Wednesday weigh in

I have done better with my eating so far this week.  I can't say I was perfect...I did eat another cookie...or two.   I also had a piece of cake.   But I also had more fruits and veggies than I have been having as of late!

My weight as ofo day was looking up by about two pounds....so I wasn't expecting greatness.

This morning I woke up and immediately felt thirsty....that's not usually a good sign for my weight!   In fact, based on that fact I almost skipped my weigh in!   But at the last second decided to roll with it anyway!

I was back to my boomerang weight...that weight that I seem to 'fall back to'.   That's fine with me today because that means that I managed a maintain this week.   I don't know how....but I'm not going to look a gift horse in the mouth!!!!!

But it makes me sit back and ponder.  What am I pondering?   If my weight went down just by adding the fruits and veggies but still indulging in cake and cookies, what in the world would happen if I eradicated those things???  

Ahhhh...that's when greatness occurs I guess!

Last but not least, random tidbits......

***I got a run in yesterday morning.   It was slow but steady!  

***I only have 4.24 more running miles left to reach my 20 miles for the month!

*** 70 miles in 8 days is what I need to break even for my yearly mileage goal (so I don't fall further behind).   Yeah....we are taking our bikes this weekend, and I have two...maybe three mornings left for running to help boost the miles.   But all in all I'm just hoping to squeak through with only a minimal deficit.

***Jason is settling into his new job. He seems to really like it. Once he is in the routine and used to these hours we will hopefully get back on our bikes and back to our walks in the evenings.

***Work is still stressful.  I'm just praying really hard!

***I splurged and bought a new dollhouse last weekend.  I need another dollhouse like I need a hole in my head!   I still have a LOT of work left to do on the dollhouse that Jason got me for my birthday in December.  I have one room almost done.  The bathroom.   For the record it needs a mirror which is in the works....some picture/decoration on the wall behind the toilet....and some bathroom items in the shelves (toilet paper, bottles, etc)

Next up...the kitchen...then the living/dining room, a bedroom, a nursery and an attic.....oh and a porch!!!

I still have some small things to work on in the mini mansion too.  Bedding and little human touches...(this picture is a week or so old...the furniture is now all white)

 

***Ive enjoyed my nephew visiting some of these evenings.....I think Ethel enjoys it too!

 

Wash rinse repeat

I drew the line in the sand last week.  Enough is enough!   I don't want to be overweight!   I don't want to have to shop in the 'fat women's clothing stores and sections'.  I don't want to be out of breath.  I don't want it feel like I'mstuffed into a sausage casing whenever I wear half of my clothes!!! Ok, to be blunt, I don't want to be fat anymore!

So I woke up on Friday ready to rock this health journey. I walked into work....and there it was.

 

The anniversary/birthday of my employers existence was on Friday and they had cookies for a celebration.   Yup...I ate a cookie or three.

(As a side note...isn't it crazy to have a customer appreciation in the midst of closing down the office...so literally we had a celebration while customers were receiving the bad news about their branch.)

I didn't too bad on Friday night......but I was determined that Saturday would be a success...as much as possible on a weekend. 

Saturday was going to be the new first day of my hard core healthiness!!!

I woke up and ate my cereal....and got to work and my coworker hit me with a bit of niceness.....

 

Yup...a Bavarian cream donut.  Heck yeah I ate it!!!

We did lunch at Arby's.

 

  Ok so maybe the sandwich wasn't all that bad...but the curly fries and cheese cup wasn't all that great!

And then dinner was a simple cheese pizza (only because they delivered it minus the garlic and pepperoni).   Nope...I just ate two pieces!

 

Well I guess Sunday could  be my day to begin complete utter and complete awesomeness!!! 

Woohoo...Arby's again....but this time I tried the loaded cheese fries.   I've been curious!!!

 

Yeah they were pretty good.... but probably way over budget in calories.

Dinner was a sub. (Turkey) and pasta salad....but I finally caved and got the ice cream I've been craving since Wednesday night!!!

 

Yup...three attempts...wash rinse repeat.   

Today...I can do this today!!!!  There are still cookies here and I'm fighting the urge to have one!. I just have to stay away from those darn cookies...they are killing me...I want them so bad!!!

Today is my day to shine!!!!

Motivation alert.....

This weekend Jason and I waked through a few stores and saw some clothes.   I would love to be able to shop anywhere for clothes!!!!   He points out clothes he would love to see on my all the time.   And he has good taste!  I just need to be able to fit into them!!!!!!

And the biggest motivator....

As I was planning in my head and starting to write my post I received a text from Jason...just saying 'I love you'. It was not shocking to receive it as we say that all the time.  But at 9:30 in the morning...while we are both at work....when we texted at 7am this morning....not expected.  Turns out he and the guy he was scheduled to be with today were driving and the other guy (mid 40's maybe a year or two older than me) turned white...clutched his chest and started to have difficulty breathing and talking.   The guy refused 911 and Jason drove like the wind to take him to the hospital which is where he was texting me from. Immediately I thought about what if that was Jason and I hadn't said I love you that extra time....I immediately told him (and he said that's why he texted me because it made us realize how fragile life really can be and he wanted to tell me the same!!).    I don't have any updated news on his co-worker....but I'm going to say no news is good news.  

So why am I writing about this?   While  I don't yet know what happened to this co-worker, with the symptoms I have my suspicions.  And what a huge reminder about how important it is to take steps to eat right  and  to live an active and healthy lifestyle!!!!

