I Bit the Bullet

 I may have been MIA on here, but I have been busy and I have not been MIA in my thoughts and quest to get healthy and lose weight. 

 

Mini Vacation

I took a mini vacation to Indiana to see two friends.  It was a quick visit as I drove out, which kills the better part of two days. (It's an 8 hour drive).  But it was relaxing.  It was fun.  It was good to have chit chats with my friends.

We did a lot of just hanging out.   We did some shopping.  I went to a Miniature Dollhouse Museum.  We did a little hiking.  We took a boat ride in an underground cavern.  It was a good little way to unwind and just....be.  :-)

 The dollhouse museum was awesome.  I actually came out of there with a different perspective on dollhouses.   I have always been "None of my houses/rooms/scenes will have dolls". I have often thought that the doll detracts from the scene.  But then I saw this granddaddy of a house that they have.   The dolls MAKE the rooms.  It was crazy.  The dolls were telling little mini stories here and there.  Most of them were in some really neat action pose.  It was .....eye opening.  For example.  I sat (because yes, they have a bench in front of this dollhouse) and looked at the pool room for a bit as did my friend.  Later that evening we were sitting talking about the museum and she mentioned the pool room.  I laughed and said "Yeah, the guy doing he handstand in the water was so cool"   She looked at me weirdly and said, "no, I am talking about the pool with the guy jumping into the water".   We laughed and just assumed that there had been two pools and we were talking about different ones.  We moved on in our conversation.  BUT, the next day I had dumped my pictures on the computer and was really looking at them....and I just started to laugh.....

 OH yes, we HAD been looking at the same scene.  But there was so much activity and movement that we TOTALLY missed things.  In fact, it was like the second or third time I really looked at the picture that I noticed the little girl opening the door to reveal a naked woman!   And lets be honest.  I pulled the picture into this post and JUST happened to wonder what was there by the diving board. (It's a fallen planter......but my eyes were so busy looking that I didn't see it before!)

 So yeah, maybe I should rethink the doll thing!

Or we have the kitchen......

All I can say is....visually rich! 

Zumba

So while I did miss a few classes due to being on my mini vacation, I have to say that I came right back home and restarted classes the first available moment I could!  I have been consistently going...and enjoy it.   I like some of the instructors better than others.  Some are more 'twerky worky' as I call it.  IT's so much "shake 'dat booty....we wanna see it shake'   and hip circles and thrusts that I'm surprised I haven't thrown out my hip!   But it's still fun.  I have to modify a fair amount.  Jumping just isn't happening for me at this point.

The Crazy Dog

SO my dog is crazy!   We have an electric fence around the chickens (they are doing great by the way) and the dog must have gotten zapped by the fence.  So for days she refused to go outside.  The only time she would go out is if I had her on a short leash!   And then she would go to squat to pee and then get scared and stop.  This dog was holding her pee out of fear.  I had to literally walk behind her chanting "go pee...go pee.  Pee now...."  And then I would treat her with all kinds of rewards when she peed.  Seriously!  Only me! 

She is getting better.  Still leary of the fence.  But she is petrified of the chickens now.  I guess she thought that they did it to her! 

Eating

I am still counting my calories.  I am still watching what I eat.  However, one of my big focuses is on getting at least 5 servings of fruits and/or vegetables.  I am trying to get in the habit of eating foods that are going to do something GOOD for my body.  I hope that at some point segues to pounds on the scale.  Thus far....not so much.  (SLOWLY maybe.) 

The knees

Yeah, the knees have been pretty bad.  It's been misery at some points.  They ache.  They hurt.  The one actually has buckled a few times on me.  Ohhh and the one that has buckled...the whole leg sometimes just aches.....all the time.  I have pushed through.  I know I have arthritis and I KNOW that the only thing to make it better is to exercise.  So I keep going to zumba!  

Folllow up to the Zap Zap

I had the 6 month follow up to my Zap Zap Procedure to fix to holes/tears in my retina.  I am happy to say that the doctor was happy with the healing.  He said that there are no new holes!  YAY!  I asked him if there is anything we can do to prevent more holes......especially since he indicated that my retina is thinning in multiple places.  He said nothing...which bums me out.  I wish I could do something to help it! (Eating healthy....that's the only 'possible' aid')

Biting the Bullet

So, I bit the bullet.  I have been struggling because I KNOW My mobility is not where it should be.  I went to that 'mobility' class earlier this year.  It is the one that was set for mobility...I referred to that class as the 'hippy dippy' class.  (yeah I know...twerky worky and hippy dippy......but those names fit so well!). I went to the class for a few months.  But didn't notice any discernible difference.  Ohhh and I hated the class.  The time went by SOOO slow!  The class was 40..and the cool down was 20 minutes.  I did however LOVE LOVE LOVE the cool down!  :-)   But yeah, I digress....the class just wasn't doing it for me.  SO I signed up with Crunch Fitness that was set to open in the spring near my house.  And then I waited.

