Where oh where

Where o where is this year going????   It is flying by!!!!!

Today started another work week.  Still no answers about my job.   Still no bites in my resume.  Still waiting and pushing forward to whatever the future holds for me!

Eating wise I'm still tracking everything and I'm still drinking my water.   I've also been doing well with doing something active each day.  Baby steps.....

I was going to jump on the scales today but decided not to at the last minute.  I'm sure I had some valid reasoning....but then again it was 5AM so maybe not!!!

A new mower arrived at the house (like a gift from the mowing Gods!!). So after a two week hiatus, I will be push mowing this afternoon/evening.  Yup....that hour or so is definitely going to count as my activity!!!   

We had another awesome weekend.   We took it easy but also got some bike riding in. 

 

 So a win win situation. 

I got a 'tattoo'. 

 

Ok then...it's not a tattoo...it's from a sharpie!   He also wrote 'property of jason' on my leg.  I told him I would never wash my leg.   Hahaha.   Yeah that didn't happen!   A sweaty bike ride = the need for a shower and a good scrub!    So my 'tattoo' (s) is fading.  Hahahaha

But hey...a good weekend is always a plus!!!!

The elephant in the room

Which elephant do I speak of?????

On Monday I got my road bike out of storage....

 

Yup.  I was excited.   I looked at it.  I didn't ride it.  I pumped up the tires which were flatter than a pancake!!!

Tuesday I looked at it...but didn't ride it.  The tires looked good...held air just fine!

Wednesday ....... I looked at it.   Tire pressure a-ok, but maybe I should wait an extra day to make sure that the tire's were not dry rotted and were capable of holding air for a few days straight!

Thursday.....I wonder where my bike shoes are....hmm ok right where I thought they were.   Let me check that air pressure!!!!

Friday.   Air pressure looks good and I'm off work maybe I should go ride!   Oh wait...I am out of cracked corn for the ducks.  Better go get some more!!!

Yes that is how my week went!!!    I was so excited to get my road bike but then fear took hold of me.

I have been riding my trek a lot with Jason so I knew that at least my legs were somewhat conditioned to riding.   But I know from experience that my road bike was a whole other beast.   

I knew that my arms would be sore.   I knew that my abs would be sore.   I knew I would be uncomfortable.   And quite frankly, the clipped pedals scare the living daylights out of me!  

The sore arms and the sore abs are just going to happen...so today I overrode that excuse!!

The clipped pedals?   Well they only scare me because I'm not used to them...and you DO have to remember that you are attached to your bike or it could be ugly.    But I've been trying to not let my fears rule me!!!   And not riding my sweet road bike because I'm afraid of the pedals?   How silly is that?   

(As a side note...yes I could put flat pedals on the bike, but wouldn't that be giving in to my fear!??)

So after getting the cracked corn, I came home and geared up....and out I went.

My legs hurt (kinda weird since I have been riding...just my other bike).

My wrists hurt.  

My arms don't hurt...yet.

I didn't go far or long.   I forgot my cellphone...and thus didn't want to be too far from home.   Plus Jason and I plan on riding this weekend (I'll be on my trek) and I don't want to burn my legs and body out and then not be able to ride with him.    But I faced those first miles.   I heard my shoes click into the pedals and I rode....and I stopped at each and every intersection, unclipping and setting my foot onto the ground...because repetition will help me get used to clipping in and releasing!!!

Soooo...

 

Is she still the white elephant?   Yeah...kind of.  But the scariness faded a bit!!!!!

Defeated

It is Day 7 and my calendar looks good!  I've tracked and drank my water each and every day!!!!    I have been 'active' every day but one.   Yesterday was a simple walk around the park with Jason...but hey it was movement!   The day that I didn't do anything active or 'move' was on Monday.   I had grand plans to come home and mow the yards....push mow.  How active is that?   I made one or two passes in the first back yard and the mower died.  Dead...kerplunk....belly up! We knew the mower was on its deathbed so it wasn't too shocking!  But a new mower was not waiting in the wings....so no mowing for me.  I instead went inside and read the time away!!!

The good news????  

 

Yes I got my road bike from storage!!!! I have pumped up the tires...they seem to be holding air well.  And yes, that is where my bike is going to be stored...I don't use the couch...and should Jason come over for a visit, I will roll the bike over and lean it against a dresser.   And yes, that is my solution to not being given permission to have my bike in the garage at home. (Jason stores my trek with his bike.). Hey, I laid an old sheet over the couch to protect it!!!!

Regardless...I feel utterly defeated.   I know this is a no numbers month....but I am continuing my weigh ins.   And let me say that it wasn't good this morning!!!!   I looked at my calories to find out why I was up 3-4 pounds and my numbers haven't been that bad.

 

And if you net in the exercise....

 

See not bad at all!   My water has been pretty spot on also!!!!

