Acceptance

So, what is a good motivator to stay within ones food budget for the day????? Hmmmm, would a pair of pants splitting at the seam while you are wearing them do it???? OK, this morning I was fixing breakfast for Todd and I. I was wearing a pair of flannel lounging pants. They are not overly tight...or so I thought. I made breakfast and called Todd to eat. I sat down.....shhhhrrrriiiiiiiiip. I felt my seat of my pants and sure enough, I didn't feel soft cozy flannel, but rather cool skin. Uhhhhhh, not good! Not happy here! But, just another reminder to keep myself focused!

My weight this morning jumped from 199.0 to 200.6. One point six pounds in a day? Possible???? Yeah. But I definitely did not eat 1.6 pounds worth of food. :-) Soooo here's hoping it's water! No matter the cause, I'm focused on reversing it. I did have a big breakfast today. Pancakes and turkey sausage. However, I've planned out the rest of my day eating wise and I'm good!

I think part of this journey for me is to start to stop making excuses. Yeah, I worked outside yesterday morning so that when I came in to eat lunch I scarfed up every morsel of food that was readily available to me...BUT I worked all morning. Excuses! I didn't need that extra food. My body had received enough nutrients from my planned lunch. I did not need seconds! I need to stop making excuses and just say...it happened so lets move on. The question pops into my mind though....where is that fine line between making excuses and consoling oneself. For example, saying....I had a lot of sodium yesterday so it's probably water weight. That is still an excuse isn't it? Yet, it also keeps me calm and motivated. There is a fine line there!

Acceptance is a difficult thing. Not just as I just wrote, accepting responsibility for my setbacks. But also accepting what I am. I have changed drastically from what I used to be and what I am now. And sometimes I just don't get it still. Yeah, I'm riding my bike mad miles. (for me at least.....and growing all the time as my endurance improves) Yet I still feel like the sluggard MF from days gone by. I struggle with believing in myself. I doubt myself at every turn in my biking adventures. I am stuck thinking like the fat maryfran that bought her bike in 2001. The MaryFran that proudly took her bike to the canal and hopped on to ride and didn't even make it a mile before she was practically falling off the bike in total exhaustion. Yes, I went about a half mile to 3/4 of a mile and was so exhausted that we took a LONG break before heading back to the car. And we had to stop numerous times on the way back to the car so that I could catch my breath and rest up, gathering myself to bike just a little further until the next rest break. Reconciling that MF to the current MF is difficult!

I've been in a melancholy mood the last few days. I've been working on some scrapbook layouts, trying to finish the bulk of last years events and activities. (Right now all that is left, for the most part is our October vacation from last year....so I"m giving myself permission to start working on my April GWG stuff!). What makes me melancholy is the pictures of me from last summer. I was so much trimmer, my face was lean. I was looking dang good, It makes me sad that I frittered away the winter and gained and now I'm behind the eight ball again. I want to get back there sooo bad! And of course the scales creeping up the last few days does NOT make it any easier! But I will persevere with it....and I will work on accepting my new self!

Well, my weight this weekend was well, pretty much the same. On Saturday I had that small increase. And on Sunday I went up to 199.0 Today I held steady at 199.

BUT..........worked outside all morning and when I came in, I didn't stick with my planned meal. I had seconds! And totally blew my food budget for today. I'm goint to do my best to keep it reigned in tonight...and add exercise tonight to negate my food splurge! Otherwise, all it well.

Disgusted!

Disgusted, whatever about????

Well, lets start with the fact that I woke up early and decided to check my mail. While checking my mail I hopped onto the weather website. I wasn't disgusted about what I saw for sure! The last time I had checked the 10 day forecast they were calling for 3 partly sunny/cloudy days out of the 10. BUT this morning it has changed to 9 partly sunny days out of the 10. That is excellent news. Today is one of the partly sunny days! YIPPEE! I immediately decided to ride my bike to work today! I made the plans, I did everything...and right before I left I double checked the hourly for the day and saw the doom and gloom. Chance of scattered showers in the morning. ARRRGGGHHHH I don't want chance of scattered showers! SOOOOOOO I drove to work. Booooo hoooo hoooey!

Disgusted. Yesterday I slugged myself up those hills. I worked out. I found myself hungry through the day so I did end up dipping into and eating some of my exercise earned food allowance. Not much 150 calories! Sooo woo hoooo, when my weight was up .2 of a pound today there was much much cause for celebration. (note the sarcasm!) Ohh well......stick with it, and the good stuff will happen!

On a brighter note......well...the never ending rain has seemed to have run it's course! In a fwe days the ground will be dry enough to till...so we can FINALLY get our strawberry bed planted, and asparagus and horseradish. All of which are currently residing in my refrigerator, in the crisper drawer!

I'm struggling withhow I feel today. Not so much physically (nope, I'm used to the ache in the shoulder/back and the sinus congestion is still there, but has eased up quite a bit)...but mentally. Today my cup is half empty. I keep telling myself that my mood is my choice. My mood is my choice. Think it will work if I keep saying it????

Well, I had so much to say yesterday and I totally did not have a chance to get online and write a post. So today rolls around and I forgot what I wanted to say! Oh well. I will say that as of this morning that my weight is down to 198.4!!! I'm absolutely delighted!

Yesterday morning I got up and rode on the exercise bike for an hour and a half as it was really wet and looking like rain. This morning however I got up and headed out! I got a really nice ride in!!! This is the first hilly ride since my GWG ride in mid April...so it was past time to get a hilly ride in! My heart rate was WAY up there....I got a great workout in!

sickness and weight

Whew....this morning I woke up feeling like I'd been run over by a bus....no, a bus isn't big enough, a tractor and trailer....no a train! Whew. I was reduced to routing in the bathroom for medication. But, alas I don't like to take medication. It is a totally last resort for me. SO, when I finally hit the 'storage' spot I was tickled when I found something that was perfect. I checked the expiration date. I'm not anal about expiration dates...but when I saw that this had expired in 2003 I kinda figured it wasn't a good thing to take. SO I sat there and cleaned out that drawer. My garbage can is now full! I think there was only one or two things that was left. Sadly enough, nothing for me at this juncture in my life. I will say that being upright and moving has eased it up a bit. Now the big 'argument' in the house is that I'm determined to go to the gym. My husband is just as equally determined that I not work out! Well shucks!

My eating plan for yesterday worked like a charm. I didn't even snitch an extra 6 calorie pickle slice. Because staying totally on track was the goal and the end result was that cheesecake . Instead of eating huge bites of cheesecake, I savored it and thoroughly enjoyed it!

SOooo even after my cheesecake what did the scales say this morning???? 200.2 Down! WOO HOOO!!!

Holding steady

My weight held steady today. Exactly the same. I'm cool with that. I mean for the last 4-5 days it has dropped a pound or so every day. I knew that couldn't last and continue. I'm staying on target and I've got my foods planned out for today. Because I dont' have to cook for Todd and thereby if I can control myself can use less out of my food budget, I have enough left in the budget to allow for a splurge of cheesecake. It is a lower fat version. And no, it's not as smooth and creamy as a full fat version...but it does the job. So I'm super tickled to have this treat planned into my day! And no, I'm not using mad numbers of my earned exercise calories to eat this!

I got up this morning and rode the exercise bike. I soooo badly want to be outside. I probably could have gone out today on my bike...but I"m still feeling a bit under the weather. Ok, my sinus are draining, I'm hacking up the crap that's draining, my throat is sore, my voice is hoarse. Yeah, I didn't want to get out on the bike and start to feel worse...so I rode inside. Whadya know..the first day that it's not raining and i'm under the weather! BOO HOOOOOO

Raindrops keep falling on my head!

Rain!

That about sums up the morning! Well, actually not. But it does have a lot of bearing on the morning. I heard Todd putzing around the bedroom early and looked at the clock. 4:55???? What? Is this really my husband? Up before 5AM??? No way! But he was. I mumbled hello and drifted back to sleep. I drifted in and out of awareness until he was finishing his coffee and putting his shoes on. I heard him getting ready to leave so I mumbled my goodbyes. He was going to the studio to paint the floor. He had turned off the fan so I could hear the rain pounding away on the roof. Finally jarred the whole way awake, I gave up trying to sleep and turned the light on to finish reading my book. By about 6:30 or so I was done with my book and ready to face the day. I weighed myself, ate my breakfast and directly hopped onto the exercise bike. I rode until about about 9AM.....roughly an hour and a half. Todd came home while I was on the bike and he agreed to run to the next town with me to go to the bank. So I showered and we went out for a drive through the wet dreary day. We checked on the level of the river, went to the post office, ran to the bank and stopped to get gas in my car (hey, if he's going to pump, I'd be a fool not to have him do it). We took different back roads so that we saw as much as we could see before going back home. I got home and it was still only 10AM. I didn't have to be at work until noon! So a productive morning.

My weight, dropped again this morning! YIPPEE! I'm tickled! I will hopefully soon be back under 200 pounds. And I do swear that this time, when I get solidly into the 100's that I will NOT return to twoterville! I've learned my lesson...the decline (actually the rise of the scales) comes quickly and harshly, taking no prisoners!

