I must win!

I think I found a great long term motivation to lose weight.     I made a challenge of sorts with Jason last night.....there will be a reward/punishment when I reach my goal weight (180 pounds).   We shook on it and I'm now determined to win my prize!   

I am very competitive.....very competitive!   This was evidenced with a few challenges that Jason and I had with running back in 2016.   You see back in 2016 I was running a lot!  Jason made the comment that he would like to start running...he hadn't run in years.   Somehow, we made a bet /challenge.   Whoever ran the most miles in a week would be the winner and be able to claim the prize.   And let me tell you, the prize was a doozy!  (Jason may have had a few beers in him at that point!)  I was determined to win!  I would push myself to make sure that I was ahead of him. I did everything I could to make sure I won!  (Nothing underhanded! I wanted to win fair and square.)  I didn't want to be the loser on that bet!    I worked hard and I won! When I say that the losers fee was a doozy.....I am not kidding around!  It was a HUGE doozy!  In fact, it is so huge and so preposterous that I doubt I will EVER demand payment.  But even today....5 years later, I still remind him that I can still claim my prize at any time!  You see, I won the bragging rights....and those bragging rights will last a lifetime!   We did multiple running bets around that time.....and I lost some and won some.  We had a lot of fun with it!  And it REALLY works for me because I am so competitive.

So, what is this big bet?

Last night Jason and I were watching some back episodes of this seasons of The Amazing Race.  In the episode we were watching, the contestants were taken to a large (high) dam and had to bungee jump off the bridge.  You could see the fear in some of the contestants' eyes, body language and words. We giggled and Jason freely admitted that if we were in that position, that would be him.  You see, he is not a big fan of heights.  Sure, we hike up mountains and check out overlooks!   I have posted tons posts about our hikes. But Jason does not get to the edge....and endeavors to keep me as far from the edge as possible.  There is no standing near the edge....or even sitting!  (Which is actually ok with me as I have proven that I am not the nimblest on my feet!  

But as we watched these contestants jumping....we talked and discussed the concept.  Could we do it if we had to??   I bit my togue because I almost said "When I reach my goal weight, I will do it!"  I laughed about it internally for a few minutes and then told Jason what I had almost said.   We laughed and somehow...someway it turned into a challenge.  "When MaryFran reaches her goal weight Jason will bungee jump".    Ohhh weee!!!!!!  How exciting!     We nailed down how much weight I have to lose and we agreed on the 180 pounds I had been at (doctor recommended weight) when I made Lifetime at Weight Watchers as my goal weight.  And at that point, I held out my hand for the handshake.  He hesitated.....but he shook on it!   (Oh Jason....you shouldn't make bets/challenges  when you have had a few beers!!!!)

So the bet is on!  I Will win this bet!  I may not ever make him actually do it.  (Remember, I have another bet that I have no intention on collecting but I LOVE to hold it over his head....and he knows I won't collect...but it is still fun to 'own' it!)   But maybe...I will collect my bet this time.  And maybe...just maybe I will do my own jump!

Either way...I have about 70-75 pounds to lose.....because I WANT those bragging rights as the winner!

I am…..

​​I am having the most conflicting feelings about my weight loss journey…well the last two days have been totally conflicting!   I feel empowered.   I feel sad.  I feel proud.  I feel scared.

I feel proud 

It is no secret that I have been struggling with my weight loss efforts for a while.  I have wanted to lose weight.  The desire has never waned!  It’s the motivation, the perseverance where I have issues.  The process of actually DOING is what I struggle with.  I have told myself over and over again that I will start on Monday!   Or ‘tomorrow’.  I even make plans, ‘next time I get food from here I will order such and such…but for TODAY I’m getting what I really want to eat’.  I have pushed off my efforts for months now.  

On Friday I knew that enough was enough. I wrote a post about how if I want change to happen (losing weight) that I must change myself so that change CAN happen. (See post here.). I was afraid to hit publish on that post though.  Seriously…I haven’t kept my word how many times!  And oh my word, I’ve babbled endlessly about how weekends are so difficult for me!  I tend to eat more food.  I tend to overindulge.  I tend to gain weight over the weekends…then spend the whole work week trying to lose the weight that I gained over the weekend.  It really is a vicious cycle.  So you can imagine how I was hesitant to hit publish on something stating that I was going to restart and how I was going to change…at the beginning of the weekend!   But I did post it.  And I did start my change right then and there.  I tracked..I managed…I had a great weekend with eating.  How did I relay perfectly?  Of course not.  I still had my weekend sweet treat indulgence.   Did I manage my calories like a budget?  Yes!   I cut out stuff and got smaller sizes of other stuff…and I ate according to my food budget! I remained in budget with my eating!!!   I did it on a weekend!  I was strong!  I am proud!

I am Scared

With the strong start I had over the weekend, comes the fear.  Been there, done this before.  How many strong starts have I had?  How many times have I made vows.  How many times have I tracked?   What makes this different?  And with those thoughts come the scared feelings.  I’m scared I will fail once again.   I’m scared of having to come back on here yet again and say ‘I messed up’.  I’m scared of my own errors and human traits.  I don’t want to fail…again…at losing weight.  Sure I’ve lost weight before and thus have an idea of what is in store for me…but each journey is different.  Who knows what this current journey will bring me.   I am scared.

I am Sad

Yes, as exciting as having a fabulous restart really is, and on a weekend might I might add, I’m also very sad.

I managed my calories to allow for the weekend foods.  On one day that meant eating super lightly throughout  the day.   That was ok…but I was sad.  I was sad when I stopped at my mom’s and couldn’t grab a bite to eat.  (We all know mom’s food tastes better too don’t we?). I was sad when I couldn’t get a snack at the convenience store we stopped at!  I was sad.

The next day I was sad when I ordered the mini cheeseburger at Five Guys.  I wanted the regular!  (And after eating the mini…I will probably adjust my calories in a different way…their buns really do need two of their burgers to carry off the sandwich to make it taste good…I ate mostly bread!).  I skipped the French fries.  I lowered something else down to small and I managed my calories accordingly so that I was never over 1450 calories over the weekend.  But I was sad.  I like food.  Food is my comfort.  Food is my…well I am a food addict so let’s just say it is important!   Food is like a friend and to cut back or say no altogether was like turning my back on friends!  However.   I made the changes willingly…but I was sad.  

I feel empowered

I might be proud.  I might be sad.  I might be scared.  But I also feel empowered.  For the first time in a very long time I stood up and took the reigns and took control of my eating and my addiction.  I may not have LIKED the changes, but I feel empowered to have made them and to be in control!  

It is Monday and I am not letting up.  I had two servings of veggies and a serving of fruit for lunch.  I am managing and adjusting my calories where need be to be able to live my life in the lifestyle that we have.  I can do this…..and you know what?  Let’s add a new feeling onto the list.  For the first time in a long time…. I am hopeful!

I’m just Tired

​I am just tired.  Tired of what you may ask?   I’m tired of so many things.  I’m tired of feeling like a failure…and I am definitely failing at losing weight.  I’m tired of being fat.  I’m tired of even trying to lose weight. I’m just tired.