So very defeated.   I'm not giving up.  I'm still going forward with my no numbers month....but I'm concerned!!  

The other defeated feeling and honestly probably the largest portion of the defeatedness is pertaining to my employment. I alluded to this a few months ago...but as time passes I'm going to simply lay it out....because I'm worried.   A month ago they made an announcement about some changes coming to our work place.   They however did not tell us what they will be doing with the employees that will be displaced because of these changes.  We have repeatedly asked our manager and we get the 'I have asked and they say they don't know yet'.   (Uhhh. This change is happening in mid July!!).   The closest office to us is where we assumed we would be shuffled to...but I have heard that they are saying that that office is over staffed so that most likely leaves that out as an option for any of us.  

I have been applying for positions at other locations in the last month.  A lot of applications.   I usually get nothing in response.   Oh wait, I've gotten two responses.....one was saying 'you don't have the qualifications we needed'. (A four year degree doesn't trump experience in regards to that office secretary position apparently.   But hey, I knew I didn't have the "preferred experience" and decided to submit anyway!    And the other response was a form letter that said 'due to the high volume of applications we will only be responding to the 'chosen few'.  (Yes I paraphrased the 'chosen few' line!)    Also understandable.    Did I mention that I got only two responses out of maybe 50 applications?  (Maybe some are in the mail.)  That fills one with a huge sense of defeat.  Course maybe straight up rejects would be worse.  Hahahaha (At least I'm laughing right?)"

Defeat....what fun!!!

But you know what??   

*** I am still applying for all sorts of positions....because the right job is out there.  Out there somewhere  is a job that I will love.  Out there somewhere  is a job that will pay me enough so that I can stop relying on the generosity of my family for my living accommodations.  Out there somewhere is the perfect job for me!!!!

***I am still tracking my food....because regardless of what the scales say, tracking my food is good because it allows me to see what I'm eating and make adjustments as I move toward a healthier life!

***I am still guzzling water...because it's good for me even if it didn't help the number on the scales!

***Regardless of the number on the scale, I am still running and moving....because I want to live and be healthy!!!!

And yes...I ran this morning.....

 

I even made money on the deal!!!!

 

Why yes I stopped running for a few seconds to pick up the quarter!!!  Two weeks ago I slowed down to pick up a penny!!!!  I got a raise today!!!

So I'm not giving up....I'm fighting the urge to give up.   There are great things in store for me, I just have to push through to get to them!!!!

Who needs numbers?

The no numbers thing is actually working for me.....I think.

Smiley stickers.   I have tracked everything thus far this month. .  Every bite!    I haven't thought about my calories and have only  given my numbers a glance at the end of the day...most days.   This morning I actually went back and glanced at my total calories for each day.   I have actually without trying stayed below 2k.  Works for me.    I have noticed that I tend to chose more carefully when I am cognizant of what I am eating and what I have already eaten for the day.  Four days down...four smiley stickers earned!

Colored squares.   I have run two days and biked the other two days!  That means four squares have been colored.   I had plans for today...but the rain may prohibit my movement plans.   Regardless....four days down....four smiley stickers earned!

Star stickers.  I have been happy with my water consumption each day.  I am tracking it on MyFitnessPal, so I do have a number for each day.   But I'm not worried about getting a certain number.  I'm worried about getting enough and being happy with what I drank!   And I've been very happy (for number people I've been over 52 ounces each day!).  So four days down....four star stickers!!!!

So far so good!    I will know more when I weigh in on Wednesday.   That is one number I DO want to continue with even though this is a no number month.   I don't want to fall off the rails and find out at the end of the month that I gained 20 pounds!   So I will be continuing with my weekly progress report weight checks!!!

We had a low key weekend.  Jason is settling into his job...getting his sleep in line for his new hours....allowing his muscles to adjust to the different work...and busy shoving all sorts of information in his head during the week.  So the weekends have been more low key lately.   This weekend we got out on our bikes.  Both on Saturday and Sunday!  It felt good to be out there!!!

 

The second day we rode on the canal, starting at Riley's lock.

 

No numbers Month

I have started my month of no numbers.    That means that I'm not determined to drink a certain number of ounces of water...I'm not aiming for a certain number of miles.....I'm not lookin for a certain pace while running.....I'm not determined to keep my calories within a certain range.  No numbers!!!

My goals are 

1. to drink plenty of water....by plenty I mean I don't want to make it to the evening and say 'wow I've only drank one bottle of water!'    "Plenty" is subjective and totally based on my personal feelings about how my day went!

2.  Track my food!   Who cares what the calories are...I just need to track it!!!  :-).  Yes, I know what I track I tend to eat less calories and less junk!!!!   Simply because tracking opens my eyes to what I'm eating!

