The urge to quit

The last week or two has been extremely difficult in terms of my exercise.  I have gone out to complete my runs. I've really attempted them.  However, they are just less than stellar. I'm frustrated at my progress.  I'm not happy with it.  I read one blog where the person said "I just worked to run faster each time I went out"   That's easier said than done.  I am running at 80-85% of my HR ....I can't push it harder or my pea pickin' heart will spontaneously com bust. (ha).   I have/had a goal set for my next 5K....a time goal.  This race is  looming very close and I am consistently running my 5k 2-3 minutes slower than I need to be.  I'm only hoping that the adrenaline and whatnot pushes me to a PR. 

Saturday for the first time in a while I actually felt like quitting.  (in fairness, these thoughts came after a treadmill run..and I hate treadmill runs)   It felt hopeless.  I am disgusted at the slow progress and honestly the fact that the last week I've struggled to actually RUN my miles and I have to constantly fight the temptation to stop.  I sound like Jillian Michael's in my head....I run and drop to a walk.  Immediately, I hear her voice in my head yelling at me to RUN....and I run. (she scares me!)   The urge to quit is heavy in my mind.  VERY heavy in my mind.    I don't want to quit.  I vowed to commit through the beginning of August.......but it would be SOO easy to quit.  I'm not going to.  I'm going to see this through.  I'm just praying for some visible and concrete progress.  

I got my bike.   The adjustment from my Trek Nav to my new bike has been not so much difficult but painful. (I only ride my trek on the canal...FLAT and no elevation....so transitioning to hills isn't helping the adjustment)   It's  big adjustment.  I was talking to someone the other day ...a bank customer that saw me out on my new bike and when I mentioned the transition, he said "some people never adjust".  First I wanted to slap him silly for his negativity.  But then I started to think deep about it.....most people don't really commit TO adjusting.  It gets tough and they give up.  I'm determined to adjust  the pain will disspate!

I'm not a quitter anymore!  I will (as long as legs hold out...or more specifically the arthritic knees hold out) continue through at least the August mark.   Quiting may have been a fleeting thought (ok, it's a recurring theme in my mind), but it's NOT AN OPTION!

Why quit?

I'm a quitter.  Yes, that's me, or rather it was the old me.  It has taken me years 40 to be exact to 'get it'.  It has taken me 40 years to realize that you don't quit when  it gets tough.  You don't quit when you get bored.  You don't quit when you don't like it.  You push through and FINISH.   It started with me working to finish some of my unfinished cross stitch projects.  (I've made headway...out of the ten unfinished projects that I had last fall, I now only have 3...and that will go down to 2 in the next day or so!).  It carried through to the C25K program.  I was DETERMINED to finish it and I did!  I'm tired of being a quitter.  I am going to be the finisher from now on!

My favorite quote from The Biggest loser was a few years ago when one of the contestants realized that they were not going to win a difficult challenge so they just walked off and didn't finish it.  When the reckoning with the trainers came about the results of the challenge Bob looked at the contestant and said "What's the use of starting if you are just going to quit?"   How true!!!  

So the previous two weeks of my weigh ins I posted WONDERFUL numbers    I lost 2.9  pounds one week and the following week I lost 3.1 pounds.  Yes, 6 pounds in two weeks!   I worked my tail end off this week and my eating was spot on.  This week I posted a 1 pound loss.  I'm OK with that.  7 pounds in 3 week is AWESOME! 

The other day I officially registered for Pedal to Preserve in Lancaster, County on June 1!   The first time I did this ride I weighed about 210 pounds (give or take).  I'm 225.6.  I don't think I can get back to that 210 in time for the ride this year (how cool would that be) , but I am to be as close as I possibly can be!!  (OK, I'll be happy with being in in my 'teens' so anywhere 219 or below! 

I am realizing that my blog is being overrun with running information. ....and so utterly repetitive! Oh well....it's my blog so read on.......!!

Saturday was gorgeous!  Absolutely gorgeous.  My husband was judging a battle of the bands at a local campground park.  We had passes in and and heard that they had some great hiking trails, so the plan was to go hiking after the end of the battle of the bands.  However, that didn't materialize (Todd hadn't eaten lunch and was hungry so we went home).  I didn't let that stop me from being active.  He went out to mow and I went to the C&;O Canal and ran.  I started the run and almost immediately I felt heavy and just well slow.  I wasn't quitting.  The run quickly became a thing of 'I just want to finish the miles I had planned"  It was not a thing of trying to better my time it was simple a thing of finishing.   I ran (ok ok ok, I jogged) onward!  I started noticing that my heart rate was running higher than normal.  Odd.  Very odd. Could it have been that I don't normally run in the afternoon, so maybe my HR is higher in the afternoon?  I thought about it for a while, but then just said  oh well, I wasn't in any danger, and I wasn't struggling to breathe so I just carried on.  Eventually I checked my mileage and that's when I realized why my heart rate was higher.  I was pushing it at my fastest and while I thought I was going slow, I was actually running at a fast clip (for me).  I finished my run with 3.5 miles on the clock and my best average pace ever (I did walk a cumulative of about 30-60 seconds).   What shocked me was my fastest pace.  I just keep track of it, but I don't hold it as any set in stone thing, just basically as the fact that I for a few short seconds at least, got my body moving that fast.  I was previously tickled because I had showed a 10:00 fastest pace.  I finished yesterday with a fastest pace of 8.27.  What?   My body actually went that fast (even if only for a few seconds).  ha ha ha     So what felt slow actually was a pretty good run!!!


Sunday morning I woke up at 5:30 and I was out on the battlefield early.  I wanted to get my run in before my weekly Sunday morning walk with Sherry!  I don't know many stats about the run as my GPS malfunctioned (I have no clue what happened).  I did actually realize this fact about a half mile into my run but said 'screw it' and decided to just run to run.  I knew the route I was using would be just a hair over 3 miles so that was all I needed.  :-)   I finished it in an average time frame and my heart rate actually ran lower than normal.  Go figure.  Oh well.  (and I knew I wasn't pushing it as hard as I could during my run because of my heart rate reports). 

Running on the battlefield at sunrise makes me want to get out with my camera!!!!!!!   So home now....relaxing......I'm going to have lunch and then mosey up to hang with my family for the day.  Not sure what I'll get into whilst there!