You know what?   Those cookies still sound good....but they are suddenly my no longer as tempting!!!!!!

Purging...the good kind

Lets start with the stats...

Running:  I think I MAY be able to make it to my 20 mile goal for running for this month!  I am at 13.05 miles! I only have to run 7 more miles to make that goal.  That's roughly three 2.3 mile runs!

Mileage for the year.  Well.. I am at just over 100 miles for the month. I need 172 miles to break even for the month of May.  I'm not counting myself out....but I'm starting to wonder.  (Although we are talking about a three day weekend over Memorial day and we are talking about taking our bikes...that would net me some miles)   Either way.....I am not giving up that goal ....I"m still pushing forward.

The other goals for May......shot to smithereens.  I am however trying to get back to tracking.....for me that is instrumental for my success!


So I have run three times this week.  It has been wiping me out.

 My legs are feeling it when I'm done.  But I push on!!!!

I am slow as molasses but I keep pushing on!!!

It's gotten hot outside.....but I keep pushing on!!!!

Yes, I realize that to show improvement, I need to keep pushing on!














Today I stopped for a few minutes to smell the roses.  There is a house I run past that has a ton of rose bushes lining his yard/the sidewalk   They are always full of roses!   It makes me smile when I run by.

I am in the process of a revelation.  That revelation?  It is time to make another purge in my life.  Back in 2015 I purged some friends (and a husband the year before).  It was the best decision for me in all regards.  I decided that I wanted to surround myself with people that wanted the best for me and not people that had their own agenda and wanted to put me down in whatever way.   Since then I became closer to a friend. But in the last year I've come to realize that she is a great friend when her life is going well....but when her life is not going well she becomes jealous of my happiness with Jason and says things to try to plant a seed of discord in my mind.  Discord that could ruin my relationship with Jason were I to dwell on her words.  And these words are nothing but "what if......."   Nope....that is NOT the kind of friend I need.  It's time to purge!

Standing up for myself.....and learning to take care of myself emotionally is just one step toward a healthy me.   The crazy thing?  Realizing this and making this decision to distance myself from this 'toxic friend' has given me power to realize that I can once again take control of my eating and exercise too.  

 

Knock one off the bucket list

Where to begin....

Let me just say that I'm not withering away on my mileage goals....I'm at roughly 75 miles for the month....I should be at 86 just to not lose ground.   So not tooo bad.  But not on target for the month and definitely not on target to make up the last of the deficit.  But hey...I'm holding on!!!

Food...my weekend wasn't spectacular with eating....at all.  My stomach felt it too...it reminded me exactly why the unhealthy food and quantities are bad!!!

My curveballs keep flying at me.   My original curve ball  was of Jason getting a job...which is spectacular news, it just changes my schedule and routine.   I made plans in my mind of how to fill up the time and still get my movement.   I would grab my road bike and keep that at the house full time and then I could leave my trek with Jason (he has had it much of the time recently..it's just been easier since we have ridden together most of the time) and only bring that home when I have need of it.  I spoke to my father about it in passing.   And was told that there is no room and he does not want my bike (s) in the garage.   Soooo....my plans were totally wiped off the books.  My first thought was I would just store them in my living area beside my bed...and try to not trip over them.   I have another idea.  But regardless...the bike thing on top of the other curveballs that have been lobbed my way has totally knocked me flat.   

So this weekend we decided to take it easy....we had lunch in town and hit up a few stores (he has to have his own tools for the job he got...so tool shopping we went!).

  We drove up to Cumberland.  We stopped at Sideling Hill to walk up the overlook...neither of us had done it in years.

 

And I just realized I took none of the cut through the mountain....but I got a couple of Jason!!!  (With a bit of the cut behind him!)

 

 

This weekend we also rented a tandem bike.    Or in easier terms to understand...we rode a bicycle built for two!

 

I have always wanted to try a tandem...and so has Jason.   We have talked about buying one some day in the future.  But we wanted/needed to try it out!!!

Jason was up front first and I rode behind.   Oh my word.....if your in the back you feel so totally out of control. It was a lesson (reminder) in learning to trust your partner 100%.  

When we swapped places and I was the 'driver' I figured out that as the front person you are totally fighting the bike the whole time!   Pretty much every breath that the other person takes causes the bike to sway and move.  (Ok maybe not every breath...but close!). 

It took communication because one person couldn't coast and adjust.  If one person stopped pedaling it stopped both people from pedaling.  So any adjustments on the seat or with a foot on the pedal had to be discussed before hand because otherwise the pedal stopped dead for them too...throwing the bike off kilter even more..  

We felt as if we were pedaling harder to move the bike also..... but then again we are used to riding better bikes...this one was a cheaper model...so that would play into it. 

All of that was workable.   But still the ride was miserable!!!  Why??  The seats were cheap and horrible.  We both suffered!!!!   For me...not only did it HURT...but my bits and pieces actually went numb!!!!!   It was not pleasant!!!!!

But hey...we checked something off the bucket list!!!!

We also picked up a new map of the canal.... I used a green highlighter and marked off the places we have biked /walked this year....:wow...we only have about 50 miles left to bike...we have done well over a half of the canal!  

I showed this to Jason and I'm pretty surethat  in a month or two (or more depending on how long it takes him to get back into the routine of his job) that we will have the whole thing colored in!!!    (And that not including the fact that we still want to complete the whole canal on a weekend long through trip!)

