Up from the Ashes

What in the world to name this post.  Cobbled?  Hot Hobble? Chipmunks? Eiii Yiii Yii? Excuses?  Addiction Transference? Plans for fun? This morning as I was thinking about writing it, I thought of all of these and some more.    So many options...maybe while I actually write this post I'll come up with the perfect title.  Typically I don't title my posts to the end anyway...so who knows what will be the winner!

Excuses
I made a few vows that I would be running as soon as we moved.  Well, the first days were so brutal with the move that I didn't run..  Then  we struggled with exhaustion that first week....so I didn't run.  But I swore that week two was going to be the week!   It was cold!   Then one night I was driving home and there were some rain drops on the windshield!!!  Yes!  There were!  Then I didn't want to take time from my precious time with Jason one night.    But on Friday morning I sat at my desk at work and made the vow....that night FOR SURE.  Furthermore, I would run both mornings of the weekend! 

Yes!  I came up with a plan.  If I ran both mornings of the weekend...then to get my third run in for the week I would just need to run 1 time through the week.  Not perfect, but it could work!  I would make it work!    With my plan in place, I grinned when the clock showed that it was time for lunch.  The weather was FABULOUS and i was going to walk around the lake!  I grabbed my phone and my 'portable lunch'  (apple, oranges and some pretzels) and headed out.

Hot Hobble
Now let me say..the weather was amazing so I decided to wear a skirt...and i was so amazing that I grabbed sandals to wear to work.  Halfway around the lake and I knew that I had made a colossal mistake!  Hot spots on the balls of my feet AND on the sides of my feet.  What do you do at that point?  I was halfway around the lake???  Either way I went I had to walk.   I crossed my fingers.  I did some praying and I hobbled back to work.  My feet were so sore!  I knew that running was going to be sketchy!  After All, even barefoot I could barely walk!  No running for me on Friday night.

Saturday morning dawned and my right foot was pretty much better but the left one was still kicking.  No running for me on Saturday either. 

Plans for Fun

Saturday was not lost though.  We did our grocery shopping and then headed out on our bikes.  WOO HOO!  It was a much easier ride than last week!   It still 'hurt' a bit but the ride was quite pleasant.  As always, we talked quite a bit while we rode.  We talked about running in the evening versus morning. (he prefers me to ride in the evening as it is light versus the morning when it is still dark).  We talked about starting to walk a bit in the evenings also.  We also talked about a new bike purchase for me!  Now that sounds fun doesn't it????

Cobbled

Sunday morning came and I laid in bed.  I knew I had to start this running thing.. I dreaded it, but I knew that I needed to start it!   It was happening.  And then I thought about the fact that since my last time I ran, I switched phones!   I have NO music loaded onto my phone.  Cobble number one:  So I grabbed some free music player with free music for a quick fix.  Crisis averted.    Oh no!  I don't have mapmyfitness on my bike either  Cobble/fix number two:  A quick download and log in an I was set with that too.   I got dressed and grabbed my gear and stood at the door ready to go.  I slipped my headphones onto my head.   NOTHING!  Well duh!  Why would they be working after 9 plus months of sitting in the box?  Of course they would need recharged!!!  Cobble number three:  Luckily I had the earbuds that came with my new phone still in a box and even amidst a recent move, I knew where the box was!  I hate earbuds!  I had wired headphones.  But I used them!

Eiii Yiii Yii

Our apartment complex is on a road that is a loop.....it is a 1.21 mile loop.  And it was a brutal loop!  Surprisingly it was my feet that hurts....they just ached!  And yes, I count that 1.21 miles as a victory!

Chipmunks

So I said earlier that I cobbled together some music options for my run this morning.  I just grabbed some free music.  Well some were apparently 'covers'.  So while I did get to listen to twisted sister in all their 80's glory....I was forced to listen to P!nk's "Fun House"  done by what sounded like the chipmunks.  It was......interesting to say the least.


Victory

I did it though!  I ran!   I may even get a bike ride in today also!

Addiction Transference

I know that I have a food addiction.  I've known it for quite some time.   I know that I was beating that addiction back when I was losing all that weight.  And I know that in recent months and years that the addiction has been beating me.  I have been talking a lot in recent years about how I do not want to live like a 'Nazi' with no sweat treats....with no pizza...and no other foods that I love.  I want to find that healthy happy medium.   This morning it occurred to me that when I was 'winning' at the weight loss , I really wasn't really winning, I had just transferred that addiction.  My new addiction at that time?  I was totally addicted to that caloric budget.  I felt 'high' and on top of the world when I was winning that war.    I was addicted to the weight loss regime.  And when I lost the battle and that weight loss regime wasn't 'doing it' for me, I went right back to the original addiction of food.  Hand in hand but still addictions.  Some people get addicted to exercise (our neighbor runs ALL the time....at least so it seems,) some people take pills, others drink alcohol,etc)   I am addicted to food...and apparently I can transfer that addiction to the 'diet regime'.  But I don't want either addiction....I want the happy medium. 

And yes, that might mean that I ride a bike like a mad woman for 3 hours so I can enjoy that delicious pizza....or cake...or whatever.  But it's a FUN ride that I would be doing anyway....and it's food that I enjoy.  It's balance and moderation...not riding 6 hours and then eating a dry piece of lettuce.  Not eating a dry piece of lettuce and then moaning about the outrageous calories I just ate.   Balance!


So how to sum up this post with a singular title?  Wow....Chipmunks still makes me laugh, but that is just one teeny tiny aspect of this post.  Hmmmm.....I think I have it.  Up from the ashes!  As low as I was this week in a previous post....I have pulled myself together and I am rising like a phoenix from the ashes!

Tub of Lard

Warning!!!  Embarrassing post alert!!

I sat at my desk yesterday while at work and beat myself up. There was some real self hatred going on. To sum it up, I’m not happy with my weight at all. Yet I can’t seem to get control of this addiction.

I had the revelations on Sunday   Yes the ones I spoke about in my last post. The revelations were about how far my fitness level has dropped. And while that did play a factor into my thinking yesterday, that still wasn’t the reason I was filled with self-hatred. OK at least not the main reason.

On Tuesday I noticed that my pants waist band/button had rubbed my overhanging stomach again. I’ve talked about this in the past.  It’s  embarrassing. Very embarrassing. I had a Band-Aid covering it yesterday but it was still very sensitive. I felt poured into my clothes.

You know, I have this weird weird sense inside me that if I just suck in my gut that  I won’t look fat. But yesterday nothing I did, no matter how tight I sucked in my gut made me feel presentable to the world. Now before we go on, I know that I’m overweight and I know that just sucking my gut in like that and doesn’t hide my true weight. But it makes me feel better.  But not yesterday.  I feel as if I have crossed the line, some invisible line where I feel yuh of lard...even when my gut is sucked!

Oh and as I mentioned earlier, I’m struggling to gain any control over myself. I feel so out of control.

And so it’s been a week of revelations and epiphanies. And they haven’t been good ones. 

So what have I done? This week I have started tracking my food. I haven’t eliminated the cookies, but I have drastically limited them (one cookie a day).  And my calories aren’t perfect but I am trying. I am also weighing myself every day… Or at least trying to remember to. I know that when I was losing those were two habits that I kept.

We are eating more vegetables and  fruits, and I still am planning on re-commencing with running. We have also talked about taking walks in the evening together. Honestly my biggest deterrent from running in the evening is that it takes time away from my time with Jason.  Yeah I’m sappy.

So rough week of a lot of revelations that I did not like. I’m not promising that this week is going to be different or next week is going to be different. I have an addiction. And while I know that ultimately I am in control, I know that a lot of times this food addiction controls me.  My goals for this week track and weigh.   Baby steps and I will gain control!