Tired of Being Fat

Nope, I’m not mincing words.  I am just plain tired of being fat.   I don’t like how I feel in my body.  I don’t like how my clothes fit.  I don’t like …we’ll much of anything about being overweight.    Seriously…being overweight hurts…physically hurts too!   I’m tired of it.   I keep vowing to make the necessary changes but I fall into the adage of ‘tomorrow’.   But tomorrow has not come recently.  Honestly the last time I had any great success was right before our wedding/elopement!  That happened at the beginning of October of last year!  5 months ago!    I’m tired of a lack of success!!!

Every time I gain weight it bothers me more.  When I was overweight (way back at the beginning of this website/blog) I didn’t feel fat.  My body was used to the weight and I guess the constant aches and pains.  But as I lost the weight the pain disappeared and I felt amazing.  But tasting that amazing pain free life means that as I gained the back, I feel every pound!  Each and every pound!  I’m tired of it!

I have bins upon bins of clothes in my smaller sizes.  Yet I’m forced to wear my fat clothes …which honestly I don’t even think of as ‘fat clothes’ anymore…they are just my clothes.  But honestly, I think about those clothes with longing!  I’m tired of being this size!!!

Tired of Failing

Before our wedding I had challenged myself to a 12 week challenge.  My goal was to lose 24 pounds in that twelve weeks.  And I did phenomenal at the beginning and then lost slower at the end.   I didn’t reach my 24 pounds but I was proud of myself with what I DID lose.  We got married, vacationed, uhhh…honeymooned, and came home.  I maintained a few weeks and then very slowly started to gain. I’m ashamed to admit…but I gained weight.   It took me 2 months to gain 10 pounds.  The next three months?  10 more pounds gained!  (Ok more like 8…but seriouslyYes.  I am sitting close to 20 pounds heavier than I was when I got married!  What in the world is wrong with me?    I’m talking failure!  Huge failure!  20 pounds of failure!   I’m tired of failing!

The weight gain on top of negative and snide comments and my own personal epiphany of how years of these comments have shaped my view of myself is not a good combination.  Can we say self fulfilling prophecy?  I’m tired of FEELING like a failure!

The Catalyst for Change

So I have been thinking about how I feel.  If I expect any change to be forthcoming in my life, I need to change myself first.  I can’t expect to continue doing the exact same thing and expect different results.  So that means that it is time to change me.  It is time to change my way of thinking.  It is time to change my actions.  The only way to enact change is to be the catalyst of change.  

So what is my plan and how am I going to be the catalyst for change?   Well first, I am going to focus on the things I CAN change!  But let’s talk specifics.

Negativity in my life. Sadly, the negative person in my life is not someone I can easily cut out of my life…nor do I want to.  I love the person…and I know that they love me.  This person is just not happy with their lot in life…maybe some jealousy…whatever.   I can’t change them. What I can do is start to stand up for myself whenever the remarks are made.  I can try to put a stop to them versus just sitting there like a whipping post.  And now that I totally recognize the behavior, I can hopefully separate it in my mind as drivel untruths!

Weight loss failure.  Well simply put, I need to stop failing.  I am worth every second of time it takes.  I am worth every ounce of energy I devote. I am worth it!  Easier said than done.  I know…so maybe fake it till I make it??  Hahaha. And I will be going back to the basics.

     1.  Track my food…RELIGIOUSLY!

      2.  Water….65 ounces as bare minimum

      3.   Calories UNDER 1450 at least 6 days a week!

     4.  Forgive myself for my mistakes and missteps!

     5.  40 miles of exercise/movement a week (this is the minimum I need for my 2022 mile challenge.

     6.  Work to add additional formal exercise into my week.  I’m not sure yet how/when/where but stay tuned!

Changing my behaviors will take energy…but I can do it!!!!!!

What a Weekend!

​What a whirlwind of a weekend!  Not just how time flies, that is always a whirlwind!  But the weather.  Could we have a bigger ricochet effect in the weather?  We utilized the one end of the spectrum in the weather to our fullest!  But time just flew by as it always does.

The Weekend Weather 

On Friday night we did our normal after work walk…wearing sweatshirts/hoodies!  The temps were literally that nice!  We opened the windows in our place and let some fresh air circulate! Upper 50°’s and  it was fabulous!  Saturday morning was more of the same!   Wonderful temps!   A gift from Mother Nature in the middle of winter!  Mid to upper 50’s!  We knew we were NOT going to let that get away from us!  We headed to a local state park and hiked!   Ahhhh. Fresh air!  Warmer air!   It was fabulous! It was a bit breezy so we both wore sweatshirts and a windbreaker and that was absolutely perfect!   The ice on the lake was in direct contrast to how the temps felt!  We enjoyed every second!  Oh and I had so much fun with my camera again!   I need to make the time for photography in my life!!!

On Sunday we woke up to snow.   Ok, it wasn’t much…here at least.  I would probably call it more a ‘dusting’.  We got about an inch and it was mostly on the grass and cars.  It did not deter us from heading out and running errands!  But it was back in the 30’s…brrrr!

The little glimpse of spring made me long for it even more!  Come on spring…I'm anxiously awaiting your complete arrival!!

Weight Efforts over the Weekend

I didn’t get around to lowering my calories on MyFitnessPal until midway through the weekend.  That’s ok!  It’s done now!   I also didn’t track anything over the weekend.  And while that is not ok, it is the past.  I’m not living in the past.  I’m looking to the future.  So today will be a better day.  And honestly, it already is.  You see I’ve already tracked my food for the day…before I even took one bite!  Go me!

I am aiming for a range between 1200 and 1400 calories. However, myfitnesspal is set at 1280.  Works for me!  I have something to aim for!  And even if I am a bit over (seriously…1200 is restrictive) then I know that I’m still in the range I want to be in!  Win win!  

Busy busy busy Weekend

I got row 9 of ten done on my quilt top!  So hopefully by the end of next weekend I will be ready to sandwich the quilt top, batting and backing together and start the actual quilting.  I have purchased everything.  Batting, backing, thread, etc.  I have one more shipment that will be arriving and then I will have all of my supplies. Next weekend I will have to stop at my mother’s house and pick up my portable quilting frame (apologies to my brother who stores my big old fashioned quilt frame in his attic…in fairness it’s in pieces and way under the eaves so not in the way.).  Hopefully I will be quilting by next week this time!

I was super productive.  I also did our taxes..both of ours (married filing separately).  I did the normal things around the house…clothes laundry, straightening the house, fresh sheets on the bed, etc!  

It was a productive weekend!

Special Thanks

I would like to thank everyone that has been so supportive of me as I work through in words my emotions dealing with the negativity in my life.   You don’t know how much your words have meant to me.  I am touched by your kindness and support.  