It opened...and I immediately started to go to zumba classes.  And boy have the knees hurt.  I enjoy it though!   But I know I needed more.  So what in the world did I do?   I signed up for a personal trainer at the gym.  I am committed for 3 months.  It's ungodly expensive...but if it gets me moving int he right direction it will be money well spent.   After the three months?  Well it depends on how I feel about the time with the trainer and the 'homework' he gives me.  Ok, and lets be honest.....with the results he gets.  

SO there you have it......my new phase of personal training..........and it starts......TOMORROW MORNING!  Yup. I've already had my initial consult and I start training and working out tomorrow!  GO me. (or maybe poor me!)

So here I am....still working toward my goals.  Still trying to live my life to the fullest.   :-) 

 

MIA

Holy Toledo!  Has it really been over a month since I wrote something!  How in the world?  Where does time go?

Knee-zies

 Zumba is going well!    Well as well as it can go for an out of shape, overweight girl with arthritis in her knees.   Yeah, I’m loving it!

Exercise

My knees….my knees have taken a hit from this!   Yeah they have ached!   I’m not listening to the ache though.  I know why they ache.  I know what to do to make them better…..exercise.  So I’m pushing through!   Last weekend my knee hurt so bad that I pulled out the knee brace to wear while I was watching tv.  Yeah, to watch tv….not even just to walk….to watch tv too!  But I went to Zumba on Monday night and did it (with modifications of course).  

And something surprising happened!

Yesterday morning (Tuesday) I was walking and noticed my knees felt kinda ok!  Interesting!   Maybe I turned the corner and my knees have finally gotten the memo that they can scream all they want but I’m not listening!

I’m not calling it a win yet.   Let’s see how I feel after tonight’s class.  Let’s see how I feel after working outside this weekend.  But hey, I have hope at least!

Eating 

Eating hasn’t been the best.  It’s not horrible though!  So there is that!!!  :-)

I have only been sporadically tracking my food, but I am on a three day streak of tracking.  Go me!   Yeah, three days is pitiful….but it’s a start!

I’m trying to ramp up my protein.  If only I liked protein rich foods.  But no, I like me the breads and pasta. 

Garden and chickens

The chickens have successfully been evicted from my house. They have been living in their coop and run for the last few weeks.   They are doing great!  The garden is completely planted.  It’s growing great!   I have been making a concerted effort to be more active in the yard…getting movement and activity anywhere I can.     (Although I just came home from work, ate an early dinner and fell asleep for a few minutes.  I woke up when Jason got home from work.  Now I just wait u til it’s time to head to my Zumba class.  

I found my home

 Life is busy !!!!

How can the days go so fast but the to do list never seems to get smaller?   

Chickens and bees

The chickens have finally been evicted from my family room.  Yes, the chickens resided in my house for about 6 weeks.   They would have gone outside earlier but it was cold….and then rainy.  And well, Jason just didn’t want to put them out in those conditions.   I was done with chickens in my house. Seriously, is not a Newfoundland, a cat, some crabs and a parrot enough in my house?  Then to add 4 chickens…for 6 weeks!   Eiiyiiyii!  But the weather finally was deemed acceptable by Jason and out they went!   Yay!   But seriously, I can’t complain about it….his heart and compassion for animals was part of what made me fall in love in the first place!

So the chickens are out in their run and sleeping in their coop!   Last night they finally figured it out and put themselves to bed in the coop.  Jason has been having to physically put them in the coop at night.  They would stand at the gate crying for him to come get them to I guess take them inside to the brooder box.  (He did that for a week or so…would let them out in the day when it was warm but put them back in the brooder at night!)

They are cute…and fun to watch.  (It will be some mo the before we get any eggs!) the bee hive is set up…but no bees.   That will probably be next spring!

Garden

The weather was crazy through April and May.  The garden work kept getting pushed aside.  Finally I realized that if we were going to have a garden at all that I had to get working!  So I spent one weekend outside preparing the beds.  And then this last weekend I dodged raindrops to plant the main garden.  I also spent a lot of time putting together a raised bed….filling it with soil and compost (the compost piles are on the other side of the property…) and then planting that.  I was so tired!  But the garden is planted!

Weight Loss

Non existent!  Seriously non existent!  It is depressing and disheartening….but I know I haven’t put my all into it.   I have been eating about 1700 calories per day.  Which sounds great …but I don’t lose at that rate.  Sadly.  So lose is what I am NOT doing!

I am working to turn it around. Lowering/watching my calories more.  That sort of thing.   I am also making a concerted effort to move more around the house.   More projects and such to keep me active.   

Home

A few months ago I decided to join Crunch …the gym/franchise/location  that was being built near my house. I signed up and waited…and waited…and waited.  I was hoping that they would have some classes that would work with my schedule.  Zumba was my hope!  They finally opened last weekend and that means I FINALLY got to see the class schedule!   There are a few Zumba classes that I can consistently make work with my work schedule…and some sacrifices at home.  I was excited but nervous as I was going by myself…and would know no one once I got there.   But I did it.  I registered for my class and went last night.