Top O’ The World

I was going to start running when we moved… Really I was! But let me backtrack and talk about the move and how  my back was aching so bad, and Jason’s knee with kicking  something fierce. We had some choices to make, so we kind of just grabbed the necessary things. My brother and his family helped and they got everything of mine with the exception of maybe five or six boxes and bins. So I woke up on Saturday morning thinking this is the day I’m going to go run. Until I remembered that my running clothes and gear was in one of the boxes that was still at my mothers house. Oops!  I have that stuff in my possession now so there should be no excuses for this week.

Food wise I am doing OK actually, for the most part. Jason and I are making a conscious effort to beef up the amounts of vegetables and fruit we have in the house. And we are eating them and loving them. We are eating at home and doing pretty good with that.  Of course that first sentence of this paragraph included the words for the most part… So there is a negative.  For Christmas I gave Jason a VW bus cookie cutter and a VW bug cookie cutter.  It came with a ‘lifetime supply of cookies. Now that we are together it was time for me to start keeping my part of that lifetime supply!  I made cookies this weekend… They are delicious and I ate too many yesterday. 

They are not pretty...the cake decorating icing bag  I was using popped a seam and well...I stopped caring about ‘pretty’ after that happened.

My weight seems to be hovering in a 2-3 pound range.  . It was low on Saturday morning and high this morning.  And the same all last week..up, down, up, down.   No surprise… Considering I just talked about the cookies.

We finally got out on our  bikes! Yup, we went out this weekend!  First time this year. I was sore… Really sore. But we have to start somewhere it’ll only get better the more I do it.

Which brings me to what has been on my mind a lot lately. Fitness levels. How quickly they go away… Well it seems quick to me. So I’m going to take a little walk through history…because it shows how it happened.

Fall of 2014. I weighed 220 pounds, and I was  dropping.  (I actually think I saw 215 at one point, maybe lower). I was going to Zumba three nights a week and sometimes doing back to back classes. I was running 3 to 4 times a week, most of those runs were  between three and 6 miles. I felt fabulous. Physically and emotionally because I was beating this food addiction and curse.

In 2015… I divorced and moved in with my parents. Eating healthy was no longer an easy option, and as my mother bakes for two markets there was always delicious baked goods at my disposal. I gained 20 pounds. I continued my heavy load of Zumba and running. The extra weight slowed down my running pace but I was still really active and in pretty good shape. 

2016, and Zumba ended. I was sad on many levels… Zumba have been a social outlet, and emotional crutch through my divorce, and a huge portion of my fitness activity. Jason and I hiked a lot that year! Like a lot of miles! Our schedules also allowed us to go for long walks every evening, or at least most evenings. It was nothing that summer for us to walk five or 6 miles in the evening (and I usually ran 2-4 times a week in the morning).  Every evening. Yes hiking hurt a little bit sometimes… Like up some mad Mountain or vicious trail, but it was good. That fall Jason and I added breaking into our repertoire of activity. Our first ride was sore but not buffalo … We were still pretty active and that fitness level showed when we picked up biking. 

2017… And here is where it all started to go to pot. It took about a year for me to see physical signs that my fitness levels from Zumba we’re starting to fade. Little things flexibility, strength, balance, Etc. We were still active on the weekends and evenings. At least the first couple months of the year. And then we made some changes in our work, which changed our schedules. We stopped walking at night… Or if we did we were lucky to get in 1 mile. I couldn’t fit runs it to my daily routine I was already waking up at 5 AM and not getting home until 8 PM, and I was constantly exhausted (3 to 4 hours in a car a day is way. Too much). We still did active things on the weekend, and I did walk on my lunch breaks, but it just wasn’t enough.

So now it’s 2018 and here I am sitting in the worst physical shape I have been in in probably 10 years.   And I don’t like it!!!!   I don’t look forward to the aches and pains of rebuilding my fitness level...nor do I look forward to the dread of starting each day knowing how ‘bad’ it may feel.  But, I do look forward to that ‘Top O’ the World’ feeling I get from being active and conquering this food addiction. 

I’ve got this!!!!!!

Exhaustion

I am so tired! Physically and mentally. The move was pretty rough. We went into the move with a really bad knee and a bad back. There was one morning where I woke up and I couldn’t stand straight up because my back was hurting that bad. A heap of praying and a handful of Advil seemed to do the trick. Jason‘s knee settled down once we were able to stop  climbing up and down the steps carrying heavy items. We are probably 98% moved. There are probably three or four boxes still at my moms house. There are also one or two or maybe three large bulky and heavy pieces of furniture. We knew the way we were feeling that carting  a recliner up to The third floor was not a good choice. Likewise with the bulky corner cupboard. Nothing that is necessary for survival for a couple weeks. My brother and sister-in-law and their kids saved the day on Sunday when they helped us with a huge load of stuff after Easter lunch.

On Monday we kicked butt on Sunday evening and all day Monday with the unpacking. By Monday night we were mostly done. On Monday we got Internet and cable and on Tuesday our new couch was delivered. Tuesday was a day of rest. We did one or two errands made a meal or two and simply because baking is synonymous with Home for me, I baked a strawberry cake. (Which might I add I found a delicious recipe!)

The day of rest is over and it is back to work today. And I’m still tired and achy.

One would think that all of this activity would show me down on the scales. Wouldn’t that be nice?  Not so,

I am up about 2 pounds. I know my water consumption has been horrible, I know my scales are finicky when you move them a little bit....so moving the scales could make a difference of a few pounds, and I know my muscles are sore and probably filled with water from the heavy workouts of moving. So I am not going to stress it. 

Running? Not yet I’m too tired to achy. But it is coming.

Mertz my cat is a totally different cat at the new place. She seems to have more confidence. Before she would hide almost all the time. Thw last few days she’s been out almost constantly with us. Last night she even spent quite a bit of time laying on the couch with us. For Mertz this is huge. It’s been fun to watch her transformation

We have been eating at home and adding more veggies into our diet.   

Gearing up!

Well, I just realized that I did not post anything last week. So let’s just get last weeks  weight out-of-the-way.  I maintained. I’m actually OK with a maintain  for last week. About two or three weeks ago I had decided that I was going to try to make wise choices with my eating but not worry about my weight until we move.  There are so many factors into that. Lack of prep time for food, limited kitchen use, stress of moving and packing, stress of mother crying about the aforementioned  move and just the normal issues I have had in the last couple years where I’m living.

So this past weekend I was packing, and I almost packed my scales. Seriously, I had made the decision to not worry about my weight… So why even weigh in. I couldn’t do it though! The scales stayed out because I have a weekly weigh in every Wednesday morning!   Well it’s Wednesday morning and I stepped on the scales.   I was pleasantly surprised.  I was down about two pounds. I’ll take it!  And for the record, the scale is now packed.

Including today (Wednesday), two days of work and two more sleeps before we move. I am absolutely giddy with excitement! I am concerned about my lower back, it has been tender for the last couple weeks. Luckily most of our furniture is light weight and we have a dolly.  We  also opted to pay for delivery for some new furniture… Namely a heavy couch.  But yeah...lots of lifting and carrying.   Oh and did I mention it’s a third floor apartment?  No elevator????   Yeah we wanted top floor...that was our first choice!   As for steps....good for us!!

We are both excited about beginning this new stage and phase of life and our enhancing our relationship and we are ready to do it with healthy habits. We have eaten so poorly of late that we are both excited about the fruits and vegetables and healthier choices that we will be more easily able to make. No promises when I begin, it will depend upon my back and how I handle the move.....But I’m also really looking forward to getting back into running. 

I’m gearing up for great things! In so many areas of my life love, wait, running. Life is full of promise and hope!!

Weigh in

So my weekly weigh in....246.    Still down from my high weight from the first of the year...but up from previous weeks.   But I know I did it to myself so I can’t say anything.

I’m keeping my food in check thus far this week.   And I’m tracking....so I know for SURE that I’m on target.  

That’s all.  For weight at least.

