Tuesday, March 17, 2009

Change of plans

You know, I had a whole long post planned about my woes in training. Namely a bit of sore (a follicle cyst actually) that rubs when I ride. (Mainly on the exercise bike). But things changed.

I was humbled by my blog. I started writing my blog as an outlet for my feelings as I have followed this path to good health. I thought that it would be a great way to keep a record of the ups and downs of my journey. Basically chronicling my weight loss. I didn't know it would take this long, and I didn't have any idea how many times I would slip. But I did. Somewhere along the way I picked up some readers. Cool...but my blog is still my outlet, my place to be open and honest with myself about what's happening. I let it all hang out on here (in regards to my weight loss efforts). Today I received something in the mail (thank you Valerie!) that really brought me up short and made me realize how much my words and thoughts are being read. My words, my struggles have the capacity to help others even as I still feel as if I'm failing miserably in this journey. I realize that true failure is giving up. But, in the strictest sense of the word, I have felt like a failure of late. I have gained weight and I'm struggling to get it back off. (Even today...supposedly my day two of being on track, I ate too much at lunch...not bad stuff...but just more than I needed). But admitting the issues is not failure. Failure can only occur if i throw in the towel and say I don't' care, I"m not going to try anymore.

And that long paragraph is there to say that I shouldn't feel like a failure....yes, I've gained a bit back...and I'm struggling....but I've not given up, which is the only sure fire failure!

OK...I will give a brief highlight of the happenings:

*Yes, yesterday I did really good with eating and drinking. Today I overindulged at lunch. I had cottage cheese, strawberries, applesauce, a peanut butter and jelly sandwich and not one...but two 1 point weight watcher cookies! With what is planned for dinner, I'll be a bit over my points. I was thinking in terms of failure before I got my mail at the post office...but I'm not going to do that anymore. Soooooo looking at it successfully...here goes. While I ate too much according to my new standards. I can guarantee that there 'twas a day that what I ate for lunch would have been considered an appetizer.....and a pretty lame one at that. My overindulgence (other than the 1 point cookies) was all healthy foods. Foods that are good for me. I didn't overindulge in foods that were unhealthy for me (well, except for the cookies...but even they were at least 1 pointers instead of the high pointed homemade ones).
*My weight dropped this morning. I did good yesterday and saw a drop on the scales. (maybe I'll take every ones advice and ignore the scales for the next few days). The positive. I can see how a day of healthy 'living' can make a difference.
*Training continueth. I rode last night. I didn't ride this morning. It was really overcast (Of course I come to work and the sun comes out and dries up the roads). The positive. Todd and i are planning on going out tomorrow for a long ride. I was nervous about doing a big hilly ride today and still having some energy in my legs for tomorrows ride. So the decision making was taken away from me.
*At the risk of giving TMI, I have a bit of a problem. The saddle on the upright exercise bike rubs me in a bad way....and has caused a bit of a sore. No, this is not a failure...it's a minor little problem that will be attended to. The positive.....well, I can say that this is my first ever sports injury! At 315 pounds my name and the phrase 'sports injury' were never uttered in the same breath!

Positive thinking!!!


VRaz60 said...

Great post. I, too, blog for the many of the same reasons. Haven't been doing it as long, or have as many readers, but it does help me stay focused. I'd say having a "sports injury" counts as being successful. After all, if ya ain't out there bikin' ya can't get injured. Keep it up, you're doning fine. Plus, I'm enjoying your blog.

Linda said...

Awww - I like this post.

No - you are not a failure.

You is human.

:^ )

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