Smash the zone

Oh my what a weekend. I experienced quite a bit of success.  No measurable success, but definitely some events both in my eating and in my exercise that brought me peace, clarity and motivation.

First of all,  Happy Monday!   How did that sound?   Did I sound sufficiently positive?  Because when I woke up, the first thought was, why can’t it still be the weekend???    It wasn’t until my shower that I realized that it has been well over a year and a half since I’ve had a vacation.  Yeah, I’ve had a day off here and there, but a real vacation? Away from work and a sufficient time to recharge?  It’s been at least a year and half!   I didnt use my vacation at the bank last year...I knew I was switching jobs, and I chose to cash those days in for an extra paycheck. The money helped make the job switch with differing pay periods  a much easier transition.  But right now I’m second guessing that decision.   The good thing?  We are planning a vacation week!!  The bad thing?  We are talking October! 

This week my eating was pretty good. There was the night that I consciously made an effort to not eat a sweet treat. I actually didn’t missed it and did really good. That is my eating victory!  We were talking about the sweet treats, and we are in agreement that on weekdays that we will not be eating the sweet treats, that will be a weekend indulgence. So Thursday or Friday night I will be in the kitchen making and baking something fun. This will  actually work out well, because we are typically more active during the weekends so the extra calories will be burnt!  This is a good change for us. I did tell him that this was going to be a rough week going without any sweets in the evening… The sweet/sugar addiction is going to be screaming to be fed. I know we can do it and get past it though.

On Sunday it was rainy, but that was OK because we had my nephew’s birthday lunch to go to and we had to stop by Jason‘s parents for a quick visit also. We did hit up a geocache and enjoyed seeing this turtle that  We suspect was laying eggs.

We Got a nice bike ride in on Saturday. We saw some great big turtles sunning themselves.

And the deer were out drinking water and showing off their beauty for us.

During the ride, my legs felt strong.  That is how I know that the lunch and break walks  are doing me good. But, while getting out to exercise and ride my bike is a good thing, it is not the victory that I alluded to earlier. My victory came in the revelation that I had while I was riding and the fact that I enacted upon it. I have talked in the past about upgrading my bike this summer. There are certain aspects of mountain bike/trail riding that I will have to learn once I get my new bike. So I started to think about what I can do to be ready for this new bike. What skills can I learn? What aspects of riding do I need to work on to better myself. I have been thinking about this quite a bit lately. The conclusion that I came to was pretty much endurance endurance endurance. Basically get on the bike and ride. I need my legs to be strong as all get out so that when I get the bike I am ready to learn new skills. Yeah, there are a few little things that I can work on in the meantime, like handling the bike, a new cool way to mount my bike and other little things like that. But endurance is what I need. So we were out this weekend and I was riding putting miles on my legs and I started thinking about the endurance. Trail riding requires a lot of time out of the saddle. Sometimes it’s climbing and sometimes it is just easier for bike handling. (Yes I’ve been watching a lot of mountain bike videos with Jason.) Riding with endurance is important, but I need to get also get used to riding out of my saddle. I admittedly am a cruiser. I like to sit down on my bike and just cruise down the canal towpath. On the canal you don’t need to stand up, so I don’t. But on Saturday, I realized that I need to push myself and get out of the saddle.  It might be uncomfortable. It might hurt. I might not like it… At first. But I realized that if I want to improve, I need to push myself out of my comfort zone. Guess what? I didn’t stand the whole ride. But I started every half-mile or so I would stand up and do 10-15 rotations on my feet. Boy did my arthritis kicking in! Surprisingly my muscles were fine. And each time I did it I pushed myself for a couple extra rotation.  I was out of my comfort zone, but I know I was improving my body and my fitness.

And that my friend was my revelation. The greatest results come when we push ourselves out of our comfort zone. The comfort zone might be eating a dessert every night, and pushing yourself is breaking that habit. The comfort zone might be sitting in the saddle and peddling your bike and never standing up. The comfort zone might be sitting back in a state of obesity and never trying to better yourself. We all have comfort zone, but if we long for change and reformation, we have to smash those comfort zones and push ourselves further.   I took steps to smash the comfort zone..thatsounds like a pretty good victory to me… 

Tips to combat closet eating

Have you found yourself trying to hide the king size chocolate bar wrapper  from the candy bar you just ate in your car?  Do you find yourself rushing to the kitchen when you’re alone to gobble down copious amounts of chips or cookies when noone is looking?  If yes, then you may be a closet eater.  Closet eating is when someone eats normally or even scantily when in front of other people but when alone your eating is out of control.  This can happen out of embarrassment or guilt....but it doesn’t matter what the reason. It’s a negative behavior that  can derail your weight loss!

There is no magic pill or solution to avoid combat eating.  But with the following tips and techniques you can combat this unhealthy habit!

**Take care of the hunger so that You’re not even tempted to walk into the kitchen.   Identify the problem times and try to avoid being really hungry during that time period.  For me it has been the first few minutes when I get home from work.   I started packing an extra piece of fruit to eat in the car on the commute home.   

**Find an activity to do to help fill that void of time where the closet eating is likely to occur.  Pick up a hobby.   Instead of eating, if your hands and mind are both occupied with a different activity you will be less tempted to eat uncontrollably.  Hobbies?  Running, biking, fishing, crochet, scrapbooking, woodworking.   Anything that strikes your fancy!

**Don’t start!   Don’t even start with the ‘first bite’. One bite when alone usually leads to multiple bites until a full meal worth of calories of closet eaten food is eaten.  Avoid snacking  alone...period.

**Journal the closet eaten food! Tracking your food gives a level of accountability.   It somehow becomes real when you have to actually write/type it all down.

**Find an accountability partner. Find someone that you can be totally honest with and share your struggles.  Find someone that will build you up when you struggle but also give you tough love when you need it. 

** Most importantly, forgive yourself. You will struggle and have slip ups.  Don’t beat yourself up.  Instead, forgive yourself.  Stop looking back at your failures but instead look forward. To making better choices.

Closet eating can have a negative impact on your weight loss. But if you are a closet eater, with these techniques  you can still have great success with your weight loss!  

Out of the ‘closet eating’

This has been an interesting week.   No, I didn’t run a marathon…or swim the English Channel.  No, I didn’t set the world on fire with my weight loss.  No, I didn’t do anything earth shattering.  But what I DID do was make some discoveries about myself….I my friends, am a closet eater.

 

First let’s talk about my exercise.  I have managed to continue to walk on my breaks and my lunch at work.  That nets me about 6000 steps…and I can usually make it to 7000 -7500 steps with my evening movement once I get home.    That’s not enough.  I’m missing the mark on my 8000 step goal.  I can sometimes walk in the morning before work, but that depends upon the traffic and if I actually make it to work in time to make a lap.    So my steps have been lacking.  BUT…I am walking!   So while not a victory, it’s at least not a colossal failure!

 

That said, I did get some pictures taken of the lake where I walk….