3.  Move more!   Once again no numbers...just aim to move more!   

So to that extent.  If I managed to complete an item I would give myself a sticker.   I decided to use my 2017 in 2107 calander to keep my stickers.  So I went out and looked for some stickers.   I didn't want to spend a lot of money nor did I want to search forever, so I settled on what they had at the dollar tree that I stopped into.   The stickers were a bit larger than I wanted but I figured I would make them work!

So I have stars for water consumption.  I am using smiles for tracking.   And for exercise, I am coloring in the block!

Why yes...On the first day of the month I got two stickers and a colored square!

 

And yes I ran this morning so I already colored in my square for today....and just a FYI, I've tracked everything thus far (and my dinner since I'm having leftover pizza) and I'm happy with my water consumption so I COULD go ahead and put my stickers in place for today too!!!

And of course a hot sweaty mess running picture from yesterday!!

 

I've picked back up on the smoothie thing.   It is an easy lunch to grab and go...it's filling...and they taste pretty good. Oh and did I mention it's healthy and not high in calories??? I'm then rounding it out with some fruit and voila....a healthy meal!!!

 

This one was a berry smoothie (unsweetened almond milk. Strawberries, raspberries and a splash or two of orange juice and water and protein powder)

I also had a Reece's cup smoothie this week...almond milk, chocolate peanut butter powder (pb2) and protein powder!

I tried a time saving technique today and it worked.  Yesterday I took the time to purée my fruit (I used raspberries and strawberries because that's what I had in the freezer)....I puréed it with a splash of OJ and some water.   Then I put a cup of the purée into a freezer bag and put it back in the freezer.    This morning I threw that bag in my lunch box....put the milk and protein powder into my blender bottle and added that to my lunch box.   The purée was 

A slushy consistency by lunchtime.   I dumped that into the milk mixture in my blender bottle and shook it up.   Delicious!!    So a huge win!!!   Sunday night my plan is to purée a big batch and freeze it for my upcoming week!

So the weekend is almost here.   We got rained out last weekend and since the forecast was bad we didn't take our bikes.  But this week we are certainly planning on riding!!

Last weekend...oh it was rainy...we were exhausted so we slept!!  Pretty much we slept Saturday away!  But I guess we needed it!!!

We walked on the canal though!

 

We went to the Marine Corp Museum...which was surprisingly really neat!!

 

I became a marine...for a hot minute.

 

And the coolest thing....the original flag in this iconic picture ....

 

Is on display....

 

Yup...it was cool.  And some hot day when we don't want to be outside we may go back and stay longer!!!

And lucky me...my man is an awesome cook!!!  He cooked for me this past weekend!!!

 

And lucky me...the new weekend is almost here!!!!! 

A deficit of Success

Adjust your dial, changes are a coming!!!!!!

 As I alluded to in my last post, my May month goals didn't go over well.  I didn't make my 2017 mileage.  I didn't make my running mileage, I didn't lose weight, I didn't track!

So moving on!

I have thought about my monthly goals for sure.....and this month I am breaking it down....

1.  Water consumption-drink it....drink a lot of it
2.  Track my food- it doesn't matter what...just track it...every bite!
3.  Move...stop being a slug and blaming rain and sore bones ...move!!!!

If you notice I'm not setting any goals of "you will do this 5 times a week" or whatever.     I'm starting from a deficit of success and I just need to give myself some success.  If I set a number in my head of how often, I am simply setting myself up for failure.  My challenge is simply to do those things as much as I can.  Do it so that I feel I was successful.

To track my progress, I will be adding either stickers or colored areas to my mileage calendar. (I want stickers...but that means I have to get to the store in the morning before work...so I may default to colored pencils and my own color coded coloring!

This is the simple success plan!


Meanwhile...work is stressful and getting worse!!!!!

I am not giving up on the mileage challenge of 2017 miles in 2017....but I am going to ease up my focus on it for a bit.  I need to get everything in line...not just my mileage!!!!!

Stay tuned

So, May has been a colossal failure in terms of my May goals.  I don't have the stats yet.....a post later this week will fill in the numbers to show how bad, but suffice it to say that I don't think I will be able to say I nailed even one of my goals.  So stay tuned for the hideous results!

The complete and utter goalage failure has made me reevaluate some things.  

*****Number one. Am I focusing too much on my mileage and not enough on my healthy eating?  

*****Number two.  Are my goals to restrictive.  'I will lose enough weight to be in the next decade by the end of the month'.   I'm not saying that that is a bad goal.   But for ME...maybe it is? Maybe I need to make my goals more generalized. Something more like,  'I will lose weight this month'.   When I focus on the numbers it is so very easy to throw up my hands and say 'well, I can't make that goal anymore since I had a bad week'

******Number three. Maybe monthly goals are awesome....but maybe I need to break it down into weekly goals!    A week sounds so much more manageable!   And maybe I need to drop it lower into daily goals.    I once years ago had the idea (and I've seen it on various blogs since then) to have a calander and put stickers for each day in which I practiced healthy habits.  Each day was its on small encapsulated challenge.  

