Bring on the fun!

Ahhh welcome to the weekend!    I'm not going to say much.  I am just excited about the weekend.  You see, for years the weekend was something that came along and I was so excited to watch a movie, relax on the couch and all sorts of things all sedentary in nature.  Somehow my thinking has adjusted and changed in the last few months.   NOW I'm excited about the weekend arriving because I have a run (or two) planned.  I have a walking date with Sherry.  I'm going to get my new bike checked out by my brother and hopefully get out on the road with it.  I also hope to get out the canal on my trek (riding the Trek is not contingent upon getting myself outfitted to ride the Lightspeed).   I've got so much activity that I want to do.  For some reason, it's not exercise when I think about it....it's just FUN stuff.  When did this change in my mind???     Zumba is the same, I know it's activity and exercise but for me it's just a fun part of my life.  I'm finding my groove and learning to love some activities.  I thought that was an impossibility for me!

That said, I don't want to get to comfortable because these feelings and this attitude is so new that it could change and the old MaryFran could emerge at the drop of a hat.   So I'm guarding against any possible reemergence of that old MaryFran.

My eating was in line today.  It was  my scheduled rest day.  My body didn't feel utterly tired and in need of the rest day this week.  I can tell I didn't push myself as hard this week.  That's OK, there is an ebb and flow in life.  Meanwhile, just because my body didn't feel like it needed the break, that doesn't mean that I ignored the rest day.  Nope, I still took it easy.  My body is raring to go now......bring on the FUN!!!  Bike rides, walks, runs and whatever else I can think of to do!!!!

So farewell until Monday....I have some fun to attend to!

My body thanks me!

I would like to thank the people that have commented on my blog of late concerned about my well being.  I would like to say that I have been doing this for quite some time.  I started and continue under the direction of my doctor. They both know exactly what I have done and am doing to lose weight.  I also started under the umbrella of Weight Watchers.  While I no longer calculate and track according to weight watchers points, their guidelines are still deeply embedded in my mind.  I have compared the calories to points and even though I have ‘forsaken’ Weight Watchers, my eating runs right in line with what I would have eaten should I be counting weight watchers points.  Which is a proven system and greatly approved by doctors…in fact many doctors recommend using weight watchers because it is a healthy approach…nothing fanatical like fasting once or twice a week just to lose weight (I actually worked with a gal once that took the fasting to the extreme…she fasted the whole work week and only ate on weekends…NUTS…personally for anything other than religious reasons, fasting is an unhealthy practice even if only for a day) or eating only cumquats for every meal.  (What the heck is a cumquat!) or something crazy such as only eating foods that begin with the letter S. (don’t lie, you are thinking about what foods you could eat that start with S!)  Anyway, I digress….. I have been doing what should be done!

My blog is more of a touchy feely blog…emotions about weight loss, celebrations and struggles.  I like it that way……but not today. I’m going to go scientific and a bit mathematicl on you……

 That said, I have heard the concerns and I wanted to verify and double check my numbers and figures.   I even included websites for my research for the most basic of information….just because that’s how I roll (damn overachiever that I am).   LOL

 The first thing I looked at was how many calories I need to eat a day to maintain my weight.  I found this table first…

Gender	Age (years)	Sedentaryb	Moderately Activec	Actived
Child	2-3	1,000	1,000-1,400	1,000-1,400
Female	4-8 9-13 14-18 19-30 31-50 51+	1,200 1,600 1,800 2,000 1,800 1,600	1,400-1,600 1,600-2,000 2,000 2,000-2,200 2,000 1,800	1,400-1,800 1,800-2,200 2,400 2,400 2,200 2,000-2,200
Male	4-8 9-13 14-18 19-30 31-50 51+	1,400 1,800 2,200 2,400 2,200 2,000	1,400-1,600 1,800-2,200 2,400-2,800 2,600-2,800 2,400-2,600 2,200-2,400	1,600-2,000 2,000-2,600 2,800-3,200 3,000 2,800-3,000 2,400-2,800

 The table is just a general idea of where you need to be and that wasn’t good enough for me, I wanted specifics.  THUS, I went to  http://www.medicalnewstoday.com/articles/245588.php   where they have a nifty little calculator that figures up your base metabolic rate.  I figured up my base rate.  For a sedentary lifestyle for me that is 1764.  This second website also then has you add in your lifestyle.  I do pretty heavy intense exercise 6 times a week.  So I adjusted my base metabolic rate according to the instructions on the website…which took me to 2206.25. (wow….it’s only 6.5 calories off of the table….I guess I didn’t need to do all the double checking on the second website).  So that is the amount of calories that I need to eat to MAINTAIN my weight.

However, we all know that I’m not in this to maintain my weight at this point. (although knowing those numbers will come in handy in the future!  J   I’m in this to LOSE.  I have always been told by my doctors and weight watchers that 2 pounds is the most that you should be losing on average each week.  Everything else is to much.  But for the sake of this post I decided to add a website showing this figure as the acceptable.  http://www.shape.com/weight-loss/weight-loss-strategies/ask-diet-doctor-losing-10-pounds-week-safe So for the sake of argument I’m aiming at 2 pounds loss a week…average. 

So how do you lose 2 pounds a week?  Really weight loss is just like a budget.  Deposits versus withdraw.  Your deposits are what you are eating….your withdraw is what your body is spending to keep you moving (Stop laughing, you thought I was going to say your withdraw was what you leave in the bathroom….I’m SOOO not that crass…..ha ha ha).   It’s a budget….calories in versus calories out.  Just like your financial budget.  If you want to save money you have to spend less money than you earn.  Likewise, to lose weight I have to eat less than I burn.  So it is common knowledge that there it takes a deficit of  roughly 3500 calories to lose a pound.  http://goaskalice.columbia.edu/how-many-calories-does-it-take-lose-one-pound  So if I want to lose the max recommended poundage each week, I need to cut my calories by 7000 each week.  (simple math…3500 plus 3500 equals 7000).

So let’s do the math….I need to cut my calories by 1000 each day in order to lose 2 pounds a week.  7000 calories divided by 7 days of the week equals 1000.   If I could draw a line in this blog post I would draw a line back to the paragraph about the base metabolic rate.  I can’t, so you will have to remember… my base metabolic rate is 2206.5 (at my current rate of exercise).   SO for me to lose 2 pounds a week I need to cut my calories down to 1206.5   Guess what?  I actually right now aim for 1250……I’m dead flat on with what I am aiming for to eat…maybe even a bit high.  

Is this plan perfect and fail proof?  No!  Some weeks my body doesn’t lose like it should.  It is not a given that I WILL lose 2 pounds.  This plan is just a theory, a base.  It’s based on science. It’s approved by doctors, trainers (yes, I’ve had fitness professionals recommend it), this is actually what Jillian Michaels expounded upon in her first (I think first) book and if you match up the calories with points that weight watchers uses it equals about to be the same. 

I work the plan better than most. .  I don’t fill up my calories with empty calories.  Fast food, junk food, etc etc is not part of my diet.  I will admit to some nights splurging and having a ½ cup of ice cream or some other sweet snack…SOME nights I said, not every night.  However, the bulk of my calories are filling, healthy nutritional foods.   They are foods that fill me up and leave me feeling satisfied all day long. 