And my ‘exercise trauma/drama for the week was my Thursday Lunch walk.  I was smiling at the beginning.

 But then I twisted my ankle…….and if that wasn’t enough, a bit later I choked on a grape!  But I continued to walk and even pushed my steps a bit further than normal.

So my weight???    Up from last week by about a pound or two.  I woke up thirsty today...not a good sign for the numbers on the scale!  And well...the monthly water retention is right around the corner!!  (Edit:  I posted this ‘Friday’ weekly summary and within 5 minutes realized that the dates looked wonky!  Oh no!  It’s only Thursday!   Talk about disappoint, two more days of work versus one!!  I thought about taking the post down...but decided to leave it up.  Who knows...I might post again tomorrow and make this a four post week!!) 

 

Next up my eating?  I would love to say that I abided by the ‘rules’ that I set forth a few weeks back.  (8000 steps and available calories before I would allow myself a sweet treat at night.”   I’m ashamed to say that I didn’t make this goal…..I did not make the step goal even once.  I did however manage to keep my calories under budget….BARELY!   My top end of the range of calories is 1500….and Wednesday night AFTER I ate my cookies I put in my food for the day…I came in at 1497 calories.  Talk about squeaking by!  

 

But that brings me to my subject of this post.  My eating habits.

 

On Wednesday I made a vow that I was NOT going to eat any cookies.  I made the vow to my friend Julie via an email.  We talked about our significant others and how we were going to resist, even if they sat there shoveling cookies into their mouths like they were a starving Santa Claus.  It was a vow…it was set it stone and written down…No problem.  Right?  Yeah…well…….2 small chocolate chip cookies that night.   I still at least came in under the top end of my caloric range…but seriously…where was my will power????

 

My big problem was the after work snack.  I get home at right around 6PM.  We usually don’t eat until 8 or so.  I have been finding myself gravitating to the kitchen as soon as I get home on some days.  I dig out a handful or chips or pretzels and I indulge.  If it’s only a pretzel stick or two it’s not bad.  But some days I shovel food into my mouth like there is no tomorrow.  Why are some days bad snack days and some days are not so bad?    This week I figured it out.  I am a closet eater.

 

I got home on Wednesday evening,  Jason’s work van was there but he was nowhere to be found inside the apartment.  A quick glance in the den (aka bike bedroom) revealed his bike was missing.  I had a fleeting moment of throwing on my running clothes and heading out for a run.  FLEETING!  Instead, I moseyed (it was a fast trot actually) to the kitchen where I indulged in some chips and dip...some pretzels and dip…..and then to round out the festivities the last handful of Cheetos in the bag.  I finished up just as I heard Jason’s key in the door.  Yeah, I probably would have continued to eat had he not come home.  In fact, had he BEEN at home, I KNOW that I would have only had a small handful of chips.  I indulged because there was no one there to see me.  I’m a closet eater!  

 

 Luckily Jason usually beats me home...so closet eating isn’t an issue every evening.  However, that said I know I can’t rely on ‘never being alone’ to correct my issue.  So I’m working on some plans and ideas to combat this issue of closet eating.  So stay tuned for a future post!

Success Story - Lori

Lori chose the stealth mode when she started her weight loss journey.   She made the decision and quietly started to work on her weight.  It was quite a while before she actually announced to the general public (aka Facebook) that she had not only been working on her weight, but had been having some nice success.   As scary as it is to come forward and admit to the world that she was on this journey to health, Lori has showed us that you can have a busy life and have great success!

I had the pleasure of meeting Lori in college.  During my senior year, she and I lived in the same dorm and in fact our rooms were pretty much right across the hall.  Lori was the most vivacious and fun person to be around.  Her creativity and wit were a spark that made dorm life even more fun. (Seriously, who else do you know that would create a non-working fireplace in her dorm room at Christmas to celebrate the holiday!)  As I’ve seen her Facebook posts over the years I can see that the creativity and wit are still a driving part of her personality.   I was working on an idea for a success story page in my head when I saw her most recent post about her success and when I asked her, she very willingly accepted the offer to answer some questions.  Thank you Lori!

What sparked you to begin to lose weight?? I had a picture taken of me with my dad at Thanksgiving in 2016.  Thanksgiving has been tough for me, since my mom passed away and that Thanksgiving was especially hard, because it was the first since my dad had remarried.  I remember looking at that picture and seeing how sad I looked.  I mean, once you get beyond the fact that I was in desperate need of a dye job, I was overweight, sad, uncomfortable in my own skin.  I just didn’t like what I saw.   I also realized at 41, I was only a few years away from the age my mom was when she was diagnosed with Type 2 Diabetes and High Blood Pressure, that in some ways lead to her having the first of a series of debilitating strokes at the age of 50.  I knew I needed to make some changes in my life. It wasn’t something that happened all at once, but that picture kind of solidified a lot of my thoughts up to that point and haunted me in a way that helped me make the decision to quietly sign up for Weight Watchers about 6 weeks later in January of 2017.

What was your highest weight?   Current weight? My highest weight was 185.  That might not seem like a lot to some, but I’m only 4’10”.  My current weight is fluctuating around 136-140.How much weight have your lost in pounds? 45-49 – again with the fluctuationsWhat was your starting clothing size?  Your current size?  I was busting out of my 16s and fit into a pair of 18s, and now I’m around an 8/10.  I say 8, because I currently own TWO size 8 shorts!  Whoop! 

  What plan did you follow to lose your weight?  (ie weight watchers, slim fast, a plan of your own creation...)  I chose Weight Watchers and it’s been amazing for me.  I totally look at food differently now.  My son is a Type 1 Diabetic and has been since he was 7.  So, I’ve been helping him count carbs for years.  Counting points was an easy process for me to get used to.  It also allows me to have things I like.  In the past, I would give up all the things I liked the most – sugary things, CARBS!  With Weight Watchers I could still have those things, but only enough to satisfy that need and not exceed my points goal for the day.  I like the freedom of choice I have with Weight Watchers.

Have you reached your weight loss goal?  If so, how long have you been maintaining your weight?  I set out to get down to 120, but haven’t achieved that goal yet.  So, this is a work still in process.  I will say that I’ve started to get comfortable with the fact that maybe getting into the 130s is where my realistic, I’m-in-my-40s-now, health goal should be.  Still working that out with myself.

 Do you consistently track your food intake (via online or paperform) I consistently tracked my food daily on weightwatchers.com and their phone app for a solid year.  This year I’ve been hit and miss with my tracking.  Some days I’m great at it, some days….not so much.

 How often do you weigh yourself?  How did you come to that choice for how often?  I weigh myself almost daily.  I went a whole week once without weighing myself and I found I was super stressed by the not knowing and worried that I was gaining. So, I usually weigh myself first thing in the morning as a start to my day.

 What online tools do you use?  Beyond the Weight Watchers website, I use Pinterest for recipes.