The music was loud.  The room was full (the Zumba classes have been consistently booked full on the schedule….walk ins are not happening at this time).   It was hot.  It was so fun!   About 15-20 minutes in I was overcome with an emotion.  That emotion?  I felt as if I had come home.   

I always knew that I had enjoyed my Zumba classes years ago when I went.  But I thought it was mostly for the social hour.  It wasn’t until last night that I knew.  Yeah the social hour was good fun….but Zumba is my home. 

My work schedule allows me to attend a class on Friday! Fridays will be a sporadic able to visit day….and this Friday is a ‘I can go to class’ Friday!  I can’t wait!  

My body….handled it pretty well….my legs may be a bit tired.

Life is busy.  But it’s going well.  This is my time to lose this weight and get back into shape!   Even better, I’m excited about the getting in shape!   Bring it on Zumba!

A month?

 How has it been a month since I last wrote anything.  I swear it was more recent!   I will also say this.....I have thought about writing on more than one occasion. Honestly, I just don't have much to say regarding the elusive weight loss.   Oh well, and life has been crazy busy!

Crazy Busy

Life has been nuts.  Just about a month ago we decided to pull the trigger on something that we have talked about for a few years.  In all honesty, it has been something that was in my mind for quite a few years, even in my first marriage.   Two things actually. 

 Number one, I bought a bee hive.   I don't have bees yet but I have put together my hive.   Why?   I know I WANT bees.  I predict that I will have bees sometime in the near future.   No problem and I was holding tight on getting my hive until I was ready.  But the field behind us is being built up as a subdivision.  This means we will have neighbors right behind us.   I want my bee hives in place BEFORE people buy their properties.  I want them to see my hives and know that bees are welcome here.  So if they are allergic that they can make an educated decision about buying a house near a bee hive!  I figure that may cause less tension then pulling out the hives AFTER neighbors move in.

The second thing that I've always pondered.  Chickens.  So about 4 weeks ago, Jason and I got four chicks.   They have been living in my family room for the last 4 (ish) weeks.   Soon they will transition to their coop and run outside and I will be able to reclaim my family room.  Chicken coop did you say?   Well yes, I did say chicken coop.   We didn't have a chicken coop before all this began.  So I bought one online that was supposedly for 6-8 chickens.  I put it together and holy cow, I don't know what size chickens they were talking about, but there is no way that I would put 6-8 chickens in that tiny coop.  I wouldn't even put our 4 in there.  Inhumane!     So back to the drawing board, another purchase and a full day of construction later and we have a nice coop and run in the backyard.  We have a few last minute things to do for the coop...and I do want to paint it (to protect and to match our shed) but we at least have a permanent home for our four chickens.   I have referred to the chickens as "Esmerelda, Mildred, Gertrude and Millicent".  

And of course we have been mowing and doing yard work.  PLUS, I am FINALLY getting my storm doors on the front and back doors!  YAY!!!  

Work has been busy.  We had one or two times where people (multiple on the same day) have called out sick.  When three people call out sick on one day in an office where there are only 6 people total, it really wreaks havoc!  Plus, I have just been busy.  I went to a training about a month and a half ago and I have been putting that knowledge into practice and learning....which is somewhat exhausting.  But I'm getting it! 

 Elusive Weight Loss

It isn't for lack of trying!  But yes, my weight loss has been elusive and quite honestly missing.  I started with Weight Watchers strong and gung ho.  I lost the first two weeks and was doing great.  Week three I did the exact same thing and gained.....week four and week five I stayed the course and trusted the program and I hovered with minimal gains and losses....all within the same 2 pound range.   I have been stuck there since then.  Seriously stuck.  WHen I get stuck like that, I tend to give up.  "Why bother"   

So admittedly, in the last week or two I have NOT tracked my food.  I am still conscious of what I am eating, but I have not tracked.  (Which for me is dangerous!) 

I had joined a gym that is opening up close to my house.  I just got word yesterday that they are FINALLY opening their doors later this month.  SO I am hoping and praying that there are some good classes that I can get to at least 2-3 times a week.  And well, I guess I will be adjusting my menu again to account for some evenings that I am out later each night.  

I'm not out for the count...but seriously demoralized about this weight loss thing. 

 

Staying the Course

 I have been meaning to write all week long.  Seriously, I kept telling myself that I was going to write and talk about my week 4 weigh in.  I kept saying that it was going to happen 'today'.  Yet each day I would find myself laying in bed at night with no update having been made.  So here I find myself ready to report on my week 5 of my current journey with Weight Watchers.

