Family means love

Family means love, originally uploaded by mfcstotler.

We exchanged Christmas gifts with my brothers family early this year as we will not be seeing them during the Christmas season. It really sucks to live so far away from those you love.

I feel like I ate too much yesterday. No use crying over spilled milk....just move on today and do my best. I'm not going to stress out over it. It's thanksgiving. I've set out on a course to chage my life...NOT live like one in a cloister. Yes, my weight is up and no I don't want to go up any further (actually internally FREAKING out about possibly going over the 200 mark) but mental happiness is also important. My plan is to eat sensibly today (honestly I really didn't eat too bad...I just felt stuffed from what I ate...and I didn't do all my fruits and veggies that I normally do). Do my best....enjoy my family and the social time that Thanksgiving provides and not worry about it. If I'm so stressed about eating, then I will not enjoy my brothers family nor the time with my parents then while it is worth it......it's not. Does that make sense? There is a balance.

rose-collage, originally uploaded by mfcstotler.

My weight is up a bit this morning, but I"m not going to worry about it....I ate perfect yesterday, so there is no reason.

I've been super productive this morning. By 8AM, I had already cleaned the house really well. And by 9:15 I had exercised for an hour and I was already out of the shower. Now, I'm just sitting around being a sluggard until it's time to go to work. I only have to get dressed (finish drying my hair if it's not dry by then) and eat lunch. Ohhh yeah, I have to do the dishes yet...but I'll do that after I eat lunch. :-)

I've been really struggling with my new lifestyle. I won't lie. I wish I could go back and live the existance of not worrying about what I'm eating. Just living life to the fullest (eating wise). Oh yeah, I know that the results of the newer me is soo much more important and actually adds so much more to my life, but I sometimes can't help buy mourn the loss of my old friend...food.

That said......I needed what is coming next....

Oh wow......I just did this test to find out my expected life age. I did it plugging in my current "new" lifestyle. There were definitely things that I can do to help my life expectancy but my life expectancy with my current lifestyle (eating healthy foods for snacks, no red meat, my current exercise levels...all of it) is 95 years old. SOOOOO just for shits and giggles I decided to go back to the start and answer the questions in the manner that I would have answered just a few short years ago.....answers that parallel what I've been crying about and wishing that I could go back to. Are you ready for my life expectancy with THOSE answers????? 74 years old. That is a difference of 21 years!!! TWENTY ONE CRAZY years????

THAT is food for thought!

I helped mom with a catering job on Saturday night...and ate WAY too many of the leftovers! I didn't weigh in yesterday...but kept it somewhat under control yesterday...not was well as I should have though...I KNOW I went over my points. SOOOO imagine my surprise when I stepped onto the scales this morning (I almost didn't) and found my weight down to 193.4 Today and tomorrow shouldn't be tooo difficult for me as I'll be home..normal routine all that. Wednesday we are celebrating Christmas with my brother and family...so I'll be up there all day...and then we are taking Todd's uncle out for dinner...so eating out. And then obviously Thursday...turkey day. Friday will once again be no problem as I work open to close (LONG day) and I usually do really well with eating when I'm at work. Saturday and Sunday I'll be back up there. So I've managed two days up there and I have a total of 4 more days of temptation. And yes, mom's house is totally tempting. She is from the school that you feed people...and that's how you show love. She doesn't mean to...but that's just how our family (my grandmother) was also.

You know, sometimes you wonder why in the world God is doing stuff. WHy he is putting so much on your plate. Yeah yeah yeah,I know that God doesn't give us anything we can't handle...but the stress!

Yesterday I was drying a load of clothes while I ate lunch. I stopped the dryer when I left, simply because we don't like to leave stuff on while we are not at home (my husband has a fit about a crockpot!). The clothes were only half dry. I was walking through the house after I turned it off and noticed that it smelled really hot. Kinda worried me for some reason, but I sniffed and figured it was just the hot dryer smell. It was enough of a worry that I actually went back inside and checked one last time. But it was all good. SOOOOOOO.....fast forward to me once again being home and suddenly remembering that I have half dried clothes in the dryer. I swung into the laundry room and went to start the dryer. ohhhhhhh noooooo......stupid sucker wouldn't turn on. No, I am not joking!! The brand new heatpump and heating system on Wednesday..the dryer now! I checked the breaker and fiddled with that sucker...nothing. Deader than a doornail. It is almost as if it is not getting power. Now let me back and reminisce about my dryers. I bought a washer and dryer in 2000. August to be exact. I had the extended warranty....5 years that time. Used the dryer....and in SEPTEMBER of 2005 the stupid thing broke, ONE MONTH AFTER THE WARRANTY EXPRIED! (it had to be a conspiracy...I think Kenmore/Sears must have had a bomb in it to blow up right after the warranty expired) It was more costly to get it repaired, so we junked it and bought a new one. We went maytag this time....good brand. I did get the extended warranty. In April of 2007 the moter was replaced in the dryer. NOOOOO I'm just washing and drying normal loads of clothes. Heck, there is only two of us! Anyway....back to this current breakdown....I panicked. It is November of 2008. If we bought a 3 year warranty we are totally out of luck (like we ever had it in this case anyway) because it's 2 months past the 3 year mark. I did look and I can breathe a bit of a relief.....it is a 4 year warranty. Todd just ran to the studio to get stuff from the electronics workshop. He wants to double check the power supply to the washer and the connections and stuff that we are responsible for. BUT at least if it's fried, we are covered. At that point, it's just a waiting game to try to get someone here (on thanksgiving week...RIGHT) and work around our work schedules (HA)....and in the meantime, have clothes hanging all around the house drying!

Missed my weigh in this morning.....I was a little pre-occupied.

Last night I ate horribly. I worked on a catering job, helping serve and keep platters full. Yeah, I ate there also....party food is NOT health concious food.

On the good note...my brother and his family arrived safely yesterday!!!

My weight....sitting right around the same. It seems as if i'm hovering between 192 and 196. I know that some of that is me...I'm so focused some days..but then others I struggle. I haven't been to a meeting this week. I was plannign on going this morning and then last night I wasn't thnking and we had popcorn and I drank it with a diet soda. I've figured out that when I drink a diet soda in the evening, that my weight is up...I guess the sodium...which doesn't seem that high, but you know. And couple that with popcorn...I knew immediately that weighing in would probably not be the greatest of ideas this morning. And sure enough, I was up 1.5 pounds. SO I skipped it...bad bad bad...I know! I don't know if I'll be able to get there next week....with the holiday and my brother in town...but I've GOT to start going religiously to a meeting each week. No ifs ands or buts. I need it for accountability and motivation!

I weighed myself this morning. I was quite nervous. yesterday I made pancakes and turkey sausage in the morning. Chili and cornbread for lunch. Chicken and rice casserole for dinner. I had a banana with peanut butter for a snack AND a jello pudding cup. Yikes! But this morning I was at 194.8. So it could have been worse.....overall that's pretty much the same as I was last week. I need it to go DOWN DOWN DOWN!

I did exercise this morning. 30 minutes on the exercise bike!

Well.....for all that talk I didn't weigh myself today. Not because I didnt want to...but life kinda got in the way. This morning we awoke at about 5....I don't know what woke me up..but I decided to go to the bathroom. BRRRR it was cold. Todd got up at the same time (same reason I guess) and he commented on how cold it felt. He went out to the thermostat...."Uhhhh MF it says it's 50 degrees in here" It showed that it was 23 outside...and the heat pump/fan was not running AT ALL. The thermostat showed the aux heat on...but it was blowing COLD air....obviously at 50 degrees inside. Todd went out and checked the breaker on the heat pump...all was well. We flipped the indoor breaker to shut down the heating system totally...hoping to reset it. We waited, we turned it back on....Todd noticed that we had the option for 'emergency heat'....well this sounded like an emergency...so he chose that option. It ran and it was blessed warm air for about 5 seconds...and then silence......we waited for the heat pump to re-set itself again. I don't know what happened but when it kicked back on this time, the aux heat came back on and it seemed warm. The aux heat worked for us and brought us up to 'livable' temps within the next hour...but by that time, I had already forgotten about weighing in........oh yeah, I'd already also made pancakes (with pecans for Todd) and fried up a little bit of turkey sausage..

We are trying to stay closer to home because we dont' know what's up with the heating system....the guy will be here late this afternoon/early evening.

I'll take it

I had such good plans yesterday and then I went out for dinner with mom and dad. I didn't order too badly. I ordered pretty much my normal. I got a salad, a baked sweet potato and then I got a side of baked beans. My problem...the rolls....with the cinnamon butter. YUMMY! I indulged...oh yeah, I indulged in some peanuts also!