Do your exercise regularly?  If so, what do you do?  I work with preschoolers, so in the beginning I just noted my daily steps.  But, I didn’t exercise intentionally until a good 4-5 months into my diet, because I really wanted to focus my energy into changing my eating habits.  Late April of ’17 I started walking with my family.  I now do power walks almost daily and sometimes incorporate jogging with that.  I love my walks!

 Do you have any words of advice for someone that is just starting out on this journey of weight loss and health?  I’ve had a lot of people ask me this question.  I’ve been struggling with my weight since Jr. High.  I’ve done tons of diets and failed at nearly all of them.  I think you really need to WANT it.  To realize that the bite of food you’re missing isn’t worth the struggle and sadness that often accompanies eating it.  I think they need to know that the mental part of a lifestyle/weight loss journey is MUCH tougher than the physical part.  I wasn’t prepared for the mental back and forth.  But, overall, I’d say that taking control of your life and your weight is one of the most empowering things I’ve ever done.  I know that this is not over for me.   My weight and, in turn, food will always be an issue for me.  This is a lifestyle change.  I won’t allow myself to eat like I used to.  I feel too good now to want to go back to that.    

 Is there anything else you would like to share?   I guess it just comes back to finding a way to be ok with this being a long-term goal and not a short term one.  Losing weight has always been about immediate goal-reaching for me.  If I wanted to lose 20 lbs and did, well, then I was done and would go back to eating my favorites all the time (Doritos anyone?), which led to gaining everything back.  This time the difference has been about doing it the right way.  Making life changes to my diet.  So, I’m a year and a half in and haven’t met my goal.  BUT, I’m still working.  I keep working.  I keep being aware of what I eat and when I exercise and look for ways to change things up to make more progress.  And, while the challenge of the mental part of it can be tiresome and overwhelming at times, the food part hasn’t been as hard as I thought it would be.  I still worry about failing.  I think anyone that has struggled with weight in their lifetime knows that Failure is that scary guy in the corner, but I feel equipped now in ways I haven’t ever before.  I’m no one special.  Just a gal who’s been right where everyone else has. The fact that I’ve lost weight in a way that others find successful is still a surprise to me.  

 Thank you Lori for taking the time to share your thoughts and weight loss success story with us.  You truly are an inspiration!  Keep up the great work!

Recharge for the Weight Loss Journey

It was a relaxing weekend full of productivity and no activity.   Some weekends are like that.  Exercise just didn't happen due to the rain and we were just sluggish and lazy.

The rain kept us inside, watching tv.  We did at least get our grocery shopping and errands done on Saturday.  On Sunday we knew we needed to get out so we headed to an antique store and then roamed the mall.  It was a very low key weekend with not much to report on in terms of exercise or weight loss.

About the only thing weight related is that I set up a habit tracker for myself.   I got the idea from Jessie over at her blog, jesseybellgetsfit.  I am one that does well with a bit of competition....even if it is with myself.  I know I will hate to see the streak end if I mess up...and I know I will mess up..but it is a fun friendly competition with myself! The app is set to send me a notification in the evening should I not have tracked, which will help keep that streak alive!  I chose the app habit ace..it was a free version...so I can try it and if it works for me then I can upgrade.  The free version gives me three habits to track, which is enough to start. I put in my stats for the past week to give me a bit of a start...  I’ve been nailing the water habit!!!

While doing errands I did finally find a door mat that I liked. It wasn’t imperative that I get a door mat. Our apartment door is on an open breezeway....it is far enough in that I have yet to see the floor wet from rain (and we have had some humdinger rain storms!!). As for our feet beating muddy?  We have two flights of steps to climb and a walk across the breezeway, so our feet have usually ‘stomped off’ the mud by the time we get there...but hey...it looks ‘homey’ and I liked it!!

BUT....I was productive regardless.  How so???   Well, I did make a double batch of cookies for my co-workers and Jason's co-workers.  But that's not what I'm talking about.  I'm talking about this site.
I have started to make the changes to this site!   It was scary! But it is SO exciting!

I want my little corner of the internet to be a place that inspires and motivates.  I know there are big sites out there that have stuff...but I know when I was originally losing, I gravitated toward the every day person that was doing it..or had recently done it for my motivation.  I found it hard to swallow the article telling me to ‘lay down the donut up pick up the dumbbell’ (hmm I may have to use that as a future post title) when they weigh 99 pounds soaking wet.  I wanted to read my advice from someone that had lived it...that knew the struggle of ‘laying down the donut’ and the pain of someone ‘lifting the barbell’ for the first time.    So it’s time to return to my roots...create something that motivates me and maybe...just maybe helps someone reclaim their life from the clutches of obesity.

No worries...my posts will always continue to be a real and open look at my weight loss journey...the good and the ugly!

Changes that are already evident:

1.  My story   I figured it was time for me to have a page that tells who I am...where I have been, where I'm at and where I'm going.  Probably well past time. I know people that have been with me a long time know the story... but there are a LOT of posts to read through to figure me out if someone is new. So this way if someone stumbles upon my blog,they can quickly see my history and plans.

2.  Recipe Page  I have toyed with this a few times in the past.  I have moved a few recipes onto the page, mostly my favorite ones!  I can't wait to add more and update what I do have!

3.  I FINALLY moved this to my own domain name.  It was nerve wracking, and that was quite possibly only step one of that process...but it went well! I have wanted to do this for years...and I honestly kick myself for not making some of these changes back when I first wanted to. But oh well...I’m doing it now.  I haven't changed my site host at this point.  I researched it for days upon days.  I was up between a website at wordpress or Squarespace.  But ultimately decided that for where I'm at right now the domain name is enough and I will and can push and expand this for a bit longer to fit my needs.

Changes that are still to come:

1.  I plan on adding a Success Story page.  I have already contacted a few people that have had some great success to get their stories.  When I was losing the weight the first time I gathered so much inspiration and motivation from watching other ordinary people have success.   Having a page with success stories on my site seems like a stellar idea.  (And I’m looking for more success stories...and I have my eye on a few more people to ask!!!   I will also consider volunteers...I prefer a natural weight loss story to highlight, no surgery or pills!  Nothing against them, but I consider them last resort efforts!)

2.  Tips.  I have written this blog for over 12 years.  I have come up with so many tips and ideas on how to do things and make goals.  I plan on gleaning those ideas and having a page with links on those tips.  (So be ready for some upcoming posts that consolidate some information!). What kind of tips?    For example, "Ways to ensure you reach your water intake goal."

So many more ideas percolating in my mind.  But lets just say that I'm excited!  The crazy thing is, not only am I excited about the changes on this site, but I'm excited about the changes and future for my weight loss journey.  It's been a long time since I felt this excitement for the journey course through me!  So I’ll also ask...what motivates you?   What would you like to see?

Sometimes we need a lazy weekend to recharge.  I used this one to not only recover and rest up for the work week but to also recharge and upgrade my site and my motivation for my weight loss journey.  Now it's time to rock it!