Weight Watchers Weigh in Week 4

My weigh in for week four was not what I wanted to report. I showed a half pound gain.  Well technically it was a shade over a half pound.  I gained 0.6 pounds.  Gained!  REALLY?   How was that so?  I looked at what I had done.  I saw one or two things that I could tweak but for the most part I was on target.  I vowed that I would NOT give up!  I was going to trust the process and keep going.  So onward into Week 5 I marched.   

Weight Watchers Weigh in Week 5

I was honestly worried about week 5.  It started with Easter Sunday.  We went to my in-laws for the day.  I tried to eat wisely, but admittedly, I ate more than I should have/wanted to.  That started my week off rough.  Throughout the week  I had a few nibbles on homemade peanut butter eggs that my mother in law gave to us.  Not perfect, but I felt like I was still in line.  Other than that first day of my weight watchers week I was in line with my points (and the corresponding calories, which I can also see on the WW app).  I was hopeful, but worried after the gain the week before.  

Sadly, I showed a 0.3 pound gain for week 5!    ARRRGGGHHHH    I'm nearing 1 pound gained as a total over the last two weeks!  This is NOT cool!   

Not Giving UP

I am NOT giving up.   I am determined to keep everything in line and keep tweaking until I figure out what works for me.   Weight watchers is recommending over 120g of protein for me.  I have long struggled with even getting 60-70g of protein (which is what myfitnesspal usually recommends).  So my focus this week is protein, protein, protein.  

 I can do this!!!! 

Weight Watchers Week Three

 I have successfully navigated three weeks of weight watchers and I'm still standing.  I'm also still in the game.   I haven't given up in defeat.  I'm still in the game. This week was hard though.  It was really difficult!

Weight Watcher Plans

When I joined this time I noticed that they had some options. Namely three options.   The first option was "Maintain".   I love that option.....but I"m not there yet.  So that was an easy option to rule out. The second option was the option called "Lose" .  This is the standard option that I am more familiar with.  It is the option that gives you your daily points but then also your weekly points that you can use for extra flexibility (And I quote them on the phrase extra flexibility).  You can also earn points by exercise. That was most similar to the plan that I used years back when I lost the weight.  The third option was the "All IN" option. This option is apparently a new choice and it  still has you counting your points, but there is no extra flexibility.  You do not get the weekly points and you do not earn points by so called good behavior (exercise...hahaha).  

For some unknown reason, I chose All-In.  (Maybe they recommended it, I can't remember.)   The first two weeks I followed that plan.  It focuses a lot on your protein and your fiber.  I struggled to even get close to the protein that they recommended, but I tried AND I worked to keep my points in line.  Admittedly, one or two days I was one point over, but I didn't stress about it.  I moved on and made the next day better.    At the beginning of last week I decided that it was a good week to adjust a bit and try out the 'Lose' option.  Because, why yes, you can switch plans at will.

Immediately after switching  I could see my weekly points balance.  It was NICE seeing that weekly points allowance.  I was no longer bumping against my daily limit, I had points left in my weeklies!  I was good as gold.  I never used a ton of the weeklies, but I was diving into them daily to take a handful. I was playing the game by the rules.  But the scales were not being kind to me.  I was showing that I was UP on the scales.  UP.  What in the world?  I was panicked.   I started to look more closely at my food.  The WW app allows you to see the calories, so I had added that for reference.  I quickly realized that the change and the struggle began almost the moment that I switched to the "lose plan".   I switched back, crossed my fingers and followed the 'all in' plan for the rest of the week.  And now I am trusting the All- In plan.

Why was the 'Lose' not working for me?  I think having all those 'weekly' free points really messed with my mind.  I was eating my daily points and seeing those weekly points gave me the 'freedom' to indulge just a bit more...and extra helping of food, a bite of this, a bite of that.    On top of that I was exercising and earning points so my daily points got higher (I could see the increase in my calories eaten).   As I was figuring this all out, I remember my first go-round with weight watchers.  Way back then, I couldn't eat my earned points OR my weeklies on any consistent basis.  I remember being in a meeting and talking about it and most of the other people were there talking about how they ate every stinkin' point that they had.  One girl actually told me 'I am sad for you because you can't."  But even then I never lost when I ate them. 

So all in is the perfect option for me.  (In fairness, I don't weight much of my food so I probably eat the weeklies with miscalculations in my portion sizes.) 

Temptations

This week was full of temptations.  We had not one but two clients bring us sweet treats.   Let me tell you, those cookies and sweet treats looked INCREDIBLE. One of my coworkers was having a bad day so a our other coworker came back from her lunch with a whoopie pie for each of us.  One of our clients owns a coffee and sweets shop and had just developed their online ordering app and they were ready to dive into having delivery and asked us to test it out.  You name it, it was pushed in front of me!   I won.   I didn't eat any of them!  I was tempted a few times to simply take one bite but I didn't do it!

Toward the end of my week I went to lunch at a fast food joint with my brother during my lunch break.  I had already switched back to the all-in plan.  I was determined to make it work, enjoy my lunch and time with my brother AND not ruin the progress.  I did it.  I made wiser options when I ordered and I adjusted my dinner to allow for my lunch.  I did it!