******Number four...:rewards.   I have none.   Maybe I need to come up with something tangible.  The stickers from number three would probably be a good start!

So I've got some serious thinking to do in terms of my June goals!  So stay tuned.....changes are a coming!!!!

Wednesday weigh in

I have done better with my eating so far this week.  I can't say I was perfect...I did eat another cookie...or two.   I also had a piece of cake.   But I also had more fruits and veggies than I have been having as of late!

My weight as ofo day was looking up by about two pounds....so I wasn't expecting greatness.

This morning I woke up and immediately felt thirsty....that's not usually a good sign for my weight!   In fact, based on that fact I almost skipped my weigh in!   But at the last second decided to roll with it anyway!

I was back to my boomerang weight...that weight that I seem to 'fall back to'.   That's fine with me today because that means that I managed a maintain this week.   I don't know how....but I'm not going to look a gift horse in the mouth!!!!!

But it makes me sit back and ponder.  What am I pondering?   If my weight went down just by adding the fruits and veggies but still indulging in cake and cookies, what in the world would happen if I eradicated those things???  

Ahhhh...that's when greatness occurs I guess!

Last but not least, random tidbits......

***I got a run in yesterday morning.   It was slow but steady!  

***I only have 4.24 more running miles left to reach my 20 miles for the month!

*** 70 miles in 8 days is what I need to break even for my yearly mileage goal (so I don't fall further behind).   Yeah....we are taking our bikes this weekend, and I have two...maybe three mornings left for running to help boost the miles.   But all in all I'm just hoping to squeak through with only a minimal deficit.

***Jason is settling into his new job. He seems to really like it. Once he is in the routine and used to these hours we will hopefully get back on our bikes and back to our walks in the evenings.

***Work is still stressful.  I'm just praying really hard!

***I splurged and bought a new dollhouse last weekend.  I need another dollhouse like I need a hole in my head!   I still have a LOT of work left to do on the dollhouse that Jason got me for my birthday in December.  I have one room almost done.  The bathroom.   For the record it needs a mirror which is in the works....some picture/decoration on the wall behind the toilet....and some bathroom items in the shelves (toilet paper, bottles, etc)

Next up...the kitchen...then the living/dining room, a bedroom, a nursery and an attic.....oh and a porch!!!

I still have some small things to work on in the mini mansion too.  Bedding and little human touches...(this picture is a week or so old...the furniture is now all white)

 

***Ive enjoyed my nephew visiting some of these evenings.....I think Ethel enjoys it too!

 

Wash rinse repeat

I drew the line in the sand last week.  Enough is enough!   I don't want to be overweight!   I don't want to have to shop in the 'fat women's clothing stores and sections'.  I don't want to be out of breath.  I don't want it feel like I'mstuffed into a sausage casing whenever I wear half of my clothes!!! Ok, to be blunt, I don't want to be fat anymore!

So I woke up on Friday ready to rock this health journey. I walked into work....and there it was.

 

The anniversary/birthday of my employers existence was on Friday and they had cookies for a celebration.   Yup...I ate a cookie or three.

(As a side note...isn't it crazy to have a customer appreciation in the midst of closing down the office...so literally we had a celebration while customers were receiving the bad news about their branch.)

I didn't too bad on Friday night......but I was determined that Saturday would be a success...as much as possible on a weekend. 

Saturday was going to be the new first day of my hard core healthiness!!!

I woke up and ate my cereal....and got to work and my coworker hit me with a bit of niceness.....

 

Yup...a Bavarian cream donut.  Heck yeah I ate it!!!

We did lunch at Arby's.

 

  Ok so maybe the sandwich wasn't all that bad...but the curly fries and cheese cup wasn't all that great!

And then dinner was a simple cheese pizza (only because they delivered it minus the garlic and pepperoni).   Nope...I just ate two pieces!

 

Well I guess Sunday could  be my day to begin complete utter and complete awesomeness!!! 

Woohoo...Arby's again....but this time I tried the loaded cheese fries.   I've been curious!!!

 

Yeah they were pretty good.... but probably way over budget in calories.

Dinner was a sub. (Turkey) and pasta salad....but I finally caved and got the ice cream I've been craving since Wednesday night!!!

 

Yup...three attempts...wash rinse repeat.   

Today...I can do this today!!!!  There are still cookies here and I'm fighting the urge to have one!. I just have to stay away from those darn cookies...they are killing me...I want them so bad!!!

Today is my day to shine!!!!

Motivation alert.....

This weekend Jason and I waked through a few stores and saw some clothes.   I would love to be able to shop anywhere for clothes!!!!   He points out clothes he would love to see on my all the time.   And he has good taste!  I just need to be able to fit into them!!!!!!