My health....oh what a story.

The shoulder? Hurts. What else can I say? Ever since my massage on Thursday it has been hurting worse than it's hurt in the last few weeks. Admittedly, yogo didn't help! tee hee hee Wonder what would happen if I did yoga again tonight?????? haa haa haa Ok, not a good idea, I think I'll pass on yoga tonight. However, I am thinking that a nice long soak in the tub with the Epsom salts may be a good idea.

The throat? Hurts. My voice is all hoarse and raspy. My husband is getting chuckles because I'm talking to him in this deep raspy voice. I'm leaning toward it being a simple sinus issue and not any bug (mono or the piggy flu...yeah yeah yeah...swine flu...but doesn't piggy sound much more fun??.....)due to the way that I can feel the sinus' draining and all that. We'll have to see, time will tell.

BUT, other than those two things, I feel peachy! Dandy! Hunky Dory! A little wet but pretty darn spiffy!

What was I thinking???

Got up this morning and after boiling and baking a batch of bagels that I had made yesterday. No fears...no bagels for me. First of all, bagels are not my favorite thing (I 'tolerate' them). But the kind that Todd requested I really do not like. (Everything Bagels). I had my bowl of cheerios and then we were off to the gym. 72 minutes of cardio later and we were done! We made one quick stop while in town and then we came home. For lunch I made whole wheat pizza dough and threw together a pizza for us. And then commenced an afternoon of simple relaxation. I worked on my scrapbook, trying to get some small events caught up so that I can scrapbook our vacation from last fall and then on to what I'm dying to scrap about...and that is my Girls With Gears event and weekend. :-) Moving along toward that! Dinner came and I ate wisely (fruits and veggies since my lunch of pizza took such a big chunk from my food budget). All in all, I can chalk up another day of staying in the food budget!

After dinner is when the problem began,.....or technically while I was cooking dinner. I noticed at first a tickle in my throat. And as the evening has progressed it has become a full fledged sore throat! This is not cool! Lets just look at the situation. I'm working with a gal that has/has had mono. ARRGGHHH! I"m hoping it's nothing serious.

SOOOO as if the cold wasn't' enough, I decided that I had better do a little more exercise. I have but have never used The Biggest Loser Weight Loss Yoga. I decided tonight was the night. OHhhh my word, I did the first two workouts (not including the warm up) and it was HARD. I was shaking and sweating up a storm as I tried to hold positions and such. But I finished. The problem? Sitting here at the computer my back is just really sore! YIKES!

Weight this morning...down again!

So far so good. I had a really good day with my exercise and food yesterday. I ate exactly what was planned. After dinner I was really craving something sweet. Not so much for the sweetness, but the tacos were spicy and I just needed something to take that tangy spice out of my mouth. SO I picked up a small piece of candy and had that. I did the trick perfectly. I logged it and I was still right where I needed to be in my food budget!

Scales are dropping. Yeah, I know that these massive drops (1.4 pounds yesterday morning and 1.2 pounds this morning) are due to water weight. But you know what...I'll take it anyway I can get it!

I just finished up my grocery list and i've culled through my coupons and I'll be ready to hit up the grocery store this afternoon....gotta restock on fresh fruits and veggies. That is the only thing with shopping for groceries only every two weeks. The second week is rather lame on the fresh produce. I plan it out as well as I can and we use my home canned produce to supplement so it's not too bad, but I'm looking forward to getting the fresh produce! And no...we save way too much money by doing groceries every 2 weeks! I found that I was spending the same amount each week (maybe 25 dollars less) for groceries versus what I'm spending now every other week. That means I've almost cut my grocery bill in half! That is amazing. Don't know if it's more close planning or the removal of two weeks worth of impulse buying...but whatever it is (probably the combination),we'll run with it!

Woke up early this morning and I rolled myself out of bed and hit the exercise bike. 52 minutes of exercise complete this morning! I'm on a roll finally the eating AND exercise is both on target. Now just to keep this momentum going. I want this weight to come OFF!

Water weight go away!

The water retention weight is slowly going away. I was happy with what I saw on the scales. Well, happier than yesterday, that's for sure!

Went to the gym this morning before work. Got in one hour and 22 minutes of cardio. I'm still not doing much strength. First because I'm bad and just don't do it. But secondly because I've been instructed to not do weights with my upper body. Ohhhh shucks! :-)

Meanwhile, my eating is all planned out for the day and I'm lookin' good on all fronts!

the attack of popcorn and water weight

I managed to not eat the kitchen cupboards and everything in them on Tuesday night. My plan worked well. I even had some extra points/calories so that I could enjoy some popcorn in the evening. However, as I was eating the popcorn, I realized my error. well, not really an error, but I realized that my weight would be skewed the next morning as I admittedly put way to much salt on my popcorn. And i was right. My weight on Wednesday morning was quite a bit higher.

Wednesday, I didn't let my weight get me down. I went to the gym and plugged away. I don't know if it was because I started on the elliptical and I have kinda ignored the elliptical for a while or what, but my legs felt like lead pipes. HEAVY! Good news, we may have found a new gym to go to. They are opening a Planet Fitness within a mile from the location of our current gym. We have been contemplating leaving our current gym for a while. One reason is cost...it's rough on the pocket book. But also because it's tight and cramped and filled with really old people. As in old people that can barely walk and are there for therapy. Nothing wrong with that...but it's overrun...in a bad way. So Planet Fitness appears to be a heck of a lot cheaper. The only real difference seems to be the exercise classes...planet fitness does not have them. Hmmmm, I've never gone to any anyway (with the exception of spin...which I did love...but I haven't been back in 2 months and when I've tried to go and call to reserve a spot, they have no room...already booked up). So we'll go and check it out when it actually opens.

I am however appalled at the gym. When we were talking to the sales person and he was giving us the selling points. And one of the selling points was free pizza night. Where they give pizza to their members that are there. WHAT???? The next selling point was Bagel morning. NO WAY! Interesting. Can't say that if we join that I'll be partaking of those perks!

So I knew I was in trouble with my weigh in for Wednesday morning on Tuesday night while I was eating my popcorn. But when Todd got home, I knew that my Thursday morning weigh in may be in trouble. You see he walked in and his first words were "wow, that smells good". Of course referring to the popcorn. SO predictably last night rolls around and he asks for popcorn for a snack. Yes, I ate popcorn again...was there ever any doubt? Sooo my Thursday morning weigh in was still high. I can only hope and pray that tomorrow it drops. I'm super determined to keep my food budget under control and not screw it up tonight so that hopefully I can recoup some of that water weight!

Finding the right fit

For years I've heard about people that just gush about how much they love exercise and it has always made me somewhat sick to my stomach. I mean, exercise....love? Do you mean in the same sentence? No way! That is not possible. But I do have to back pedal a bit and say that part of it is finding the right fit. Finding that right exercise to make it at least bearable. I doubt I will ever be a person that jumps out of bed and says "exercise is the best thing in the whole wide world". I know that I will ALWAYS have memories of the sluggard Maryfran that would rather wake up and stay in bed curled up with a good book. Yes, that is the epitome of a great day for me. Wake up and read all day....staying in my pajamas and just relaxing all day! But I digress. Even though I will never be one to just gush and rave about how much I love exercise I have noticed in the last few weeks that I am gushing about my bike and my bike rides. I find myself going to mapmyride.com to add in my rides (it allows you do to any exercise....not just outdoor bike rides, but also stationary bikes, walks, runs, weights, gym equipment, etc etc). True, all of my exercise/training entries are bike rides either on the stationary or an actualy outdoor ride..but they are all bike related. Woahhhhhhh hold the horses. What's up with this. It wasn't until my wild bike buddy talked about how much she loves her bike and how it was just utterly amazing to hear herself go on about her bike that I realized that...oh my word...I'm an exercise gusher! I don't live for it...but I really do enjoy it!

It takes finding that right fit for exercise. Finding what I enjoy and what makes me feel good. For me, biking is that. When I'm out on the bike I feel so refreshed and renewed when I get back. Not just physically, but emotionally, mentally and spiritually as well. For biking gives me that time to contemplate issues in my life, ponder situations and reflect on everything. Biking is my right fit!

Sooooo, my weight didn't budge today on the scale. No problem. :-) I did get up and we had breakfast together. I made pancakes and turkey sausage. So I'll be eating lighter fare the rest of the day. I've got my eating all planned out so as to not blow my food budget today. After breakfast, I left the dishes in the sink and I hopped onto the exercise bike and rode for 75 minutes. That left me just enough time to jump in the shower and get ready to be at work on time. Now I have to admit.....the weather is nice and I would have rather have been outside on my bike. However, with my lower back being so sore yesterday I wanted to make sure that I was ok before I got miles from home and then had a problem.