 Exercise

There isn't much to say about exercise.  I did it.  4 times in the last week!  Period. Done.  

 Weigh In

Halfway through the week I was stepping on the scale and I was showing a gain.   I was so upset!  But I changed my thinking and changed that plan and then sat back to trust the plan.   I was nervous the whole time because I soooo didn't want to show a gain for my official weight.   I had decided to change my weigh in day to Saturday (from Friday) which was totally unrelated to my gain....but nicely gave me an extra day to lose that weight.  That extra day helped, I am sure!

Somehow, I managed to grab a 2 pound loss!  Somehow.  Someway.  I have no clue how.   However, I am NOT looking a gift horse in the mouth and I am taking that 2 pounds and running with it!  That makes 9 pounds in three weeks.  I'll take it!  My little secret goal for the first few months is 10 pounds a month.  So I am totally on target for that for this month!  Go me!

Return to What Worked 

With my thoughts returning to the  first time I did WW and how I couldn't eat my earned points or weekly points.  I thought about one of the things that I did that worked for me   Each week, on the day that I weighed in, my last day of my WW week, I would have a splurge meal. I weighed in after work at an in person meeting and afterward, I had whatever my heart desired.    I had a dessert.  I had the high carb, loaded with butter, comfort meal.  And I did it every week.  I would leave my WW meeting and I would head right to the pizza joint to take home a large pizza....and I didn't eat just one piece.  I ate my HALF of the pizza.  Sometimes I would eat a banana split, or a big slab of cake.  It was my splurge.  The next morning I would wake up and my new WW week would start fresh and I would be right back on plan.  It worked for me.   I still tracked it, but I didn't worry about it.  

So I have decided to go back to this.  Saturday mornings I weigh.  Saturday evenings are my splurge meal.  Sunday mornings starts my new week, fresh and new.  I am still tracking it...but I'm not stressing about it.  And yes, my splurge this week was again a Mini Blizzard to go with my pizza.  :-)

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

A Mini Victory

 After my stellar weigh in I was ready to face week three of my weight watcher journey.  Or should I say weight watcher journey part two....or three or whatever number I am on.   How about I just call it Weight Watchers Redux?    I had some challenges to get through first though.  Through one of the challenges that I faced I made a huge discovery.....or should I say a 'mini' discovery'

 

The Breakfast Reward

In my last post I talked about a bad habit that I had picked up in the previous months whereby I would stop for a fast food breakfast before going to work when I had to work on a Saturday morning.  Yeah, I know it's bad.  Heck, I even knew it at the time, but that didn't stop me.  In my warped brain I thought I deserved it!   So when my first work Saturday after rejoining WW came up, I knew that I had to stop that habit.   I made sure I ate at home.  I told myself I was being ridiculous when I tried to talk myself in 'just a diet soda' to propel me through these few hours of Saturday morning work.  And I held firm!  No breakfast reward for me.  I set myself up for success through.  I announced it on here.  I also talked to my coworker on Friday night about it and said that I was determined to not do the 'much desired' breakfast.  This coworker that was working with me on Saturday morning knows that I rejoined WW.  So while she may be a bit of enabler (she freely admits it) she also was good accountability in the fact that I didn't want to walk in with my big drink and thus openly declare that I failed.  So I arrived to work with my belly full of fruit and cereal from home and my water to drink.  Victory!

Exercise Begins on Week three of WW

I started WW two weeks ago, I am in week three.  I knew from the get go that I would be restarting an exercise routine shortly thereafter.  And I could have started both at the same time, but I chose to focus on getting into the routine of WW first and then add in the exercise.  Seriously, this was always the plan.  SO much a plan that the same weekend that I signed up for WW, I also joined a gym that is opening near me. (Hopefully within the next few weeks!) 

Well, week three was my set start date for exercise and let me say, I am smashing it!   I know I know, I am only a few days into week three, but I have been active.

We went for a hike on Sunday.

I have managed to exercise at 5 every work morning thus far this week.  I know that is only two mornings thus far....but still it's a start! (And it is only Tuesday as I write this!)

Mini Challenge

Another habit that Jason and I have fallen into is picking up Dairy Queen Blizzards on Saturday night.  Nothing wrong with that, right?   Well.....maybe, have you seen the calories/points on those things!  Ohhh and I didn't get a small.  I didn't even get a medium.  I got the large and probably would have gotten an extra large had then offered that size!     I avoided the blizzard challenge the first weeks of my WW Redux easily, simply because Jason forgot and I didn't remind him.  But the subject came up this last weekend and I had to come up with a plan.

What options did I have?  I could let him get one and then sit and watch him eat it. But I have long ago decided that this journey was not going to be one of total deprivation.  Total deprivation just results in unhappiness and eventual failure, so that wasn't a valid option.    I could get one myself and just damn the consequences.  But I really want to lose this weight so damning the consequences didn't seem right.     Or I could try to come up with an alternative.  I honestly thought about blending a frozen banana to make my own ice cream, but wasn't overly happy with that option.  I have long said. I knew that there was an answer out there somewhere, so I turned to the DQ website and the WW tracker to come up with a workable plan. 

