I vowed a long time ago to be open and honest on this blog. A few months back I recommitted and said "I'm no longer hiding aspects of my life'. So yes, I'm heartbroken today.
Yesterday the bubble that I had created around myself...that happy bubble was pierced. It was pierced in a sharp and painful way. It knocked me back a few feet and I'm not sure that my heart can heal from it this time. I'm not sure what I'm doing or even what end is up right now.
I got home last night and the last thing I wanted to do was eat. The thought of food turned my stomach. I had my food planned out though, so eat I did. I knew that I needed to fuel my body even if my mind said not eat. It was a light dinner so it wasn't a big concern. I choked down my planned dinner and then curled up in bed with a book. What better way to forget the world than with a good read.
This morning arrived and I laid in bed. I had a run scheduled. I didn't want to move. I wanted to stay in my bed and just vegetate. Fridays are technically my day of rest so it wouldn't have been difficult for me to skip the run. However, I took off Monday this week so really I've already utilized my rest day. Finally at about 8AM I decided. I knew that if I didn't run, that I would kick myself because I've been doing so good and..... well.....exercise has been my happy place lately.
I rolled out of bed, threw on my clothes and headed out. The first mile was ok....I was so focused on my own internal thoughts that I forgot about what I was doing. I ran up the hill that I normally walk up and I was just powering through. (with a decent pace...for me). But the second mile hit me hard. I just lost my steam. I dropped down to a walk for a few paces, to let my HR settle and tried to run again. It just wasn't happening. I thought about taking a shortcut back to my car, but I didn't. I walked the rest of my mileage. So there was a victory...I WENT out and exercised. There was a failure....I gave up and walked. But that led to a victory...I still completed my mileage, just at a walk.
So why did I run out of steam? Well couple reasons. One, my mind is totally preoccupied and lost in everything else...so my mental game wasn't there. Two, it's hard to run and cry at the same time (well, it is if you typically run at your max HR). and Three (and I suspect three is the biggest reason). Remember I didn't want to eat last night? Yeah, I didn't want to eat this morning either....so I went out on a totally empty stomach. Literally I ran out of steam......
I’m Maryfran, a down to earth, open and honest writer who has had incredible success with weight loss (150 pounds) and also a regain. I’m currently on a weight loss journey and working to lose my weight. I write a little about everything....life is so interconnected and all encompassing! Belief is the key to success in life and how I came up with my name for my sites! Believe!
Friday, May 10, 2013
Thursday, May 09, 2013
Hot Dog!
I was so happy with my weight the last few days (because it was looking like I was going to hit my 30 pounds gone this year mark...because I was there, just waiting for the official weigh day) and then this morning I stepped on the scales and voila, I was right back up 2 pounds. What the haymarket????? Seriously? I am trying to shrug it off. I KNOW I woke up once or twice in the middle of the night thirsty and was too darn comfy to get up and get a drink. Waking up thirsty is not a good sign, so hopefully it really is just water retention. (and yes, when I wake up thirsty my weight is usually up...but not two stinkin' pounds!) Oh well....shrugging it off. I'm healthier than I have been in a while. I'm happier and more active than I have been in a while. (Yes, for some reason drowning my sorrows in exercise really is working....the issues are there and they still depress the living snot out of me...but I just ignore them and go for a run...or go for a ride...or go to zumba. No worries then...all I can think of then is pushing myself just a little harder). I saw a negative on the scale today and I'm in no danger of quitting, but there were times in the past that I would have quit just because it hurts and doesn't make sense. No more....I'm still truckin' onward!I got up and made breakfast for us. I made breakfast pizza which is supper yummy. It is a bit high in calories (300 calories slice) but I wasn't worried. You see, I had looked at the weather and decided that I could get in a ride this morning before the weather went south again.
I laced up my biking shoes (oops ratcheted them up as they dont' have laces) carted my bike out the door and headed down the road. My butt hit the saddle and I wanted to scream. OUCH! Apparently the nether regions had not yet had time to recover fully from my last ride. I briefly thought about cutting my ride from 10 miles down to 5. But that is SOOOOO cheating and I knew it would ultimately lead me to feeling as if I failed...and honestly, it would have been a failure. I did 10 on my last ride, I can do 10 today! I pushed on! I did the same loop that I did my last ride. After my last ride my brother asked me how may hills I had to walk. I honestly answered with an indignanat "none!" (who does he think I am??? Ok, maybe he didn't get the memo that there is a new MaryFran in town!) I do have to admit though that I stopped three times for a breather/drink. Yes, I clipped out and feet were on the ground for a breather for no reason other than I wanted to stop. (there was probably two more times that I clipped out that ride due to traffic/stop signs). I am proud to announce though that today the only time I clipped out of my pedals was when I was crossing a major road. (the traffic was with me through the other stop signs and turns) I thought it would be advantagous to clip out and wait until a lull in the traffic...silly me!. Otherwise, I stopped for nothing. I may have gone slow up the hills. I may have crept (the refrain a turtle sludging through peanut butter comes to the forefront of my mind again.....) through some stretches. But I did it. The ride was still brutal. My hands went a bit numb and my arms are just sore. I'm just plain and simple am used to riding my Trek Nav and well this is different. I'm trying to loosen up my arms because that helps them, but then my back tenses up. I know it's just a thing of getting used to a road bike so I'm not too concerned. Besides, I WILL conquer it! :-) Anyway, I got home, took the obligatory picture for my blog and called the ride complete. I carted the bike inside.I had grand plans to head back out for a run....because well, maybe I'm a glutton for punishment....or maybe I'm just plain and simple nuts. But after the planned 10 minute break my legs felt heavy and I felt as if there was no way I could even build up to a trot much less a run. If I waited a bit longer I could probably do it, but I do have a job (drat) and that means I must have time to shower and eat lunch before arriving ready to work at noon. I walk with Sherry tonight when I get off of work. Maybe I can try to sneak in a quick jog after we walk.....or if it's stormy and we cancel I'll go to the gym and run on the treadmill (gah, I hate running on the treadmill). Even if I don't get in my run tonight, i'm not worried. My bike ride is sufficient exercise for the day...anything else is just for my own mental benefit. My HR monitor shows that I earned 666 calories. That's not too shabby if I do say so myself! :-) (and yes, for those of you who are curious...I ate TWO pieces of breakfast pizza this morning!!!!! So I simply burned off my breakfast!)
Where does my title Hot Dog come into play? Really it doesn't. I just didn't know what to title this blog post...I was toying with "jingle bells' as a title! Although there was a little yappy dog that chased me down Sharpsburg Pike on my bike today and it certainly thought it was a 'hot dog'.
Wednesday, May 08, 2013
Brain dead
Maybe I'm brain dead, maybe I just don't have anything to say. Not sure which. I'm on track though. I have my food planned. I have Zumba on the horizon tonight and who knows what this afternoon (depends on the weather). I'm feeling good about where I'm at. Yes, I'd like to drop the pounds faster and be at my goal weight but I'm ok with where I'm at. Moving forward each and every day!
Feel free to say hi and like me on my fb page. https://www.facebook.com/BelievinginMaryFran?ref=stream
Feel free to say hi and like me on my fb page. https://www.facebook.com/BelievinginMaryFran?ref=stream
Tuesday, May 07, 2013
On the down low no more
The other day I was asked why I’ve kept this blog a secret for so long. Yes, I’m working on year 7 and most of my friends and virtually none of my family know (or rather knew) of its existence. Ok, I may have mentioned it in passing but never more than a brief comment that never allowed for more in depth questioning. It was a secret. Yes, I garnered quite a few readers that have come and gone over the years while I’ve been writing on here. So lots of people read this blog but just not people that are close to me….and at this point it’s not an issue anymore; I don’t need it to be a private affair. It has just been this way for so long that I am not used to announcing to the world about my weight loss blog. That’s why I was ok and started the facebook page, because I’m ready to allow the world to see me raw and open and brutally honest with myself. So when I was asked why I kept it hush hush for so long, I kind of stammered and didn’t know what to say. I believe I answered something like “I didn’t think you would be interested in the rise and fall of my weight”. But I have to be honest. That’s really not why I kept it so hush hush. I kept it quiet out of total embarrassment. It is embarrassing to admit that you allowed your weight to skyrocket to 315 pounds. It is embarrassing to admit that you have to take a breather because you are so out of breath when you reach the top of a flight of stairs that you feel as if your heart is going to explode. It’s embarrassing to admit that your morbid obesity caused you to ruin your knees by the time you were age 28. Yes, anyone that looked at me could see that I had fallen into the sedentary life of an obese person, but actually writing it all down is embarrassing raw and brutal. It’s embarrassing, plain and simple embarrassing. HOWEVER, out of that initial embarrassment has grown a sense of pride. Ohh I’m still ashamed that I let it get that bad. I’m still ashamed that I didn’t stop the spiral into obesity years ago. But there is a HUGE sense of pride right now. I am 93.1 pounds down from my highest weight. That is a huge accomplishment. I know that my words have helped other people get past a difficult time; just like reading other blogs have helped me get over humps in this journey. What started out as a cathartic way to keep track of my emotions and thoughts on this journey has become so much more. It still operates as my accountability on a daily basis. It is still my cathartic outlet. But even more importantly, it is my badge of pride. I don’t care who sees it….It’s my journey and I’m proud of what I have done. (that said, I think if my mom were reading all these entries she would just cry…so maybe not mom! Ha ha ha…but If she ever finds it and reads through it…..I LOVE YOU MOM!)
I do not believe I shared my weight loss report from my ‘official weigh in’ on Sunday. (Maybe I did and I’m just having a brain dead moment…that is highly possible). I lost 1.3 pounds for a total lose of 93.1 and 29.5 since January. Yes, I am VERY close to getting my next charm for my bracelet! I’m sooooooo close in fact that when I weighed myself on Monday (and today also) I weighed in at 222.8 which is my 30 pound mark…which means that if I can hold that loss this week, that I will be buying my new charm. I do believe I’m going to commemorate these 10 pounds with a bike charm…..since I did buy my new bike! (thanks Sherry for the idea!) J I just have to wait until Sunday when I see my good weight on my OFFICIAL weigh in day.
Monday was a total bust for me. I had such grand plans too. I had planned to get up and ride a bit in the morning. Then I would work and then I would go to my social hour (AKA zumba). I got up early and made breakfast for Todd and I and I sent him on his merry way at 7. By the time I had cleaned up from breakfast I almost couldn’t function. I was exhausted and my body just ached and felt heavy. I KNEW riding my bike was out. I curled up in bed and luckily had the presence of mine to set my alarm, because I had to be at work at 10. Lucy, Ethel and Desi (the three oldest cats) were in their glory as they nestled up against me. The next thing I knew the alarm was going off. I had slept 2 hours. I was still determined to carry on, so I carted my gym bag to work with me. However, work was a struggle. I just couldn’t function. My mind was fuzzy and it was a chore to get through the day. Through most of the day I still entertained a delusional thought that I could actually make it to zumba. By the time I got off work, I knew it wasn’t going to happen. I stumbled home and curled up on the couch for the evening.