Changes

I knew what works. Right now for me I know what works. So why in the world do I not do it?

What am I talking about? Tracking! In the last couple weeks I have set up a different plan for myself. When I work the plan The plan works for me. But when I deviate, the plan doesn’t work.

Tracking for me is quite instrumental to my success. I tracked last week and I lost 2.2 pounds. But then I stopped tracking… And I stopped losing.

I know tracking isn’t everything, it’s my eating habits. But tracking is what helps keep me in line and in check. Quite honestly, I have no clue what my calorie intake was for this work week… At all! 

So why do I not track? First and foremost, I think I forget about it… It’s not an ingrained habit yet. Secondly, I think to some regard I show some success and I start to feel confident. I think hey I don’t need to track I did really good last week! Regardless of the reason, I know for me it’s important to do!

So how do I remind myself to do this? Should I set myself an alarm on my phone? Leave notes for myself beside my bed? Find an accountability partner? I’m not sure… I’m not sure which one would 

work for me but I know I have to be serious about this. 

Two things happened recently that it made me really start to think about what I’m doing here. 

1.  Lately we have been watching a lot of YouTube videos on mountain biking. These are guys that were and are ordinary people. They are not experts but they have reached an incredible amount of people to help promote mountain biking simply through their love of the sport. Even though I’m struggling right now, I’m passionate about my journey and experiences as I’ve worked to become healthier.  So should I be doing something more with that passion? I know when I had lost the weight the first time I really felt drawn to try to help others… But then life went belly up and I regained and while I still had the passion I just let it sit idle.

2. With the nice warm weather returning, I started walking again at work on my lunch and my two breaks. I did walk last year but I was a new hire and didn’t really know anyone.. This year people recognize me and I’ve had a few  comments made to me in the last week or two. I have been asked numerous times how long it takes to get around the lake. People want to know if it’s doable on a 30 minute lunch break. Why yes it is doable! I got to work early one day last year and timed it out to make sure. I have also had a handful of people tell me that I was their inspiration and they walked on their lunch break or their 15 minute break simply because they saw me walking. Me? And inspiration? No that can’t be true… But it was.

So with all that happening, it comes as no surprise that I have been mulling over my little corner of the Internet. The ideas are flowing. I’m excited about some of the things that I want to add and do. Are they groundbreaking? No probably not… Would it be my unique take on the subject matter? Absolutely!  Some aspects of this possible change scare me to death… Do I move my blog? That is the biggest issue I have.  I honestly I have no problem creating a website of some sort, it’s daunting but I can manage (using a website builder tool)… I’m just worried about my blog.  I know that I would like my blog to carry with me with to whatever I do, (versus have my blog on blogger and a separate website).  I think this is important because the longevity of my blog lends me a bit of credence to my personal experience.   Did I mention that moving the blog end my close to 2000 (1987 including this post). posts scares me? Honestly, it’s something I should have done many many years ago… But I was scared then also!    So here I am taking a deep breath and doing my research, even as my hands shake at the prospect!

Trust the plan

For the last week or two I have actually been feeling very positive about where I am with my eating, where I am with my exercise and where I’m going with my weight loss journey. I’m feeling stronger, more empowered and honestly more capable of once again completing this task of losing weight. So it came as a complete shock to me during the last week to be paralyzed with fear.

Let me backtrack, the plan that I am currently working with for my weight-loss efforts involves a balancing act. I’m not giving up anything… I’m balancing. I know for me right now deprivation is not going to work. So I’ve devised a plan that actually is working for me. Slowly, but surely. Honestly it really is a fine line. I am still eating a sweet treat most nights. This could blow up in my face really really quickly and easily. I have tried to set up a check system so that I don’t eat the sweet treats when I shouldn’t, but it really is a crapshoot. Why am I willing to take this risk? I think the biggest reason is because for me it gives normalcy. Normal is what I’m striving for. I don’t want to live a life where I’m constantly stressed about my food choices.  And let’s face it, for the first time in a long time I am excited about this journey.

Enter the fear. It started last week, the one day that I did not earn my steps but still ate the sweet treat. I laid in bed that night wailing and gnashing my teeth in fear that I had gained weight from my little bobble. OK, maybe that was a little melodramatic… A lot melodramatic! But in all seriousness, I was worried. I was starting to see movement on the scales in the right direction and I didn’t want to upset that progress. It turned out OK though. (In fairness I didn’t totally go off track and I got right back on track the next day.)

On Monday I wrote about the weekend  I wrote about my hunger on Sunday that lingered into Monday causing my calorie counts to go a little bit higher than I wanted them to be. Enter the fear. I worried! I really worried.

On Tuesday morning I stepped on the scale for a little check of my weight. I looked down and saw the number and let out a sigh of disgust. On one hand, I was happy because it was a maintain from a week earlier. But on the other hand I was disgusted because it was a maintain for the week and a gain for the weekend.  What happened to all of my effort from the previous week. There was nothing I could do other than move forward. I had already figured out why I was so hungry those days and in doing so had pinpointed the problem, which means I know how to correct it for the future. There really was nothing else I could do but move forward.

I moved through my Tuesday with a smile on my face. And while I ate my sweet treat, I wasn’t worried about it because I had met the criteria that I had set aside a couple weeks back for eating a sweet treat at night. In the back of my mind I wondered if I wasn’t a bit dehydrated though, I drank  the same amount of liquid at work… But almost immediately I had to pee constantly. In my experience whenever I start drinking after being dehydrated I pee a lot to get rid of the water that I was retaining. I refused to think about it deeply and just kept moving forward.

Wednesday dawned and a new day, a new chance to step on the scale. I was so relieved to see the lower number on the scales this morning.. My effort from last week is back! Hallelujah! While I was in the shower one thought kept going through my head… Trust the plan.

Trust the plan? If you have a solid plan in place for weight loss, the wait is going to come off. A slight aberration in the plan is not going to derail you. Trust the plan.

On Monday night I set out running clothes and set my alarm for 30 minutes earlier. I must’ve been insane! But, when that alarm went off I rolled out of bed through all my clothes and headed outside for a run. I got out there and it was misting… Not a full rain thank heavens. I didn’t let that mist stop me. I ran anyway! I was wearing my glasses, and they fogged up something horrible. I push them up on my head and kept running. I did it!



About the glasses… Yes I’m pretty blind without them. I was able to see and stay on the sidewalk and when I had to cross the road I could see that there were no cars there for sure. So in that regard I was safe. However if there was some stalker or person out to do me harm hiding behind a tree… I wouldn’t have seen them. For example as I approached a street corner I saw what looked like a tree or somethingand then the tree moved. A quick flip down at my glasses revealed that it was a person walking their dog that had stopped to let the dog do their business. Yeah that’s how my run went. Never a dull moment. 

Luckily my work break walks were serene!!

It’s hump day today… And today, I’m just trusting my plan.

Magical

Memorial Day weekend is almost in the books....I’m just sitting here writing out my weekend post and then it will be fine for bed.  We returned to the ‘magic’.  And returning to the magic made me think about my weight loss journey.  