Moving Forward

I am still working on training a group of new hires at work this upcoming week.  Training wears me out as I give my all each minute of the day with them.  But I do enjoy it!  (And it is a nice break from the normal routine.). As I said earlier, I have my food listed in my food tracker for the day today before I even eat.  I know I will most likely have to go back and tweak as I actually go through the day and eat my meals.  But I feel empowered and plan to continue this whole week!  I need to get this weight to start dropping.  I have a goal of 50 pounds by the time I’m 50. I was doing well at the beginning of January but then relapsed so I am showing no loss for 2022 yet.  That’s ok.  I’m hot on the trail now!!!   I also continue to ride the exercise bike daily.  I have miles that I need to achieve for my 2022 miles in 2022.    In the meantime….every step I take is toward making me a better person!

Beating my Head Against the Wall

​How many times will I try to get successful results from something that I have time and time again proven to not work?   I’m doing it again!  I’m trying a method of weight loss that I KNOW doesn’t work for me!   And I am so frustrated.  Why do I do it to myself??  

So what am I doing?  I am eating about 1600 calories and expecting to lose weight.   I know…I know.  1600 calories SHOULD by the actual numbers be a great goal for eating.  However, time and time again I have experimented and each time I come to the conclusion that it doesn’t work for me.  I am LUCKY if I maintain at that level of calorie intake. Yet I try It.  Over and over I try!   When will I learn and just accept?

I know that my profile on myfitness pal was reset a while back and my goal is 1500…but I am going to go back online and fix that….I would rather see the 1200 or 1300 ad my goal and be over budget  at the end of the day versus seeing the 1500-1600 as my goal and see that I am right on budget or every under budget at the end of the day.  Why?  Because if I am aiming for the lower calories and I end up over budget I will not be expecting to lose weight!  It may happen…but I won’t be expecting it!    When I am under budget with the higher calorie limit it is human nature to expect a loss and it is very disheartening to then not lose!!!  

I am still struggling with the emotions of my own personal revelations about the long term negativity that I have been dealing with it.   Basically, I have heard the negativity for years but it has just become part of the fabric of my life.  But the wedding dress comment (your butt looked fat in your wedding dress) just has played through my mind constantly in the four months the since I got married. (Yup…it’s been a bit more thanfour months since we got married.). I have replayed that comment many times in my head.  In the meantime,  I started a new quilt.

The new quilt is coming along.  The negativity wasn’t immediate…I got a compliment about how beautiful the quilt was turning out.  However the next words were ‘I sure hope you are doing it right…your stuff tends to fall apart’?   What?   We sometimes sleep under a quilt that I made 30 years ago….that doesn’t sound like it fell apart to me?  It’s a quilt that I drag around …..literally drag around…it goes on vacation with us as I remove the comforters on hotel beds and use my own quilt….they don’t wash those hotel comforters every use!). This quilt is used and used hard.  But my stuff falls apart?   And there have been multiple snide remarks about my quilt.  And those comments…I think of them all the time when I’m working on this quilt…second guessing myself.  Worrying that for some reason this quilt will fall apart.  It totally undermined any ounce of self confidence I had about it.  So two comments that stayed in my mind for a long time (never ending).    And once those comments were stuck in my head it opened my memory and my awareness to what really happens.  So I still am struggling with those emotions.

But I move forward.  Processing the information…the comments…the events in life.  Life throws negativity at you.  Life throws moments when we keep doing the same old thing and expect different results. (ie my calorie counting).   How I respond and react is what makes me awesome, mediocre or a slug of a human being.  I want to be awesome.  So fixing issues and rising above is my goal!

Enough is Enough

​The last week had been a crazy one for sure!  I’ve learned a few things (or rather learning) about myself and really opening my eyes and seeing maybe why I am the way I am.  I’ve been busy and stressed out at work. And my weight…oh my weight loss efforts.  Enough is enough.  It is time to draw the proverbial line in the sand.  I have got to fix my weight issues and I have got to stop dithering and giving half efforts!    

A stressful Work Week

Wow.  Just wow.   Work has been so insane lately.  A lot of micromanaging that doesn’t help the situation.  A lot of negativity reigned down upon us.  And just really busy.   And yes, my coworkers are feeling the same angst and stress, which does make my burden a bit easier.  (Misery loves company.). At least I know it’s not just me they are singling out.  It’s the whole group of us that do this one aspect of work on our team.   And let’s just say that it’s bad. 

This upcoming week or so should be a bit better for me.  I will be working with training some new people for our team.  So I will be removed from a lot of the petty bull that is happening.   And of course I really enjoy training.  (Which is no surprise to anyone that knows me!)

Negativity

In the last months I’ve been starting to realize that there is a force of negativity in my life that directly affects me and who I am.  Comments made that are hurtful.  Example, ‘the dress you got married in makes your butt look fat’…who says that to a happy bride?  Just this week I started to think back and realize that it’s been going on for a long time.  I confirmed that last night by going back and reading some excerpts from old journals.  Yes, I have close to 20 journals in storage.  When I was younger there were some gaps in years…but I have sporadic journals from back as far as third grade and I started to journal more consistently when I was about 13 years old.   As I read bits and pieces of these journals I was clearly able to see the pattern of behavior for many years.  (Which made Jason feel better as he apparently had worried that his presence in my life had created the issue…but no it was an issue from long before his presence.)

So yes…journals galore.   I pulled them out and read some last night. Jason and I had fun laughing at some of the entries I made from very early in our relationship.  I then had fun teasing him and reading about the mixed messages he was giving me about marriage for years!  One week commenting about how he was all in with marriage but the next week against marriage due to previous experiences…..I can laugh now but back then it was a seee-saw!  (And ultimately I decided that I would rather have the man…even if it didn’t come with a ring because it came with lots and lots of love!  And what do you know…it came with the ring anyway!)

Married Life 

Married life treats me well.   I make it through my work days because I know that come 5 or 5:30 when Jason gets home that I’ll get a kiss and hug that will make my world all ok again!

We are excited about getting a house and moving.  Sure there is a lot more responsibility with home ownership….but there are a lot more rewards….not just financially.  More space.  Things exactly how WE want and not how someone else wants. Space to actually can..yes my kitchen is so small that canning and preserving food would be possible, but difficult. And where would I store my preserved items.  Just no space! Oh and to have a garden and all that fresh produce to eat!  Did I mention more space?

I have been having so much fun writing letters to Jason’s four year old niece.  Ok, maybe not ‘me’ writing….kiwi our bird writes to her!  Hahaha. It is fun to share our life with her written from the eyes of a parrot.  (She lives about 4 hours away and we don’t see them often).  It has been one of my great pleasures recently…and I find myself planning throughout the week/weeks and taking pictures just for her letters.  Such as the ‘kiwi for your letter’ picture.

Weight Loss

Ok so I titled this section weight loss.  Maybe I should have added the word what and a question mark to make it ‘what what loss?’.  No weight lost here.   And I can’t blame anything but myself.  I haven’t been committed.  I have gotten in my miles and ridden the exercise bike.  But I haven’t really put forth much (any) effort to lose weight and let’s be honest…it takes effort!

