Wednesday, October 31, 2018

Giving up: the future

Sometimes I wonder about what I’m really doing in regards to this website/blog.  What is my purpose?  What is my mission?   Why am I here.  Why do I even continue trying to lose weight.

Let me start with the basics.   I struggle.  I struggle big time.  Yet I continue to write.   I feel like I write  and do the same things over and over.  And over.  I make plans....I have excuses.   I have some success...I have failure.  It feels like a repeating cycle.

So why do I continue to write the same things each and every week?  

After a bit of a pause (had to drive to work),  I have come to the conclusion that I write for me.  I continue to write because I am constantly learning and evolving.  I continue to write to chronicle this difficult journey that I have been on for so many years.  I continue to write because it gives me some small sense of accountability.

Why do I continue to try to lose weight when I am so obviously in a vicious cycle of small success then failure..success then failure?

I continue to push forward because I want to be healthy.  I push forward because I want to live to be an old woman with Jason....and in a healthy manner.   I continue to try because I want to buy cool clothes.  I continue to plot and plan because I want to be fit and active.

It is hard.   So many people stop writing when things get into this vicious cycle.  But I’m going to continue on.   I have big reasons to lose weight.  If I keep writing I will keep learning and keep evolving.   If I keep on, eventually this will all click and I’ll be victorious once again.




15 comments:

Lynn said...

I'd be sad if you stopped writing. I read your blog for a lot of reasons. Not really weight loss, although I'm cheering you on from over here. I was so happy to read about you meeting Jason and the evolution of your relationship. I like hearing about your cats and all the hikes and bike rides that you do. A lot of blogs I used to follow have disappeared, and I always wonder what happened to those people. Sometimes I feel like quitting too, but then I look back over my posts over the years and remember things, and I realize I'm just writing for me also.

*My Stalker Is Fat* said...

I have asked myself the same thing. My blog is a few years old, long enough for me to have reached goal weight long ago. But if I keep writing, I feel accountable, and reading other blogs helps me too. Not writing means acting like it doesn't matter, and it cuts me off from support that I truly need.

Rachel Smith said...

Thank you for keeping going! I am guilty of not only stopping blogging, but going back and DELETING all my blog posts when things are out of control. I've done this 4 or 5 times over the years, and then I remember I am writing for myself more than anyone else. It breaks my heart when I think of all those hours of writing I deleted in the past.

mxtodis123 said...

The only failure would be giving up. Weight loss is not and easy journey. I've had so many ups and downs. Tomorrow is my weigh in day and again I am feeling so anxious. Had I listened to my mind this month I wouldn't have had the two pints of ice cream or the 4 French pastries...or the 6 oreo cookies. Now I have to be ready to pay the price. I would not be happy to see you stop writing. I enjoy visiting here because you help keep me in check as well.

Sarah said...

I'm so glad you keep writing. It doesn't really matter if we all read it or not, it helps YOU. This is your story and I'm honored to be along for the ride.

SANRDJ said...

I find my writing keeps me accountable, when I tend to slack on writing or tracking etc, I tend to get lazy in other areas of my life as well (food planning) etc. There is a pattern that when I stop writing I tend to gain. Your blog is your way to put thoughts to paper and sometimes we need to see things in black and white for them to be real! Keep it up, the struggle is real.... and you are not alone.

Angel said...

Sometimes it is nothing but a repeating and cycle and that is frustrating but writing for the accountability is better than eating your frustrating.

Sandbagged said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
MaryFran said...

Thank you for your kind words. It’s been a rough week in the land of health and fitness...and it is sometimes difficult to write about it. It’s embarrassing. But your right...I write for me and to chronicle this journey AND my life, even things not pertaining to health.

MaryFran said...

That is exactly why I wrote my this depressing post...accountability!

MaryFran said...

Thanks....it is eye opening to go back and read what I wrote in my previous slumps and victories! So as for you...no more deleting!!! Just lots of restart blog posts!!!

MaryFran said...

How did your week in go!!! I guess I better get to reading your blog posts...I must be behind!!!

MaryFran said...

Thanks! Glad though to have you reading cuz I get your support!!!

MaryFran said...

I have definitely seen that pattern in myself also!!!

MaryFran said...

Exactly! I figure if I’m at least writing I’m still trying...and there is a chance I can get things turned around!!