Well first of all, all blizzards are NOT created equal in terms of calories/points.  The Choco Brownie Extreme Blizzard that I had been getting  is  is higher in calories. (Of course)    I quickly figured out that the Strawberry dipped Blizzard was lower!  Yay, I like Strawberries!  The next thing I noticed was the sizes.  The large was still way out of my budget, as was the medium and even the small.  But did you know that they have a mini?   Yes, a mini!  I was leery, not sure what size this was going to be.   Was I going to get two teaspoons of ice cream and that was it?  I wasn't sure what I was going to get, but that was what worked with my food budget.  So a mini is what I got!

I should have taken a picture of the mini beside Jason's large, just to really show the difference.  It was small, I won't lie.  But it was bigger than I had feared it was going to be!  And the best part? It fit into my WW plan (Yes, I used weeklies...but that was the last day of my week and I had them to spare!)  Ohh , and it was delicious!

The Mini Lesson

I was eating my mini DQ Blizzard and made a rather startling discovery.  OK, maybe it shouldn't be very startling, because I have had similar revelations in the past (such as here) .   I admittedly was a bit worried about this small (or rather mini) sized treat. I was afraid that I wouldn't be satisfied, that I would feel deprived.  That this would leave me feeling like I was deprived.   

Instead, the opposite happened.  I ate that mini sized blizzard.  It was absolutely delicious.  I felt satisfied.  I felt good.  I felt like I had enough and wasn't still craving or desiring more.  

What???   A mini satisfied my desires just as well as a large?  I was left pondering!

But then I remembered.  My satisfaction comes from those first few bites of bliss.  I only continue to eat because I am remembering those first few bites of bliss.  I am chasing that bliss.   The mini was absolutely perfect because it allowed me to have that 'high' (The angels sing) but then stopped me from chasing the high.    

It takes willpower, but the mini is a perfect option!

 

It has been a week of relearning, moving forward and staying on track!   

 

 

 

 

I feel the need.......The need for Speed

I plowed right through week two of my re-entrance into the land of WW.  I have now completed two weeks of this plan and thus far I am going strong.   It hasn't been easy, but I'm doing it.

Weigh In with WW

So let me dive right into my weigh in for week two.  Week one I managed to lose 3.7.   I was worried about this week because I had volunteered to bring dinner and dessert to a girls night.  Dessert, really?   I was worried about it.  But I calculated it and planned for it.  I admittedly did lick the spoon when I was done mixing, but I held pretty firm.   The dinner I prepared was veggie pizza and I made a peanut butter pie for dessert. The dinner was cancelled at the last minute......so I took the goodies to work and let my co-workers enjoy.  The thing was,   I had already calculated and budgeted my day to allow for a piece of that peanut butter pie.  I wanted a piece of that pie.  So I had a piece and  I thoroughly enjoyed it!   I ignored it thereafter, even as I watched my coworkers eat it and rave about it!

Otherwise, the week was pretty standard.  I haven't been perfect with my eating, but I have been pretty darn close for sure!  I haven't commenced with the exercise yet.  I know that it's an excuse, but this week was just crazy!  First of all I had a sore butt.....OK it was the muscle that went form my butt cheek down the back of my leg.  How in the wold did I hurt my butt?  Well we went bowling.  I've got nothing else.....bowling!    Secondly, we had a gal quit at work.  That put us short staffed so I am back to shuffling between my job and covering for her....I came home tired each night!  But getting exercies restarted is definitely on my agenda and plans!

 So how did I do with my weigh in this week? This second week of WW, I lost 3.3 pounds.   HIP HIP HURRAY!   Two weeks of nice, solid and respectable losses!  I know that the losses will slow as I lose weight, but for now I am going to enjoy these 3 pound weeks!

Plans and Concerns for Week three of WW

My first challenge for week three will come this morning.  I am typing this early on Saturday morning.  I am scheduled to work this morning which is no biggie.  EXCEPT for the fact that I picked up a bad habit over the last few months.  On the Saturdays that I have worked, I 'treat myself' to breakfast out.  And by a breakfast out, I mean going through the drive through.   Decidedly unhealthy and high calorie/point options.   I am praying for strong willpower to resist the temptation!   It's a habit breaking day.  I can do this!  (Why oh why does it taste so good!)

The second challenge is the weekend meals.  Typically we do eat out more on the weekends and that includes getting a sweet treat.   Of late we had been picking up a Blizzard from Dairy Queen.  Not exactly a low points option.   Last weekend we had just gotten home and Jason said "Oh, we forgot to pick up our Blizzards"   I quickly replied, I didn't forget about it, I just chose to not remind you because I'm not getting one."     And that was the end of the conversation.   So I made it through last weekend. Who knows what this weekend will bring. I am not planning on being totally adverse to getting a sweet treat here and there.......but it will be a challenge because I don't want to wreck my points/calories either!