We had a nice three day weekend and we used it as our first chance to get away since living together.  Let me back up...for the few years that we have dated  before we lived together, we went away for the weekends...a LOT.  Our living situations gave us virtually no time alone together unless we went away.  (Thus lots of hikes and bike rides too!). Yes, it was sometimes more costly, but I scoured the internet for deals and we chased them down...that is how we ended up in Atlantic City, NJ one long weekend in October...a hotel room for $20 a night?  (A hotel that goes for $300-400 a night in season!). Sign me up!  So we travelled a lot...and our weekends were magical!  When we first started talking about living together we made a vow that we would not totally give up the weekends away.  This weekend was our first post- living together weekend away.     We talked about how the adjustment to living together had been smooth and how we are both feeling comfortable and happy with how things have settled....and how we wouldn’t change it for anything and how we would DIE if we had to go back to the old way, but we both talked about the ‘magic’ of those weekends away as our love for each other really grew in leaps and bounds.  Lots of parallels to weight loss for sure!

How so?  I look at the days when I was first losing the weight as ‘magical’. I was losing weight, I was excited,  I was in love with the progress and process.    But then changes in my life happened.  I ‘grew’, my focuses changed, my beliefs and attitude toward weight loss changed (I decided that deprivation is not sustainable for me and that I instead needed to find a balance.). I’m ok with where I’m at...I’m determined to make it happen again...in this method, even if it is slower.  Yet, I look back and sometimes long for those magical days.  And you know what? Just like we travelled a bit this weekend and enjoyed the good old ‘magic’,  I can sometimes revisit those days.  I can have a day...week or however long of ‘deprivation’ but the new ‘me’ is always waiting in the wings, just like us happily coming home to our cozy apartment and friendly cat was there for us, welcoming us with open arms.  

Yes, mertz was on her too perch when we got home...she looks angry here...but she softened after we both took a second to pet her!!!  

We had a nice weekend.  I got a run in on Saturday!  

It was slow but I was out there.  

And we got two bike rides in!!!

I woke up on Sunday so hungry...and I was just hungry all day long!   I struggled to figure it out. Why was I wanting to eat everything in site? No I didn’t eat everything in site...I just wanted to!  But I definitely ate more than my norm!!!  It wasn’t until I finished putting my food into myfitnesspal that I realized what had happened.  

Here is my food for the week.

See how bad Sunday was?

But then when I added in my exercise the lightbulb went off!

I burned way more calories than I ate according to myfitnesspal!  Do I believe it was that big of a deficit? No...but even if it wasn’t a deficit, my intake was too low!!

We had a scare on the way home.  We stopped at a 7-eleven for gas and go get a snack (ok to get ice cream sandwiches for dessert!!).  We were just running into the store for a minute or two so we just planned on watching the bikes, which were not locked up!  We got back into the car and got home.  We started to take the bikes off and immediately I realized something was amiss.  My bike handle bars are are always nestled behind Jason’s. But they were in front...even though I KNOW his bike had gone on first!  The unloading of the bike was just awkward and not right in some other minor ways.   And then I realized that all four clips on the wheel thingies were open and the bars had been adjusted.  The wheel thingy is the bars that the front wheel set in..tightly!  These clips are what adjusts the height of the bars so that different size tires can sit in the roof bike rack. 

Now, I’ve had this roof rack for many years!  I have NEVER had these clips/locks come undone...not ONCE!  And to have all four open and then be adjusted on the one side?  There is NO other answer other than the fact that someone had meddled with our bikes when we were in 7-Eleven!  Probably trying to steal them, but they just didn’t know how to get the bike off the bike rack!

Yes we were freaked out!!! We dodged that bullet and I’m happy to say that the bikes are safe and sound in their bedroom (aka the den).

The only other news is that the dining room got some shelves along the walls for dollhouses and storage.   

The top of the shelf (the empty one) will very soon have the hermit crabs resting on it....we don’t like them in the bike bedroom.

And the road bike on the trainer has moved to the bike bedroom!

Yup...there are the crabs in the bike bedroom!

I have set my alarm for 30 minutes earlier tomorrow morning.  I’m going to attempt to go for a short run before my shower.  I am as prepared as possible...my clothes for my run and for work are laid out as are my running shoes, run buddy and headphones (on the window seat).

Wish me luck...I am afraid I’ll say ‘what the heck, and go back to sleep!”   (The normal alarm is  still set to go off!)

Victory amidst the failure

I feel empowered today. I feel like I’m actually doing something for myself. It’s actually a really nice feeling. In saying I’m empowered I mean to say that I actually feel in control of my addiction this week. I’m not out of control. That’s not to say the week wasn’t without its slip ups and failures. But that said that doesn’t mean that my week is without victory.

When I first started thinking about this post, I was thinking of total failure except for one tiny little thing… But then I started to see the  sun  behind the clouds. There actually are victories within the failures. That is when I realized that we need to stop being so harsh on ourselves when we fall down. Not only are we learning lessons when we fall down, but sometimes there are still victories hidden within the pain of the failure.

Let’s start with a failure ....8000 steps a day. I nailed that goal on Monday. I got to work early enough to get that before work  walkaround the lake, and that was enough to add to my other break walks and allow me to easily make my goal.  Tuesday was rainy, but I did manage to walk inside the parking garage… And on one break when the rain cleared I even walked outside on the top deck of the parking garage. I even found a quarter, time, and Penny.



But even though I walked in the parking garage I only made it to about. 5000 steps. The sun was out on Wednesday and Thursday and I walked around 7000 steps both days. I walked ....I just didn’t make my step goal.  

Where is the victory in missing my goal? There’s a couple victories in there.  The first victory? On Tuesday when it rained, I still Walked. Do I like walking in the parking garage? Not exactly. But I made the best of it, and when I had a Wee little break in the rain drops I walked on the upper deck so I was close to cover should it start to pour!  I could have so easily given up, but I didn’t. I didn’t make my goal but I at least walked. In my book, that’s a victory.

There is another victory in my  step goal failure. So many times when I realize I’m not going to make my goal I give up. I throw my hands in the air and say I’ve already failed , why even try. I didn’t do that this week I kept walking even though I didn’t make my goal I kept walking. Can I say victory?

Time for another failure… My sweet treat eating criteria. I set a plan this week.  The plan was that I had certain to criteria that I had to meet before eating a sweet treat at night. One, my sweet treat could not take me over 1499 calories for the day and two, I had to walk  8000 steps for the day. On Monday I had no problem , I made the steps And I was under my calorie goal so the sweet treat went down the hatch, it felt great. Tuesday was that rainy day with 5k steps.  Failure alert!!!  I ate a piece of cake that night. I didn’t make my step goal on Wednesday either but I did not eat the cake and on Thursday I had a small cup of ice cream…even though I did not reach my step goal. Two of the four days were failures.