So this morning I was contemplating not weighing myself...because I assumed that my weight would be up (even if just from the salted peanuts...not to mention the bread and butter) But, I had just the other day written about how I do better if I weigh myself every day, so I did it. I stepped onto the scales (remember yesterday was 185.8) Today was 184.0! I don't know...but I'm not asking questions! I know that I will have to really watch today because I know from past experiences that I can fight through ONE day of poor choices, but not two or three!

Nope...didn't exercise this morning......just couldn't get to it. I did however get most of the laundry completed! (one more load to fold when I get home). I also put together the casserole for dinner tonight...it's in the fridge and there is a note for Todd to tell him what time it goes into the oven this afternoon. So at least it wasn't an unproductive morning...even if it wasn't what I really should have been doing!

bear nativity

bear nativity, originally uploaded by mfcstotler.

Just had to take a picture of the most adorable nativiy scene that I found and purchased. Bears!!! :-)

Mom and dad took me out to eat tonight...can't say as I did all that great foodwise. I could have done better, but it still wasn't as bad as it could have been.....ohh well, I could have done without the extra roll!!

eii yiii yiii.....I KNOW that when I dont' weigh in, I tend to 'slip'!!! This morning i was back at 195.8! ARRGGGHHHHHHHH

I'm not sure where my weight is. I didn't weigh yesterday morning...nor did I weigh this morning. Yesterday morning was by choice, this morning I plain and simple forgot until my breakfast was halfway down the hatch. This is bad. I nee to be weighing myself daily....for me it keeps me on track. I'm motivated when I see loss...and conversely, Im motivated when I don't see loss. Honestly, it's the days that I don't weigh (and lets face it.....I'm not as religious about weighing for the most part when I've been not the greatest with my eating and exercise) I tend to lose control more quickly!

Yesterday....didn't exercise. I woke up bright and early to exercise before going to work and I just couldn' do it. I reset the alarm and slept for that extra hour. And getting to it later in the day...well I didn't even sit down until somewhere near 7 or 8 pm..I was on the go all day. Oh well, you can't win them all. This is life and life will do that to sometimes!

Dropped a bit more on the scales this morning to 192.8. WHEW! I'm actually somewhat shocked with that as I woke up thirsty (not a good sign) and well..there are other factors that would make my weight a bit higher....ones that we will not go into detail here! :-) So I'm pretty happy!

At 6AM I was hot on the trail...well the exercise bike trail. Woo hoooo!!! I only did about 30 minutes...but that is 30 minutes that I did. I know that I can make grand plans to ride or exercise in the evenings, but it just doesn't seem to happen. Life and it's obligations just seem to get in the way. Oh well. :-)

Meeting results

Well, I wrote yesterdays post really early in the morning. I'm happy and proud to say that I did force myself to go to an early morning weight watchers meeting shortly after I posted yesterday. Officially, I was up 1.4 pounds.....to 194.4 pounds. (my home weight was 194.8) BUT that's not taking into effect that I had gained and gone even higher but had pulled myself back down a bit. Oh well....I'm determined that the numbers will continue downward...officially also! :-)

After my meeting, I hightailed it to the gym. I had a great workout. It flew by...thanks to my friend Sherry who I ran into at the gym. We got to talking while we exercised and the time just FLEW by! :-) I helped mom and dad move furniture and Todd and I worked outside clearing more land. (will that job EVER end???). So I was pretty active yesterday. I ate a little over my pointage but I felt pretty good about my day overall.

SOOOO this mornign I weighed myself. 194.2 That is a loss of .6 from yesterday morning. WOO HOOOO! I rode the exercise bike this morning for 55 minutes so I'm doing good thus far. I've eaten right and I'll be ok tonight I feel. :-)

Days off

Yes, I had yesterday off from work as the bank was closed due to Veterens day. What did i do with my 'landfall'? I cleaned the house, what else? The house is spic and span. I moved the furniture around so that it is basically ready to decorate for Christmas. I anticipate doing that next Wednesday as the following week is Thanksgiving. Yes, I'll be decorated before Thanksgiving. This year my brother and his family will be travelling to spend Thanksgiving with us (Christmas they will travel in the opposite direction and spend it with my brother's in-laws.....we switch back and forth every year). Soooooo since the Christmas stuff starts so soon, I figure to decorate. Actually I know from experience that if I don't decorate before they come, when they leave I feel like Christmas is partly over...and I won't have it in me to decorate. :-)

Yesterday I woke up and my weight was 195.6. This morning I woke up and I was 193.8. So that is a nice drop. Yeah water weight.....I'm so happy that you are 'departing'!

You know.....when it rains it pours. The dog at the farm/studio passed away today. We are really bummed!

Thank heavens I have off tomorrow. I feel as if today was the same as a full week! Longer!

On a different note. I had a super healthy meal tonight. I made Szechaun Chicken Stir Fry. YUMMY.

Today is a super stressful day for Todd and I. I'm not going to go into details here, but suffice to say that we have a lot riding on this day! I'm sitting here at work and worrying about things that I have no control over....which is pointless I know. But that's easier to say than to follow.

I did not weigh myself this morning. Yesterday, while I did walk quite a bit....I KNOW for a fact that I was really dehydrated. I was dying of thirst at one point. Toward the end of the day, I had picked up a headache. I'm almost 100% positive that it's because of my lack of drinking. What did I drink? In the morning with my oatmeal I had 'maybe' 8 ounces of water. I didn't have anything else until lunch (which we ate at about 1:30 or so)...and that was a diet coke. I drank about 3/4 of the bottle. NOTHING else until we got home at about 8PM. And then I downed 3..count em...THREE cans of Diet Sunkist! Does carbonated beverages count??? I know that the sodium in those drinks will also have an affect on my weight today (I've noticed that they always do)....so we'll hold off.

However, this morning on the drive in to work (ohhh the whole 2 mile drive...yeah yeah yeah...I COULD ride my bike..but it's a winding country road and it will be dark when I get off of work!) I thought about how I need to shake myself out whatever diet lull I'm in (oh wait...I don't call this a diet....but you get the point) and get my butt in gear and get myself back down to my goal weight so i can STOP PAYING FOR WEIGHT WATCHERS! I did it....and thoroughly enjoyed those two or three free months until my weight sky-rocketed!

On to the bad news of the day. Yesterday morning...early in our sojourn in DC, I was walking and my foot flipped out. I'm not sure if my ankle simply turned (it does that) or if I stepped wrong on something uneven to cause my foot to twist...but regardless I hurt my foot. Todd knew it happened and I forced myself to continue walking. This is a common thing that happens to me....my foot twists quite commonly...it usually hurts for a few minutes and then the pain subsides. So I just told him to continue walking and it would be all right. I didn't want to tell him that while it did ease up some.....it continued to bother me all throughout the day. Granted I was on my feet the whole day (this happened within an hour or our arrival in DC). I hoped that it would ease up some after I was off of it. I was wrong. That was my first thought this morning when I woke up and my foot moved....it hurts. FU...........DGE!!!!!!!!!!!! (OK, that was for anyone that is a fan of The Christmas Story...you know..Ralphie...You'll shoot your eye out......one of my husbands all time favorite movies.....one he could and does watch OVER AND OVER again).

So there is where I'm at.

white house

white house, originally uploaded by mfcstotler.

Didn't weigh myself today....nor did I eat all that well....nor did I do any formal exercise. Does it count that I walked ALL day???

Woke up this morning and both Todd and I just knew that we wanted to do 'something' or go 'somewhere' today. We didn't want to stay at home. We began running through options in our head. Manassas Battlefield, Monocacy.....should we do the official tourist thing and stay in Sharpsburg and officially tour the Antietam battlefield (living here you tend to take the historic significance for granted). The list went on...the Baltimore Maritime Museum, the aquairium, The Cass railroad in West virginia, New Market, VA, Lurray caverns? We went round and round. We finally settled on driving toward DC and hopping the metro and spending the day on or near the mall. We hit up a few things (the White house visitors center, THe Holocaust Museum, THe Hirshhorn, and we briefly stopped into the National Art Gallery). All in all it was a good day and good to get away...it helped me forget about my worries that have been keeping me 'down'."

The bad thing.....the cafe where we ate our lunch...I caved and had a dessert...YUMMY!

Lets seee.......

**I didn't weigh myself today. I just plain and simple didn't feel like it!

**Even though I felt not at all charitable this morning toward this 'journey' to lose weight....I did get on the exercise bike and ride for about 30 minutes early this morning (before I even went to work)

**Currently working on taking all of our old pictures (digital) and pulling them into the photoshop elements organizer. The pictures stored on my computer are done....just started the ones stored on Todd's computer. Yikes....how'd we get so many pictures! It's gonna be fun for me though to go through them...look at them all. (also a headache on some...trying to figure out where and who!)

**Still just feeling blah....snap out of it MF!!

The life of a cat

The life of a cat, originally uploaded by mfcstotler.