Still curving

I talked about curveballs in my last post......yeah they are still flying at me!    

I'm ashamed to say that some of these curveball have hit and have made me head for the safety and comfort of food!!!!

Last night I got home.  I had picked up some food for dinner and planned on splitting the food between dinner and taking the leftovers for my lunch the next day.   My parents were sitting at the dining room table.  My dad let me in on the updated news of his health before I even sat down.  I ate every bite of food that I had carried into the house. It was easier to eat than to think of the ramifications.     Stress eating at its best.   

I stress ate my way through breakfast too. 

And then mid morning I got control of myself and did ok for lunch.   And then out of nowhere I got hit again.  This time in the form of a full office meeting co-led by the CFO and head of HR.    Changes are happening....big changes!    As in my office will not be a full service branch bank anymore....we will be bare bones/drive through service only.  This will eliminate some people's jobs.  (Mine???). They half heartedly assured us that they have some people retiring so they should be able to find positions for everyone.  But it's not exactly good news for those of us at this branch.  And then beyond our own personal issues with this decision we have to field inquiries...advise customers of this change....try (succeed actually)  to get the safety deposit boxes emptied, etc in the next two months.     Our customers will not be happy.   We are the only bank in town.....it's going to be a rough two months.

So thoughts...plans...hopes...wishes and ideas for my future are going through my head.   Pray pray pray!!!! (Yes I'm accepting prayers!!!  Please pray for my future employment!! Because the handwriting on the wall couldn't be any clearer!!!)

I ate a piece of cake when I got home.....then dinner...way too much dinner  .....and why yes I did buy a king size package of Reece's Cups when I bought my Mother's Day card!

 

I was stuffed after dinner so I am happy to say that the Reece's cups will remain on the end table uneaten (for now!)

So it's been a foodapalooza!!!  And yes I know it's unhealthy.  Yes I know it's bad.    But it happened!  Today I failed at this game called life.

Curve ball

This journey toward health and a thinner healthier happy body is so difficult!   Sometimes I want to scream!  Ok many times I want to scream!!!!!

So in my post from the beginning of the week I talked about how last week was a total flop in terms of my monthly goals.   Yeah....well more about that.   The April goals....

1. Lose weight....I am exactly the same as I was on May first!   At least it's not a gain!!!

 

2.  Track everything and stay within a certain range.   The first week of the month?  Yeah I tracked..breakfast most days but after that it went downhill.    This week I have tracked and while my eating hasn't been perfect, I've done fairly well

Monday: 1623 calories...I ran so I did earn a few extra calories....but it was the ice cream that popped me over my 1200-1500 range.

Tuesday:  1426 calories.   Spot on!!!!!

Wednesday (thus far and the planned lunch in my lunch box): 695 ...leaving 505-805 for dinner.   Very doable!!!

With my eating ice lately been on a cereal for breakfast kick....Special K and bananas...so yummy!!!

 

3.  20 miles of running for the month.   I'm at about 5....so not too awesome.  But that's two 2.5 mile runs so that is better than none!!!

4.  Strength training...I have one little session under my belt!   I did move my living quarters around so I have more space so hopefully I can dig into that challenge more easily!!

5.  2017 miles in 2017.   This was the one thing I did spectacular on during the first week.  I completed 40.50 miles for that first week.   Right on target with what I needed.  Then this week hit and I only have 11.66 miles this far for the week. Giving me 52.16 miles.   It is the tenth of the month.   By the 15 I should have a bare minimum of 86 miles.   That's 33 miles in 4 days.  Doable on a bike....doable with a lot of walking.   But well....life threw me a curveball!  

The curveball???? I've gotten spoiled.  Very spoiled.  Jason has been between jobs and I have enjoyed it.   It has been nice with my crazy ever changing schedule!   Since he hasn't been working, when I get off at 12...2...4 or whenever we have either gone hiking or biking.  It's been a real boon to the 2017 in 2017 challenge.     I knew it was going to come to an end....(sadly neither of us are independently wealthy and thus we must work).    This week he went back to work. Uhhh yeah....first and foremost I'm lonely!!! It's weird not seeing him as much.  But I lost my biking/walking buddy!    Right  now his body is adjusting to a different type of work and a different schedule in his sleep.....so we have seen each other for a few minutes only each night.   Once he adjusts I'm sure we will be back in the saddle.  But right now I'm kinda lost and twisting in the wind!   

Right now I'm trying to figure out how to fill those hours productively.   Because the first item of business is my emotions...yeah I am totally missing those extra hours with him.  So yesterday I weeded and mulched the front flower beds.   Today I was going to try to finish the side beds but it's supposed to be rainy the rest of the week so I may alter the plans and mow today.   I work late tomorrow so that will be fine....Saturday is a 2pm off work day...I'm thinking about going to a goodwill that I heard is really good...but it's kinda way out of my way.    Just staying busy and or productive is my plan.  For next week when I have two 2pm end of days I have  thoughts of grabbing some geocaches....and maybe pulling my road bike out of storage and doing some road riding (and/or starting to store my trek at home and not at Jason's place).  I also have thought about bringing my running clothes and running on the battlefield or canal down here In sharpsburg....my old stomping/running routes.   Whatever I do....it's a thing that I need to stay busy!!! (At least until I get used to the new norm!)

I know though for me...pushing myself to ride by myself is difficult.   I wimp out and don't go...or I start out and my legs are heavy so I only ride 5 miles (if that).   Same with walking.   With Jason I push through!   Yeah that's lazy of me to admit it isn't it????