Ok, that said.  I do not drop down way low in my calories.  I do not have days where I only eat 600 or 700 calories.  That is way to low and totally unhealthy.  I eat a balanced diet and actually feel full and satisfied throughout the day.  I eat healthy natural filling foods.    I do exercise a lot.  I exercise because right now it is the outlet for my stress.  It is where I drown my sorrows. 

I track everything I eat.  I won’t lie about that. However, I am not anal about measuring and counting.  Every once in a while I will measure just to make sure that I am on target, but I do not want to be tracking nazi.  I want to live my life.  So in reality, I KNOW that when I say I’m eating 1250 calories that I may, just may be eating 1300 or 1400.   It’s a trade off for me……I track, I exercise lots but I don’t worry so much about measuring every morsel of food that goes into my mouth.

As for the amount of exercise I do…..I average between 1 hour to 1.5 hours a day (mostly about 1).  It is MY time.  Its kinda scary because I am finding that I LOVE it.  I am exercising not because I have to….or because I need to. I’m doing it because I’m happy with myself when I do.  For the first time in a long time I feel as if I’m doing something GOOD and RIGHT.  It clears my mind from all the negative stuff that swirls in my  mind all day.  I do it for ME.  I miss it when I don’t do it.  I daydream about the liberation that exercise brings me….and the way my body feels when I complete a hard workout.  That sense of pride is indescribable.   That said, I’m not pushing myself to the brink of disaster.   I take a day of rest and allow my body to rest.  Sometimes my body demands an extra day of rest and you know what?  I allow it.  Generally speaking, we are under-using our bodies by a long shot.   Our bodies are capable of so much and we are not even coming near reaching our bodies potential.    I thought for a long time that if I exercised heavy and intensely that I was going to hurt myself.  That’s not the case.  I’m eating healthy foods that fuel my body.  I’m not starving myself (in fact, if you could see how much food I do eat…lol).  My body responds well.  I come home from a run and I’ve got more energy, pep and vigor that if I didn’t.  My body thanks me!

 

A long way indeed

Sometimes if it feels as if I am treading water in this journey.  The journey seems long.  I feel as if it is two steps forward and one step back.  This mornings run was that way.  It wasn't a good run.  Oh, I didn't hurl, or fall down or anything.  I didn't have to stop and walk.  I just felt tired and my time was SLOW and I cut it short (that was probably a mistake, maybe I should have pushed through it) by about a half mile to a mile. (Stupid GPS program malfunctioned on me AGAIN...second run in a row).

The old MaryFran wanted to come home and beat myself up about what felt like two steps backwards whilst eating a whole batch of cookie dough while I flipped the big stack of pancakes that I wanted to eat in order to tide me over to the cinnamon rolls that I could have in the oven in two shakes of a lambs tail.  (yeah, loving to bake and cook is murder because even though I don't have the sweets in the house, it only takes a few minutes to whip up a batch of delightful food).  No, I didn't do any of that.  I made the planned breakfast for us and then I realized it was the beginning of May....and that called for a measurement day.

I took my measurements.  My arms and my legs didn't hold any major changes...maybe a half inch off my thighs...but no major changes.  My torso though...EVERY measurement that I took (and I take five from breasts down to hips) showed me dropping 1 inch!  PROGRESS!

Seeing the inches drop made me look realistically at my weight.  I've dropped 28,2 pounds this year alone!   That is SPECTACULAR!   Even more spectacular?????   From my highest weight ever, I am down 91.8 pounds!   Holy cow!  I'm creeping up on the 100 pounds lost mark!       PROGRESS!!!!

I run!   PROGRESS!!

But lets break the running down even further.  On January 31,  I started to run.  I was doing a C25K program.  90 seconds of running about near killed me.  I remember the second week (I think it was the second week) when we had to run for three minutes straight.  Sherry and I were together and we were SURE that the program had stopped because it had gone on forever and a day!  I can now run for 45 minutes straight.  I may be slower than a turtle in peanut butter, but I am out there doing it.  I used to go for 20 minutes and barely broke a mile and was exhausted.  Now I jog for 45 minutes or about 3.5 miles and come home reinvigorated.  Yeah, my body is tired but I'm so hyped up that I am super productive.  I've come a LONG way indeed in running.  So what that today was a crappy run.....I STILL DID IT!  And on January 31, I couldn't!  PROGRESS

I will leave you with pictures from my morning run this morning.  It may have been a slug fest for my legs and body, but it was GORGEOUS to my eyes!

Disjointed Catch up

Really the things I have to say don't really flow into one easy blog post so I'm going to write random paragraphs.  Some may build upon each other, other will be totally random!

******I went to the gym yesterday morning.  I ran for 2 miles on the treadmill (25 minutes or thereabouts) then I moved to the exercise bike and biked for 25 minutes (10 plus miles) and then I worked on my upper body.  While I was doing the cardio I was pushing it and working it.  My heart rate was high in my zone and I felt GREAT!   Even when my heart rate is really high in my zone (both based on the generic age zone and the zone based upon my resting heart rate) I can still talk and converse like normal....which is the unofficial litmus test.  So I'm not worried about maxing myself out.  When I get to that point, I back off  :-)    I'm not in this to hurt myself or damage any components of my body!

******We don't have a lot of extra money, but I've been slowly saving my 'allowance' for ages.  I've been slowly watching my stash of money grow.  I also occasionally totally deplete that stash and have to start again.  The saving has been for a road bike.  I have had a Trek Nav and I have LOVED it.  It was just what I needed when I bought it.  It is still an awesome bike to ride on the canal.  It has been a reliable and wonderful bike.  But, I want to branch out and ride on the roads and while I can on my Trek, it just isn't as feasible.  I've in essence outgrown the Trek. (that said I'm NOT getting rid of my Trek!) So I saved.  Recently I started to watch for used bikes on Craigslist and other used outlets.   I didn't want to go bottom of the barrel with an entry level bike (I knew that I would quickly outgrow the bike..and the limitations of the bike).  But good road bikes are expensive!   I have contacted bike ad after bike ad.  I've either gotten there too late and the bike is gone already or the bike is built for a giant (ok ok ok, 60cm frames are not for giants...they are just too big for me!).  FINALLY on Monday I saw  bike on Craigslist that would work for me size wise!  It is a Lightspeed Vela.   Lightspeed is a high end bike manufacturer that for a while made some entry level bikes (retailing for about $1500-2000). It didn't last long becuase they were just not making a profit on the bike.  Anyway, I contacted her within an hour of her placing the ad.  It looked good.  I had my brother researching it.  I went and looked at the bike last night and it looked good  and I purchased it.  So I now have a road bike.  I have to either swap out the pedals or buy a pair of clip shoes so I can ride it.  I also have to figure out how the shifting mechanism works.  I rode the bike around the neighborhood and got it to shift once or twice but admittedly, I'm sure it is user error.  (My brother laughed when I told him over the phone my shifting issues and also agreed that it was most likely user error).  The bike took me to the limit of what I had saved.  I have 75 bucks (and that is only leaving 3 dollars in my savings account) left after buying the bike...and that will probably be sucked into the few things I need to actually ride the bike.   (I either need to swap to flat top pedals or buy clipped shoes and learn to actually use them)   I always hate hate hate depleting my savings. I hate parting with my moldy money, but oh well.....   I only hope that this purchase turns out to be money well spent!  Meaning that I love the bike and that I USE the bike a LOT!  (My brother thinks that since this is my first road bike and I have nothing to compare it with, that I will automatically love it.....he said it's like how we all remember our first car with love and fond memories!)