Tonight Todd will not be home. This can be a problem for me as I can be a bit of closet eater. You know, if no one sees me eat it, then it doesn't count right? Haa haa haa. but I have my plan. I've already written down my food for dinner tonight in my journal. I'll get home at about 6:15. I figure to eat and clean up the kitchen (remember dishes from breakfast still in the sink). I was watching an episode of the Australian Biggest loser this morning and it ended in the middle of a challenge! So I'm DYING to see how it ends. I have a rule, I can only watch the Australian Biggest Loser's when I'm riding (on the laptop which is propped up on the handlebars of the exercise bike...gotta love youtube). SOoooo since I'm dying to watch the next episode (it should only be a 30 minute episode) I'm planning on hopping back on the exercise bike after dinner. I'll bike that 30 minutes and then hop in the bathtub filled with hot water and epsom salts (for my shoulder) and soak for a bit. That will take me to TBL on tv tonight! And heavens, I would feel guilty eating while watching Bob and Jillian beating those guys to a bloody pulp in the gym! That is the plan! I hope it works!

weekend work report

What a weekend! The fun never stopped! I worked on Saturday morning and rushed home. Todd was just about ready to leave so I rushed around and grabbed my healthy lunch (mostly fruits and veggies). We ran up to Hagerstown to mom and dad's house. I fired up their mower and push mowed their yard, the restaurant's grassy area and my grandmother's house. All in all about 45 minutes to an hour of push mowing. Todd cut down some brush while I mowed. We didn't want to appear rude, but when the mowing was done, we piled back in the car and beat a hasty retreat back to Sharpsburg. Once in Sharpsburg we hopped onto our bikes and rode on the canal for about an hour. The canal is gorgeous this time of year with all the bluebells in full bloom. We rode between Snyders Landing and Shepherdstown (that general area) and in some areas the sides of the towpath were a sea of blue flowers. Absolutely gorgeous! We got back to our house at around 4:30 and after stowing away the bikes, I headed outside. As our riding lawn mower is still in the shop, I fired up the old lawn boy. I mowed from about 4:30 until about 6:30 or so before calling it quits for the night. (ok, I only called it quits because I broke the mower and had to quit). I went inside and made dinner and baked a cake and we had a late dinner (pizza). We were in bed EARLY as the day had worn us out.

Sunday dawned bright and early for me. I was up at around 6AM. I had my cheerio breakfast and I was off and running. BY 8AM I had the house cleaned, two loads of laundry from the day before were put away and the next two loads of clothes were on the clothes line outside. By 8:30 I was over at the studio and I was working preparing the flower beds for the upcomign season. They needed to be tilled and all that good stuff. I then moved to the wood chipper and chipped up some trees that we cut down. The chipped stuff makes an excellent mulch...and the flower beds are pretty much already mulched for the year due to my chipping yesterday. Our vegetable garden is also now tilled and ready to go also. We got back to our house at roughly 2:45 having worked out in the sun for all of the morning and early afternoon. I took a short break and drank some water inside and then back outside. I worked outside, more mowing and some transplanting of flowers until about 6PM. Then it was inside to make dinner (pesto crusted chicken, sweet potatoes, steamed brocolli). My final activity for the evening was to hop on the exercise bike. I mustered up a 30 minute ride and then called it quits!

Soooo I wake up this morning and find myself stiff as a board! My weight was up a bit. I think it's mostly water as I was drinking but I think I was sweating it out faster than I could drink it in. My shoulder is still giving me grief (but surprisingly not as bad as one would think after a weekend of work) but it's my lower back that is just making me want to scream. I periodically have problems with my lower back so I'm not too surprised. It will ease up (ironically enough, the last time my lower back hurt was the day that I worked out the stiffness on the bike...the same day that my shoulder started to hurt.....go figure). I'm sunburnt (not really bad...just a bit pink) But i'm happy with my weekends activity!

Business!

Weighed today...not happy! It seems as if my body is happy fluctuating within a 2-3 pound range and it doesn't want to go any further. The good news is it's not going up. But it's increasingly frustrating because I see 201 and then it pops to 202 or 203 or even 204. Frustrating. If I remember correctly, I had the same problem when I was getting ready to break the 200 mark the last time. So my body must like this weight! However, I'm determined to break through it! (the monthly ick could be affecting my weight today.....yeah I'll stop with the excuses!)

This weekend will be really busy. I work until noon today. I'll be rushing home and eating lunch. From there we will hop in Todd's car and heading to mom and dad's. I'll be mowing their house, the restaurant and my grandmothers properties while Todd runs the weedwhacker and chainsaw on a few problematic spots. I know from past experience that it takes about 45 minutes to mow all that up there and Todd estimates he'll need an hour. From there, we will head home and hop on our bikes. We want to take a ride on the canal today. The blue bells are up...and it is always so pretty to ride through a sea of bluebells! I'll be taking my camera! After that, I hope to come home and mow our yard. Or at least part of our yard! The riding lawn mower is still in the shop, so that will be more time behind a push mower. After that I do believe it will be time for dinner. So inside, shower and dinner! Dinner tonight is homemade pizza. I figure that with all this activity, Pizza is a perfect 'reward'. One, it's my favorite. But secondly, I'll have burned those calories before I even eat the pizza! (I have a big but low point lunch planned for myself, so even without the exercise, I probably would be ok with the pizza!)

Tomorrow it's another ride planned for me (hopefully on the road) and then garden work all day. We will be starting at the studio and doing those gardens first (we actually have someone that bartered studio time for manual labor time, so we will have help to get those flower and the vegetable garden area in shape). Lunch (we are feeding the guy) and then a full afternoon in our yard and garden areas! WHEW! I'll have laundry out on the line and I should work on cleaning the house when I have a spare minute or two. (I got on my hands and knees and scrubbed the kitchen floor last night...so the kitchen is done...for the time being!)

I'm all excited. There is another ride I want to do. It's on June 6th...and it's in Lancaster Co. How perfect is that. It's to raise money to save the farmlands of Lancaster Co. The ride is actually in New Holland. I hope to do this ride...and I'll be talking to Todd and making the final yes or no decision this weekend! This ride will be 20 miles and from looking at the route and comparing elevations seems to have no hills that are worse than what I did in GWG, and seems to be a bit flatter any! (not to mention 5 miles shorter!)

I'm hoping that life slows down some. However, I'm not sure that it will. This morning I was up at about 6:30AM. I got an hour ride in on the exercise bike (it was cold out at 6AM) and I had the clothes on the line outside by 8. I ate my breakfast, cleaned up the kitchen and got ready to go to work. Even though I had already ridden about an hour, I decided to ride my bike to work. Yessiree bob, I did. I rode my bike in to town. It's a great feeling. I'll admit that because of my earlier ride, my legs were a bit stiff and sore. Ohhh wait, maybe that's because the road I live on, is just plain no fun to ride!!! Soooooo I've had a good day of exercise.

This weekend will be busy. I'm determined to ride one if not both days. We are going up to Hagerstown tomorrow to work in mom and dad's yard (I'll mow their properties and Todd has some weed whacking and chainsawing to do). And then we have a lot of stuff to do in our yard and vegetable garden! Not to mention that our riding lawn mower is still at the shop..so I'll be push mowing AGAIN! Great exercise! Just think of all the extra food I'll get to eat because of all of this activity! I will also have more laundry to do and hang that out on the line (and then of course bring it in off the line) and the house is in desperate need of cleaning. And lets not forget the normal cooking and cleaning up that cooking entails. So no rest for the weary this weekend!

I can't believe it is Thursday already. Where has this last week gone. I think it was partly because it was such a big weekend for me. And the high that I've been on has contributed to it just flying by. Not to mention that I've been just insanely busy. I've been running errands and just going hither and yon all around town. Yesterday the plan was to get to the gym in the midst of appointments, pre-arranged meetings and those pesky errands. But somehow that just didn't happen. I think part of the problem was that after my massage my shoulder felt so good that i didn't want to 'upset the apple cart' and irritate it any! So this morning I was planning on definitely exercising. Afterall, I didn't have to be at work until 8. BUT once again life intervened. I spent a good chunk of my morning working on an issue with a company regarding something for the studio, making dinner for tonight (I have a mandatory training meeting after work tonight, so I'll be getting home later...which means I want to have dinner pretty much ready to go) and all that general stuff around the house. Let me tell you, I was scrambling to get my shower and eat lunch before I got here!

So no exercise this morning. I keep telling myself that I'll do it tonight. But being honest, I know that it may not happen. if I'm not getting home until around 8, by the time I eat dinner and clean up from that it will be 9 or so. And will I really exercise at 9PM??? If I don't, I'll be getting up EARLY tomorrow morning. NO EXCUSE!

tuesday check in

This morning I honored my vow. I weighed before my weekend began. Todd and I treated the weekend as a holiday. I did splurge and had a piece of cake on Saturday. I didn't eat all my fruits and veggies. I drank some diet soda and not my normal water. And on Sunday on the way home from my bike ride I just started thinking about how much and how good a milkshake would taste...so I got one. It was delish! That said, I still tried to eat responsibly and of course I rode my bike on Sunday for a few hours. :-) My vow was that I would get myself back on the scale on Tuesday morning no matter what. I stepped on the scale. At my pre weekend weigh in I was 202.8. This morning I was 201.8. Not to bad! Whew. So no damage!

