Don't mess with the cheese!

Well, it took me almost two months for the knee pain to rear it's ugly head.  It's arthritis.  I'm not injured.  I'm just dealing with one of the fallouts from having at one time weighing over 300 pounds. I'm dealing with the fallout of currently being in the obese category in terms of my weight.  I know that the more weight I lose the less pain I'll feel in that knee.  I also know that the more I build up the muscles around that knee the less I'll struggle.   Experience tells me that the pain drifts away to almost nothing the more weight I lose.  So I'm just working around it.  I'm not on this journey to push myself toward inhat this pain is....and I know that I'm not hurting myself further by pushing through that pain.  So out comes the knee brace.  I'm prepared and ready to face this!!!! 

The alarm went off the crack of dawn this morning. Todd's first words were "Do you still want to go to the gym?"  As badly as I wanted to say no, I sucked it in and said "why of course!"  Life may be crazy, it may have been early, my knee may have hurt, my bed was so toasty....but when it boils down to it.  If I want to live this lifestyle with any success, I have to learn how to work around those issues and obstacles!!!   Yes, we went to the gym.  Bring on another day of my week 4 on C25K!   I did that.  It was rough....my legs were heavy, but I pushed through it.  My breathing did well!  woo hoo!   After my run, I moved to the elliptical and dang if that half hour wasn't a killer.   I have a day of rest upcoming...and while I'm on a roll and WANT to continue on my mission, I'm on the other hand looking forward to my day of rest!

The last two days I have eaten breakfast at home about about 7:30 or 8 AM.  I get to work and by 11 AM I am ravenous.  On Tuesday I was just hungry.  On Wednesday my stomach actually hurt with the hunger.  Yeah, I'm kinda shocked too that my body gets to that point that it's hurting with hunger. Once again, I pulled out the 'emergency' pretzels.  Luckily for me they were already counted out and portion controlled (from Tuesday's snack) so it was easy to stay within my budget.  And actually I had enough calories in my day once again to accommodate eating the pretzels.  So all was well.
I'm ok with eating a snack.  If I have the points there is nothing wrong with having a  extra snack.  My question though is this?  Why am I getting so hungry so very soon after breakfast. (hmmm could it be the fact that I restarted taking some vitamins each day?  (drat, I forgot it this morning) The last two days I've had toast for breakfast ...I've paired it each day with a serving of fruit.  I love toast and I've never had a problem with toast not holding me over.  I've had problems with cold cereal not holding me over....but never toast.  Before I go further..... Eggs disgust me...I can't stand the taste.  I don't like meat.......I don't like milk......I don't.....    Holy hell, I'm a darn picky eater!  Breakfast is the worst meal for me in terms of what I will eat.

 Actually I would be happy going with a vegan lifestyle except for a few small issues. (ok pretty big ones)
Surprisingly, it's not the milk.  While I don't like the taste, I do cook with it all the time.  However, we already have our refrigerator stocked with Almond Milk (husband has digestive issues...milk is a no no and soy doesn't digest easily...almond is the way to go). I have no problem cooking with Almond milk.  I've not come up with a recipe that doesn't work with the almond milk.   My issues with veganism....
*eggs-  I cook with eggs all the time. I have no problem eating them if they are an ingredient in something.
* cheese-  I can't even fathom giving up cheese.  NO NO NO.  I love my cheese!  I've tried the soy cheeses nothing even comes close in comparison!
*  soy-tofu-mushrooms-  ewww ewww ewww  They are the generally accepted substitutes and I can't stand them....hurl-o-rama.

So for now I will just continue with my quasi/half vegan lifestyle.....Don't mess with the cheese!

Fear and happiness

I decided that it was time to rejoin the gym.  Todd and I debated about which gym to go to. OK, Todd never debated...I did.  When I originally started the healthy lifestyle thing, we joined Gold's Gym.   We both liked it but we spent a LOT of money each month for the two of us.  After a few years we decided to move to a gym that was  bit closer...thus we tried out South Point Fitness.  It was small and cramped and Todd hated working out there, he said it made him claustrophobic.  We left there and switched to the ultra cheap Planet Fitness.  That wasn't so bad...for a no frills gym, but eventually as money became even more tight we dropped that (plus there was an issue with a worker and Todd that wasn't pretty and Todd complained about the gym the whole time...said he didn't like the vibe).  We went gymless for a while.   We went back to Gold's (which is substantially cheaper now).   And there have already been a few lessons that I would like to share.

Lesson number one.  I was talking to the guy that signed us up.  I mentioned that I was doing the couch to 5k training program and that it was working, I wasn't fast and it wasn't by any means pretty, but I was doing it.   He looked at me and his words were "I think it's splendid, you've already lapped everyone that's sitting on their couch!"    You know....that is totally right!   I sat around for so many months and years of my life and I let myself be lapped over and over again. Why?   Fear kept me down.  I was afraid I would look retarded.  I was afraid I would fail.  I was just afraid.  But you know what....sitting on the couch doing nothing is what I SHOULD have beeen afraid of!  I am up and moving.  There is no way in hell that my actions will hold me back......the only thing that holds me back is inactivity!

Lesson number two wasn't really a lesson, but rather just a thought that flitted through my mind.  Today is  bank holiday, so of course I'm off work.  We decided to head to the gym.  After my workout I went into the locker room.   And that's when I realized.   I don't fear the gym.  I will go and push myself and feel confident that I'm doing my best.  What I fear?  I fear the locker room.  I always chose a locker that's off in  corner and hope and pray that the area will be uninhabited when it comes time for me to change after my workout.   And eii yii yii..the showers???   ~~shudder~~    So today I walked into the locker room.  I set my stuff down and walked over to the sinks so that I could take  look at myself.  You see, I was trying to figure out if I could forgo taking a shower after my workout (when I used to workout at the gym I only showered at the gym once.....fear you know.....even though it's irrational and I know it!) I walked to that mirror THREE times....dreading it.  But I knew that we had some plans and errands after the gym and I really needed to do something......greasy sweaty hair is not a good pretty sight.  After my shower, I started to think about it.  Seriously?  What do I fear?  It's absolutely NUTS!    I'm not going to live my life with irrational fears.  I'm going to push myself and the world better as hell watch out because I'm going to emerge from this cacoon strong and ready to kick ass!
 OK upon rereading this for a quick edit, I just realized that lesson one and two are both me facing my fears.  Interesting.
I've been saying that our happiness has to come from inside and not due to any amount of exercise or weight loss.  I've said it can't come from a job...or a spouse...or material possessions.  It really does come from within.  Apparently George Washington felt the same!