Thursday, April 30, 2020

My downfall

This has been a week of soul searching for me. Deep soul searching.  It has led me to one question.   What is wrong with me?

You may be wondering why I ask this question.  It is born from the fact that I have a pattern.  I immerse myself in a project, hobby or task.  I am all about this task.  But then I ‘lose interest’, grow weary or whatever you want to call it and I leave that hobby in the dust.   Many times, I do circle back around to it eventually, but only for a short period of time.  This leaves me as a Jack of all trades, master of none.  It also leaves me with multiple ideas and projects that are in a semi state of upheaval and half finished projects.

You think I’m jesting?   Let’s see, just in hobbies I have immersed myself in scrapbooking and paper crafts, crochet, quilting, and scrubbie making, just to name a few.  The jack of all trades approach has served me well as I fell into the hobby of miniatures though.  I dabble in all sorts of those hobbies as I complete projects for my dollhouses.

But let’s go further......

  I fell headlong into photography.  I played with my cameras.  I learned. I even earned money with some photographic shoots.  Yet I never became a spectacular photographer to really master the hobby.

I was going to be a writer.  And while I have one self published book , I never marketed it.  Furthermore,  I sit on an unfinished book that is 3/4 of the way written.   I started this book years ago!

YouTube.  Yes, been there done that! (Doing that actually). I have a channel for my weight loss and fitness attempts in conjunction with this channel  I actually really enjoy my channel.  And I have a fair amount of followers.  But I occasionally grow weary of the time it takes to maintain the channel.  

I stumbled upon a video today about an Etsy shop and my mind immediately said ‘that sounds fun’. Maybe I should do that!   I have also dabbled with starting a YouTube channel for my dollhouse and building projects.  (Oh and let’s not forget that I already have a blog for my dollhouse...)

What is wrong with me?   Why can I not settle into one or two ideas and really flesh those ideas out and do them really well?  Why must I jump from idea to idea and never really master anything?  It is frustrating sometimes.

And that brings me to my deep thoughts for the week.  I have picked up some books at the library on my kindle and realized how much I have missed reading.  But when can I find time to read???   I already struggle to get my YouTube videos out...I already struggle to find time to do work on my dollhouses.  Something has to give. So, what do I want to do with my YouTube channel.  It takes time...a lot of time to create and edit and watch videos that are posted by my followers.  Just like it takes time for this blog and my readers here.  I have been failing miserably at following anyone of late...anywhere.  I just don’t have enough time for everything when I add in work and life responsibilities.

I fear that if I give up YouTube that I will regret it.  But it is so time consuming.  So what to do???   I am toying with creating videos when I want just to chronicle my life...not as much weight loss. Just memories!  But I question that decision (which is why I haven’t committed to anything yet).  I do know one thing for certain.  Giving up this blog is not an option.  I realized that really early on in my deep pondering.  I have never not wanted to write here. I have gone through stages where I don’t write as often.  I have gone through periods when I don’t know how I will fit it into my life, but I always wanted to continue and always held the interest.  

Life is crazy and I need to find the balance I crave.  I wish I knew why I jump from project to project and always seem to have a ‘great idea’ floating around in my head.  Or more importantly I wish I knew why I became bored with the implementation of these ideas and dreams.   In the meantime, I will continue to ponder and think of options....and most likely dream up new ideas!
As a side note, I just found a challenge set by lessofme108days. And this challenge was made for me.  So I am happy to join in!!!!  The guidelines she has set for herself, that I am shamelessly going to follow?  
  1. Stick to between 1,200 and 1,400 calories a day
  2. A minimum of 7,000 steps per day
  3. Lose 10 pounds by May 31
  4. Post progress on my blog
The only change I may make?  The steps.  I am going to try for the 7k steps but my goal will remain the 5k that I currently have!!!

Expect some reports coming your way!!!!


Anonymous said...

I admire you for trying all types of activities. I am always cautious. Especially if it is an activity that involves money. The only way to figure out if you like something is to try. My father always told me that the only failure is the failure to try. My problem is I focus so much on diet related activities that I don’t ever try things outside that arena. I guess part of me is wanting to check that off my list before I do anything else. But then life goes by and I haven’t done a thing. I enjoy your blog and glad you have chosen to continue.

Paula C

peppylady (Dora) said...

If we all can answer question about our self we wouldn't have any issue or problems in our life.
My father in law bought a camera and took tons of photo of birds, and yes they were good and all of that. No other photos. Just birds.
One day he decided not do any photo and he gave all his camera gear to one of his sons.

For me I have way to many project going. And now I been cleaning one of the bed room and I run into something. And see possibilities and I have to talk my self out of it...To many irons in the fire.

I should and know should have this weight off before this. It not easy there more then the physical part of it. there the spiritual, (Not be religious) mental, and emotional part. There a lot of things we can do with out in our life. But food and water isn't one of them. I look forward to see how my blogging friends are doing. Wish you all the best

MaryFran said...

There is a fine line for sure. A fine line between allowing ourselves to try new things and jumping on every bandwagon! Maybe we need to hook up...we would make a good mix!

MaryFran said...

The weight loss is its own separate ‘hobby’ isn’t it???