Not much happening here today. My weight as up this morning. I didn't do to badly today....but then again, not that great with my eating. My positive for the day.....I did 70 minutes of exercise!!!

duldrums

I'm still feeling really blue and well, miserable. I know that some of it can be attributed to the monthly ick, which has arrived on my doorstep. But I will also say that usually I feel down UNTIL it starts and then once it actually arrives I'm ok. Not this month. SOooo I just want to sit here and cry. Not doin' it.......why? because I'm at work.

I should be jumping up and down for joy. This morning I was getting ready for work and I was in the closet looking for something to wear. I just couldn't find anything that interested me. I looked up on the shelf and saw a corduroy skirt that I bought on sale last year, in a size 10 (hey, that's all they had). I tucked it away because I couldn't' wear it. Something possessed me to try it on this morning. I did and guess what I'm wearing to work. Yep, a size 10 skirt. No, I'm not a true size 10...but it's a size ten that I'm wearing right now.

As for my weight 192.0 this morning. Typically, if things are true to history, the ick weight will drop off in about two more days. I'll be anxious for that. If I'm lucky it will drop me back into the 180's! :-)

Worked out at the gym for almost an hour and a half yesterday and I did get on the exercise bike this morning and rode for just shy of an hour....so I'm working on it!

reflection of change

reflection of change, originally uploaded by mfcstotler.

As I've pondered where I am in my weight loss journey, I started to think about how much I've changed. So a reflection of my image was fitting for a picture, even though that wasn't my original intent. Is it even more fitting that it's a reflection in a cooking pan????

My weight was up a bit this morning. It could be any myrid of reasons. It could be the delicious Apple strudel that I made yesterday. It could be the hot dogs that I roasted on the fire last night, salt city. Or it could be the fact that the wonderful (note the sarcasm) ick should be here within the next week or so. Hmmmm.

Apple Strudel......ok, so yesterday morning I decided at the last minute that I wanted to try my hand at apple strudel. So I read a bit about apple strudel online and whipped one up. Let me say, it was super tasty! I actually did have the points for it. (I think...I need to work up the points today).

The Hot dogs. Todd decided yesterday that he wanted to cook a steak and potato over an open fire last night. Now I'm still on my ban of beef products...so a steak was out of the question for me. So I got to thinking..what's the next best thing over an open flame...HOT DOGS! Nooooooooooooooo. I bought turkey dogs....100% fat free. But, even though they are fat free they are still high in sodium. So I fear that may have affected my weight. OOOPS....I forgot, we also roasted a few marshmallows (which I forgot to put into my daily food log.....uhhhh ohhhh). We forwent the chocolate and the graham crackers though! (I did have them...but we decided to just go with marshmallows to save calories/points).

The ick....well.....there need be no explanation for that. That is self-explanatory.

So, we woke up early this morning. We got dressed and headed out. By 8AM, I was done voting and Todd and I were on the canal taking a nice walk. We were out for about an hour and a half. Fall is such a wonderful time of the year!

Monday duldrums

Sherrick Trail, originally uploaded by mfcstotler.

I may be quiet...but I'm still plugging along in this journey. ON saturday and Sunday both, Todd and I went out hiking. The picture above is from the trail that we hiked on Sunday...don't you just love the little log steps that they put in on some of these trails (this one is from the Sherrick trail on the ANtietam Battlefield). On Saturday we walked the C&O Canal. This morning I rode the exercise bike. :-)

Just writing that last paragraph I'm blown away at how blessed I am that I have two national parks within walking distance from my house. And parks that are peffect for hiking, walking, and bike riding!

My weight is down to 191.2 from the 193 that I was at on Thursday morning.

I don't have much to say today. I"m feeling a bit blue.......

Weighed myself this morning. I did so with some fear and trepidation because I have eaten over my points value each and every day. But I'm down to 191.8. So that is 1.2 pounds in the last two days. I'll take it!

Last night I curbed my nighttime eating desire by eating tic tacs. It worked!!! I know I used to eat the WW fruities in the evening when I felt the urge to eat......I forgot about that trick. IT WORKED! WOOO HOOO!

I got up an extra hour early this morning and I hopped on the exercise bike. I knocked out 45 minutes. I was watching the biggest loser (australian season three). They had the contestants doing some type of drills on the treadmill...run and then a walking recovery. Well during the recovery they asked questions. The one question was "name one thing you like about yourself". The first guy rattled off "I'm a funny guy" but then they got to the next girl. She just stood there and you could see the blankness on her face. She really didn't' have a clue as to what to say....and she couldn't think of something. It got me to thinking.....how many overweight people put up this wall of 'fatness' around themselves and they stop (or can't ) see the good in themselves. I think is some ways that I have in the past and honestly even in the present experienced this. I think where I"m at now is that I can see the good stuff but it's sometimes hard to believe the looks part because I still struggle with seeing myself as a thinner person.

WHY?????

Why am I so lacking the will power to carry on this journey of losing weight. I went to my meeting yetserday morning hoping that would pump me up and bolster my will power. I did good when I got home. I did good all day. Dinner rolled around and I did good. I cleaned up the kitchen and then it started. I was totally craving something salty. I had pretzels (luckily only one serving as if you remember I put the pretzels into sandwhich bags after counting out portions), I had baked tortilla chips (looking at it...probably only one serving), I had a weight watchers dessert sundae thingy. I had a WW sweet and salty bar. Ohhh and I had a 1 point piece of candy. WHYYYYYYY?????

This morning I woke up and exercised. I finished up my grocery list for the upcoming trip to the grocery store. AND I wrote my intake of food down for the day. Come hell or high water I'm sticking to it today! I actually have 2 points to spare to account for a snack sometime after dinner. Maybe I'll make popcorn...who knows. I'm hoping that maybe if my food intake is pre-written down that I'll stick to it!!!

Repetition

I really don't have much to say. I did make it to a meeting this morning. I was up 7 pounds. I'm not happy with that figure, but I'm ok with it. Meanwhile, I've eaten pretty good thus far today. :-)


Planned out my menu for next week, grocery list is in the works. I'm gonna make it this week...AND post a loss!!!

Trudging along!

cat mosaic, originally uploaded by mfcstotler.

I am trudging along wiht my eating....still struggling to get it under control. However I made it to the gym again today...so that is three days in a row for exercise! WOO HOOOOO!!!

I am going to hit up a WW meeting tomorrow morning...and face the music!!!!

Monday Madness

Ok, I was going to post some handy dandy picture today..but decided to hold off on that....at least for now....maybe later. :-)



This morning I did the baking that I needed to do. Todd has a meeting that he is going to tomorrow night and volunteered to bring desserts. Uhhh yeah....that means MF bakes. No, I can't even imagine buying something.....not when I love to bake. So I did end up eating a bit of stuff this morning. But all in all, I didn't nibble or taste test too many things! I packaged up everything for Todd and brought the leftovers to work today. :-)



I also got on the exercise bike! WOO HOOO! Rode an hour! Todd mentioned that he'd like to go for a walk tonight. I sure hope so. One because I love the crisp coolness and colors of fall. Secondly because that would give me an hour or so of extra activity. And thirdly, because I haven't taken a picture yet today for my 365 project!

Slowly but surely, I'll get back on track!!!!

half eaten

half eaten, originally uploaded by mfcstotler.

I wish I had the willpower of whatever animal ate half of this corn cob. I start something and I just can't stop myself from continuing. I know if it were me eating that corn cob it would have been picked dry!!!

Ok....enough with the goofiness!

Not much to talk about today. Todd and I headed over to the studio apartment. Let me say, it was really nice when we moved from there to know that we didn't have to move all of our stuff immediately and that it would be used as storage. But, we moved over 7 months ago and I had still not completely finished packing everything. My word there are still pictures on the wall!!! I went over today and worked some on organizing some stuff. I have a HUGE HUGE HUGE pile to go to Goodwill. While I was over there I spent some time organizing my freezer (I left my old freezer over there and taht is where I have the stockpiled stuff.....all the home made/grown stuff that was frozen......I just give todd my 'grocery' list every once in a while...for example I'll say, bring me 2 quarts of applesauce, 1 of corn and a bag of raspberries....or whatever I need) I also cut the last of the flowers off the plants in the flower garden...well the stuff that we are getting ready to pull. I put those flower heads in my drying racks for seed stock for next year. (I had to empty the drying racks first because I already had heads in there). Lets see, I cleaned my house, cut up two watermelon (sugar babies) that we found in the garden...what a nice surprise. And then of course the never ending laundry. (worse today because I brought over two loads of stuff from the other apartment...crazy stuff that got left....) It's just been a really busy day. So i've been on the go all day. With the friendship bread, I've eaten just a few points over my daily allotement. That's what flex points are supposed to be there for!!!