And the biggest motivator....

As I was planning in my head and starting to write my post I received a text from Jason...just saying 'I love you'. It was not shocking to receive it as we say that all the time.  But at 9:30 in the morning...while we are both at work....when we texted at 7am this morning....not expected.  Turns out he and the guy he was scheduled to be with today were driving and the other guy (mid 40's maybe a year or two older than me) turned white...clutched his chest and started to have difficulty breathing and talking.   The guy refused 911 and Jason drove like the wind to take him to the hospital which is where he was texting me from. Immediately I thought about what if that was Jason and I hadn't said I love you that extra time....I immediately told him (and he said that's why he texted me because it made us realize how fragile life really can be and he wanted to tell me the same!!).    I don't have any updated news on his co-worker....but I'm going to say no news is good news.  

So why am I writing about this?   While  I don't yet know what happened to this co-worker, with the symptoms I have my suspicions.  And what a huge reminder about how important it is to take steps to eat right  and  to live an active and healthy lifestyle!!!!

You know what?   Those cookies still sound good....but they are suddenly my no longer as tempting!!!!!!

Purging...the good kind

Lets start with the stats...

Running:  I think I MAY be able to make it to my 20 mile goal for running for this month!  I am at 13.05 miles! I only have to run 7 more miles to make that goal.  That's roughly three 2.3 mile runs!

Mileage for the year.  Well.. I am at just over 100 miles for the month. I need 172 miles to break even for the month of May.  I'm not counting myself out....but I'm starting to wonder.  (Although we are talking about a three day weekend over Memorial day and we are talking about taking our bikes...that would net me some miles)   Either way.....I am not giving up that goal ....I"m still pushing forward.

The other goals for May......shot to smithereens.  I am however trying to get back to tracking.....for me that is instrumental for my success!


So I have run three times this week.  It has been wiping me out.

 My legs are feeling it when I'm done.  But I push on!!!!

I am slow as molasses but I keep pushing on!!!

It's gotten hot outside.....but I keep pushing on!!!!

Yes, I realize that to show improvement, I need to keep pushing on!














Today I stopped for a few minutes to smell the roses.  There is a house I run past that has a ton of rose bushes lining his yard/the sidewalk   They are always full of roses!   It makes me smile when I run by.

I am in the process of a revelation.  That revelation?  It is time to make another purge in my life.  Back in 2015 I purged some friends (and a husband the year before).  It was the best decision for me in all regards.  I decided that I wanted to surround myself with people that wanted the best for me and not people that had their own agenda and wanted to put me down in whatever way.   Since then I became closer to a friend. But in the last year I've come to realize that she is a great friend when her life is going well....but when her life is not going well she becomes jealous of my happiness with Jason and says things to try to plant a seed of discord in my mind.  Discord that could ruin my relationship with Jason were I to dwell on her words.  And these words are nothing but "what if......."   Nope....that is NOT the kind of friend I need.  It's time to purge!

Standing up for myself.....and learning to take care of myself emotionally is just one step toward a healthy me.   The crazy thing?  Realizing this and making this decision to distance myself from this 'toxic friend' has given me power to realize that I can once again take control of my eating and exercise too.  

 

Knock one off the bucket list

Where to begin....

Let me just say that I'm not withering away on my mileage goals....I'm at roughly 75 miles for the month....I should be at 86 just to not lose ground.   So not tooo bad.  But not on target for the month and definitely not on target to make up the last of the deficit.  But hey...I'm holding on!!!

Food...my weekend wasn't spectacular with eating....at all.  My stomach felt it too...it reminded me exactly why the unhealthy food and quantities are bad!!!

My curveballs keep flying at me.   My original curve ball  was of Jason getting a job...which is spectacular news, it just changes my schedule and routine.   I made plans in my mind of how to fill up the time and still get my movement.   I would grab my road bike and keep that at the house full time and then I could leave my trek with Jason (he has had it much of the time recently..it's just been easier since we have ridden together most of the time) and only bring that home when I have need of it.  I spoke to my father about it in passing.   And was told that there is no room and he does not want my bike (s) in the garage.   Soooo....my plans were totally wiped off the books.  My first thought was I would just store them in my living area beside my bed...and try to not trip over them.   I have another idea.  But regardless...the bike thing on top of the other curveballs that have been lobbed my way has totally knocked me flat.   

So this weekend we decided to take it easy....we had lunch in town and hit up a few stores (he has to have his own tools for the job he got...so tool shopping we went!).

  We drove up to Cumberland.  We stopped at Sideling Hill to walk up the overlook...neither of us had done it in years.

 

And I just realized I took none of the cut through the mountain....but I got a couple of Jason!!!  (With a bit of the cut behind him!)

 

 

This weekend we also rented a tandem bike.    Or in easier terms to understand...we rode a bicycle built for two!