So a giant curveball.   I knew it was going to come eventually....but it's here now and I'm feeling lost!!!!  

Reboot

Ok so it's not been good!  

My eating is out of control.   My May goals.....mostly all already messed up and lost!

So I'm starting my month over...May 8 is the beginning of my month!!!!! (I am writing this in the evening on May 7....but I'm done eating for the evening so it's not like I'm avoiding starting and delaying it.)

There will be some changes in scheduling and whatnot coming my way in the next few weeks.   I'm determined to roll with the punches and use the changes to institute some healthier habits!!!!

Another great weekend in the books....

Some hiking in Shenandoah National Park...

 

We haven't hiked recently...and while we have been active we could tell the lack of hiking in our legs!!!

 

Can you tell we were happy to be back on the trail in the mountains??? 

No mushrooms though....not morels...but we did see these that are supposedly referred to as bear corn.  And no..even though there were lots of bear sightings today...none by us. 

A graveyard in the park along the trail.....leftover from the time before the park when people lived on these mountains.

And that is my update....just vowing to get it back together.  Hiking will be so much easier with less weight on my body!!!!!

Plans

The first day of the month started off with a bang.   I ran....I mowed...we went for a 10 plus mile bike ride and we also went for a walk.  I was close to 20 miles for day one!    Day two...well I woke up and the thought of running made me literally want to cry.   My legs were soooooo sore.   I tried twice and broke down in near tears both times.  Yeah that's my sign to not do it!!!!    I had a training after work so doing something active in the evening was out too.    But....I implemented my 'strength' plan on the evening!

What is that strength plan?   Well 3 times a week I want to stop and do a series of exercises to build certain muscles that may need a wee little help!  I know that without Zumba squats and lunges are no longer easy and pain free.  (I used to be able to do both without any major aches when I was able to go to Zumba!).  So that is where I'm starting. This is a loose plan and subject to change...squats, lunges, sit ups, planks, push-ups -!; whatever else I feel I can add.

Last night I did 20 each of lunges (each side) and squats....and then I was shaky and sore so 20 is my number for those.   I did 30 sit ups (in reflection I wasn't wiped out and I should have done a few more!)....I held a plank for as long as I could...until my body began to shake like an earthquake  (forgot to time it....it wasn't too long though), and push ups....I'm lame...let's just say I really need to work on this and I will be happy with however many I can do...one proper one is good right now!!!   The long term plan is to intersperse the strength moves with time on the stair stepper.   

 

The stair stepper right now kills me....it's not straight steps it throws a lateral movement in there...so time on it has to be built up!!!  But I plan on it!!!  I did two stints on the stair stepper last night and that did me in....well combined with the squats and lunges it did me in!!!!  

So there is my plan.....

I am really pondering how to make the exercise and the eating two separate entities in my mind.   I'm nailing the exercise.....I don't want to rock that boat.  But my eating has really gone crazy....not horrible all the time but just not on track enough of the time.   I have tried to link the two in my mind and it's just not working.   So I am going to try to come up with some amazing way to motivate myself (something like my mileage goal).   It has to be something that I personally control.   Yes weight loss is under my control, but it is subjective.   I want and need something that gives me a black and white pass/fail.   The weight loss will just be a side benefit!!!

So now it's time to set a second boat out to float beside the exercise boat.....let's add the boat of healthy eating!!!! I can manage both!!!!

Weekend update and a new month

This past weekend we headed to Johnstown, PA.  

 

I lived there many moons ago (like 35 years ago).   I wanted to experience the history and culture as an adult.   On the way there we visited the Flight 93 memorial (9-11 plane that went down in a field in PA.).  It was well done...a haunting memorial.

 

We explored by car and on foot the town of Johnstown, the burough of Westmont and the Grandview Cemetery.   We checked out a hiking trail and rode the Incline Plane.

 

We visited the Johnstown Flood Museum and then followed that up with a visit to the Flood Memorial which is actually at the site of the same that broke causing so much damage and so many fatalities. 

 

In this picture you can faintly see the overlook that is on the abutment across the 'valley'. This photo was taken from the other abutment....and shows the absolute breadth of the damn that broke.

We also spent some time looking for mushrooms...no luck though!!

 

It was a great weekend (aren't they all nowadays???)

So it's a new month and that means it's time to review last month's goals and set new ones for this month!!!

Last month I had four goals. 

1. To track all of my food and stay between 1200-1800 calories.   This did not happen...at all.  There was actually days where I didn't track anything and more days than I can count that I was over 2000 calories for the day!  I kick myself for messing this one up.   This should be a shoo in goal to achieve!!!!!  Grrrrr  I did discover that the 1800 is too high for me. ( When I'm at 1800 I don't lose...when I lowered it to 1500 as my high I was starting to see some success.  And then I went off the rails like an idiot!!  So I totally messed this one up but I learned a lesson and the more knowledge the better the chance of success in the future! 

2.  I set a goal to run 20 miles in the month of April.   I totally missed this one too.  I only ran 12.41 miles. I wasn't even 'close'.   I don't know what happened...a few days of rain...a few schedule changes that prohibited....and some sheer laziness with shorter runs but me in he butt.   There is no real excuse though.   12.41  miles is more than most people in this world run each month and furthermore that's good that I did at least something for my body!!