I hopped on the good old exercise bike this morning. I'm kicking myself now. They were calling for thunderstorms this afternoon so i didn't ride my bike to work. And of course I'm sitting here and the sun is shinning! Oh well! I plan on riding a bit more tonight....either before TBL or during the first half!

I'm pretty happy with how my body did on the bike ride on Sunday. It is definitely the longest ride that I had ever done on the road!

WHEW! Yes, my bike ride is over. I'm actually quite sad. Because even though I was nervous, I had a blast!

First of all, it was absolutely great to meet Donna and her husband Andy! They totally rolled out the red carpet and welcomed us! Meeting someone that I have corresponded with for so long was a real treat and would have made the weekend special but then add that to the bike ride and it was splendid!

Saturday morning Todd and I woke up early (early for us) and headed out. The plan was to get to the early check in area for the bike event at around 10 or 10:30 and then have the day to sight-see and relax. Normally Todd and I do not get lost but wowzers, did we get lost. Somehow we totally got off the road and onto a totally different road without knowing it. So we didn't get to the early check in until about 11AM. I quickly checked in and got a recommendation for lunch. We went to a little dive looking place called Ortino's. I got a Pesto Turkey Wrap and a side salad. Quite tasty. (Todd got a salad and a veggie burger). From there we headed south to Valley Forge. We did a little of the tourist thing there. (As a side note...what an awesome place to be active! We saw horses, bikes, runners, walkers, roller bladers, sunbathers, etc). After Valley Forge we headed up to meet Donna and Andy. Great couple (yes donna, I'm being honest and saying this even though I know your reading it...don't let it go to your head...tee hee hee). We went to a vineyard where Todd did some taste testing and purchased a few bottles of wine. I'll admit, when we pulled up I was a tad bit skeptical as it looked like a total dive. I was wondering what in the world I had found online and I was thinking that I drug everyone there and it was going to be a bust. However, it was a good lesson to not judge a book by it's cover. After the wine tasting and purchase we headed toward dinner. We ate at a great place called The Perk. I got the tortellini with two big meatballs. It was sooo very yummy! And yes, I ate a little of Bessie the cow. But hey, I never said I was going to go totally beefless! After dinner we finished our tour of the town and then relaxed and chitchatted with our new friends.

Saturday morning dawned early. I awoke nervous. This was it! It was time to sink or swim! I showered and got ready to go. We had breakfast and we were off. We arrived at the park where the ride was to begin at around 7AM and we unloaded our bikes. I had a bit of a panic as somewhere somehow I had misplaced my bib number. Yes, I know that I was rider number 68...but where was the pesky bib number. I tore apart the bags in the trunk...I searched the car high and low, it was not there! YIKES! Oh well, Donna and I had walked to get the cue sheets and I had figured out that I didn't really need the number as I had already received my goody bag and my meal ticket was actually an armband (can be worn in the shower...teee hee hee) that I did have. Soooo by about 7:20 or so, we were on our bikes and heading out. We had decided to head out as early as possible so that we didn't have to worry about our speed and we could go at our own pace and stop when we wanted. The scenery was wonderful! The temperature (for the whole weekend) was fabulous! We rode. My head was on a swivel and I babbled on for the first half of the trip. I didn't talk as much the second half. :-) The first half, while more hilly was my favorite. We were on back roads. The second half of the ride was in more developed areas. Just my personal preference. I am proud to say that I rode every inch of the ride...which actually ended up being 26 miles instead of 25. I didn't break any speed records and the hills were done at a snails pace....but I did them!!!!

Getting back to the park was extremely exhilarating! I had done it! It felt great! We talked a while and then we got in line for our lunch. Lunch for me was a grilled chicken sandwich and a Cesar salad. Food tastes so good after exercise. :-) While waiting in line for our food I received the shock of my life. Posted nearby was a list of the top three fundraisers. Whatdaya know....I as number three! We went back to where the boys were and we were eating. Todd ran up to get a picture of the poster and heard them calling my name. I went and they gave me a $100 gift certificate to thank me for my fundraising. It was to the local bike shop!. We talked to Andy and Donna for a bit more and then we headed out. We had a long drive in front of us and we now had to stop at the bike shop so that I could spend my money. (Oh yeah, and the massage...I paid for a massage on my shoulder before we left). At the bike shop I briefly contemplated buying a new bike (I want one!) but decided that buying a bike 4 hours from home would not be the most prudent thing. SO I instead bought the cutest bike skort and bike jersey that matched! Absolutely adorable! And then it was off toward home!

My shoulder. I was so nervous about this ride due to my shoulder. I kept praying for my shoulder to be ok for the ride. On Saturday my shoulder did pretty good. ON Sunday while I could feel a dull ache, the shoulder was GREAT! After my ride I utilized the massage therapists that they had on the premises (it was a dollar a minute donation for a massage...with the money going toward the organization that put on the ride) . I figured it was wise to try to keep my muscle as limber as possible, and the massage therapist from last week agreed that if I could get a massage on Sunday to go for it. So I did. This therapist (the Sunday one) told me that in terms of degree of how bad this is....on a scale of 1 to 10, with 10 being the worst my shoulder was an 8 at that time. And that was with no sharp pains...only the dull ache. Heavens, what was it before the first massage???? I spent much of my time on Saturday forcing myself to relax and trying to help my muscles relax. (yeah, I'm weird). Anyway, not as much pain on Sunday. So I wake up optimistic today and BAM...pain abounds! So today has been a rough day. Go figure....but hey, I prayed specifically for my shoulder to be ok on Sunday. It was ok on Sunday...but just!

Today was supposed to be a relaxing day. But it was hectic! We ended up taking Jodi to the vet for an emergency visit. $120 later and we were home. We had a quick lunch at home and then we were off back to town and a fun day of errands. We hit up the grocery store (actually two) a health food store, a craft store (yep, two of those), a friends place, oh yeah and we got an oil change in Todd's car. Got home, unloaded and put away the groceries and it was time (past time) to make dinner. So just busy and hectic!

Took today off from exercise. Looking forward to getting back into it tomorrow.

thank you card, originally uploaded by mfcstotler.

collage for TM, originally uploaded by mfcstotler.

MaryFran, originally uploaded by mfcstotler.

Today was the massage. Well, I still am quite sore. :-) But at least I don't have that shooting absolutely miserable pain that just takes my breath away. She felt my back and she was like...ohhhh your back is just a hard mass. Normally muscles are soft and pliable...uhhh not mine. My trapezius and the erector muscles on the left side are totally seized up and the right side is really tense (she said it'sbecause I've been so stiff and sore on the left that it is just naturally affecting the other side). She wasn't able to even work the muscle enough to take the pain away....it is apparently going to be a couple visit deal. So I have another appointment next week.

At the ride on sunday they are apparently going to have massages for a $1 a minute donation. I may try to sneak in and get a short massage on my shoulder. In the meantime, the therapist told me to continue with the heating pad, take warm baths after working out, and soak in the tub with epsom salt.

Meanwhile, my eating is out of control! I just can't seem to stop eating. I do not know what is up with me. That coupled with the fact that I am feeling absolutely lackadaisical about exercise and riding my bike! What is wrong with me???

Ok, so last night I gave into tempation...and the food friend thing a bit. Todd wanted dinner rolls..so I whipped some up. With half the batch of bread dough (I made a sweeter dough) I made the dinner rolls. But with the other half, I made cinnomon rolls. Uhh yeah. we each had cinamon rolls for dessert and then we each had two for breakfast this morning. They are gone..no more.

Sooo this morning I was just really fearful about stepping on the scales. It's been a couple days since I was on the scales. And of course, if you know me.....I did have some dough that I ate. Hey, I can't help it! But step on those scales I did. And my weight was down to 201.0...which is 1.2 pounds down since Saturday. WOOOHOOOOO

I have been very lax about exercising these last few days. I say I'm going to...but when the time comes I just don't. Part of it is sheer laziness. Part of it is the back/shoulder pain. (the back pain just isn't easing up...and in fact, today is the worst that it has been!). BUT this morning I did it. I woke up an extra hour ahead of schedule and rode the exercise bike for 50 minutes.

Wacky Weekend

Saturday was one of those days where we didn't do a single solitary thing. Not one! We watched movies all afternoon and just in general lounged around the house. Sadly enough I didn't even exercise...because afterall, I was planning a huge ride for Sunday...so all was good.

THEN Sunday arrived. I was dressed and ready for a long ride outside...and well, unforseen circumstances occured. This is not the forum for me to air those circumstances but lets just say that by lunchtime I was wiped out emotionally, physically, mentally and plain in just every way. And exercise was the furthest thing from my mind. There went my long ride.