*****   Photoshoots of people..while not my favorite thing to do (I prefer architecture, nature, scenery, inanimate objects) helps build the savings account...so hopefully soon I can pick up  few small shoots!  I do have a wedding that I'm supposed to shoot in about a month...so whew I can start rebuilding the funds that I just depleted to buy my bike!  That and my 'allowance'. Allowance at age 40?  Yes, Todd and I each payday get a set amount of money to put into our pockets.  This is OUR money.  If we want to skip packing a lunch for work, we can use our allowance to eat out.  Or we can pack our lunch and save our money and use it for hobbies (Todd just purchased a bunch of stuff for his beermaking hobby AND a bunch of stuff for his painting hobby).   It's our money to do with what we want.  It keeps our random spending for our own purposes (hobbies and fun) in check.  NO, when we do something together like dinner out last night it comes from the 'general' fund.

******  The bike I purchased last night was in Germantown...which is about an hour away from me.  So after work Todd and I took a little trip.  Of course we planned to go to dinner after looking at the bike. (oh heck, that was a trip for ME and my bike...should I have purchased dinner out of my allowance?  ha ha ha  No, it came from the general fund....we hadn't eaten out in about 2 weeks so we were good!)  We ended up at Red Robin.  I had eaten accordingly all day.  How does one eat accordingly all day?  Well, I filled up my lunchbox with low calories/low fat items.  I ate just as much as any other day and actually didn't even eat everything in my lunchbox because it was a LOT of food, I just planned my food wisely to give myself the maximum calories to spend at dinner.  I walked into the restaurant with about 700 of my daily calories left from my base calories.  I started looking.  My normal sandwich was 900 calories (or thereabouts.  YIKES!  I don't know if they just changed their menus to add the calories of if I had just never noticed...we hadn't been at Red Robin since before I started watching my weight again.    I looked for  lessor sandwich and thought about settling for something else to save a few calories.  I finally decided to get the sandwich that I wanted but to swap out the fries (and they do have pretty decent fries) for the fruit salad.  Nice trade and only put me at about 1000 calories for the meal (and that is only 300 calories over!!!)  Todd (Mr. Sabotage   ha ha ha) really wanted the pretzel bites.  So I agreed.   I counted my calories and entered them in.  I'm about 500 calories over for the day (putting me at 1800 calories for the day give or take).    I panicked for a moment or two there after we ordered.  But then I calmed myself down and reminded myself of two things.  The first thing?   I exercised HARD in the morning so even though I was eating more, I had at least burnt those calories already in the morning..plus some.  And no, I don't subscribe to that attitude with my exercise.  But on occasion it actually works!   The second thing?   Our bodies get in ruts with what we are eating.  Jillian Michael's first book (I think it's the first one) was a great read and she actually encouraged the readers to change up their calorie counts.  She recommends to have four or five consecutive low days and then pop it up and have a high caloric day thrown in there.  She advocated that it would keep your metabolism from getting into a 'rut.'    I know that when I was losing my weight the first time I would watch carefully EVERY MEAL of the week except one.  On weigh in nights at weight watchers, I would leave my weigh in and I would have a TOTAL splurge meal.  Comfort foods....pizza.....whatever I wanted.   I consistently lost weight too!  (and eventually you also find that your splurges are not the 3000 calorie splurges that you once had....like me...I am only 500 over for the whole stinkin' day...on a splurge day!)   It worked for me.  So I had to remind myself of that last night.    So I stepped on the scale this morning....the verdict??????????   I stayed EXACTLY the same!   224.6!   So I know to buckle down today.  NO splurges....clean eating...and all will be well. Oh and that maintain (and Sundays loss of 1 pound) comes along with the monthly ick!

***** I'm solidly into a woman's size 16.  I found the first time I lost weight that there is a huge break between woman's size 16 and regular size 16.  So 16 is the "feels like forever" size.  It's almost as if there is an extra size in there.  16a and 16b.  Regardless...I'm into 16 women's.....my size 18's are getting loose....the 20's are off my shelves and in a storage tote/bin.  Moving right along!

*****  It's Wednesday.  The work week will soon be officially half over!  Can't wait for the weekend!  Todd and I can hopefully get on our bikes or do something active on Friday afternoon when I get off at 2.  (he mentioned a game of tennis, I mentioned a bike ride on the canal).  I also will be having my brother look at my new baby...my road bike and I'll be getting geared up for that.  Lets see, I'll get a run or two in there.....and a walk with Sherry.  But in the meantime...it's Wednesday...so work all day....zumba tonight.   Maybe I can even squeeze in a yoga workout or maybe a step aerobics workout this morning before work (it makes me feel so much better to workout in the morning....revs me up and makes me feel alive for my day!   I better skedaddle!


 

Winning is not what you think!

Our society has a very warped sense of what winning really is.   We think we know...but it's totally wrong!!!!

I was talking to my friend Sherry yesterday about her daughter and her daughters issues with sports.  Her daughter starts gung ho and then peters out.  I was the same way growing up.  I wanted to try lots, but then I hit the brick wall (be it pain, boredom, etc etc etc) and quit.  I told my friend that she needs to focus on the victory being in that her daughter completes the season.  The victory is not in setting wonderful records or winning every game.  The victory is that she does it and COMPLETES it! 

 This conversation was fresh in my mind while my brother and I talked later in the afternoon.  We were talking about soccer.  He is coaching a young team (my 6 year old nephew is on that team). His beef with coaching the team is that the purpose of the age group that he is coaching is to get the kids out there and moving and to let them have fun.  He stresses out because some parents are hard core about winning.  These parents are running up and down the sidelines yelling at the kids and pushing the kids.  They are stealing the fun from the kids because the pressure to win has been elevated. Seriously, these kids are 6 years old!    My brothers words were 'we are creating a society of children, future adults that are hyped up on winning.'  We are teaching them that winning is the end all be all and nothing else matters.   Is this really what we want?

My brother and I talked about team sports and such.  I looked at him and said "I think that's why I'm liking running".   He looked at me and smiled and asked me to clarify (although I think he knew what I was going to say.)   I replied with. " Lets look at the Boston Marathon simply because that's all we hear about lately....they had what?  30,000 runners?"  He and my sister in law nodded in agreement to my rough (really rough) estimate.  I went on.  "I would wager a bet that there were only a handful of people that ran that that actually even thought that they had a snowballs chance in hell of winning that thing."   Less than 100 people probably were really only contenders to win.  (And I'm being very liberal, I bet it was even less than that).  Yet tens of thousands of other people ran it.  Why? Why would they run it if they knew they were not going to win?"   I of course paused dramatically at that point before I made my profound point.   "They did it because for them the victory was in finishing the race.  The victory was in possibly setting a personal record for running  marathon.  The victory was in the flush of success!"    THAT is what sportsmanship and winning is about. 

