Friday, May 15, 2020

Weight loss failure

I am such a failure at this weight loss stuff!  Seriously I am a  colossal failure!

I swore that this past week was going to be my epic return to actual weight loss!   However, on this official weigh in day, I find myself still sitting at the upper end of the scales!   I have officially gained 10 pounds since our world went topsy turvy!    

I’m embarrassed. So embarrassed!

Why am I sabotaging myself.   Now let’s be clear,  I’m not standing in the kitchen saying ‘let me self sabotage’.  Of course not!   I actually start each and every day with a positive spin.  ‘Today is going to be the day!’   I track my food!   I get my 64 ounce water jug and my flavored vitamin water ready for the day!

I track my breakfast!  I think to myself, ‘I have this!’   And then sometime ...usually at lunchtime, my good intentions go down the drain...or should I say that the food goes down the hatch I shovel God knows what into my pie hole!   Self control flees and I am left with a terrible sense of failure and I don’t track even a single bite the rest of the day!

That loss of self control then gives me the self perpetuating thoughts of ‘may as well go all in’.  Oh you know the feeling.   It’s that sense of saying ‘I already messed up, I may as well just have the good ...but unhealthy foods for the rest of the day...tomorrow I’ll get back on track’. This past week that brought around a situation where I ate a lot of the rolls from our Texas Roadhouse Takeout order.  

It also led to a package of Red Velvet Chips Ahoy cookies.  I recommend NOT buying them if you are trying to lose weight...they are DELICIOUS!!

I indulge and then I am infused with a sense of guilt.  Luckily the guilt doesn’t spur me to give up.  The guilt I feel each night spurs me to start my next day hot on the trail of weight loss.   I prepare my water and track my breakfast!

I can do it I tell myself.   But then it’s like it is a wash rinse repeat deal....and somewhere around lunchtime I lose all vestige of self control!

It doesn’t help that my ribs are still giving me a pretty good amount of pain.  (Will this pain ever end?). So just the thought of exercise makes me cringe.   I have been walking after work....but only because Jason asks me to walk with him when I get off work and when I waffle about going he says ‘I’m going if you go or not...’ and I drag my butt out the door.  (Thank you Jason!). 

I don’t have a magic solution to fix this.  I want to lose weight so badly.   I fear what is going to happen to me if I do not get this under control.  Meanwhile, it’s early morning on the first day of my weight water is prepared, my breakfast is tracked....I’m starting the day and week out strong!


Anonymous said...

just stop buying junk....packaged food, sugar stuff, BREAD, carbohydrates. If it's not a fresh or frozen vegetable or a meat or skim milk: DON'T BUY IT. Soon you will stop craving it. Have frozen mixed berries on hand for a sweet treat. NO BREAD.

peppylady (Dora) said...

Wish I knew the answer, I don't know. Just a real naughty day is on Tuesday and I still try to keep in check.
Plus we all fall of the wagon, and quickly get back on it.

Shelley said...

Those Texas Roadhouse rolls are amazing, I can attest to that! I remember back in my dieting days, I would ask the server to not bring them to the table (sob!) and I'd also order a salad for my side (so yes, I was getting two salads with my small steak). There definitely are sacrifices you have to make to lose weight.

That said, the Covid weight gain is happening to most of us. It's hard to stay inside and not wander to the kitchen. Like the first commenter, I try to not buy a lot of junk food because I'll eat it. But my corona candy stash is still there, not gonna lie.

Anonymous said...

First i want to say that I read your blog daily. I've never commented. But today I have to. Second let me say this: You are such a beautiful woman!! And all you do is bash yourself. You have beautiful eyes and gorgeous hair and a boyfriend who loves you for you! Not how much you weigh.

I really wish you could just relax and not worry so much about the scale or what you posted on your blog and who you have to apologize to....

Maybe its time to relax your poor brain and just enjoy your life and who you have and all the adventures of what you do. Your out there doing some great things! Maybe you can just be with out the worry of a pound. Listen, I get it. I've struggled my whole life and its SUCKS so bad. But! Then I said I have to do this on my own accord When the time is right for ME. Not everyone else.

Take the summer and give yourself a nice break of the worry and maybe you'll see something magical happen, some natural loss! :)

You 've got this... I just wish you would not be so embarrassed to us, or yourself or anyone. Its not our business to judge you!

Take care of you!

Mrs Swan said...

I feel this 100%. I really felt this Tuesday 2 weeks ago when I was stuffing my pie hole. I recovered then fell again last weekend thanks to sour patch kids (never cared for them in past but now they are life) I cleaned up yet again Tuesday and recovered. Yesterday was not a bad day but my lunch in the car to hospital was high carb and technically blew my day. (Keto 20ish carbs and 10 peice chicken nug 24 carbs) usually at that point I would do the f it now I am all in like you describe. Hopefully I am back in the right track though because I did not buy Lucky Charms at the store and I did not touch the sour patch kids in pantry . One thing I did do though is Wed after kid dentist appts I went to GNC and got Smart Sweets in sour patch and swedish fish "flavors" so i knew I had those if I wanted them. Not the same of course but something.

Good luck girlie! You know we are rooting for you. Something is going on you have to get past/figure ou . I wish I had some insight. 10lbs is survival though so keep that in mind. You gotta do what you gotta do to keep your mental sanity. My email is always open.

Luck Charms- I will polish off the whole box in 1 to 2 days by myself. Once of my keep this shit out of the house foods.

Anonymous said...

First of all you are no failure. The only failure is to not try. You have lost weight. You have lost and keeping 100 pounds off. That isn’t failing in my book. There is still work to be done but there’s no finish line in weight loss. I have gained the last few months and know I must turn the bus around. I know what I need to do and so do you. For me, I have to keep the crap out of my house. If it is here, I eat it. Don’t give up.

Paula C

MaryFran said...

I have been trying to do that. Jason however doesn’t have a weight problem and he eats that stuff. It really is going to be a willpower deal for me!

MaryFran said...

My naughty meal is usually Friday nights...and When I’m on track, that tends to be pretty tame in terms of calories/points!

MaryFran said...

I threw the rest of those wonderful rolls away. I honestly think a tear slid down my cheek as I watched them fall into the trash can!

MaryFran said...

Thank you for your kind words! Your words brought tears to my eyes because the were so kind and thoughtful! I am definitely taking your words to heart and I am going to be implementing some of your thoughts. I am not jumping into a weight loss journey full bore. I am just going to try to implement small changes that will bring about healthier habits. I am tracking again and focusing on drinking enough water. Other than that...just living my life.

MaryFran said...

Yes it sounds as if you have been living a parallel life to mine...start good and then fall...pick back up and then fall! You’ve taken some amazingly awesome steps to stop the cycle though! Great job!!!

MaryFran said...

We can do this....even if to just stop the gain! That is the worst for me...fear that I keep gaining and regain that 100!!

Anonymous said...

" Jason however doesn’t have a weight problem and he eats that stuff. It really is going to be a willpower deal for me! "

In weight-loss circles I believe he would be seen as a saboteur of your goals. I'm sure he does not want to be that, so he no doubt will keep that bad junk food out of your house too.