Tuesday morning dawned and I awoke feeling somewhat better. I laid in bed and honestly tried to talk myself out of running. But then I realized (with the help of the two motivational pieces below that I saw on FB just this morning) that I would be kicking myself if I did not do it. It was a total excuse; how I felt yesterday has no bearing on what I do today….it was an excuse and I don’t believe in excuses anymore. So I got up. I didn’t push myself. It was an easy run. Nothing spectacular but actually for supposing to be easy, it was totally average in length and actually spot on my normal time. I feel good. Slightly tired…but ok. Now just to get these 8 hours of work over so I can hit up zumba and YAY….Sherry AND Terri are both supposed to be there! I’ve so missed my zumba peeps the last few weeks!
I do not believe I shared my weight loss report from my ‘official weigh in’ on Sunday. (Maybe I did and I’m just having a brain dead moment…that is highly possible). I lost 1.3 pounds for a total lose of 93.1 and 29.5 since January. Yes, I am VERY close to getting my next charm for my bracelet! I’m sooooooo close in fact that when I weighed myself on Monday (and today also) I weighed in at 222.8 which is my 30 pound mark…which means that if I can hold that loss this week, that I will be buying my new charm. I do believe I’m going to commemorate these 10 pounds with a bike charm…..since I did buy my new bike! (thanks Sherry for the idea!) J I just have to wait until Sunday when I see my good weight on my OFFICIAL weigh in day.
Monday was a total bust for me. I had such grand plans too. I had planned to get up and ride a bit in the morning. Then I would work and then I would go to my social hour (AKA zumba). I got up early and made breakfast for Todd and I and I sent him on his merry way at 7. By the time I had cleaned up from breakfast I almost couldn’t function. I was exhausted and my body just ached and felt heavy. I KNEW riding my bike was out. I curled up in bed and luckily had the presence of mine to set my alarm, because I had to be at work at 10. Lucy, Ethel and Desi (the three oldest cats) were in their glory as they nestled up against me. The next thing I knew the alarm was going off. I had slept 2 hours. I was still determined to carry on, so I carted my gym bag to work with me. However, work was a struggle. I just couldn’t function. My mind was fuzzy and it was a chore to get through the day. Through most of the day I still entertained a delusional thought that I could actually make it to zumba. By the time I got off work, I knew it wasn’t going to happen. I stumbled home and curled up on the couch for the evening.
Tuesday morning dawned and I awoke feeling somewhat better. I laid in bed and honestly tried to talk myself out of running. But then I realized (with the help of the two motivational pieces below that I saw on FB just this morning) that I would be kicking myself if I did not do it. It was a total excuse; how I felt yesterday has no bearing on what I do today….it was an excuse and I don’t believe in excuses anymore. So I got up. I didn’t push myself. It was an easy run. Nothing spectacular but actually for supposing to be easy, it was totally average in length and actually spot on my normal time. I feel good. Slightly tired…but ok. Now just to get these 8 hours of work over so I can hit up zumba and YAY….Sherry AND Terri are both supposed to be there! I’ve so missed my zumba peeps the last few weeks!
Sunday, May 05, 2013
No exercise for me!
Ahhhh what a crazy busy fun weekend! It started on Friday afternoon when I got off work at 2. Todd and I planned to go play tennis. However, the plans fell through due to unforeseen circumstances. I wasn't too upset as it was really supposed to be my day of rest. :-) We instead enjoyed a nice drive a good dinner out and we got our grocery shopping done.
Saturday dawned and I headed out for my morning run. My first mile was rough, my breathing was all out of whack. I figured it out though. One glance at my heart rate monitor cleared it straight up! I was pushing the total absolute max heart rate. My time for my first mile was my best ever. However, I had to drop down to intervals after that first mile because my heart rate was just totally jumping really high. Intervals are good though. :-)
I got home from running and did a few things around the house and started making lunch. While I was making lunch Todd asked me what I bought because FedEx was making a delivery. I couldn't think of anything....until I remembered that I won a box of goodies on My journey to fit's blog I was so super excited that I just ripped that box open. Nice handwritten letter on top but more to come as I dug into the box!
Super excited about my goodies I finished lunch. We had picked up some fresh foods; zucchini and corn on the cob and watermelon. It is not yet in season here so I was skeptical about the taste but it was scrumptious and healthy! :-) After cleaning up from lunch I put my new bike on top of my car and headed to town. I visited with my family a bit and then my brother and I got down to business. He checked out my new bike and we headed to the bike shop to purchase me shoes. If I'm doing it, I may as well do it right even though that concept of being actually clipped in an 'part' of the bike petrified me. So I bought the bike shoes and we got the correct cleats/clips whatever you call them to correspond with my pedals. We went back to his house and he fixed my bike up and then we went outside. I'm not going to lie. I was absolutely terrified at the thought of clicking into the pedals and heading down the road chained to my bike (ok, maybe chained is being a bit melodramatic.....anklecuffed to the bike????....ok ok ok, attached to the bike). I KNEW that my fear was irrational, lots of bikers do it so I pushed through my fear and did it anyway. It wasn't too bad. We rode up and down a road a few times, stopping and letting me practice with the shoe pedal combination. He also gave me some pointers on the basics of the bike. I will admit, I almost knocked us both down at one stop sign. You see, I got my one foot off the pedal and wasn't thinking so I flung my other foot to the side and well, I was still attached to the bike. My brother was quick and grabbed my arm and HE was smart enough disengage from his bike pedals. I still was clipped in and well...almost took us both down one more time before I actually disengaged and had both feet firmly on the ground. I would definitely have gone down had he not caught me. Oops. :-) (and yes, I'm afraid of falling....but you know what.......that's another fear that I just have to deal will. This is not about being comfortable. This is about me making me the best version of MF that is possible!
After we got my bike squared away my brother and I walked to the fair grounds with his kids and watched a bit of the BMX races. Afterwards we all went to dinner. I got home about 8 happy and tired.
Saturday morning I woke up early but relaxed. I had decided to forgo the 6AM run and do it later. I wanted to check out my new road bike and I wanted my legs as fresh as possible. SOOOO I simply walked with Sherry at our normal walking hour. It was a great walk...and great talk! I went home and once again did a few things at the house (precious few) and prepared an early lunch. (turkey burgers on the grill...YUM!). Todd left and I sat down to relax a bit and let my food settle before I bit the bullet and headed out on my bike. Whadya know? I fell asleep. So I didn't get out until around 2.
Soo my first road bike road ride was today. (not counting the check it out and teaching ride yesterday). Wow...my nether regions are sore and achy. I did have the foresight to wear a pair of padded bike shorts but still...yikes! It wasn't an easy ride. Can I say BRU-TAL??? Yes, it was rough. TERRIBLY rough. But I pushed through and knocked out 10 miles! My body was sore and achy. I'm not being in that position so my arms were sore, my back was sore and well....it was just rough! My legs are not used to hilly terrain so they were burrrrning! I passed by the studio where Todd was working and I had a momentary thought of stopping and asking him to take me home (or just taking his car and picking him up later...ha ha ha) but that is cheating. I didn't even take the short way home...I kept on. It wasn't pretty and I was so thankful to get off that bike but I've had my base ride......it only gets better from here! (and I'm sure I'll soon feel my nether regions again!) My brother asked me later if I had to walk any hills. I honestly said that I did NOT walk any hill. I pushed through them all...I was slow as molasses (wow, isn't this slow thing becoming a common theme) but I pushed up any hill I encountered. And best of all????? I didn't fall off my bike by forgetting that I was clipped in! I didn't die.......see my fears were irrational!
I had barely arrived in my driveway (I was actually talking to a neighbor who was checking out my bike...he's also a biker and was double checking my brothers work in helping me find my bike and getting it set up for my size and all that stuff....he whole heartedly approved) when my brother called me. They were going to be in my general neck of the wood and wanted to know if I would like to join them on the canal with my bike for a ride. Now mind you I was never so happy to see my drive way just minutes earlier but of course I said yes! I carted my litespeed into the house and came out mere minutes later with my trek. I popped that sucker on the car and off I went. 8.32 miles on the canal, a little shopping in Shepherdstown and a quick stop at the studio and I was finally home at 7.
I seriously thought about going out for a run. I WANTED to. SOOO Bad. But I realized that three house of activity was probably where I needed to end it. I instead headed to the kitchen. I baked some zucchini chips, cooked off some carrots for my upcoming work lunches and made todd some pistachio biscotti. I crazily enough wasn't hungry. I did snack on fruit throughout the day. I was a bit worried about it and wondered if I was just pulling a "I'm not hungry for what I have planned to eat' mood. So I switched it up and thought about would I want to eat if it were going to be an ice cream sandwich or a piece of cake. My answer was no. I wouldn't want it even if it were that. SOOOO I knew I wasn't hungry and I didn't force myself to eat just because that what was planned.
So it's now 10PM. My weekend is just about over. BOOOOOOOO IT was fun. It was neat. And crazily enough, I don't FEEL as if I exercised at all. I just had fun! (well....my nether regions are telling me that I exercised on a small road bike seat!) Yup, there was no exercise for me.....it was just all plain and simple fun!!!
And one last shot of the river that I took during the ride on the canal!
Saturday dawned and I headed out for my morning run. My first mile was rough, my breathing was all out of whack. I figured it out though. One glance at my heart rate monitor cleared it straight up! I was pushing the total absolute max heart rate. My time for my first mile was my best ever. However, I had to drop down to intervals after that first mile because my heart rate was just totally jumping really high. Intervals are good though. :-)
I got home from running and did a few things around the house and started making lunch. While I was making lunch Todd asked me what I bought because FedEx was making a delivery. I couldn't think of anything....until I remembered that I won a box of goodies on My journey to fit's blog I was so super excited that I just ripped that box open. Nice handwritten letter on top but more to come as I dug into the box!
Super excited about my goodies I finished lunch. We had picked up some fresh foods; zucchini and corn on the cob and watermelon. It is not yet in season here so I was skeptical about the taste but it was scrumptious and healthy! :-) After cleaning up from lunch I put my new bike on top of my car and headed to town. I visited with my family a bit and then my brother and I got down to business. He checked out my new bike and we headed to the bike shop to purchase me shoes. If I'm doing it, I may as well do it right even though that concept of being actually clipped in an 'part' of the bike petrified me. So I bought the bike shoes and we got the correct cleats/clips whatever you call them to correspond with my pedals. We went back to his house and he fixed my bike up and then we went outside. I'm not going to lie. I was absolutely terrified at the thought of clicking into the pedals and heading down the road chained to my bike (ok, maybe chained is being a bit melodramatic.....anklecuffed to the bike????....ok ok ok, attached to the bike). I KNEW that my fear was irrational, lots of bikers do it so I pushed through my fear and did it anyway. It wasn't too bad. We rode up and down a road a few times, stopping and letting me practice with the shoe pedal combination. He also gave me some pointers on the basics of the bike. I will admit, I almost knocked us both down at one stop sign. You see, I got my one foot off the pedal and wasn't thinking so I flung my other foot to the side and well, I was still attached to the bike. My brother was quick and grabbed my arm and HE was smart enough disengage from his bike pedals. I still was clipped in and well...almost took us both down one more time before I actually disengaged and had both feet firmly on the ground. I would definitely have gone down had he not caught me. Oops. :-) (and yes, I'm afraid of falling....but you know what.......that's another fear that I just have to deal will. This is not about being comfortable. This is about me making me the best version of MF that is possible!
After we got my bike squared away my brother and I walked to the fair grounds with his kids and watched a bit of the BMX races. Afterwards we all went to dinner. I got home about 8 happy and tired.