But enough is enough.  I’m tired of being fat and the only way to change it is to be serious.   A few months back I did a 12 week challenge and had some success.  I like the shorter goals and terms.  It seems more doable.  I liked that challenge and it worked.  I like the exercise portion but that is what burned me out…getting in my miles plus the exercises for the challenge. I was doing it all on my breaks and lunch at work which was difficult.   So I am going to do a similar version. Focusing mostly on the food and water aspect.  (All the while continuing my 2022 challenge of course). For me the biggest issue right now is calorie and water intake!   I need to fix that…and I need to do it now!  So I am just going to focus on one week at a time.  Calories and water this week.  That’s my goal for this week.  Calories in check…1400 calories or thereabouts (simply because I know my body responds at that level…years of watching have taught me that). And at least 64 ounces of water each day.   That is the goal for this upcoming week. I need to get this ship turning in the right direction!

Like I said….enough is enough!

I want

​I want so much.  I have such grand ideas…but sometimes it just doesn’t happen.  But that doesn’t mean that I don’t want it.  I still desperately want to lose weight.  And it is so weird to want something so badly but yet find myself shoveling food into my mouth like a crazed woman.    That is where I am at.  I want more for my life than a job that is honestly just a job…8 hours of being someone’s slave.  I want, but it always seems as if I come up lacking.

The job situation

Work has continued to be stressful. The job itself is stressful but the management is making it near unbearable.  There is so much micromanaging it is ridiculous.  I wrote out a long vent paragraph, but have always tried to be responsible with what I post…so I got rid of it.  Just know that I am quite unhappy.   I basically wish my weeks away…come on Friday evening!  I feel the depression settle in each Sunday…Sunday morning just a twinge…but growing more steadily throughout the day until Sunday evening when the dread is back full force.  That is no way to live.

2022 miles in 2022

My mileage challenge is going well.  I finished the month of January with some extra miles ‘in the bank’.  Yes, I am ahead of where I need to be in order to get my yearly miles. I consistently ride the exercise bike and we continue to walk every evening after work.  

Happy with my decision

I remain happy and content with my decision to stop posting on YouTube.  I miss the encouragement and some of the people that I follow.  But when I think about turning on my computer to watch…we’ll it just doesn’t happen.  I just can’t eat to do it…The freedom form the work involved in the YouTube channel just keeps me from even having the energy to turn on the computer.  I am bothered abbot about my phone though.  I have tried a few times to reply to comments on this site and to comment on other peoples blogs and my phone won’t let me comment!  I clear my cookies and clean the cache but seriously…it doesn’t work!   Grrrrrr!  Just know that I am reading your posts and comments!  (Remember what I said earlier about not even turning the computer on)

Weight

Ahhh the big weight loss section.  Here it is.   So my 50 in 50 pound challenge.  The challenge to lose 50 pounds in the year that I turn 50 (this year). I started January strong with 5 pounds…and since then yo-yoed. I have some days maintained that 5 pound loss and other days I throw up my hands and say well apparently I haven’t lost a single thing in this new year.   

I know that it is 100% my effort that is lacking.  I can’t even dare say that I’m eating completely right.  I’m tracking?  What’s that!     (I have managed to stop eating the constant stream of apple dumplings though.  I eat one the first day I make them and then no more…so about one dumpling a week.).   How is it possible to want something so bad but have seemingly no control over my efforts to obtain it.   And yes…I know I ultimately have the control….but I’m struggling with grabbing and maintaining the control. 

So you can see…I want….but I’m lacking!    Even with the depressing  talk that has filled this post….I know that I am lucky.  I have a man that loves me just the way I am.  I have something that some people may never experience…and for that I am blessed!!!  I just need to figure out how to fix these other areas of my life!!!

The Struggle Bus

​I am seriously on the struggle bus when it comes to my weight loss efforts!   This weight loss journey is tough!   Life, continual apple dumplings and stress just pull me away and I am struggling!

Apple Dumplings and Weight Loss

Yes, I am still making apple dumplings.  My recipe is perfected, however I still find myself looking at other recipes to tweak it just a bit.   I was checking out a recipe that was left in my comments and as I was scrolling I saw a recipe for caramel apple dumplings.  Jason loves apple dumplings…and he loves caramel.  Would he love them together?   I’m not sure, but someday I may have to find out.  But for now I am happy in my perfected recipe.  I will post the recipe on here in a day or two.   I’m still working on making them ‘pretty’.  I’ve learned there is an art to apple dumplings and I’m working to perfect that art.  They look better each batch!

So why am I making apple dumplings when I am struggling?   Jason likes them.  Plain and simple.  Jason is asking for them.  Should he have to suffer just because I can’t control myself?  No!  Ok.  So Im usually pretty good with not indulging…I typically eat one the first night after I make a batch and then I let the rest for him.  So it’s not all that bad. I made them last night and tried to round it out with a lower calorie meal for dinner.  Not perfect…but I still consider it a win to know that I’m not eating them every night!

The Stress is Building

Weight loss and stress just don’t mix.  Work has been absolutely crazy.  Nuts!  I’m pulled in a gazillion different directions and made to feel as if nothing I do is right. It is rough.  And that makes me want to run to the kitchen for every piece of comfort food that I can find!

Adding to the stress is the stress about this house buying venture.  I am a worrier and the thing that makes me worry the most is finances and stuff like that.   So you can just imagine what my stress levels are as we begin this process.  (Do not even mention the fact that they are saying that the interest rates are rising in March.  That just gives me cause to have hives….if my body were the type to respond to stress with hives that is!)

However, Jason and I have been praying so keep telling myself that it will all work out in the best possible way.

Eating and Weight Loss

Almost every morning this week I have set up my eating plan for the day.  I’ve gone into MyFitnessPal and entered my food that I am planning to eat that day.  I have been spot on!  For those five minutes….I do well while I’m at my desk in the morning.  But that is simply because there is no food in front of me.  But my plans have gone up in smoke each day when it comes time for lunch.  Lunch comes and that healthy lunch with lots of fruits and veggies that I planned just seems to unpalatable!  So I have eaten leftovers…a high calorie meal that we had on Monday of course.   I have managed to avoid the apple dumplings (except for last night when they were fresh and hot from the oven).  I have however had a few pieces of chocolate at night.  So it’s not typically my evenings that mess me up. It’s the leftovers for lunch that throw me over the line into eating poorly.

So what is my weight doing on the scales?  My weight did my normal weekend jump….and I have NOT seen it drop this week.   Sooo…if the scales hold true I have possibly just managed to erase every ounce of weight loss that I achieved the first few weeks of this year!  How depressing is that?  

Apple dumplings, stress and weight loss journey may not seem to go hand in hand…but those things are what makes up life.  (Or things that are very similar).   To have a life long  success at this thing called a weight loss and a healthy weight I HAVE to learn how to manage.  I know it can be done!  It’s a new day…I will be putting my food into MyFitnessPal here shortly…and today I’m vowing to stick to my plan!!!

quilting like crazy

​I have been a busy gal lately.  I’m trying to slow down a bit and I’m trying to put things in their proper order…but man life gets to flying by so fast!