But the day didn't get better. I went outside to mow the yard. I pulled out the riding lawn mower. This is the same mower that was part of the mower saga last year. And oh that mower saga was on going, it occured here and here and here and here. I could go on and one and continue finding references to that darn mower. (the saga continued for more than two months...during the middle of summer...so I didn't have a mower to take care of my yard as tha brand new piece of crap was broken). SOOOOO yesterday I went out and went to the lawn mower. Got ready to crank it up...and low and behold...surprise surprise, it didn't work. Can you believe it???? SOOO I did the only thing I could...I pulled out the small push mower and mowed our yard with a push mower. Don't stress...it only takes about 3-4 hours (if I go fast and skip some of the outer reaches) with the push mower. LEt me say, that this mower was given to us by my dad. He didn't like it because it is really heavy and hard to push. SO it's three to four hours of hard work! Yep....that's my afternoon for yesterday. (As a side note, Todd pushed for 5 minutes and it wiped him out..yet I went for hours). When I was done, I didn't have any sore areas...but I was just tired and achy. THis morning however, my shoulder (yes, the same shoulder that has been bothering me now for weeks) is in agony! Oh well.

SO we went out to eat last night. We went to Charlestown and went to a local diner. Good food. We did splurge and we split a piece of cheesecake. YUM>

We came home and settled down to watch a movie together. And that is when we heard it. The crawl space under us is open as we are doing some repairs. We heard what sounded like animals running all around in our heat ducts....which are in the crawl space. The inside cats were going CRAZY. We got flashlights and went out and looked to see if it was even possible for an animal to get in the duct (they should be sealed right). Well, it didn't take long to see that one of the ducts has come loose (where it connects to the vent coming up through the floor). PEACHY. SOOO we rigged it so the 'animal' (don't want to know what) could get out and we went to bed. Today Todd will be fixing that when he gets off of work.

SOOOO what did my stress filled day teach me? It showed me that when things are rough...I think about food. I do self medicate my feelings with food. I just wanted to eat and eat and eat yesterday. I thought about food and how good it would taste and how good I would feel while eating it. Happily, I can say that I also thought about how miserable I would feel (emotionally and physically) if I gave in to that temptation. And thus, other than splitting a dessert with my husband I didn't cave.

closet eater

Weight dropped this morning. I'm slowly recouping the gain that I had after our anniversary celebration.

Yesterday I was talking to my boss and I admited that when todd is not home in the evenings I struggle. WHY? Becuase I'm a closet eater. When he's at home I"m not tempted to eat 'extras'. But when he is not there, I am extremely tempted to eat. I think I'll get a cracker and instead of one cracker I eat fistfuls of crackers and I put peanut butter or some other topping on them. If he's home, I'll eat one.....which is good. But it bears looking at...why do I lose control when he's not there. Yeah yeah, the closet eater syndrome. But, I'm proud to say that last night I didn't mess up. Yeah, I had my dessert and I used each and every point that I had left (and one flex/ap point). But I didn't just eat and eat and eat for the sake of eating. That's not saying that I didn't want to. But I managed to control that urge.

I've found that this eating thing is more difficult at our current house. It is an open floor plan...so the kitchen is open to the living room. SO I can be in here and see the kitchen...and the power of suggestion is a huge huge huge temptation for me. At our old place, the kitchen was in a room...off on it's own. (bad because I hated to cook in it because I was off by myself.) But it was good becuase when I was on my computer the kitchen was literally two rooms away. If I was in the living room, I could see the regular sized door leading to the kitchen...but I couldn't actually see the kitchen. I couldn't actually see the bread on the counter (which sparks me to think about toast.....which in turn leads me to want toast!). The power of suggestion was not there staring me in the face!

SOOOO a new phase and a new lesson to learn as I progress along this journey!

I am getting excited about the bike ride. Tomorrow I'll be able to start watching the forecasted weather via the 10 day forcast online. Pray pray pray for nice weather!!!

My weight had jumped up on Tuesday and was still high (went up a bit further) yesterday. Today it dropped a bit. WHEW! I am determined to get this weight off!!!!

Not much else here. I was at the gym yesterday and rode this morning...so I'm still as active as possible. :-)

The day after report

Had a great meal out. It is sometimes fun to go out dressed nicely. I had dressed up yesterday for work, in anticipation for going out to eat. When I got home from work, my husband was wearing his good clothes also. I ate yummy food at the restaurant. We did indulge in the chips and salsa on the table (I love really thin tortilla chips...and the salsa/dip at this place is incredible). Todd got a margarita, which I did take a couple of sips from...however I stuck to my water. We each got a papusa for an appetizer. And for my meal I got the Lomo Saltado. It is a beef dish which marks probably the 4th time I've had beef in the last 7 of 8 months. The dish was quite tasty. (more on the beef discovery later). Todd and I declined dessert at the restaurant and instead decided to go home and have our dessert. NO NO NO....that came out wrong, let me rephrase. We declined dessert at the restaurant and instead decided to go home and make mudslides at home. One of the main reasons...at home we can control the type of ice cream used. Because you can guarantee that if you get a mudslide out, that they are not using fat free or even low fat ice cream! :-) So we stopped at the store on the way home and I picked up some fat free ice cream and voila, we had a nice treat at home (with the addition of the vodka and Kahlua).

Beef. When I first gave it up I never really missed it...but occasionally I'd break ranks and eat a little beef. At first when I did eat it, it was like rapture. It would taste soooo good. But the longer I have gone without, when I do eat beef it has become less and less tasty when I do get it. My meal was great last night, the veggies and sauce and all that stuff in the lomo was really really good...but I found the meat to be lackluster. I can only wonder, is this normal?????

Sooooo, this morning I really debated....weigh or not? I know that I ate a little more food than I probably should have. But I did it knowingly and freely acknowledging that I may gain from that choice. So I stepped onto the scale this morning and...... 203.0. So yep, up about a pound and a half. I can handle that. Plus, is it possible to gain a pound and a half in one day? I don't really think so. The chips and the mudslide were what pushed me over my points...but were they really worth a pound and a half.....5250 calories????? No worries...I'm back on track today and it will go down! :-)

anniversary preparations

Happy Anniversary to me!!!! Wedding anniversary that is. Today is our 7 year wedding anniversary. This year we decided to stay at home and continue on with our normal routines and celebrate by going out to a nice dinner. We will be taking some time/days off of work later this month, so that will be our mini anniversary trip. SOOO this morning, I woke up, wished my husband happy anniversary and after a quick breakfast he was off to work. I started thinking and decided to hit up the gym as we are going out to eat tonight. That sentence doesn't make sense? Well, I knew that going out to eat tonight, I wouldn't have time to get a nice good exercise workout in tonight. But the biggest thought in my head was food. I'll be eating yummy food. (Todd and I have pretty much already decided that we would indulge and get some papusa as an appetizer...and of course they do put out chips and a dip). So if I eat yummy food, it seemed apropos to workout this morning and try to negate some of that food. :-)

My weight stayed exactly the same today. Crazy because I rode hard yesterday. But oh well...no worries. :-)

Sunday Update

Dropped again. Yessir-ee-bob. My weight dropped again this morning. Not much. And not that I expect huge drops each and everyday. But I do like to see the numbers slowly but surely go down!

This morning I headed out on my bike and rode for 21 miles. I was actually hoping to go longer, but I had to get back because my parents were going to be picking us up as we were going to lunch together. This long biking stuff really does take time out of a busy schedule! Yeah yeah yeah, I could have gone earlier, but earlier it was a heck of a lot colder! I rode most of the time by myself but then when I was at a predetermined point, I called home and Todd rode out and met me, so I had company for the last 2-3 miles. That was nice and made those last few miles...those miles that always seem to drag on endlessly, fly by!

Went to a little diner in the next small town over from where I live. (Betty's in Shepherdstown). The food was fabulous as always. I got a half of a turkey sub (no cheese...lots of veggies on it), applesauce and a side of green beans. Man, did that food ever taste good! Food tastes so much better after a good workout! I did splurge and eat about a third of a helping of bread pudding that had a whiskey sauce on it. Nope, not the healthiest thing, but I have the points for it today. Dinner tonight for me will be lots of fresh fruits and veggies. So even without really breaking into the AP's or flex points, I'll be ok on my pointage!

Water was not the wisest option yesterday!

Hmmm, I thought I wrote a post yesterday. I guess I didn't! Oops. Not that there is nothing new to report. I'm plugging along. I'm eating withing my food budget so I'm happy. I did see a jump on the scales yesterday morning. I knew there would be a jump even before I weighed myself. How did I know this? Was it because I ate like a demon the night before? NOPE, I had eaten really good the day before, however I woke up thirsty as all get out. When I wake up thirsty, it's not a good sign. (By the time we get thirsty, our bodies are already somewhat dehydrated). And that sign is usually a bit of a jump upward on the scales. I was right .6 of a pound up. It's all good.

So I endeavored to drink up yesterday. Well, at least that was the plan. I got to work and commenced drinking. And then the toilets started backing up. Now this is a on-going problem we have here. They back up, we call the plumber, they scratch their heads and just 'wonder' why in the world the lines are getting clogged up. They open the lines and they leave. 2-3 months later it happens again. SOOOOO yesterday this happened again. We called, they showed up at about 11:30 and commenced working. We lucked out and got a guy that actually was determined to find out why this is happening so consistently. He was here for 5 hours or so....and oh yeah, he found out. (The sewage line connecting our building to the city sewer lines is apparently gone.....corroded away.). They'll be back beginning of next week to determine where the pipe ends and where they need to dig...and then digging will commence (most likely in lane two of the drive through...haa haa haa). BUT, all of this to say that we had no bathrooms. We had to go elsewhere (like drive home...only 2.5 miles) So I put a halt to the water consumption. Well, not a halt, but I slowed it down! YIKES!