Saturday morning I woke up early but relaxed. I had decided to forgo the 6AM run and do it later. I wanted to check out my new road bike and I wanted my legs as fresh as possible. SOOOO I simply walked with Sherry at our normal walking hour. It was a great walk...and great talk! I went home and once again did a few things at the house (precious few) and prepared an early lunch. (turkey burgers on the grill...YUM!). Todd left and I sat down to relax a bit and let my food settle before I bit the bullet and headed out on my bike. Whadya know? I fell asleep. So I didn't get out until around 2. Soo my first road bike road ride was today. (not counting the check it out and teaching ride yesterday). Wow...my nether regions are sore and achy. I did have the foresight to wear a pair of padded bike shorts but still...yikes! It wasn't an easy ride. Can I say BRU-TAL??? Yes, it was rough. TERRIBLY rough. But I pushed through and knocked out 10 miles! My body was sore and achy. I'm not being in that position so my arms were sore, my back was sore and well....it was just rough! My legs are not used to hilly terrain so they were burrrrning! I passed by the studio where Todd was working and I had a momentary thought of stopping and asking him to take me home (or just taking his car and picking him up later...ha ha ha) but that is cheating. I didn't even take the short way home...I kept on. It wasn't pretty and I was so thankful to get off that bike but I've had my base ride......it only gets better from here! (and I'm sure I'll soon feel my nether regions again!) My brother asked me later if I had to walk any hills. I honestly said that I did NOT walk any hill. I pushed through them all...I was slow as molasses (wow, isn't this slow thing becoming a common theme) but I pushed up any hill I encountered. And best of all????? I didn't fall off my bike by forgetting that I was clipped in! I didn't die.......see my fears were irrational!
I had barely arrived in my driveway (I was actually talking to a neighbor who was checking out my bike...he's also a biker and was double checking my brothers work in helping me find my bike and getting it set up for my size and all that stuff....he whole heartedly approved) when my brother called me. They were going to be in my general neck of the wood and wanted to know if I would like to join them on the canal with my bike for a ride. Now mind you I was never so happy to see my drive way just minutes earlier but of course I said yes! I carted my litespeed into the house and came out mere minutes later with my trek. I popped that sucker on the car and off I went. 8.32 miles on the canal, a little shopping in Shepherdstown and a quick stop at the studio and I was finally home at 7.
I seriously thought about going out for a run. I WANTED to. SOOO Bad. But I realized that three house of activity was probably where I needed to end it. I instead headed to the kitchen. I baked some zucchini chips, cooked off some carrots for my upcoming work lunches and made todd some pistachio biscotti. I crazily enough wasn't hungry. I did snack on fruit throughout the day. I was a bit worried about it and wondered if I was just pulling a "I'm not hungry for what I have planned to eat' mood. So I switched it up and thought about would I want to eat if it were going to be an ice cream sandwich or a piece of cake. My answer was no. I wouldn't want it even if it were that. SOOOO I knew I wasn't hungry and I didn't force myself to eat just because that what was planned.
So it's now 10PM. My weekend is just about over. BOOOOOOOO IT was fun. It was neat. And crazily enough, I don't FEEL as if I exercised at all. I just had fun! (well....my nether regions are telling me that I exercised on a small road bike seat!) Yup, there was no exercise for me.....it was just all plain and simple fun!!!
And one last shot of the river that I took during the ride on the canal!
Friday, May 03, 2013
Bring on the fun!
Ahhh welcome to the weekend! I'm not going to say much. I am just excited about the weekend. You see, for years the weekend was something that came along and I was so excited to watch a movie, relax on the couch and all sorts of things all sedentary in nature. Somehow my thinking has adjusted and changed in the last few months. NOW I'm excited about the weekend arriving because I have a run (or two) planned. I have a walking date with Sherry. I'm going to get my new bike checked out by my brother and hopefully get out on the road with it. I also hope to get out the canal on my trek (riding the Trek is not contingent upon getting myself outfitted to ride the Lightspeed). I've got so much activity that I want to do. For some reason, it's not exercise when I think about it....it's just FUN stuff. When did this change in my mind??? Zumba is the same, I know it's activity and exercise but for me it's just a fun part of my life. I'm finding my groove and learning to love some activities. I thought that was an impossibility for me!
That said, I don't want to get to comfortable because these feelings and this attitude is so new that it could change and the old MaryFran could emerge at the drop of a hat. So I'm guarding against any possible reemergence of that old MaryFran.
My eating was in line today. It was my scheduled rest day. My body didn't feel utterly tired and in need of the rest day this week. I can tell I didn't push myself as hard this week. That's OK, there is an ebb and flow in life. Meanwhile, just because my body didn't feel like it needed the break, that doesn't mean that I ignored the rest day. Nope, I still took it easy. My body is raring to go now......bring on the FUN!!! Bike rides, walks, runs and whatever else I can think of to do!!!!
So farewell until Monday....I have some fun to attend to!
That said, I don't want to get to comfortable because these feelings and this attitude is so new that it could change and the old MaryFran could emerge at the drop of a hat. So I'm guarding against any possible reemergence of that old MaryFran.
My eating was in line today. It was my scheduled rest day. My body didn't feel utterly tired and in need of the rest day this week. I can tell I didn't push myself as hard this week. That's OK, there is an ebb and flow in life. Meanwhile, just because my body didn't feel like it needed the break, that doesn't mean that I ignored the rest day. Nope, I still took it easy. My body is raring to go now......bring on the FUN!!! Bike rides, walks, runs and whatever else I can think of to do!!!!
So farewell until Monday....I have some fun to attend to!
My body thanks me!
I would like to thank the people that have commented on my
blog of late concerned about my well being.
I would like to say that I have been doing this for quite some
time. I started and continue under the
direction of my doctor. They both know exactly what I have done and am doing to
lose weight. I also started under the
umbrella of Weight Watchers. While I no
longer calculate and track according to weight watchers points, their
guidelines are still deeply embedded in my mind. I have compared the calories to points and
even though I have ‘forsaken’ Weight Watchers, my eating runs right in line
with what I would have eaten should I be counting weight watchers points. Which is a proven system and greatly approved
by doctors…in fact many doctors recommend using weight watchers because it is a
healthy approach…nothing fanatical like fasting once or twice a week just to
lose weight (I actually worked with a gal once that took the fasting to the
extreme…she fasted the whole work week and only ate on weekends…NUTS…personally
for anything other than religious reasons, fasting is an unhealthy practice
even if only for a day) or eating only cumquats for every meal. (What the heck is a cumquat!) or something
crazy such as only eating foods that begin with the letter S. (don’t lie, you
are thinking about what foods you could eat that start with S!) Anyway, I digress….. I have been doing what
should be done!
My blog is more of a touchy feely blog…emotions about weight loss, celebrations and struggles. I like it that way……but not today. I’m going to go scientific and a bit mathematicl on you……
|
Gender
|
Age (years)
|
Sedentaryb
|
Moderately
Activec
|
Actived
|
|
Child
|
2-3
|
1,000
|
1,000-1,400
|
1,000-1,400
|
|
Female
|
4-8
9-13 14-18 19-30 31-50 51+ |
1,200
1,600 1,800 2,000 1,800 1,600 |
1,400-1,600
1,600-2,000 2,000 2,000-2,200 2,000 1,800 |
1,400-1,800
1,800-2,200 2,400 2,400 2,200 2,000-2,200 |
|
Male
|
4-8
9-13 14-18 19-30 31-50 51+ |
1,400
1,800 2,200 2,400 2,200 2,000 |
1,400-1,600
1,800-2,200 2,400-2,800 2,600-2,800 2,400-2,600 2,200-2,400 |
1,600-2,000
2,000-2,600 2,800-3,200 3,000 2,800-3,000 2,400-2,800 |
The table is just a general idea of where you need to be and that wasn’t good enough for me, I wanted specifics. THUS, I went to http://www.medicalnewstoday.com/articles/245588.php where they have a nifty little calculator that figures up your base metabolic rate. I figured up my base rate. For a sedentary lifestyle for me that is 1764. This second website also then has you add in your lifestyle. I do pretty heavy intense exercise 6 times a week. So I adjusted my base metabolic rate according to the instructions on the website…which took me to 2206.25. (wow….it’s only 6.5 calories off of the table….I guess I didn’t need to do all the double checking on the second website). So that is the amount of calories that I need to eat to MAINTAIN my weight.
However, we all know that I’m not in this to maintain my weight at this point. (although knowing those numbers will come in handy in the future! J I’m in this to LOSE. I have always been told by my doctors and weight watchers that 2 pounds is the most that you should be losing on average each week. Everything else is to much. But for the sake of this post I decided to add a website showing this figure as the acceptable. http://www.shape.com/weight-loss/weight-loss-strategies/ask-diet-doctor-losing-10-pounds-week-safe So for the sake of argument I’m aiming at 2 pounds loss a week…average.
So how do you lose 2 pounds a week? Really weight loss is just like a budget. Deposits versus withdraw. Your deposits are what you are eating….your withdraw is what your body is spending to keep you moving (Stop laughing, you thought I was going to say your withdraw was what you leave in the bathroom….I’m SOOO not that crass…..ha ha ha). It’s a budget….calories in versus calories out. Just like your financial budget. If you want to save money you have to spend less money than you earn. Likewise, to lose weight I have to eat less than I burn. So it is common knowledge that there it takes a deficit of roughly 3500 calories to lose a pound. http://goaskalice.columbia.edu/how-many-calories-does-it-take-lose-one-pound So if I want to lose the max recommended poundage each week, I need to cut my calories by 7000 each week. (simple math…3500 plus 3500 equals 7000).
So let’s do the math….I need to cut my calories by 1000 each day in order to lose 2 pounds a week. 7000 calories divided by 7 days of the week equals 1000. If I could draw a line in this blog post I would draw a line back to the paragraph about the base metabolic rate. I can’t, so you will have to remember… my base metabolic rate is 2206.5 (at my current rate of exercise). SO for me to lose 2 pounds a week I need to cut my calories down to 1206.5 Guess what? I actually right now aim for 1250……I’m dead flat on with what I am aiming for to eat…maybe even a bit high.
Is this plan perfect and fail proof? No! Some weeks my body doesn’t lose like it should. It is not a given that I WILL lose 2 pounds. This plan is just a theory, a base. It’s based on science. It’s approved by doctors, trainers (yes, I’ve had fitness professionals recommend it), this is actually what Jillian Michaels expounded upon in her first (I think first) book and if you match up the calories with points that weight watchers uses it equals about to be the same.
I work the plan better than most. . I don’t fill up my calories with empty calories. Fast food, junk food, etc etc is not part of my diet. I will admit to some nights splurging and having a ½ cup of ice cream or some other sweet snack…SOME nights I said, not every night. However, the bulk of my calories are filling, healthy nutritional foods. They are foods that fill me up and leave me feeling satisfied all day long.
Ok, that said. I do not drop down way low in my calories. I do not have days where I only eat 600 or 700 calories. That is way to low and totally unhealthy. I eat a balanced diet and actually feel full and satisfied throughout the day. I eat healthy natural filling foods. I do exercise a lot. I exercise because right now it is the outlet for my stress. It is where I drown my sorrows.
I track everything I eat. I won’t lie about that. However, I am not anal about measuring and counting. Every once in a while I will measure just to make sure that I am on target, but I do not want to be tracking nazi. I want to live my life. So in reality, I KNOW that when I say I’m eating 1250 calories that I may, just may be eating 1300 or 1400. It’s a trade off for me……I track, I exercise lots but I don’t worry so much about measuring every morsel of food that goes into my mouth.