 I feel the Need....the Need for Speed

  I have lost 7 pounds in two weeks.  I should be incredibly happy! Yet I am not.   Ok, that came out wrong.  I am tickled with the 7 pounds.  However, I have to admit that I am dissatisfied with the fact that it is ONLY seven pounds.  ONLY.  I want this weight to be gone NOW.    I want to be thin and have this losing stuff behind me so I can be back in maintenance.   I want to lose it faster.  Why can't I lose 6 pounds a week?   Why can't I do this......  I want this process to be speedy.   Because yes, I feel the need for speed.

 

I know this need for speed is irrational.  That is not how weight loss happens.  Weight loss is a slow non- linear process.  But that doesn't stop me from wanting it!  It doesn't stop me from wishing for more.   

Luckily, I picked up on something the other week when I first wrote that I was joining WW.   I was reflecting on how I had originally lost the weight with WW.  I decided to go back to old posts and link to those momentous times such as when I first joined WW and then secondly when I made lifetime.   That was the purpose of going back, simply to link to the post.  However, I noticed something while I was doing it.  I noticed the dates of those two momentous occasions. 

 

I had been trying to lose weight on my own.  I would lose a bit and then stall out.  So I decided to join Weight watchers and wrote about it on August 10,2006  I would actually go on to lose about 80 pounds to get to goal.  I wrote and posted religiously throughout my whole journey with WW.  Some of those posts are incredibly boring and honestly painful to read as they are so bland. But I literally wrote almost every day. I didn't figure out the exact number of posts, but I can tell you it was over 500 posts.   But that is not what got me as I reviewed these posts.   What got me is the date of the post where I talked about making lifetime.  I wrote that post on August 5, 2008.  

 

Did you catch those dates?   August  10, 2006  to August 5,2008.    It literally took me 5 days shy of 2 years!    TWO FREAKIN' YEARS!  When I look back at the journey it feels as if it was only a few months of work. Yet it was two years. Two years to lose 80 pounds.   That is an average of .769 pounds a week. One of my greatest life accomplishments was losing that 80 pounds, and I did it with less than a pound a week. 

 

So while I find myself disappointed with  "ONLY" 3.3 pounds, I need to remember that 3.3 is a VERY respectable number.  If I somehow managed to lose 3 pounds a week I would be at goal in 33 weeks....literally by Christmas. So 'only' should not be a word that I use and I should NEVER be disappointed by any loss. And if I only lose .7 pounds a week, I can still reach my goal. 

 

And for the record I know that there will be weeks where I don't lose and I know that the 3 pounds will get harder to to achieve as I continue to lose weight and drop pounds.....my figure of 3 pounds a week is strictly for statistical knowledge only.  

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Food Noise

 

I joined WW a week ago and I have tried to get to some of the virtual meetings.  I am trying out some of the different leaders to see which ones I like (and it’s easier to judge a leader if they are presenting the same information).  Therefore, I have attended a few workshops this week.  The  topic for that first week was food noise.  Good subject for sure.  I have tons of food noise.  I plan my day around food.  I haven’t even put down my fork after a meal that totally fills me up and I am already thinking about when and what I will eat next time.  Even sitting here typing this, I have already thought about breakfast, lunch AND dinner for today (I started typing this at 7AM).   So, this topic was very near and dear to my heart. 

After attending a few ‘Weekly Workshops’ throughout the week, I decided to attend a “Deep Dive’ session.  I actually really liked this coach’s style and energy (Coach Marianne B) and the interaction was great.  She talked about three factors that affect the food noise.  Environment, stress and appetite.  She talked about how when you are hungry the food noise is incredibly intense.  And right then and there I had an epiphany about my food noise and my weight issues. 

 

I have always wondered what happened.  How did I come to live the life of an obese woman.  I was always more of a petite person as I was younger, not overweight, just healthy.  By younger I mean 10, 11, 12 or so.  I actually remember referring to one girl at school as fat in my description of her at home.  I actually came across a picture of her in my storage recently and I had it labelled as ‘Fat Joy’.  How shameful is that?   I am actually utterly embarrassed to admit this, but it is the truth.     I was one of the normal sized or even smaller people among my friends. 

And then something happened.   I started to gain……quickly.   Within a year or so I was overweight and then shortly afterward, obese.  All when I was right around 12-14 years old.

I have long wondered and pondered what in the world happened.

-        We moved from Pennsylvania to Florida right about that time.  Was it a culture shock?

-        That was the age that I was hitting puberty.  Was it hormonal?

-        I went from a carefree kid playing outside to a teenager more apt to be in my room lounging.  Was it just a result of change of lifestyle?

It’s been a big question in my mind for quite a few years.  It wasn’t until this week that I had an epiphany.