3. Lose weight and be in the next 'decade' lower by the end of the month.   Well this didn't happen at all!!!  I didn't lose a single solitary pound.   I wallowed in my current weight.   A pound down a pound up. A see saw of misery!!!!  This one disgusts me.  At this rate I will never reach my goals!!!

A maintain is actually a victory!!!  It may not be what I wanted but it wasn't a gain!!!

4.   Complete my April miles (166.5) and add an extra 25 miles to work on the mileage deficit for my year goals (2017 miles in 2017).  191.5 miles needed to reach my goal.   I am very proud to say that I crushed this goal!!  I completed themiles I  needed for April and started working on those extra miles.   I finished the month with 232.41 miles for the month!  That is 65.91 extra to cut down that deficit.....the years deficit is now only 27.79 miles.   Yeah, I smashed the goal!!!!!  (Thank you 89.58 miles of biking...25 miles of walking at the beach and many long walks with Jason!!)

See how I had to make myself turn the negatives into a positive.   Negatives are bad because they make us want to give up...they rob us of our self confidence.  They are just bad!!!

So for May my goals....

1.   Lose weight!   I would optimally like to be down in the next decade...but I will take any loss at this point!!!

2.  Track....every day....and at the new lower range of 1300-1500...with only one cheat day a week!

3.  20 miles....I will get this!!!!  This is my month!!!

4.   2017 mileage.   I want to get my base miles and wipe that deficit clean!!!!  

5.  Three times a week add a mini strength and stretching routine into my day.   The what isn't important....but right now I am do have a plan in place in my mind!).   I've noticed lately that my legs are tired more easily and my muscles are super tight.   I have to fix that!!!!  

So I've already gotten a good start on my May goals.  I woke up and ran....not a lot of miles but a little bit over 2 miles completed.  I mowed and did yard work....so my total steps (including rummage run) already have me at my daily goal of 5.5 miles. (And we plan on riding our bikes tonight...chalk up more miles!!!).  I have tracked my food and I'm determined to work this!!!

Elusive

On Wednesday after noon Jason and I headed out on our bikes. We were biking to a more remote location on the hunt for morel mushrooms. Dang but those things are hard to find this year!!! We found all sorts of other mushrooms but not the right ones!

 

But the good thing?   We got some miles in on our bikes. However my legs were heavy the whole ride.  I didn't let it slow me down though.  I rode until our time was up.  Meaning, we didn't set it with a certain mileage in mind.  We set out with a set amount of time.   We knew what time we would have to turn in order to get back to the car so we could meet our other obligations.    

On Thursday morning I got up and ran.  The first mile was rough. I was hating life!!!!  I walked quite a bit!!!   At the one mile mark I was given my stats and I had an epiphany.  Wow, even with walking my average pace for that mile was the same as my pace from the run on Tuesday!    I was running way too fast for my ability!    I slowed it down a bit and didn't have to walk....and my average pace for my miles actually went down...even more than Tuesday's run!!! So yes sometimes we have to slow down to actually speed up!!!

My weight.....well let's just say I know it's me.  Let's just also say that I have only fracked very minimally this week. (Breakfast since it's the same every day!!).  I'm disgusted with myself.  I'm disgusted with my weight.   I'm just disgusted!   But like I said I know it's my fault!!!!   

Kitchen Tales

Well then....my weight is back to the 238 boomerang weight.   I can say that I know I didn't drink enough in the last few days. In fact I woke up thirsty today which is not a good sign for my weight.   But even beyond that, I ate horribly this past weekend.   I have pulled it together a wee bit during the work week thus far, but apparently not enough!   I did it to myself!!!

We were walking on Sunday and I was pondering my weight and everything pertaining to it.   Yeah I seem to have great clarity when I'm running, hiking, and/or walking!!!  Maybe it's part of being in nature too!!!  We were seeing some pretty things!!

 

 Anyway, I thought back to a comment that was made about me a few weeks back on the 3purplethings blog.   She had the most kind words to say about my blog and I'm very touched by what she said.  If you want the full account of what she said it's out there on her blog but for this post I'm going to focus on just a few words that have been resonating in my mind since I read what she wrote.   Those words?  'She is crazy active'.   Me?   Really???  Crazy active????   No....she must need to take a nap or something because she was certainly delusional when she wrote that.  Right???   But this weekend while walking in the canal with Jason I realized that yes....she was right.  In the grand scheme of things I would be considered crazy active.  Wow....I guess I was the one that was delusional!   

You see, it's not easy to see myself as crazy active when I weigh 238 pounds!  But I am quite active.  I've made the comment that I'm the fittest fat person out there!   So if I'm so active why is my weight not dropping.   Seriously, I should be a twig right?   Well ...

 

Yes my diet is the problem.   Weight is lost in the kitchen, not the gym.    The gym may give some wiggle room with eating....and I think the gym plays a major role in maintaining the weight loss. But weight loss happens with solid healthy food choices!!!!

And what do you know?  Food choices seem to be my downfall.   It might be tator tots, red velvet whopper pies, Reece's cups, macaroni and cheese, or even just bread and butter.   But something always comes up to derail me.  That is a problem...a huge problem.   Even though I haven't wanted to face it!!! Head in the sand has been my method!!

 

So while I don't plan on changing my activity levels....I know that I have to make some kind of changes in my eating!!!

 

I have made some changes this week....lots more fruits and veggies.  I still need to make some changes and I need to keep the changes consistent.  But I can do this!!!!!

Monday madness

Bullet point style post just because.....