Victory alert… Two of those days were successes!

Another victory? On the days that I did indulge without earning, I chose smaller portions. End it even more important I did stay under that calorie goal on all four days.  Minor… Yes but a victory nonetheless.

The other victory amidst the failure? My weight...I’m down a pound from last week!

I have a three day weekend coming up...so I am worried about my weight this weekend...weekends are rough for me.   Hopefully we will be very active and I can keep my eating under control!!!

Happy Memorial Day Weekend!!!!

Internal Dialogue

I am so strong in the morning!   I make all sorts of vows.  Stuff like , I will ride the bike (trainer) for  “6” hours when I get home.  I will never eat cake again.   I am going to do my push ups, and only eat fruits and veggies for the rest of my life!

Ok, maybe not that strong.....but this week I DID vow to ride the bike trainer 10-15 minutes.  

I also made a plan for when I could eat cake. 

I vow to run after work.

But, I am stronger in the mornings.   I wake up and I’m so determined and convinced I can ‘do it’.  I make my vows.  I make my plans!   But something happens throughout the work day.  And it’s an ugly something! 

Last night I saw a group of kids running and ‘training’ on the loop that I run here at our new place.   (girls on the run I believe).  I have loved running amongst the girls in races.  So last night I had a brief moment of thinking it would be cool to run in our place, throw on my running clothes and head out.  It was a brief moment!

I got inside after work, Jason wasn’t home yet.  PERFECT time for a ride on that bike trainer!   But no, I ate some cheetohs instead.  

Yesterday was rainy… So I didn’t get all of my walks in during my break. I did not make my step count for the day. According to my newly laid rules, no steps equal no cake/sweet treat. So when my dinner was over I sat there for a while because I didn’t earn my cake but then I started talking to myself in my head. And this is how the conversation went. You really didn’t have control over the rain and the ability to walk on your break! You did walk in the dreary parking garage during your first break and your lunch break, should that be rewarded? I think it should! I at least didn’t throw my hands up in the air and give up! Yes, my calories are in line so at least one of my criteria has been met totally and I tried for the other one… I do believe I deserve a piece of cake. Oh but I’m not supposed to have one because  I didn’t make the goal… So what about a Half piece of cake? That seems reasonable...one criteria met half of a piece....both criteria met a full piece! Splendid idea!

I ate the blasted cake… A small piece… But I ate it!
So now it’s the morning… And I’m vowing no cake tonight if both criteria are not met!   Oh and I am going to ride tonight… Famous last words right?

The only good news… Even without the bike, a run, and the extra steps… By weight dropped on the scales this morning! In fairness it could be just from my steps and activity from the weekend and Monday.

I know for me exercising in the morning is the easiest. I’ve known this for a long time. It is just not working with my schedule. And I am already exhausted when I get home, and I’m not going to bed all that late… So I hesitate to wake up any earlier. But maybe I have think about what’s more important in my life?

So what is the most important thing in my life? Number one for sure, It’s Jason. Before I met him I didn’t worry about how I was going to age. But now that he’s in my life all of a sudden I’m concerned about aging gracefully… I’m not talking about looks although that would be nice also. I’m talking about not needing a walker or a cane or even a wheelchair as I get older.  I’m talking about being able to be on a bike when I’m 60 or 70… To be able to hike a mountain when I’m 80… To go to an amusement park and enjoy the ride at age 90. And who knows maybe skiing at 100. There are no certainties in life. I could live the most healthy life style and still die young. But healthy lifestyle can definitely have a positive effect on how I live out my older years.  And I want every second of time I can get with Jason!   And I want those moments to be active and energetic!

I have plenty of motivation.. I just need to garner that motivation in the evening. I guess I should sit back and say at least I didn’t just eat the cake without thinking last night, there was a huge internal dialogue. Can I take that is progress?

Wiped Out

We had a very low-key weekend. We got some bad news that Really  just put a damper on everything.

The sun finally came out on Sunday. And we did manage to get outside on our bikes. We went to the Canal. It was wet muddy but it was fun. We rode about 10 to 15 miles and got to see a lot of parking lots and roads flooded… Not to mention the river really really high. The pollen was horrible, and we paid the price all afternoon after our ride with sinus pressure and headaches and itchy eyes. Regardless, it was good to get outside and I would do it again in a heartbeat even knowing the allergy problems.

It was a good ride...much better than my earlier rides this year...which blows my mind because it’s been a month since those rides....I guess the week of lots of steps helped!

 Even more bothersome this weekend was the arthritis in my knee. Granted the weather changing affects it for sure but I can look at my weight and know that I am at the point where my weight really starts to affect the arthritis. I have to do something because I know how debilitating arthritis can be.

As I mentioned on Friday, my weight hasn’t budged and is hovering at a number that I do not like.

So what is my plan????   8000 steps a day is the first thing.   The weather is supposed to be clearing up a little bit (only one day of rain forecasted.) So there is no excuse to not walk at work. If I walk both brakes and my lunch I can come very close to my step count… I will still need to push it at home a little bit but it’s more doable for me.  Why is this important?  Well it’s activity in an otherwise sedentary work day.  Secondly it makes a difference in my fitness...small efforts add up!  But also...arthritis is helped by activity.  It’s hard though because it hurts...but I know it helps!!

Another thing is the Sweet treats. I’ve written this paragraph a couple times. Part of me says I need to give it up totally. So I write the paragraph that way. But then I think about how unsustainable that will be in the long run, and I delete paragraph. I really am going back-and-forth. I hesitate to even write this paragraph. I know the other week I was still losing weight when I was walking a lot and I was still eating sweets.  There has to be a happy medium. Life can’t be all lettuce and celery.    So I’m going to leave the sweet treats up in the air.   What I AM going to say is this....two rules for dessert.   

1.  I’m not aiming for about 1400ish  calories a day.  If I can fit the cake into the food budget then it’s a go...

And 

2.  If I’ve made my 8000 steps for the day!  

Otherwise...nope!!!  Hmm and my mind is looking for a loophole....can I bank steps???  Hahahaha. I’ll cross that bridge when I get to it!!!

And the last thing, work on continuing to track my food!!!

Additionally, I am going to try to add in the bike trainer and or some runs in the evening.  Those are hard because I’m soooo tired when I get home.  So those are extras!!

Small but Mighty

First and foremost, let me get my weekly official weigh in out of the way.   I’m not exactly happy....and I’m not exactly upset.   Why?  I maintained.   Ok, part of me is angry because I ate almost exactly what I ate last week...and last week I lost!   But part of me is ok because the rain that we have had constantly this week has kept me from walking on my breaks.  So a mixed bag of emotions!  

So where am I?   Ready to make a change!  And they don’t have to be huge changes.  Small does the trick nicely!

My maintain this week on the scales as compared to my loss last week emphasizes that the Changes does not have to be huge!   My eating remained the same...the only thing that changed was walking on my breaks versus sitting on my behind!   Small change...big difference in my results!