Quilting

So technically I’m not actually quilting yet.  I am working on piecing a quilt top.  I like extra big blankets and quilts so I have sized this one to be king sized.   I am also hand sewing it.  Yes, I said hand sewing.  You know…needle and thread in my hand.  It has been fun and surprisingly easier to handle and do.  I can sit on the couch whilst watching tv and sew….I’ve worked on it when we were in the car waiting for kiwi while he was in with the veterinarian (no worries it was just his normal yearly check up….and he got a clean bill of health!). I can move it around with me.  Wanna be in a different room…let me just bring my quilt basket with me!   I estimate that I’ll be finished putting the top together in mid to late February and then I’ll be working on quilting.  That will be more difficult to cart with me..ok near impossible as the quilting frame I’ll be using is portable but still unwieldy.   But no matter.  I am enjoying the process. Here is a picture of what I have been working on and it will give an idea of what the quilt looks like.

2022 miles in 2022

I am hot on the trail of my yearly mile goals.  I was ahead of the game by a few miles and building on my bank of extra miles…but on Friday I felt horrible.  My headache was terrible and riding the bike was the last thing I wanted to do.  So I used some of my banked miles. But that’s ok…that’s why I bank them!  So I am doing really well with that!   5.5 miles a day isn’t really that difficult to get…not on an exercise bike!  I have been trying on week days to get about 8-10.  Weekends have been cold and icky so I haven’t been getting many miles on weekends…but the weather will turn and I’ll start getting weekend miles on the weekends which will allow me to bank even more miles!

Apple Dumplings

It came to my attention that while apple dumplings are a favorite of Jason’s that I had never made them.  Never ever ever in my life.  So I researched recipes…and I have been experimenting.  I’ve tweaked and played and I think I have the perfect recipe…now just to continue to play to find the perfect way to make them so that they are actually pretty.   

So there have been a few batches of apple dumplings made….and my oh my are they delicious!  Not the best thing for a gal trying to lose weight though!

50 in 50

So with the thought of apple dumplings how am I doing on my weight loss efforts?  Or more specifically,  how am I doing with my mission to lose 50 pounds in the year that I turn  50 years old (this year).  Well, I somehow pulled out a loss last week.  For the official weigh in I lost and that brings my official loss to 5.8 pounds for the year 2022.  So I am on track to lose the weight…my goal was an average of one pound a week.  But there is a problem.

The problem…my weekends have been off the hook with eating and desserts.  So I am in that cycle of gain all week and then spend the week trying to lose enough to at least clock a maintain.   This is NOT a good cycle!  This is not a healthy cycle!   This is very much self sabotage!   I need to get this under control!   I know that I won’t be totally successful until I stop this cycle!   I must get back to counting and tracking calories on the weekend and being strict with my ONE dessert per weekend/week rule!

So that’s the skinny on where I’m at…quilting, baking (which I love to do), riding the exercise bike and living life!

MIA

​So apparently I have been MIA for a while.  Almost 10 days with no update.   So let’s catch things up!

As I left it at my last post, I lost 5.4 pounds the first week of the year.   I followed that up with a lackadaisical week.  There was no tracking.  I kinda ate what I wanted.  Still halfway in control.   And I gained 0.4 pounds.  So a bit less than a half of a pound. 

I vowed to clean it up.  I swore up one side and down the other that I was going to do better.  And I did do…better. I tracked a little bit more.  But my water was…well I drank some!  But yeah, no where near enough.   So here I sit on the Eve of my official weigh in and just hoping to pull out a maintain.  

But that isn’t what is really floating through my head.   We are currently working on getting pre approved to buy a house.  Yup…marriage in October and now we are looking to buy a house.  I am super excited about being in my own place….and somewhere that has more space (we outgrew our apartment!).  But I absolutely dread packing and moving.  So I sit here and I have been looking at the dead weight of belongings in my life and seeing what can go to the garbage.   I have hard copies of all of my writing…keep or pitch?  I mean, I haven’t looked at the hard copies in years!  And I have them on a hard drive!  (There may be one or two things that is hand written from long long ago…but I could retype them onto my computer…scan them also just for the memory).  I have tons of dollhouses and accessories (5 dollhouses to be exact). Keep?  Well yeah, I’m keeping those.  Although admittedly I’ve thought about paring down dollhouses also!  But I’m looking at belongings and thinking about what is important.  

When I started to look at my belongings I started to think about actions and things in life that might be weighing me down.   I have kept this blog for 16 years!   (Oh my word, I think I missed my blogiversary on January 6!!).   I have no intention of letting this fall by the wayside.  This is my true cathartic place to be.  The act of writing has always been cathartic for me.  But….I think I may be paring back on my YouTube channel.  I enjoy my travel and exploration videos…but the constant pressure to put out videos is difficult.  As is the constant pressure to share my weight loss efforts on there.   Plus…let’s be honest.  I work from home.  I wear my comfy ripped up teeshirt to work…with my ratty sweatpants!   And I’m filming myself?   It bothers me.  Sooo….my YouTube isn’t going away.  It will just be when I feel like it.   I want to go back to the basics of what I truly enjoy…photography…writing. Being me.  Will I be posting about my weight loss there… maybe maybe not.  Will I be posting travel and exploration.  Maybe…maybe not.   When  we go exploring…I want my focus to be on the experience and NOT the video!   Photography fills that for me.    I’m not on here to get a gazillion readers…I wasn’t on YouTube to get a bunch of views.  I was just out there working on me putting my thoughts and emotions out there in order to make me a better person and make me happy.  And for me…right now…that means stepping back and cutting dead weight…so those hard copiesof old writing…gone!   The gazillion YouTube videos posted each month…gone.  It’s time to focus on what makes me happy and healthy!

My goals will still remain the same.  I am still pushing for 2022 miles in the year 2022!  I am still planning on working to lose 1 pound each week to lose 50 pounds in this year, the year I turn 50.  But I’ll be posting it here….more regularly as it will be my main source of accountability.  And if you have managed to stick with me through this long post and through the months of sporadic posting….thank you!

hold onto your socks!!!!

​hold onto your socks, I lost 5.4 pounds the first week of the year!   Woohoo!  I’ll take it, even if I know that it is water retention that I have most likely dropped!

The weekend following my weigh in…I did pretty good! I got my water drinking in.  My calories were under control and I seemed to maintain.  I feel as if I did. Pretty good.  My weight was up this morning, but I was up with a stomach ache in the night and have felt rough all day with a stomach ache so I’m not going to worry about todays weigh in….it’s unofficial anyway!  Yes, I still weigh daily but my official weigh in is Friday.

Whew…this is a short one.  There isn’t much to say.  The weekend was cold…rainy…icky!   We ran some errands and I went to visit a scarlet macaw that I fell in love with.  He is at a pet store and has some behavior problems and is way to high priced. But I fell in love!   So I visit!  

But that’s about all we did …errands and relax!

Happy New Year!!

​The new year is here!   2022.  I have ideas and plans and goals for this year. I’m sitting here a bit disappointed with how I ended 2021, scared at the enormity of challenges and changes for 2022 but yet excited at the same time!  So much happening (hopefully).