Still no exercise...ok...formal exercise!

Could this be the reason?

How I sleep, originally uploaded by mfcstotler.

Imagine that this picture is my bed. I have long known that my husband is a bed hog....but add in the cats. Could this be the reason that I have a pulled muscle near my shoulder blade? (I can't remember specifically hurting it). I have three cats that like to sleep right up against me....not to mention my husband too. I truly am an acrobat whilst asleep! hmmmm I worry that Desi willl decide to join the fray of cats!

Well, I'm no where closer to stopping the screaming voices in my head. I talked to Todd quite a bit last night about what I am feeling. It made me actually put to words some of what I'm feeling
1. I'm tired of being somewhat obsessed with what I eat.
2. I'm really just honestly bummed out that I had one week of not watching closely to what I was eating ...not even pigging out. And I gained so much weight.
3. Stark realization of exactly how close I'm going to have to watch for the rest of my life if I continue to 'care'.
4. Would it be better to give up and be happy with not having to constantly worry.

Todd actually said the same words that JC said in a comment. He said yeah, you'll be happy for a bit. But when you have diabetes or a heart attack, then you will be more worried about those things. He said, "In essence you have a choice to make you constantly stay on your toes to keep the weight off....or down the line you constantly stay on your toes to keep your body artificially regulated with medications to control cholesteral, diabetes, heart disease, blood pressure, etc.

I know that his comments (and JC's comments) are correct. And I honestly don't want to go back to the 315 pound MaryFran. But I guess I want the 'easy' way out. Maintain my weight at a decent level but not have to work for it. But lets be honest....God didn't give me a body that would do that.

That said, even in the midst of all of this inner turmoil, I've been eating as healthy as possible. When I planned out our meals for next week, they are healthy meals. So at least something has stuck with me!

Oh, Todd had a theory about why I've packed on so much weight (about 10 pounds) in such a short period of time (2 weeks) without eating all that terribly (yeah, not as good as I normally eat, but not 100% off target, for the first week and really not bad at all during the second week). His theory. My body has been stuck in a rut for the last year at this 180 mark. It doesn't want to drop any further...it's fighting it for all it's worth. So during those two weeks, even though I wasn't eating terrible (just not the greatest) my body saw the extras as a way to get itself further away from that 180 mark....and it stored every bit of fat that it could. Interesting theory!

Feelings

wheel, originally uploaded by mfcstotler.

No real reason for the picture, other than that fact that I took it yesterday and I really like it, and I'm grasping at straws to feel more 'up" today.

I'm struggling with that inner voice that says to throw in the towel, eat what you want, and be happy...no matter what you weigh!

Even as that little inner voice says that and I subsequently think, "wow, that would be nice" I then mentally scream..."NO NO NO! I will not give up and thereby fail!" Of course am I failing now anyway?

Not a good day....lots of thoughts bickering with one another in my head!

Not a good morning

What more to say than that I am fighting the urge to emotional eat! This has been a rough morning. Got up at 3 to feed the baby kitten. It was playful and eating and all was right with the world. At 7am when I went to feed it....it was dead. Yesterday was such a good day...a clean bill of health from the vet, found it a home. Just good. This morning a burial. (yes, we have a new grave in our yard. Came inside and lysol'ed down the bathroom that the kitten had resided in. And ran some laundry (old rags and stuff that we had used in kittens cage). I started to fold a big load of laundry that I did last night. A pen must have been in a pair of my husbands khakis.....soooooo I lost three dress shirts/sweaters, a pair of khakis and a skirt! Ohh my husbands clothes that were in the same load....FINE! This was all before breakfast! I finally made some toast. I won't lie to you, I want to go back and have more!

And for Donnalouise...I live in Sharpsburg, MD. That is about 20 miles west of Frederick. We are about 45 -60 minutes from DC and or Baltimore.

Kitten eating

Kitten eating, originally uploaded by mfcstotler.

There you go...a picture of me. Ok, at least a picture of my hands and a bit of my upper torso! But yes, I'm still feeding this kitty. I think I have a home for it. However stupid me (I'm a sucker) offered this person to continue to foster the kitten until it is weened. Since the person taht is taking the cat works 10 hour shifts, they were very grateful as this little baby really needs to be fed a bit more often then that. It is cute, but i'll admit that I'll be happy to hand the reigns over to someone else. She is currently being very quiet (rare rare thing). But ONLY because Todd is laying on the sofa watching tv with this little kitten laying on a towel on his chest. I think he has two of our cats curled up next to him.

It is Todd's birthday today. I resisted the urge to bake him a cake or any goodies. But I do have to say that I ate more than I should have. we went to eat at a place in Frederick, MD called Brewers Alley. They have VERY good food. I didn't partake of any of the beer that is brewed there. (Todd did...and then brought some home!). I honestly did try to order healthy...but it turns out they had a misprint on the menu and it wasn't what I thought it was.....it was more 'fattening'. BUT, it was super tasty! And of course being a food addict (my husband also) when the gave him a free dessert, well...who are we to say no. I will say that we did split that dessert!

I'm getting ready to get off of the computer and actually lay out my menu for next week. No more sitting on the fence!!!

How could anyone 'dump' something so cute!

How could anyone 'dump' something so cute!, originally uploaded by mfcstotler.

Shhhhhhh!!!! The baby is finally asleep!!! Yesterday someone dumped this adorable kitten at our business. It it totally tame and craves human attention, but not totally weened. It is currently residing in our guest bathroom. We need to find this little sucker a home! In the meantime, we'll continue bottle feedings and constantly changing the hot water bottle that we have given it for added warmth, should only need the extra attention for another day or so! Any suggestions for finding a home for this little gal would be much appreciated!

My weight. I"m really embarrassed and ashamed to write about this. I am currently experiences the BIGGEST setback I have had this whole journey. I weighed myself this morning at 194 pounds! YIKES! How did this happen. This past week I neverwent over my points by more than 3-5 points! That'smy flexpoints (which I do know I can't eat too often...but come on 5 pounds???)

I'm not giving up. I am going to restart my exercise regime. I've done fairly well with food thus far today. If I can manage tonight and stay within my 9 alloted points all will be good! :-)

I hope I'm the lucky gal!

I entered the Gracie Gear Giveaway!
Check out Roni’s Weight Loss Blog for more information.

piping hot bread

piping hot bread, originally uploaded by mfcstotler.

My downfall! I had planned on having this for breakfast (naturally since the bread was ready to bake and subsequentially eat at 7:30 this morning). I've got my plan for eating the rest of the day to compensate for a bigger breakfast!

I'm not doing terribly with eating. But I'm not totally on track! I'm sitting on the fence so to speak! Exercise???? What's that????

The party

October18, 2008 (48 of 365), originally uploaded by mfcstotler.

Well, it's over. I worked like a demon yesterday to clean and get ready for a group of people to come over. Yes, it was a bit of last minute preparations....but remember, I just got back fromvacation and since then I'veworked about 25 hours, unpacked everything, did a butt load of laundry, oh yeah...and processedabout 2-3 bushels of apples into applesauce.

I can't say that I came through this eating event as well as I did the pot luck the other day. I didn't eat really bad though. I had a hot dog (yes, I broke my 3 month without beef last night!...and they were all beef dogs), a small scoop of potato salad, one of baked beans and a few chips. I did have a very small piece of chocolate cake (one and a half inch square!) I did drink some hot spiced apple cider! YUMMO!

We are planning on hiking today. Hopefully the weather holds for us!

Ohhhh yes......we had the first frost last night!!!!!

Reflections on this eating stuff

You know. After a week of eating , well not the greatest. I was ready to come home and get back to eating better. Better portions and better choices. Now for the really odd thing. It's almost if my body is going through a detox or something. I'm not going to go into sickening details here...but suffice it to say, that things are 'moving'. Almost as if my body wants to purge that all from my system. How interesting that while my mind wants all that yummy food, my body is actually telling me via how I felt after eating it and by it's current actions that it really doesn't like those foods. Looking at it objectively, why would it. Those foods hold little or no nutritional value. It goes back to the thought of actually looking at food as fuel instead of something that you eat solely for taste!

OK, I can't lie though....if I were near an O'Charley's......I'd be really tempted to go get some of their heavenly cinnamon donut dessert thing!

Haven't weighed myself. I'm giving myself a few days to let the water retention and other vacation gluttony effects wear off!

Meanwhile, normal life is keeping me busy. I'm at work, but I'll be rushing home to get my house cleaned and food ready for our get together tonight. My house is a WRECK! I haven't had time to vacuum since coming home..(those cats.....cause me to have to vacuum a heck of a lot!). Not to mention that the kitchen floor is atrocious (apple sauce making the last two nights!) Todd has his list of things to do this morning and he's promised to help this afternoon. :-) Of course this morning got blown away. Yesterday morning he went out and found that his car lights had been left on and his battery was dead. We gave him a jump and all seemed to be well. He used the car throughout the day and all was well. This morning he went out and it wouldn't start again....the lights were off. So something more is happening. We wonder if the battery is just about gone. The alternator in the car is relatively new (OK, a couple years old...but still...). I just left work and went home....he's in my car and he'll pick me up from work. (OK, at least he'd better....he has been known to forget to pick me up in the past!)

