure of my body is too much)   I finally gave in on Tuesday morning and reached into the medicine cabinet and took some muscle relaxers hoping for relief.  It may have taken the edge off...slightly.  But so minor that I couldn’t even tell for sure.  So today (Wednesday) I am going to up the meds to two pills.  They were prescribed for me last year and the instructions were 1-2 pills every 6 hours as needed.   I don’t like to take pills so I tried to start with the least amount.  Uhh yeah, that did diddly squat.  So I’m going to go big with two!  Hopefully that brings some  relief!

It annoys me...because last year when I was taking this prescription  (along with another temporary prescription med...which I may default to trying also). And my weight popped up.  Grrrr.  At least I know that when I stop that my weight SHOULD drop again...if history stands true.

So I’m frustrated!  I am really frustrated with the slow healing.  And I am extremely annoyed with the interruption of the new habits I was setting for myself!  Yes, I know it’s only been a few days, but I want to see progress with my back and while it’s not exactly getting worse, it’s definitely NOT getting better.

(Not a picture of me...but still funny because that’s what I surely looked like....and it was definitely the same words that I mumbled to Jason shortly after the accident)

A bit of an accident

Oh. My. Word.  How in the world?  I feel like a nincompoop!  

I had a bit of a bicycle accident.  Just a wee accident.

We opted to ride on the canal...most of the mountain bike trails were closed due to the rainy days preceding our ride.  The ride was great!   We saw neat things, I felt great!

I felt so good that when we made it back to the car after an hour and a half of riding we weren’t done.  So we decided to go another 3-4 miles down the canal in the opposite direction.   We reached our turn around point and we decided to ride through the picnic area.   We headed down a hill and it was great!   Until my hat flew off my head.  (Yes, I said hat and not helmet..it was an easy gentle ride on a graded flat surface, I never wear a helmet on the canal!). But, when my hat flew off my head, I jerked and lost control of the bike on a small patch of gravel. At the same time, we assume that I grabbed my left brake...front wheel brakes and locked them up....which caused me to go over the handlebars.   I remember hitting and watching my glasses bend and scrap across my face as I landed. 

You see, I flew and fell face first.  Yes.  Face first.   My bottom lip rolled back as I came to a heaping halt....filling my mouth with dirt and mud and causing lacerations and brush burns inside my mouth.  That was the first thing I noticed as soon as Jason got me untangled from my bike.  

I was shaken up.  Really bad.  Dirt covered my face.  

Why yes, as any true blogger would, I took a picture within a few minutes. I did wait until we got the blood to clot and basically stop but I snapped the pic before we cleaned my face up.  It was obvious that my eye and cheek were swelling mere moments after the accident. 

I eventually got myself up...and back onto the bike.  Why yes, I rode the 3-4 miles back to the car.  Slowly...and crying from the pain in my shoulder/chest/back the whole way.  Not sobbing just silent tears of pain.

So injuries?  

***Cut on my eye and a black eye.

***fat lip and cuts inside my mouth (thankfully my teeth remained intact with no breaks or issues)

***my right arm has a road rash (brush burn)

***bruises all up and down my right hip and leg

***minor brush burns and bruises on various parts of my body.

*** ‘something’ is wrong with my upper right quadrant’. It could be a broken/cracked rib.  It could be a pulled muscle.  It hurts to move in certain ways.  It hurts to bend over.  It hurts to cough....laugh...sneeze.   I am leaning toward a pulled muscle.  I did opt to not go to the ER.  A cracked rib or pulled muscle would just result in an official diagnosis and a bottle of pills  (which I wouldn’t take anyway).   The risks of going into an ER in the middle of a pandemic outweighed the benefits of a true diagnosis! We are watching carefully my heart rate  (which has regulated back to normal after the first 24 hours but boy was it high for quite a few hours) and my breathing (which is fine).  If anything changes I will be at the urgent care quicker than anything!  

I’m healing....slowly...the worst is the pain from the ribs/muscle/whatever.  It is debilitating.  I can’t even dress myself without gasping in pain.  Yes, Jason is dressing me.  Hahaha

The bike injuries?

*** I mangled up my grips.  I will be replacing them as soon as I can!!!  Jason has to put my chain back in place before I ride it...but she seemed to ride ok.

I’m banged up good...but I’ll be ok.   I will never again ride without my helmet.  I still would have gone down.  I would still be bruised and battered and have a fat lip.    I probably wouldn’t have a black eye though!   I also wouldn’t have come close to having some kind of major head injury.    So wear your helmets please!!!!

My downfall

This has been a week of soul searching for me. Deep soul searching.  It has led me to one question.   What is wrong with me?

You may be wondering why I ask this question.  It is born from the fact that I have a pattern.  I immerse myself in a project, hobby or task.  I am all about this task.  But then I ‘lose interest’, grow weary or whatever you want to call it and I leave that hobby in the dust.   Many times, I do circle back around to it eventually, but only for a short period of time.  This leaves me as a Jack of all trades, master of none.  It also leaves me with multiple ideas and projects that are in a semi state of upheaval and half finished projects.