Back pain....yes my back has been so tender as of late. Is it my mattress (it was cheap when I bought it..and getting old)?  My excess weight?   My posture?   My lack of exercise?   I don’t know but I’m concerned...we are moving in 16 days...   so I am trying to stretch it...exercise it.  And I am working on my posture!  At work mostly.   I slouch in my desk chair...bad!  So the first thing I did was lock my work chair in the upright position.    Wow...that is rough ...so different!    The next thing I noticed?  When sitting straight I typically like to tuck my leg under me...sitting on one leg or the other.   This one is hard to break too!     But I’m trying! (I feel as if I’m falling out of the chair when my leg is not tucked!!).  The third thing I noticed...I usually lean to the left.  Even sitting up straight I lost leftward.   Changes...hard to fix but I’m working!

Moving....I am sooooo excited!   I have to curb my excitement because anytime I mention it near mom she bursts into tears.  I fairness, know that it’s probably worse because of dad dying...but she was lamenting me moving out months before Jason and I even made any plans.  She would make comments like ‘I just know you and Jason are going to want to live together someday and leave dad and I and I don’t want you to move.” And she would cry...months before dad got really ill.    So I’m constantly trying to curb my excitement!   Last. Igor I slipped and said ‘17 more sleeps’ and she just sobbed.   Sigh...........it’s hard being so excited but being made to feel bad about it.

16 more sleeps!!!!!!!

Weigh in

So my weekly weigh in....246.    Still down from my high weight from the first of the year...but up from previous weeks.   But I know I did it to myself so I can’t say anything.

I’m keeping my food in check thus far this week.   And I’m tracking....so I know for SURE that I’m on target.  

That’s all.  For weight at least.

Back pain....yes my back has been so tender as of late. Is it my mattress (it was cheap when I bought it..and getting old)?  My excess weight?   My posture?   My lack of exercise?   I don’t know but I’m concerned...we are moving in 16 days...   so I am trying to stretch it...exercise it.  And I am working on my posture!  At work mostly.   I slouch in my desk chair...bad!  So the first thing I did was lock my work chair in the upright position.    Wow...that is rough ...so different!    The next thing I noticed?  When sitting straight I typically like to tuck my leg under me...sitting on one leg or the other.   This one is hard to break too!     But I’m trying! (I feel as if I’m falling out of the chair when my leg is not tucked!!).  The third thing I noticed...I usually lean to the left.  Even sitting up straight I lost leftward.   Changes...hard to fix but I’m working!

Moving....I am sooooo excited!   I have to curb my excitement because anytime I mention it near mom she bursts into tears.  I fairness, know that it’s probably worse because of dad dying...but she was lamenting me moving out months before Jason and I even made any plans.  She would make comments like ‘I just know you and Jason are going to want to live together someday and leave dad and I and I don’t want you to move.” And she would cry...months before dad got really ill.    So I’m constantly trying to curb my excitement!   Last. Igor I slipped and said ‘17 more sleeps’ and she just sobbed.   Sigh...........it’s hard being so excited but being made to feel bad about it.

16 more sleeps!!!!!!!

Disgust

Yes I have been missing in action...and yes that usually means bad things on a weigh loss blog.

Crazily enough I have been holding on...staying within. A few pound range. Not really gaining...not really losing.  The bad part?  It’s not a weight range that I want to be in!!!

So I made a vow to work on this during the yalear 2018.  Thus far it’s been a bit of a failure. I want  to say colossal, but I am down about a pound...but for 2.5 months that’s not much...but it’s not a gain and it is a tiny tiny loss so it’s not a colossal failure!!!

On New Years I also vowed that my eating like crazy to the point of sickness was ending too.  Yeah this past weekend I did it again!

What is my problem??  Seriously?  

My clothes feel tight and icky and I’m just not happy!!

I have a good friend that is killing this weight loss thing this year.   She is doing amazing!!!   She is inspiring me to get serious!!!!!

But right now...I’m just disgusted with myself!!!

Insanity

Ok….the scoop.   

I started the month at 247.2 (and the year)

Two weeks ago I was 244.  

Last week with the ick and whatever I was at 246 and some change

Today I was at 245.2.

 

So……a victory for this one week….. with a loss of 0.8

A Victory for the month with a loss of 2 pounds

A fail in that I didn’t recoup last weeks ‘ick’ weigh gain.

A fail in that 2 pounds for the month is NOT MUCH…not to mention that 2 pounds for two months is worse!

 

What gets me is that I am a creature of habit….I eat pretty much the exact same thing week in and week out. (That will change some when we move…especially since Jason is seriously talking about reviving his plan to start juicing…for breakfast and lunch….and then a normal dinner…which will be healthier since we will be eating at home and cooking versus going out….and yes we are excited about it!)  But back to the creature of habit.  I ate the same to things for those first two weeks that I ate the last two weeks.  It’s NUTS!  But then who said that weight loss efforts were sane and full of common sense!

 

But I’m not giving up….I will figure out this insanity!

Meanwhile Jason and I continue to pack and purge and prepare for our move!!!  And well...some fun here and there too!!

Feast or famine

So apparently my weight loss results are either feast or famine!    The first two weeks of the month I was killing it on the scales!  I was feeling strong and confident.

And then this week rolled around.  My weight was up on the scales for my official weigh in!   Grrrr! 

My eating was pretty good.  I had my  splurge day on Saturday....but every other day was in line!!!  

  I did eat some heavier sodium foods this week.    My monthly visitor (aka the ick) has arrived.   I haven’t been doing as well with water consumption. 

But I was up!!!   I’m not happy!

Even worse?  Some of my pants are feeling tighter.  What’s up with that???

So I’m just not happy and feeling a bit defeated!

Politically incorrect

I’m a retard!!  That’s all I can say!!!

So the other day I had a fabulous weigh in.  I even wrote that there was some disbelief at the weigh in numbers!    

Let me back track and say that I had done a sneak peek at the scales a day or two before that weigh in and saw the scales down by a pound.   So I was expecting a loss.  But I kinda forgot about that weigh in when I saw the scales on Wednesday morning.

Yet the loss of 5.6 pounds was incredible.  Shock awe and disbelief!

On the way home from work on Wednesday night it just hit me.  Instead of 240.0.  I bet it said 244.0.    I was weighing myself before 5AM so it was  not out of the realm of possibility that I was half asleep, half comatose and just not with it and read it wrong.    

I thought about it the whole drive home.  And then I remembered that sneak peek on the scales that showed me down by about a pound...only a day or two before! Hold the horses....that would mean a 4 pound loss in just a day...no flu that caused vomit, diarrhea and lack of eating either!    It was not looking good for my great weigh in!

So on Thursday I weighed myself 243.2 and this morning (Friday) 243.0. So yeah....I’m going to go with 244.0 as my weight for Wednesday.

Am I disappointed?  No not really.  That is STILL a loss of 1.6 pounds  for the week and 3.2 for the month.   How can I be upset with that???

So yes...welcome to my re-tard moment!

Shock awe and disbelief

I looked! I looked again!  No, it couldn’t be. I stepped off. I turned to walk away. I looked back to read the display One more. Did the scales really say that?

My Boomerang weight or a couple years was right around 238 to 240  pounds. I would lose a few I would gain a few, but right within that range was where I stayed for years. Last year in August I switched jobs. I started walking on my lunch breaks and eating a piece of fruit while I walked. I was still eating candy and snacks but I started to slowly lose weight. Ever so slowly, but I was dropping. With no exercise I was OK with slow and steady. By the end of October to early November I was down about 6- 8 pounds.  Like I said, I was happy. And then life happened. I totally lost control. In a very short time frame, I not only regained those 8 pounds but added another 8 to 10 pounds to my weight. Why yes, I gained just about 20 pounds in less than a month. How embarrassing is that?

I started the year 2018 at 247.2 pounds. I made a vow that that would change. January was kind of trial and error and sadly enough while I showed losses on the scale through the month it was a seesaw on the scales.  So January ended and I was exactly the same as I was at the beginning. Enter February!  I renewed my motivation and vowed to attack it again.  My first Wednesday weigh in showed a 1.6 pound loss with my weight being 245.6.   That was happy news. So I kept doing the same thing I did that previous week. I stuck with the granola bar for breakfast, the fruit and vegetables for lunch along with either pretzels or a 100 calorie pack and for dinner I ate whatever I wanted ...with in reason. Dinner was anything from pizza, subs, chicken tenders.  Whatever. No deprivation… I still ate my sweet treat on the weekends and while I tracked, it was not something I did as a militant regime… But rather something that I did just to have a guideline of what I was eating.