So today I'm back at work. (I won't even go into the bathroom restrictions that are placed upon us at this time.....eeeewwwwww). I'm going to work on my water and not worry too much, because I'll be going home in 4 hours.

Oh yeah, so with not drinking much water yesterday...my weight dropped 2/10ths of a pound. I'll take it!

Is it wrong of me to gather motivation from the fact that come this winter when the family member is babbling about how much weight they have lost through their surgery that I want to have a smokin' hot body so that I can know in my heart that I did it on my own. (woah...what a terrible run on sentence). Is that too prideful? Hmmm??? Well, even if it is...that is my motivation. I want to be able to sit at the holiday meal table smokin' hot...me with my svelte body and know that I did it on my own....without the risks associated with surgery! And know that I'm healthy! Yeah, that probably makes me a bad person. Oh well....that's me.

Got up this morning and made bagels. Well, I finished the bagels (I had actually made the dough and formed them yesterday...and then per the instructions left them in the fridge overnight). Todd and I had bagels hot from the oven at about 7Am (well, maybe 7:30). I was on the exercise bike by 8AM...and I rode until 10! Whew! I thought that I blew my intake budget of food because I caved in and had peanut butter on my banana...but when I took a closer look I realized that all was well in food budget land.

Weight 202.0

Got up early this morning and went right to work. I stripped the sheets off the bed, washed them. I went ahead and washed the comforter (it's out on the line). I dried a few things in the dryer and folded and put that stuff away, and I exercised for 70 minutes. Yep, all before I came to work. So i had a productive morning.

Now for the bad part. For breakfast I had the rest of the dessert cups from last night. Uhhh yeah, 3 of them. I did have a banana with them. Does that make it a healthy breakfast? I mean, I had my grain (the flour tortillas were whole wheat), milk (milk in the mousse like filling) and the banana added the fruit!!! Calorie wise, I was still ok after my dessert cup breakfast. But as I was done with exercising, and I was dressed and ready to go, for some reason my hand strayed into the leftover dinner rolls. YIKES! SO there that negates my 70 minutes of exercise. I was honestly planning on riding again tonight for about 60 minutes, so I guess that's a definite now. (I usually ride for the first half of TBL..and then relax for the second half). The whole way to work (all 2.5 miles of it) I was mentally kicking myself in the butt for eating! WHY WHY WHY!!!!!!

Tonight dinner is leftover lasagna. There were two pieces left...so taht's what we are having for dinner....with a nice salad. I have to stay away from the dinner rolls!!!!!

Hail, originally uploaded by mfcstotler.

Yesterday I was pondering exercise and if I should go outside and ride or if I should 'wimp' out and ride on the exercise bike. After all, it was calling for rain! AND the roads were wet! I mean, come on! But, I started to think and realized that on the day of my bike ride, I may be riding on wet roads. I may be riding in rain. I won't have a say in it. SOOOOO, I put on my new rain jacket, popped my cell phone into a pocket, turned on the ipod and away I went. 18.5 miles later and I was home. It didn't rain or anything on me. All was good. My legs actually felt find also! I probably would have gone further, but I had given a time that I would be home so that my husband and I could run some errands, and that time was drawing nigh.

SOooo....I got brave thinking a little rain couldn't hurt me!!! Whew...was I wrong. You see, shortly after I got back it did start to rain....and then it started to hail! A LOT! Thank heavens I wasn't out on my bike during that hail storm!!!

Yesterday evening I made food for tonight. We are having company (and they will be here at 6:30....and I don't get off of work until shortly after 6~~we close at 6...so how ever long it takes us to close up and balance our drawers). SO I made lasagna and prepared stuff for a salad. I also made tortilla dessert cups. They as so good and actually somewhat not too bad for me. :-) So I sit here now...the house is clean, the table is set and I'll be leaving for work soon!

Remnants of hail storm

Remnants of hail storm, originally uploaded by mfcstotler.

Goin' Solo

Well, as I wrote yesterday, I went solo. So the question this morning is how in the world did I do flying solo without that crutch?

Well....I got home from work at about 6:15. Todd was not to be home until later, so I was on my own for dinner. No problem. When this occurs I am tickled to have a pb&J or grilled cheese and tomato soup. I opted for the grilled cheese route. Not a problem. I make it as healthy as possible and besides that, I was ok on my food budgeting for the day to allow for that soup and sandwich. I've had a lot on my mind the last few days and yesterday evening it was just all there. I was thinking about 'things' while I made dinner. I went into auto pilot mode. Looking back I do remember wondering why I didn't get enough cheese out of the fridge, but no problem, I just went and got the extra that I needed. I plated my food and sat down to eat. Since I was alone I decided to be ultra impolite (to myself??) or whatever the reason was that my mom always spouted when i tried this......and I opened my book and read while I was eating. Not a problem (shhhh don't tell mom, but I do this a lot when I'm alone). I was finishing up when all of a sudden I realized what i had done. Oh my word.....on auto pilot, I didn't make one sandwich! I made the old MaryFran's portion of sandwiches....and still in auto-pilot (and reading to drown my thoughts) I ATE THEM ALL! They were tasty...I'll say that. (As a side note...and actually rather amusing, I was in doubt about what I did.....so I actually looked in the garbage can to count the cheese wrappers, to find out how much I really did eat.) My stomach has been telling me that I didn't eat correctly yesterday too! But that quick...I took my eyes and thought off of what I was doing and I slipped into the old ways.

Lets talk about the old ways. The old ways are not just a week or two in the past. They are not even a month or two in the past. The old ways are literally YEARS past! I have been living this healthier lifestyle for a couple years! And these old ways are still deeply buried???? YIKES! I've always known that this would be a lifelong quest....but I didn't realize the extent that this stuff is buried.

Sooooo....lesson learned. Although honestly, other than giving myself a mental slap every once in a while while I'm cooking and eating to keep myself focused I don't know how to prevent against something like last night happening. It happened before I even realized it.

Cutting the apron strings

Weight watchers will always have a soft spot in my heart. Weight watchers helped motivate me and get me over a hump in my weight loss journey. But I really do feel that my time at weight watchers is at an end for the time being. Yes, I may go back eventually. (I've always said that the lifetime thing is a godsend because it would help keep constant accountability). However at this time, the meetings are just not doing it for me. Firstly, getting to a meeting is no longer a priority. When I do go to a meeting, I've struggled finding one that fits me schedule and my needs. So i have decided to stop spending $40 a month to not attend any weight watchers meetings. As I said, I will probably go back later......I can't predict the future though. But for right now my official weight watcher days are over. I'm a little sad and a little worried. Paying that monthly fee each month has been a bit of a crutch for me.....always reminding me that "I'm paying good money to lose weight...so LOSE it" But in the long run I have to look at myself and where I am.

I will forever be grateful to the weight watchers program for what it taught me. I learned and shaped my eating. I learned to make healthier options instead of simply eating nutritionally empty foods. I learned to manage and budget my eating. I learned that I can do it. But on that same breath, that crutch that weight watchers was for me I think has also become somewhat of a hindrance. I need to stand up on my on two feet and finish this journey the way I started....on my own.

So, just 5 minutes ago, I logged onto the weight watchers website and cut the financial ties to weight watchers. I am officially on my own again. I'll be honest. I'm scared to death! But I know in my heart that this is the right choice for me.

*****

My weight this morning...UP UP UP and away. I'm hoping a good deal of that is water retention because of the wonderful monthly cycle. I'm also just incredibly thirsty this morning. I'm swallowing the water at a pretty fast rate. (who knows what's up with that). I've already ridden on the exercise bike for about 45 minutes this morning and I hope to ride again this evening. :-) I am however almost at the end of the Australian Biggest Loser...I'll be looking for something else to watch on youtube...anyone have any great ideas????

Confession

Yesterday started out great. I ate my cheerios, checked my email and then Todd and I headed off to the gym. I worked out for about 70 minutes. It was actually a pretty decent workout so I'm good with that. We left the gym and I went to the vehicle emissions testing place and had my emissions test done on my car. (yep, passed.....not that I was expecting anything else). After that we had the big 'where are we going to eat discussion'. We ended up at Golden Corral. (EVERY local place we stopped at was closed for some odd reason). I actually did really good. I had a salad with a small amount of dressing and just a sprinkle of cheese. That was my first plate. The second plate had ALL veggies..and the good thing about the GC is that they steam a lot of their veggies. The third and final plate had fruit and my sole collection of 'bad food'. I had one little spoon (one bite) of mac and cheese, one little bite of potato salad, and one hush puppy. Todd and I split the hush puppy and I didn't eat the potato salad...after looking at it it looked funky.