You think I’m jesting?   Let’s see, just in hobbies I have immersed myself in scrapbooking and paper crafts, crochet, quilting, and scrubbie making, just to name a few.  The jack of all trades approach has served me well as I fell into the hobby of miniatures though.  I dabble in all sorts of those hobbies as I complete projects for my dollhouses.

But let’s go further......

  I fell headlong into photography.  I played with my cameras.  I learned. I even earned money with some photographic shoots.  Yet I never became a spectacular photographer to really master the hobby.

I was going to be a writer.  And while I have one self published book , I never marketed it.  Furthermore,  I sit on an unfinished book that is 3/4 of the way written.   I started this book years ago!

YouTube.  Yes, been there done that! (Doing that actually). I have a channel for my weight loss and fitness attempts in conjunction with this channel  I actually really enjoy my channel.  And I have a fair amount of followers.  But I occasionally grow weary of the time it takes to maintain the channel.  

I stumbled upon a video today about an Etsy shop and my mind immediately said ‘that sounds fun’. Maybe I should do that!   I have also dabbled with starting a YouTube channel for my dollhouse and building projects.  (Oh and let’s not forget that I already have a blog for my dollhouse...)

What is wrong with me?   Why can I not settle into one or two ideas and really flesh those ideas out and do them really well?  Why must I jump from idea to idea and never really master anything?  It is frustrating sometimes.

And that brings me to my deep thoughts for the week.  I have picked up some books at the library on my kindle and realized how much I have missed reading.  But when can I find time to read???   I already struggle to get my YouTube videos out...I already struggle to find time to do work on my dollhouses.  Something has to give. So, what do I want to do with my YouTube channel.  It takes time...a lot of time to create and edit and watch videos that are posted by my followers.  Just like it takes time for this blog and my readers here.  I have been failing miserably at following anyone of late...anywhere.  I just don’t have enough time for everything when I add in work and life responsibilities.

I fear that if I give up YouTube that I will regret it.  But it is so time consuming.  So what to do???   I am toying with creating videos when I want just to chronicle my life...not as much weight loss. Just memories!  But I question that decision (which is why I haven’t committed to anything yet).  I do know one thing for certain.  Giving up this blog is not an option.  I realized that really early on in my deep pondering.  I have never not wanted to write here. I have gone through stages where I don’t write as often.  I have gone through periods when I don’t know how I will fit it into my life, but I always wanted to continue and always held the interest.  

Life is crazy and I need to find the balance I crave.  I wish I knew why I jump from project to project and always seem to have a ‘great idea’ floating around in my head.  Or more importantly I wish I knew why I became bored with the implementation of these ideas and dreams.   In the meantime, I will continue to ponder and think of options....and most likely dream up new ideas!

 

As a side note, I just found a challenge set by lessofme108days. And this challenge was made for me.  So I am happy to join in!!!!  The guidelines she has set for herself, that I am shamelessly going to follow?  

1. Stick to between 1,200 and 1,400 calories a day
2. A minimum of 7,000 steps per day
3. Lose 10 pounds by May 31
4. Post progress on my blog

The only change I may make?  The steps.  I am going to try for the 7k steps but my goal will remain the 5k that I currently have!!!

Expect some reports coming your way!!!!

Weight watchers vs Calorie Counting

So this past week I started the great debate in my mind.  Which is better?  Calorie counting or Weight watchers points counting?    How to decide what method to follow????

I started my weight loss journey years ago with some rudimentary calorie counting.  I started with good old pen and paper and a calorie book.  But then I started to use a website, I  believe the website that I used was fitday.com.  Eventually I switched over to Weight Watchers and I had great success with the plan.  I even made lifetime.  But at some point I had issues......I know that some of the issues that I had were in my own head , my attitude and behaviors.  BUT, I also know that when they changed the plan and added so many additional free foods (fruits for one) that I struggled.  I worked the system, even before they added so many free foods.  And it worked for me when the free foods were limited.. Yes, I ate green beans (free) and Sourkraut (also free) and a Wasa cracker (the one I got was free points) EVERY. DAY. FOR. LUNCH.  I ate green beans and sourkraut so much in the year or so it took me to lose my weight that I didn't eat those things for a few years afterward.  But the free foods were limited and so I was limited and restricted.....which for a food addict is a good thing!

When weight watchers stopped working, I started counting calories using myfitnesspal.com.  This works too.  Recently though I had figured out that my body is whacky!  I only lose when my calories are down at about 1200 to 1400 calories.   If I hover around 1400-1600 calories I maintain and anything over that I gain.  I know...I know....this is not typical.  By the numbers I should be losing at 1500 calories...but I can't help it!  It is what it is!

But a month or two ago I decided to rejoin weight watchers.  And I had success for the first few weeks but then it just became a constant struggle.  I want to know why??