So the first  SMALL change?   I can walk in the parking garage even with rain!!!!  Back to walking at least some of my breaks! (And hopefully the sun will return so I can walk around the lake again...although the forecast doesn’t look all that great!)

Another SMALL change I can make?  10-15 minutes on my bike (the one with the bike trainer) a day or even a couple times a week...that’s not a big commitment....but I’m the grand scheme of things I can reap huge results!   Not just in terms of weight loss, but also in terms of my endurance while biking!!!   That is going to be huge very soon because ASAP we plan on upgrading my bike to up the level of trails I can attempt on my bike!  

Small changes...mighty results!!!

Reasons to push forward

Isn’t it crazy how our minds work?

On Monday I was gung ho and the scales were looking good, things were fantastic.  I was able to eat and stay in budget and close  to plan.   I was in budget with my calories and I was really close to my step count for the day. 

On Tuesday I woke up and my weight was up.  It was back to where it was on Friday, so technically I have not had a gain for the week. But the mind plays some nasty nasty tricks. I have talked about the mini me that sits on my shoulder before. It’s the voice in my head that tells me that I suck at running, it’s the voice in my head that tells me to eat chocolate, it’s the voice in my head that sends me on a nose dive off the cliff into unhealthiness.

So yesterday morning my weight was up and I was bummed out but I moved on with my day, and my normal plans for food. Traffic was horrendous, so I did not make it to work in time to walk. But I walked on my first break! And then I crashed between the first break and my lunch break.  I literally crashed and burned. I was tired.  I couldn’t focus. I was just feeling really punkish. I knew I had to do something… So I planned to swing by a store during my walk to get a caffeinated drink. All was still good, I was going to eat my fruits and vegetables and I was still going to walk. And then the mini me arrived. Oh she arrived,  did she ever! What did she say? “Your weight is already up, you may as well eat like a pig today and just start tomorrow.”  Boy was she Screaming!

Did I listen to her words? Sadly yes… To an extent. I did not eat the cupcake from the cupcake store.  I did not get macaroni and cheese with extra cheese from potbelly. I did not stock up on candy from the candy store. I did however go to the cafeteria and get a chicken sandwich which I ate with the banana from my lunch. I passed on the chips, which is a victory. But in fairness I will admit that I got a three musketeers bar also. The food/sugar made a huge difference in my afternoon. I didn’t feel so brain-dead, I didn’t feel like I was going to pass out from exhaustion, and I lost that feeling like I was going to cry.  So in fairness it may have been a wise choice.

Oh and in case you missed it… I went to the cafeteria for lunch… That means there was no walk. I did walk on my last break though. I was pretty much confined to the house last night due to some pretty vicious storms that ripped through my county/town. 7 inches of rain in two hours is a fair amount of rain. We  weathered the storm just fine. (There was a storm the night before that had us under tornado  warnings/watch, but that storm was fast moving so it did not dump as much rain on us.)

It is what it is. I’m OK with the decision I made to eat a larger lunch yesterday. I’m OK, but bummed by the continued higher weight on the scale… I was pretty much the same weight today that I was yesterday morning.

So today’s mission is to ignore the voice of my mini me as she tells me that I need cookies and cake and candy while I am at work. My weight is up…this weigh is the highest I have been in a while, but that is not reason to give up and “start tomorrow. “

That said, I was thinking last night on my drive home. I was thinking about where life is, where I think life is going, and where I want life to be in future years. I need to keep my future, my goals, my hopes,  my dreams first and foremost in my mind. There is so much I want to do and so much that can conceivably happened, amazing things. I don’t want to face life and my future at this weight… I want to face these things at a much lower weight. They will still happen at the higher weight, most likely… I’ve always tried to not let my weight hinder me. But if I want to be the best me as life moves forward I need to get my weight under control.

So I’m going to throw it out there right now… I am probably not going to reach my step goal this week… It is supposed to rain through Saturday night Sunday morning. That will hinder my break and lunch. I’m not giving up, But I am saying inclement weather is out of my control.

Meanwhile, the arthritis is kicking! The weather is playing a number on my knee… OK maybe my weight is playing a factor on it also. Just one more reason to get this fixed!

The tortoise

Monday morning has arrived! I could have used one or two more days of the weekend. But alas, I have to work to make a living ....

I was able to maintain a somewhat steady diet this weekend. And by diet I mean food intake. I did not go crazy but I was not militant in my eating over the past weekend. I did not feel deprived, I was not hungry, and in fact I felt good because I was in control. It was more of exactly what I am doing during the work week. And that is eating lighter during the day; mostly fruits and vegetables, and then having a full meal at dinner. And those full meals are not crazy but they are not rabbit food. For example Friday night I had pizza and wings; Saturday night I had a sub, chips  and pasta salad; alast night I had a burger, pasta salad and baked Parmesan zucchini. All three nights I had some sort of dessert also. Is it perfect for me to eat the bulk of my calories in one meal? Probably not. Is it healthy for me to eat a sweet treat every evening? Probably not. Is it working for me right now? Yes. Yes, it is working.

Over the past week I have weighed  myself just about every day. And I have been delighted to see my weight drop every day. It is it not dropping by mad numbers, meaning I am not dropping a pound a day… I’m dropping maybe 2/10 of a pound each day give or take. That may only be 1 pound a week, but I am OK with slow and steady. Especially knowing that I am eating in a way that is sustainable. In essence I am having my cake and eating it too. I’m just eating superhealthy during the day to account for my cake (or whatever sweet treat I have).  I’m budgeting my food wisely.

I am sure there are people that will read this blog post and cringe at the fact that I’m claiming to be healthy (healthier) and eating cake. But that is where I go back to the many posts I have written that talk about how this is an individual journey and what works for me may not be what works for someone. It also goes  back to other posts that talk about how what works for you one week may not work for you at a different stage in your journey. And one more blast from the past that I’ve written about that is important is how this journey encompasses everything, eating exercise, and how it is  very emotional and mental. For me… right now… Where I sit in my life, this is working.

Changing my fit bit goal from 10 K steps down to 8K steps was inspired. On Friday I did my walking at work  and it was so rewarding to have that go off in celebration of my goal. It is rainy and overcast today so I’m not sure how much walking outside I’ll be able to do at work… But I am aiming for that 8000 steps. We had a lazy quiet weekend of relaxing and just chilling out at home… So sadly I did not make my steps for the weekend, but I think we both needed a weekend of doing the bare minimum.

Exercise is still spotty…Walking 8K steps a day was pretty much my exercise last week. I’m hoping to beef that up… I have goals I have plans I have the equipment.

So how did I do on my goals for last week? I reached my step goal… I did not track my food yesterday… Unless I go back and do it today. But in the grand scheme of things, I did at least keep myself under control on those two weekend days I did not track.