My brother quickly nodded his head. He looked at me and said "Most individual sports are like that.  Why do you think I ride a bicycle?  I win every time I climb a bigger hill in at a faster pace.  I win each and every timee I successfully finish."  My brother looked toward my niece who was sitting quietly listening to the conversation.  "Ali gets it.  While there are winners in gymnastics and she is striving to win and we do celebrate when she places, she is competing against herself.  She celebrates her 'best ever' scores.  She is competing against herself first and foremost!" 

That is what winning is about.  It's about competing with yourself.  Some days winning is simply getting out there and running or riding or whatever.  Some days it's about setting a personal best record.  Admittedly, some days it IS about taking first place in an event....but not always. Winning is SIMPLY doing it!

That all said.  I have been very quiet about posting goals and numbers and such.  I know round about where I want to be weight wise, but I'm not stressing about it. Yes, I would like to be there as soon as possible and I would LOVE to set goals to be a a certain weight by a certain time.  But I'm refusing to set goals like that...they only set us up to fail.  But I'm going to set a goal today.   Right now I'm running a 5k distance in bout 43 minutes (that was Saturdays run).  My goal for Mary 18th, which is the paws on the pavement 5k that I am registered for is the run that in under 40.  I don't care if it is one second shy of forty minutes, I want to be UNDER 40!   So I have to shave 3 minutes off my time in 3 weeks.  Can I do it????   Yikes!   That's my goal! 

Why quit?

I'm a quitter.  Yes, that's me, or rather it was the old me.  It has taken me years 40 to be exact to 'get it'.  It has taken me 40 years to realize that you don't quit when  it gets tough.  You don't quit when you get bored.  You don't quit when you don't like it.  You push through and FINISH.   It started with me working to finish some of my unfinished cross stitch projects.  (I've made headway...out of the ten unfinished projects that I had last fall, I now only have 3...and that will go down to 2 in the next day or so!).  It carried through to the C25K program.  I was DETERMINED to finish it and I did!  I'm tired of being a quitter.  I am going to be the finisher from now on!

My favorite quote from The Biggest loser was a few years ago when one of the contestants realized that they were not going to win a difficult challenge so they just walked off and didn't finish it.  When the reckoning with the trainers came about the results of the challenge Bob looked at the contestant and said "What's the use of starting if you are just going to quit?"   How true!!!  

So the previous two weeks of my weigh ins I posted WONDERFUL numbers    I lost 2.9  pounds one week and the following week I lost 3.1 pounds.  Yes, 6 pounds in two weeks!   I worked my tail end off this week and my eating was spot on.  This week I posted a 1 pound loss.  I'm OK with that.  7 pounds in 3 week is AWESOME! 

The other day I officially registered for Pedal to Preserve in Lancaster, County on June 1!   The first time I did this ride I weighed about 210 pounds (give or take).  I'm 225.6.  I don't think I can get back to that 210 in time for the ride this year (how cool would that be) , but I am to be as close as I possibly can be!!  (OK, I'll be happy with being in in my 'teens' so anywhere 219 or below! 

I am realizing that my blog is being overrun with running information. ....and so utterly repetitive! Oh well....it's my blog so read on.......!!

Saturday was gorgeous!  Absolutely gorgeous.  My husband was judging a battle of the bands at a local campground park.  We had passes in and and heard that they had some great hiking trails, so the plan was to go hiking after the end of the battle of the bands.  However, that didn't materialize (Todd hadn't eaten lunch and was hungry so we went home).  I didn't let that stop me from being active.  He went out to mow and I went to the C&;O Canal and ran.  I started the run and almost immediately I felt heavy and just well slow.  I wasn't quitting.  The run quickly became a thing of 'I just want to finish the miles I had planned"  It was not a thing of trying to better my time it was simple a thing of finishing.   I ran (ok ok ok, I jogged) onward!  I started noticing that my heart rate was running higher than normal.  Odd.  Very odd. Could it have been that I don't normally run in the afternoon, so maybe my HR is higher in the afternoon?  I thought about it for a while, but then just said  oh well, I wasn't in any danger, and I wasn't struggling to breathe so I just carried on.  Eventually I checked my mileage and that's when I realized why my heart rate was higher.  I was pushing it at my fastest and while I thought I was going slow, I was actually running at a fast clip (for me).  I finished my run with 3.5 miles on the clock and my best average pace ever (I did walk a cumulative of about 30-60 seconds).   What shocked me was my fastest pace.  I just keep track of it, but I don't hold it as any set in stone thing, just basically as the fact that I for a few short seconds at least, got my body moving that fast.  I was previously tickled because I had showed a 10:00 fastest pace.  I finished yesterday with a fastest pace of 8.27.  What?   My body actually went that fast (even if only for a few seconds).  ha ha ha     So what felt slow actually was a pretty good run!!!


Sunday morning I woke up at 5:30 and I was out on the battlefield early.  I wanted to get my run in before my weekly Sunday morning walk with Sherry!  I don't know many stats about the run as my GPS malfunctioned (I have no clue what happened).  I did actually realize this fact about a half mile into my run but said 'screw it' and decided to just run to run.  I knew the route I was using would be just a hair over 3 miles so that was all I needed.  :-)   I finished it in an average time frame and my heart rate actually ran lower than normal.  Go figure.  Oh well.  (and I knew I wasn't pushing it as hard as I could during my run because of my heart rate reports). 

Running on the battlefield at sunrise makes me want to get out with my camera!!!!!!!   So home now....relaxing......I'm going to have lunch and then mosey up to hang with my family for the day.  Not sure what I'll get into whilst there!

Analyze ME!

Last night was one of those nights where I had a vivid dream, one that I remembered clear as a bell when I woke up.

I walked into the gym.  (not my own gym weirdly enough) There were people everywhere.  I looked around for an empty machine to hop upon.  I had originally planned to hop on an elliptical, but it really didn't matter what I used.  I would be just as content on the treadmill or a bike, I could adjust.   I weaved through the people toward an empty elliptical (which turned out to be a stair climber instead).  I hopped on and started to workout.  I listened to the chatter around me.  They were holding a fat-to-fit boot camp (Is there even such a thing?)  and lucky me, I was working out right in the midst of the first workout.  I tried to focus on myself but I couldn't help but see the overweight gal standing next to me.  (I won't bore you with the details of what she was wearing, the color of her hair) She was on a treadmill and she was cranking away.  Her face was beat red.  She was pushing herself to the utter max.  I started to worry about her.  Seriously, she looked like she was going to have a heart attack at any minute.  I glanced at the fit to fat instructor that was supposed to be watching the group and he was preoccupied.  I looked back at this woman and she wasn't there anymore.   She was kneeling and bent over on the floor at the end of the treadmill crying and sobbing.  When I hopped off and went to her, she sobbed out her frustration.  She was frustrated with exercise already after only a minute or two.  "I can't even make it a minute, there is no way"    I talked to her for a few minutes (the instructor never showed up through that) and figured out that she was frustrated because she wanted to do it and do it 'right' and she couldn't.  She told me that she wanted to do what everyone else was doing so that she didn't stick out like a sore thumb. She wanted to follow the fit-to-fat instructions.    After talking to her and listening and remembering what I saw while she was on the treadmill I knew that she indeed COULD exercise, that it was just a simple problem of she wanted to be fit right at that moment.  She looked at me and said "you are doing it".   I laughed and said, I'm a big girl, still but I've worked my butt off to get to the level of physical fitness that I am at and I still have a long way to go.  I instructed her to get on the treadmill  She was hesitant but did it.  And then I started the treadmill so that she was walking at a snails pace.  She did it and she immediately pushed the buttons until the treadmill was flying by at warp speed, in the dream it was set at speed 43  (ha ha ha,, as if a treadmill cold go that fast).  Yes, she flew backwards (ok ok ok , that didn't happen but I wish it would have..that would have added some comic relief to my dream).  I pushed her back to a slower pace.  She kept looking around and wanting to go faster (back to that speed of 43)   I had to work to keep her going at a slow pace.  She had to see that she could do it.  We slowly added more speed until she was at a comfortable pace.   I was in the middle of reminding her that we all have to start somewhere and we can't push ourselves too fast.  At this point the very hot looking instructor arrived and without butting in just started to listen in.  The dream did go on..but well, that involves the instructor and I and some private.......  (Dang, once again that didn't happen......DRAT!   Or did it?????  ha ha ha)