Disappointing End to 2021

I am ashamed to admit that I ended 2021 with a very bad mentality. I adopted the mentality that ‘January first is when I am starting’ and I went absolutely nuts with my eating. Cake?  Why yes, I’ll have a huge piece!    Candy? Of course!   Eating a candy bar at 9:30 AM, don’t mind if I do! (Yes…twice in the week leading up to the new year!). It was a free for all!   Seriously, I didn’t even step on the scale during the last two weeks of the year.  I pretty much gave up on my birthday weekend and throughout the following two weeks….until this morning, January 1.   I woke up and stepped on the scales this morning…because it’s the new year after all!  I was appalled!  7 pounds up from where I was at my birthday and 10 pounds from where I was at Thanksgiving!   What?????   How disappointing….even though I will admit that I deserve each and every one of those pounds (although I’m hoping some of that will drop quickly with proper water consumption and hydration!)

Hopes and dreams for 2022 (non weight related)

I have lots of hopes and dreams for the year 2022. We hope and dream of buying a house!  We are starting the process and hope and pray that we can make that transition this year. 

We are also hoping and dreaming of having Jason go off on his own in terms of work and work for himself in 2022.   So possibly a business starting.  (Appliance repair if you are interested in knowing what type of business).

Of course we dream of a fabulous vacation….we have a few places in mind.  Not sure what will pan out though.  We also hope to get back to New River Gorge, there are more trails to explore!

Weight loss for 2022

I am turning  50 years old in 2022.  So I have set a goal of losing 50 pounds in 2022.  50 by 50!   I would be tickled if it were more…which would put me very close to my projected goal weight.  But I’m aiming for 50….Roughly one pound a week.  Yeah I know…there are 52 weeks in a year…but 52 by 50 just doesn’t sound right!  

I am embarking upon another mile challenge for the year. I am aiming for 2022 miles for this year.  Loosely  speaking, that is  6 pounds a day.  I finished it up by mid September last year.  Let’s see what I do this year!  

I am hoping and thinking about going back to a more ‘meatless’ existence.  Not exactly vegetarian.   But just less meat!   I have been trying to incorporate more meatless meals back into my daily life.  I ate very little meat for quite a few years and was quite happy with it.  But then I started eating meat and well…I’m just not convinced that it is healthy for me!   Sooo.  That will be a shift!

So lots of changes.  Lots of plans.  Lots of dreams.  It is January first, now is the time to reach for those goals and dreams!  Let’s do it!  This is my year!!!!

I’m Alive

​I’m alive!  Really, I didn’t die…or spend any time  in the hospital…or cut off my fingers disallowing me to type.  I have just been plain…well I don’t want to say lazy, but I just haven’t been posting.  Don’t get my wrong, I think about it…..in the depths of the night when all is quiet and I can’t sleep.  But when I wake up I’m going going going and it just doesn’t happen.  I promise to be better!   So let’s catch up a bit…and then I’ll talk about my weight loss efforts this month. 

December Museums and Fun

December was a busy month.   I had the normal work obligations but I did have some time off and we stayed busy on the weekends!

On the first weekend of the month we went to a Rural Heritage Museum and while I thought I would only be there for an hour, we spent 4 hours there.  

The next weekend was my birthday.   We had a few days off.  I did some errands on one day (yup…my name is officially changed in the most important places now).  And we went to Lancaster County, PA for a wee little getaway.   We hit some of the normal places but also did the Landis Valley Museum for a few hours.

The next weekend we celebrated Christmas with Jason’s parents on one day and on the other weekend day we roamed a bit locally and just enjoyed the sites.

The next weekend was Christmas (this last weekend).  and I had another four day weekend.  It was just as busy.  I spent a day with my mom.   Jason and I spend Christmas Eve together.  We roamed during the day and did our private celebration and gift exchange that evening.  Of course the pets got gifts too!

Christmas Day we went to my mom’s house.  We got there early to help prepare Christmas dinner/lunch.   And we got home that evening exhausted.    Sunday was spent relaxing and trying to not think about going back to work!   We went to the canal and walked for a few hours. The weather was delightful!!!

So we have stayed busy.    My ‘down time’ has been spent working on a new quilt.   Yes…I started a new quilt.  I started it on Black Friday.     It will be a version of a ‘grandmothers flower garden’.  I have the ‘flowers’ all made.  100 of them…and each one is hand sewn and takes about an hour.  (So now you know where my time has gone).    On Christmas Eve I laid all 100 on the floor and  arranged them in the order that they will be sewn together. (I didn’t want all my pink flowers in one corner…or all my orange fabrics clumped together elsewhere).   Now I am working on adding the white pieces between each ‘flower’ and putting it together.  

So you can see we have been busy!

Weight Loss

But what about my weight loss efforts?   Maybe I should say my weight loss NON-EFFORTS!  Yes, you read that right.  I’ve struggled and I kinda gave up.

I’m terms of my addiction.  I actually haven’t been doing to badly with that.  My mindset is in a better place! However, I have been struggling since vacation in October. I have been barely hanging on.  My birthday weekend  this mont followed by holidays was a combination that was not good.   I didn’t track anything and didn’t even think about calorie intake!   And yes there was cake…and apple dumplings…and pie….well you get the point.

So I am sitting on a weight gain!  Embarrassing.  But I’m determined to turn this around….and I have some plans formulating in my head.  One of which is that I am planning on doing another mile challenge in 2022.  It was fabulous for me in 2021.  I saw how my legs grew stronger..not just for biking but also in my hiking abilities.  So that is in the works (gonna officially sign up today).   Secondly, I will be switching to my new day planner at the end of this week and it has a section for habit tracking.   So I will be tracking my daily habits.   Right now I will be focusing on a few things:

1.  Tracking my food

2.  Calories 1400 or lower

3.  Exercise at least 5 days a week

4.  Step count…aiming right now for 5k but hope to up that

5. 64 ounces water bare minimum!

It really will be a back to the basics plan.    I KNOW that the basics work for me.  I just need to focus on them.  I am setting a weight loss goal also.  I am aiming to lose 1 pound a week.  That is a doable goal.   And since I am sitting at roughly 250 pounds, that will put me at 200 pounds by this time next year.   Sure, I would love to be at goal by this time next year. But slow and steady will work.  I would rather have a doable goal versus a goal that will bring me to failure!  So one pound a week it is!    Hmm…maybe I will just make it a simple 50 pounds for next year.  50 pounds in honor of my 2022 50th birthday!!  

I’m technically not waiting until the new year to start.  I am working today to make some changes.  Gearing up so to speak!   Starting to build those habits!!!

So here I am.  Alive and well.  Fatter and more miserable with my weight, but ready to make changes!  Now is the time!!

Addiction

It’s been a while since I wrote here.   I wish that I could say that my absence is due to the busy holiday season and no time.   And while it had been busy…and time has been crunched, that is not the reason.  I’ve been slipping in my weight loss journey.   You see, I’m an addict.  I have a serious food addiction and it has been slowly slipping out of control.