Before I go on....that was not three FULL plates of food. For example, my second plate of food had a scoop of green beans, two spears of steamed broccoli and a scoop of steamed carrots and maybe one or two 'clumps' (what's the word I want to use?) of steamed cauliflower. And that was the extent of plate two. Plate three had a small scoop of mandarin oranges, about 10 grapes and the aforementioned 'bad food'. The salad plate was...well mostly lettuce..and about 1/4-1/2 of a plate full. So three plates...but little food on each plate. :-)

As we were driving home, we were talking about dinner (yeah, isn't that so sad...just finish lunch and already discussing what we were going to eat for dinner). Todd asked for homemade pizza. I knew that was a bit high in points/calories so I planned on cleaning the house and then hitting the exercise bike to help compensate for some of the extra calories/points. Uhhhhhhh I never made it that far. I did however spend a good deal of time cleaning the house. AND ~~hanging head in shame!~~ I ate half of the pizza. 16 points worth of pizza (at least it was somewhat healthy....fat free cheese and whole wheat crust!!!). And if that wasn't enough....we watched a movie later in the evening and I made popcorn!!! (air-popped....but I did add some low cal spray butter).

Ack! too much food.

"Did you order something?"

"Did you order something?", originally uploaded by mfcstotler.

This box has been laying by my desk for the last few days. The cats have been sniffing around it from day one. But being as it's a small box, no on attempted to get in it....until today. Ahhhhh how can people live without animals...they are always good for a chuckle!

Well, apparently the family member is going under the knife this upcoming Friday to have the gastric bypass surgery. There is nothing that I can do. I was talking to my mom and while she thinks it is a crazy decision that this family member made, my mom was defending this persons choice. Why is she defending it? Because of a 'study' out there that shows that for diabetics they have found that within a few weeks post op that these newly gastric bypassed people are no longer diabetic. (first of all I said, who's doing this study...most likely the same doctors that are getting rich off of performing the surgeries) I started to argue the point that these patients are no longer diabetic because they are no longer eating the foods that cause their blood sugars to skyrocket and plummet! My mom was saying, "no, it's the surgery". I reminded her about the fact that ALL of the diabetics on the biggest loser turn it around and are no longer diabetic short way through the show! And they didn't have surgery. It's diet!!! My mom just doesn't want to hear it...because that pushes the fault of her type II diabetes even more fully onto her shoulders. Breaks my heart.

As expected, my weight popped up a bit this morning. Frustrating, but I know why (TOM) so I'm not worried about it. Eating...still plugging along and trying to be really conscious of points and calories!

Really considering dropping weight watchers. The only thing that is keeping me a member is the fact that if I can just get my weight down a bit more, I'll be back to lifetime status...and that is a good card to have in my pocket! Wimped out yesterday in reference to the outdoor bike ride. I ended up riding inside! :-) Hey, it was cold and windy!

Focus on weight loss. My focus is on weight loss! Yeah, I'm keeping up with other obligations and commitments, but my focus is on my weight and health!

I was emailing a friend this morning and encouraging her to take control of her eating and exercise. I reminded her to think about how good she feels when she is eating right. And all of a sudden I remembered the pride and confidence that I feel when I personally am making wise choices in my eating. Yes, some of the confidence that I experience is tied to the scales or how my clothes are feeling. But there is a huge portion that is directly related to my choices of food when it comes to eating. Being in control of something that rules my life, that rules my decisions is so powerful that words can not describe it. Eating a healthy meal, choosing a healthy meal at a restaurant, making wise decisions about food is the best confidence builder.

I've been actually doing really good. I have a friend that's been telling me that it is very possible that I've been under eating. I had a hard time believing this as I've never under eaten in my entire life! Heck, I've been stubborn about it! (sorry Sherry for doubting you) But this past week when i actually 'accidentally' ate more and started losing....yikes! Could she have been right? Sooo yesterday, I consciously watched every bite I ate. I was determined that I would eat roughly half of my activity points for the day. (I'm also doing a parallel calorie count on fitday.com......and I'm watching my calories burned versus my intake of calories). And I did. I ate over my normal allowance for points and/or calories

So the results.....this morning, even after eating more food than normal yesterday...I dropped again! I'm back in the one hundreds. 199.2 I'm trying to not get excited about being back in onderland. Simply because the ick is around the corner and that usually pops my weight back up a pound or two....so realistically I may backtrack...short term though!

My last thought of the day is a saying that I used to keep as my mantra. It was Think Thin. "think thin" really sums it up. I have to 'think thin' when I'm making my decisions. I have to think about how badly I want to be thin when making my food choices and when I'm deciding how long to exercise. I have to keep those thin goals first and foremost in my head and "Think Thin"

Fluke??

Well, my weight that I was utterly amazed at yesterday wasn't a fluke! Today I was down a bit further even. I'm skirting on the edge of getting back out of those darn pesky 200's! I am seriously going to have to get serious (haa ha aha....what a crazy sentence...seriously...serious) about logging my calories. I was exercising like a maddog and eating relatively within my points and I wasn't losing an ounce. I've eased up the last few days and voila, the weight drops. Oh yeah, and I eat more those few days. This makesno sense what-so-ever! The only conclusion I can come to....somehow the points allowance that I've been eating is not what I need to lose at this point. Maybe it is too low with the massive exercise. YIKES! Does that mean that I've been not eating enough? MaryFran undereat????? Woah! What a kicker though. I overate at lunch on Thursday....I could have gone to that banquet and had rolls and high fatty salad dressings and a whole dessert. But no, I went and ate reasonably, even after I had my little slip up at lunch. And look what happened....I honestly lost weight! What would have happened if I had given up for the day and eating like a starving pig for dinner also????

This morning I was looking for a shirt to wear to work. I grabbed a pink tee out of the drawer (to wear as a base layer here at work). I meant to grab one of my comfy roomy big teeshirts. (well, not one of the 2x ones, they are the swallow me whole tee shirts...but just a comfy roomy teeshirt). Well, my hand reached for pink and I pulled out a small tee shirt. One that fit me perfectly at my lowest weight. Now granted, that's only 15 pounds or so...so we are not talking umpteen pounds (although 15 pounds more to go seems like umpteen at times). I said, what the heck. All of my clothes still fit, some are just tighter than others. And I noticed that with this little weight gain that I've had, I've gone back to 'frumpier' clothes that I wear. My confidence levels had plumeted in direct proportion to my weight gain. I put on the sized just right shirt. I'm not overtly happy with the roll around my belly that is highly visible because the shirt may be a tad tighter than it was when I bought it. However, being honest...the roll is also a tad bigger also! But I'm wearing it. The roll would still be there and still visible with my roomy comfy clothes. This shirt fits just fine, it is not clinging to me in any way, it's just not billowing around my body in waves of loose fabric.

Lessons learned thus far today...oh heck, this week!
1. Don't underestimate your body....it can do crazy things when least expected.
2. Confidence.....wear it!
3. Perserverance is all mental...it has not much to do with ability.
4. Start over this instance. Do not wait until tomorrow, or the beginning of the week, or whenever. Start now....it's not tooo late!
5. With proper care, a saddle sore/follicle cyst can go bye bye within a few days!

I started thinking today about something. Todd has a 'touchy' digestive system. We have to go natural and organic as much as possible and when we don't go natural and organic we are constantly reading labels to see how 'unnatural' the ingredients are. One of the main no-nos is High Fructose Corn Syrup (HFCS). Kelloggs cereals are a huge offender. I think pretty much every one of their cereals have HFCS in it! So we've been looking at some of these bargain stores like Aldi's and Sav-A-Lot to compare prices and products. We are finding that these bargain stores and their cheap generic store brand cereals are made without HFCS. What???? I'm spending more money on Kelloggs cereals....and I'm getting HFCS which is bad bad bad! I can pay less money and get cereals without? What???? And they tout HCFS to be cheaper and help keep our costs down. Whatever! Soooo Todd is in his glory eating all these cereals that before were taboo!

Speaking of Todd's digestive system....on Thursday night I had the honor of sitting beside someone that I started talking to and we just clicked. It was like we had known each other for ages...and we had similar beliefs and thoughts on a whole lot of things. She has become a vegetarian in recent years. Basically she watched her daughter struggle with asthma. Asthma so bad that this daughter was using her inhaler at least once an hour. Her daughter went vegetarian and the asthma disappeared. (the daughter now goes deep sea diving....so that tells you how her asthma is). So this lady started going vegetarian herself...she said she couldn't ignore the proof. I was highly interested because Todd and I always talk about how it would be a short jump for us to go vegetarian. In fact, I've bought vegetarian recipe books and whatnot over the years, because I see us goign that route. Well, I came home...Todd's digestive system is getting all whacky again. We can't figure out what is sneaking in...I'm almost anal about reading the labels and such...so we don't know what is causing him to be sick. I'm thinking maybe I should try to incorporate more vegetarian stuff to see if that helps!

How???