It worked, even better on week two. When I kept looking at the scale this morning and when I turned back to look at the readout one more time, I did it in shock,  happiness and disbelief. 240 pounds. That is a loss of 5.6 pounds for the past week and brings my total loss for the year (February really) to a grand total of 7.2 pounds.

I am back to the boomerang weight!   I’m not sitting way far above it anymore!   Now to squash that weight and see the boomerang weight for the last time ever!

I’m actually a little afraid to get back on the scales because of the disbelief.

Finally! Finally, I may have found the magic equation for me to lose weight at this time and point in my life. What worked before stopped working and I was beating my head against the wall getting nowhere. It wasn’t until I sat back and said I want this and I’m willing to change my methods that I started seeing results.  I had to stop feeling sorry and make the changes necessary!

Furthermore this is once again proof positive that weight is lost in the kitchen and not the gym. Yes I am still climbing the stairs at work… But I’m not doing anything else other than some random walks. It is so bad that it is considered a good day if I make it to 5000 steps on my fit bit. Yet I lost!

I know as I add exercise back in once my life settles down that it will Paul’s an adjustment to my eating again. But I’ve got this!

Empowering

I’m feeling a little bit proud today! For a couple reasons.

I weighed myself on Saturday  for my midweek check-in and I was down on the scales. Hopefully, that will convey on the official weigh in, which will occur on Wednesday. Last month it didn’t but I’ve got my fingers crossed for this month to be different.

Saturday, we stopped to grab a bite to eat for lunch. At the end of last year, I would order a sandwich and a large fry. In January I did change to a sandwich and a small fry. But yesterday I just got the sandwich. And a real funny thing happened. I was totally satisfied with just the sandwich, I did not miss the fries, I did not lament the fact that I did not get them, I didn’t leave hungry and  I did not feel deprived. Honestly, I felt empowered.  I beat the addiction...even if only for a few minutes!

Saturday night we got the normal pizza and wings that we get every Saturday night.. I had just two pieces of pizza and two small wings. And instead of shoveling the pizza crust into my mouth… I left it. I’m not a big fan of the crust I like the cheesy and saucy  goodness of the pizza...and crust is not saucy cheesy goodness. However, I typically shove the crust down my gullet simply because it’s there....typical addiction behavior.  Not on Saturday!!

I did plan my weekend sweet treat. And I thoroughly enjoyed it. I ate half on Saturday and half on Sunday night.
I’m feeling empowered and ready to face the week.

How awesome is my boyfriend? He has had a handful of service calls in the neighboring communities to where we will be living. He has been scoping out places for me to run! OK and places for him to get a quick ride in in the morning before he goes to work also. But seriously how awesome is that?

So let’s talk about last weeks goals

1.  Climb the stairs at work twice a day. 

2. Get on the bike trainer. 

3. Four bottles of water a day

4.  Track and keep the calorie under my budget.  (The budget is set for me to lose 1 pound a week..cuz slow and steady wins the race!)

So how did I do???

As an average I did the steps twice a day. There was one day I did it three times but one day only did it once and there were two days where I actually did two or three flights more than my floor.

Water… I hit four bottles about half of the time I think that was two or three days and the rest of the days I managed three bottles of water.

The bike trainer… Not once. Better look this week? I got sidetracked every evening. I am so tired at night by the time I get home that I really only have half hour maybe an hour before I drop off to sleep. I have a move coming up in seven weeks. Every night I’m taking 30 to 40 minutes of that precious time I have available, And using it to pack and purge and clean. I know I still need to get on the bike. 

Tracking....and under budget.  Absolutely!!!

So what are the goals for this week?  Pretty much the same water, stairs, bike and yes,  I’m continuing to track my food.

Progress

I am feeling pretty empowered right now.  Somehow, probably due to my lack of a backbone and utterly no control; I ended up with a Wendy’s Frosty in my possession on Sunday night.   I actually, miraculously exhibited self control.   

On Sunday night we had spicy Cajun food for dinner and a frosty sounded good.  I got home on and took about two or three bites and was too stuffed to comfortably continue.  So I put it in the freezer.  On Monday night I actually pulled it out of the freezer..but then I realized I was full.  Back into the freezer it went without even a single bite.   Tuesday night came and went and it didn’t even come out of the freezer.  Now Wednesday morning and that frosty is STILL in the freezer.   What a huge victory!!!!

Now let’s make this clear, I’m not saying that I won’t eat that Frosty tonight..or tomorrow...or sometime soon.  I’m saying that the victory is in the fact that I listened to my body and choose to NOT have it when my body was already full.   For me, that is huge!  I typically keep eating and eating and eating because ‘it’s there’. And because ‘it’s so good’.    I think I just won a round in my war against my food addiction!!!

So today was my weigh in day...I was down two pounds from my high of last Wednesday.   Thank heavens!!!!  I feel more empowered with seeing that...so I’m ready to keep going with what I’m doing.

I’ve tracked...and my calories are in line with where they need to be to lose at least one pound a week.

Yes my weekend was over in the caloric budget, but that is my balance.  I’m not worried about the weekends as much because I know with the weekends of allowing myself to indulge a bit that I won’t feel as deprived...and when I do allow myself to have something later down the line it won’t be such a rush of bliss that I will lose control.

And meanwhile in everyday life.   This week at work has been nuts!  It’s been busy....there have computer issues. (My computer only).....ice and snow...and just plain craziness!      Last night I started on the next phase of the purge and pack.  Clothes in the one dresser were on the chopping block.  I have packed things that are a wee bit tight.   You know, the things that get pushed to the back/bottom and you forget about!    I threw away one or two thinngs that had tiny holes or stains.  And I added to the goodwill pile!   I am so tired in the evening after my long day of work and commute that I plan on doing 20-30 minutes each night.   It will mean that my living space will be in a constant state of messiness...but that also means that I won’t be staying up until midnight the week before we move and/or carting stuff that I no longer want or need.

So progress all the way around. Progress toward moving.  Progress on the scales.  Progress in the war against my food addiction.   And best of all...progress in this work week...cuz it’s hump day...halfway to the weekend!!!

Exciting Changes

I am going small .....weekly goals!

1.  Stairs at work at least from lobby to my floor,  2 times a day at work.

2.  Bike trainer...at least twice

3.  Calories in check and tracked for every day

4.  Water water water...at least four bottles a day

All doable...

 Back to work after a nice weekend.....ok it was a bit icy....but I still had a great weekend!  And honestly, I can’t stop grinning from ear to ear!

Why?

We went apartment hunting!  Ok we have been apartment hunting for a while...but we went to look at one that we were both totally interested in!

Yup...this is the apartment we are looking at (or one like it)

It is on our price range, has a full size washer and dryer, a second bedroom/den (also known as the bike bedroom), and is in the location that we wanted.  (we would have liked closer to my work but that 20 miles is sour 300-400 bucks different a month....and a smaller place...so 20 miles from my work and about 2 from Jason’s)

We had already talked that we would prefer a top floor....and preferably not staring out over the parking lot.  But this place we were looking at doesn’t get this size open too often apparently.  The first available was for the end of March.  (After that I think one in April), so we knew we would take whatever and not be took picky. 

So the place available at the end of March? 

**Top floor...yay

**back of building overlooking ‘green space’...yay

**upgraded unit with new appliance and kitchen....yay

**minute away from 270...the main road to my work..and in the zone we wanted to be in...yay

**cats accepted.....yay

We filled out our application on Saturday.  And by Sunday they had notified us that we got it and it was being held for us...hold fee hasbeen paid.    We are moving Easter weekend!