I woke up from my dream and I remembered how far I've come.  Not just in my running, but in my whole physical fitness.  I've had some major ups and downs in my physical fitness in the last few years.  But I have come SOOOO far.  I have been the girl on the treadmill trying to do what they say is the 'thing' to do, the 'speed' to go, the 'incline' to achieve.  Years back I had to come to the realization that exercise is immensely personal.  My abilities lie within myself, not within what someone else tells me I SHOULD be doing.  It is not contingent upon what the person on the next treadmill is doing.  It is contingent upon what my body says it can do (notice I didn't say what my brain says I can do...that's a totally different story).  Sometimes we have to swallow our pride and start small.   Slow as a snail on the treadmill was a victory for the gal in the dream.   Slow as a slug running (but improving each time I run) is a victory for ME!  

So any other deep thoughts about my dream?  Should I take anything else from this dream????   Analyze me!

Today is my day of rest.  Goodness, I love the day of rest....ok, my BODY loves my day of rest.  But my mind is just itching to get out there and do something!  What a quandary!  (and heck, where did the old MaryFran go!)   My eating is planned for today.  I made a nice breakfast for Todd and I and I have packed my lunch and snacks.  Yes, I am still trying to adhere to this new 'habit' of eating a snack between my meals.  One snack for today is carrots and dip and the other snack is grapes.    I'm doing pretty good with the whole thing though.  The first couple days of the snacks, I would pack my snacks but forget to eat them, but I've got that regulated now...I think.  :-)    So food for today is ready to roll and I'm in charge!  I like the feeling of being in charge.  A food addiction leaves one feeling so out of control...and this in charge feeling feels dang good!!!!

A little bit of this and that

It hit me last night during zumba.  I was all calm, cool and collected when I casually said that I had to cut a mile off my normal run.  Uhhhh three months go I couldn't run more than 90 seconds without feeling as if my lungs were exploding and now I'm talking about dropping a mile due to time and still haven't completed 2.5 miles even without that mile.  The progress that I've made just totally hit me lst night!

Yesterday was a good day.  I got run in in the morning.  (and I liked what I saw on the gps/tracker thingy).  I worked a few hours and in the afternoon Todd and I went for a walk/hike in the afternoon on one of our favorite trailes on the battlefield.  We hiked/walked about 3-4 miles.

 

I did a bit of laundry and some stuff around the house (prepped for dinner, prepped some food for future meals for the next couple days, etc etc etc) and then headed to Zumba.  After zumba I was greeted with a gorgeous sight!  You can faintly see the double rainbow in spots.....

 

 

I dont' have much else to say.  My eating is spot on. I'm happy with where I'm at and what I'm doing.  I've got the food addiction currently buckled down tight and that is good.  I am not expecting great things on the scale.  For one reason, I've had two incredible weeks on the scales.  Secondly, the monthly scourge should arrive that can herald a lower than average week in my weight loss efforts.   I'm not expecting great things....but I'm fighting to achieve them.  Just becuase I'm not expecting them, it doesn't mean that I am not doing the work to GET them!  In other news,   I'm fighting some depression and sadness in everyday life, but I'm pushing onward.  

 

 

Addiction

Another day has dawned. I actually saw the dawn too. Last night I pondered my plans for the day. I knew that up on deck for my day was the hour of social fun, also known as zumba at 6:45PM. I also knew that should the weather and my husband both be amendable that we would hike or bike in the afternoon after I got off work (at noon today). I have learned to not count on that as a plan because the weather has been fickle and well, my husband is also fickle when it comes to those things too. I just take our walks and hikes as fun activity and not so much as exercise (although it is that). I WANTED to run. This running thing is quickly becoming a thing that I want to do and when I do not do it, it really bothers me. I decided that while my alarm was set for 6:30 that if my body woke up naturally early enough (5:30) that I would go for an early morning run. (This is not too abnormal, because I typically wake up between 5:30 and 6). Like clockwork this morning I woke up at 5:30. I wanted to go running so bad…but my body was sooooo comfortable in bed. And then I saw a post on face book. The picture is posted at the end of this post (I haven’t figured out how to place pictures interspersed into the post while posting from my phone). I was up and out the door within minutes. It was gorgeous….deer were feasting in the fields as I ran in the dusky dawn light. I didn’t push myself too incredibly hard. I hoped and thought that maybe I was going faster but it felt pretty comfortable so I thought that I was simply running at my average pace. I was ok with that. I was also ok with the fact that I knocked a mile off my normal run. I had to get back to my house to shower, for some reason my co-workers want me to shower before I come to work. I finished and looked at my app that tracks my mileage and pace. What????? My average pace was 12:49 What??? Are you serious????? At the beginning of April my average pace was running about 14:50 . Granted, my heart rate was about 10 beats faster per minute but that will drop as it becomes more comfortable for me! Progress! (Now I just need to get that pace to be my consistent pace…and of course get faster!) I am going to beat this running thing yet!

I was thinking about running last night while I planned and plotted and this morning whilst running. What is the attraction to running? It started as a personal mission to actually complete something I had tried to do time and time again. I was determined to smash that C25K program in the keister! I did it! Then I started on this mission to run WELL and FAST! I’m currently on that mission. Is that this attraction? Or is it something deeper, dare I say an addiction? Just conquering something or is this attraction something deeper. I’m just very curious. Regardless, I’m going to ride the wave and see where this running thing takes me. (Would I be sick if I admitted that when I stripped my clothes this morning after I ran that I was immensely proud that my tee shirt was drenched with sweat? That’s kinda gross isn’t it???)