As for the amount of exercise I do…..I average between 1 hour to 1.5 hours a day (mostly about 1). It is MY time. Its kinda scary because I am finding that I LOVE it. I am exercising not because I have to….or because I need to. I’m doing it because I’m happy with myself when I do. For the first time in a long time I feel as if I’m doing something GOOD and RIGHT. It clears my mind from all the negative stuff that swirls in my mind all day. I do it for ME. I miss it when I don’t do it. I daydream about the liberation that exercise brings me….and the way my body feels when I complete a hard workout. That sense of pride is indescribable. That said, I’m not pushing myself to the brink of disaster. I take a day of rest and allow my body to rest. Sometimes my body demands an extra day of rest and you know what? I allow it. Generally speaking, we are under-using our bodies by a long shot. Our bodies are capable of so much and we are not even coming near reaching our bodies potential. I thought for a long time that if I exercised heavy and intensely that I was going to hurt myself. That’s not the case. I’m eating healthy foods that fuel my body. I’m not starving myself (in fact, if you could see how much food I do eat…lol). My body responds well. I come home from a run and I’ve got more energy, pep and vigor that if I didn’t. My body thanks me!
Thursday, May 02, 2013
A long way indeed
Sometimes if it feels as if I am treading water in this journey. The journey seems long. I feel as if it is two steps forward and one step back. This mornings run was that way. It wasn't a good run. Oh, I didn't hurl, or fall down or anything. I didn't have to stop and walk. I just felt tired and my time was SLOW and I cut it short (that was probably a mistake, maybe I should have pushed through it) by about a half mile to a mile. (Stupid GPS program malfunctioned on me AGAIN...second run in a row).
The old MaryFran wanted to come home and beat myself up about what felt like two steps backwards whilst eating a whole batch of cookie dough while I flipped the big stack of pancakes that I wanted to eat in order to tide me over to the cinnamon rolls that I could have in the oven in two shakes of a lambs tail. (yeah, loving to bake and cook is murder because even though I don't have the sweets in the house, it only takes a few minutes to whip up a batch of delightful food). No, I didn't do any of that. I made the planned breakfast for us and then I realized it was the beginning of May....and that called for a measurement day.
I took my measurements. My arms and my legs didn't hold any major changes...maybe a half inch off my thighs...but no major changes. My torso though...EVERY measurement that I took (and I take five from breasts down to hips) showed me dropping 1 inch! PROGRESS!
Seeing the inches drop made me look realistically at my weight. I've dropped 28,2 pounds this year alone! That is SPECTACULAR! Even more spectacular????? From my highest weight ever, I am down 91.8 pounds! Holy cow! I'm creeping up on the 100 pounds lost mark! PROGRESS!!!!
I run! PROGRESS!!
But lets break the running down even further. On January 31, I started to run. I was doing a C25K program. 90 seconds of running about near killed me. I remember the second week (I think it was the second week) when we had to run for three minutes straight. Sherry and I were together and we were SURE that the program had stopped because it had gone on forever and a day! I can now run for 45 minutes straight. I may be slower than a turtle in peanut butter, but I am out there doing it. I used to go for 20 minutes and barely broke a mile and was exhausted. Now I jog for 45 minutes or about 3.5 miles and come home reinvigorated. Yeah, my body is tired but I'm so hyped up that I am super productive. I've come a LONG way indeed in running. So what that today was a crappy run.....I STILL DID IT! And on January 31, I couldn't! PROGRESS
I will leave you with pictures from my morning run this morning. It may have been a slug fest for my legs and body, but it was GORGEOUS to my eyes!
The old MaryFran wanted to come home and beat myself up about what felt like two steps backwards whilst eating a whole batch of cookie dough while I flipped the big stack of pancakes that I wanted to eat in order to tide me over to the cinnamon rolls that I could have in the oven in two shakes of a lambs tail. (yeah, loving to bake and cook is murder because even though I don't have the sweets in the house, it only takes a few minutes to whip up a batch of delightful food). No, I didn't do any of that. I made the planned breakfast for us and then I realized it was the beginning of May....and that called for a measurement day.
I took my measurements. My arms and my legs didn't hold any major changes...maybe a half inch off my thighs...but no major changes. My torso though...EVERY measurement that I took (and I take five from breasts down to hips) showed me dropping 1 inch! PROGRESS!
Seeing the inches drop made me look realistically at my weight. I've dropped 28,2 pounds this year alone! That is SPECTACULAR! Even more spectacular????? From my highest weight ever, I am down 91.8 pounds! Holy cow! I'm creeping up on the 100 pounds lost mark! PROGRESS!!!!
I run! PROGRESS!!
But lets break the running down even further. On January 31, I started to run. I was doing a C25K program. 90 seconds of running about near killed me. I remember the second week (I think it was the second week) when we had to run for three minutes straight. Sherry and I were together and we were SURE that the program had stopped because it had gone on forever and a day! I can now run for 45 minutes straight. I may be slower than a turtle in peanut butter, but I am out there doing it. I used to go for 20 minutes and barely broke a mile and was exhausted. Now I jog for 45 minutes or about 3.5 miles and come home reinvigorated. Yeah, my body is tired but I'm so hyped up that I am super productive. I've come a LONG way indeed in running. So what that today was a crappy run.....I STILL DID IT! And on January 31, I couldn't! PROGRESS
I will leave you with pictures from my morning run this morning. It may have been a slug fest for my legs and body, but it was GORGEOUS to my eyes!
Wednesday, May 01, 2013
Disjointed Catch up
Really the things I have to say don't really flow into one easy blog post so I'm going to write random paragraphs. Some may build upon each other, other will be totally random!
******I went to the gym yesterday morning. I ran for 2 miles on the treadmill (25 minutes or thereabouts) then I moved to the exercise bike and biked for 25 minutes (10 plus miles) and then I worked on my upper body. While I was doing the cardio I was pushing it and working it. My heart rate was high in my zone and I felt GREAT! Even when my heart rate is really high in my zone (both based on the generic age zone and the zone based upon my resting heart rate) I can still talk and converse like normal....which is the unofficial litmus test. So I'm not worried about maxing myself out. When I get to that point, I back off :-) I'm not in this to hurt myself or damage any components of my body!
******We don't have a lot of extra money, but I've been slowly saving my 'allowance' for ages. I've been slowly watching my stash of money grow. I also occasionally totally deplete that stash and have to start again. The saving has been for a road bike. I have had a Trek Nav and I have LOVED it. It was just what I needed when I bought it. It is still an awesome bike to ride on the canal. It has been a reliable and wonderful bike. But, I want to branch out and ride on the roads and while I can on my Trek, it just isn't as feasible. I've in essence outgrown the Trek. (that said I'm NOT getting rid of my Trek!) So I saved. Recently I started to watch for used bikes on Craigslist and other used outlets. I didn't want to go bottom of the barrel with an entry level bike (I knew that I would quickly outgrow the bike..and the limitations of the bike). But good road bikes are expensive! I have contacted bike ad after bike ad. I've either gotten there too late and the bike is gone already or the bike is built for a giant (ok ok ok, 60cm frames are not for giants...they are just too big for me!). FINALLY on Monday I saw bike on Craigslist that would work for me size wise! It is a Lightspeed Vela. Lightspeed is a high end bike manufacturer that for a while made some entry level bikes (retailing for about $1500-2000). It didn't last long becuase they were just not making a profit on the bike. Anyway, I contacted her within an hour of her placing the ad. It looked good. I had my brother researching it. I went and looked at the bike last night and it looked good and I purchased it. So I now have a road bike. I have to either swap out the pedals or buy a pair of clip shoes so I can ride it. I also have to figure out how the shifting mechanism works. I rode the bike around the neighborhood and got it to shift once or twice but admittedly, I'm sure it is user error. (My brother laughed when I told him over the phone my shifting issues and also agreed that it was most likely user error). The bike took me to the limit of what I had saved. I have 75 bucks (and that is only leaving 3 dollars in my savings account) left after buying the bike...and that will probably be sucked into the few things I need to actually ride the bike. (I either need to swap to flat top pedals or buy clipped shoes and learn to actually use them) I always hate hate hate depleting my savings. I hate parting with my moldy money, but oh well..... I only hope that this purchase turns out to be money well spent! Meaning that I love the bike and that I USE the bike a LOT! (My brother thinks that since this is my first road bike and I have nothing to compare it with, that I will automatically love it.....he said it's like how we all remember our first car with love and fond memories!)
***** Photoshoots of people..while not my favorite thing to do (I prefer architecture, nature, scenery, inanimate objects) helps build the savings account...so hopefully soon I can pick up few small shoots! I do have a wedding that I'm supposed to shoot in about a month...so whew I can start rebuilding the funds that I just depleted to buy my bike! That and my 'allowance'. Allowance at age 40? Yes, Todd and I each payday get a set amount of money to put into our pockets. This is OUR money. If we want to skip packing a lunch for work, we can use our allowance to eat out. Or we can pack our lunch and save our money and use it for hobbies (Todd just purchased a bunch of stuff for his beermaking hobby AND a bunch of stuff for his painting hobby). It's our money to do with what we want. It keeps our random spending for our own purposes (hobbies and fun) in check. NO, when we do something together like dinner out last night it comes from the 'general' fund.
****** The bike I purchased last night was in Germantown...which is about an hour away from me. So after work Todd and I took a little trip. Of course we planned to go to dinner after looking at the bike. (oh heck, that was a trip for ME and my bike...should I have purchased dinner out of my allowance? ha ha ha No, it came from the general fund....we hadn't eaten out in about 2 weeks so we were good!) We ended up at Red Robin. I had eaten accordingly all day. How does one eat accordingly all day? Well, I filled up my lunchbox with low calories/low fat items. I ate just as much as any other day and actually didn't even eat everything in my lunchbox because it was a LOT of food, I just planned my food wisely to give myself the maximum calories to spend at dinner. I walked into the restaurant with about 700 of my daily calories left from my base calories. I started looking. My normal sandwich was 900 calories (or thereabouts. YIKES! I don't know if they just changed their menus to add the calories of if I had just never noticed...we hadn't been at Red Robin since before I started watching my weight again. I looked for lessor sandwich and thought about settling for something else to save a few calories. I finally decided to get the sandwich that I wanted but to swap out the fries (and they do have pretty decent fries) for the fruit salad. Nice trade and only put me at about 1000 calories for the meal (and that is only 300 calories over!!!) Todd (Mr. Sabotage ha ha ha) really wanted the pretzel bites. So I agreed. I counted my calories and entered them in. I'm about 500 calories over for the day (putting me at 1800 calories for the day give or take). I panicked for a moment or two there after we ordered. But then I calmed myself down and reminded myself of two things. The first thing? I exercised HARD in the morning so even though I was eating more, I had at least burnt those calories already in the morning..plus some. And no, I don't subscribe to that attitude with my exercise. But on occasion it actually works! The second thing? Our bodies get in ruts with what we are eating. Jillian Michael's first book (I think it's the first one) was a great read and she actually encouraged the readers to change up their calorie counts. She recommends to have four or five consecutive low days and then pop it up and have a high caloric day thrown in there. She advocated that it would keep your metabolism from getting into a 'rut.' I know that when I was losing my weight the first time I would watch carefully EVERY MEAL of the week except one. On weigh in nights at weight watchers, I would leave my weigh in and I would have a TOTAL splurge meal. Comfort foods....pizza.....whatever I wanted. I consistently lost weight too! (and eventually you also find that your splurges are not the 3000 calorie splurges that you once had....like me...I am only 500 over for the whole stinkin' day...on a splurge day!) It worked for me. So I had to remind myself of that last night. So I stepped on the scale this morning....the verdict?????????? I stayed EXACTLY the same! 224.6! So I know to buckle down today. NO splurges....clean eating...and all will be well. Oh and that maintain (and Sundays loss of 1 pound) comes along with the monthly ick!