There are really nice neighborhoods right across the street ....a 5 mike trail down the road in one direction...a park down the road in another direction.....lots of places to run!!!  (And a 24 hour fitness room in the complex)

We are ready and excited to clean up our eating!   

We are excited!

We are also experiencing some of that ‘wow our relationship is changing big time’ nerves.  But we haven’t rushed into this at all!  We will be about 2.5 years into our relationship by the time we move.  So I know we will be fine.  But it’s exciting and scary all the same!

February

Ok my first of February post is on the second...what if it???  Hahaha

And that darn groundhog needs to be shot...who wants another 6 weeks of winter??

January was a bummer in the end.  My weight loss was non existent.    

Well...weight loss was a bummer....Jason and I had a great month hiking and antiquing and enjoying life together!

So on to February.   In personal matters...Jason and I are hot on the trail of an apartment...we are going to look at it tomorrow.  We have some hiking plans and if the weather is nice...biking.   If we like the apartment and get it, we won’t be moving until the end of March /beginning of April.   So the months will be spent purging, cleaning and packing.  (Jason has driven through the area and looked at the apartment...he says it is awesome and he says the area is safe...which means I should be able to start running again...especially with cutting 1.5-2 hours off my commute (between the morning and afternoon it’s 1.5 to 3 hours). 

In weight loss I have not given up.  I am watching my calories...trying to limit my carbs (my nemesis) and being as active as my current schedule allows.

I have been walking the steps at work...

I am also still tracking.   I’m going to win this battle...this war if it’s the last thing I do!!!

Rattled

So January is on its way out......and it just so happened that this was my weigh in day so I have an official weigh in to report.

So here it is....I weigh 0.2 pounds MORE than I was at the beginning of the month.   I’m disallusioned beyond belief right now.  Near tears.  Frustrated. And angry.

I haven’t been perfect.  I know that.  And I’m not aiming for perfection!    But I have been so much more on point than I was in December and November.   

I have weighed every Wednesday for my ‘official’ weigh in and I’ve weighed every Saturday for my unofficial check in.   Wednesday’s I’ve been up....Saturday’s I’ve been down.  All within a 4 pound range.  

As you can see day one was high and the. The rest of the month I fluctuated between two pounds but still showing lower than January 1.  But today...boom...right back up there!  

I am running right at goal in terms of calories to lose 1 pound a week. (That goal is 1750...and my average was 1762).  

I will say that I had a bad feeling when I woke up that the scales were not going to be friendly.  Why?  I woke up thirsty.   That usually indicates that I am retaining water....dehydrated (I drank 4 or 5 bottles of water yesterday though!).  And the monthly ick has been part of my week...another whammy.   But seriously.....really????

Wow...excuses.....did I just negate those excuses as invalid and not acceptable?   That’s a first for me!!!  

So on to the midweek report.

I have restarted the stairs at work. 

My knee still is a bit sore but it’s capable of climbing!

Jason and I walked outside on Monday night. 

 But sadly there had been no bike trainer for me.  I have been utterly exhausted each night by the time I get home.  Jason mentioned my ‘spacey-ness’ on Monday night and my mom mentioned it on Tuesday night....so I know it’s not just me trying to find a reason.  I’m just plain exhausted.    Maybe I’m fighting off the germs that Jason probably shared with me last week when he was sick with a cold.  I have no symptoms (other than some sinus pressure) but maybe my body is just busy fighting it off.  Who knows.

I have been tracking everything!   As I mentioned I’m actually eating in amounts that should have me losing 1 pound a week.  And lots of fruits and veggies....not all junk!

I’m just ratttled because I’ve tried this month and I don’t have much to show for my effort....just some overly tight pants and some memories of carrots and grapes.  

That’s all Folks

We had a nice quiet weekend.  It was just what we needed.  My knee is not back to 100% yet and Jason has been fighting off a cold.   When I say relaxing...I certainly mean it...I even got a nap in on Saturday afternoon.  No long hikes...just some strolls through antique stores!!!  But seriously....check out this old washing machine!!

We sat and looked at it for a while and I took pictures for my handsome appliance repair boyfriend!   

I enjoyed my weekend immensely.  I did indulge in my sweet treats.  And now that it’s Monday I’m ready to eat healthier.  The weekend relaxation of the ‘rules’ seems to be working for me!    My calorie count only jumped about 300-400 calories on the weekend days. So it’s not like I’m going totally overboard on the weekend.  And I’m super ready for the week ahead with the lower calorie goal!  

This might be my perfect balance this time around....indulge a bit on the weekend and straight up on target the week days.   The best of both worlds.  The magic balance that I need!

And I’m determined...the bike WILL be ridden this week....and the stairs WILL be climbed at work!!!

And as the old looney toons cartoon says...that’s all folks!   Nothing  overly profound today!

Learning curve

Let’s see...where to begin.....

My knee.  It still hurts but it is finally scabbed over.  So at least the open wounds are on the way to recovery!  It still hurts to bend...but I think my gait is back to normal...mostly.   Yesterday at work I decided to try the steps.  I made it a few flights up and regretted my decision.   My company does not utilize the lower floors...and my badge only allows me access to my company’s floors and the lobby level.  So there I was a few flights in and debating what would be best on my knee ...climb or descend.   It might have been easier to descend...but I’m tough so I completed my climb!   I’ll try again today...maybe.

I’m giving myself this week for recovery.  Next week it is game on.  ‘It’s only....’. It’s only a few minutes of climbing the steps.  It’s only a few minutes on the bike trainer.  It’s only a few minutes of my time!  No excuses!  (Although an injury was a valid excuse!!). And seriously..it’s only a few weeks or good eating habits to lose the necessary weight to beat Jason in this current weight loss challenge!!!

My weekly weigh in on Wednesday was a disappointment.   Truly!    I am still down from my New Years weight...(by 1.6). But up from my low the second weigh in if the new year!!!  Right now it is  just not moving.  It’s kind of disgusting to think about!

But I did think about it!!

The first thing I did?  I Pulled out the trusty MyFitnessPal app.  (It was on my phone just unused recently.).  I have since the very beginnng had it set to lose 2 pounds a week.   I am determined to make this weight loss journey a balance.  I do not want to be militant about it.  I want to make this a lifestyle that I can continue forever.   Which means I will indulge in a donut here and there...I will have a breakfast sandwich on the way to work sometimes (today for example..more on that later!). I want to find that magical balance of restriction and indulgence.  So the first thing I did when I opened the app was to go into the settings and my profile.  I changed my goal of losing from 2 pounds a week to 1 pound a week.   That changed my calorie count to  1900.  That number scared me...so I backed it off to 1.5 pounds a week and that changed me to 1600 calories.   And that is from the 1200 figure that I’ve been trying to hit for years.   1600 gives me a bit more freedom and maybe some days I will get 1200 and maybe on the cheat day I may have more......but I feel that 1600 is doable on a daily basis. 

So I have been tracking...and I even went back to Sunday and tracked back that far.  (My cheat weekend day?  Saturday was 1900 and  Sunday was 1750..so not out of control)

So yesterday on the way to work I was DYING for a Burger King breakfast sandwich (yeah I know...bad!!). I resisted yesterday.  And yes I’m proud of myself because with what we had for dinner I would have been way over.... I barely made my calorie count as it was. But last night we decided upon our dinner for tonight and I know that what I will order is lower calories...and this morning I put my lunch and dinner into the counter and found that caolorie wise I could ‘afford’ the breakfast I wanted.  So I indulged.   And..,,  I will still be in my calorie range!!

My next step is to start to limit my carbs a bit more!!!  I honestly think that’s a huge part of my problem!!!  But that is the  next step...right now I’m settling back into tracking!!!

Regroup...adjust...move forward!

Oops

I had my next blog post planned in my head. You see I realized the other day that my ‘its just’ plan for eating and staying in line could parlay into exercise.  ‘It’s just 10 minutes on the bike trainer’. Just 10.....