** I wrote my Friday blog post but for some reason it didn't go live...so it went live today....and is much more than this lazy post!!

** It's Monday and I feel blah!!!!!

** The nerve on the top of my foot had been hurting bad lately!!!  It started about a week or two ago.   Walking any length of time is rough!!!

** Rain rain rain.....I'm ready for the rain to be over so I can get out and run and walk and be outside more!!

**We had a low key weekend.  Saturday was rainy...so we hit up some antique stores....and of course tried on hats.

 

 

And on Sunday we walked along the canal for a few hours....still looking for the elusive morel mushrooms!!!

** My eating was not good this weekend!!!!

Mud mask

Well then.....for some reason this post never went live....and I just found it....  this is from Friday!!!

My weight continues to fluctuate up and down.  I'm not stressing about it.   It is what it is.   I am happy that I'm weighing daily so that I can see the fluctuations and realize that while my weigh in day was high, I am seeing lower days.  So good things are happening!!!!

On Wednesday Jason and I were out walking.  We are still on the hunt for morel mushrooms.    We haven't found any yet.  We have found other interesting things though...

 

It is still early in the mushroom season so we are still hopeful!!!

On Thursday the skies cleared so we hopped onto our bikes and took a ride on the canal.  It was a bit warm and muggy but we enjoyed ourselves.   And then on the reverse trip back to the car the skies opened....and we hit a wee patch of rain.

Somehow even though we were riding at the same speed....on the same path....in the same rain; I got covered in mud!!!!  My braid was caked with mud!

 

 Jason had a bit of mud but no where near as bad as I!!!

 

Different bikes and different size and type tires make the difference I guess!

Hahaha. Years ago my brother and I rode bikes together and it rained.  He told me that if you ride in the rain you are bad ass.....well I rode in the rain AND mud!!!  I must be extra bad ass!!!!

As for my 2017 in 2017 and in particular the April goal of at least 25 miles above and beyond what I needed for April.  I am happy to say I have less than 10 miles to go to reach that goal an

Two steps forward two steps.....

This weight thing for me seems to be two steps forward then two steps back.     For the month of march I stayed pretty close to 238.4 for my official weigh ins.  I would show progress during the week but then on my official weigh in I would go right back to the 238.4....I referred to this as my boomerang weight  I was frustrated but still pushed forward. Then for my official weigh in on April 5th I had a break through and I was down to 237!   Woohoo!   But on April 12th I was back up and even higher...I was up to 239!    Let me tell you, utterly frustrating!!!!   

I made a vow last week to make some changes.   I have been trying to and I even did good at the beach this past weekend.  I was happy to see the numbers on scale on Monday ( 236.4) and Tuesday.  (236).    I was thinking great things for today's weigh in.  

I woke up thirsty and knew it wasn't going to be all that great even though my eating was pretty good yesterday.    I was right.   237.0 

Soooo.....take we will take this weigh in however the mood strikes ...but here are the options...

*** Up a pound from yesterday

*** Down two pounds from last week 

*** Maintain from two weeks ago

I ran yesterday morning.  And it went well.  It still isn't fabulous but I'm enjoying it a whole lot more than a few weeks ago.   It's amazing what a little soul searching does!!!!

I'm having problems with pain on the  top of my foot.  A doctor once told me it was a nerve issue.   It has come and gone for a few years.   Late last week it came.    I meant to tape my foot (KT tape has helped some in the past....) on Saturday because I knew we would be out and walking all day. (We ended up putting more than 11 miles on our feet that day!). But I forgot.  And I paid the price.  By the end of the day the pain was really kicking!!!   Believe me, I remembered to tape it on Sunday!!!  The foot still twinges on Sunday but it was a whole lot more bearable!!! (And we didn't walk quite as much since we had to factor in the 4 hour drive home.).    I forgot to tape it on my run on Tuesday...and it bothered me.    Gotta get more tape....gotta keep it taped for a few days....because I want this pain GONE!  It can come back another day never!!!

Just as a side note...I have hit my 10k steps goal 9 out of the last 10 days!    I'm making some great progress toward my mileage goal.

Monday blues

I've got the Monday blues....bad!!!!  We went to the ocean again this past weekend.   It was sooooooo difficult to come home!!!!!   I have some pictures but most  are on my good camera and I do not have access at the moment so this will not be heavy photo post.

We decided to not take our bikes this weekend.   We absolutely loved riding on the boardwalk and in the beach last month...

 

....but  decided that we wanted to explore on foot and also not have to worry about the bikes this visit.

We left early afternoon on Friday when I got off of work and arrived around 5 or 6 (it's a four hour drive).   We checked into our hotel and headed out on foot.   We walked for a while and checked out a few things before heading back to our hotel to enjoy the beauty of the beach (and the happenings on the boardwalk) from our balcony.  (Yes we were ocean front and our hotel was right on the boardwalk.). A perfect night.  And a perfect moon!!!!!  The picture on my phone doesn't do it justice!! It looked like the moonlight was shining straight up to us!

 

Saturday we walked....and walked ...and walked some more!  I actually had my largest step day (since I got my Fitbit at least!!).   We walked on the beach.  We walked on the roads. We walked the length of the boardwalk...a couple times.    We also spent some time on the balcony in the morning, and evening watching the kite board guy flipping around out on the waves, looking for dolphins and just enjoying the peaceful sounds of the crashing waves!

We also checked out the haunted house ride... cheesy but fun.