***** I'm solidly into a woman's size 16. I found the first time I lost weight that there is a huge break between woman's size 16 and regular size 16. So 16 is the "feels like forever" size. It's almost as if there is an extra size in there. 16a and 16b. Regardless...I'm into 16 women's.....my size 18's are getting loose....the 20's are off my shelves and in a storage tote/bin. Moving right along!
***** It's Wednesday. The work week will soon be officially half over! Can't wait for the weekend! Todd and I can hopefully get on our bikes or do something active on Friday afternoon when I get off at 2. (he mentioned a game of tennis, I mentioned a bike ride on the canal). I also will be having my brother look at my new baby...my road bike and I'll be getting geared up for that. Lets see, I'll get a run or two in there.....and a walk with Sherry. But in the meantime...it's Wednesday...so work all day....zumba tonight. Maybe I can even squeeze in a yoga workout or maybe a step aerobics workout this morning before work (it makes me feel so much better to workout in the morning....revs me up and makes me feel alive for my day! I better skedaddle!
******I went to the gym yesterday morning. I ran for 2 miles on the treadmill (25 minutes or thereabouts) then I moved to the exercise bike and biked for 25 minutes (10 plus miles) and then I worked on my upper body. While I was doing the cardio I was pushing it and working it. My heart rate was high in my zone and I felt GREAT! Even when my heart rate is really high in my zone (both based on the generic age zone and the zone based upon my resting heart rate) I can still talk and converse like normal....which is the unofficial litmus test. So I'm not worried about maxing myself out. When I get to that point, I back off :-) I'm not in this to hurt myself or damage any components of my body!
******We don't have a lot of extra money, but I've been slowly saving my 'allowance' for ages. I've been slowly watching my stash of money grow. I also occasionally totally deplete that stash and have to start again. The saving has been for a road bike. I have had a Trek Nav and I have LOVED it. It was just what I needed when I bought it. It is still an awesome bike to ride on the canal. It has been a reliable and wonderful bike. But, I want to branch out and ride on the roads and while I can on my Trek, it just isn't as feasible. I've in essence outgrown the Trek. (that said I'm NOT getting rid of my Trek!) So I saved. Recently I started to watch for used bikes on Craigslist and other used outlets. I didn't want to go bottom of the barrel with an entry level bike (I knew that I would quickly outgrow the bike..and the limitations of the bike). But good road bikes are expensive! I have contacted bike ad after bike ad. I've either gotten there too late and the bike is gone already or the bike is built for a giant (ok ok ok, 60cm frames are not for giants...they are just too big for me!). FINALLY on Monday I saw bike on Craigslist that would work for me size wise! It is a Lightspeed Vela. Lightspeed is a high end bike manufacturer that for a while made some entry level bikes (retailing for about $1500-2000). It didn't last long becuase they were just not making a profit on the bike. Anyway, I contacted her within an hour of her placing the ad. It looked good. I had my brother researching it. I went and looked at the bike last night and it looked good and I purchased it. So I now have a road bike. I have to either swap out the pedals or buy a pair of clip shoes so I can ride it. I also have to figure out how the shifting mechanism works. I rode the bike around the neighborhood and got it to shift once or twice but admittedly, I'm sure it is user error. (My brother laughed when I told him over the phone my shifting issues and also agreed that it was most likely user error). The bike took me to the limit of what I had saved. I have 75 bucks (and that is only leaving 3 dollars in my savings account) left after buying the bike...and that will probably be sucked into the few things I need to actually ride the bike. (I either need to swap to flat top pedals or buy clipped shoes and learn to actually use them) I always hate hate hate depleting my savings. I hate parting with my moldy money, but oh well..... I only hope that this purchase turns out to be money well spent! Meaning that I love the bike and that I USE the bike a LOT! (My brother thinks that since this is my first road bike and I have nothing to compare it with, that I will automatically love it.....he said it's like how we all remember our first car with love and fond memories!)
***** Photoshoots of people..while not my favorite thing to do (I prefer architecture, nature, scenery, inanimate objects) helps build the savings account...so hopefully soon I can pick up few small shoots! I do have a wedding that I'm supposed to shoot in about a month...so whew I can start rebuilding the funds that I just depleted to buy my bike! That and my 'allowance'. Allowance at age 40? Yes, Todd and I each payday get a set amount of money to put into our pockets. This is OUR money. If we want to skip packing a lunch for work, we can use our allowance to eat out. Or we can pack our lunch and save our money and use it for hobbies (Todd just purchased a bunch of stuff for his beermaking hobby AND a bunch of stuff for his painting hobby). It's our money to do with what we want. It keeps our random spending for our own purposes (hobbies and fun) in check. NO, when we do something together like dinner out last night it comes from the 'general' fund.
****** The bike I purchased last night was in Germantown...which is about an hour away from me. So after work Todd and I took a little trip. Of course we planned to go to dinner after looking at the bike. (oh heck, that was a trip for ME and my bike...should I have purchased dinner out of my allowance? ha ha ha No, it came from the general fund....we hadn't eaten out in about 2 weeks so we were good!) We ended up at Red Robin. I had eaten accordingly all day. How does one eat accordingly all day? Well, I filled up my lunchbox with low calories/low fat items. I ate just as much as any other day and actually didn't even eat everything in my lunchbox because it was a LOT of food, I just planned my food wisely to give myself the maximum calories to spend at dinner. I walked into the restaurant with about 700 of my daily calories left from my base calories. I started looking. My normal sandwich was 900 calories (or thereabouts. YIKES! I don't know if they just changed their menus to add the calories of if I had just never noticed...we hadn't been at Red Robin since before I started watching my weight again. I looked for lessor sandwich and thought about settling for something else to save a few calories. I finally decided to get the sandwich that I wanted but to swap out the fries (and they do have pretty decent fries) for the fruit salad. Nice trade and only put me at about 1000 calories for the meal (and that is only 300 calories over!!!) Todd (Mr. Sabotage ha ha ha) really wanted the pretzel bites. So I agreed. I counted my calories and entered them in. I'm about 500 calories over for the day (putting me at 1800 calories for the day give or take). I panicked for a moment or two there after we ordered. But then I calmed myself down and reminded myself of two things. The first thing? I exercised HARD in the morning so even though I was eating more, I had at least burnt those calories already in the morning..plus some. And no, I don't subscribe to that attitude with my exercise. But on occasion it actually works! The second thing? Our bodies get in ruts with what we are eating. Jillian Michael's first book (I think it's the first one) was a great read and she actually encouraged the readers to change up their calorie counts. She recommends to have four or five consecutive low days and then pop it up and have a high caloric day thrown in there. She advocated that it would keep your metabolism from getting into a 'rut.' I know that when I was losing my weight the first time I would watch carefully EVERY MEAL of the week except one. On weigh in nights at weight watchers, I would leave my weigh in and I would have a TOTAL splurge meal. Comfort foods....pizza.....whatever I wanted. I consistently lost weight too! (and eventually you also find that your splurges are not the 3000 calorie splurges that you once had....like me...I am only 500 over for the whole stinkin' day...on a splurge day!) It worked for me. So I had to remind myself of that last night. So I stepped on the scale this morning....the verdict?????????? I stayed EXACTLY the same! 224.6! So I know to buckle down today. NO splurges....clean eating...and all will be well. Oh and that maintain (and Sundays loss of 1 pound) comes along with the monthly ick!
***** I'm solidly into a woman's size 16. I found the first time I lost weight that there is a huge break between woman's size 16 and regular size 16. So 16 is the "feels like forever" size. It's almost as if there is an extra size in there. 16a and 16b. Regardless...I'm into 16 women's.....my size 18's are getting loose....the 20's are off my shelves and in a storage tote/bin. Moving right along!
***** It's Wednesday. The work week will soon be officially half over! Can't wait for the weekend! Todd and I can hopefully get on our bikes or do something active on Friday afternoon when I get off at 2. (he mentioned a game of tennis, I mentioned a bike ride on the canal). I also will be having my brother look at my new baby...my road bike and I'll be getting geared up for that. Lets see, I'll get a run or two in there.....and a walk with Sherry. But in the meantime...it's Wednesday...so work all day....zumba tonight. Maybe I can even squeeze in a yoga workout or maybe a step aerobics workout this morning before work (it makes me feel so much better to workout in the morning....revs me up and makes me feel alive for my day! I better skedaddle!
Monday, April 29, 2013
Winning is not what you think!
Our society has a very warped sense of what winning really is. We think we know...but it's totally wrong!!!!
I was talking to my friend Sherry yesterday about her daughter and her daughters issues with sports. Her daughter starts gung ho and then peters out. I was the same way growing up. I wanted to try lots, but then I hit the brick wall (be it pain, boredom, etc etc etc) and quit. I told my friend that she needs to focus on the victory being in that her daughter completes the season. The victory is not in setting wonderful records or winning every game. The victory is that she does it and COMPLETES it!
This conversation was fresh in my mind while my brother and I talked later in the afternoon. We were talking about soccer. He is coaching a young team (my 6 year old nephew is on that team). His beef with coaching the team is that the purpose of the age group that he is coaching is to get the kids out there and moving and to let them have fun. He stresses out because some parents are hard core about winning. These parents are running up and down the sidelines yelling at the kids and pushing the kids. They are stealing the fun from the kids because the pressure to win has been elevated. Seriously, these kids are 6 years old! My brothers words were 'we are creating a society of children, future adults that are hyped up on winning.' We are teaching them that winning is the end all be all and nothing else matters. Is this really what we want?
My brother and I talked about team sports and such. I looked at him and said "I think that's why I'm liking running". He looked at me and smiled and asked me to clarify (although I think he knew what I was going to say.) I replied with. " Lets look at the Boston Marathon simply because that's all we hear about lately....they had what? 30,000 runners?" He and my sister in law nodded in agreement to my rough (really rough) estimate. I went on. "I would wager a bet that there were only a handful of people that ran that that actually even thought that they had a snowballs chance in hell of winning that thing." Less than 100 people probably were really only contenders to win. (And I'm being very liberal, I bet it was even less than that). Yet tens of thousands of other people ran it. Why? Why would they run it if they knew they were not going to win?" I of course paused dramatically at that point before I made my profound point. "They did it because for them the victory was in finishing the race. The victory was in possibly setting a personal record for running marathon. The victory was in the flush of success!" THAT is what sportsmanship and winning is about.
My brother quickly nodded his head. He looked at me and said "Most individual sports are like that. Why do you think I ride a bicycle? I win every time I climb a bigger hill in at a faster pace. I win each and every timee I successfully finish." My brother looked toward my niece who was sitting quietly listening to the conversation. "Ali gets it. While there are winners in gymnastics and she is striving to win and we do celebrate when she places, she is competing against herself. She celebrates her 'best ever' scores. She is competing against herself first and foremost!"
