I drove a Hard Bargain With myself

I made myself a to do list for the weekend that was a little crazy!  It was long.  It had some LARGE tasks on it.  It had some smaller tasks. It was a full list! and I was determined to tackle it and finish everything. 

I am a list maker.  Making a to do list each weekend.  Sometimes it's just basic reminders of "go to Petco to pick up cat food'.  Sometimes it includes the basic items on my to do.  Things like "scrub the kitchen floor".  But this past week my list didn't juts include those basic things. Furthermore, my list was quite extensive.   What was on my list?  Projects!  I set up a HUGE to do list and I was determined to see it through!

If you remember, a few days ago I wrote about how I want to streamline my life.  I want to start to purge the unnecessary.  I want to whittle down my list of unfinished projects.  I want my life to be simple and less overwhelming.   So when I made my to do list, I placed some large projects unfinished projects on there.  Sure I placed some of the normal stuff that just comes up in life.  Things like backing up my files to my external hard drive.  But I also  I placed one of those big projects that was nearing completion that I could hopefully finish.  I also placed some that were large but still only midway through the process but I set my own goal of where I wanted to be at the end of the weekend. !   I honestly started the weekend thinking it would be fantastic if I finished everything.  Then midway through the weekend I altered my thoughts a bit because I was like, "There is no way I will get even half the stuff on my list done."   But then  somehow, I started crossing off one after another item on my do do list!  

The big project:   I took on the task of mom's recipes after she passed away.  Every recipe we found in her house I brought home and scanned into the computer.  I had completed almost everything a while back.  I literally had a wee bag of items...probably about 50 recipes.  They were stuff that was found in random places and not her tried and true stuff, so it kept getting pushed to the back burner.   I placed this task on my to do list for the weekend.  I knew that if I finished those last recipes that the project would be complete!    And guess what?   It is DONE!   I completed this big project!   

The second big project that was on the list was one that kinda goes hand in hands with organizing mom's recipes.  From the beginning of this project, I had the idea to put a small book together with some of her tried and true recipes.  I worked on that this weekend and made some great headway.  I actually got as far as I could with that and I am at a standstill for the time being.     

The third project?  A while back I started a writing project that I am calling Tales of the Scales. On the two do list was to sit down and re read what I have.  For me, while I do read books I tend to like to read over things like this (for more editorial purposes) on paper. So I printed it up. Reading it with a pen in hand was on my list of things to do.  This is the thing that I thought was not going to get done!  However, Jason didn't feel well on Sunday so we had a quiet afternoon at home.  I sat there with my pen in hand and read!  SO while the complete project isn't done, I completed that step of the project! On to the next step!

I also spent some time in my office, purging a bit.  I purged until the big garbage can outside was full.  I also organized.  It is once again, not a completion to the purge project.....but it is definitely a step in the right direction!

I also had on my task list to complete one more point of my my lone star quilt.   This is the only big task that I didn't manage to complete this past weekend!  I'm disappointed with myself for not completing it.  And I kicked myself a bit because I did play mindless games on my phone for about 20 minutes and I should have been working on that.  But seriously, 20 minutes wasn't going to complete it!

That is one HALF of ONE point of my lone star!  After the yellow it tapes back down through the colors until it's back to one blue piece. 
 

I was a project busting machine this week!

So lessons learned this weekend.  It's amazing how much I can get done if I set down that stinkin' phone and stop playing mindless games or mindless scrolling!     And secondly, really working and completing that one  big  task and all those smaller steps of other projects made me feel so much better.  I feel more in control.  Crossing off those things on my list was a real booster for my spirits!

So what is up next?   I have a to do list for the work week. Even though it is only Monday, I am already working on it and crossing thing off.  As the week progresses, I will certainly be creating my weekend to do list also!  One project down.........on to tackle the next one!

Beating my Head Against the Wall

​How many times will I try to get successful results from something that I have time and time again proven to not work?   I’m doing it again!  I’m trying a method of weight loss that I KNOW doesn’t work for me!   And I am so frustrated.  Why do I do it to myself??  

So what am I doing?  I am eating about 1600 calories and expecting to lose weight.   I know…I know.  1600 calories SHOULD by the actual numbers be a great goal for eating.  However, time and time again I have experimented and each time I come to the conclusion that it doesn’t work for me.  I am LUCKY if I maintain at that level of calorie intake. Yet I try It.  Over and over I try!   When will I learn and just accept?

I know that my profile on myfitness pal was reset a while back and my goal is 1500…but I am going to go back online and fix that….I would rather see the 1200 or 1300 ad my goal and be over budget  at the end of the day versus seeing the 1500-1600 as my goal and see that I am right on budget or every under budget at the end of the day.  Why?  Because if I am aiming for the lower calories and I end up over budget I will not be expecting to lose weight!  It may happen…but I won’t be expecting it!    When I am under budget with the higher calorie limit it is human nature to expect a loss and it is very disheartening to then not lose!!!  

I am still struggling with the emotions of my own personal revelations about the long term negativity that I have been dealing with it.   Basically, I have heard the negativity for years but it has just become part of the fabric of my life.  But the wedding dress comment (your butt looked fat in your wedding dress) just has played through my mind constantly in the four months the since I got married. (Yup…it’s been a bit more thanfour months since we got married.). I have replayed that comment many times in my head.  In the meantime,  I started a new quilt.

The new quilt is coming along.  The negativity wasn’t immediate…I got a compliment about how beautiful the quilt was turning out.  However the next words were ‘I sure hope you are doing it right…your stuff tends to fall apart’?   What?   We sometimes sleep under a quilt that I made 30 years ago….that doesn’t sound like it fell apart to me?  It’s a quilt that I drag around …..literally drag around…it goes on vacation with us as I remove the comforters on hotel beds and use my own quilt….they don’t wash those hotel comforters every use!). This quilt is used and used hard.  But my stuff falls apart?   And there have been multiple snide remarks about my quilt.  And those comments…I think of them all the time when I’m working on this quilt…second guessing myself.  Worrying that for some reason this quilt will fall apart.  It totally undermined any ounce of self confidence I had about it.  So two comments that stayed in my mind for a long time (never ending).    And once those comments were stuck in my head it opened my memory and my awareness to what really happens.  So I still am struggling with those emotions.

But I move forward.  Processing the information…the comments…the events in life.  Life throws negativity at you.  Life throws moments when we keep doing the same old thing and expect different results. (ie my calorie counting).   How I respond and react is what makes me awesome, mediocre or a slug of a human being.  I want to be awesome.  So fixing issues and rising above is my goal!