 

I have always wanted to try a tandem...and so has Jason.   We have talked about buying one some day in the future.  But we wanted/needed to try it out!!!

Jason was up front first and I rode behind.   Oh my word.....if your in the back you feel so totally out of control. It was a lesson (reminder) in learning to trust your partner 100%.  

When we swapped places and I was the 'driver' I figured out that as the front person you are totally fighting the bike the whole time!   Pretty much every breath that the other person takes causes the bike to sway and move.  (Ok maybe not every breath...but close!). 

It took communication because one person couldn't coast and adjust.  If one person stopped pedaling it stopped both people from pedaling.  So any adjustments on the seat or with a foot on the pedal had to be discussed before hand because otherwise the pedal stopped dead for them too...throwing the bike off kilter even more..  

We felt as if we were pedaling harder to move the bike also..... but then again we are used to riding better bikes...this one was a cheaper model...so that would play into it. 

All of that was workable.   But still the ride was miserable!!!  Why??  The seats were cheap and horrible.  We both suffered!!!!   For me...not only did it HURT...but my bits and pieces actually went numb!!!!!   It was not pleasant!!!!!

But hey...we checked something off the bucket list!!!!

We also picked up a new map of the canal.... I used a green highlighter and marked off the places we have biked /walked this year....:wow...we only have about 50 miles left to bike...we have done well over a half of the canal!  

I showed this to Jason and I'm pretty surethat  in a month or two (or more depending on how long it takes him to get back into the routine of his job) that we will have the whole thing colored in!!!    (And that not including the fact that we still want to complete the whole canal on a weekend long through trip!)

Still curving

I talked about curveballs in my last post......yeah they are still flying at me!    

I'm ashamed to say that some of these curveball have hit and have made me head for the safety and comfort of food!!!!

Last night I got home.  I had picked up some food for dinner and planned on splitting the food between dinner and taking the leftovers for my lunch the next day.   My parents were sitting at the dining room table.  My dad let me in on the updated news of his health before I even sat down.  I ate every bite of food that I had carried into the house. It was easier to eat than to think of the ramifications.     Stress eating at its best.   

I stress ate my way through breakfast too. 

And then mid morning I got control of myself and did ok for lunch.   And then out of nowhere I got hit again.  This time in the form of a full office meeting co-led by the CFO and head of HR.    Changes are happening....big changes!    As in my office will not be a full service branch bank anymore....we will be bare bones/drive through service only.  This will eliminate some people's jobs.  (Mine???). They half heartedly assured us that they have some people retiring so they should be able to find positions for everyone.  But it's not exactly good news for those of us at this branch.  And then beyond our own personal issues with this decision we have to field inquiries...advise customers of this change....try (succeed actually)  to get the safety deposit boxes emptied, etc in the next two months.     Our customers will not be happy.   We are the only bank in town.....it's going to be a rough two months.

So thoughts...plans...hopes...wishes and ideas for my future are going through my head.   Pray pray pray!!!! (Yes I'm accepting prayers!!!  Please pray for my future employment!! Because the handwriting on the wall couldn't be any clearer!!!)

I ate a piece of cake when I got home.....then dinner...way too much dinner  .....and why yes I did buy a king size package of Reece's Cups when I bought my Mother's Day card!

 

I was stuffed after dinner so I am happy to say that the Reece's cups will remain on the end table uneaten (for now!)

So it's been a foodapalooza!!!  And yes I know it's unhealthy.  Yes I know it's bad.    But it happened!  Today I failed at this game called life.

Curve ball

This journey toward health and a thinner healthier happy body is so difficult!   Sometimes I want to scream!  Ok many times I want to scream!!!!!

So in my post from the beginning of the week I talked about how last week was a total flop in terms of my monthly goals.   Yeah....well more about that.   The April goals....

1. Lose weight....I am exactly the same as I was on May first!   At least it's not a gain!!!

 

2.  Track everything and stay within a certain range.   The first week of the month?  Yeah I tracked..breakfast most days but after that it went downhill.    This week I have tracked and while my eating hasn't been perfect, I've done fairly well

Monday: 1623 calories...I ran so I did earn a few extra calories....but it was the ice cream that popped me over my 1200-1500 range.

Tuesday:  1426 calories.   Spot on!!!!!

Wednesday (thus far and the planned lunch in my lunch box): 695 ...leaving 505-805 for dinner.   Very doable!!!

With my eating ice lately been on a cereal for breakfast kick....Special K and bananas...so yummy!!!

 

3.  20 miles of running for the month.   I'm at about 5....so not too awesome.  But that's two 2.5 mile runs so that is better than none!!!

4.  Strength training...I have one little session under my belt!   I did move my living quarters around so I have more space so hopefully I can dig into that challenge more easily!!