That is what winning is about. It's about competing with yourself. Some days winning is simply getting out there and running or riding or whatever. Some days it's about setting a personal best record. Admittedly, some days it IS about taking first place in an event....but not always. Winning is SIMPLY doing it!
That all said. I have been very quiet about posting goals and numbers and such. I know round about where I want to be weight wise, but I'm not stressing about it. Yes, I would like to be there as soon as possible and I would LOVE to set goals to be a a certain weight by a certain time. But I'm refusing to set goals like that...they only set us up to fail. But I'm going to set a goal today. Right now I'm running a 5k distance in bout 43 minutes (that was Saturdays run). My goal for Mary 18th, which is the paws on the pavement 5k that I am registered for is the run that in under 40. I don't care if it is one second shy of forty minutes, I want to be UNDER 40! So I have to shave 3 minutes off my time in 3 weeks. Can I do it???? Yikes! That's my goal!
I was talking to my friend Sherry yesterday about her daughter and her daughters issues with sports. Her daughter starts gung ho and then peters out. I was the same way growing up. I wanted to try lots, but then I hit the brick wall (be it pain, boredom, etc etc etc) and quit. I told my friend that she needs to focus on the victory being in that her daughter completes the season. The victory is not in setting wonderful records or winning every game. The victory is that she does it and COMPLETES it!
This conversation was fresh in my mind while my brother and I talked later in the afternoon. We were talking about soccer. He is coaching a young team (my 6 year old nephew is on that team). His beef with coaching the team is that the purpose of the age group that he is coaching is to get the kids out there and moving and to let them have fun. He stresses out because some parents are hard core about winning. These parents are running up and down the sidelines yelling at the kids and pushing the kids. They are stealing the fun from the kids because the pressure to win has been elevated. Seriously, these kids are 6 years old! My brothers words were 'we are creating a society of children, future adults that are hyped up on winning.' We are teaching them that winning is the end all be all and nothing else matters. Is this really what we want?
My brother and I talked about team sports and such. I looked at him and said "I think that's why I'm liking running". He looked at me and smiled and asked me to clarify (although I think he knew what I was going to say.) I replied with. " Lets look at the Boston Marathon simply because that's all we hear about lately....they had what? 30,000 runners?" He and my sister in law nodded in agreement to my rough (really rough) estimate. I went on. "I would wager a bet that there were only a handful of people that ran that that actually even thought that they had a snowballs chance in hell of winning that thing." Less than 100 people probably were really only contenders to win. (And I'm being very liberal, I bet it was even less than that). Yet tens of thousands of other people ran it. Why? Why would they run it if they knew they were not going to win?" I of course paused dramatically at that point before I made my profound point. "They did it because for them the victory was in finishing the race. The victory was in possibly setting a personal record for running marathon. The victory was in the flush of success!" THAT is what sportsmanship and winning is about.
My brother quickly nodded his head. He looked at me and said "Most individual sports are like that. Why do you think I ride a bicycle? I win every time I climb a bigger hill in at a faster pace. I win each and every timee I successfully finish." My brother looked toward my niece who was sitting quietly listening to the conversation. "Ali gets it. While there are winners in gymnastics and she is striving to win and we do celebrate when she places, she is competing against herself. She celebrates her 'best ever' scores. She is competing against herself first and foremost!"
That is what winning is about. It's about competing with yourself. Some days winning is simply getting out there and running or riding or whatever. Some days it's about setting a personal best record. Admittedly, some days it IS about taking first place in an event....but not always. Winning is SIMPLY doing it!
That all said. I have been very quiet about posting goals and numbers and such. I know round about where I want to be weight wise, but I'm not stressing about it. Yes, I would like to be there as soon as possible and I would LOVE to set goals to be a a certain weight by a certain time. But I'm refusing to set goals like that...they only set us up to fail. But I'm going to set a goal today. Right now I'm running a 5k distance in bout 43 minutes (that was Saturdays run). My goal for Mary 18th, which is the paws on the pavement 5k that I am registered for is the run that in under 40. I don't care if it is one second shy of forty minutes, I want to be UNDER 40! So I have to shave 3 minutes off my time in 3 weeks. Can I do it???? Yikes! That's my goal!
Sunday, April 28, 2013
Why quit?
I'm a quitter. Yes, that's me, or rather it was the old me. It has taken me years 40 to be exact to 'get it'. It has taken me 40 years to realize that you don't quit when it gets tough. You don't quit when you get bored. You don't quit when you don't like it. You push through and FINISH. It started with me working to finish some of my unfinished cross stitch projects. (I've made headway...out of the ten unfinished projects that I had last fall, I now only have 3...and that will go down to 2 in the next day or so!). It carried through to the C25K program. I was DETERMINED to finish it and I did! I'm tired of being a quitter. I am going to be the finisher from now on!
My favorite quote from The Biggest loser was a few years ago when one of the contestants realized that they were not going to win a difficult challenge so they just walked off and didn't finish it. When the reckoning with the trainers came about the results of the challenge Bob looked at the contestant and said "What's the use of starting if you are just going to quit?" How true!!!
So the previous two weeks of my weigh ins I posted WONDERFUL numbers I lost 2.9 pounds one week and the following week I lost 3.1 pounds. Yes, 6 pounds in two weeks! I worked my tail end off this week and my eating was spot on. This week I posted a 1 pound loss. I'm OK with that. 7 pounds in 3 week is AWESOME!
The other day I officially registered for Pedal to Preserve in Lancaster, County on June 1! The first time I did this ride I weighed about 210 pounds (give or take). I'm 225.6. I don't think I can get back to that 210 in time for the ride this year (how cool would that be) , but I am to be as close as I possibly can be!! (OK, I'll be happy with being in in my 'teens' so anywhere 219 or below!
I am realizing that my blog is being overrun with running information. ....and so utterly repetitive! Oh well....it's my blog so read on.......!!
Saturday was gorgeous! Absolutely gorgeous. My husband was judging a battle of the bands at a local campground park. We had passes in and and heard that they had some great hiking trails, so the plan was to go hiking after the end of the battle of the bands. However, that didn't materialize (Todd hadn't eaten lunch and was hungry so we went home). I didn't let that stop me from being active. He went out to mow and I went to the C&;O Canal and ran. I started the run and almost immediately I felt heavy and just well slow. I wasn't quitting. The run quickly became a thing of 'I just want to finish the miles I had planned" It was not a thing of trying to better my time it was simple a thing of finishing. I ran (ok ok ok, I jogged) onward! I started noticing that my heart rate was running higher than normal. Odd. Very odd. Could it have been that I don't normally run in the afternoon, so maybe my HR is higher in the afternoon? I thought about it for a while, but then just said oh well, I wasn't in any danger, and I wasn't struggling to breathe so I just carried on. Eventually I checked my mileage and that's when I realized why my heart rate was higher. I was pushing it at my fastest and while I thought I was going slow, I was actually running at a fast clip (for me). I finished my run with 3.5 miles on the clock and my best average pace ever (I did walk a cumulative of about 30-60 seconds). What shocked me was my fastest pace. I just keep track of it, but I don't hold it as any set in stone thing, just basically as the fact that I for a few short seconds at least, got my body moving that fast. I was previously tickled because I had showed a 10:00 fastest pace. I finished yesterday with a fastest pace of 8.27. What? My body actually went that fast (even if only for a few seconds). ha ha ha So what felt slow actually was a pretty good run!!!

Sunday morning I woke up at 5:30 and I was out on the battlefield early. I wanted to get my run in before my weekly Sunday morning walk with Sherry! I don't know many stats about the run as my GPS malfunctioned (I have no clue what happened). I did actually realize this fact about a half mile into my run but said 'screw it' and decided to just run to run. I knew the route I was using would be just a hair over 3 miles so that was all I needed. :-) I finished it in an average time frame and my heart rate actually ran lower than normal. Go figure. Oh well. (and I knew I wasn't pushing it as hard as I could during my run because of my heart rate reports).
Running on the battlefield at sunrise makes me want to get out with my camera!!!!!!! So home now....relaxing......I'm going to have lunch and then mosey up to hang with my family for the day. Not sure what I'll get into whilst there!
My favorite quote from The Biggest loser was a few years ago when one of the contestants realized that they were not going to win a difficult challenge so they just walked off and didn't finish it. When the reckoning with the trainers came about the results of the challenge Bob looked at the contestant and said "What's the use of starting if you are just going to quit?" How true!!!
So the previous two weeks of my weigh ins I posted WONDERFUL numbers I lost 2.9 pounds one week and the following week I lost 3.1 pounds. Yes, 6 pounds in two weeks! I worked my tail end off this week and my eating was spot on. This week I posted a 1 pound loss. I'm OK with that. 7 pounds in 3 week is AWESOME!
The other day I officially registered for Pedal to Preserve in Lancaster, County on June 1! The first time I did this ride I weighed about 210 pounds (give or take). I'm 225.6. I don't think I can get back to that 210 in time for the ride this year (how cool would that be) , but I am to be as close as I possibly can be!! (OK, I'll be happy with being in in my 'teens' so anywhere 219 or below!
I am realizing that my blog is being overrun with running information. ....and so utterly repetitive! Oh well....it's my blog so read on.......!!
Saturday was gorgeous! Absolutely gorgeous. My husband was judging a battle of the bands at a local campground park. We had passes in and and heard that they had some great hiking trails, so the plan was to go hiking after the end of the battle of the bands. However, that didn't materialize (Todd hadn't eaten lunch and was hungry so we went home). I didn't let that stop me from being active. He went out to mow and I went to the C&;O Canal and ran. I started the run and almost immediately I felt heavy and just well slow. I wasn't quitting. The run quickly became a thing of 'I just want to finish the miles I had planned" It was not a thing of trying to better my time it was simple a thing of finishing. I ran (ok ok ok, I jogged) onward! I started noticing that my heart rate was running higher than normal. Odd. Very odd. Could it have been that I don't normally run in the afternoon, so maybe my HR is higher in the afternoon? I thought about it for a while, but then just said oh well, I wasn't in any danger, and I wasn't struggling to breathe so I just carried on. Eventually I checked my mileage and that's when I realized why my heart rate was higher. I was pushing it at my fastest and while I thought I was going slow, I was actually running at a fast clip (for me). I finished my run with 3.5 miles on the clock and my best average pace ever (I did walk a cumulative of about 30-60 seconds). What shocked me was my fastest pace. I just keep track of it, but I don't hold it as any set in stone thing, just basically as the fact that I for a few short seconds at least, got my body moving that fast. I was previously tickled because I had showed a 10:00 fastest pace. I finished yesterday with a fastest pace of 8.27. What? My body actually went that fast (even if only for a few seconds). ha ha ha So what felt slow actually was a pretty good run!!!
Sunday morning I woke up at 5:30 and I was out on the battlefield early. I wanted to get my run in before my weekly Sunday morning walk with Sherry! I don't know many stats about the run as my GPS malfunctioned (I have no clue what happened). I did actually realize this fact about a half mile into my run but said 'screw it' and decided to just run to run. I knew the route I was using would be just a hair over 3 miles so that was all I needed. :-) I finished it in an average time frame and my heart rate actually ran lower than normal. Go figure. Oh well. (and I knew I wasn't pushing it as hard as I could during my run because of my heart rate reports).