I had talked about food addictions for a while, but it wasn’t until one  Incident in 2007 that I was able to clearly see and understand the impetus behind my eating.     It all centered around a visit to a restaurant where I was usually able to eat relatively healthily.  But on that visit I chose to have a small piece of cake.  When I say small, I really mean small!  It was literally a one inch square.   I carried that morsel back to my table like it was a pot of gold.  I slipped that first bite into my mouth and I swear, I heard the angels sing!  It was pure heaven! I wanted more of that feeling!  I ate another bite..and another.   Soon that small piece of cake was gone.  But the angels had sang and I wanted to hear them again!  I went back for more cake and then pudding and pie and other desserts off that dessert bar.  I did it all in a futile effort to make the angels sing again.  Of course they didn’t sing…because through that 2007 incident I realized that The angels singing only happens on that first bite or two.  It’s the first bite of bliss that I am addicted too.  I know that…yet I keep eating to try to obtain that feeling.

I was doing really good before vacation.   I was slowly losing…and maintaining my weight on the weeks I didn’t lose.  But when I came back I began to struggle.  The best way to describe it is that the vacation opened the doors.  The food addiction angels had sang on my Vacation/honeymoon.   Getting back on track was difficult because I was chasing that food addiction.  

Ohh, I didn’t go totally off the rails at first.  I was half heartedly fighting it.  I was still sorta tracking.  I was still trying here and there.  But each day; my weak hold over my addiction wavered and slipped further and further out of my grasp.  I was never eating crazily.  I was just starting to look more toward the foods that I suspected (ok KNOW) would have a higher chance of giving me my food bliss/food high and thus make those angels sing.  This was all done subconsciously but regardless, it was a very tenuous hold over this addiction.  Thanksgiving weekend threw me over the edge into full addiction mode.  

I’m writing here and now that I am vowing to push this aside, to tamp these behaviors down and to regain control.  I wrote this on a Thursday morning…I’m not waiting until Monday.  Next week we have some time off work for my birthday.  Im not waiting until after that.  Now is the time.  

I don’t rightly know how.  Each morning this week I have vowed to keep it under control but then I find myself eating granola bars, macaroni and cheese (I got rid of the last of the leftovers so they wont tempt me today), chocolate chips, etc.   My hope is that the difference is that overnight  I actually realized that the addiction is out control again and needs to be stopped.

I spend time in prayer each day.  Up until recently part of my prayers was ‘to lose weight’.   Naturally this week I switched those prayers to ‘control over my food intake’.  (Which is what made me realize that the addiction was back).  It’s time for the battle to take place…and this battle is NOT in the kitchen…it’s in my head.

I’m stepping away from the clean intermittent fasting and going back to what I did for the last year.    Early morning I’m making my flavored/vitamin water.  Breakfast most likely won’t happen, simply because I don’t like to eat that early.  But it’s not taboo right now. Making it taboo only makes me want it more and/or makes me eat more at lunch.  I’ll revisit the clean fast after I get this addiction back in its box, contained and under control.

Whew….what a downer post.  But one I needed to write!

I'm slacking!

 Ok, I am really slacking!  I could have sworn that I wrote this post....I'm telling you. I wrote it!  Ok, maybe I wrote it in my head.  But I just came online and was shocked to see it not here! I'm telling you.....

So about a week or so ago I had two things happen or rather brought to my attention that relate to my life and my healthy journey.  They are doctors advice to lose weight and setting goals.

The first is doctors advice.  I follow a channel on youtube. It is a guy and his wife is in the background and they banter back and forth.  We never see the wife.  HOWEVER, about a week ago we saw the wife in a very serious video.  She is roughly my age (48) and she was out grocery shopping and felt pain.  She had a suspected heart attack.  She spent 4 days in the hospital and they are still running tests to find out what is happening.   Their video was her story but very heavily into giving warning signs and advising people (women in particular) of heart issues. Women have different symptoms than men apparently....and women also at are higher risk when their estrogen is fluctuating wildly through perimenopause.  I watched the video and I was like "dude...just another reason to get my weight under control".  

But that still didn't spark me.  A few nights later I was just feeling really really dizzy.  I mentioned it to Jason and also mentioned that it had happened another evening (and I had a brief period of it since then for a third night).  We immediately checked my blood pressure and a few other things, and everything was normal.  But as I sat there worrying I was thinking, "My doctor is flat out going to have to put me on a different diet and whatnot in order to 'save my life"   Dramatic?   Yes.....very much so!  But this came right after that video that I watched!  But thinking that really made me think.......why am I not changing my diet NOW.  Why am I waiting under a doctor tells me that I have to change or I will die?

The other thing...the goal.  Someone, oddly enough the same person from the channel that posted that video that I mentioned earlier, commented on one of my videos.  They were saying "set goals".    I have resisted setting a weight loss goal.  I have set them in the past. I set goals like "I will lose 25 pounds by the time I get married"  (Yup...remember the 12 week challenge?? from this fall?)  I've done those challenges to myself many time!  And typically I start to slip up and as soon as I realize that I have no chance of making that goal, I feel like a failure and I give up.  Yup, that's what I do!   I give up and typically gain!     But I started to think.  I am not going to set any long term goal.  I am not going to say "MaryFran, you can be at your goal weight by such and such date!"  No!  I am setting a goal of 1 pound a week.  If I fail for that WEEK than I have the next week to try again!  

So those are my deep thoughts!  I have been doing ok with my weight loss efforts.  I've had a few things slip in (Reece's cups.......darn them!)  I have been able to maintain the clean fast for my intermittent fasting.  I've been consistently fasting about 16-17 hours each day. I've talked about pushing it longer, but right now I'm hungry when that 16-17 hour mark comes around.  So I'm just sitting back and relaxing with this for a while.  I don't want to be ravenous when I break my fast, because I know what I will do (or rather what I am capable of eating)!   So right now I'm just sitting right here at that 16 hour fast each day!   

best laid plans

I was sure that this week was going to go as planned.   I was going to fast for 19 hours and have a five hour eating window.  I was going to exercise and ride that bike for at least 30 minutes each day.  It was non negotiable in my mind!

Except, well….I guess it was negotiable!

I did NOT fast for 19 hours a day. 

I did NOT ride that exercise bike.

I am disappointed with myself. But I am going to focus on what I did do.

I DID do a clean fast for about 17.5 hours each day.   

I DID walk after work each day.

I DID track my food and keep it close to 1400-1500 (or less). calories each day.

my Week may not have gone as planned.  But I did make good positive steps.

A new Week

 My weight is NOT going down.  I'm still on the struggle bus.   I am kinda just floundering! I ate too much each weekend day. 

Ok, now that I got that first statement out of the way, lets talk about some of my thoughts and plans.  Good old fashioned bullet style entry.

* My weekend eating was a bit higher than I would have desired.  I at between 1800 and 2000 calories each day.  Not utterly horrible, but definitely something that I need to fix.

* Last week I finished a book called Fast Feast Repeat.  It talked more about the proper way to fast and different variations.   It opened my eyes and really went well with the book that I recently read that made me think more about my plan and what I need to be doing.   I haven't been REALLY fasting since I have been drinking my flavored waters in the morning.  I made a decision to really fast......do a CLEAN fast.  Only water during my fasting hours! 