Back in the saddle again!

Table Decoration, originally uploaded by mfcstotler.

First of all, there is no particular reason for the picture, other than the fact that I like it. I snapped the picture at the reception for my friend last Saturday night.

Yesterday I had a major victory. I had made the vow that when I got home I would pick up the reigns and get back to eating healthy. Well when I made that statement, in the back of my mind I knew that it would be difficult for a few reasons. Number one, we are having a party at our house on Saturday night. Number two, my first day back at work would be a work day WITH a potluck! Well, I'm happy to say that the potluck came and went with NO FOOD passing my lips! I'm pretty darn tickled about that! I worked from noon until 6. The potluck was literally set up 5 feet from my desk. I had to see the food ALL day. I didn't cave! I ate lunch before I came to work. I brought in my food, laid it on the table (ok, chips and dip...easy stuff since I was on vacation) and didn't give it another thought. Ok, I gave it another thought, but I didn't partake!

I didn't weigh myself today. I drank a TON of water yesterday and it hasn't started 'leaving my system' so to speak. I'm going to give it a bit of time. In the meantime, I'm still drinkin' up! :-)

Other news....just in the last 2 hours or so, my ear has started to hurt. Sharp pains. Hopefully that eases up!

OCTOBER 16, 2008 (46 OF 365)

OCTOBER 16, 2008 (46 OF 365), originally uploaded by mfcstotler.

My weight this morning. The last time I weighed myself (right before we left) I was at 184.8. So not good. I had hoped to never see a weight that high. I'm not happy about it. But I'm ready to fix the problem. I also realize that some of that is water retention.....ohhh my water consumption was poor to say the least. (non-existent would be closer to the truth)

I was writing an email to a friend telling her about my vacation and I decided to copy it here for my own records! :-) (Sorry Vanessa ...just skip the rest of this entry!) So you can just skip it...in fact, I go into detail about what i ate...maybe I should skip it too......it may make me hungry for food I shouldn't be eating!

Ahhhhhhhh vacation always leaves such mixed feelings when it is over. It is always soooooo good to get home. I was looking forward to sleeping in my own bed! Just being at home was sounding really good! HOWEVER, coming back to work.....I could have done without. But at least work will give me the opportunity to catch up on all sorts of things online! :-)

Vacation....lets talk about food first! Hey, it's nearest and dearest to my heart. I ate. Food. Lots and lots of yummy tasting food (I'll go more into detail later!) Toward the end of the vacation I just felt miserable and icky from the food I was eating. Not just the amounts (that I'm not used to) but the choices! I was actually looking forward to coming home and eating healthy! In answer to your next question. Nope, I didn't let the way I felt change the way I ate. That is so sad isn't it????

OK, vacation overview by day!

Wednesday
We had planned on getting up and leaving for Indiana by 4AM. Things were going well. We went to bed and the car was totally packed. The alarm went off at 3:45. I was sooo tired that I decided to sleep for 1/2 hour more. I reset the alarm and went back to sleep. Uhhhhh...I forgot to turn the alarm back on! I woke up at 5:40! We were on the road by six. The trip out was uneventful. It did however start to rain at about the Ohio state line and it poured the whole trip out....until about 30 miles from my brothers house! That slowed us down so it actually took about 2 hours longer to get there! Pretty much once we got there, we unloaded the car and talked a bit (and played with the kids in my case) and we then headed out for dinner. Food on Wednesday. Todd and I stopped and ate at Panera Bread for breakfast. I had a cinnamon crunch bagel and a fruit cup. (I love that bagel...so yummy) For lunch we just stopped at Bob evans. I had a veggie plate. :-) For dinner we went to this local brewery. I ordered a brewhouse club. It was a warm club on a hoagie roll. I chose to get a side of pasta salad. I had asked the waitress if it was an oil based pasta salad or a mayonnaise based salad. She answered oil. It wasn't. It was totally a cream based salad. Ohhh well....it was still tasty. My brother and Cindy ordered a basket of "scooby snacks". They were potato wedges, liberally sprinkled with old bay with a dip. The dip was a ranch dip with finely chopped cucumbers in it. REALLY good combo. I had about 3 wedges. I can't remember what Todd ate....but he did have a pumpkin ale and a bloody mary. I managed to drink all my normal water today...over 64 ounces.

Thursday
Thursday was a relaxing day. I started out by jogging for 55 minutes. I was totally amazed at my endurance. Yes that was 55 minutes of straight jogging. I can't say that I was pushing myself...because I was. HOWEVER, I did it! And ohhh boy, did I ever do it! I am used to exercising...but not jogging. The muscles in my legs just screamed! I was so stiff and sore for the next few days that it was ridiculous.....it also put an end to my exercise during my vacation! I could barely walk up the steps or get in and out of my car without groaning. Oh wait...I did groan! Todd and I walked through the Village at Winona. It is a cool little 'village' This village is all cool little buildings that house shops for local artisans. All sorts of things! Todd and I saw that they actually had just put in a building (since our last visit) that housed a spa. Hmmmm...that got the wheels a turnin'. But we continued on. Most of the day was spent at my brothers relaxing with them. I did ride over to the YMCA with my brother to drop Alison off at gymnastics. She was given clearance to go back to gymnastics. She can't do much, since she has her broken wrist (she slipped off the balance beam while doing a handstand), but she wanted to go back...and she works on her floor and leg stuff. While she was there, Alan and I went over and walked through an orchard that he has permission to utilize. We picked about 3/4 of a bushel of apples. We did go back and watch Alison for about a half hour (she wanted me to see her at gymnastics) Eating this day was very healthy. For breakfast I had toast, lunch was fruit and veggies and for dinner Cindy grilled chicken breasts, cooked carrots and zucchini. We also had a side salad. So Thursday we ate at home the whole time. We did run to the coffee shop and get drinks. I got an Italian Ice! I also once again managed to drink my water for the day!

FRIDAY
This is the day that the eating went downhill! Todd and I had talked about it and decided to get massages while we were on vacation. So after eating breakfast at home, we headed out. We stopped at the coffee shop again I got another Italian Ice. Then it was off to Winona Lake. We walked on the new walking path and then headed to the village at Winona and made our appointment for our massages. We went into one other shop that we had skipped previously. By that time it was time for lunch. We chose to eat at Cerelean (spelling?). It is a Japanese influenced restaurant located in the Village at Winona. Cindy and Alan basically said that we should try to eat there because it was a neat place. My brother told me what stuff he had made in the restaurant (hostess stand, display, tabletops and benches). Todd LOVED it! Of course he would love any place where he can get really good sushi! Yes, he got sushi. I got a bento box lunch. I chose the Panko Crusted Chicken over a bed of sticky rice. It came with a dipping sauce (raspberry and something else). For my sides (you get three). I chose Asian noodles, Mandarin Orange salad with a vinaigrette dressing and the broccolini (tis a broccoli salad to DIE for!) YUMMY! We left there and walked back through the village to the ice cream shop. I got the banana fudge pontoon. It is vanilla ice cream, banana slices and hot fudge served in a waffle cone bowl. Topped with whipped cream and cherries (I nixed the nuts). Todd got some peanut butter fudge sundae. (I told you the food went downhill, didn't I.....well or uphill depending on how you look at it). I played with the kids all afternoon and then for dinner we all went to the little mexican restaurant in downtown Warsaw. I had a vegetarian combo. It had refried beans, a bean burrito, a cheese enchilada and a chalupa. YES, I had the chips and salsa AND I even splurged and had some of the cheese dip that Alan and Cindy ordered! I dind't even fill up my water mug today....and stopped getting water in restaurants....I switched to straight up diet soda! And I didn't drink much water for the rest of the vacation!