Running on the battlefield at sunrise makes me want to get out with my camera!!!!!!! So home now....relaxing......I'm going to have lunch and then mosey up to hang with my family for the day. Not sure what I'll get into whilst there!
Labels:
c25k,
quitting,
running,
weight loss,
weight report
Friday, April 26, 2013
Analyze ME!
Last night was one of those nights where I had a vivid dream, one that I remembered clear as a bell when I woke up.
I walked into the gym. (not my own gym weirdly enough) There were people everywhere. I looked around for an empty machine to hop upon. I had originally planned to hop on an elliptical, but it really didn't matter what I used. I would be just as content on the treadmill or a bike, I could adjust. I weaved through the people toward an empty elliptical (which turned out to be a stair climber instead). I hopped on and started to workout. I listened to the chatter around me. They were holding a fat-to-fit boot camp (Is there even such a thing?) and lucky me, I was working out right in the midst of the first workout. I tried to focus on myself but I couldn't help but see the overweight gal standing next to me. (I won't bore you with the details of what she was wearing, the color of her hair) She was on a treadmill and she was cranking away. Her face was beat red. She was pushing herself to the utter max. I started to worry about her. Seriously, she looked like she was going to have a heart attack at any minute. I glanced at the fit to fat instructor that was supposed to be watching the group and he was preoccupied. I looked back at this woman and she wasn't there anymore. She was kneeling and bent over on the floor at the end of the treadmill crying and sobbing. When I hopped off and went to her, she sobbed out her frustration. She was frustrated with exercise already after only a minute or two. "I can't even make it a minute, there is no way" I talked to her for a few minutes (the instructor never showed up through that) and figured out that she was frustrated because she wanted to do it and do it 'right' and she couldn't. She told me that she wanted to do what everyone else was doing so that she didn't stick out like a sore thumb. She wanted to follow the fit-to-fat instructions. After talking to her and listening and remembering what I saw while she was on the treadmill I knew that she indeed COULD exercise, that it was just a simple problem of she wanted to be fit right at that moment. She looked at me and said "you are doing it". I laughed and said, I'm a big girl, still but I've worked my butt off to get to the level of physical fitness that I am at and I still have a long way to go. I instructed her to get on the treadmill She was hesitant but did it. And then I started the treadmill so that she was walking at a snails pace. She did it and she immediately pushed the buttons until the treadmill was flying by at warp speed, in the dream it was set at speed 43 (ha ha ha,, as if a treadmill cold go that fast). Yes, she flew backwards (ok ok ok , that didn't happen but I wish it would have..that would have added some comic relief to my dream). I pushed her back to a slower pace. She kept looking around and wanting to go faster (back to that speed of 43) I had to work to keep her going at a slow pace. She had to see that she could do it. We slowly added more speed until she was at a comfortable pace. I was in the middle of reminding her that we all have to start somewhere and we can't push ourselves too fast. At this point the very hot looking instructor arrived and without butting in just started to listen in. The dream did go on..but well, that involves the instructor and I and some private....... (Dang, once again that didn't happen......DRAT! Or did it????? ha ha ha)
I woke up from my dream and I remembered how far I've come. Not just in my running, but in my whole physical fitness. I've had some major ups and downs in my physical fitness in the last few years. But I have come SOOOO far. I have been the girl on the treadmill trying to do what they say is the 'thing' to do, the 'speed' to go, the 'incline' to achieve. Years back I had to come to the realization that exercise is immensely personal. My abilities lie within myself, not within what someone else tells me I SHOULD be doing. It is not contingent upon what the person on the next treadmill is doing. It is contingent upon what my body says it can do (notice I didn't say what my brain says I can do...that's a totally different story). Sometimes we have to swallow our pride and start small. Slow as a snail on the treadmill was a victory for the gal in the dream. Slow as a slug running (but improving each time I run) is a victory for ME!
So any other deep thoughts about my dream? Should I take anything else from this dream???? Analyze me!
Today is my day of rest. Goodness, I love the day of rest....ok, my BODY loves my day of rest. But my mind is just itching to get out there and do something! What a quandary! (and heck, where did the old MaryFran go!) My eating is planned for today. I made a nice breakfast for Todd and I and I have packed my lunch and snacks. Yes, I am still trying to adhere to this new 'habit' of eating a snack between my meals. One snack for today is carrots and dip and the other snack is grapes. I'm doing pretty good with the whole thing though. The first couple days of the snacks, I would pack my snacks but forget to eat them, but I've got that regulated now...I think. :-) So food for today is ready to roll and I'm in charge! I like the feeling of being in charge. A food addiction leaves one feeling so out of control...and this in charge feeling feels dang good!!!!
I walked into the gym. (not my own gym weirdly enough) There were people everywhere. I looked around for an empty machine to hop upon. I had originally planned to hop on an elliptical, but it really didn't matter what I used. I would be just as content on the treadmill or a bike, I could adjust. I weaved through the people toward an empty elliptical (which turned out to be a stair climber instead). I hopped on and started to workout. I listened to the chatter around me. They were holding a fat-to-fit boot camp (Is there even such a thing?) and lucky me, I was working out right in the midst of the first workout. I tried to focus on myself but I couldn't help but see the overweight gal standing next to me. (I won't bore you with the details of what she was wearing, the color of her hair) She was on a treadmill and she was cranking away. Her face was beat red. She was pushing herself to the utter max. I started to worry about her. Seriously, she looked like she was going to have a heart attack at any minute. I glanced at the fit to fat instructor that was supposed to be watching the group and he was preoccupied. I looked back at this woman and she wasn't there anymore. She was kneeling and bent over on the floor at the end of the treadmill crying and sobbing. When I hopped off and went to her, she sobbed out her frustration. She was frustrated with exercise already after only a minute or two. "I can't even make it a minute, there is no way" I talked to her for a few minutes (the instructor never showed up through that) and figured out that she was frustrated because she wanted to do it and do it 'right' and she couldn't. She told me that she wanted to do what everyone else was doing so that she didn't stick out like a sore thumb. She wanted to follow the fit-to-fat instructions. After talking to her and listening and remembering what I saw while she was on the treadmill I knew that she indeed COULD exercise, that it was just a simple problem of she wanted to be fit right at that moment. She looked at me and said "you are doing it". I laughed and said, I'm a big girl, still but I've worked my butt off to get to the level of physical fitness that I am at and I still have a long way to go. I instructed her to get on the treadmill She was hesitant but did it. And then I started the treadmill so that she was walking at a snails pace. She did it and she immediately pushed the buttons until the treadmill was flying by at warp speed, in the dream it was set at speed 43 (ha ha ha,, as if a treadmill cold go that fast). Yes, she flew backwards (ok ok ok , that didn't happen but I wish it would have..that would have added some comic relief to my dream). I pushed her back to a slower pace. She kept looking around and wanting to go faster (back to that speed of 43) I had to work to keep her going at a slow pace. She had to see that she could do it. We slowly added more speed until she was at a comfortable pace. I was in the middle of reminding her that we all have to start somewhere and we can't push ourselves too fast. At this point the very hot looking instructor arrived and without butting in just started to listen in. The dream did go on..but well, that involves the instructor and I and some private....... (Dang, once again that didn't happen......DRAT! Or did it????? ha ha ha)
I woke up from my dream and I remembered how far I've come. Not just in my running, but in my whole physical fitness. I've had some major ups and downs in my physical fitness in the last few years. But I have come SOOOO far. I have been the girl on the treadmill trying to do what they say is the 'thing' to do, the 'speed' to go, the 'incline' to achieve. Years back I had to come to the realization that exercise is immensely personal. My abilities lie within myself, not within what someone else tells me I SHOULD be doing. It is not contingent upon what the person on the next treadmill is doing. It is contingent upon what my body says it can do (notice I didn't say what my brain says I can do...that's a totally different story). Sometimes we have to swallow our pride and start small. Slow as a snail on the treadmill was a victory for the gal in the dream. Slow as a slug running (but improving each time I run) is a victory for ME!
So any other deep thoughts about my dream? Should I take anything else from this dream???? Analyze me!
Today is my day of rest. Goodness, I love the day of rest....ok, my BODY loves my day of rest. But my mind is just itching to get out there and do something! What a quandary! (and heck, where did the old MaryFran go!) My eating is planned for today. I made a nice breakfast for Todd and I and I have packed my lunch and snacks. Yes, I am still trying to adhere to this new 'habit' of eating a snack between my meals. One snack for today is carrots and dip and the other snack is grapes. I'm doing pretty good with the whole thing though. The first couple days of the snacks, I would pack my snacks but forget to eat them, but I've got that regulated now...I think. :-) So food for today is ready to roll and I'm in charge! I like the feeling of being in charge. A food addiction leaves one feeling so out of control...and this in charge feeling feels dang good!!!!
Thursday, April 25, 2013
A little bit of this and that
It hit me last night during zumba. I was all calm, cool and collected when I casually said that I had to cut a mile off my normal run. Uhhhh three months go I couldn't run more than 90 seconds without feeling as if my lungs were exploding and now I'm talking about dropping a mile due to time and still haven't completed 2.5 miles even without that mile. The progress that I've made just totally hit me lst night!
Yesterday was a good day. I got run in in the morning. (and I liked what I saw on the gps/tracker thingy). I worked a few hours and in the afternoon Todd and I went for a walk/hike in the afternoon on one of our favorite trailes on the battlefield. We hiked/walked about 3-4 miles.
Yesterday was a good day. I got run in in the morning. (and I liked what I saw on the gps/tracker thingy). I worked a few hours and in the afternoon Todd and I went for a walk/hike in the afternoon on one of our favorite trailes on the battlefield. We hiked/walked about 3-4 miles.
I did a bit of laundry and some stuff around the house (prepped for dinner, prepped some food for future meals for the next couple days, etc etc etc) and then headed to Zumba. After zumba I was greeted with a gorgeous sight! You can faintly see the double rainbow in spots.....
I dont' have much else to say. My eating is spot on. I'm happy with where I'm at and what I'm doing. I've got the food addiction currently buckled down tight and that is good. I am not expecting great things on the scale. For one reason, I've had two incredible weeks on the scales. Secondly, the monthly scourge should arrive that can herald a lower than average week in my weight loss efforts. I'm not expecting great things....but I'm fighting to achieve them. Just becuase I'm not expecting them, it doesn't mean that I am not doing the work to GET them! In other news, I'm fighting some depression and sadness in everyday life, but I'm pushing onward.