5.  2017 miles in 2017.   This was the one thing I did spectacular on during the first week.  I completed 40.50 miles for that first week.   Right on target with what I needed.  Then this week hit and I only have 11.66 miles this far for the week. Giving me 52.16 miles.   It is the tenth of the month.   By the 15 I should have a bare minimum of 86 miles.   That's 33 miles in 4 days.  Doable on a bike....doable with a lot of walking.   But well....life threw me a curveball!  

The curveball???? I've gotten spoiled.  Very spoiled.  Jason has been between jobs and I have enjoyed it.   It has been nice with my crazy ever changing schedule!   Since he hasn't been working, when I get off at 12...2...4 or whenever we have either gone hiking or biking.  It's been a real boon to the 2017 in 2017 challenge.     I knew it was going to come to an end....(sadly neither of us are independently wealthy and thus we must work).    This week he went back to work. Uhhh yeah....first and foremost I'm lonely!!! It's weird not seeing him as much.  But I lost my biking/walking buddy!    Right  now his body is adjusting to a different type of work and a different schedule in his sleep.....so we have seen each other for a few minutes only each night.   Once he adjusts I'm sure we will be back in the saddle.  But right now I'm kinda lost and twisting in the wind!   

Right now I'm trying to figure out how to fill those hours productively.   Because the first item of business is my emotions...yeah I am totally missing those extra hours with him.  So yesterday I weeded and mulched the front flower beds.   Today I was going to try to finish the side beds but it's supposed to be rainy the rest of the week so I may alter the plans and mow today.   I work late tomorrow so that will be fine....Saturday is a 2pm off work day...I'm thinking about going to a goodwill that I heard is really good...but it's kinda way out of my way.    Just staying busy and or productive is my plan.  For next week when I have two 2pm end of days I have  thoughts of grabbing some geocaches....and maybe pulling my road bike out of storage and doing some road riding (and/or starting to store my trek at home and not at Jason's place).  I also have thought about bringing my running clothes and running on the battlefield or canal down here In sharpsburg....my old stomping/running routes.   Whatever I do....it's a thing that I need to stay busy!!! (At least until I get used to the new norm!)

I know though for me...pushing myself to ride by myself is difficult.   I wimp out and don't go...or I start out and my legs are heavy so I only ride 5 miles (if that).   Same with walking.   With Jason I push through!   Yeah that's lazy of me to admit it isn't it????

So a giant curveball.   I knew it was going to come eventually....but it's here now and I'm feeling lost!!!!  

Reboot

Ok so it's not been good!  

My eating is out of control.   My May goals.....mostly all already messed up and lost!

So I'm starting my month over...May 8 is the beginning of my month!!!!! (I am writing this in the evening on May 7....but I'm done eating for the evening so it's not like I'm avoiding starting and delaying it.)

There will be some changes in scheduling and whatnot coming my way in the next few weeks.   I'm determined to roll with the punches and use the changes to institute some healthier habits!!!!

Another great weekend in the books....

Some hiking in Shenandoah National Park...

 

We haven't hiked recently...and while we have been active we could tell the lack of hiking in our legs!!!

 

Can you tell we were happy to be back on the trail in the mountains??? 

No mushrooms though....not morels...but we did see these that are supposedly referred to as bear corn.  And no..even though there were lots of bear sightings today...none by us. 

A graveyard in the park along the trail.....leftover from the time before the park when people lived on these mountains.

And that is my update....just vowing to get it back together.  Hiking will be so much easier with less weight on my body!!!!!

Plans

The first day of the month started off with a bang.   I ran....I mowed...we went for a 10 plus mile bike ride and we also went for a walk.  I was close to 20 miles for day one!    Day two...well I woke up and the thought of running made me literally want to cry.   My legs were soooooo sore.   I tried twice and broke down in near tears both times.  Yeah that's my sign to not do it!!!!    I had a training after work so doing something active in the evening was out too.    But....I implemented my 'strength' plan on the evening!

What is that strength plan?   Well 3 times a week I want to stop and do a series of exercises to build certain muscles that may need a wee little help!  I know that without Zumba squats and lunges are no longer easy and pain free.  (I used to be able to do both without any major aches when I was able to go to Zumba!).  So that is where I'm starting. This is a loose plan and subject to change...squats, lunges, sit ups, planks, push-ups -!; whatever else I feel I can add.

Last night I did 20 each of lunges (each side) and squats....and then I was shaky and sore so 20 is my number for those.   I did 30 sit ups (in reflection I wasn't wiped out and I should have done a few more!)....I held a plank for as long as I could...until my body began to shake like an earthquake  (forgot to time it....it wasn't too long though), and push ups....I'm lame...let's just say I really need to work on this and I will be happy with however many I can do...one proper one is good right now!!!   The long term plan is to intersperse the strength moves with time on the stair stepper.   