*  I had in the past been doing a 16:8 intermittent fast.  To explain what that is, I basically was fasting (or I thought I was fasting) for 16 hours and then I was allowing myself to eat within an 8 hour window.    It was a natural switch for me.  HOwever, after reading about the fast, I am wanting to go more toward an OMAD fast.  I'm not quite ready to go that far.  BUT, This week I am going to try a 19:5 fast.  So I will fast for 19 hours.  Basically, I will eat a light lunch/snack at my last break during my work day, then eat dinner like normal (which for us is around 7PM).  

* By eating on my last break versus my lunch break, I will have the lunch break hour free to ride the exercise bike.  No excuses!

*  I will continue tracking my food.  I can still do a lot of damage in 5 hours.  So tracking will continue.  At least for the foreseeable future.  The books all say that you don't need to track with intermittent fasting and the books even go on to talk about how your body will adjust and you will be able to eat more intuitively and mindfully.  I sure hope so!  That would be amazing!

* I am not yet sure how I will handle fasting on the weekends.  I know people do fast and still hike and whatnot, but I am not yet sure.  I may use my weekends and drop it back to a 16:8 plan.  We shall see. That is up in the air.  I've got a few days until the weekend rolls around where I have to have my plan in place!

SO there you have it.  The news that my weight loss journey is stalled and my thoughts and plans for this week to unstick it!  :-)

Vegetable Soup

 We were obviously needing healthy foods.  Our bodies were screaming for it.  It was obvious when we went grocery shopping.  Our unplanned purchases were all either fruit or vegetables.    We were craving healthy foods and we listened.   We planned to make a big pot of vegetable soup and boy was it delicious!

Vegetable Soup  

For a printable copy click here. 

1 lb Beef -Either a roast or stew meat (If it is stew meat just make sure to cook it slow and long for  lb tenderness of your meat)  

1 lrg can Diced Tomataoes (Italian seasoned)

6-8 potatoes, peeled and diced 

4-8 cups of Beef Broth

3 pounds frozen vegetables 

Salt and Pepper to taste

1.  Cook the beef until tender.   Cut the beef into bite sized pieces.   

2. In large pan (or crockpot) place beef, potatoes, tomatoes and frozen vegetables, salt and pepper.  Add beef broth until broth covers vegetables.  You will want the broth to be a half inch to an inch above the vegetables.  Adjust the amount of broth according to the amount of vegetables that were added and to your individual preferences.

3.  Cook on med-high for 45 minutes on the stove (in crockpot, cook for 6 hours low)

4.  Serve and Enjoy

This soup hit the spot!  The weather has turned cooler and the vegetables were exactly what my body was demanding!   A win win!

For More Recipes click here. 

 

November Already

Seriously, where is time going?  How can it already be November!   Time is just rolling at one heck of a fast clip!   But here we are at the beginning of November!   The last week of October went by and before I knew it I was stepping back on the scales for my weigh in.  Another week in the books!

What did we do

My weigh in week started off with a weekend.  We were busy with errands on the weekend. And as usu enjoyed our weekend together.  We got a few Halloween decorations up and carved our pumpkins.

We did also get in a walk outside.  But it was a quiet relaxing weekend.   On the one day I totally crashed and ended up napping on the couch for like four hours. I guess my body really needed it!

Of course the weekend ended way to fast and the work week rushed in and life got back to crazy.  I am still working with some new agents and leading a training class….so my days are non stop.  Even my official ‘breaks’ are not really breaks as I am trying to catch up on emails and whatnot …things I can’t do when I am leading a training class.   The week seemed long to me for some reason….but there wasn’t anything horrible about it…just busy.   And like normal, I was ready for my Friday weigh in…because it meant that the weekend was upon us 

Living Healthy

Finally, after vowing to get back to being healthy habits after vacation I actually made some efforts.  It only took me two to three weeks!  (Which is actually shameful!)

I started by tracking my food.  My calories were NOT where I like and need them to be.   My calories were in the 1600 calorie range.  Which for me is either barely maintaining or slightly gaining.  So not exactly perfect…but my food was tracked!  I’m calling that a win!

As normal we walked every night after work (well except for the one stormy rainy night).  I also hopped back onto the exercise bike during my breaks on a few of my days.  To my shame I didn’t do it every day….but I did it three times…which is  better than none!  I also didn’t do my  10 miles that I was averaging before vacation. But I still rode.  With losing my breaks due to training, I call three days of shorter mileage a win!

So what happened on the scales?  Why I went up.  My weight popped up.  Some of that is due to the ‘mi that ick’ and that’s ok….but I can’t blame my weight entirely on that because I know my calories were a bit high! (For my body).

A new week for Weight Loss

I know that I wasn't entirely on track for weight loss this past week.  And that’s ok.  I am more proud of the fact that I started to take the small steps to reign myself in. Sooo, this week I am committed to expanding my efforts.  More miles on the exercise bike and lowering my calories to where they NEED to be so that I can get back to being a loser!

It all boils down to what do I really want.  If I want to be thin. If I want to be healthy, I need to take the steps to make myself healthy.  I can pray for it…I can talk about it…I can dream and lot and plan.  But if I don’t actually take the action to make it a reality, nothing will happen! If I want it badly enough, then I need to put in the effort!  This week is all about effort!!!!

Productive

I had a super productive week!   But…I didn’t set the world on fire with my weight loss efforts!

My productivity was out of this world.  I took care of my health insurance. I added Jason to this years policy…then took care of re-enrollment for next year (open enrollment period).  I ordered certified copies of our marriage certificate.  (Just got them in the mail, so I have to scan that and send that to my work so that they can see that Jason and I truly are married for the insurance).   I have started the process to change my name with social security. Once I get my new updated SS card I can move on to updating my drivers license.  (SS needs to be done and in the system for 48 hours before going to MVA).   I did all sorts of paperwork!  I also finally finished the crazy quilt top that I pieced last year! (I didn’t quilt this one)

I also then picked up a bin that I have been carting around for ohhhh…the last 25 years!   It has all the pieces cut for a double wedding ring quilt.   I had also started to piece it together.  But a double wedding ring pattern had lots of tiny pieces so it was slow going.  I pulled that out and I’ve been working on that.  I will be going through the whole process of hand quilting this one…so this is a LONG term project!

I also finished up and mailed my miniature dollhouse quilts that I made for a swap.  I honestly love making miniature quilts.  It just makes me happy.  (And it’s pretty quick going….I can usually finish one in a day or two…not the mo the of work in a full size quilt!)

So you can see how productive I was!  Crazy productive!  And I love that feeling!  But I failed at this week!

So let’s talk about what I didn’t do!

- I didn’t track one bite of food I ate!

- I didn’t ride the exercise bike even once!

Those two things are items that I know I need to do in order to be healthy and lose weight.  Yet I just ignored them!

I did try to cut down on my sweet treats!  I tried to get back to eating lots of veggies at lunch.   I tried to make sure I was eating a bit more nutritiously.  But overall, my efforts were lackluster and mostly missing!

it’s a new week….the perfect time to start over!!!