Life has been crazy. I’ve had some depression and sadness. (That’s the understatement of the year.) The exercise for me is the way to shut out the sadness and the dark. It’s almost as if when I’m sweating my guts out that I’m shedding some of the sadness, if only for a few minutes. Is this transference of an addiction? I’ll admit it…..it probably is. Instead of eating away my sorrows, I’m going outside and sweating my guts out! Is it healthy? Emotionally, probably not. I don’t know that any addiction is good. Is this addiction hurting me like my addiction to food? No. I’m not doing the exercise thing stupidly. I don’t like pain. So the other morning when I was really achy, I didn’t run. This morning my legs felt fine when I went to the bathroom, so I knew I was ok. So maybe since I’m operating under the guidance of how my body feels I don’t have an addiction. Ha ha ha Regardless…..I’m riding the wave! All I know is that exercise clears my mind. It makes me feel alive and it makes me happy! That's what matters!!!

My eating of late has been doing REALLY well. I don't want to say it too loudly because it can change at the blink of an eye, but the food addiction has been safely packed away of late. I don’t eat crazy since I’m exercising. I eat healthy! My calorie counts have been right where they need to be. I’ve been monitoring and limiting my intake of carbs (this is sad…so sad….but necessary) I’ve been eating lots of healthy foods. My diet has been heavy on the fruit and veggie intake. Pounds are lost in the kitchen and my weight loss (6 pounds in the last two weeks) reflects this! I’m eating healthy. I’m living life fully. I am eating out with my family when the opportunity arises, no matter where they go…..I just make the best choices possible and work to accommodate those choices within my caloric budget. I’m happy with where I’m at. It’s a good place. This is life and I’m making it work!

I try to take the focus off the numbers. But it’s so difficult to not think about how the numbers are dropping, where I’m heading and when I may possibly may get there. Regardless of how fast I want to lose the weight…my body will get there in it’s own time. Patience MaryFran…..Patience!

Selling myself Short

I'm a bit frustrated today.

  I dont' know what's up with the personal trainer.  Originally we talked about exercising tonight.  I asked, but I haven't heard back a time.   I'm not worried about the weight.  Hello, I lost 3.1 pounds this past week dn 2.9 pounds the week before....on my own!  I can and will continue this journey one way or another.  No worries about that.    My frustration is stemming from the fact that I usually have a rough schedule in my head of when I'm working out and what I"m doing. I try to plan my runs so that I'm not doing two incredibly difficult workouts on the same day.  Intervals kick my butt, so I typically have not been doing them on zumba days.  I save them for a day when my only formal exercise is running.  But,  it's hard to plan when I don't know.  So normally I would have run this morning but should I not run because I don't know what's happening tonight.  When I pack my gym bag before work, should I take zumba shoes or regular tennis shoes?   Will I be inside at zumba or outside with a personal trainer?  That affects what I wear.  Planning is huge!   It's just frustrating to not be able to plan well.

I opted to not run.  My legs were heavy.  My gym bag is packed tonight.. capri workout pants and a teeshirt with a sweatshirt thrown in for good mesure and I have both sets of shoes in my gym bag (however, since it's 8:30 and I haven't heard anything I am pretty sure that it will be a zumba night).

However more frustration mounted.  I planned on riding the exercise bike this morning.   I got myself all set up (laptop on a bar stool beside me to keep me company, music on the stereo) and I hopped on.  I spun the bike bout 10 rotations and heard a horrible grinding noise and the resistance raised to sky high.  I lowered the resistance as low as possible and the noise persisted and even on resistence of 0 it is hard to spin.  Uhhhh not good......my exercise bike is broke!   More frustration!!!


I've been starting to ponder something.  Something very serious.  Am I selling myself short?  When I was going to weight watchers I got my weight to the 180's and then stalled.  I beat my head against the wall and stalled.  Every once in a while I would dip down into the 170's but it didn't last and when I did get down there people would literally panic about my weight.  I eventually went to my doctor and talked to him about my weight.  In fairness I will say that when I went I wore a spanx type article of clothing and I sucked it in the whole time.   I told him my concerns about reaching the recommended weight to become  lifetime member  (the high end for me is 164 pounds).  He looked at me and his exact words were "honey, You look great and furthermore I think you would have to be working out like a professional athlete to be 160 or less at your age and body type"   I was happy with that.  He signed a note and I took it to the weight watchers meeting and my official goal weight (doctor recommended) is 180...and yes, I made lifetime at that goal weight.  So this 180 mark is big in my mind.  Personally though, I know that my belly was stil pudgy and fat at 180 pounds.  But yet I put this 180 pounds as the end all be all weight that I want to be at.  It's where I say I would be 'happy' at.  But I honestly think I'm selling myself short.  I think that I need to say "I want to lose it ALL!" I think I've been selling myself short!!!

Unsolicited Heart Rate Monitor Review

This is a review of my new Heart Rate Monitor. I am a total novice, but this is my findings, with a few tidbits about my exercise thrown in.

This past weekend I purchased a heart rate monitor. I have been contemplating this purchase for quite some time. I had/have a watch that I can touch and it will give me my heart rate (well, when it has batteries that are not dead) and I did use it somewhat regularly way back when….but I wanted something more. I have frequently perused the heart rate monitors online and had always steered clear of anything other than Garmin or Polar when I looked. I mean, afterall, those are the names that you hear about. So I never really looked too much at anything else. I also tended to look at the granddaddy heart rate monitors, those heart rate monitors that had GPS and all sorts of other information that would be tracked during my workout. I mean, how cool would that be? I knew that I didn’t NEED to have the GPS, I use a sweet little app on my phone that will allow me to track my runs/bike rides and give me the speed, elevation and all that data. But seriously, to not have to have my phone running (and thereby sucking the battery life from it each time I use it. So I wanted one with a GPS. I also knew I wanted one with a chest strap. So I was looking at GPS enabled heart rate monitors. The price was honestly more than I wanted to spend and thus every time I looked I tended to stop the search and say “I’ll wait.”

Last week I decided that this was the time. I was doing it. I knew I wanted a GPS model but I finally decided to buy an introductory model that didn’t have the GPS and see how much I used it and how much I liked it. Part of me hated the fact that I was going to sink between 50 and 100 dollars on a heart rate monitor and still not have what I REALLY wanted. But I talked to my husband and he agreed with my decision to start with an entry level one. He also agreed that if I do stick with this running thing that in a year or so we could upgrade me to a full fledged granddaddy heart rate monitor. (And let me say that a heart rate monitor is NOT necessary for running.)

I walked into Dick’s Sporting Good’s store on Friday afternoon. It took me a while to find the heart rate monitors (duh, I only walked by them 4 times). I was looking at the pretty pink Polar FT4. That is the heart rate that I had basically decided to get online. It was $89.99, a little more than I wanted to pay…but the next level down seemed like a pretty big jump in quality and features! So I was pretty settled. Then along comes the sales man. He asked what I was looking for and I said “A basic heart rate monitor. Nothing with lots of bells and whistles, I don’t need that at this time.” He immediately picked up the Sport line Women’s Duo. I glanced at it….$69.99. Hmm 20 bucks cheaper. I looked at him and said “I was looking at the Polar” He actually talked me out of the more expensive one. I was worried about going with a brand that I don’t readily recognize. He told me that he sees returns and hardly ever sees the return of the sportline. So I went with that. The features seemed really similar. The only feature that the sportline doesn’t have that the Polar does is saving 10 workouts in it’s memory. I log my workouts religiously anyway, so that’s not an issue.