It was during that deep dive session about food noise that I knew.  I knew exactly what had caused my spiral or at least contribute (because I think those other factors played a role for sure).  It was a true light bulb moment……before we moved to Florida (before I had weight problems) I had plenty of friends and the cafeteria at school  was not crowded, one could actually find a place to sit and I had a group of friends to sit with. I ate lunch every day.   But then we moved.  I didn’t have friends…and I never made a lot while we were in Florida.

Lunchtime was utterly horrible at my new school.  First, try walking into a large room teeming with people you don’t know.  Then you get your tray and have to navigate through this throng of people between tables that are placed too closely together to try to fit as many people in as possibly.  Why are they so close?  We had moved to one of the fastest growing counties in the COUNTRY and the schools were way overcrowded, that included the cafeteria, where I had to find a place to sit.  Amongst strangers….other kids that didn’t want a newbie sitting with them, they were saving those precious and few places for their friends.  It was the most uncomfortable situation. I remember getting my tray, looking for a welcoming place to sit. Not finding any availability I remember dumping my tray full of food and walking out.   It was so uncomfortable that as an 8^th grader I choose to forego lunch.  It was less stressful to sit in the quad outside. If there wasn’t a bench available, it was acceptable and not awkward to sit on the ground up against one of the buildings, lots of people did it.  Even if I was alone, I could do homework or something in order to not look so pitiful.    I didn’t eat lunch.  

Don’t feel too bad, I wasn’t utterly friendless, but I never really had a lot.  I was friendly with everyone, but I just never clicked with anyone.   I was just too different, too foreign, too something.  And that’s ok. 

That trend continued into high school the following year.  The cafeteria was insane.  It was not a welcoming place.  It was worse though because high school gave us the option to go through the line and buy a snack.  This was important because a snack I could take outside to the quad where it wasn’t crowded and where I could melt into obscurity.  (Usually with one or two other people that were also just trying to survive.)  The snack of choice…. Little Debby Snack cakes, my new friend.  I didn’t do that every day because the cafeteria was still way overcrowded to even just walk through and honestly, I had figured out that the lunch money was more aptly used on my own pursuits (books and music).  

It is no surprise that I got home from school each day and hit the kitchen absolutely ravenous!  I started to make larger snacks.  A full box of Kraft mac-n-cheese.  A box of taco shells with melted cheese was actually quite delicious and/or apeanut butter and jelly sandwich always hit the spot.  Whatever I could scrounge from the pantry was fair game.  An hour or two later, dinner would be served and guess who ate a full meal then too?   Why yes, me!

That is exactly where my issues started.  I learned unhealthy habits.  The food noise in my head was intense by the time I got home and the food noise never faded.  Once I let it in, it took up residence and stayed firm in my head and that voice has remained there for all of these years.

I have no desire to take medications, even though they say the medications will silence the food noise.  I don’t want to be on a medication for the rest of my life and I know that when I stop taking the meds the food noise comes back (just look at what people say when then end up stopping the meds…. they regain).  I am still 100% committed to the holistic approach of learning to manage these food noise and my desires.   I ‘just’ need to learn how to silence that food noise voice.  Just for a laugh, I do refer to these voices as my mini me….and my mini me screams at me not just about food.  My mini me tells me that exercise is bad.  My mini me tells me that I am not worth it.  When I was running regularly, my mini me would tell me that I wasn’t a runner and I looked like an idiot. This little mini me is so insistent that once when I was running the mini me was telling me that I was a fool for thinking that I was a runner, that I looked ridiculous and so many other things that I was started crying, but didn’t stop running weirdly enough.  Finally, I had enough and I just yelled out loud “SHUT UP”.  (I am trying to find a post, because surely, I wrote about that!)

But yeah…food noise. 

Wow….I honestly cried like a baby as I wrote this.  This started as a simple epiphany, but turned into a soul releasing cry as I recounted these experiences and relived those emotions of stress.

As a side note: I look back and pity my poor mom because I annihilated the pantry on a daily basis, which had to have affected her meal plans.  I may have and probably did ask first for some of those larger ticket items like taco shells, I assume.   She never said a word though.  I know that she had suffered with excess weight all her life and I know that she had said that her mom had made comments which hurt her self-confidence and she never wanted me to feel fat or inferior.   Her silence raised a gal that didn’t care about her weight …. but it also didn’t stop a growing problem.   (It wasn’t until I accidentally started to lose weight when I got roped into a weight loss challenge  that I began to see and care that I was overweight, until then, I just liked me for me).

So that is the deep thoughts for this week.

I like my official weigh in days to be Friday, so my first ‘week’ on weight watchers was actually only 5 days (from Sunday to Friday morning).   I am happy to say that I lost 3.7 pounds. 

Not to keep that up!!!!!   Lets see what we can do on week two.  I know that I will have a bit of a cheat meal once, but otherwise, I’m ready to knock week two out of the park.