I don't know how....but my weight yesterday morning was 203.6. Yesterday I didn't drink near enough water. And at lunch I had a little binge. Instead of my fruits and veggies at lunch....to give me extra points for dinner....which was at a banquet, I had grilled cheese and tomato soup and strawberries(yes, made with the lowest and healthiest ingredients and methods). THEN I had a 100 cal cookie (2 points), and that wasn't enough so I then went and had a dark chocolate candy bar (it was stuck in the freezer....I had gotten it for free months ago...and put it in the freezer because I knew I wouldn't be eating it...oh yeah, see what happened), and THEN I had a snack bar! WHEW! We went to the banquet and I ate what they served (I passed on the bread basket and I split the most scrumptious fudgy brownie with Todd). So I didn't eat all that well. Yet my weight went down to 200.4. WHAT?????? I'll take it!!!
Had a nice time at the banquet last night. I picked up a little more support for my bike ride! WOo hooo! Hopefully the people that promised will carry through. (I did bring home a check though from one person.....wooo hooo!)

Exercise yesterday.....non-existant. I did however help Todd cart the sound system/pa around town (up and down stairs and whatnot) during the afternoon and then after the banquet (he provided the sound system for the entertainment). So does that count?????? tee hee hee

Today, I'm going to do my best to get some exercise in...but it's another busy day...I probably won't be home until late. ARRGGGHHH

Ride news

Went out on the bike yesterday....I don't know why, but my legs are soooo freakin' sore today! there is no reasoning behind it. I've done worse rides (with wind...or hills) and no problem. It seems like this leg aching pain after a ride hits mysteriously with no warning or reasoning. (One time I had done a large road ride with hills and was fine...but a day or so later did a little 9 miler on the canal...flat...and that small easy ride wiped me out!) I've got to figure this stuff out. Maybe it's something that I'm eating! That doesn't seem likely..but hey, you never know.

Meanwhile, it's rainy today. With the weight gone from my body and thereby my knees, it's easy to forget that I suffer from arthritis. When I was larger, the knees always hurt from the immense pressure that my weight was putting on them...but that constant pain has eased up. Now it's just changes in the weather that put a little pain in the knees. As I said earlier.....it's raining. Thus the knees are hurting! ARRGGGHHH

So yep, my knees hurt......my legs ache from my ride! I'm just feeling 'peachy'.

Ohhhhh I almost didn't say anything. My ride yesterday 24.04. It wasn't until much later....after the ride, that my legs started to ache. Hey, I can deal with that! Ride like the wind, pay the price later! :-)

Deep thoughts and reflections

Thank you from the bottom of my heart Val! Your generosity has really touched my soul! I can't even express how much! Thank you!

I was reading blogs this morning and got to thinking about my weight and what caused me to start losing. I thought I would list them here...as a reminder to myself. You see, after losing a significant amount of weight, those ailments and reasons are pushed aside or have disappeared (some fully, some for the most part) and it's easy to forget why I'm doing this. So here goes.

1. My weight was going to kill me sooner or later. It would have been a miracle if I did not end up with diabetes, heart disease, high blood pressure and every other weight related illness known to man. I had already been diagnosed with high cholesterol and had had a few instances where my blood pressure was elevated...nothing regular thank the Lord!

2. I was sick constantly. It was not abnormal for my stomach to hurt and to spend half of the night clutching my stomach and rushing to the bathroom.

3. Knees. At the tender young age of 28 I was diagnosed with osteoarthritis in my knees. The doctor bluntly told me that the only thing that would really help was to remove as much weight as possible from my knees. I didn't really pay attention and do anything about it....and then I started feeling the pain in my hips. (apparently when the knees go, the hips sometimes follow)

4. To be able to dress how I want and not in whatever clothes I find that fit me without looking terrible.

5. It hurt to watch family member struggle with their weight and illnesses...and I knew I was following in their footsteps!

*************

A long time ago I realized that I lose more weight when I am completely focused on losing. Almost as if losing weight is my sole purpose in life and all else is secondary. I noticed that when that focus slipped, I started to not lose weight. ohhhh I may have maintained some weeks, but eventually I would gain.

In September I started a 365 project in which I take a picture a day for a year. I made it 6 months....it became my focus. I thought constantly about what I was going to take a picture of...I thought about what I could do to that picture in photoshop. I spent hours playing around with the camera...on the computer... I read books...etc etc etc. Not that that was a bad thing....but my focus was on my photography. Is it a coincidence that my weight started spiralling out of control in October? I even started doing a monthly scavenger hunt with my camera....taking my attention even further into photography. Once again, not a bad thing......unless that focus could be better spent on something else......me.

In the last week I've been thinking. While I don't want to really stop the 365 project...I know that I need to readjust my priorities and make losing weight my primary goal. That has to be my focus...even above my training for this ride. Losing weight is number one. Luckily, the training should enhance my weight loss. :-) But my main focus needs to go back to losing the weight!

Way to go to the contestants on The Biggest loser for persevering through and completing their own half marathon! It reminds me of something that my brother talked about when I called him for training advice. He told me that distance biking (the advice is the same for running) is more of a mental battle than anything else. You have to have your mind wrapped around the objective (finishing what you set out to do) and then go for it and don't look back! He talked about how he has gone on 100 rides with people that have had little or no training (in fact he has done it some years) and how they push through the pain and focus on their objective and they do it! The contestants talked about how Tara and Sione could do it because they run 6 miles at the ranch. 6 miles is NOT 13 miles. Yeah, they may be more conditioned and better prepared than someone that doesn't run at all (yeah, some of them looked really awkward running...but hey, not all are runners and even though they looked awkward, they finished. Like I was saying 6 miles is not a half marathon...they were not prepared and conditioned to run a half marathon. So how did they finish? What pushed them to continue through the pain. Ohhh yeah, it was that mental training. They had their mind wrapped into their mission. They were focused on the goal.

I had a really difficult time holding in my emotions when the contestants went home. I hope that at some point on the show they actually come back and say (or I can find out somehow) that Ron's son (not mike...the one at home) has started to lose and that he is getting healthy. Tore my heart out! Yeah to Kirsten's sisters for taking control and losing weight in conjunction to their mother and sister being on the shoe! While my heart aches for Aubry's father (who wouldn't be bothered by a 500 pound man). I wanted to shake Aubrey. She went on the attack I think with her father. Come on...he's 500 pounds! He can't see the light at the end of the tunnel. He doesn't know where to start to change! Don't preach at him....teach him!!!! Show him where he needs to start. Hounding someone is not going to make them change!

Ok, enough of my thoughts on The biggest loser!

Change of plans

You know, I had a whole long post planned about my woes in training. Namely a bit of sore (a follicle cyst actually) that rubs when I ride. (Mainly on the exercise bike). But things changed.

I was humbled by my blog. I started writing my blog as an outlet for my feelings as I have followed this path to good health. I thought that it would be a great way to keep a record of the ups and downs of my journey. Basically chronicling my weight loss. I didn't know it would take this long, and I didn't have any idea how many times I would slip. But I did. Somewhere along the way I picked up some readers. Cool...but my blog is still my outlet, my place to be open and honest with myself about what's happening. I let it all hang out on here (in regards to my weight loss efforts). Today I received something in the mail (thank you Valerie!) that really brought me up short and made me realize how much my words and thoughts are being read. My words, my struggles have the capacity to help others even as I still feel as if I'm failing miserably in this journey. I realize that true failure is giving up. But, in the strictest sense of the word, I have felt like a failure of late. I have gained weight and I'm struggling to get it back off. (Even today...supposedly my day two of being on track, I ate too much at lunch...not bad stuff...but just more than I needed). But admitting the issues is not failure. Failure can only occur if i throw in the towel and say I don't' care, I"m not going to try anymore.

And that long paragraph is there to say that I shouldn't feel like a failure....yes, I've gained a bit back...and I'm struggling....but I've not given up, which is the only sure fire failure!

OK...I will give a brief highlight of the happenings:

*Yes, yesterday I did really good with eating and drinking. Today I overindulged at lunch. I had cottage cheese, strawberries, applesauce, a peanut butter and jelly sandwich and not one...but two 1 point weight watcher cookies! With what is planned for dinner, I'll be a bit over my points. I was thinking in terms of failure before I got my mail at the post office...but I'm not going to do that anymore. Soooooo looking at it successfully...here goes. While I ate too much according to my new standards. I can guarantee that there 'twas a day that what I ate for lunch would have been considered an appetizer.....and a pretty lame one at that. My overindulgence (other than the 1 point cookies) was all healthy foods. Foods that are good for me. I didn't overindulge in foods that were unhealthy for me (well, except for the cookies...but even they were at least 1 pointers instead of the high pointed homemade ones).
*My weight dropped this morning. I did good yesterday and saw a drop on the scales. (maybe I'll take every ones advice and ignore the scales for the next few days). The positive. I can see how a day of healthy 'living' can make a difference.
*Training continueth. I rode last night. I didn't ride this morning. It was really overcast (Of course I come to work and the sun comes out and dries up the roads). The positive. Todd and i are planning on going out tomorrow for a long ride. I was nervous about doing a big hilly ride today and still having some energy in my legs for tomorrows ride. So the decision making was taken away from me.
*At the risk of giving TMI, I have a bit of a problem. The saddle on the upright exercise bike rubs me in a bad way....and has caused a bit of a sore. No, this is not a failure...it's a minor little problem that will be attended to. The positive.....well, I can say that this is my first ever sports injury! At 315 pounds my name and the phrase 'sports injury' were never uttered in the same breath!

Positive thinking!!!