 

  Sunday was more walking!!!!   We also managed to play a few rounds of mini golf.  (Two different locations...because why not?)

I had made up my mind late last week that I had knock my calories down further than I have been.  Something had to change.  I also knew that I was going to be at the beach and that at least one of our meals would include Thrasher's fries (boardwalk style...handcut fries)....and who knows what else!!!   I decided to roll with it and not worry about cutting the calories until the weekend was behind me. 

Furthermore while I was there I decided to not even count my calories over the weekend!!!!  

But this morning I had second thoughts and entered in my food into my fitness pal, And wow....I'm shocked!!!   

Friday....1581

Saturday.....1715

Sunday....1259

And we walked over 20 miles!  (11 on Saturday....the other days were 5....which isn't bad since we were also in the car 4 hours on those days!!)

I did splurge.  We got cinnamon buns....I ate half.   I downsized my ice cream also!!!

On Sunday I chose a salad for my lunch.   I ordered it mainly because it was a seafood oriented dining establishment and the options for a non seafood water was more limited.  After I ordered it I noticed a special in the menu and lamented about the loss of the chicken cordon blue and French fry special.   But you know what?  The salad was good.   I walked away and said 'well that gives me room for a boardwalk treat...something like a fried Twinkie or a fried Reece's cup'.  But I didn't partake in anything fried.   I actually bought some chocolate covered strawberries!!!!  And they were delicious!!!!!

And my weight this morning reflected my better choices....and the walking!!!

Readjustment

After the last week of soul searching that I wrote about in my last post, I attacked running with a different attitude.   I went out expecting the worst. I had no expectations other than that it was going to hurt.  Sure, I hoped that I wouldn't lose my pants (true story), I prayed that the mean squirrels would not be look at me with that menacing look that  they have.  (True story....at least in my mind while I run) and  I hoped that I wouldn't look like I peed my pants from wardrobe malfunction. (Yes...true story)    But I didn't expect greatness.  I knew it would hurt and that I would have to interval walk/run and I knew that I would be slow....but I had no expectations. 

And amazingly enough with no expectations of greatness I smashed the run on Wednesday.  I did walk once or twice and I was slow. But I felt victorious!   Thursday I went out again and purposely told myself it was going to be horrible.  But it wasn't!   Ahhhh. It's so much better to meet and actually exceed expectations!!!!

 

Look I was even smiling during the one run!!! (I hope both actually.)

The runs were not without trauma.  The pants I wore on one day were too loose to be able to use my run buddy pouch.  If you don't know what that is....it is an awesome way to carry phones and gear!   I hate arm bands!!!!  The pouch is definitely the way to go. (Unless your pants are too loose then it doesn't work!) 

 

So I may have turned a corner...hopefully!  

So I have been doing some  soul searching and have come to a conclusion about my monthly goals.....

So let me do a check in and while I talk about where I am at will all become clear.

1.  2017 miles in 2017.  My monthly goal was set at 191 miles.  I am happy to say that as of Thursday the 13th I have reached 130 miles for the month.  

2.  Run twenty miles in April.   I am at 7.69 miles for the month.   So a little behind but in good shape still!

3.  Lose weight.  Oh heck here is where it gets ugly. Once again I'm not losing...I'm back at the 238-239 weight.   It's disgusting.  It's heart wrenching.  It's annoying.  It makes me want to cry, wail, gnash my teeth.  Most importantly it makes me want to give up!!!!  

4  Track my food and stay under 1800 calories. (With one cheat day.  I've actually nailed this one.

 

And with exercise added in it looks even better!!!

 

So the lack of loss....something has to change.  Big time change.   I know when I was losing I was keeping my food intake at 1200 calories.  (Which equaled the roughly the same amount as my base WW points when I compared.). I didn't eat my exercise calories/points.  I didn't have such a large range.  I kept my food between 1200 and 1299 calories. Period. 

So that last goal of tracking and being under 1800 is changing.  My goal is under 1400.  (Baby steps I will get it back to the 1200!!)

I know that this weekend will be difficult to keep it there. We are going to be at the beach for the weekend....and I am sure that there will be boardwalk style French fries and who knows what else!    So very difficult to keep it under 1400...and part of me says I should just start on Monday.  But no...I'm starting now but accepting that the weekend will not be perfect....but if I can get one day down to 1400 it would be a victory!!!!!!  So I'm going to try this weekend....but hard core on Monday!!!!

So just a wee little 'Maryfran' snafu story to end this post...

I knew today was going to be a low step day for me due to circumstances beyond my control. So I was up early and doing some stuff around the house this morning and I was purposely taking extra steps and not being effieicent with my steps in order to wrack up those steps while I could. I was so proud of myself.....then after about 45 minutes I realized that my Fitbit was still on the charger!!!!

Contemplation

Let me start with the stats from my 2017 miles in the year 2017 challenge and more specifically the month of April.  I need 166 miles in April to not fall further behind....but my goal is to make up at least 25 miles making it a total of 191 miles needed for April.  Monday marked  1/3 mark of the month completed.   I am happy to say that at end of day Monday I was at 101.73 miles. (Thank you biking!). That makes me more than halfway to the goal for the month!

On Monday and Tuesday we rode on the canal in the afternoon. 

 

I love riding through the fields of bluebells!!!  We also have spent quite a bit of time traipsing around looking for mushrooms.  

This morning I got up and ran 3 miles.  (More on that later) and mowed the grass.  And I made it to work by 9:45 AM!