Goals for this week…

1. Track every day including the weekend.

2.  Hit 8000 steps a day for my work week. 40,000 steps in the next five days.

3. Be active over the weekend… Riding bikes going for a run, Lots of steps… It doesn’t matter something active.

4. Keep losing weight. Anything less than 249.6!!!  Although my official Friday weight was 251.4 so technically anything under 251.4 on Friday is a win.

Small steps. Nothing drastic. Easy attainable goals. Sustainable for my lifestyle. Slow  but long-term rewards.

Sustainable

I have spent some time thinking about where I’m at.  I’ve spent some time really thinking about where I want to go. I’ve spent some time thinking about what I want my life to look like....... and I made some goals for my week.   And as I worked through my week I made some more discoveries.  So let’s first look at where I want to be and what I want my life to look like. 

Fun geese watching me walk!

First and foremost I want to be healthy....if ‘fat’ is healthy then fat it will be...but I know that ‘fat is not healthy so for the simplicity of writing I will say that I want to be thin.  

But most importantly I want to live a life that is sustainable.  Deprivation isn’t going to work for me....yeah I can say I’ll never have a piece of cake again....but that is not sustainable...because I like cake and I will eventually have a piece.  And if it’s been a taboo food (aka something I’ve deprived myself of) then I will probably cave and eat a lot of cake and lose control.  (This has been proven!!! I deprived myself and then had wedding cake...and that was the start of my weight gain.)

Sustainable and healthy.   Sounds easy right???

So my goals for this week...simple and Easy. Keep my step count high track my food and keep my calories low.

I discovered something about myself with goals and challenges...

 I have been wearing a fitbit for a year and a half.  I have gone through stages where it was awesome and I was checking it constantly.  I have also gone through some stages where I barely looked at my step count, even though I consistently wear it. (Hey, I like the text and call notification on my wrist.)    This week I decided that I was going to aim for 40,000 steps for the weekdays.  I know that on my weekdays I haven’t hit 10K steps in a LONG time.  So I wanted to give myself a bit of wiggle room by saying 40K steps instead of the 10K steps a day equaling 50,000 steps for the time frame.  It turns out that with 40k steps that  I would be aiming for 8 K steps each day.  Monday was easy as I was off work and I rolled through my steps easily (I employed the folding laundry trick.  I put the basket on the couch and folded my clothes and put each article of clothing away one at a time.  So fold a shirt, walk it to the drawer in the bedroom then back to the living room for the next shirt to fold….hey it added about 1500 steps for each load of laundry!)   Tuesday rolled around and back to work.  I walked on my breaks and I walked during my lunch.  I was determined to make it to 7K steps by the time I walked into the door of my house.  Yeah, I didn’t make it……and I didn’t make the 8K steps for the day either.  I was 349 steps short.    But on Wednesday I was determined.  This was my day!  I was going to annihilate the 8,000 steps!   And that’s when I realized.  10K steps may be the recommended amount….but for me right now, where I am at this moment, 10K steps is not a valid goal for me.  I see it as mostly unattainable.   But 8K steps?  That is attainable for me….(walking every second of my work breaks…and walking in place in the elevators……and doing as much stuff like that  during my desk job work day).  It’s a stretch, but it’s attainable….and because I see it as attainable, it is a game to me.  It’s a challenge…and I’m ready to roll with it.  As of right now on Friday morning I have about 4000 steps left  to make that goal… Totally attainable.

But as I worked on this challenge this week I discovered something different about myself. I’ve always known I work well with challenges.  I like to beat my own personal time I love to win a race or a game, it really does motivate. But this week I realized that it overwhelms my life. I’ve become absolutely obsessed with beating my challenge. That’s not a bad thing in the grand scheme of things.  That’s actually a positive in some regards. The negative comes in when I let myself get so keyed up about missing a step or not walking that extra distance. For example, I was driving to work the other morning and a van pulled out in front of me. And he drove so slow! My anger escalated. Even though I drive in D.C. rush hour traffic I’m pretty easy going and don’t anger easily, so this was abnormal.   (However, Don’t even get me started when lanes merge down and the people that are in one of the continuing lanes and decide to swerve into the lane that is ending thus causing them to have to merge right back in to the lane they just left… Oh wow did that three car lengths that you gained really get you there faster… Because it just slowed everybody else down! I hate those people… And if you do that,  don’t tell me because I don’t want to hate you either. OK I don’t hate the people I hate the action.) so anger at this white van… What kept going through my mind was that his slow driving was cutting into my walking time in the morning before work. Every second was taking one step off of my Fitbit. That’s reaction was a little extreme over a few steps… And no I didn’t yell or cuss them out  or flip them off or anything like that,  I just silently fumed.  On my breaks I walked and I tried to time it perfectly so that I got back to my desk right when I needed to be there.  But,  if I didn’t time the elevator right and ended up at my desk on or two or heaven forbid 3 minutes early I sat there and fumed because I just wasted a minute or two of walking.  How many steps did I lose! I didn’t like those moments of anger that coursed through me.  I don’t want to be obsessed. I guess that goes back into my goals and thoughts about where I want to be in where I am… Obsession is not sustainable.


So what is the take away from my Fitbit experience this week. I am absolutely positive that I will reach my goal of 40,000 steps this week. I have 4198 steps to take today. That’s doable even if I skip one of my walks on a break, I won’t have to walk in place in the elevators for the bathrooms while I wait for a stall, I won’t have to take extra loops at warp speed around the block to get extra steps on my lunch break. I may not even have to walk before work, if I get there in time. So I’m comfortable for today. (I do plan on walking on all my breaks  and even before work just because it’s good for me and healthy to boot.). And I will be looking to see if I can change my fit bit goal to 8000 steps a day. 8000 is doable for me with a little push. So if I slack I won’t feel that celebration go off on my wrist(My fit bit Alta vibrates and the display shows fireworks when I reach my goal.) I went for many many months and didn’t reach 10,000 steps and when I finally did that goal vibration blew my mom because I forgot what it feels like to be successful. I’m not sure I can change it… But I’m gonna try. Eventually I would like to move it back to 10,000 steps… But for right now 8000 is perfect For me.

 

Tracking:   I fall apart during the weekends.  Really.  I don’t track, I eat more poorly.  I eat more.  I eat more often.  And my weekends ALWAYS show me up on the scales.  My work weeks seem to be doing pretty good.  I’m slowly dropping weight during the work week…only to have the weekends wipe my progress away.  Yeah, it’s a vicious cycle.  So a few changes are going into effect. 

1.        My official weigh in day will now be Friday.  I’m doing this because I want to see the efforts of my week…and I want that tidal wave of pride to carry me through the weekend.

2.       Tracking…I track during the work week but tend to ‘forget’ on the weekends.  That is stopping!

3.       Lunches on the weekend will more closely resemble the weekday lunches as much as possible.  That means lunches will be mostly fruits and veggies…..if possible.  (If not possible, I better ‘earn’ the calories through some awesome exercise to account for the extra food I eat!

 

It’s Friday and I have weighed every day, and every day of the week day I have seen my weight drop just a little. I’m on the right track!