And with that I was going to vow to adopt that mentality to exercise this week.  But.....

Jason and I had a nice weekend.  The weather was fantastic!!!  We got out and hiked.  

We went to an overlook.

And we hiked to some columnar jointings. 

We had a great hike!!  And a fabulous time together.

Well....except for the fact that after we hiked down to the site of the last picture. We turned around to go back to the main trail.  It was an uphill rock scramble.  The best we can figure, my toe must have caught under a lip of a rock and I felt myself going down.  Face down...down an incline...onto a jagged bed of rocks.  I saw a tree and three myself at it...but not before landing on my knee.    The knee didn’t look too bad.....immediately bruising though.  And skin broken open.

Of course I fell on a rock that had two jagged points face up.  The pain was intense and instantaneous.  So bad that my stomach immediately started flipping! I’ve not had that stomach clenching pain often ..but I don’t like it!!!  I sat there and cried for a bit..we cleaned my leg and I got up and walked.   Seriously...I wasn’t calling for emergency help....not unless my leg was dangling useless. (We were couple miles up a mountain trail...it would have been a huge production to get me out had I really needed assistance.).  I made it about 5 minutes (if that) up the trail and had to stop again because of the waves of naseua.  Luckily that was the last of that.  

We got back to the main trail and by golly I was up there on top of that mountain to see the overlook and I was going to hike up there and see it!!!  So we hiked the 0.2 miles to the overlook!

My saving grace?  It was my favorite kind of hike...uphill on the front end and downhill at the end!  So I knew that the hike out was downhill...it still hurt but hey...it was better than the exertion of climbing too!

Soooooo...today my knee is pretty tender and scratched.....black and blue ....and still a bit bloody. (It hadn’t scabbed and is still oozing...).    So there will be no ‘it’s just 10’ of any exercise...I’m taking it easy and letting it heal!!  And no I still don’t know why the pain hit so hard on an injury that apparently wasn’t too bad!

So a fun weekend and now some recouperation time!!!

It’s only.....

I walked outside this morning to a balmy warm day. Seriously it was 30° at 6 o’clock! Comparatively speaking that is warm! We are supposed to have some really nice days this weekend with temperatures in the 50° zone.  That coupled with one or two weeks left on our year pass for the Shenandoah national Park, means that we are going to try to get out and hike!  (Yeah we will probably buy another pass next month...and we kicked ourselves last year for not paying the extra 25 for a complete national parks pass...so we will probably do that this year!). We got a hike in back on November 18 or 19th right before life went belly up for me and the weather turning brutally cold.  

I am actually very excited to get out and hike. For lots of reasons. I like that sense of peace that comes in the quiet wilderness.  I love that alone time with Jason. He actually mentioned the other day about how we have had some of the most incredible conversations in the quiet privacy of the woods. But I also like I look forward to the ache of muscles after a nice hike. Crossing my fingers that this weekend it will happen.

The scales not been friendly to be this week. I am showing up a bit last week. And that’s OK. On my last post I did mention that I hadn’t eaten any sweets and that my eating was spot on. A couple hours later I was struck with the realization that I was a liar. I totally forgot that one of my coworkers brought leftover cupcakes from her daughter’s birthday in for us to finish off. Yes I ate one. OK so maybe I wasn’t a liar… Just forgetful. 

My bike trainer...well I’m just not using it as much as I thought.  I’m just so tired and wiped out in the evenings...and I lack the time!!!  Grrrr!   I know...it’s all in my head.  I need to make it a priority and just say ‘no going to bed until it’s done!’   I have been continuing to climb the stairs at work though!!!!  And yes it’s getting easier!!

It’s just

A couple years ago when I was working at the bank we had customers and coworkers that were bringing in donuts, every day it seemed. There were excessive amounts of donuts at work. And yes I was indulging. My manager at the time and I were talking about weight loss and how these donuts were impeding any effort we were making in our weight loss efforts. During a conversation we decided to challenge ourselves. No donuts. We didn’t stay forever. We put it down as a very short term and very finite amount of time. We both had vacation scheduled five or six weeks later. So our reasoning was that it’s just six weeks, who can’t live without it for six weeks. So as the donuts rolled in the door she and I wouldn’t even look in the box. And yes we made it to six weeks and ironically enough broke the donut habit at the bank. I tried to find a blog post about it this morning but I have no clue when it happened and it wasn’t labeled for me to find easily, maybe I didn’t write aboutt it. Who knows.

At the beginning of this year Jason and I threw down the gauntlet for a weight loss challenge. I have 5 pounds to lose he has 8 pounds to lose for our challenge. Not a lot but still a challenge… Game on. I hate to lose as is evidenced by the running challenges we did two years ago, but this challenge is hard. Probably harder than that one. With our running challenge I literally just had to out run him… It didn’t matter if it took me double the time to run the same mileage… I was in control and I just had to put in the time. But weight loss has so many factors and while I am in control of what I eat and it’s just harder.   But seriously challenge on and I am 3 pounds closer to my 5 pound mark!

I have about 60 pounds that I want to lose. That’s a lot! It is also overwhelming. And never ending… At least it seems. And in the past I have talked about rewarding myself after 10 pounds and have tried to break it down into 10 pound increments. But I think this time around I’m going smaller. I kind of like the concept of it’s just five pounds. Historically speaking that could be only two or three weeks of weight-loss efforts. OK two or three weeks of anal weight loss effort… I’m not going at this like a Nazi this time around so maybe a little bit longer. But in the grand scheme of things it is only a short amount of time. Right now I’m focused on five. Five is a nice number… But maybe when I get to some kind of mileage number milestone my goal might be to pounds or 6 pounds. But my new theory is small because it’s easier to say no to the donuts, to the cake, to the tempting breakfast sandwich on the way to work, when I can tell myself it’s only until I lose the 5 pounds. I think The words it’s only are the liberating word, phrase actually that empowers us to make the right choice. It’s only…

Not giving up

Official weigh in day has arrived and I am up 1.2 from my weight last weekend.  I don’t really feel as if I’ve done worse than the week before...other than an Oreo cookie last night so I’m not sure what’s up with that!   I’m wondering if it’s my water consumption that had been less so maybe that’s water weight.  Who knows...but it has been tracked and noted.  

I have still continued to walk the stairs on my breaks.  I have ridden the bike trainer too.  So I’m not a total sluggard!   But still those short bursts of activity are not enough!  I know that!

So let’s talk about the ride!!!   I said 15 and Jason said aim for 10.    Let me tell you...long minutes.  My legs were fine.  It was my butt!!!  Those little bones in your butt cheeks to be exact!  Eiii yii yii!!!  I know...I’ll harden up to the road bike seat!!!  But for now...ouch!!! 

Ok ok ok...I didn’t ride last night...but I did Monday!  Last night I was in bed by 8:15 and asleep by 8:30!!!  Sleep won out!!

So here I am...still working on it all!!!  And I’m not giving up!!!

Flimsy and weak

Hi ho, hi ho...it’s odd to work I go!

Yes it’s Monday!  So let’s start with the weekendupdate  first....simply because it will make me smile the most!!!    After the weekend update we will get to the other stuff, aka my deep thoughts (or not so deep as is sometimes the case!)

The weekend

The weekend....ahhh what can I say???   The commute home on Friday evening was hellish...so Jason and I only had a few minutes together on Friday night. Booo!  We usually only get 30 -45 minutes together in the evening...but a bad/long commute cuts into that time.   Boy will we be happy to be living closer to our jobs and together so that we can have more time together during the week!   We grabbed food for dinner and got a smooch or two in and then parted ways happy that I’m the morning we would be together for 2 days and one night!!   We each had a relaxing morning...me with my kitty cat beside me.

And then we hooked up.   We headed north...and the wonderful balmy temperature from Thursday and Friday (50’s one day and upper 60’s the other) was a thing of the past.   We decided that it was a perfect weekend for antiquing and that’s just what we did.  Both Saturday and Sunday.   And we got some relaxing and tv watching while cuddling in to!!     It was a good weekend!  It was hard to say goodnight/goodbye on Sunday night and know that we will only see each other for a few minutes each day...the countdown until Saturday has already begun!