So in a post from last week, I wrote about the difficult run that I had on that day.  I received a comment from Shelley who blogs at MyJourneytofit   Shelley to me is the voice of  reason.  I've been reading her blog for long enough to watch her go through various stages of health, fitness and running....including some self analyzation as she figured out that long distance running doesn't make her happy...but the shorter distances do!   So yes....she knows and would totally recognize the chords of dissonance within me! 

In her comment she basically asked me if I REALLY wanted to run or if I just wanted to want to run.  WOW!!!  Good question Shelley!!!!

Thus began a crazy journey of thoughts and introspection as I really tried to find an answer to her question. Not so much for her, but for me!  

In her comment she had mentioned that I seem to love biking and hiking more, or at least seemed happier during those activities. So I chose that as my starting point.  I AM quite happy when I hike and bike.  I had no problem agreeing to that fact! But why???  I had definitely encountered hikes where I was in pain and hurting bad.  On February 6th  of this year we hiked Mary's Rock and I was NOT liking hiking.  Yet I was mysteriously happy!  The same thing goes for hiking.  On Saturday April 1rst I had a ride that was rough but on the 2nd I had a great bike ride!!!

Once again even on the 'bad day' I was happy. Go figure?  Was it the scenery of where we were at?

 

Ok yeah, it was pretty but that wasn't it!   Then I realized that I was happy and pushed through the bad run because of who I was with.  From there it wasn't long until I realized that when I am with Jason I also tend to trivialize my aches and pains because 'I'm tough' and still have a lot of fun!  Seriously, the first hike with him back in 2015 I was huffing and puffing like a steam train but tried to hide it....and then if course there was the recent bike ride where I flipped over the handlebars on the side of a mountain path....I was sore and my wrist hurt but I blithely rode on and had a fabulous time!!!

So I learned

1.  Having company on these excursions makes a difference!

2.  I push myself harder when with Jason and this have better results which means I have a larger sense of pride at my accomplishments.

3.  I simply am happy when I'm with him!!!

4.  Bad hikes/rides are counter balanced with good rides and hikes.

Hmmmmm that is interesting....but let's think about running now.

My first question to myself was 'why am I pushing myself to run?'  Is it because I want to call myself a runner or are there other reasons.

I had to dig deep for this and I went back to the beginning.  When I first started running I did it simply because it seemed  the thing to do.  I frequently commented that you don't often see fat runners...so I wanted to run because 'it's gotta be good'.  But that idea quickly disappears and went away. I continued running because I wanted to conquer that C25K. I wanted to be victorious.

But along the way I found out a few things about myself and running.

1.  I found utter exhilaration from a fabulous run!

2. I discovered a body that responded, became strong and did amazing things. I was proud of what my body could do!

3. I found utter clarity in my thoughts while I run.

4.  Running brought me energy and happiness.  There is nothing better than that energetic feeling of being alive when I finish a run.  (Ok there may be a few other better things....like a kiss from Jason....but you know what I mean!)

5.  Is it wrong to say that I found that I like the feeling of the hot sweat on my body telling me that I did something good for myself?

Yes, I guess I actually do like running....or at least the feelings and by-products of running.

So what is the problem?  Why is running right now giving me NONE of these pleasures?

Well obviously the current weather keeps me from getting all hot and sweaty...but that's coming soon.  But what else....for that I went back to the reasons that hiking and biking are pleasurable.   And one thing was glaring....

I haven't had a fabulous run in months....oh you know the runs I'm talking about....(or any workout for that matter)...these are the ones where your body feels like it could go on forever, everything feels good and rights. The angels are singing because it's so perfect!  Yeah....I can faintly remember that...in the far far distant past. How long? Probably as far back as late summer 2015.   Shortly after that might run I got sick ...like two days later!  And then began a slow recovery.   I was finally on my feet and vacations were over and starting to run and I sprained my ankle    And it just continued.  Lack of running and inconsistent running and the bad runs just piled up....one on top of the other!!!   Oh and then my weight crept upwards and that just compounded the bad runs!!!  All bad runs with no fabulous ones to counter-act the bad.  Well no wonder!!

So I guess what it boils down to right now is that yes, I only want to run and I don't currently love running.  But that is only because I am not reaping the benefits.  But I keep trying because I crave the benefits.

So to reap the benefits that I crave I must run and push myself through these bad runs.  In doing this I will rebuild my body and bring about the heavenly runs!!!  And that means consistently running!

Ironically enough I took a stack of magazines to work one day this week to catch up on my reading.  The May 2017 issue of Runners World was one of them.  As I flipped through the magazine I saw a section entitled 'Refresh your Running Life'. They had a mutitude of suggestions.  Some were...

- switch from the roads to trails

-focus on distance instead of speed (or vice versus)

-add extra reps

- go from sporadic to consistent. 

On page 22 it said "If your not running for at least 30 minutes every other day your body will struggle to adapt to the stresses on your musculoskeletal and cardiovascular systems.  Consistency helps pass the point  at which every run feels hard."

Ok then, I had already decided that I needed consistency in order to fix this problem and then I just happened to open this magazine and read this article?  Maybe this is a sign from heaven!!!!

So my run this morning.....I decided to go outside with no expectations at all.   Or rather I decided to go out with very low expectations.  I also got my headphones to sync/pair so I ran without wires!  Woohooo!!!    So the run?  I was expecting horror.  It wasn't bad!!!!   The run was not  fabulous but it was definitely much better than recent runs.