Saturday
We woke up and headed out almost immediately. Sullivan, where Julies wedding was being held is about 4-5 hours from Warsaw. I had also researched and found the Clabber Girl Museum in Terre Haute.....I just had to go. We showered and headed out. I grabbed the last of the biscotti that I had packed to take along. We stopped at the coffee shop that we love (courthouse coffee) out there and Todd got a coffee drink. I got an Apple Pie Chai. We enjoyed our drinks and biscotti during the drive down. The drive was uneventful and we made it to Terre Haute (30 miles outside of Sullivan) in good time. It was lunchtime by that point. BUT no fear. I had read that there was a little cafe in the museum. Of course we ate there! I was still doing pretty good...trying to make healthier choices in the midst of grand disaster foodwise! I got a turkey sandwich served on a flatbread. It came with either chips or pasta salad. I got the salad (oil based...which I prefer anyway). So I felt like I did decent for lunch. Todd and I walked through the museum. It was a quaint little place. And when we were done, we decided that we just had to partake of some dessert in the bakery/cafe. I got a double chocolate scone. It was ok...but looking back I wonder why in the world I ordered it. I mean, I like ooey gooey desserts and scones are typically dry! No matter, I ate every bite! Todd and I then travelled onward to Sullivan. We found our hotel and the church. we went out exploring a bit and found an antique fleamarket place. I bought a few bottles to add to my collection. Then it was back to the hotel to relax, shower and get ready for the wedding. The wedding was at 6:30. I had to be there early of course. It was good, I got to see Julie for a few minutes before the wedding (she called me down to talk to her). The wedding was very nice. Formal yet not stuck up and stiff. The reception was nice and relaxed and a lot of fun. Food at the reception. Julie had lots of different sandwiches. I think Todd got Roast Beef. I chose a turkey croissant. I picked up some veggies from the veggie platter that she had with a little bit of a veggie dip. She had Cole slaw (I think), potato salad and macaroni salad. I had a little spoon of the macaroni salad. She had chips and stuff like that also. Drinks ...there was a whole assortment of sodas. They had iced tea and bottled water. Yep, I skipped the bottled water and went right to the sodas. At least I stuck with diet! tee hee hee. I did have a piece of wedding cake! Her wedding cake was a mixture of chocolate and vanilla cake. (different tiers were different types). I went up to get Todd and I cake. I got one of each. Todd chose the chocolate...so i had the vanilla. I did have some of the green punch...but ignored the mints and nuts! We got back to the hotel room at around 11.

Sunday
We woke up and went down for the free breakfast at the hotel. I knew it would be something like donuts and bagels (Days Inn.....apparently brand new...and I think the only hotel for like 30 miles). I got a cinnamon cake donut and a banana (yep, I was still half heartily trying to cling to some semblance of healthiness...tee hee hee). We then drove back to Indianapolis (about 2 hours away.) The plan was to visit the Indianapolis Art Museum. Being as it was Sunday, it didn't open until noon. We got to Indy at about 10:30. So we drove around and explored for a while. For lunch we decided to go to O'Charleys. I got pretzel crusted chicken and mashed potatoes. It came with a side salad (honey mustard was my choice). The problem for me came when Todd decided to get an after dinner/lunch drink. I decided to peruse the dessert menu. HOT mini cinnamon donuts, served with a cream cheese dip! Ohhhh I HAD HAD HAD to have them! Todd said he would help me by taking a few bites. His drink came (coffee and Irish cream~~~ reminds me, I want to make some of my own Irish Cream again) and then my donuts came. She came out with a plate and a little bowl of the dip. The donuts were in a white bag. She shook the bag to coat the donuts and then dumped them onto the plate. (she left the bag for leftovers). HEAVEN! That is exactly where I was after the first bite! And the second bite! I could have happily skipped the whole meal and went straight to the hot donuts! Donuts done, I was feeling sooooo stuffed. We hopped into the car and drove to the art museum. What a great museum...and FREE! We were able to visit every section of the museum EXCEPT for the Asian section. I bought some Christmas gifts in the gift shop, so I was happy to get my Christmas shopping started! At the Art museum...on the campus, they have what they call the Lilly House. It is a huge estate and house. The gardens are spectacular and the house is a wonderful architectural treasure. We left the museum grounds just before 5PM (when they close) and started out for Warsaw. It should have been only 2 hours. But somehow it stretched into 3.5 hours! The traffic was horrendous! We hit EVERY red light and they were the shortest lights I had ever seen. We had to sit through some of them two or three times until we got through the intersection! We stopped at a convenience store to get drinks. I had a chocolate milk! YUMMY! :-) We FINALLY got back to my brothers and we were just so happy to get there that we stayed there and ate some stuff there. I had fruit and veggies. :-)

Monday
Monday morning dawned. We showered and headed out to Big Apple Bagels, a bagel shop (obviously). I had an apple pie bagel and a diet coke. (yep, still drinking the diet drinks, no water). And then we headed over for our massages. I had chosen to do the hot rocks massage. I've read about it and the thought of hot rocks on my always cold body just sounded really neat. I was informed that this would be a unique hot rocks as she still focused heavily on massage. It did feel good. I will admit that I'm not used to being massaged so every once in a while I would tense up....she would wait until I relaxed and then continue. I'll probably do another someday. I wasn't like Todd though. HE loves massages (he's had them before). When he came out he was raving about it. Me, it was nice but nothing that I just went gaga over. :-)
*After the massages, we headed back to my brothers place. They have a locally owned fast food place. I think they have 8 locations. It's called Penguin Point. Todd had decided that he would break his no fast food vow to go to Penguin Point. So we walked down there with Cindy and the kids. I got a grilled chicken breast sandwich and a side of baked beans with my diet coke. Todd on the other hand got a Wally Burger (double cheeseburger) and french fries! We walked back to my brothers house and Todd and I hopped in the car. We went back to the apple orchard and picked apples for a while. I filled up my trunk. We picked about 4 or 5 bushels to bring home. Yes, I'm done with my applesauce...but FREE apples! So I'm doing more! Oh and a bushel or so is for mom. We stopped at the coffee shop again after picking. I got an Italian ice AND a cinnamon roll :-)
*Dinner was at my brothers house...pasta and homemade bread. Interestingly enough, this was the day that Alex decided that he really really really liked Uncle Todd. He wanted Uncle Todd to push his stroller. He wanted Uncle Todd to sit with him at the drums. He wanted Uncle Todd, Uncle Todd, Uncle Todd. I was chopped liver. :-)

Tuesday
I woke up early. I got dressed and read for a while until the house really stirred. I ran to the coffee shop while Todd was in the shower. I got a chai and another cinnamon roll! Then we headed out in a caravan with my brother and his family for Peru, In. We went to The Grissom Air Museum. Twas really cool. We got to sit in the cockpit of an F4 and in a helicopter. They had tons of cool stuff and pictures. Then we went outside and they had a bunch of military jets that you could see. We went up into the observation tower which was neat because you could look over and see the runway of the Grissom AFB.
*We ate lunch at a restaurant that I think was called The Siding. It was an old train station with two train cars attached to it. We ate in the train cars (they were dining rooms). I had a turkey club and french fries. Wait! I had water!!!!! Riley sat next to me. He had gotten the potato chips (fresh...fried there) I had a few off of his plate....YUMMO!
*On the way back from Peru we ran into a bulk food store. Oh my word...the prices were HALF of what we pay around here! I bought a few things that I knew that I needed or would need soon!
*For dinner, Alan and Cindy got a babysitter and the four of us went to NoaNoa. Todd got a bunch of Sushi. I got the pesto chicken pasta. Oh my word is that stuff good! I got the house raspberry vinaigrette dressing. It is to die for! After we ate, even though I was stuffed full, we got one piece of rum brownie and split it four ways.

Wednesday
This was really a ho hum day. Todd and I pulled out of Warsaw at 4:30. I drove the first 5-6 hours and then we stopped for breakfast (boring Bob Evans again...but I love the cinnamon pancakes...and heck the bacon was tasty also) and then Todd drove the rest of the way home. We swung through H-Town and picked up the few groceries that I needed for the upcoming week. (basically perishables). We ate at Gandolfos (I got a Burning bridge....a turkey sub, and a diet coke).
*Finally at home, we petted the cats and unloaded the car. I immediately started on laundry and processing the apples! I finally stopped making applesauce at about 8 last night. I have a few more hours to do tonight. :-)

So that brings me up to date! Today I'm back at work. Wishing I wasn't here. I would be happy just to be at home for a day to get my 'bearings'. But oh well. :-)

I'm back in the saddle again. My food consumption today has been on target...and I'm working on the water!

Riley in F4 cockpit

Riley in F4 cockpit, originally uploaded by mfcstotler.

Alison

Alison, originally uploaded by mfcstotler.

alex playing drums with todd

alex playing drums with todd, originally uploaded by mfcstotler.

Lilly House at Indianpolis Museum of Art

LillyHouse, originally uploaded by mfcstotler.

OK, here is a post that I wrote a few days ago...andwell I guess it never got posted to this blog for some reason! Oh well......