 

The stair stepper right now kills me....it's not straight steps it throws a lateral movement in there...so time on it has to be built up!!!  But I plan on it!!!  I did two stints on the stair stepper last night and that did me in....well combined with the squats and lunges it did me in!!!!  

So there is my plan.....

I am really pondering how to make the exercise and the eating two separate entities in my mind.   I'm nailing the exercise.....I don't want to rock that boat.  But my eating has really gone crazy....not horrible all the time but just not on track enough of the time.   I have tried to link the two in my mind and it's just not working.   So I am going to try to come up with some amazing way to motivate myself (something like my mileage goal).   It has to be something that I personally control.   Yes weight loss is under my control, but it is subjective.   I want and need something that gives me a black and white pass/fail.   The weight loss will just be a side benefit!!!

So now it's time to set a second boat out to float beside the exercise boat.....let's add the boat of healthy eating!!!! I can manage both!!!!

Weekend update and a new month

This past weekend we headed to Johnstown, PA.  

 

I lived there many moons ago (like 35 years ago).   I wanted to experience the history and culture as an adult.   On the way there we visited the Flight 93 memorial (9-11 plane that went down in a field in PA.).  It was well done...a haunting memorial.

 

We explored by car and on foot the town of Johnstown, the burough of Westmont and the Grandview Cemetery.   We checked out a hiking trail and rode the Incline Plane.

 

We visited the Johnstown Flood Museum and then followed that up with a visit to the Flood Memorial which is actually at the site of the same that broke causing so much damage and so many fatalities. 

 

In this picture you can faintly see the overlook that is on the abutment across the 'valley'. This photo was taken from the other abutment....and shows the absolute breadth of the damn that broke.

We also spent some time looking for mushrooms...no luck though!!

 

It was a great weekend (aren't they all nowadays???)

So it's a new month and that means it's time to review last month's goals and set new ones for this month!!!

Last month I had four goals. 

1. To track all of my food and stay between 1200-1800 calories.   This did not happen...at all.  There was actually days where I didn't track anything and more days than I can count that I was over 2000 calories for the day!  I kick myself for messing this one up.   This should be a shoo in goal to achieve!!!!!  Grrrrr  I did discover that the 1800 is too high for me. ( When I'm at 1800 I don't lose...when I lowered it to 1500 as my high I was starting to see some success.  And then I went off the rails like an idiot!!  So I totally messed this one up but I learned a lesson and the more knowledge the better the chance of success in the future! 

2.  I set a goal to run 20 miles in the month of April.   I totally missed this one too.  I only ran 12.41 miles. I wasn't even 'close'.   I don't know what happened...a few days of rain...a few schedule changes that prohibited....and some sheer laziness with shorter runs but me in he butt.   There is no real excuse though.   12.41  miles is more than most people in this world run each month and furthermore that's good that I did at least something for my body!!

3. Lose weight and be in the next 'decade' lower by the end of the month.   Well this didn't happen at all!!!  I didn't lose a single solitary pound.   I wallowed in my current weight.   A pound down a pound up. A see saw of misery!!!!  This one disgusts me.  At this rate I will never reach my goals!!!

A maintain is actually a victory!!!  It may not be what I wanted but it wasn't a gain!!!

4.   Complete my April miles (166.5) and add an extra 25 miles to work on the mileage deficit for my year goals (2017 miles in 2017).  191.5 miles needed to reach my goal.   I am very proud to say that I crushed this goal!!  I completed themiles I  needed for April and started working on those extra miles.   I finished the month with 232.41 miles for the month!  That is 65.91 extra to cut down that deficit.....the years deficit is now only 27.79 miles.   Yeah, I smashed the goal!!!!!  (Thank you 89.58 miles of biking...25 miles of walking at the beach and many long walks with Jason!!)

See how I had to make myself turn the negatives into a positive.   Negatives are bad because they make us want to give up...they rob us of our self confidence.  They are just bad!!!

So for May my goals....

1.   Lose weight!   I would optimally like to be down in the next decade...but I will take any loss at this point!!!

2.  Track....every day....and at the new lower range of 1300-1500...with only one cheat day a week!

3.  20 miles....I will get this!!!!  This is my month!!!

4.   2017 mileage.   I want to get my base miles and wipe that deficit clean!!!!  

5.  Three times a week add a mini strength and stretching routine into my day.   The what isn't important....but right now I am do have a plan in place in my mind!).   I've noticed lately that my legs are tired more easily and my muscles are super tight.   I have to fix that!!!!  

So I've already gotten a good start on my May goals.  I woke up and ran....not a lot of miles but a little bit over 2 miles completed.  I mowed and did yard work....so my total steps (including rummage run) already have me at my daily goal of 5.5 miles. (And we plan on riding our bikes tonight...chalk up more miles!!!).  I have tracked my food and I'm determined to work this!!!