Oh and the last word about the weekend.  My cheat meal/treat was donuts this weekend and they were delicious!  I had it as a dessert after my meal on Saturday evening!  Delicious!  Probably more so than if I had eaten them every night of the week because I appreciated them more!

Oh I lied too...another word about the weekend....I had my first diet soda (any soda) since the end of 2017....it was just icky tasting!!!  I poured most of it down the drain!!!  It was just too sweet and just not good!   Can ones taste buds adjust that fast???

Weighing daily

I wrote last weekend about weighing daily. I talked about how I typically weigh myself  for my official weigh in on Wednesday’s to correspond with my friends official weight watcher weigh in day, but I talked about weighing on Saturday’s instead.   Well on Saturday I came up with the perfect solution for me...right now.   Wednesday’s will remain my official weigh in day.  But I will also be religiously weighing on Saturday’s.  My weight on Saturday is a check in...and a guide to my cheat day.  If I’ve gained on Saturday that by all means the cheat day needs to be cancelled!  Saturday’s weigh in rules the cheat day!

No excuses

So a few years ago I picked up a stair step/lateral trainer at a yard sale for 5 bucks.   

I had grand plans.  They never materialized.   When I took this current job I had grand plans to use it.  That never happened!

So last week I saw something and bought it.   Let me backtrack and say that many times over the years I have thought about buying a bike trainer.  A machine that I can set my bike in and ride inside.  But seriously...those things can get expensive!  So last week while I was Aldi’s (grocery store) and saw a trainer for $60 I was skeptical...but interested.  I decided to go with it!  I could always return it if it didn’t work.  We took it home and set it up.  But my bikes were all on storage and not with me where I lived.  So the trainer sat there unused in the corner.  Yesterday Jason and I went to my storage area and picked up my road bike.  And guess what? The trainer works!!!!

My plan is for 15 minutes a day.  Jason said even aim for 10.  

This is huge...number one.  Jason and I ride a lot in the summer.  If I am putting even any rotations on my legs I will fare much better when the weather changes and we can get back out there.  Secondly....when we ride i use my trek (hybrid/mountain bike) I put my lightspeed (road bike) on the trainer.  This bike has been my nemesis.  Seriously I wrote a blog post about it and titled the blog post the ‘elephant in the room’.   This bike hurts to ride.  It’s just different.  Muscles in my arms and my abs...ouch ouch ouch!!!  So hopefully by taking the 10-15 minutes (hopefully getting longer periods in as time goes by and as time permits) will help ‘harden me’ and maybe I can ride it this summer....after we move and I actually have time!!

So I have no excuse!!!  Well except time.  And well in all honesty that is flimsy and weak as an excuse!!

Convenience 

Convenience isn’t a handy thing when it comes to weight loss.  Not at all.   Why do I say that??  A couple of reasons.

First it’s cold.  It’s so convenient to go through a drive through and not get out of your warm toasty car.  But that convenience isn’t exactly healthy!!!

Secondly. Apple Pay (or the corresponding android pay from your phone app).  I go down to the cafeteria to eat my lunch at work.  It’s pretty easy to not be swayed to grab candy and snacks...I take my lunch and leave the money and credit card at my desk.  That makes it sooo easy to avoid the temptation.   But the cafeteria has happily announced (a while back) that they do apple pay!  Isn’t that awesome????? Seriously...my phone is always with me!!!  This is great right?????  No it’s not awesome!  Not in the slightest!   You see now that it has registered that they do apple pay, I sit down there eating my fruit and veggies and I think about what they have..delicious cookies, scrumptious desserts and even okey gooey candy bars. Before I brushed it off because I would have to go up and get some form of payment.   But now I sit there with my phone...which is a form of payment!  This is BAD!!!

Luckily for me...I am telling myself I’m dumb and don’t know how to use Apple Pay!!!  Yes I know I have a credit card linked and it’s all set up...but I have never technically used Apple Pay at the point of sale....so you see I don’t know how!!  That’s my story and I’m sticking to it.   Is it a flimsy deterrent?  Yes...but that’s all I have at the moment!!!

Convenience...it comes at a price!!

That was then. This is now!

Two weigh or not to weigh? That is the question. Years ago I would weigh myself every day. I would go to the bathroom, strip my clothes, weigh myself and then hop in the shower. Every day. When I moved, the scales were not put into the bathroom where I shower, for various reasons. Losing that daily habit was a detriment for me, I liked seeing the daily weight. I knew that some days weren’t going to show a loss and some days would,and I was ok with the daily fluctuations. It kept me on track.

With the scales located in a less conducive spot for weighing daily I went back down to one Weigh in a week… If that. The only thing that kept me getting on somewhat regularly was the fact that I share my weight on a weekly basis with a friend. She goes to weight watchers on Wednesdays so Wednesdays became my weigh in day. But that said, I have been going back-and-forth between Saturday and Wednesday for my official weigh-in day.  I kind of like the idea of being really good through the week weighing myself on Saturday morning and then having my cheat day on Saturday. (And I will discuss cheat days in a few minutes)I am still undecided, maybe I’ll just do both. But as I write it makes me go back to ponder the daily weigh-ins. I weighed in officially on Wednesday and found that I lost 3.2 pounds. The weekly weigh-in this week was nice because I saw that huge chunk of weight fall off. I can’t deny that I really like that. But I also like the daily accountability from daily weigh in. What a quandary. For now, because of the location of the scales it will probably remain once or twice a week. But when I move I’ll be having to ponder and come up with my answer of how often to weigh myself.

Cheat days. Years ago I used to do a cheat day/cheat meal. It worked for me. That was the day that I had pizza, not just one slice but as much as I wanted. That was the day that I had comfort foods that were high fat and high calorie. I really didn’t do desserts on that day, I never did desserts!!!  And typically my calorie content was still low. I am re-instituting the cheat day concept. The sweet treats are withheld for a cheat day. Jason and I both talked recently about how much the sweet treats had crept back into our life and we both agreed that we didn’t want to be totally anal about what we ate. So we are allowing ourselves to indulge that sweet tooth on the weekend. Thus the reemergence of a cheat day. It apparently worked last weekend… On Saturday I ate at Arby’s for lunch (downgraded my fries to a small), we had pizza and wings for dinner, and we each had a Cinnabon for dessert. That is not exactly a low caloric day. Yet I showed A loss!!!  Even better I don’t feel deprived. By allowing myself to have the sweet treat every once in a while (weekly), I can hopefully avoid the monster that I created when I never allowed myself to have any sweet goodness in my diet. What happened? I made my lifetime weight watcher goal went on vacation and allowed myself a sweet indulgence, it was wedding cake    and a good friend’s wedding. Who wouldn’t have indulged???  But that one piece a cake turned into donuts the next day, which turned into a cinnamon roll the following day which turned into cake, and a significant weight gain when I return from vacation. So my theory for now  is no deprivation… If I’m not depriving myself then theoretically I won’t lose control when I have my first bite after a long period of none!!!

My stair walking...I work on the 8th floor.  It takes me less then 5 minutes to climb all the flights.  I currently make it to about the fourth floor before I am starting to breath heavily.    The plan is to add floors..when I can make it to my floor without being out of breath, I will add flights..climb further and then walk back down to the floors I work on and have access to.  Currently I am doing it on my two breaks...but have definitely figured that eventually I can and will add morning arrival and lunch break climbs.  (Right now my legs are jelly after the second climb...so when that starts to ease I will add another climb!). Especially in the winter when outdoor walks are limited due to weather.  Maybe soon this elevator picture will be a thing of the past when I only take the steps!