Wednesday, April 24, 2013
Addiction
Another day has dawned. I actually saw the dawn too. Last night I pondered my plans for the day. I knew that up on deck for my day was the hour of social fun, also known as zumba at 6:45PM. I also knew that should the weather and my husband both be amendable that we would hike or bike in the afternoon after I got off work (at noon today). I have learned to not count on that as a plan because the weather has been fickle and well, my husband is also fickle when it comes to those things too. I just take our walks and hikes as fun activity and not so much as exercise (although it is that). I WANTED to run. This running thing is quickly becoming a thing that I want to do and when I do not do it, it really bothers me. I decided that while my alarm was set for 6:30 that if my body woke up naturally early enough (5:30) that I would go for an early morning run. (This is not too abnormal, because I typically wake up between 5:30 and 6). Like clockwork this morning I woke up at 5:30. I wanted to go running so bad…but my body was sooooo comfortable in bed. And then I saw a post on face book. The picture is posted at the end of this post (I haven’t figured out how to place pictures interspersed into the post while posting from my phone). I was up and out the door within minutes. It was gorgeous….deer were feasting in the fields as I ran in the dusky dawn light. I didn’t push myself too incredibly hard. I hoped and thought that maybe I was going faster but it felt pretty comfortable so I thought that I was simply running at my average pace. I was ok with that. I was also ok with the fact that I knocked a mile off my normal run. I had to get back to my house to shower, for some reason my co-workers want me to shower before I come to work. I finished and looked at my app that tracks my mileage and pace. What????? My average pace was 12:49 What??? Are you serious????? At the beginning of April my average pace was running about 14:50 . Granted, my heart rate was about 10 beats faster per minute but that will drop as it becomes more comfortable for me! Progress! (Now I just need to get that pace to be my consistent pace…and of course get faster!) I am going to beat this running thing yet!
I was thinking about running last night while I planned and plotted and this morning whilst running. What is the attraction to running? It started as a personal mission to actually complete something I had tried to do time and time again. I was determined to smash that C25K program in the keister! I did it! Then I started on this mission to run WELL and FAST! I’m currently on that mission. Is that this attraction? Or is it something deeper, dare I say an addiction? Just conquering something or is this attraction something deeper. I’m just very curious. Regardless, I’m going to ride the wave and see where this running thing takes me. (Would I be sick if I admitted that when I stripped my clothes this morning after I ran that I was immensely proud that my tee shirt was drenched with sweat? That’s kinda gross isn’t it???)
Life has been crazy. I’ve had some depression and sadness. (That’s the understatement of the year.) The exercise for me is the way to shut out the sadness and the dark. It’s almost as if when I’m sweating my guts out that I’m shedding some of the sadness, if only for a few minutes. Is this transference of an addiction? I’ll admit it…..it probably is. Instead of eating away my sorrows, I’m going outside and sweating my guts out! Is it healthy? Emotionally, probably not. I don’t know that any addiction is good. Is this addiction hurting me like my addiction to food? No. I’m not doing the exercise thing stupidly. I don’t like pain. So the other morning when I was really achy, I didn’t run. This morning my legs felt fine when I went to the bathroom, so I knew I was ok. So maybe since I’m operating under the guidance of how my body feels I don’t have an addiction. Ha ha ha Regardless…..I’m riding the wave! All I know is that exercise clears my mind. It makes me feel alive and it makes me happy! That's what matters!!!
My eating of late has been doing REALLY well. I don't want to say it too loudly because it can change at the blink of an eye, but the food addiction has been safely packed away of late. I don’t eat crazy since I’m exercising. I eat healthy! My calorie counts have been right where they need to be. I’ve been monitoring and limiting my intake of carbs (this is sad…so sad….but necessary) I’ve been eating lots of healthy foods. My diet has been heavy on the fruit and veggie intake. Pounds are lost in the kitchen and my weight loss (6 pounds in the last two weeks) reflects this! I’m eating healthy. I’m living life fully. I am eating out with my family when the opportunity arises, no matter where they go…..I just make the best choices possible and work to accommodate those choices within my caloric budget. I’m happy with where I’m at. It’s a good place. This is life and I’m making it work!
I try to take the focus off the numbers. But it’s so difficult to not think about how the numbers are dropping, where I’m heading and when I may possibly may get there. Regardless of how fast I want to lose the weight…my body will get there in it’s own time. Patience MaryFran…..Patience!
I was thinking about running last night while I planned and plotted and this morning whilst running. What is the attraction to running? It started as a personal mission to actually complete something I had tried to do time and time again. I was determined to smash that C25K program in the keister! I did it! Then I started on this mission to run WELL and FAST! I’m currently on that mission. Is that this attraction? Or is it something deeper, dare I say an addiction? Just conquering something or is this attraction something deeper. I’m just very curious. Regardless, I’m going to ride the wave and see where this running thing takes me. (Would I be sick if I admitted that when I stripped my clothes this morning after I ran that I was immensely proud that my tee shirt was drenched with sweat? That’s kinda gross isn’t it???)
Life has been crazy. I’ve had some depression and sadness. (That’s the understatement of the year.) The exercise for me is the way to shut out the sadness and the dark. It’s almost as if when I’m sweating my guts out that I’m shedding some of the sadness, if only for a few minutes. Is this transference of an addiction? I’ll admit it…..it probably is. Instead of eating away my sorrows, I’m going outside and sweating my guts out! Is it healthy? Emotionally, probably not. I don’t know that any addiction is good. Is this addiction hurting me like my addiction to food? No. I’m not doing the exercise thing stupidly. I don’t like pain. So the other morning when I was really achy, I didn’t run. This morning my legs felt fine when I went to the bathroom, so I knew I was ok. So maybe since I’m operating under the guidance of how my body feels I don’t have an addiction. Ha ha ha Regardless…..I’m riding the wave! All I know is that exercise clears my mind. It makes me feel alive and it makes me happy! That's what matters!!!
My eating of late has been doing REALLY well. I don't want to say it too loudly because it can change at the blink of an eye, but the food addiction has been safely packed away of late. I don’t eat crazy since I’m exercising. I eat healthy! My calorie counts have been right where they need to be. I’ve been monitoring and limiting my intake of carbs (this is sad…so sad….but necessary) I’ve been eating lots of healthy foods. My diet has been heavy on the fruit and veggie intake. Pounds are lost in the kitchen and my weight loss (6 pounds in the last two weeks) reflects this! I’m eating healthy. I’m living life fully. I am eating out with my family when the opportunity arises, no matter where they go…..I just make the best choices possible and work to accommodate those choices within my caloric budget. I’m happy with where I’m at. It’s a good place. This is life and I’m making it work!
I try to take the focus off the numbers. But it’s so difficult to not think about how the numbers are dropping, where I’m heading and when I may possibly may get there. Regardless of how fast I want to lose the weight…my body will get there in it’s own time. Patience MaryFran…..Patience!
Tuesday, April 23, 2013
Selling myself Short
I'm a bit frustrated today.
I dont' know what's up with the personal trainer. Originally we talked about exercising tonight. I asked, but I haven't heard back a time. I'm not worried about the weight. Hello, I lost 3.1 pounds this past week dn 2.9 pounds the week before....on my own! I can and will continue this journey one way or another. No worries about that. My frustration is stemming from the fact that I usually have a rough schedule in my head of when I'm working out and what I"m doing. I try to plan my runs so that I'm not doing two incredibly difficult workouts on the same day. Intervals kick my butt, so I typically have not been doing them on zumba days. I save them for a day when my only formal exercise is running. But, it's hard to plan when I don't know. So normally I would have run this morning but should I not run because I don't know what's happening tonight. When I pack my gym bag before work, should I take zumba shoes or regular tennis shoes? Will I be inside at zumba or outside with a personal trainer? That affects what I wear. Planning is huge! It's just frustrating to not be able to plan well.
I opted to not run. My legs were heavy. My gym bag is packed tonight.. capri workout pants and a teeshirt with a sweatshirt thrown in for good mesure and I have both sets of shoes in my gym bag (however, since it's 8:30 and I haven't heard anything I am pretty sure that it will be a zumba night).
However more frustration mounted. I planned on riding the exercise bike this morning. I got myself all set up (laptop on a bar stool beside me to keep me company, music on the stereo) and I hopped on. I spun the bike bout 10 rotations and heard a horrible grinding noise and the resistance raised to sky high. I lowered the resistance as low as possible and the noise persisted and even on resistence of 0 it is hard to spin. Uhhhh not good......my exercise bike is broke! More frustration!!!
I've been starting to ponder something. Something very serious. Am I selling myself short? When I was going to weight watchers I got my weight to the 180's and then stalled. I beat my head against the wall and stalled. Every once in a while I would dip down into the 170's but it didn't last and when I did get down there people would literally panic about my weight. I eventually went to my doctor and talked to him about my weight. In fairness I will say that when I went I wore a spanx type article of clothing and I sucked it in the whole time. I told him my concerns about reaching the recommended weight to become lifetime member (the high end for me is 164 pounds). He looked at me and his exact words were "honey, You look great and furthermore I think you would have to be working out like a professional athlete to be 160 or less at your age and body type" I was happy with that. He signed a note and I took it to the weight watchers meeting and my official goal weight (doctor recommended) is 180...and yes, I made lifetime at that goal weight. So this 180 mark is big in my mind. Personally though, I know that my belly was stil pudgy and fat at 180 pounds. But yet I put this 180 pounds as the end all be all weight that I want to be at. It's where I say I would be 'happy' at. But I honestly think I'm selling myself short. I think that I need to say "I want to lose it ALL!" I think I've been selling myself short!!!
I dont' know what's up with the personal trainer. Originally we talked about exercising tonight. I asked, but I haven't heard back a time. I'm not worried about the weight. Hello, I lost 3.1 pounds this past week dn 2.9 pounds the week before....on my own! I can and will continue this journey one way or another. No worries about that. My frustration is stemming from the fact that I usually have a rough schedule in my head of when I'm working out and what I"m doing. I try to plan my runs so that I'm not doing two incredibly difficult workouts on the same day. Intervals kick my butt, so I typically have not been doing them on zumba days. I save them for a day when my only formal exercise is running. But, it's hard to plan when I don't know. So normally I would have run this morning but should I not run because I don't know what's happening tonight. When I pack my gym bag before work, should I take zumba shoes or regular tennis shoes? Will I be inside at zumba or outside with a personal trainer? That affects what I wear. Planning is huge! It's just frustrating to not be able to plan well.
I opted to not run. My legs were heavy. My gym bag is packed tonight.. capri workout pants and a teeshirt with a sweatshirt thrown in for good mesure and I have both sets of shoes in my gym bag (however, since it's 8:30 and I haven't heard anything I am pretty sure that it will be a zumba night).
However more frustration mounted. I planned on riding the exercise bike this morning. I got myself all set up (laptop on a bar stool beside me to keep me company, music on the stereo) and I hopped on. I spun the bike bout 10 rotations and heard a horrible grinding noise and the resistance raised to sky high. I lowered the resistance as low as possible and the noise persisted and even on resistence of 0 it is hard to spin. Uhhhh not good......my exercise bike is broke! More frustration!!!
I've been starting to ponder something. Something very serious. Am I selling myself short? When I was going to weight watchers I got my weight to the 180's and then stalled. I beat my head against the wall and stalled. Every once in a while I would dip down into the 170's but it didn't last and when I did get down there people would literally panic about my weight. I eventually went to my doctor and talked to him about my weight. In fairness I will say that when I went I wore a spanx type article of clothing and I sucked it in the whole time. I told him my concerns about reaching the recommended weight to become lifetime member (the high end for me is 164 pounds). He looked at me and his exact words were "honey, You look great and furthermore I think you would have to be working out like a professional athlete to be 160 or less at your age and body type" I was happy with that. He signed a note and I took it to the weight watchers meeting and my official goal weight (doctor recommended) is 180...and yes, I made lifetime at that goal weight. So this 180 mark is big in my mind. Personally though, I know that my belly was stil pudgy and fat at 180 pounds. But yet I put this 180 pounds as the end all be all weight that I want to be at. It's where I say I would be 'happy' at. But I honestly think I'm selling myself short. I think that I need to say "I want to lose it ALL!" I think I've been selling myself short!!!
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