Randomness
Driving down a stretch of road on the outskirts of a major city this morning. We drove about 10 miles. In that ten miles I saw at least 8 McDonalds, 3 Burgerkings, 1 Long John Silver. 2 White castle, 1 Rally, 2 dairy Queens, a steak n-shake just to name a few things. Lets see.......regular restaurants.......I saw ONE locally owned place (ONE!!!! and it looked to be a TOTAL dive), a Hooters, an O'Charley's, and a Red Lobster. Uhhhh what's wrong with this picture? Do people not eat anything other than fast food anymore????? And what happened to locally owned places of business?Yep, I attribute the obesity rates to things like this. However we can't totally blame these places.....we (as Americans...NOT I) chose to eat that slop! They just make it REALLY really simple by making that food so darn cheap!

Last official day

Today is the last 'official' day that we will be in Indiana. Tomorrow we drive back (and tomorrow is officially our last day of vacation.) I'm actually looking forward to getting back into a routine and getting back to eating healthy. I've made many healthy choices, so I'm very glad.

I've decided to not weigh myself until next week (tuesday, my weigh in day). I know that my weight will be up...I have not been drinking my water. I'd be lucky to say that I've had 24 ounces of water a day....and that is pushing it! But anyway, my plan is to really focus on eating healthy and getting everything back in line....and then after all is returned to 'normal' than face the scales. I don't want to get depressed if I see a huge gain. I want to get back to it first and make it a habit again before I do that. Otherwise it may be too tempting to continue the 'bad vacation habits'.

I stepped way out of my comfort zone. Yes, I'm still trying to do that. I have always wanted to get a massage...but I've never done it. Why? Because I have to bare my body. Yeah yeah yeah, it's all very PC, and I knew that my breasts and such would be covered...but still. My jiggly belly and flappy skin! Well, I pushed myself from my comfort zone and did it. It was quite nice. I did a massage/hot rocks combo. The hot rocks........really nice for someone that's always cold!

Wedding Cake

Wedding Cake, originally uploaded by mfcstotler.

Ok, I just got back from the wedding....this is my post wedding update. Julie actually had realatively healthy foods. I had a turkey sandwhich, a small scoop of macaroni salad and some veggies off the veggie platter. I ignored the meatballs (beef.....so that wasn't difficult). I did not touch the potato chips! I drank diet soda and did not partake of the bar offerings. I did however have a piece of cake. It was not the little sliver of cake that the cake places actually say is a serving. But it was not a honkin' big piece that I would have cut for myself. :-) I didn't put any mints on my plate! Ohhh yes, I did have some green punch with my cake!

I will say. My water consumption thus far on vacation has been atrocious! I am probably not even getting 24 ounces of water. I haven't sunk so low as to drink 'regular' soda. Instead I'm doing diet drinks...but still! No worries though...I'll get back to it! Meanwhile, I"m enjoying myself and just trying to make healthier decisions for myself and not worry about it. Because to sit back and worry about every bite I put into my mouth makes this whole thing not worth it! This is life and there will be times when you have to temporarily throw in the towel, live on the edge so to speak. But the important thing is to not let one day or week or howoever long that temporary time is for to not slip into an extended time period. For me, it's vacation. My vacation is over on Thursday. Thus on THursday I'm back hot and heavy! :-) In the meantime, I'm going to live life and take it as such.
Two things about 'living' though.

1. It is so much more special to go and get these treats and yummy things! When I ate like this all the time, it was just ho-hum. I feel as if I"ve received the biggest treat from my little indulgances the last few days!

2. My body really does let me know that it would rather be eating the fruits and veggies and getting it's water. No I"m not sick...but it's let me know (I had a terrible case of indigestion this morning....yeah yeah yeah....way too much TMI!)

Wedding

Wedding, originally uploaded by mfcstotler.

Just wanted to show a picture of my beautiful friend and her new husband! This is the girl that has helped keep me motivated to lose weight.

clabber girl museum

clabber girl museum, originally uploaded by mfcstotler.

Ok, we drove through Terre Haute, Indiana today on the way to my friends wedding. I had found that the Clabber Girl company (baking powder) had a museum. That was right up this baker/cookers alley! Of course we went! And of course we ate at the Clabber Girl bakery/cafe. Very yummy!

My eating is somewhat out of control....and I've got wedding cake in my near future!!!!! Well who cares as long as I still fit into my dress for this wedding tonight! :-) Speaking of that...I'd better go dry my hair!

Heaven

Well, I didn't do as well today. I held it together for breakfast. Lunch we ate a Japenese influenced place. My food was realatively healthy, but we splurged and went to an ice cream shop afterwards. HEAVEN! I had a Fudge Banana Pontoon. (their name) It was vanilla ice cream, bananas, whipped cream and doused in hot fudge sauce. All in a waffle cone bowl. HEAVEN! It actually wasn't that big....but I'm sure it knocked my points out of whack. Oh well...it's vacation, I don't eat those things often! But, who knows what dinner will bring tonight!I thought I was sore yesterday. I can barely move today without pain! OUCHERS! We still went for a walk! About an hours worth! So I didn't just stop and do nothing!!!!!

So I have no clue where my weight is. I know that Tuesday I didn't do to great, i had some pumpkin bread at work....not just one piece either. Yesterday I held my own and didn't do all that badly. We spent the day in the car so there was absolutely no exercise. Today i was on fire with my eating and exercise. I actually jogged for about 55 minutes this morning early. I've eaten really good today. Life is grand! The problem...I'm not used to jogging....I'm sore sore sore!

The last day dawns!

Yes, it is the last day before my vacation begins. It's not shaping up to be a good one! Lets see. I woke up early and got my picture for my one picture per day project. It's not a fantastic one, but it will suffice. I actually also saw a big buck in our back yard but he ran off before I could get out there. I did a few things around the house and then I beat it on up to H-town for my weigh in. I knew that I would not be able to make it to the meeting because I had to be at work shortly thereafter. The leader weighed me in. While we were chit chatting, I told her that I liked the meeting and I was going to call this meeting my home meeting because the time worked best for me, but that this was one of the weeks that my schedule just didn't coincide with a meeting. She looked at me and said, "would a half hour or hour later work better for you?" I was like No, absolutely not! Then she told me that they just got word that they may be changing the meeting time to later in the day. GREAT! It took me two months to settle on and into a new meeting...and I gained 10 pounds in the process! (OK, OK OK...the poundage is totally 100% my fault, I know, I know, I know...I'll stop laying blame elsewhere). So it sounds like I may be back to the drawing board with finding a new meeting. This really really really sucks! (Same WW center that cancelled my last meeting pulling this stunt......man, I wish we lived in a big city that had lots of options!)

SOooooooo even though it looked as if I had lost a lot of weight during the latter part of last week, And then I showed myself gaining again. I at least pulled out a .6 loss. Wooo hoooo!! Over a half of pound lower than last week!! I'll take it! Especially since the monthly ick should be here within a few days..so I know I'm probably retaining like crazy due to that. (sorry...way too much information for some readers probably....)

Vacation. I'm ready. Yeah, after reading the last posts it's obvious that I'm physically and emotionally ready to go. BUT...I'm talking about being ready to conquer vacation and being able to say, "I lost weight on my vacation!" I'm gonna do it! Whew....I'll admit, I cringed when I wrote that. I feel like biting my nails in nervousness. Because I know that in a week or so I could be sitting her crying (figuratively speaking) because I've gained weight. I've made bold statements about losing before and failed. (gathering my courage here...give me a few) But you know what. As long as I do my best and try, then I'll be OK!

Freakish, Fluctuating Fun!

Yes, my weight is just fluctuating, fluctuating and fluctuating some more! At the end of last week i was where.....181.8. And then today I'm back to 185! This is just absolutely nuts! Oh well....at least I'm down a bit from where I was last Monday! However small it may be! It will come off....in it's own time!

Not much to talk about. I've been busy getting ready for vacation. Almost there...I'll sleep in my own bed two more times and then I'll be VACATIONING! I can't wait to get away. And it's not that we are doing anything spectacular. It's that we are getting away from the rat race! That is what I am looking forward to!

Meanwhile, I'm pretty much packed and ready to go. I'm going to load some of the stuff into the car tonight. Tomorrow will be a busy day for me. I'm working a long shift. I'm going to a ww center to be weighed in (I won't have time to stay at the meeting due to my long day at work). I'll get home after work and make dinner, do the last laundry, straighten the house, pack the last few things and watch TBL! So it will be a busy day. :-)

changing tree for a changing girl

changing tree, originally uploaded by mfcstotler.

Well, I didn't weigh myself today. Don't know why, well I guess I do. I just forgot! Actually I haven't weighed myself for a couple days. So I have no clue where I'm at. I THINK I'm up. The monthly ick is on it's way!

Well, we were planning on going to the gym this morning. SO I didn't get up and exercise immediately. My bad. We ended up not going to the gym and running errands instead. I 'swore' I was going to come home and exercise. Yeah right! We did at least walk for about 45 minutes on the canal while we were out and about.