I brought it home and set it all up on Friday evening. It was very easy to set up. Within a matter of a few minutes I had set the time, entered in my personal stats (height, weight age) and even set up the heart rate zone that I want to work within. It came with a chest strap but also has the dual function of being able to test it manually. This watch has two touch sensors. In case I’m not wearing the chest belt I can touch the sensor and it will give me my heart rate at that moment. I like having this feature, because it makes it a bit more versatile. That said, I immediately turned this feature off because I knew that I would be mostly using the chest strap. I tried the chest strap on. It fit. This may not seem like a big deal, but I’ve been obese most of my life, it was a real worry! It immediately picked up my heart rate! I felt comfortable and was ready to roll!

Saturday morning dawned and I got dressed for my run. I remembered to put the chest strap around my body. I wear it right under my bra line. I can barely feel it. (I felt it on Sunday, but since I was somewhat injured on Saturday, that is not too surprising). I started running. All of a sudden I heard a beep. I panicked for a moment, until I glanced at my watch and realized that I had set it to notify me when I had reached my target heart rate zone. I smiled to myself and continued running. My mind of course never quits. I wanted to know what it would do when I reached the top end of my zone. I pushed it full throttle. It beeped again. Yup…it let me know when I was maxing out. Other than that, wearing the heart rate monitor was pretty anticlimactic. I can hit the lap button when I want (at each mile or landmark or whatever).   It does beep every once in a while, and I'm not quite sure why.  lol 

After my run, I stopped the watch from recording. When I got home I looked at my stats. To do this you simply cycle through the different settings by pressing one button.  This watch gives me how many minutes I worked out below my zone. It give me how many minutes I work out in my zone. It gives me average heart rate. I was also able to see how many calories I really burned.  Those are the main ones I looked at. As I said, when I reset the watch for my next run, all the stats from my previous run was gone and gone for good. That is the drawback.

On Sunday I ran again using the heart rate monitor. This was the day that I could feel the chest strap (once again also most likely due to the bruising and soreness from my kersplat fall on Saturday). But even though I could feel it, it wasn’t painful, I just knew it was there. Once again, it worked like a champ! I was impressed. My heart rate registered pretty consistently with Saturdays, and each run was a ‘comfortable’ run so that makes sense and actually made me feel better about the reliability of the heart rate monitor. On Sunday I got back to the car and flipped through the settings on the watch and wrote down the numbers that I am monitoring (calories and average heart rate at this point) and then reset the watch. I had a walk to do. I monitored through the walk also. I watched the heart rate and saw it rise exponentially with inclines and then fall back to a normal walking heart rate while walking on flats.

I decided to give this heart rate monitor a total test, so when I got dressed to go to zumba sentao on Monday evening, I put on the heart rate monitor.  Being a nervous nelly, I tried to start the heart rate monitor in the car and it wouldn't set to a consistent reading and the readings I was getting was with my heart rate up at 226.  Uhhh, that is definitely NOT right.  I was panicked and continued to fiddle with it the whole ride but it never regulated and didn't start working.  (yeah, not good whilst driving).  I arrived, parked and set about trying to figure out immediately it picked up a true reading (at least more where I expected the reading to be) and worked perfectly.  Could the vibrations of the car and road messed it up.  I'm not sure.  The watch then worked perfectly throughout zumba (although I will remember to turn off the beep if I wear it to zumba again remember all those random beeps...that got annoying during zumba).  During songs that were more intense, I saw my heart rate rise, and I saw it lower.  (I was amazed at how fast my heart rate dropped back to normal between songs.  I was zumba sentao last night, I can't wait to see what happens at a regular zumba class).

 I am happy with this heart rate monitor.  The upgrade would definitely be nice to have everything all in one place, Most definitely. It would be nice to have a watch keep track of best times, personal records, my runs/bike rides, etc etc etc. But for right now, with the money that I have and my current level of fitness, this watch is perfect for me. In fact, I can garauntee that anything with more bells and whistles would have caused me to drown in the technology. I probably wouldn’t even use all those bells and whistles for a while.

 

So it's Tuesday morning and my final thoughts  on a heart rate monitor.  Honestly, do I really need one?  I think at my personal fitness level and committment it is overkill.  Just another way to sucker money out of a fat girl that wants to be thin.   What purpose does it really play in helping me?   I already push myself to that aerobic zone and when I struggle I throttle back in my intensity.  Turns out that I've been managing my workouts naturally without the help of a heart rate monitor.  I could have figured out everything I needed to know by taking my pulse for 30 seconds, multiplying it by 2 and having my heart rate...old fashioned, but it works.  The calorie thing is nice..but even though I had 'exact' calories, I still just put in the estimated number that myfitnesspal gave (which wasn't too far off....one run I burnt more calories than mfp said and the other run I burnt less calories than mfp allowed....but both times it wasn't that great of a difference).  

 

The guy that sold me the HR monitor told me that I had 90 days.  I have decided that if the personal training works out, I will definitely keep it, as I know that he is focused on us being in the right zone and it will make it easier (although he didn't say that this was a necessary thing we had to have) to check and heed his advice and instruction.   If for whatever reason this personal training thing falls through, I m not honestly sure that I will use it.  was it worth it? Probably not. Not because it didn't work, but simply because I'm not sure it's worth the money for me.  That said, I will continue to wear it for a while for every exercise and maybe my mind will change when I do an interval/speedwork run.

Weekend Review in Picture form

I knew that the weekend had the potential to be quite busy so on Friday when I got off work I headed to town to run the bulk of my errands.  I had some big purchases to make along with the normal weekly groceries.  I purchased a heart rate monitor, protein powder, blender bottles and resistance bands.    I had been waffling on the heart rate monitor for quite a while and I actually didn't get the one I wanted. (one that has GPS and all the bells and whistles).  I talked to Todd and I opted for a no frills heart rate monitor, one without the GPS and all the bells and whistles.  I figure that if the running stays around, I can upgrade later.  Right now $70-$80 bucks was a big enough investment in something I'm not sure that I'll be using all that much (will I use it if I discontinue running.....however I'm liking running so maybe it won't be discontinued.....but the jury is still out).    I have been pondering the protein powder thing for a few months, in fact I had started gathering recipes, I had just never bitten the bullet.  And the blender bottle seemed like a good idea to go with the protein powder.  

I woke up early Saturday morning.  I knew that it was going to be  crazy busy.  I knew that if I didn't bite the bullet and get the exercise in early that I would be doomed!  So I was up and on the battlefield at 6:30 AM on a Saturday morning!  It was chilly!  I was wearing pants and a sweatshirt and the wind whipped right through my clothes!  Regardless I ran. I felt like I was running slow, but I didn't do too badly and if I don't count the runs where I am really pushing myself and doing intervals and such then I was actually faster than my normal average.  Not much but a hair.  I'll take it!

Running must give me some kind of high....for the second time, I went home and tore into the house.  I scrubbed down the tub and the toilets and worked on laundry.  I was  cleaning machine!   I didn't have too long to work though.  I had things to do, people to see and places to go!!!!