I’m not tracking my food...and I waffle back and forth on the need to do so.   Thus far I’m just lowering portion sizes (for example small fries at Arby’s versus the large ) , trying to listen more to my body and what it needs and plain and simple just trying to eat ‘normally’.   So is the little voice that says to track just a leftover from years of having it beat into my head to track my food?  Or is it really necessary?  Right now it’s working for me to not track...but I know eventually I’ll have to make a decision!!!  And I know this is a huge departure for me to even contemplate losing weight and not tracking...I’ve babbled about tracking my food for years...hundreds of posts!!!   But that was then...this is now!!!

And that is my final word for the day...and maybe the theme for this whole post.  That was then...this is now.   What used to work may no longer be the best option for me in the here and now. Furthermore the past is the past.  Lamenting about my failures and the regained weight is not helping anything.  Adjust, adapt and move forward!!!

Slow as molasses

The weight comes on so fast!   Seriously...way fast!   But it doesn’t come off quite as fast.  It is infuriating!!!!  Utterly infuriating!!!!  If I can gain 5-10 pounds in a week why can’t I lose 5-10 pounds in a week???

I was 247 at the beginning of the year....the first weigh in of the new year.   I was sitting at 245 on Saturday and 245.4 this morning (Chinese last night = lots of sodium = water retention so I’m not worried about the .4 difference).   So I have made some progress...but seriously I want it to go off as fast as it came on!     

So I guess lots of water for me today to flush out that sodium laden meal!  (Speaking of water...I’m not where I want to be with water consumption and I’m adding flavor packs to some of my bottles.....but there has been no diet soda ..or any soda yet in 2018!)

Last week I kept my word.  On my breaks I rode the elevator down to the lobby...used the bathroom and then walked up the stairs to the floor I work on.    The first days I was breathing like a freight train after a few floors...and my lungs felt like they were going to explode by the time I got to my floor.  I kept going though...every day...every 15 minute break I climbed the steps!   My legs ache...I still breathe heavily...but I can see small changes in how I’m breathing and feeling when I get to the top of my climb...and I’m seeing that my breathing remains normal for higher in the building each time I do it!   I tell myself that this is good and will carry me well with hiking...it’s gotta help for those mountains and hilly trails!  

So yes I started my Monday of this week with a couple climbs on my breaks and I plan on continuing all week long!! And the weather is supposed to be in the 40’s today so I am hoping to walk around the lake on my lunch break!!  At least that’s my hope!!!   

So nothing fast and furious...but I’m still working toward making progress...albeit sloooooowly.

13 year blogiversary

Happy blogiversary!!!   12 Years! How crazy is that????  What a journey this has been!  I have definitely had some highs and I’ve definitely hit some lows!!!

Surprisingly this last year was not the year with the least amount of posts...but that brings me to some simple observations!

The year with the most posts:   2008

The year where I reached my weight watcher goal: 2008

The year with my least posts: 2012 followed closely by 2011 and then 2017

When did I gain weight:  2011 was the first small gain 2017 was the second

Hmmmm is there a correlation???  

Some lessons I’ve learned along the way....and by no means is this a comprehensive list.....there are way too many to post!!  And the list is in no particular order.

1.  Lose weight for yourself!  That is the only way to lose AND maintain the loss.

2.  Learn to love yourself....it doesn’t matter if you are 300 pounds or 100 pounds, love yourself for the awesome individual that you are!

3.  Find a partner in life that loves you in spite of your weight!  Someone that wants you to be healthy for your health but could care less if you have some fat rolls, or if the scales show some higher numbers!

4.  Deprivation of all ‘fun foods’ may be necessary at times in life, but in the long run will only lead to disaster because eventually you will cave and you will be sitting there shoveling junk food in like you’ve been starving for a lifetime.

5.  Your taste buds really do change and the healthier nutritious foods really do taste better....conversely when you start eating junk again they change back and you no longer crave the healthy stuff!

6. No matter how healthy you may be at any given time..the old habits are still buried deep and you will show up if you don’t keep up your gaurd. 

7. Exercise really isn’t the devil reincarnated!!  

8.  Find the activity you like doing and stick with it.  If it’s running...run.  If it’s Zumba...then Zumba.  Do what you enjoy...even if you only enjoy it sometimes because it’s a social hour (yes Zumba was a social hour....or rather pre Zumba and post Zumba times were a social hour for me)

9.  Start now....if you say ‘tomorrow’, tomorrow may never come!

10.  Start now....waiting until a certain time just gives permission to eat like a hog-head for the days leading up to the magical start date...and then you have a bigger hole to dig yourself out of!!!

11.   Don’t force yourself to eat a food you hate just because it’s ‘healthy’

12.  Reward yourself for your progress!  A lot of work goes into creating a healthy version of yourself!

13.  Food actually tastes better after you have ‘worked for it’.   For example after a long hike I enjoy dinner so much more...earn your food!

14.  I am the only one responsible for what goes into my mouth!  No one has ever hog tied me to a chair and forced me to eat a donut!   They may offer me a donut (insert any tempting non nutritious food in for the word donut) but they have never forced me to eat it...I am 100% in control!

15.  Arthritis pain really does ease up with exercise!  Yes it seems odd that it hurts so bad and someone tells you to go out and exercise...how because it’s painful...but it really does work!

16.  My most proud accomplishments are the ones in which I have pushed though and completed what I set out to do.

17.  The blood sweat and tears that go into this journey?  Totally worth it!

And I’m here to say that year 13 is going to be spectacular!!!!

Well then...

So I had made my plans to be healthy come the new year....I made them a week or so before New Years...and vowed to start on day one.    So how did that plan work out for me ?

The last few days of 2017, I ate like a wild boar that hadn’t seen food in three years!   I’m telling you...It was bad!   Cakes, donuts, candy, cookies and pie!  It was ugly!  In my mind I kept saying ‘one last hurrah before the serious healthy stuff begins’.   And that was the mistake. I should have started immediately and not thrown my hands in the air and commenced with a foodapalooza!  Still not convinced it was bad?   I ate and ate and ate.  Each night I would feel stuffed...I would have slight stomach aches.  But I trucked on...remember I’m an addict...food is my addiction!   Every night got worse.   And then finally...I hit rock bottom.   New Year’s Eve...we ate dinner.  I wasn’t overly hungry when I came to dinner time...but I ate and it was delicious!  I finished dinner and I made the comment that I was stuffed...that I felt like I needed to go for a long walk or run or something!   Yet a half hour later I ate a huge piece of cake...and shortly after that a donut....and right around midnight I found myself eating tortilla chips!   Is it wrong that while I ate all this I kept saying ‘this is the end...healthy tomorrow!’   We went to bed at around 12:30 or 1.  I was ready to start the new year with healthy eating!

I woke up at 3am...my stomach was in knots!  I remembered the feeling well.  I used to have stomach aches constantly way back in the day...once I got my eating under control the constant stomach aches disappeared....but it was back.  A trip to the bathroom and then I curled up in a ball and slept until 5....a trip to the bathroom and then some more sleep!  I was miserable until about 2 or 3 in the afternoon!  I know my body just had had enough of the gorge of food!!!

Maybe I had to hit rock bottom to see the light and finally be ready to roll into the new year and to form (re-form) the healthy habits!

So day one was an incredible success in terms of eating.   January first i couldn’t even think about food until about 8 PM...and I had a light sandwich!  

Yesterday January 2...I didn’t do too bad.  Not perfect but I’m happy with my choices and how I managed my food!  Even better...on my breaks I rode the elevator down to the lobby and I carted myself back up all the flights of stairs on foot!  It’s not a lot of exercise...but 8 flights of stairs twice a day is better than riding the elevator!!  I’m sticking with the 8 flights twice a day for a while.  I am seriously out of breath after the 8 flights.   When that gets easy I will add more floors just keep goinbg up and then walk back down until my whole break is steps!  And right now I’m leaving my lunch mostly intact.  As it gets easier I believe I may throw in the steps on my lunch...but right now I’m just proud to have done the steps twice!!  (The steps should hopefully help when we get back to hiking heavy...as soon as the weather breaks!)

Now I head into day three....I’m sure I will rock this day!!!