Nothing else much to post. I've been busy. I've had some plans for vacation and trying to ensure that we don't stray to far from our set course. On Friday I made granola bars to take along. Last night I made chocolate chip biscotti. While I love the biscotti that I make (crispy on the outside softer on the inside...to die for...and this recipe is only 1 point per piece) it is more for Todd. He loves it with coffee (I"m not a coffee drinker). I also packed a package of WASA crackers to take with us! :-) Nice zero point crispy snack if you need a bite of something. So I'm pretty much ready with that stuff. My clothes are pretty much all washed and ready, in fact some are even packed! Todd installed my new stereo in my car today! WOOO HOOO! I'm so ready to leave. Two more days of work, long days...but only two of them!

Well, I"m sure I could ramble on further, but I have a book in the bedroom that is calling my name. It's by Iris Johansen, Quicksand. Her stuff is usually a pretty good read.

Progress

Progress, originally uploaded by mfcstotler.

Well...I'm working through the mental stuff.......I think this is a huge step!

After a particularly horrid teaching experience (4th grade, outside of DC), I vowed to never set foot in a public school. I made it from 2001 until just recently. When I was hired at my current job, they informed me that we were 'Partners in Education' with the local Elementary School. I was up front and told them of my desire to stay as far away from a school as possible. They were ok with it. However, over the past year they have managed to get me into the school on three occaisions. I've lived! AND somehow they have talked me into mentoring a student at the said school, which will begin soon. But the biggest thing. I VOLUNTEERED to create and take care of a box tops for education collection box. After 7 years, am I starting to heal???"

My day. Not too bad. I've been busy ALL day. I just sat down! I exercised early this morning and then this afternoon I push mowed my parents properties...so there was some more activity!

pumpkin cookies

pumpkin cookies, originally uploaded by mfcstotler.

Why oh why did I make pumpkin cookies today. I woke up and hopped onto the scales. I was a few ounces up but I wasn't concerned....(I woke up thirsty, a sign that I was somewhat dehydrated). I decided to make the cookies. After all, I would have leftover pumpkin after making the pumpkin pancakes for breakfast. I was going to remain strong though. I thought about how proud I would be when I was able to stand back and say, "I managed that well!" I didn't try any of the cookie dough, which is a HUGE victory in itself. I didn't eat any of the cookies when they were warm and hot from the oven. HOWEVER, when I iced the cookies the trouble began. I hadn't made these cookies in about 3 year...maybe 4. So I just wanted to try one. That was actually my plan. I was going to have one cookie this evening. I caved and had my 'one' cookie this morning. BAD BAD BAD. Because I had seven and a half other cookies staring me flat in the eye! I don't know how many I ate. I know it wasn't pretty. I know my stomach hurts. I know physically I'm miserable! I'm also mad at myself.

Self sabotaging.......my weight just started to drop and here I do this to myself. Is this self sabotaging? Or is it simply the fact that once I start with something bad I just lose control.....trying to keep the euphoric feeling that I get when I eat something . I do believe that it wasn't a self sabotage (I had to throw that into the thought process though). I really think it was the food addiction. I caved, I had my first taste and just like someone who has that first hit of a drug or that first swig of alcohol I just couldn't stop!

I've said over and over and over again, that if I can just STAY AWAY from the bad stuff I'm OK. It's when I start.....arrgghhh I just can't stop!

Now I'm not trying to downplay the terribleness of a drug or alcohol addiction. It is terrible. No ifs ands or buts about it. However, sometimes I think that to be addicted to something like that and to kick that kind of habit would be so much easier. You see; in those cases,you can remove yourself from situations where you are confronted by your vice. Me, I'm addicted to food. I have to learn to confront my addiction day in and day out. I can not remove myself from my vice. I need food to live. I need food to sustain my body and my mind. There is NO WAY that I can live without it. I have to confront and conquer this addiction literally hundreds of times in the course of a day, a week, a month. And not only do I have to confront it...I have to partake of the very thing that I'm addicted to.

Meanwhile, I'm hoping to squeeze in another workout tonight, to try to compensate for those umpteen cookies that I ate. I really just didn't feel like lunch.....but I did bring along a Clementine and apple for a HEALTHY snack (so I'm not tempted to break into more of those cookies......I brought some to my co-workers). I am on my own for dinner tonight (Todd will be in town doing stuff for this benefit...he's actually eating dinner with mom and dad) so I'll be able to have zero or low points foods for dinner...veggie city here I come!

Tomorrow should be pretty easy for me to stay focused and on plan. I'll be eating my meals on my own...so mostly fruits and veggies for me. Plus, I'll exercise first thing in the morning......and I'm planning on mowing mom and dad's properties (that is 45 minutes with a push mower). So all is not lost. And if I gained a pound or so....it will come off!

thepathway near Sharpsburg

thepathway near Sharpsburg, originally uploaded by mfcstotler.

This morning I woke up and there was no doubt in my mind. I was riding the exercise bike come hell or high water. I hit up the bathroom first, as is my normal routine. I weighed myself. HOLY MOLY! 181.0 pounds. That is a loss of 5.6 pounds since TUESDAY? I thought I was shocked yesterday......woah doggie. Today I'm just plain and simple blown away! I refust to psychoanalyze the situation. I don't care at this point. Yep, it could have been water, yep, it could hav been the kick ass last few days I've had. I don't care. What I care about is that it was 181. 0 That puts me back into my 'happy 5 pound' area! (within 5 pounds from my lowest weight ever....I have always said I would be ok, happy if my weight stayed within 5 pounds of my lowest ever weight.....and if it went above it was panic time!). SO I'm a happy girl. It is also redoubling my motivation to go on vacation and really nail the vacation. I want to lose weight! (I'll be happy with a maintain though).

Anyway, so this morning I weighed myself and hopped onto the exercise bike. I was about 15 minutes into my ride when Todd woke up and mentioned the gym. Well heck, i was ready to hop of the bike and hit up the gym instead. But he then quickly remembered and obligation he had that would make the gym not quite as feasible. I suggested a walk on the canal. His eyes lit up. We had a winner. I rode the exercise bike for 30 minutes, ate lunch and got dressed and then walked on the canal for an hour! Not too shabby!

Vacation plans.....here they are.
1. I'm taking homemade granola bars and 1 point candy (WW) so that we have something realativly healthy to snack on.
2. When we get there, I"m going to hit up the grocery store and have a few items on hand at my brothers house so that I can eat a decently healthy breakfast AND lunch at their house. (this will save us money also!)
3. Eat sensibly when we go out for dinner!
4. I'm planning on jogging or riding my brothers exercise bike in the mornings.
5. walking walking walking. I've told Todd that I want to walk walk walk as much as we can! Why drive that 1/2 mile to the Mexican restaurant that we want to visit when we can walk there!

I'm determined to make this vacation a successful weight week!

Wednesday

Desi, originally uploaded by mfcstotler.

Thought I'd share a picture of Desi.....this is technically my husbands cat. The cat...well...the cat tolerates me. But he's getting better! Oh well, the other three cats adore me!

Well, my weight dropped. This morning it was down to 183.6. That is a three pound drop from yesterday. I think I'm about ready to give up trying to make sense of it!

I feel as if I've done REALLY good with my food today. I ate oatmeal for breakfast and then on the first Wednesday of the month when Todd has a board meeting, I usually go out to eat with mom. Today, I ate with mom, but we ate at her house. We had a meal of mostly veggies and fruit. I was satisfied. Mom struggled a bit with being satisfied. BUT, she was tickled because her blood sugar levels remained really good and didn't spike like they normally do (hello, she's eating JUNK!)

Todd and I stayed in town for dinner. Mom and I each combined our forces and made dinner together. It's always like old times cooking in the same kitchen with my mom...good memories. We actually ended up making Glazed chicken with apples, roasted potatoes, carrots and peas. For dessert we had jello with pears in it. Pretty good meal! :-)

Woke up this morning and we hit up the gym. I set the elliptical at 60 minutes, level 12 with a random hill program. In my mind I set a personal goal to reach at least 500 calories burned and 4 miles. I was plugging along...I was JUST going to make my goal when my friend Sherry walked into the gym. Nope, I didn't stop. She climbed onto the elliptical beside mine and we talked for the last 5 minutes of my 60 minute program and then I just put it on a level and I did backwards for 15 more minutes. So 75 minutes of exercise. Made it to well over 600 calories burned (if you can believe those machines...but hey, I use those figures as goals) and over 5 miles!

Lets see...in other news. Oh wait, Ethel is having a health problem. (she's had diarrhea for the last few days). I got medicine from the vet today. Hopefully that clears it up. (hopefully before vacation).

Todd and I are watching the gas shortage problem closely. That is the last thing that we want. To be in the middle of our travels and end up stranded or stuck somewhere without gas....and we heard that the problem is spreading to the Midwest....where we will be. LOVELY!

Other than that...nothing much else to report!