So about a week ago, I decided to double track.  I did that for most days this past week.  And I remembered a few things and learned a few things.  Number one....I love the fruit and all of those 'FREE" fruits still do add up in calories.  Number two......my daily points, without my weekly points usually take me right to the 1500 calorie mark.   I have already ascertained that I don't lose at that caloric level!  So maybe it is no wonder that I am not losing.  Those first few weeks on weight watchers, i was gung ho and I ate below my points goal each day......so I was most likely eating down around 1200 calories!  Then when I am 'spot on' and expecting a loss because of being spot on with my points I am really sitting at 1500 calories...which is maintain zone for me.  And Heavens...those weeks when I drill into my weekly points (which I could never eat many of my weekly points....or activity points even way back when I was losing the weight the first time)  I am up in my gain zone!

It all makes sense for me!   So that leaves me with the question........weight watchers points or calorie tracking ?    I haven't decided yet.   They both have certain aspects that I like.  I know that double tracking is just to unwieldy and time consuming. But I just hate to make that decision!   Hmmmm...maybe I will just push off that decision for another week..or two!

Weekly Weigh in

I had a good week.  It was full of revelations and thoughts about where I am and what I am doing in this journey.  I had some victories. I had a failure, well maybe not exactly a failure, but not exactly a victory.   But instead of me beating around the bush and hinting at my weight loss efforts for the week, lets just get right to it!

We got a nice hike in at the beginning of this weigh in week.  It was a fun little hike. 

 It had everything to make it spectacular. It had, pretty scenery, some lessons in the types of trees along the trail via the little markers that dotted the edge of the trail and time spent with Jason!  What could go wrong!  Uhhh, maybe my stumble and fall!  Yes, i fell.....AGAIN!  Why must I be such a clutz?   my right arm was bruised and ached for days, but I was ok.  My gopro took a direct hit, but seems to be doing ok also, even though it is also bruised and dinged up!

Work from home continues to be a joy.  Yes, I am thoroughly enjoying the work from home opportunity that I have been afforded during this time of upheaval in our world.  My cat makes it a bit difficult sometimes for me to work.....and seriously, uncomfortable and awkward at times

Ok, she doesn't always try to clean her behind at my desk...while I'm working. Sometimes she just likes to nap between myself and the keyboards and monitors.

My eating has settled down some.  I have been much more conscious and cognizant of my lunchtime eating and have been starting to get that under control.  I have been doing an intermittent fasting and not eating breakfast.  It is a blessing to not have to worry about that extra opportunity to eat and lose control, but I do find myself hungrier at lunch when I do break that fast, so it makes that a bit trickier to navigate.   But I'm going to figure this out!.

I am still working on the "it's only a day" method of looking at food that I talked about in a post from last week.  It really does work for me for the most part.  

My weight.  GRRRRR   I didn't lose.....I actually gained a bit.  I am just kind of maintaining ...about 5-6 pounds up from my most recent lowest weight.  I'm super happy that the gain-fest is over and that I seem to be maintaining  But I want this weight gone, NOW!  

I am ready for this isolation and quarantine to be lifted.  I enjoy being at home.  I enjoy the time with Jason, as always.  But I am tired of the restrictions of what we can do and where we can go.  Ohhh to go into an antique store and just browse.  How fabulous does that sound about now????   A walk through the mall on a rainy day??   WHy yes please!      Ahhhhh, the things we used to take for granted!

So life continues on.  I am still here and working my weight loss efforts.  I know that I can beat this!  Baby steps and small improvements on attitude  and habits each and every day is what will get me there!!!   I will win this!!!!

Just one day

This struggle to get my eating under control is quite real!!!!   

How is it that I seem to have lost all willpower to control my eating?  But I have!

After my non scale victory and the success in stopping the weight gain, I made a pact with myself.  

Just one day at a time.   I am not promising to eat right for a month or even a week.  I am just trying to do it one day at a time.   I can give up cake for one day.  One little itty bitty day!  Sure I can do that!  What’s one day!

The trick is to remember to make that vow each and every morning!!!!!   When I do....success comes my way!!!

Weigh in....or not

How did I fail to write my weekly weigh in blog and get it posted when I needed it to be posted?   Apparently I forgot Friday’s post also!  But no fears, I have some stuff floating around in my head for the post that I didn’t write...it will get out here eventually!!!

Let me not beat around the bush.  I maintained last week!   I didn’t lose.  But even more importantly, I didn’t gain!  That maintain is HUGE!   Why? I have been on a gaining spiral since our world went topsy turvy!    So stopping that bad spiral is a huge victory!!!

Even more?  I had a huge non scale victory!  You see, we took our first mountain bike ride!  And while I didn’t actually ‘nail it’, I didn’t die!   I also didn’t cry! And yes I have cried on the trail on more than one occasion!  I also did not have to stop on any incline!  I pedaled my way through the trails that we hit without letting up!  Sure, I was slow....but I did it!

We even got in a hike and a lot of walks throughout the week!

A victory like that bike ride was and is huge for me!  I needed to see a little success!  I needed something in this weight loss journey to be positive.   I won’t say it was the kick in the butt that I needed, but it was much needed to take away that huge feeling of failure that I had been dealing with!

So that is where I am at.  I’m still struggling a bit with my eating.  But I’m still here and not giving up.  I have my good moments and I have my bad moments...food is just my addiction and it’s...well it’s hard!   But I’m working on it!  That in itself is a victory!!!