I was meeting my parents at about 11AM to ride with them the hour to where they were holding the state competition for my niece.  I didn't think they were planning on stopping for lunch based on the time that we were leaving and the time that the competition was starting, but I called my dad to verify.  With that information, I packed some food for my lunch and some food for my snacks.  And yes, I actually ate a snack between my meals.  I've known that I should be doing this and should have been doing it for a while.  No looking back, I am working on it now!  I sometimes forget...even if it's packed.  But I didn't forget today.  I pulled out my grapes and nibbled on them whilst waiting for my niece to compete!






It was at this point that I decided to try my new blender bottle and protein powder.  I decided to start with  protein shake...one that was called  Peanut Butter Cup Shake.  How could I go wrong?    I put the peanut butter into the blender cup and closed that.  Into a separate container with a lid I placed 1 cup of milk. (I used almond milk as that's what we have and use at our house) Into a separate container I put 1 scoop of protein powder.  (I bought the vanilla protein powder for it's functionality, and just added a tbs of cocoa to make it  chocolate).    I would mix it when I was getting ready to eat lunch.  That would be part of my lunch along with some fruit and veggies. 


The next segment is kinda sad.  As I was packing my lunch, I upended a box of baking soda in my kitchen.  That stuff is a MESS to clean up!  But I cleaned it up and went on my merry way!.  I got to my dad's house and they weren't there and I didn't have the key to their house so I sat in my car and listened to music while I waited.  I decided to mix up my shake and try it (it was lunch time so I was good).  I put all the ingredients in the cup, tightened the lid and started shaking.  Uhhhhh after a few shakes the drinking spout lid popped open and I was instantaneously covered with chocolate shake.....uhh not good!   I drank what was left (delicious...but a little gritty), switched jackets (luckily I had a spare in the car) and when my parents got there I quickly washed my jeans (while they were on my body) and dried them with a hair dryer.  I should have known...things come in threes.  Back on track with mostly dry jeans, I was helping my mom empty her car.  I was carrying a big plastic tote and somehow tripped.  Down I went.  My knee hit the ground.  My torso hit the tote and I continued to fall over the tote and hit it again with my upper chest.  Yeah...not my hour!   As for the fall.  Bruises on my knee and my stomach and my right shoulder and upper chest is sore.  Todd is getting the brunt of it as he said Saturday night I just moaned in my sleep, and Sunday night every time he touched me I screamed and pushed him away.  I don't remember Saturday night, but I do know that Sunday night he kept trying to touch me where I"m all bruised up!  Regardless, the show must go on .

We traveled to my nieces gymnastic meet....pictures of that are in yesterdays post posted as I talked about my niece and lessons I am learning from this amazing 10 year old.  After the meet, we drove the few miles to the Arundel Mills mall and had dinner and did a bit of shopping.  We headed home and I went to bed almost immediately upon my arrival at home.

Sunday morning I woke up at about 5:30.  The alarm was set to go off at 7 as Sherry and I were walking at 7:30.  I laid in bed and pondered my choices.  Todd had talked about a bike ride, if the weather was nice and if it was cooler we would go hiking.  If I knew that was going to materialize I wouldn't run, but what if we didn't do any of those activities?   I started thinking about going for a run before my walk with Sherry.  I waffled.  I went to weigh myself and I told myself that the results on the scale would dictate.  I vowed that if I lost 1 pound or less I would stay home and if I lost more than 1 pound I would run. (yes, the irony is not lost on me that it probably should have been the opposite).  I hopped on the scale and low and behold I was down 3.1 pounds!  I got dressed.  WARMLY because it was COLD!  I was on the battlefield by 6:30.  I was out for about 45 minutes with my run and ended up back at my car with about 10-15 minutes to spare as I waited for Sherry.






As I waited for Sherry, I drank some water and had a protein shake (yes, peanut butter cup again).  











Sherry arrived and we walked for an hour.  The hour is activity of course, but just as important and even more importantly, it is our time to share our week, our hopes and dreams, our struggles and honestly, just to vent at times!   The walks are wonderful!


I got home and Todd was just rolling out of bed.  The day turned into him working on the mower, lunch out and then outdoor work.  So I didn't get a hike or a bike ride in.  I did some housework, laundry and weeding.  So it was a good decision to run before my walk!

I get it

There is something that athletes 'get'.   I'm sure we can all remember the 1996 olympics where Kerry Strug her her ankle on her first vault.  It was do or die for the US team, she was our only chance.  She pushed through the pain and ran the second vault and blew it out of the water.....on a bum foot.  She got it.  She wanted something so badly that she pushed through insurmountable odds and who knows how much pain and did it.  I remember watching that and thinking, "holy moley, that girl is nuts to push through, seriously, she was hurt!"   I didn't understand then.

In December I reached the end of my rope. I didn't like where my life was sitting. There are aspects that I can't change but I decided that I could change my weight and my lifestyle. I vowed to do whatever it took.  I started exercising more and those workouts were at a much higher intensity.  I don't care that I wake up everyday and at least one part of my body aches.  I don't care that I'm out at 6AM running in VERY COLD (some days) weather.  It quickly became the norm and I am OK with it, simply because I want it bad enough. 

My niece loves gymnastics.  She commits to 12 hours minimum in the gym each week and she flips around and stretches and does stuff all the time.  In the last few months, I have noticed her wearing an ankle brace here and there.  Not all the time but on occasion.  A week ago today she was riding in my car with me and she talked about this sore ankle.  Her exact words were "My foot is really sore, I'm pushing really hard because State competition is next weekend.  After that I will rest it to make it better."  I looked at her and I actually understood her drive, isn't that what I'm doing with my exercise pushing hard and working through pain?

This past week her foot started to hurt worse.  It went from an occasional pain to a consistent pain.  She was given a choice but insisted upon competing (she has a doctors appointment set up to check it out) with her coaches approval.  She was 'juiced up' as my brother told me with ibuprofen and they crossed their fingers that the vault would be the last event that she competed in as that was the hardest on her ankle, second only to floor (floor due to the tumbling).  We got our wish.  Floor was second to last and vault was last.  We watched as she competed.

My brother and I were talking about her, the ankle issue and her drive.  Not many 10 year old little girls opt to spend 12 hours at the gym each week on a consistent basis, more if there is a meet.  Not many young girls would push through an injury.  My brother looked at me and said "Our family has never "got it", she does.    The typical response of our family is to quit when it starts to hurt.  (excuses...hmmm I guess I still am beating this dead horse eh?)  My niece however realizes that it is going to hurt but she gets up and keeps doing it.  She is driven and accepts the downside which is the occasional injury (yes, she has fallen off the beam...when she was 5 or 6 and broke her arm) and lots of muscle aches.  He looks at me and said "She gets it". 

And at that is when I realized.  I get it....40 years later, but I get it now!  I can not succeed easily unless I accept that it's going to hurt.  Running WILL hurt some days.  Those marathon runners that we've seen on the news so much recently get it.  Running hurts!    The bikers in the Tour de France get it.  Biking hurts too!  These athletes get it.  And FINALLY, I get it too.  I'm not gonna be sadistic and say I want or like the pain.....but BRING IT ON!

I get it?  Do you???

And since I have inundated this post with pictures of my niece from her competition yesterday, I feel as if I should add one of each of my nephews.  They look chipper in the pictures, but let me tell you...they HATE siting through gymnastics competition.  (They may have been chipper due to the promise of a visit to the Lego Store after the meet!)